The Ned & Josh Podcast

Come for the Spanish souvenir diplomacy; stay long enough to question every food court table you’ve ever touched. A Bilbao magnet carries very little mystery about when it was purchased, a Little Red Riding Hood T-shirt goes straight for the nuts, and the podcast lands on Monday through questionable calendar management. Junior futsal coaching inspires a proposed coup, playing the adult version sounds physically expensive, and Strava updates raise questions about having a life outside exercise.

Ned’s nicotine habit has survived the trip home, flavoured sunflower seeds are doing their best, and nationalising Ajax somehow soun...

A couple of weeks away from the show somehow produces a Spanish correspondent alter ego, while old fashion trends raise the question of whether terrible people can permanently destroy otherwise normal looks. Jeffrey Dahmer glasses are put on trial, Michael Jordan enters the evidence, and Ned’s Opa contributes a deeply confusing family photograph.

Elsewhere, Ned gets a stack of stickers and questionable ideas about where to put them in Spain, James Bond locations enter the itinerary, fictional dogs battle for adoption supremacy, The Simpsons and Rugrats make compelling cases, a vocabulary lesson goes unexpectedly badly, movie th...

Ned is somewhere in Europe trying not to get pickpocketed and yet has also developed an irrational rivalry with an extremely attractive office gardener. Car rotting might finally have a name. There’s also the childhood toilet accident that required a hospital visit, the argument for bringing back a little shame, annoying wannabe Twitch streamers, and the strange disappearance of celebrity embarrassment around doing commercials.

Then there’s gambling advertising, Kevin Hart’s endless endorsement money, Formula 1 envy, the unfair economics of natural talent, Gordon Ramsay making cooking look significantly more profitable than an air fryer deserves, Daniel...

Ned is heading back to Spain after 16 years, his dad is treating Barcelona pickpockets like an international emergency, the family is wondering whether this is their last big holiday together, and apparently Ned has the face of a very obvious tourist. The missing Tuesday episode gets explained, Raygun’s Netflix documentary puts her back in the spotlight, Jimmy Fallon attempts Vegemite, and school drop-off traffic introduces Josh to a neon green Porsche with some extremely specific styling choices.

From old money versus new money to the HYROX athlete incident, Josh’s desperate bathroom close call in traffic, Poké...

Dropping an episode has done exactly what basic maths suggested it would do to the podcast downloads, so Ned and Josh consider making one perfectly respectable episode people can safely recommend to friends. Josh finally discovers what The Mighty Mighty Bosstones meant by “knock on wood”, his wildly inconsistent intelligence gets examined, a business turns manual labour into adult PE, and Aaron Pierre’s physique in Lanterns provides some fairly compelling workout motivation.

There’s charging-port lint to excavate, pimple-popping videos to banish, a 100-year-old World War II veteran receiving 4,000 birthday cards, and a search for the perfect...

A pre-show joke gets sent straight to the cutting-room floor, then Ned and Josh ask why Americans saying Melbourne correctly can somehow sound worse, whether Brisbane secretly needs a D, how four-year-olds turned “shut up” into top-tier profanity, why “crap” once became the terrifying C-word, and how Andy Griffiths introduced “rack off” to a childhood vocabulary.

The NFL’s Melbourne visit brings the 49ers and Rams into the mix, Disney x NFL merch gets judged, and Piper’s 4.2kg arrival leads into the first time holding a newborn, paid baby photos and the claim that all newborns look alike. Then...

Aldi condoms, bargain snow boots and the eternal Aldi-versus-Costco argument all find their place alongside Ned completely failing to acknowledge Josh’s exciting American listener statistics. “Buoyed” becomes a surprisingly heated vocabulary dispute, Evelyn Montclair arrives via scam text with immaculate fake-business energy, a discussion to create her ideal counterpart follows, and a stock-market phone conversation in a work toilet meets an aggressively biological interruption.

Elsewhere, Ned decides “my Instagram” might age a person instantly, bathroom calls with Dads are rejected on principle, The Dark Knight resurfaces at exactly the wrong moment, the hypothetical return of Jesus creates im...

What does an old-school Aussie pub bloke sound like while discussing mortgage stress over a morning coffee? That sits alongside the case for a married couple's house signature, Josh meeting his new niece Piper, Ned's disastrous receipt joke, a Roomba that becomes evidence of infidelity, the mystery of modern-day Palm Pilots and a Watergate discussion that eventually reaches Edward Snowden.

Zambrero guac brings better luck on the joke front, letting someone with two groceries skip the queue becomes a moral issue, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and Thank God You're Here spark improv memories, being proven right...

An innocent workplace whistle sends Ned into dangerous musical territory before attention turns to the cracked toilet seat he ignored for months, the astonishing price of premium replacements and the decidedly Frisbee-like model he eventually buys. McDonald’s then introduces its Australian McGold Card, but “McDonald’s for life” apparently means $30 a week for 40 years, which raises some questions about why companies keep using the words “for life” and then getting annoyed when customers interpret them literally.

There is also the recently defeated proposal for Ned to give a houseguest his own bed, an unexpected Tasmanian interpretation of Southern...

Apparently $100 still buys far more enthusiasm from a nine-year-old than it does from an exhausted adult asked to move boxes. Carrie’s lifting ability comes under scrutiny, Ned admits part of his workday was spent asleep in his car, Lenny takes immediate offence to Josh’s energy, and a near-collision involving a burrito opens the door to some questionable pedestrian etiquette. A tray of pub drinks then inspires a proposed rule for deciding who actually owes whom an apology.

Elsewhere, the Empire State Building couple return with serious Batman and Catwoman energy, Usain Bolt becomes the benchmark for...

An $80 Ned & Josh shirt may or may not be coming, tomato sauce faces an attempted ban, unnecessary dog breeds are placed on notice and hat ownership could soon be capped at two. Then comes an airport lounge loophole so effective one man apparently ate first-class food 300 times without ever taking the flight, followed by the Washington DC bomb scare that turned out to involve a piece of adult equipment with an alarming amount of machinery.

PBR sparks a debate about what beer actually needs to taste like, complicated craft brews get questioned and the idea of finding...

The Ned & Josh Podcast enters its new Tuesday and Thursday era before Ned wonders whether paternal instinct magically arrives with parenthood, a seven-year-old gets abandoned halfway up Mount Fuji, and an attempted Von Trapp compliment goes spectacularly badly. There’s also a serious examination of whether fur-lined Crocs can legally leave the house, the continuing hatred of Jamiroquai, and a bank that has spent 18 months trying to return a single cent.

Elsewhere, parking inspectors manage to park Ned in, a heart attack victim somehow still ends up with a parking fine, and the boys nominate the glory da...

The Ned & Josh Podcast is moving from three episodes a week to two, Producer Michael discovers he had absolutely no vote, and the Pod Pals are predicted to respond with complaints followed by reluctant support. There's an Eminem snare argument, a last-word rap karaoke app, a hunt for the right beat, the creation of MC Brewza, a disastrous first freestyle, accusations of blaming the tools, another attempt and a final declaration that Ned is ready for 8 Mile. 

Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

What begins with Ned being caught texting turns into a discussion about knowing your intellectual limits, why conspiracy theories are appealing and the freedom Josh feels when somebody else is responsible for flying the plane. A viral prediction that gravity would stop working brings NASA, floating cars and an argument over anchored houses into the mix, while Josh’s first stretch alone at the office reveals he is considerably less comfortable when responsibility involves answering somebody else’s phone.

Ned is now crafting custom Magic: The Gathering accessories and fears his furry bear deck box may have over...

How much credit should two podcasters receive for making it more than 400 episodes before deliberately recording a fart? From there, Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey gets linked back to Dunkirk, Penelope’s commitment is tested against modern relationship standards and Josh figures his unhinged names for the family dogs would expose any attempt to return home secretly. A bathroom emergency then leaves him literally sitting in darkness at work.

The possibility of flight introduces fleshy bat wings and other anatomical horrors, Ian Thorpe receives a patriotic defence, and Josh prepares for negotiations over the PlayStation when the fami...

Should a mate visiting from interstate get your actual bed, or should a grown man be grateful there’s a couch available? That somehow leads into golf, drinking, questionable hosting plans and the broader problem of people having conversations so loudly in public that everyone nearby becomes an unwilling listener. A dog’s mysterious hatred of a baseball cap also threatens Josh’s lifelong belief that every animal should instinctively adore him.

There’s a cottonmouth snake inside a football helmet, the universal terror of feeling something crawling beneath your clothes, and an important investigation into why marbles...

Lenny’s elusive perfect scratch spot is finally discovered, a website full of “funny questions for colleagues” turns into an HR nightmare, and the economics of maintaining a secret second family somehow gets compared with streaming services. A child refusing to sit down brings an entire Canadian flight undone, airports cop some heat, and the Bobby subscription tracker reveals the horrifying reality of a $981 monthly subscription bill.

Winter thongs spark an investigation into terrible feet, mangroves are accused of exposing far too much root, WikiFeet leads to the discovery of WikiHands, and Ned and Josh settle absolutely nothin...

Dobby fans have successfully defended a Harry Potter memorial from a major power cable, leaving the question of whether protecting a fictional grave counts as cultural preservation or simply moving infrastructure around some socks. Money-no-object staffing plans follow, with personal hair styling and full-time driving both making strong cases, before the complicated world of weddings enters the conversation.

There’s a Wiggle among the wedding guests, the thankless job of being MC, speech length etiquette and one particularly risky sequence of jokes about marital infidelity. Law & Order supplies the magnificent name Speed Weed, a new kind of un...

There’s a soon-to-be teenager planning a Spider-Man movie birthday, an Etsy purchase that feels suspiciously like graphic-design cheating and a plan to retaliate by entering the invitation business. Food collaborations are also under scrutiny, especially when KFC meets Oreo, cola-flavoured milk enters the conversation and chicken and waffles reveal a previously unknown fracture in a friendship.

Avoiding a muddy puddle sparks an ageing crisis, Leonard delivers another expensive lesson about playing with dogs, a tailgater appears in the rain and Batman’s stealthy transport suddenly looks wildly irresponsible. Then Wordle, Framed and Wiki Trivia take over as t...

The PlayStation that was brought in to entertain a child becomes a major distraction for one of the boys before a full-speed penny farthing creates what can only be described as a glitch in the matrix. That leads to an argument about recreational activities containing too much whimsy, from kite surfing to mysteriously low hot air balloons.

Elsewhere, an Australian beagle eats an industrial quantity of jelly snakes, Golden Retrievers steal dangerously hot food, and a dead MacBook unexpectedly gives up 13 years of lost audio and video. The first Ned and Josh radio demo may now be...

The Ned and Josh School of Etiquette returns to investigate the strange logic behind “P’s and Q’s,” dangerous ways to pronounce thank you, and whether anyone has ever benefited from Auntie Cheryl’s manners lesson. Then Barack Obama’s annual music recommendations raise an important question: is he genuinely listening to Charli XCX, or is somebody curating coolness on his behalf?

Elsewhere, a suspiciously long workplace break sparks a dispute over coworkers keeping score, Cosmos gets a surprise reassessment, and the comforting message that we are all connected is rejected for making nobody feel special. A passing po...

Josh has accidentally booked a ski weekend for the exact time his sister is due to give birth, leaving him to decide whether becoming a first-time uncle outranks fresh snow. Elsewhere, a hypothetical kangaroo enters the studio, Lenny briefly appears deceased, and a perfectly innocent trip to Rebel Sport becomes an identity crisis involving Frank Green lids, tennis equipment and unusually judgemental mannequins.

There is also a tribute to childhood comfort toys, the extremely short life of an alien named William, an unfortunate connection to Ned’s alien tattoo, and a debate over whether anybody noticed the Co...

The secret behind the podcast introductions is revealed, along with an unexpectedly detailed discussion about fluffers in the modern porn industry. A workplace fart inspires a live covering-up challenge, a car receives a luxurious winter blankie and young men are warned that nobody is fooled by their suspiciously cheap bed sheets.

Social media appears to be serving location-specific negativity, even when the snow conditions are considerably better than advertised. Ned auditions to become Meta’s newest lobbyist, a shout at a dog on live television causes the Johnny Depp dog saga to return. There’s also an Amer...

Creative accountability has gone too far as the listeners become demanding music executives and Michael is summoned back into the room. Pixar layoffs spark questions about Disney’s streaming model, the lost power of DVD purchases and whether HR needs plain stationery for especially grim announcements.

There’s a successful switch from snowboarding to skiing, a blue run completed by mistake and a frightening descent past two unimpressed children. Michael’s break involved dog sitting, parental proof of life in Adelaide and a Rogue Traders performance. The fashion desk investigates surprise shoes, corporate dad accessories and the logic...

Someone else’s skip becomes an ethical battleground, getting older means surrendering treasured junk, and the Brewinkle family name receives the explanation it deserves. There is also a bald man with shampoo, a digital calendar designed for a dog and a minor car accident that causes human empathy to disappear remarkably quickly.

Elsewhere, Ned confronts his childhood attraction to Spud from Bob the Builder, the origin of the word “mentor” is uncovered, Ned explains his hatred of cheerful construction workers, and an old letterbox explosion leads directly to Satan. The Vatican’s hacked prayer app then raises some dee...

Ned's dad has a colourful past as a pool hustler in the pubs of Tasmania, and this episode digs into exactly how the scam worked, right down to the fake losses and the sprint out the door with the cash. From there, the boys tackle the eternal question of what to do when someone in front of you at the servo treats the queue like their living room.

There's also an update on the man whose micropenis diagnosis went viral, a very panicked driveway incident at Ned's grandparents' place, and word that strange space debris has started...

Merlin the Duck has somehow become one of the biggest stars of the World Cup without setting foot inside a stadium, and Ned and Josh spend a good chunk of this episode working out exactly why he's banned and whether he's at risk of spotting a relative on a dinner plate. From there it's straight into a review of the new Supergirl movie, with both hosts defending the leads against some harsher reviews online. Josh admits to an impulse-buying habit that saw him swap shopping centres just to dodge temptation before immediately failing anyway, landing on an RGB light...

Josh's new hobby of photographing planes at the airport earns a polite but firm cross-examination from Ned, before the conversation turns to the Croatian pony named Mile who was abandoned at birth for being too small and is now recovering from surgery while living in a fourth-floor apartment. Backrooms gets pulled apart alongside a crash course in creepy pasta internet history, and Ned reflects on the strange sadness of realising he can no longer recall a single AFL theme song — something he once had burned into his memory to connect with his sports-mad dad. The episode closes with a ve...

A learner driver in an L-plate car full of laughing family members went through a McDonald's drive-thru this week and looked absolutely terrified, which is correct, because drive-thru kerbs are scuffed to hell for a reason and the pressure of ordering while also steering is real. Josh has started calculating what calibrated driving speed makes him look responsible enough to be trusted with stepson lessons in a few years. Claw machines are a young person's game and Ned knows this about himself, which is the only thing that kept him walking. Henry Cavill was at the races and the...

The boys open with a correction nobody asked for, turns out that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce wedding rumour might have been a swing and a miss. From there it's straight into the World Cup, the Socceroos' rough outing against the US, and what it's like watching football fans from around the globe experience America for the very first time. The TSA has had to weigh in on ranch dressing as a carry-on liquid, McDonald's has quietly dismantled the McSmart Meal in three painful tiers, and Pauline Hanson decided mid-tournament was the perfect time to go after SBS. There's...

Magic the Gathering has a Ninja Turtle crossover that's either the best or worst thing to happen to card gaming depending on who you ask, and Ned is firmly in the best camp. Somewhere in the middle of all that, a mother from Virginia decided to name all six of her kids after American states, a woman without a right hand got fined for using her phone, and a flight full of Knicks fans lost their collective minds while one lone passenger watched Avatar on a loop. Josh gets pulled over in Western Australia by an officer convinced he'd...

Josh recounts a near-disaster involving a stray cat, his partner, and some very questionable advice given while half asleep. The conversation then shifts to Indiana Jones and a quick look at just how violent the franchise really is, before landing on the bizarre real history of Ötzi the prehistoric ice mummy. There's also a check-in on the current "ebb and flow" of Ned's relationship with his American Staffordshire. There's a worm-themed relationship thought exercise, plus a hot air balloon trust test that gets surprisingly deep.

Find us on Instagram @nedandjosh

Ned and Josh kick things off riding the high of the Knicks' first NBA championship win in decades before things take a turn when Josh confesses his step-sons gave him a brutal new nickname after catching him mid-photoshoot for work. From there the boys debate whether Ned is a coward or a cool guy, before diving into why YouTube Premium's $29.99 monthly fee might just be the most ballsy subscription on the planet. They also get into the surreal sight of a UFC octagon on the White House lawn, complete with claims about runway lighting issues for pilots nearby. A...

Ned and Josh try, and immediately fail, to become cool, a bejewelled payment wand gets debated with more intensity than it deserves, and Josh reveals his deeply specific career goal of voicing a poker machine. A rumour about Taylor Swift getting married at Madison Square Garden sends the boys into the Harry Styles rafters problem, and the question of whether you'd invite Scooter Braun to your wedding purely to spite him gets a surprisingly warm reception.

Ned's upcoming trip to the Basque Country opens a leave request neither of them was prepared to file, Superman's powers get...

This week the boys are navigating public holidays, long weekends, and the very specific psychological damage of going back to a five-day working week when three days off felt like your actual natural state. Somewhere between debating whether a four-day week deserves a salary sacrifice, deciding what life stat you'd want confirmed at the pearly gates, and working out whether a brain chip is a medical miracle or an alien recruitment ad, Ned and Josh also get deeply invested in what Lenny the staffie is detecting on his neighbourhood walks, weigh up selling a $300,000 playoff ticket to someone who...

An out-of-office reply becomes a full charity fundraising pitch, and the boys debate where the line is between being absent and just showing off. Producer Michael gets roped into a pronunciation test to settle whether South Australians genuinely say a word a way. Somewhere in there, someone skied in Japan without knowing bears existed there, and someone else is quietly vibrating at their desk after too many coffees.

The bear problem in Japan has gotten so bad they've built robot wolves to handle it, and the boys fully support this logic. Meanwhile, England's apex predator is possibly...

If you live in a Scandinavian country and you're wondering what the ACT's public holiday situation looks like, this episode is practically a tourism brochure. Sardine maxing promises great skin but guaranteed social isolation, and someone in this podcast is prepared to argue that the Amish are living their best life off-grid. The Boaty McBoatface naming saga gets a proper post-mortem, Ned manages the office milk fridge so well he briefly considered a career change, and Captain Feathersword is apparently now being ranked in attractiveness brackets. A desk plant died and its owner is not seeking condolences.

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The Enhanced Games have kicked off in Las Vegas, essentially a steroid-friendly Olympics with a $25 million prize pool, and the boys are curious whether it's the future of sport or just a very jacked experiment. There's also a deep dive into BBQ Shapes seasoning inconsistency, a revisit of whether taking the high road is actually worth it, and the Lego Batman game gets a full review from someone playing it unashamedly as a grown adult. Kevin Conroy's legacy comes up while discussing what our  own Batman voices would sound like, and producer Michael returns to run a game the s...

The Michelle Obama mantra sounds great in theory but there's a reason people need to be told to follow it. This episode also gets into YouTube being increasingly taken over by AI narration that can't always handle abbreviations, the pliers-versus-hair-laser debate in airport security (which gets surprisingly heated), and the cursed dollar store amulet Josh is planning to hide inside a wall of his new house for future renovations to find. Plus: Cosmo's lazy behaviour, tradies drinking Monster on a concrete floor that now has a permanent stain, and a Colorado man stealing pies from an unmanned farm stand...

The structural genius of a dog's nose, specifically the ridge that creates a snot delivery tunnel, was always there; we just weren't paying attention. This episode also makes time for the inflatable furniture era of the 1990s, which was physically dangerous and spiritually freeing, and for the charity auction experience category, where the corporate box to see Bruno Mars turns out to be very much purchasable by money, just at a significant markup. Grocery substitution logic gets stress-tested at the sugar-free lemonade intersection, teenage boys are identified as a generation that has permanently lost their 30-minute grocery window, and...