Blank Propaganda Machine

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys fire up the grill, whip out their meat, and prepare for a full-contact beef beatdown: Classic Burger vs Smash Burger! Kirk comes out thick and juicy for Team Classic, arguing that a real burger is a beautiful beefy blank canvas, cooked to your liking and stacked with whatever the hell your heart desires. Smash burgers? Just flattened meat pancakes for people who think burnt edges count as personality! Andy Bateman fires back for Team Smash, declaring the crispy little bastards a billion-dollar revolution that liberated America from pretentious artisanal burgers served on...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys grab their balls and prepare for a full-contact comedy collision as Kraig and Kirk settle the ultimate 2000s ball-busting showdown: Dodgeball vs Balls of Fury! Kraig comes out swinging his paddle for Team Fury, defending an underrated cult classic featuring future D-list royalty Dan Fogler and Christopher Walken delivering a villainous performance so questionably offensive it should probably come with a trigger warning. Kirk responds with a resounding "WHO'S A WHATZIT?!", wondering how a supposedly beloved cult classic managed to leave absolutely zero fingerprints on pop culture. Meanwhile, Dodgeball gave us endlessly...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys put the "Unc" in dysfunctional as Jed and Andy settle the ultimate family feud: Uncle Jesse Duke vs Uncle Jesse Katsopolis! Jed comes barreling out of Hazzard County with a trunk full of white lightning, declaring Uncle Jesse Duke the ultimate wingman, moonshine master, and good ol' boy guardian angel who can sweet talk a sheriff, outrun the law, and save your ass before the deputies finish their donuts. In fact, Jed anoints him THE BACKWOODS MESSIAH, turning a moonshine-running hillbilly into the second coming in overalls! Andy fires back for Team...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys whip out their wands and compare the size of their magical staffs as Jed and Kirk settle the ultimate wizarding pissing contest: Harry Potter vs Gandalf! Jed comes out waving his magic stick for Team Potter, arguing that Hogwarts churned out a certified spell-slinging badass with more tricks up his robe than a Vegas magician with a gambling problem. Gandalf? Just an elderly pyrotechnics enthusiast with a fancy walking stick, a smoke machine, and one goddamn catchphrase! Kirk fires back for Team Gandalf, insisting that you don't need a thousand spells when...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys taste the rainbow and slap fight over Color vs Black & White! Jed comes out blazingly fabulous for Team Color, declaring COLOR IS PROGRESS and black & white an obsolete relic that should be painted over with a giant bucket of Technicolor. Why settle for gray when you've got the whole damn crayon box? Kirk gets classy for Team Black & White, arguing that monochrome is timeless, emotional, and makes everything look important. Color? That's just flashy eye candy screaming from the darkest depths of Michael Bay's mind! Jed wants every old movie colorized immediately...

This week on Mass Debate, the BPM Boys stop being polite, start getting real, and immediately get ordered to "PUT THEIR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM" as Jed and Kraig battle over the primordial ooze of reality television: The Real World vs COPS! Jed throws on a backwards cap for Team Real World, declaring it the voice of a hip new 90s generation despite the minor inconvenience that he never actually watched the goddamn show. But he heard people talking! Meanwhile, COPS, according to Jed, was television for old fuddy-duddy dads who fell asleep in recliners waiting to...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys draw a line in the dirt, immediately pave over half of it, and argue which side represents the superior way of life: City or Country! Kirk hails a cab for Team City, declaring the urban jungle mankind's glorious headquarters for culture, cuisine, entertainment, and stores that remain open after 7 goddamn PM. Kraig counters that it's also headquarters for crime, misery, traffic, and paying to park somewhere you never wanted to go in the first place. Instead, he retreats to Team Country, painting a pastoral paradise of fresh air, starry nights, the Milky...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys raid the sitcom vault and immediately discover some boxes should probably stayed buried, as Jed and Kirk battle over 80s family warmth versus 90s nihilism: The Cosby Show vs Seinfeld! Jed drinks deeply from the "Sleepy" Kool-Aid for Team Cosby, remembering a simpler time when America's Dad dispensed sweaters, life lessons, and heartwarming laughs  that have since acquired one hell of an asterisk.  Kirk comes out airing grievances  for Team Seinfeld, arguing that if The Cosby Show was such an immortal cultural juggernaut, why has it become harder to find than a dam...

On this week's episode, Kirk and Kraig are storming the castle to determine which medieval comedy reigns supreme: Monty Python and the Holy Grail or Robin Hood: Men in Tights! Kirk clops his coconuts into battle for Team Grail, arguing that Python’s masterpiece routinely sits atop greatest-comedies-ever lists and has produced more endlessly quotable lines than Arnold Schwarzenegger at a Renaissance Fair after six tankards of mead and a smoked turkey leg. He dismisses Men in Tights as barely cracking Mel Brooks’ own Top Five, prompting Kraig to unsheathe Team Tights and declare Holy Grail an old, stuffy reli...

On this week's episode, somebody greases the dais and sets subtlety on fire as G-Man and Jed decide who deserves the crown of ultimate roastmaster: Don Rickles or Jeff Ross! Moderator Kraig arrives pre-flustered and immediately loses control of the asylum, allowing G-Man to channel the boozy ghosts of the Dean Martin roasts and proclaim Rickles the GOAT of verbal abuse, the human emergency flare producers launched whenever the host wasn't funny enough to keep America awake. Jed counters that Jeff Ross took Rickles' ancient insult crafting, strapped a jet engine to its ass, and transformed roasting into a...

On this week's episode, the cul-de-sac becomes a goddamn war zone as Kraig and Jed feud over the fence to determine which 90s sitcom neighbor deserves the keys to our collective heart: Steve Urkel or Wilson! Kraig comes crashing through the drywall for Team Urkel, arguing that Steve was a suspender-powered comedy neutron bomb who went from annoying neighbor kid to basically turning Family Matters into the Steve Urkel Show. Jed fires back that Urkel's Pepé Le Pew-style pursuit of Laura has aged like milk. Jed instead backs Wilson, the mystical Fence Yoda of Home Improvement, who could diagnose T...

On this week's episode, bullets are flying - feet bullets that is -  as Jed and special guest JT settle the question nobody had the courage, mental illness, or the abundance of free-time to ask: Who wins the Deadly Dance-Off, Jack Reacher or John Wick? Jed glides onto the floor for Team Reacher, arguing that this enormous man-mountain has the surprising finesse to unleash a foxtrot so smooth it should be classified as a concealed weapon. JT fires back for Team Wick, claiming Baba Yaga has swagger to spare and enough precisely choreographed killing experience to turn the dance f...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys settle the most adorable conflict since Alex P. Keaton boxed that kangaroo on a very special Family Ties! Special guest Skyler Norwood and Kirk battle over the cutest cuddle creature: Capybara vs Red Panda! Skyler rolls in for Team Capybara, calling them the undisputed heavyweight champions of chill. According to Skyler, if world leaders spent five minutes petting a capybara, we'd cut global conflict by at least 850%. They're basically giant guinea pigs with the emotional availability of a therapist and the body of a David Hasselhoff body pillow.

Kirk adorably...

On this week's episode, the taps are flowing with nonsense and beer commercials from 1973, as Kirk and Kraig revive the greatest barroom argument ever advertised: "Less Filling" vs "Tastes Great!" Kirk cracks one open for Team Less Filling, arguing that if you're chasing that full-flavor adventure, Miller High Life already exists. "It ain't the damn Champagne of Beers for nuthin'!" he bellows, insisting Miller Lite's true superpower is letting you survive a backyard barbecue without needing to unbutton your jeans halfway through the potato salad. Why waste calories on "meh" when you can down another pork chop in a...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys crank the volume to eleven as Kraig and Jed drop the needle on the ultimate mixtape melee: 90s Music vs 80s Music! Kraig storms in for Team 90s dripping with enough flannel and angst to choke a barista. He rapid fires band names with the confidence of Rain Man at a damn Sam Goody, only to get hopelessly trapped in a Beck-Loop™, repeating "Beck... Beck... Beck..." until Moderator Kirk smacks him on the snout with a rolled up Details magazine.

Jed responds by moonwalking into the fight with exactly two wo...

On this week's episode, mathematics is dragged into a back alley and beaten senseless as Jed and Kirk square off over the ultimate numerical nonsense: Which prime number reigns supreme...3 or 7? Jed counts to 3 and confidently stops there, arguing that good things come in 3s: the Holy Trinity, cinematic trilogies, the three branches of government, and basically every story that knows when to quit. Kirk immediately divides and conquers, proclaiming that 7 isn't just a number...it's a lucky number. Lucky 7 lights up slot machines, Harry Potter needed 7 books to become a legend, and unlike those Lord of the Rings...

On this week's episode, the pressure fryer is cranked to eleven as Kirk and Kraig meet on the battlefield, both fighting under the flag of Colonel Harlan Sanders. But this is an internal war...a brother's war over KFC's greatest culinary conundrum: Original Recipe vs Extra Crispy. Kirk digs in for Team Original, arguing that Colonel Sanders already achieved fried perfection the first time around. "Didn't we learn anything from New Coke?" he asks, accusing Kraig of trying to fix something that wasn't broken and replacing timeless flavor with a crunchy imposter of absolute BS. Kraig gets greasy for...

On this week's episode, the Founding Fathers immediately regret giving us independence as Jed and Kraig celebrate America's birthday by arguing which explosive delivers the most patriotic chaos: the M-80 or the Roman Candle. Jed lights the fuse for Team M-80, proudly declaring it the George Washington of recreational mayhem, capable of turning toilets into folklore, mailboxes into modern art, and common sense into a missing persons case. To Jed, M-80s aren't just fireworks... they're the sound of freedom filing a workers' comp claim. Kraig fires back that M-80s are illegal, making them the least American thing...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys take a nighttime stroll down Bad Decision Boulevard as Kirk and special guest Chris Morris square up over who would win in a street fight: Tommy DeVito or Nino Brown? Kirk comes out swinging for Team DeVito, painting Joe Pesci's pint-sized psychopath as a feral little meatball with a Napoleon complex and a short fuse. He argues Tommy's lack of reach is actually an advantage, allowing him to dart around like an angry garden gnome, throwing ball punches, biting kneecaps, and generally fighting with the decorum of a raccoon trapped in a...

On this week's episode, cinema's biggest heavyweights step into the ring as Jed and special guest Skyler Norwood battle over which director boasts the better filmography: Quentin Tarantino or Steven Spielberg? Jed storms in carrying a glowing golden suitcase for Team Tarantino, arguing that Quentin's films have everything a growing cinephile needs: razor-sharp dialogue, creative profanity, stylish violence, and a remarkable ability to resurrect careers that Hollywood had already buried in the backyard. To Jed, Tarantino isn't a director, he's a cinematic mad scientist blending genres together until something beautiful, bizarre, and occasionally explosive crawls out of the lab...

On this week's episode, the BPM Boys plant their flags on opposite shores and ask the question that has divided America since the invention of overpriced real estate: Which Coast Has the Most: East Coast or West Coast? Kirk comes out firing for Team East, likening the Atlantic seaboard as a sultry mistress with four distinct seasons, centuries of history, and just enough emotional instability to keep things interesting. He argues the West Coast is basically a one trick pony that lacks any variety short of the occasional mudslide. G-Man counters with Team West, painting a picture of endless...

On this week's episode, the squared circle expands to encompass all of pop culture as Kirk and Jed step into the ring to answer one colossal question: Who’s the bigger pop culture icon: Hulk Hogan or The Rock? Kirk storms out waving the stars and stripes for Team Hogan, arguing that the Hulkster’s 24-inch pythons, neon charisma, and enough cocaine-era energy to power a small city helped turn professional wrestling into a global phenomenon. To Kirk, Hogan isn’t just a wrestler, he’s a cultural landmark with a handlebar mustache attached.

Jed enters to the smel...

On this week's episode, the grills are hot, the eyes are bloodshot, and the digestive systems are filing formal complaints as Kraig and Jed stagger into battle over the superior late-night drunk/high food spot: White Castle or Waffle House? Kraig slides in greasy for Team Castle, declaring the humble slider a tiny square patriot missile packed with enough onions, grease, and regret to soak up a full evening of poor decisions. He argues White Castle is less a restaurant and more a delicious gastrointestinal reset button for the American spirit.

Jed immediately takes this as a...

On this week's episode, things get weird, wet, and deeply uncomfortable as Kraig and Chris battle over which turn of the century alt-comedy fever dream lives rent free in our heads: Freddy Got Fingered or Cabin Boy. Kraig bursts through the door for Team Freddy like a man fueled entirely by non-sequiturs, awkwardness, and unresolved trauma, calling the movie “a raw, throbbing masterpiece of comedic anarchy.” He praises Rip Torn as the film’s chaotic daddy figure, barking madness with the drunk energy of a man on the brink of walking off set and passing out on the craft servic...

On this week's episode, Studio 8H becomes the Thunderdome as Jed and JT throw down over the most iconic Saturday Night Live cast member of all time: Will Ferrell vs Eddie Murphy. Moderator Kirk tosses in a Happy Fun Sized curveball by letting Jed pick any SNL cast member to challenge Eddie, and Jed immediately slaps the table with full cowbell confidence, claiming Ferrell could steal a sketch with one confused stare and a sweater vest, turning even throwaway parts into comedy folklore.

 JT fires back like a leather-clad comedy assassin, arguing Eddie didn’t need a sta...

On this week's episode, decorum dies a glorious death as Kirk and Jed flip the bird with surgical precision over the proper way to give the finger: Thumb Out vs Tucked. Kirk extends himself proudly for Team Thumb Out, arguing it’s the effortless insult, a casual flick of disrespect that says “you’re not even worth full hand engagement.” He even compares it to a pinky-out tea sip - refined, dismissive, and devastatingly classy.

Jed clenches up for Team Tuck, claiming the fully committed fist delivers 90% power, 100% intention, and proves you’re not just flipping someone off...you’...

On this week's episode, get ready to be sham-wowed as Kraig and Jed shout, slap, and scrub their way through who’s the most iconic TV pitch man: Slap Chop Vince or Billy Mays? Kraig comes out slapping nuts and taking names for Team Vince, calling him a back-alley blender boss, a streetwise slicer who sold kitchen gadgets like he was moving product out the back of an El Camino. He paints Vince as a no-frills, all-thrills hustle machine, while throwing shade at Billy’s “alleged” off-camera antics.

Jed fires back immediately, calling Vince a human cartoon weasel a...

On this week's episode, the cosmos gets messier than Dolph Lundgren's accent as JT and Kraig blast off into a neon-soaked showdown over which 80s sci-fi movie rules the galaxy: Masters of the Universe or Flash Gordon. JT plants his flag on Eternia for Team He-Man, calling him the ultimate “I have the power” fantasy: a muscle-bound meathead who made every kid feel like a hero and wasn’t afraid to recruit a whole squad of lovable freaks to get the job done. Kraig fires back with full space-royalty energy, insisting Flash Gordon is the original intergalactic blueprint: a lightn...

On this week's episode, the kitchen turns into a full-blown bake-off brawl as Jed and Kirk whisk it all on the line over who’s the true Master Baker: Cake Boss or Julia Child? Jed storms in for Team Cake Boss, frosting flying, claiming Julia’s stuck baking your grandma’s greatest hits, while his guy is out here building fondant fortresses at industrial scale: mass cakes, mass crowds, mass chaos. He argues Cake Boss doesn’t just bake, he mass-produces edible monuments.

Kirk fires back like a perfectly timed oven door slam, calling Jed culinarily criminal for disr...

On this week's episode, childhood comfort gets absolutely curb-stomped as Kraig and Kirk turn Saturday morning sweetness into a full-blown sugar massacre over Care Bears vs Gummi Bears: Who wins in a death match? Kraig opens with a soft, cuddly haymaker, claiming the Care Bears are emotionally stable, love-powered tanks raised in cloud-based households with zero baggage and maximum beam potential. He paints the Gummi Bears as juice-chugging addicts, too busy fiending for their next hit of Gummi Berry Juice to mount any real offense.

Kirk immediately flips the script, calling the Care Bears tie-dye pushovers who’d...

On this week's episode, we cut class and head straight to detention as Ian and Jed throw down over the greatest 80s teen movie: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off vs The Breakfast Club. Ian ditches school in style for Team Ferris, calling him the patron saint of playing hooky, a fourth-wall-breaking wizard who borrows Ferraris, steals parades, and makes rebellion look like a day spa. Jed fires back from the library with Club Breakfast, arguing it’s not just a movie, it’s a masterpiece that breaks down cliques faster than Bender breaks rules, proving brains, athletes, basket cases, prince...

On this week's episode, things get super bowl-derline unhinged as Professor Safety and Kirk go helmet-to-helmet over the ultimate question: What’s the greatest halftime show of all time - Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” or Prince in the rain? Professor Safety comes out firing like it’s fourth-and-chaos, declaring “the nipple” a pop culture Hail Mary - a moment so shocking it went toe-to-toe with Tom Brady for clutch performance of the decade. He argues it was the last time live TV felt dangerous, before everything got delay-buttoned into oblivion.

Kirk counters with full Purple Rain energy, callin...

On this week's episode, things get looney and toon-ed up as Jed and G-Man spark one up over who would be more fun to get high with: Roger Rabbit or Bugs Bunny. Jed jumps in for Team Roger, calling him the full cartoon package - wild energy, slapstick chaos, and a plus-one that turns heads faster than a record scratch. G-Man immediately calls foul, accusing Jed of burning runtime without a punchline, and counters with Bugs as the ultimate chill companion - a carrot-chomping, chess master playing mind games while everyone else forgets where they left the lighter.

On this week's episode, animation domination turns into annihilation as Kraig and Kirk throw cartoon hands over which animated TV comedy reigns supreme: Family Guy or King of the Hill? Kraig bursts in like a cutaway gag with espresso in its veins, declaring Seth MacFarlane a generational genius and reminding everyone that Family Guy literally rose from the dead because the people demanded more talking baby nihilism. “That’s power,” he says. “That’s cultural dominance.” He then asks, with theatrical smugness, “Where is King of the Hill now?”  

Kirk points out that a new season just aired and argues...

On this week's episode, PBS goes pay-per-view as Jed and Professor Safety absolutely suplex your childhood over who would win in a physical fight: Mister Rogers or Bob Ross? Jed comes out swinging for Team Rogers, suggesting that the soft-spoken sweater saint was just method-acting for PBS checks, and once the cameras stopped rolling, he transformed into Heisenberg in loafers, politely asking you to be his neighbor before rearranging your furniture and your jaw. According to Jed, you’d be shocked what Fred was packing under that cardigan - both emotionally and structurally.

Professor Safety, meanwhile, turns Bo...

On this week's episode, things get downright utensil-itarian as Kirk and Kraig fork over their sharpest takes on the question: Does everyday cutlery need an upgrade - The Spork vs Spoon and Fork? Kirk digs in for Team Classic, arguing that when it comes to dining, specialization matters. You scoop soup with authority and spear steak with purpose. The spork, he says, is just a half-tined identity crisis that can’t fully commit. He even suggests its stubby lil' prongs and lack of penetration power hit a little too close to home for Kraig.

Kraig, undeterred, embraces Te...

On this week's episode, we’re crackin’ open a cold bottle of 90s nostalgia and seeing which lunchroom legend reigns supreme: Yoo-hoo or Capri-Sun? Jed blasts out of the gates with a two-fisted trip down memory lane, claiming Yoo-hoo was the undisputed champ of vending machines, the chocolatey brown elixir of champions and every sweaty teenager’s post-P.E. reward. But Kraig jabs back with a shiny pouch full of flavor variety, arguing that Capri Sun came in ten flavors and one unspoken truth: stabbing that pouch was a rite of passage.

The Q&A spirals into a full...

On this week's episode, it’s a tangled web of chaos as Jed, Kirk, and special guest Jonathan "G-Man" Goolsby swing headfirst into the great power, great responsibility, and greatly unnecessary drama of Who Was the Best Spider-Man: Garfield, Holland, or Maguire? Kirk crawls in early with Team Holland, claiming Tom’s the perfect hybrid of teen awkwardness and proven hero, and boasting more MCU movies under his belt than Aunt May has lovers post-Uncle Ben. Jed clings to the wall of nostalgia like a radioactive barnacle, swearing Tobey set the gold standard with the best villains, best crying face...

On this week's episode, it’s the clash of the savanna titans as Kraig and special guest Chris Morris square off in a fight to the death between a giraffe and a rhinoceros. Kraig gallops out of the gate swinging...literally, claiming the giraffe is nature’s sleeper agent, lulling foes into a false sense of serenity before going full Happy Gilmore with that neck-meets-sledgehammer skull. Chris isn't fazed, describing the rhino as a low-to-the-ground girth goblin built for one thing: nut-seeking destruction. He claims that one well-placed horn jab would turn the giraffe’s majestic stride into a tragic...

On this week's episode, bullets fly and logic dies as Kraig and special guest Ian Picciano square off over which cinematic badass reigns supreme: Rambo or The Terminator? Kraig bursts in shirtless and waving a flag, declaring Rambo an all-American meat missile, forged in the fires of freedom and shirtless vengeance. But Ian doesn’t flinch, calmly revealing that the Terminator is literally made of American steel and could crush Rambo like a juice box in a minefield. Kraig fumbles the flag and backpedals hard, scrambling to rebrand the Terminator as some secret ICE-funded robo-narc, only for Ian to sh...