Magellans at the Movies

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There’s no business like show business. Actually, I think there’s at least a couple businesses in which clueless narcissists and incompetent money men make fools of themselves both privately and professionally for the viewing pleasure of the masses, but perhaps none in environs so strenuous as Hollywood. Yes, the men and women behind the movies have to kill themselves in cutthroat work so contentious you might even say it’s . . . murder. At least that’s the case for the characters of The Player, a 1992 film directed by Robert Altman and based on the book by Michael Tolkin (no relat...

I don't like alcohol. It's bitter and unhealthy, and it gets everywhere . . . you know, if you spill it. No sir, alcohol has never been for me, and indeed its popularity is on the decline across the U.S. these days. There was a time, however, when Americans were bonkers for beer, so much so that, when a passionate group of dissenters from this overwhelming liquor love instituted a nationwide ban, many were even willing to break the law to have a taste. Hence the rise of bootleggers, and further hence the events chronicled in The Untouchables, a 1987 crime drama...

What a nightmare it is to commute. To trudge in a great column of drones into the stone bellies of banks, firms, offices, and workshops only to retake your place in the same procession filtering back to homes where you eat, sleep, and prepare to do it all again. Yes, getting to work and going home can be a joyless affair, but at least we can thank our lucky stars the man at the toll booth doesn’t try to lock us in a cave to be devoured one by one. But that is just one of the many ob...

Everyone loves an underdog story, and no unlikely triumph gets audiences on their feet like those shocking upsets which unfold in sports. The victory of the Earthy Lovable Small Town Spotted Toads over the Arrogant Wealthy Big City Polar Bears is certain to move make you a Spotted Toad fan for life because the inspiring, uplifting story is so hard to resist. What's true in real life is often true in movies as well, which is why we have films like Hoosiers, a 1986 sports drama directed by David Anspaugh and based(ish)on the successes of the 1954 season of...

Ah, the heady days of youth, throwing action figures down stairwells and smashing armies of toy soldiers together in shocking displays of poor generalship. You may remember these blissful hours fondly, but playtime may carry less nostalgia if you knew that every time you dropped G.I. Joe on his plastic head you were actually committing a grave crime against the health and dignity of a living, feeling creature. That’s right, you vile war criminal, according to Toy Story, a 1995 animated adventure directed by John Lasseter, you shouldn’t be fondly reminiscing about your adolescent adventures, you should be d...

Fernão de Magalhães, or if you’re a lazy, uncultured American, Ferdinand Magellan. He probably isn’t a historical figure to whom you’ve dedicated much thought lately, or, you know, ever. Magalhães’s life and achievements may not make themselves felt in your day to day life, but there’s no denying he impacted history in a significant way. The benefits or harms of that impact, however, are, like literally everything else about history, the subject of impassioned debate. Hence Magellan, a 2025 historical epic directed by Lav Diaz, a man with some pretty strong opinions on this Portu...

Magellans at the Movies. What can I say about this storied institution, this foundational pillar of film criticism that hasn’t been said? More books have been written on the world’s most listened-to podcast than on religion, history, and self-help combined, and yet, the men behind the movies remain a mystery. Who are these two mavericks, these titans? Where do they come from? What divine spirit empowers their globe-spanning enterprises? What, finally, is the secret to their unprecedented success? Well, I guess you’ll have to wait until episode three hundred to find out because for our two hundre...

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say the word “sports?” If you said something along the lines of the majesty of the human body in motion, achieving feats of athletic beauty and physical prowess as men and women test the limits of their strength and dexterity, then congratulations . . . on being WRONG, idiot! Sports, like everything else in life, is about getting cold hard cash, something that can be accomplished more easily than ever these days thanks to the explosion of sports betting. Making bank may not be as easy as the commercials want you to thi...

Nathan and Elliot are back at it with their comic misadventures in movie reviewing, this time examining the 1958 Alfred Hitchcock classic Vertigo. Will they be made dizzy with joy by the charms of this thriller romance, or will they nauseously withdraw from the precipice in search of safer ground? Let’s find out!

Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com

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Check out our blog for more reviews and movie content!!! https://magellansatthemoviesblog.blogspot.com/

Siblings. Can’t live with ‘em, absolutely can live without ‘em, but, unfortunately for those of us who are not criminally minded, circumstances often restrict our options. Life with a brother or sister doesn’t have to be all misery and movie podcasts, however, for some brotherhood comes naturally, as is the case for the titular bros of The Blues Brothers, a 1980 musical comedy directed by John Landis. Adapted from sketches of the glory days of SNL (that’s Saturday Night Live for you uncultured types), this bouncy, melodious fable of fraternal frolicking is both well known and well liked for...

Obsession, it’s what I feel for videos of tortoises eating lettuce and the name of a 2026 horror movie directed by Curry Barker that Magellans at the Movies are reviewing today.

Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com

Donate: https://paypal.me/magellensmovies?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US

Check out our blog for more reviews and movie content!!! https://magellansatthemoviesblog.blogspot.com/

Malls . . . uh . . . hmmm, that's a tricky one. Malls are no longer the lively, vibrant organisms they once were, after all. The few remaining malls that haven't been torn down shuffle around on rotting legs in a desperate search for sustenance, you might even say the shopping mall has become something like a . . . zombie? That's right, dear listeners, today we are returning to the undead apocalypse by tackling what many would argue represents the absolute zenith of the genre: Dawn of the Dead, a 1978 horror film directed by father of the modern zombie George Romero. Dawn's reputation is that of...

SIMON! GARFUNKEL! SHUT UP ALREADY! Sorry about that, folks, I’m trying to write the description for today’s new episode, but the incessant crooning of everyone’s ninth favorite musical duo haunts my every waking moment and turns my life into a living hell ever since I watched The Graduate, a 1967 romantic comedy directed by Mike Nichols. You may not have seen this classic tale of sordid twists and youthful ennui with its, uh, enthusiastic score provided by the men whose voices now infect my brain like a malignant tumor, but you’re almost certainly familiar with its imagery...

Please stop making me write these descriptions. I’ve never seen a movie in my life. Nathan throws plot descriptions into the pit where he keeps me and just expects me to know how to set up the episode with a few jokes and some basic information. I have a doctorate in applied physics and another in analytical chemistry, I don’t care about movies! If anyone is reading this, please send help. I'm being held in some kind of underground structure, maybe an old coal mine. I can hear cars at all times of the day so it must...

Hello there! How about pigeons, am I right? What’s that? You don’t understand? How unfortunate, you see, that joke is a guaranteed knee-slapper in the standup clubs of Albania, but it seems the witticism’s humor has been lost in translation. Oh my, I see you’ve begun to feel deeply isolated and alienated thanks to the difficulty of culture shock. Perhaps you’ll feel seen by the subject of today’s brand new episode of Magellans at the Movies: Lost in Translation! This 2003 romance/comedy directed by Sofia Coppola is all about the struggle of feeling stranded in...

Space. The final frontier, and the setting for innumerable science fiction books, movies, TV shows, and video games. Space being such a vast and, as far as we know, blank canvas makes it the perfect medium upon which to project stories about ourselves and our place in the universe, a fact of which many properties have taken full advantage, but perhaps none more memorably than Star Trek. Despite the Federation’s first appearance predating the end of the Cold War by decades, this legendary sci-fi franchise is not unknown to Magellans at the Movies. We actually dove into Star Tr...

Welcome to Gotham City. A gloomy den of exotic criminality where the rain is frequent, the people fearful, and the architecture alternatingly Gothic, Art Deco, and, uh, Chicago. Gotham isn't on its own in the fight against evil and inconsistent changing art directors, though; she rests under the protection of the Caped Crusader himself, Batman! The Dark Knight is one of the most recognizable and beloved characters in fiction, and this big broody bat has transcended the pages of comics to reach just about every medium you can think of over the years. There's bat-games, bat-novels, bat-toys, bat-trading cards...

The devil. According to various religious and folkloric traditions this dastardly fellow is in the details, better if you know him, and a beast on the fiddle. What, some bold theologians dare to ask, of his wardrobe? The popular imagination may propose a red suit, but what if he - or she - were to dress in a rather more high class fashion? That’s right, faithful listeners, today Magellans at the Movies will be reviewing The Devil Wears Prada, a 2006 comedy directed by David Frankel and based on the book of the same name by Lauren Weisberger. This fa...

Drugs. When just saying no to them somehow fails, their introduction into your life is likely to bring problems as numerous as they are unpleasant. For those of you unwilling to take the word of Nancy Reagan and Mr. T, a demonstration of the full breadth of addiction’s woes may be what’s needed to keep your seat on the wagon. Thankfully, there are plenty of movies to choose from, one of the most prominent being Requiem for a Dream, a 2000 drama directed by Darren Aronofsky and based on the book of the same name by Hubert Selby Jr...

Today we will review a 2024 James Mangold directed movie called, A Complete Unknown, and honestly? Same. However, you may feel better about your anonymity when you learn that the cost of celebrity is being a two-timing, contrarian, standoffish jerk who looks (and acts) like Anakin Skywalker in Attack of the Clones. Perhaps I’m being harsh. Many people enjoyed this movie charting the ascent of folk-music hero Bob Dylan, enough that it nabbed itself more than a few award nominations. Will it enjoy a similar reception from Magellans at the Movies, or is the film just blowin in the wi...

Law. It’s one of humanity’s oldest, most important systems, boasting manifestations as numerous as they are complex. From the Code of Justinian to those weird, uniform series of books you see on lawyers’ shelves, everyone can agree that the law is important but not popularly understood. In many ways, an impenetrable, interlocking structure of codes, dictates, exceptions, statutes, and other words I’m probably not using right is a little weird when you think about it, a little chaotic, a little alienating, dare I say a little . . . kafkaesque? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Magellans at the Movies is...

Math and baseball, who knew they went together like burgers and fries? Probably all those guys with arsenals of complex spreadsheets who end up being the only ones who actually win big in sports betting, but for the rest of us dumb rubes I imagine it came as a surprise. Fortunately, you’re not alone, and if you wish to see how widespread your ignorance truly was, just watch the crow-chowing skeptics of Moneyball, a 2011 sports drama directed by Bennett Miller and based on the book of the same name by Michael Lewis. This statistics-heavy record of the Oakland A’...

William Shakespeare and his vocabulary of thous, thees, and doths has been the delight of literature nerds and the scourge of high school students since before ChatGPT had even sanctioned its first user delusion. Shakespeare is one of the best selling authors in human history (though he’s had a lot of time to build up that lead, to be fair), the most performed playwright in theater, and has been firmly atop the canon of English literature for centuries. Big Bill Shakespeare isn’t just winning on the stage, however, he’s also been adapted for the screen, many times...

The tragic sinking of the RMS Titanic was an event that saw the telling of many stories. Stories of heroism and valor as well as cowardice and ugliness. Unfortunately, none of those stories included a pair of young hotties who could be played by bankable heartthrob stars enjoying a passionate but doomed love affair, so the good people of tinsel town had to step in for the movie version. Titanic, the 1997 historical romance directed by James Cameron, may be more fiction than fact, but that didn’t stop it from achieving legendary success. This fable of the water-borne Babel ra...

As the people in my basement will tell you, in hostage situations as in parties, your host is often the difference between a legendary, all night rager and a brief, unpleasant excursion sure to end in tragedy. Remember: as the one with the gun, you are responsible for the comfort, health, and restraints of your guests, and it takes a sharp, compassionate mind to juggle these responsibilities. Without these factors in mind, things can go south fast, as evidenced by the quirky kidnapping at the heart of Bugonia, a 2025 comedy thriller directed by Yorgos Lanthimos and based on Save...

How many times has it been said? In order to navigate life, you simply must keep a good head on your shoulders. To be fair, this advice makes perfect sense: without a head on your shoulders, you’re sure to both look very silly, make very poor decisions, and be very dead. Or at least that is the lesson of Hereditary, a 2018 horror movie directed by Ari Aster and featuring a cult for whom people walking around with their heads attached is the very height of indecency. This decapitation-obsessed chiller made a big splash on release, terrifying audiences and gu...

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, nerds of all ages, welcome to Magellans at the Movies Film Fight Night! We have an electrifying match for you this evening: a contest that has been raging across fandom for decades, a question that has divided geeks into two factions of noble warriors doing battle on message boards in the name of their preferred champion, a smackdown between two of the most famous, most celebrated, most prolific characters in all of science fiction, that's right Trekkies, for one night only Magellans at the Movies will be an arena in which Captains Kirk...

Books! Books are great. They’re transportive and informative; they make you look real smart if you “accidentally” leave them out where they’re sure to be seen before guests arrive (“good heavens, I’ve left my copy of 2666 in the original Spanish in the freezer, oh silly me!”). Of course, refrigerating classic literature you’ve definitely never read is on the brighter side of the utility of books; they can also be used for sinister purposes. Indeed, the conflict over whether to use books for good or ill is at the heart of today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies wher...

Is season five of Stranger Things good? Well, stranger things have happened! Now that you’re done keeling over with hysterical laughter at that hilarious joke, please join Magellans at the Movies as they review the inexplicably long series finale of Netflix’s golden goose.

Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com

Donate: https://paypal.me/magellensmovies?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US

Check out our blog for more reviews and movie content!!! https://magellansatthemoviesblog.blogspot.com/

What an utterly terrible year 2025 has been. People are angry, depressed, and hopelessly ensnared in economic woes, and Europe is doing an alarmingly accurate throwback cosplay of the continent’s 1913 political situation. For all desiring an escape from the bleak headlines and bleaker forecasts, however, there were still movies in this the two thousand and twenty fifth year of our Lord, some of them quite good. There were sleeper hits like Sinners and very much wakeful flops like Thunderbolts, Snow White, Mickey 17, Captain America, and . . . just so many more. Still, we all know (I hope) that money hardly equates wi...

Stand by me. If that's something I ever say to you, be aware that I have likely been replaced by an alien clone. Of course, I’m the odd one here. Proximity, and the intimacy implied therein are highly valued among many people, especially watchers of Stand By Me, the 1986 coming of age classic directed by Rob Reiner and based on The Body by Stephen King. This sweet, simple movie about friendship and boyhood along a morbid quest has been a favorite with critics and audiences since release, but what will become of all the walking, talking, and gawking wh...

Ah, to be alive in the 1900s, 1910s, 1920s, 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s. When the global power of communism reached its absolute zenith, just about everyone in the world had to team up to forcibly administer Germany two successive chill pills, and the war to end all wars failed its stated purpose. Lots of important stuff happened during the first half of the twentieth century, but here at Magellans at the Movies, we don't talk about important stuff, we talk about movies. Cinema was a very young art form during this time, and some of the most influential movies...

There’s nothing quite like a night at the theater. Taking in Shakespeare from within a few hundred to a few dozen feet of the actual, living actors is just a different experience to seeing them from behind the editing and pausability of a film. Haven’t you ever wondered, though, what happens behind the curtain? In high school, it was mostly fart jokes and giggling about who was kissing who in the play, but in the more mature world of professional theater, it’s mostly snappy dialogue and fuming about who is kissing who outside the play. And, I assu...

RAAAAWR!!! Oh, apologies, I didn’t mean to terrify you with my mighty roar. You see, I was just pretending to be a dinosaur. What silly, brutish creatures they were. How unintelligent, how undeveloped, how incompatible with polite society is the crude dinosaur. Wait, what’s that? Dinosaurs weren’t low beasts, but in fact loved, dreamed, feared, and laughed? Of course! You’re right, how could I have forgotten the sentient dinos of The Land Before Time, a 1988 animated adventure directed by Don Bluth? As any good paleontologist will tell you, this film of legendary scientific accuracy depicts dinosaur...

Travel. Doesn’t the very concept just send a shiver down your spine? Sure, it’s nice to be at the Brickworks Museum in beautiful Southampton, England, but getting there is a nightmare of lines, layovers, fares, and odors. Honestly it’s enough to put one off of learning about bricks at the premier institute for global brick study in the first place, but is it enough to put you off getting home for a nice Thanksgiving meal? Certainly not for the heroes of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, a 1987 holiday themed comedy about two mismatched travelers struggling to travel across...

You low down dirty rotten scoundrel, I’ll kill you for replacing my cornflakes with a colony of cockroaches! How many times have you heard those words? It’s only natural that when someone is wronged, they desire restitution, sometimes in the form of violent revenge. The next time you play a hilarious prank on someone and they come gunning for you, however, you may wish to show them a film to educate them on the dangers of vengeance. You’ll have quite a lot to choose from, but may we recommend Blue Ruin, a 2013 crime drama directed by Jeremy...

Wait! Did you hear that? It was the sound of demonic mischief made as the witching hour unfolds. It was the sound of infernal whispers in the darkness. It was the sound of someone, or something . . . putting mayonnaise in my yogurt?!? Aw come on, that’s just childish! This series of ghostly pranks tells me that I am at the mercy of a very particular breed of hell-sent spirit, a monstrous devil who hates open doors, loves standing, and is extremely camera shy, that’s right, folks, I’ve landed myself on the bad side of the demon from Parano...

“Hey, Steve, how’s work going on that calendar?”

“Oh, hey, Barry. It's going all right, but aren’t you worried this is a little vague?”

“Whatever do you mean, Steve?”

“Well, what if we haven’t been clear enough about the meaning of the Long Count calendar, and in the future people misunderstand our dating system as prophesying the end of the world?”

“Oh, Steve, don't be silly. You’d have to be into some pretty weird New Age beliefs to think that.”

“I suppose you’re right, Barry. Say, isn’t it weird how w...

Wizards have a long history, not just in movies, but in fiction generally. Whether they’re running a class action lawsuit just waiting to happen in the form of a deathtrap boarding school, going on road trips to return some seriously defective jewelry, or burning things at random to punctuate each sentence, audiences everywhere delight in sorcerers of screen, page, and stage. Fictional wizards (as opposed to real wizards, of course) could also come in the form of a de facto monarch lording over an enclave of green structures erected in his own selfish image, exchanging favors for the as...