Tantalizing Texas: Sprawlmageddon

The Sprawlmageddon Boyz are diving headfirst into the shallow end with this year’s zany mascot draft! On this episode, we explore 12 undersized towns with oversized hearts. Learn some unique high school football mascots, strange facts about overlooked cities, and our idea to fix the Dallas Cowboys once and for all! Detours include a mysterious wandering bearded guy or two, Kangaroo milk,  a bird with an elongated trachea, and auctioneer rap. 

Towns covered:

Falfurrias
Tom Bean 
Fort Worth Polytechnic
San Antonio Central Catholic
Kress 
Somerville
Crane
Cameron
Trent ...

The legend of La Grange, Texas has reached epic proportions thanks to ZZ Top and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, but there’s sooo much more to this Texas town! Actually, there isn’t. Not at all. There is literally no reason to go there now. Luckily, the history and takedown of the Chicken Ranch brothel is a fascinating tale with wild Texas characters.  Join the Sprawlmageddon Boyz as they discuss this pivotal moment in Texas history, and determine where the ZZ Top album “Tres Hombres” falls on the all-time Texas albums list. Detours include the Texas newsman who pione...

Did you know FIFA stands for "Fun in Fabulous Arlington?"  Join the Townsmen as they discuss what international visitors should expect when they encounter the extremes of the metroplex.  Also, with 50 episodes under our belt, we share our favorite things we've learned about Texas from our years of research! Detours include a porpoise pudding recipe from the 1700s.

*All research was conducted inside of an abandoned Crystal's Pizza and Spaghetti under the cover of night.  

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The Sprawlmageddon Boys have vigorously churned the udders of Texas music to find the greatest albums from the Lone Star State! In this episode, we discuss Willie Nelson's 1973 masterwork "Shotgun Willie," the pivotal Outlaw Country LP that introduced Willie's iconic new look and sound. So sit around in your underwear, bite on a bullet, and enjoy the shedding of Nashville's shackles!

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Abilene, Texas is the storybook capitol of America. It’s also responsible for such mind bending phenomenon as the Abilene Paradox and the Lone Biker of the Apocalypse! Join the townsmen as they discuss these important matters and others, including but not limited to: Jessica Simpson, where west Texas truly begins, and sling-shotting corn dogs at a hypothetical giraffe in a non-existent Odessa zoo. Hurray!

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Join the Sprawlmageddon Boyz as they review and discuss three more Texas Movies! From the mind numbing romantic comedy "The Wrong Paris," to the Predator prequel "Prey," there's something for everybody!  We also help Jack recover from the traumatic ending of "Dr. T and the Women." Detours include incredible facts about Comanche warriors, cinema hounds, and how all movies would benefit from a Ratatouille type rat controlling a character.  

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What secrets does the magical enclave of Pantego, Texas hold? Too many to count! Surrounded by Arlington, this small, inconspicuous town marches to the beat of its own drum. Join the Townsmen as we explore the amazing food, unique history, and heavy metal lore found in Pantego. Detours include our love of the dump, orca news, and more! 

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In this special holiday episode, Tolle, John-Waddy, and Chris explore their favorite Texas Christmas album, Willie Nelson's 1979 classic 'Pretty Paper.' Discussion topics include why Willie Nelson is essentially Santa, favorite all-time Christmas album recommendations, and the debut of an original Christmas song.  This album also receives the formal honor of being recognized as number 15 on the Sprawlmageddon Masterworks Top 25 list, the highest honor any Texan can receive outside of dying at the Alamo.  Pretty Paper also receives the high praise of being an album "our kids don't make us turn off."  Merry Christmas ya filthy animals!

Tyler, Texas is a magical place in the pines of East Texas! Hang with your Townsmen as they discuss interesting facts and notable nuances within the Rose Capital of the World. Since the artist hails from Tyler, we’ll also discuss the #25 Top Texas album of all time, Paul Cauthen’s Room 41. A true Texas Masterwork!

29:53 - Review of The Top 25 Texas Album: #25 - Paul Cauthen, Room 41. 

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San Marcos, Texas is a college river town with a fascinating history! It’s home to the ancient Clovis people, George Strait, and Glurpo the terrifying underwater clown! Listen in as the Sprawlmageddon Boyz discuss the mermaids of Aquarina Springs, Ralph the swimming pig, and other strange characters. Sit back, relax, and take a slurp from Glurpo’s air hose as we soak up San Marcos!

This episode is brought to you by Jack's new book, which drops November 18th from Cowboy Jamboree Press for the low, low price of $12.99! Ebook pre-orders are available now for just $9.99! Visi...

Your Townsmen have scoured the music archives to discover the greatest 25 Texas albums ever created! In this Masterworks episode, we explore and discuss the number 10 album on our all-time list, the abrasive classic from 1987, “Locust Abortion Technician,” by the Butthole Surfers. Yum yum!

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The Sprawlmageddon Boyz have explored every musical corner of the Lone Star State to unearth the greatest 25 albums ever created! In this episode, we explore and discuss the number 18 album on our all-time list, “Golden Hour,” by Kacey Musgraves. It’s an electro-country-disco masterpiece!

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From the mythically odd behavior of Bigfoot Wallace, to the unique films of Mike Judge and Wes Anderson, Texas creatives have a history of cooking up the absurd!  Join the Sprawlmageddon Boyz as they discuss some of their favorite oddball films and art made by Texans- all while Jack's digestive system struggles to digest a purple corndog!  Detours include True Grit, the city of Granger, Texas, and a Houston artist who married a tree. Fill your hand!

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Texas is full of surprises! The Townsmen take a look at Margaritaville in Conroe and the oddities of resort life before examining several small towns and the history of their whacked out football mascots. Detours include a truly bizarre creation myth, doo-wop noises, and Jack forcing Steely Dan knowledge on everyone. Hooray!

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McKinney, Texas is known for the iconic film Benji,  a viral weatherman moment, a fake Croatian village, and so much more! Join the Sprawlmaggedon Boyz as they discuss the legend of DFW weatherman Pete Delkus, the numerous champions of obscure sports hailing from McKinney, and how Higgins the dog was robbed of an Oscar!  Detours include Futuro houses, favorite animal actors a strange bird in John Waddy's yard.

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The Sprawlmageddon Boyz are back in Fort Worth for a deeper look at Hell's Half Acre, Top O' Hill Terrace, and the criminal underworld of Jacksboro Highway in the 1940s. We'll also explore a historic Prince concert at a Burleson country and western bar, the new state park that began with a bar fight, and some of our favorite spots in the West-O-plex.  Detours include robots taking over our favorite greasy spoon and visits from celebrity ghosts. Expect the unexpected!

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It’s movie time! Join the Townsmen as they discuss three spectacular Texas films, all featuring guys with strange haircuts. We’ll explore the Coen Brothers interpretation of a Cormac McCarthy’s masterpiece; the iconic 1989 TV series Lonesome Dove; and The Iron Claw- a tragic tale of the Von Erich wrestling dynasty. As the Sprawlmageddon Boyz digest these heavy Texas films, they laugh, they cry, and they might even administer the devastating Iron Claw maneuver to one another! Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

No Country for Old Men 6:20

The Iron Claw 17:30

Loneso...

Lubbock is the land of sunshine and cotton- an unlikely place for the emergence of Buddy Holly and early rock and roll.  Join the Townsmen as they discuss an eerie UFO sighting in the area, the impact of Lubbockites on popular music, and some must-see things to do when visiting Hub City.  Detours include Luka trade conspiracy theories, neglected lemurs, and a surprise visit from a 9 year old.  Lubbock or leave it, baby!

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Is Oak Cliff a neighborhood, a city, or a state of mind? Depends who you ask! Join the townsmen as they explore this vibrant, creative community and all it has to offer. We discuss the influence of the greatest rebounder in NBA history, a prominent early blues musician, and an assassin, all of whom called Oak Cliff home. We’ll also dig into the numerous, fascinating animal escapes from the Dallas zoo. Detours include Lee Harvey Oswald’s path through Oak Cliff on a terrible day in 1963, the potential end of Jeep Week debauchery, and the current state of the...

Texas gets extremely cold!?  Who knew?! Join your humble Townsmen as they discuss the coldest, snowiest and most spectacular winter sites the Lone Star State has to offer.  They'll also explore Cisco, where the infamous Santa Clause robbery took place, and share their favorite travel destinations from 2024.  Detours include orca headwear, frozen camping in an abandoned zoo, and why Tolle is not allowed to participate in meal trains.

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Hang with the Sprawlmageddon Boyz as they discuss Garland- home of the 1990s UFO Cult of Taiwanese Cowboys, a pro golfer who got struck by lightning, and the highest rated pizza in all of Texas!  Detours include Tolle's own wild encounter with lightning and a glorious Robocop statue without a home.  We also recognize a  a movie theater with one employee and one movie as an Establishment of Excellence!

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The German roots of fabulous New Braunfels are present throughout the city, as are wonderful opportunities to relax and cut loose! Join the Townsmen as they discuss the best historic dance halls, pro-tips for floating the river, and the most scenic drive in the lone star state. Detours include recent Dallas Cowboys chaos and an Interview with beloved New Braunfels mascot Eugene the Unicorn. Make sure to bring your Cheetos- the river tilapia love them!!

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Endangered sea turtles, rare birds and Jeep owners alike all flock to these southern shores, while rockets take flight overhead! Hang with the Townsmen  as they discuss interesting stuff that has washed ashore, cool creatures, space funerals, and a power ranking of Texas beaches. Detours include the disastrous Texas City explosion from the 1940s, the Portuguese man-o-war’s ulterior motives, and why Jack wants to shoot a gun at the Ocean.  Life’s a beach!

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In this special mini-episode, Jack aka John Waddy hijacks the show for an interview with Justin Carter, whose debut poetry collection Brazos explores coming-of-age in a small town on the Texas Gulf Coast. Justin talks about how Brazos came together, what life is like as a Texas transplant living in the Midwest, and of course, the outlook for the coming season of TCU Horned Frogs women’s basketball. 

Order your copy of Brazos here: https://bellepointpress.com/products/brazos 

Justin Carter’s poems have appeared in The Adroit Journal, Bat City Review, DIAGRAM, and other spaces...

It’s football time in Texas! Join the Townsmen as they explore how this beautiful, violent sport became a unifying force in the lone star state. We’ll discuss our favorite strange high school mascots, defunct football teams that made their mark, and how the chaos of the 1993 Oilers season may out-crazy even the Dallas Cowboys! Detours include the most excessive high school stadiums, famously sweaty coaches, and why the name Ron Mexico is banned from custom jerseys at the NFL shop. 

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Marfa, Texas is not only a beautiful desert mountain town, but also an international art Mecca! Join the Townsmen as we discuss the multiple award-winning movies filmed there, favorite sites, and the enigmatic Marfa lights! We’ll also delve into the minimalist art masterpieces of Donald Judd, the iconic Prada storefront, and the history that made little Marfa a major art, food and music destination. Detours include Texas summer tips to beat the heat and John Waddy’s review of his recent beer bath in Waco. 

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What do heroes of the Alamo have in common with The Sex Pistols?  They both had their last stand in San Antonio!  We discuss the violent incident that made Jim Bowie the stuff of legend; how Phil Collins and Ozzie Osborne contributed to the legacy of The Alamo; and the amazing history and culture that brought Unesco World Heritage site recognition to Texas!  Detours include ghosts, Orca attacks, and the Alamodome.

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Join the Texperts as we explore East Texas! A land full of rich history, hidden swimming holes, and plenty of Bigfoot sightings. We take a look at Nacogdoches-where the Marx Brothers first tried comedy; Jefferson-land of ghosts galore; and the Texarkana killer whose weapon of choice was a knife taped to a trombone. Detours include an original song by Dick Gabriels and a very Texan sleep meditation.  Special guest “The Big Herper” joins to discuss his native East Texas and backwoods police encounters.

Disclaimer: Sleep meditation starts at 48:26! Make sure you’re somewhere you can fall asleep safely...

It's our one year anniversary special! Join the Townsmen for a few laughs as we look back at 25 episodes of Tex-ellence.  We'll stroll down memory lane and explore our favorite episodes, magnificent meltdowns,  and funny moments  that brought the show to a halt.  Sit back, relax, and prepare to be Tantalized!  

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 Actor, voiceover artist,  and El Paso native Jonny Cruz joins The Townsmen to share how the Sun City influenced him and his true gift of “being an idiot!” We also discuss the ‘Four Dead in Five Seconds’ gunfight from 1881 and the 600 lb exotic beasts that roam the hills of El Paso. Detours include life changing Tex-Mex experiences, re-routing rivers to steal land from other states, and Hollywood dating candidates for Oatfeet. You better El Paso up!

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Texas has a rich musical history, and we're exploring some of the state's finest artists across genres! Hang with the Sprawlmageddon Boyz as we discuss these lone star legends: 

The 13th Floor Elevators - 00:09:30
Selena - 00:21:00
Khruangbin - 00:26:00
That Mexican OT - 00:34:00
Erykah Badu - 00:35:12
Rev. Horton Heat - 00:54:10
At the Drive In - 00:55:50
Charlie Robison - 1:00:33
The Scabs - 1:02:27
The D.O.C. - 1:04:45

Detours include the upcoming eclipse, poet fights,  and a bonus Texas themed ASMR sleep meditation!

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Houston is brimming with world class arts, top tier medical institutions, and Nissan Altimas without license plates (the burner phone of vehicles!) Join The Townsmen for a look at the influential music and writing happening in Houston; odd and interesting sites, restaurants and museums; and a deep dive into legendary newsman Marvin Zindler’s Rat and Roach Report.

1:40 Creation Myth + Houston Factoids
9:45 Writers in H-Town
16:05 DJ Screw
25:45 Slime in the Ice Machine!
31:30 Oilers Uniforms & Weird Zoning
41:15 National Museum of Funeral History & Notable Sites 
50:11 Original Song: “Light Refreshments”53:30 Mount Rushmore of Houstonians 1:00:27 Secret...

Author Mike Nagel joins The Townsmen to discuss hot air balloons, bizarre Frito-Lay offerings, and his new book, Culdesac!  As a Plano resident, he's chock full of hot Plano tips.  Detours include elite combat realtors, ghosts, and suggestions for turning Mike's next book into a pyramid scheme!

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Join the Townsman as they discuss a few quintessential Texas films! These movies ooze lone star loveliness. Also, learn how our co-host Dick was tricked into watching Battlefield Earth, one of the worst films ever made! 

02:45 - The 3 Burials of Melquiades Estrada

27:50  - The Thin Blue Line

30:14 - Fandango

34:06 - Paris, Texas 

37:41 - Bernie

43:17 - Battlefield Earth

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The Amarillo area is home to the largest canyon in Texas, massive bizarre art installations,  and the iconic Route 66.  But did you know it's also where America's nuclear weapons are assembled!?  Join the Townsmen as they discuss this, along with the creative geniuses who have called Amarillo home- Georgia O'keefe, Woody Guthrie, and author George Saunders. Detours include nose-hair removal kits, strange moments in art history, and an impromptu song by Dick Gabriels about the grizzly 1977 Amarillo Pizza Hut murder.  

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Whatever happened to that cobra? He could be at any number of wonderful Grand Prairie attractions! Great restaurants, a water park, and  Ripley’s Believe it or Not are just a few of the sites Grand Prairie has to offer people and escaped cobras alike.  The Townsmen explore the international game of cricket, which is taking root as a professional sport in Grand Prairie, and a band we love with roots in the city.  Detours include a haunted school library, culinary uses for nutria, and cobra bite avoidance tips.

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Austin is  full of history, music, and fun! Join the Townsmen as they discuss favorite spots, swimming holes, and examples of their poor decision making while visiting the state capital.  Detours include strange facts about bats, the Armadillo World Headquarters, and whether or not the aptly named ‘Servant Girl Annihilator’ was actually Jack the Ripper.
Listen to this episode and let us know if “you like-ah the pizza?!”

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The Townsmen are full of Christmas cheer! Join us as we discuss yuletide injuries, parenting challenges caused by Santa, and Texas towns that do Christmas like no other.  Detours include Santa leaving a glitter trail in Gabe’s childhood bedroom, the tripped out Kacey Musgraves holiday special, and Chris’ job as a bootleg Santa.  We also share a soon-to-be classic Christmas song titled “Gary the Christmas Giraffe.” Pop on your Christmas jammies, pour some hot cocoa, and let’s hang a shining star upon the highest bough!

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With a 21’ tall origami pegasus, the largest margarita mug in Texas, and giant bronze horse sculptures, Irving, Texas is larger than life! Join the Townsmen as they discuss the culture, cuisine, and history or Irving, one of the most diverse zip codes in America. We’ll stroll down memory lane and remember the strange magic of Crystal’s Pizza, the classic shows and movies filmed in Irving, and the time Gabe harassed Michael Bolton at Irving Mall.

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There’s a lot more to Odessa, Texas than oil and roughnecks!  Join the Townsmen as they explore the home of  pumpjack parties,  meteor impacts, Stonehenge replicas, and a theatrically violent popcorn performance known as Summer Mummers.  Detours include alien contact, Gabe’s sheep debacle, and  whether or not Stevie Wonder is actually blind. Listen to this episode or Sandy the sheep will break your collarbone!

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