Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

It's finally here! Spider Noir is taking the world by storm and we are here to talk about episodes 1 and 2. You want really ropey webbing, you got it! Mush mouthed, older Spider Man, hell yes it is. Join us for Nic Cage's first true foray into serialized television. Grab your egg cream. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Well, it's a bit late for our planned April Fool's day episode but here it is...The Nick's have taken control. Nick is joined by Nick and Nick and the decision was made to review 1994's Street Fighter. Who could possibly hate JCVD and Raul Julia, plus a weird Kylie Minogue kicker. This is Cage Match, kinda.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Here comes the least shocking news of all time: We like this movie. Into the Spider-Verse absolutely slaps and you all already know it, but we still had a great time chatting with longtime Patron: Bill! We dive into the best spidey-suits, Spider-Noir and of course, Kingpin's dick. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Power up your RADium and let's roll those tongues salaciously because we got ourselves an animated flick that Nick actually likes. We're joined by our friend Hornback to talk titans, Teen Titans. He definitely knows all of them...Beast Man, Mrs. Cosmos, Bat Kid Dude, Adriana and of course Mr Cyborg Dude (if ya nasty). Did our guest watch the right movie? Who knows?! This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Uh oh, there's an active 211, robbery in progress...of our joy. We're talking 2018's cop robbery light racism movie: Two one one. A solid chance for Boston cop accent is squandered but at least we have a pretty cool kid. Get ready for some close up Weston Cage magic. Do a rodeo flip to kick it off. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Get jacked and stacked and never forget to ABJ. We're talking the blandest movie ever with four time guest, Adam. We've been saddled with some doozies but this one might be the most nothing movie to exist. You'd think a movie about an unhinged egg donor would have some intrigue but you would be wrong. At least we had fun...This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Content Warning: This movie is about a brutal SA

Put on your robe, it's time for an all remote episode with Nick on janky hotel wifi. Here we go! It's 2017's Vengeance: A Love Story. We're smack dab in the ham-faced realm of medium okay Cage movies and this is no exception. We're joined again by Hellpockets himself: Christopher Fields. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Hop on into the murder hole but don't forget your slo-mo and plastic sheeting. We're talking good ol' boys and the importance of brothers of all types. So of course we brought Producer Peter's brother, Phillip on for a dive into 2017's Arsenal. It's the return of Nic Cage's weirdly favorite (?) character: Eddie King. Now with more nose and less accent! This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Ohh boy, we're back with more Oliver Stone. This time instead of 9/11 we're tackling DHS and NSA hellscapes! Joining the party are Freeman and Elizabeth who lend their insights into data security and selling marketing. Don't worry though, it's not all bleak spooks tracking us, we get the usual nonsense in the mix too. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Described as part of Nic Cage's "genuinely befuddling and perhaps sad phase", we are joined by friend and guest Kyle P to talk about 2015's Chinese cinema great: Outcast. Cage stars opposite a bland Hayden Christensen as "White Ghost". Join us and find out how many snakes is the correct amount of snakes...This is Cage Match

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Pile up, gang, we're talking The Croods. Will Nick love the original Croods more than the sequel? What is your favorite weird hybrid critter? Does anyone remember Clark Duke? Prepare for some weird audio for some reason and Nick's least favorite character list. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Grab your pissdog, it's a semi-intense thriller by the director of Dante's Peak so we of course mostly discuss anal insertions. Let's go deep with master pissers, secret societies, vindictive murder, January Jones, and hair plugs. Also, why does Producer Peter look so good with Guy Pierce's hairline? This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Alright boy-not-boys, load up your butt guns because we're blasting off with 2009's Astroboy. Nic Cage joins us as a dour science daddy in a drab 3D animated kids flick. Grab your roller skates, pump your Billy the Fridge and get ready to bust. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Ooh boy, here we go. It's 3 hours of movie time without Nic Cage with a cameo in a fake trailer as a racist caricature. What have we done? Cage Dancer John joins us to talk about the 2007 grind house films Planet Terror (Robert Rodriguez) and Death Proof (Quentin Tarantino). It's campy, it's stupid, but is it fun? Hold onto your ball jar, this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Hot damn, it's a NEW, in theaters, Nic Cage movie. Lotfy (totally not Lofty) Nathan's new movie about the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, kinda, and exploring the life and times of angsty teen Jesus. Oh wait, sorry, "The Boy". Nic Cage plays a SoCal style father figure while FKA Twigs purses her lips really hard. Will Nick keep his oath? Are devils chickens? Mouthy ones only today. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Oh lord, here we go. It's another animated Cage movie. This time by the studio that brought the horrid eyesore Jimmy Neutron to life. So of course we end up talking about Orson Welles and ant magic instead. Oh, and grandmas fuck now. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

The most important lesson here is that if you're ever feeling like the cock of the walk after winning your first hand of gin...maybe don't get right into your car. We're obviously talking Sonny this episode. Nic Cage's one and only directing attempt. You have to deal with some James Franco face, but it might be worth it. Keep it in your pants, Halloween Ted. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Get ready to jig and reverse jig your way to debtor's prison...because we're talking Christmas Carol: The Movie...and no, it's not the Zemeckis 3d diarrhea one. We're joined by four time Cage Match guest, Shey, to deep dive into mice in films, chains and The Holiday. Come and be visited by our three horrible specters. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Alright, Baby, pre-moisten those lollipops because we're in for a ride. It's Christopher Coppola's 1993 Deadfall! A movie about criss cross double crosses that star Michael Biehn calls one of his worst movies ever. We're joined by friend, Joey "The Smoke" to try and unpack one of Cage's wildest performances. Wig? Check. Fake nose? Check. Weird voice? Fuck yes, check. This is Cage Match.

Hooooooo, boy. Time for some early 90's race relations in a surprisingly funny comedy starring Nic Cage and Samuel L Jackson. Cage Dancer Freeman joins us to review one of just five movies by E. Max Frye. This 1993 movie has a stacked cast, some quality comedic payoffs, a very good dog, and some incredibly inept cops. Grab your weird sex gear, white people...This is Cage Match

You're either on Team Scorpion or Team Apache....guess where Nick falls this week as we review 1990's Fire Birds. A super dry clone of Top Gun with no beach volleyball and teeth clacking, other than Tommy Lee Jones when he gets his

Alright ding-a-lings, let’s get ready for some car crash, stranded in the desert antics! Here’s a 27 second cameo by Cage in an oddly star studded debut flick by Adam Rifkin. Obviously it’s Never on Tuesday, the direct to VHS masterpiece about trying to turn a lesbian straight (it was the 80’s). Have your tallest lady friend carry you off into your fantasies. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Move over, A Time to Kill, because here comes 1989's Italian invasion of Ethiopia war drama: Time to Kill. In matching all other summaries of this movie, I also will tell you little. Grab your nearest BuzzBallz® and get ready for an unreliable narrator: us. This is Cage Match

Grab your nearest coxswain and come learn how to stroke with special guest, Hayden! We're obviously talking about the greasiest butt movie Cage has ever done: The Boy in Blue. Cage plays Ned Hanlon but how does he do in this 1989 Canadian hero biopic? Eh....but at least he is incredibly ripped this time. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Grab your high-waisted pants and suspenders and come find out what's in the bugle case because we're reviewing Francis Ford Coppola's 1984 The Cotton Club. Our boy plays a slightly unhinged gangster in Coppola's ode to tap, black performers, and crime dramas. Call your gun-moll and pull up a cuck chair, this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Rusty James. Put your horns on because Fang, Fang, Fang and Scratchers dive deep into the moody, 1983 Francis Ford Coppola film, Rumble Fish. In an undeniably nepo role, Cage isn't given much to work with but still shines some true character. Grab some chocolate milk and get ready for our next business idea. This is Cage Match...Rusty James.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Happy almost Flag Day, y'all but especially to you, Judge Reinhold. We're kicking off season 3 of Cage Match with a highschool sex romp barely featuring our boy, Nic. So join us while we bag on Sony Marvel movies and talk Dogma and occasionally praise Mr. Hand. This is Cage Match!

Intro music by: Bill Panks

And so we have arrived at the grand conclusion of Cage Match: The Podcast: The Game. Our four Cage's face off against some tricky foes, stupid puzzles, an alarming amount of times of Producer Peter saying "grievous damage". Darryl Edge and Alec Manley Wilson join us as we enter (hopefully) the Emerald City. Will the boys get to the bottom of the mystery? Will they make it home? All this and more...this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

And so we have arrived at the grand conclusion of Cage Match: The Podcast: The Game. Our four Cage's face off against some tricky foes, stupid puzzles, an alarming amount of times of Producer Peter saying "grievous damage" and more. Will the boys get to the bottom of the mystery? Will they make it home? All this and more...this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Come eat the rat with us...and discover if calling someone a kook will get us cancelled in Australia. We got a chance to see Nic Cage and director Lorcan Finnegan's newest mind-bending film, The Surfer. Join us as we try to unravel what is real and fake. Things we know: don't drink the poop water and of course don't live here, don't surf here. This is bonus Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Four Nic Cage's are pulled deep into the unseemly belly of the NCU. Cameron Poe, Peter Loew (Darryl Edge), Robin Feld and H.I. McDunnough (Alec Manley Wilson) find themselves in a place both familiar and horrifying. Sweet tap dancing Bobby Peru, you're in for a treat. It's bizarro table top RPG time with Producer Peter as the GM. This is Cage Match...the podcast...the game. Part I

Game System: Havoc Brigade by Grant Howitt

Intro music by: Bill Panks

This episode sponsored by women-owned Buzzballs. Pop on your bandaner and good lord, someone, please give that little girl some more bread and jam. Welcome to bonus Cage Match where we discuss the highs and lows of Nic Cage's newest movie, Gunslingers. Why does Stephen Dorff's hat look like that? Who made custom cross, gradient tinted glasses in the old west, why is Stallone's daughter so bad? This is bonus Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Producer Peter finally had to watch movies at 1x speed this week for the Cage Match Finale. Pig vs Raising Arizona. Sarnoski vs Coens. Nick vs Sean. We rented a local theater and watched a double header with a full house of guests. As it turns out, movies are fun in a theater. We are not done but this is a perfect time to thank everyone for listening and supporting us over the years. This was Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

It's the Final Fore...skin. And may we never say that phrase again. Nick and Sean thin the movies to our final two leading up to our big finale in theater double header. Con Air vs Raising Arizona, Pig vs Vampire's Kiss. We talk about favorite cults, an excellent foolproof get rich quick scheme, and if vampire's show up on digital cameras..but can we keep it cordial? Listen and find out. This is Cage Match!

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Welcome to the almost interesting bonus episode about Joel Schumacher's last film, Trespass. We've got Cage in a suit, we've got dark-haired and moustached Ben Mendelsohn, we've got Nicole Kidman for some reason...Join us in the Bonebooth and learn all about nail guns and lewd sounding movie titles. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Come get juiced up with the gang as we conclude the Master Eight section of our bracket. David Lynch (RIP) craziness vs absolutely bat-shit "vampire" antics make for a really fun end to the section. Don your snakeskin jacket and pop in your cheap teeth...this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

The last remaining one seed from the bracket goes up against a dark horse (for us at least) three seed in a challenging matchup for the quarter final of the Serious section. Everyone's favorite unwashed chef, Robin vs ex-con and lovable drunk, Joe! Come find out whatever the hell we end up talking about around these two great films. We are getting dangerously close to the Final Foreskin. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Well those ol' Cage Match boys are back up to their antics. Do we even get around to talking about 1987's Coen classic Raising Arizona and Cher masterpiece Moonstruck? Who knows... But we definitely talk about Goosebumps, Ghostriders, Splash, and dog balls of course. The Master Eight continues in fine fashion. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

We've made it. It's time to Master Eight with ya' Cage Match crew. Join as we learn how repetitive we are over the past three years. Our final eight movies kick off with Con Air and Red Rock West. Two ripped-ass Cage's being badasses. Who wins? Dave Chappelle's fake corpse or Dennis Hopper's turkey sandwich? Now entering / leaving Cage Match.

Well the time has come to review some of the more mid Cage movies. We pulled the ticket for 2015's Pay the Ghost. Does this movie outshine it's poor reputation? Get ready for some exposition dumps. This is bonus Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

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