Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

Aww shit, we went and saw the brand new Street Fighter movie IN a THEATER, with PEOPLE....and, baby, it was accidentally in 4DX. You know what's up...it's Oops, All Nicks - The Re-Nickening. This time Nick couldn't join us so we're joined by Nick. Is Street Fighter 2026 the horniest movie of the year? Yes, at least until Wicker comes out. This is Cage Match, kinda.

Note: Special movie presentation of Adaptation in Seattle, November 7th at 5:00pm. Tickets: https://luma.com/t1j3qhn8

Intro music by Bill Panks

It's time to get some music theory up in here. 20 seconds of Cage and Laura Dern, okay sure, but we have The Man From Another Place sawing a log and a demon deer. We are of course discussing the 1990 film of David Lynch's stage play. We're joined by theme music creator, Bill Panks to talk proto Wild at Heart vibes paired with air raid sirens and baby dolls in the air...It's pretty much what you think. This is Cage Match.

Ticket sales for a movie showing of Adaptation, November 7th, 2026 at 5:00: https://luma.com/t1j3...

Grab some olive oil and protect your frontal lobe...it's time for some Schrader-hater fun. We're watching the "director's cut" of Dying of the Light that Paul Schrader cobbled together. Come witness his true vision for a straight to VOD film. Preserved for historical record. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Alright you damn b*tch ass mother f**king sh*t heels, let’s get some swearing done! We’re joined by longtime friend and notorious non-swearer, Bill, to discuss Netflix’s History of Swear Words hosted by Nic Cage. Hold on to your d*cks and p*ssies, we’re going deep. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Aww yeah, baby. Welcome to the Schneppzone! We’re joined by Sparkle Buddy Josh to talk about a documentary about people talking about a movie that never got made. It’s a long walk to talk about spiderbots, long shorts, skull ships and more! Let’s all find out….What Happened? This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Well, we managed to not just talk about Ezra Miller having a mental illness and being a huge creep-asshole, so go us! Welcome to 2023’s The Flash! Get ready for rubber moms, ludicrous math, and of course…Batman(s)! It’s only fitting that a cursed movie gets a cursed episode.This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Naw ahh say, ahm just a smahl tahn podcaster…Get bricked up because we’re talking the last of our 2019 movies: Grand Isle. Cage puts in a noble effort in a movie that really doesn’t have much to offer other than five minutes of Kelsey Grammer. Who needs foley work when you can listen to Nick’s antics on mic...Come for the sidebutt, stay for the creepy voodoo dolls. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

THE “TALENT", THE ASSHOLE, THE PRODUCER and special guest: THE BARTENDER try to unravel the complex machinations of late 2010’s cocaine production and drug running. It’s got stupid names, it’s got stupid dialog, it’s got…the Hebrew Hammer? Come along for the ride and let’s go Running with the Devil! This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Come join us in the prison of the mind while we talk 2019’s A Score to Settle. Darryl Edge of Cage Rage battles of a heat wave in the UK and mostly manages to stay alive to chat with us. A pretty thin movie about a man losing his mind on his revenge tour. We got a dead kid, we got sex workers, we got baseball bats…oh and keep an eye out for The Dragon…You know which one. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Yeah, baby, let’s get drunk and talk about how spider legs work! It’s time for your ∠ geometricals and get ready to goon. We made it to the conclusion of Spider-Noir. Let’s see if everything gets…wrapped up. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Grab your hotdogs and roast beef…maybe ravioli...because we’re back with more Spider-Noir. Things get a little darker in these episodes and a lot spider-ier. We get some good body work from Cage and a lot of gross webbing and horror. It’s a weird one! Is blood goo? This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Join our new hosts as we review episodes 3 & 4 of Spider Noir. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

It's finally here! Spider Noir is taking the world by storm and we are here to talk about episodes 1 and 2. You want really ropey webbing, you got it! Mush mouthed, older Spider Man, hell yes it is. Join us for Nic Cage's first true foray into serialized television. Grab your egg cream. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by Bill Panks

Well, it's a bit late for our planned April Fool's day episode but here it is...The Nick's have taken control. Nick is joined by Nick and Nick and the decision was made to review 1994's Street Fighter. Who could possibly hate JCVD and Raul Julia, plus a weird Kylie Minogue kicker. This is Cage Match, kinda.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Here comes the least shocking news of all time: We like this movie. Into the Spider-Verse absolutely slaps and you all already know it, but we still had a great time chatting with longtime Patron: Bill! We dive into the best spidey-suits, Spider-Noir and of course, Kingpin's dick. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Power up your RADium and let's roll those tongues salaciously because we got ourselves an animated flick that Nick actually likes. We're joined by our friend Hornback to talk titans, Teen Titans. He definitely knows all of them...Beast Man, Mrs. Cosmos, Bat Kid Dude, Adriana and of course Mr Cyborg Dude (if ya nasty). Did our guest watch the right movie? Who knows?! This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Uh oh, there's an active 211, robbery in progress...of our joy. We're talking 2018's cop robbery light racism movie: Two one one. A solid chance for Boston cop accent is squandered but at least we have a pretty cool kid. Get ready for some close up Weston Cage magic. Do a rodeo flip to kick it off. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Get jacked and stacked and never forget to ABJ. We're talking the blandest movie ever with four time guest, Adam. We've been saddled with some doozies but this one might be the most nothing movie to exist. You'd think a movie about an unhinged egg donor would have some intrigue but you would be wrong. At least we had fun...This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Content Warning: This movie is about a brutal SA

Put on your robe, it's time for an all remote episode with Nick on janky hotel wifi. Here we go! It's 2017's Vengeance: A Love Story. We're smack dab in the ham-faced realm of medium okay Cage movies and this is no exception. We're joined again by Hellpockets himself: Christopher Fields. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Hop on into the murder hole but don't forget your slo-mo and plastic sheeting. We're talking good ol' boys and the importance of brothers of all types. So of course we brought Producer Peter's brother, Phillip on for a dive into 2017's Arsenal. It's the return of Nic Cage's weirdly favorite (?) character: Eddie King. Now with more nose and less accent! This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Ohh boy, we're back with more Oliver Stone. This time instead of 9/11 we're tackling DHS and NSA hellscapes! Joining the party are Freeman and Elizabeth who lend their insights into data security and selling marketing. Don't worry though, it's not all bleak spooks tracking us, we get the usual nonsense in the mix too. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Described as part of Nic Cage's "genuinely befuddling and perhaps sad phase", we are joined by friend and guest Kyle P to talk about 2015's Chinese cinema great: Outcast. Cage stars opposite a bland Hayden Christensen as "White Ghost". Join us and find out how many snakes is the correct amount of snakes...This is Cage Match

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Pile up, gang, we're talking The Croods. Will Nick love the original Croods more than the sequel? What is your favorite weird hybrid critter? Does anyone remember Clark Duke? Prepare for some weird audio for some reason and Nick's least favorite character list. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Grab your pissdog, it's a semi-intense thriller by the director of Dante's Peak so we of course mostly discuss anal insertions. Let's go deep with master pissers, secret societies, vindictive murder, January Jones, and hair plugs. Also, why does Producer Peter look so good with Guy Pierce's hairline? This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Alright boy-not-boys, load up your butt guns because we're blasting off with 2009's Astroboy. Nic Cage joins us as a dour science daddy in a drab 3D animated kids flick. Grab your roller skates, pump your Billy the Fridge and get ready to bust. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Ooh boy, here we go. It's 3 hours of movie time without Nic Cage with a cameo in a fake trailer as a racist caricature. What have we done? Cage Dancer John joins us to talk about the 2007 grind house films Planet Terror (Robert Rodriguez) and Death Proof (Quentin Tarantino). It's campy, it's stupid, but is it fun? Hold onto your ball jar, this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Hot damn, it's a NEW, in theaters, Nic Cage movie. Lotfy (totally not Lofty) Nathan's new movie about the Infancy Gospel of Thomas, kinda, and exploring the life and times of angsty teen Jesus. Oh wait, sorry, "The Boy". Nic Cage plays a SoCal style father figure while FKA Twigs purses her lips really hard. Will Nick keep his oath? Are devils chickens? Mouthy ones only today. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Oh lord, here we go. It's another animated Cage movie. This time by the studio that brought the horrid eyesore Jimmy Neutron to life. So of course we end up talking about Orson Welles and ant magic instead. Oh, and grandmas fuck now. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

The most important lesson here is that if you're ever feeling like the cock of the walk after winning your first hand of gin...maybe don't get right into your car. We're obviously talking Sonny this episode. Nic Cage's one and only directing attempt. You have to deal with some James Franco face, but it might be worth it. Keep it in your pants, Halloween Ted. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Get ready to jig and reverse jig your way to debtor's prison...because we're talking Christmas Carol: The Movie...and no, it's not the Zemeckis 3d diarrhea one. We're joined by four time Cage Match guest, Shey, to deep dive into mice in films, chains and The Holiday. Come and be visited by our three horrible specters. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Alright, Baby, pre-moisten those lollipops because we're in for a ride. It's Christopher Coppola's 1993 Deadfall! A movie about criss cross double crosses that star Michael Biehn calls one of his worst movies ever. We're joined by friend, Joey "The Smoke" to try and unpack one of Cage's wildest performances. Wig? Check. Fake nose? Check. Weird voice? Fuck yes, check. This is Cage Match.

Hooooooo, boy. Time for some early 90's race relations in a surprisingly funny comedy starring Nic Cage and Samuel L Jackson. Cage Dancer Freeman joins us to review one of just five movies by E. Max Frye. This 1993 movie has a stacked cast, some quality comedic payoffs, a very good dog, and some incredibly inept cops. Grab your weird sex gear, white people...This is Cage Match

You're either on Team Scorpion or Team Apache....guess where Nick falls this week as we review 1990's Fire Birds. A super dry clone of Top Gun with no beach volleyball and teeth clacking, other than Tommy Lee Jones when he gets his

Alright ding-a-lings, let’s get ready for some car crash, stranded in the desert antics! Here’s a 27 second cameo by Cage in an oddly star studded debut flick by Adam Rifkin. Obviously it’s Never on Tuesday, the direct to VHS masterpiece about trying to turn a lesbian straight (it was the 80’s). Have your tallest lady friend carry you off into your fantasies. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Move over, A Time to Kill, because here comes 1989's Italian invasion of Ethiopia war drama: Time to Kill. In matching all other summaries of this movie, I also will tell you little. Grab your nearest BuzzBallz® and get ready for an unreliable narrator: us. This is Cage Match

Grab your nearest coxswain and come learn how to stroke with special guest, Hayden! We're obviously talking about the greasiest butt movie Cage has ever done: The Boy in Blue. Cage plays Ned Hanlon but how does he do in this 1989 Canadian hero biopic? Eh....but at least he is incredibly ripped this time. This is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Grab your high-waisted pants and suspenders and come find out what's in the bugle case because we're reviewing Francis Ford Coppola's 1984 The Cotton Club. Our boy plays a slightly unhinged gangster in Coppola's ode to tap, black performers, and crime dramas. Call your gun-moll and pull up a cuck chair, this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Rusty James. Put your horns on because Fang, Fang, Fang and Scratchers dive deep into the moody, 1983 Francis Ford Coppola film, Rumble Fish. In an undeniably nepo role, Cage isn't given much to work with but still shines some true character. Grab some chocolate milk and get ready for our next business idea. This is Cage Match...Rusty James.

Intro music by: Bill Panks

Happy almost Flag Day, y'all but especially to you, Judge Reinhold. We're kicking off season 3 of Cage Match with a highschool sex romp barely featuring our boy, Nic. So join us while we bag on Sony Marvel movies and talk Dogma and occasionally praise Mr. Hand. This is Cage Match!

Intro music by: Bill Panks

And so we have arrived at the grand conclusion of Cage Match: The Podcast: The Game. Our four Cage's face off against some tricky foes, stupid puzzles, an alarming amount of times of Producer Peter saying "grievous damage". Darryl Edge and Alec Manley Wilson join us as we enter (hopefully) the Emerald City. Will the boys get to the bottom of the mystery? Will they make it home? All this and more...this is Cage Match.

Intro music by: Bill Panks