Confessions of a Closet Romantic

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In Halloween season, I like my frights and scares with a cozy dose of relationship drama and romance, plus a bit of breathing space for pondering, or a belly laugh. These movies and shows are full of atmosphere and creepy vibes, sometimes humor and often a bit of sexiness and romance, for that perfect scary blend. 

CW: plenty of cussing and described gore

(Thanks to www.FesliyanStudios.com for the spooky intro/outro music)

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There is nothing better than a Universal h...

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To honor the late Dolly Parton and her embodiment of kindness and authenticity, I'm revisiting some favorite actresses and favorite performances in some favorite romcoms. I think all of these women have something in common with Dolly: they pick roles where they can be real, and show intelligence, warmth, vulnerability and kindness. Those are the qualities I most admire in others and it's the reason why I enjoy their performances so much.

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Instead of the dated 9 to 5 trailers, take a look at this awesome documentary...

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Deep loyalty, love, and devotion – even beyond reason – is a familiar romance trope. But right now I'm loving this trope applied to female friendships and relationships in action-packed stories about fearless women in dangerous jobs or pinned down by bad choices. Brave and sometimes foolish, they're backed by a ride-or-die chum who knows where the bodies are buried and where to get the best diner pancakes at 3 AM. And most importantly, how to be there for someone who's important to them.

CW: explicit film clips, plenty of spoilers

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(This episode contains spoilers).

I only have a few more episodes to go, but this series so far is refreshing, delightful and vicariously quite healing. As a middle child, Mary Bennet has never been the star or even costar of any Pride and Prejudice adaptation, rather an outcast and object of ridicule. But in this reimagining of the story, Mary finally emerges as swan from her oppressive existence at Longbourn, becoming the main character in her own life as she takes a new job in London. Turns out she's a smart...

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(This episode contains spoilers)

I have been in the worst romance novel slump for ages, but Bridgerton Season 4 has restored that glorious, lush fantasy feeling from all of my favorite romance books. We know the destination of romantic tropes, but we don't know how each journey is going to go, which is part of the fun. Luckily, the Bridgerton production team knows at this point just how to spin a romantic story to stir our anticipation and our hearts in the most delicious way.

Bridgerton S4 is based on...

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Life continues to throw a lot at me (I'm sure we can all relate) but I did get to take another road trip to the mountains with my sweetie. We were road tested on a few issues including broken down rental cars and hotel accessibility and I started thinking about what you learn about yourself when you travel. That inspired a new episode (coming soon) about romantic movies featuring characters who leave home to explore new horizons, and in between the ice cream, sightseeing, luxury hotel beds, Tuscan villa renos and arguments with...

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I survived a bad winter storm that knocked out my heat and electricity for almost a week, so it's good to be back!

Speaking of drama, Wuthering Heights is one of my favorite books of all time, so I've been following the crazy anticipation for the Emerald Fennell film adaptation of the story that just opened this weekend. Adapting beloved classic stories for the screen isn't easy – filmmakers will never manage to perfectly interpret the story for every fan of the source material, and they have to earn attention in ways th...

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I'm back from a long break and what a phenomenal show and movie to come back to. I've certainly had a lot of experience with frenemies in my life, and participated in  perplexing, frustrating romances where I bickered, bantered and got annoyed regularly, yet couldn't stay away. These stories embody that frenemies to lovers trope perfectly, so if you crave delayed gratification, casual betrayals and slow burning, combustible intimacy that fixes it all in your romance, start streaming ASAP. 

CW: this episode is quite explicit

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I don't often read or watch sci-fi stories, but add in a romance and I'm there. I have a specific kink for stories about human-robot love, android love, any kind of machinery that takes on human characteristics and can hug. Forbidden Planet is my jam, I, Robot and RoboCop freak me out a bit, but movies that ask questions about our essential humanity by transferring our ideal characteristics – and our flaws and romantic blunders – onto machines are some of my favorite types of romances.

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"In here...

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(Life continues to kick my behind, so I'll be releasing episodes every few weeks or so through the rest of the year. Follow me on your favorite podcast app so you don't miss a thing. As always, thanks for listening!)

Season 2 of Nobody Wants This was just released on Netflix, and it's different show runners, but equally heartwarming, sexy, touching and hilarious – if not more so. I'm only a third of the way through the latest season, but had to pop in and say: it's 100% fresh, so don't miss it. 

h...

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(Had a great time on my road trip, got back – and I've been sick ever since. This year has been one endless struggle bus ride, and there's room for more, so hop on :)

Materialists seems to be a polarizing movie that isn't quite a romcom, isn't quite a straight up romantic drama, while ending happily, making it one of the most interesting hybrid stories I've seen in a while. Dakota Johnson is incredible as Lucy, a smart but cynical matchmaker who treats her clients as commodities – and threatens to do the same...

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(I'm going on another road trip with my sweetie, traveling parts of historic Route 66, so I'll see you towards the end of the month!)

Taylor Swift just announced her fairytale engagement (which was obvious after they appeared on that recent New Heights podcast episode — have two people ever looked more in love?!) so it seemed like the perfect time to replay the episode I recorded a while back with one of my favorite guests and fellow fangirl Mariah, examining our parasocial bestie relationship with Taylor Swift. We squeal, we gush, we an...

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This is the year that we're saying goodbye (for now?) to some beloved big and small screen friends. Call it parasocial, call it learning through art, but tuning into these characters and their fictional ups and downs made me feel like I belonged to their charmed worlds in New York City and London, and lives full of fabulous fashion, awesome apartments, cool jobs, chosen family, hot romances — and plenty of drama. I truly feel sad saying goodbye, and I think these flawed yet fitting endings still honor these characters and the relationships we ha...

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I found these poignant movies on a search for something else, and couldn't take my eyes off either one — they are stunners. Lyrical direction and pacing, spare soundtracks and understated, nuanced performances float gentle light layers of meaning into every scene in each of these stories. They're soulful, profound at times, revealing the struggles and authentic moments of connection in these women's lives.

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Pamela Anderson is a revelation as The Last Showgirl.

The Lido de Paris that Sh...

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I've been thinking for a long time about the gendered sociocultural accusation of "too much" that's often directed towards women's behavior, especially how they love and connect to others, and how often this theme appears in romantic stories. This episode is the first in a little series I have planned, talking about female characters in romances who are shamed for being "too much," especially in costume dramas and 19th century romantic novel adaptations. Lena Dunham's fantastic new romantic comedy series is the perfect jumping off point to examine the power this accusation still...

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(I'm taking a short break in the next couple of weeks for a road trip with my sweetie. I'll be back soon!)

My journey from a strict religious upbringing to discovering I'm mildly kinky in the right settings, and with the right partner, was quite the revelation. These fascinating, complex stories explore women also discovering their secret desires, vulnerabilities and sexual thrills through consensual BDSM kink. The movies are sometimes titillating, sometimes romantic but always thought-provoking in a way that you don't often see on the big screen.

CW...

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This episode from a few years ago is one of my most popular, and since life has been kicking my behind lately, I thought it was a good time to take a breather and forget it all by getting kinky. It's also the episode that best represents my growth as a partner, person and podcaster, all thanks to producing and hosting this show. 

I'm working on a new episode about kink and kinky romance inspired by the Nicole Kidman movie Babygirl, so look for that next time. Meanwhile, hope you enjoy t...

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One of my favorite romantic tropes in all the world is chosen or found family. Rock bands, the military, college besties, your work husband and siblings, your little clique in high school, your beloved pets past and present—if they choose you and you choose them, they're family. If you had a less than ideal upbringing, stories like these full of emotional complexity along with acceptance, loyalty and love, are so healing and remind us that relations are always our choice.

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Who wouldn't want to be...

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After losing my sweet senior dog this week, I find myself mired in waves of grief, but in between, also feeling grateful for love: human, animal, loving relationships in all of their forms and however they come into our lives. The love of an animal is a very special experience, and my heart goes out to other pet guardians who may be experiencing anticipatory grief of their own.

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It's hard to describe how sexy, funny yet heartbreaking this mini series is. Based on real-life best friends Molly and Nikki, who created a podcast about Molly's sexual adventures while in hospice, it's one woman's story of healing, emotional fulfillment and discovering who she is as a romantic and sexual being. It's also a comical, heartfelt, life-affirming look at the deep bonds and love shared between female friends. (CW: explicit descriptions of kink and sex, reference to childhood SA)

"I want to feel everything for as long as...

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I'm a true gore-phobe, but I was blown away by these unforgettable movies, and their amazing (and bloody) revenge moments. One is an intense, atmospheric Frankenstein horror story, the other a joyously funny Beauty and the Beast-inspired monster romcom with wit, hot monster sex and plenty of emotion. Different as they are, they're both about women coming into their own and reclaiming their power to scare away the monsters lurking everywhere, just waiting to tell them how imperfectly perfect they are.

As absurd and outrageous as all of the absurd and...

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I'm recovering from a nasty flu that has affected my voice, but hope to be back soon, so let's revisit one of my favorite episodes from the past few years. As you know, one of my favorite topics is finding hot sex, love and romance past the age of 40, 50 or even 60 — my sweetie and I have been living this dream for more than two years now and I can tell you, it's glorious. Never give up on your desires!

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If you enjoyed this episode, please click sh...

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(I'll be taking a break in the next few weeks for my sweetie's extended visit!)

Seeking hot, healthy sex and love later in life is quite the adventure, as I have discovered. It helps to have a compassionate, wise guide for the journey like sex educator Dr. Donna Jennings PhD. I interviewed Dr. J  a few years ago about healthy sexuality at every age, and how to identify your deepest sexual and romantic desires, and she's the positive role model we all need.

https://www.confessionsofaclosetromantic.c...

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The new Amy Schumer romcom Kinda Pregnant follows how far one woman will go to realize her fantasy of motherhood and a family of her own. After her best friend gets pregnant and tired of waiting for her own moment, she decides to wear a fake baby bump — only part time — and a hilarious, sometimes sad farce ensues. Schumer's trademark earthy humor grounds a mix of funny and emotional insights about romance, relationships, and women's role in the baby industrial complex. (CW: graphic discussions of pregnancy, brief mention of abortion)

https://www...

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(Some clips in this episode have minor spoilers).

Oh I love a tone like this: funny, smart but also emotional, dark and dramatic: let's call it an American-neurotic cozy murder mystery. There is a mystery at the heart of this show, and an amazing house, but it's also about a beautiful neighborhood full of interesting couples grappling with serious issues and a desperate desire to own this classic Hollywood home, complete with mandarin tree, in trendy Los Feliz. Who does this house really belong to? Who deserves it more? Who...

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(I'll be taking a brief break in January – see you next year!)

There's a unique flavor to British romcoms and especially British romantic holiday movies: a dash of vinegar mixed in with the sugar and spice, a grounding bite to the proceedings, a bittersweet gentle melancholy, an undercurrent that keeps it real and earns the emotion in every tiny moment and line. These movies hit just the right spot for me this year, reminding me that I'm not alone if I can bravely reach out, where there are valuable and he...

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The world can be harsh place, but the grace of love — familial, chosen family, platonic and especially intimate and romantic love  — always helps you through. It's a gift that keeps on giving and keeps you going, so let's be grateful for wherever and whenever we are graced with it. The best holiday movies and romcoms remind us that cultivating and growing relationships is never easy, but always worth it in the end.


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My favorite holiday movies and romcoms are the ones with stories so go...

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Who doesn't love a romantic meet cute? Who doesn't love a double meet cute, a story about fate, searching for the one — when the real one is right under your nose? Add a great script, good banter, two lead characters to root for from the first minute, a great supporting cast and some funny shenanigans while chasing a spare ticket to a sold out Pentatonix Christmas Eve concert: this sexy warm-hearted holiday romcom is just the cheer we need this year.

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Dang, another trailer th...

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It's the season: bring on the witchy energy. These movies could be called dark romcoms, because they center romantic love in their plots, and they're often funny, but it's a corrupted or disappointing love, with witches as the main characters scrambling to find their power and the right sorcery for success, illegal illicit or otherwise. On the way to making us laugh or cry, these movies explore some fairly serious themes around domestic violence, sexual consent, cultural conditioning, emotional abuse and how the patriarchy often strives to minimize and control women's innate power...

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It took me a long time to check out this sport romance, but to say I was knocked over by this inventive, dramatic, erotic story is an understatement. It's about a threesome, a love triangle, sport prodigies, early promise, the pursuit of excellence, the thrill and disappointments of growing up, playing the game of life and love, sex as the game and the game being mostly about sex. How to explain? You just need to experience it.

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"This is a game about winning the points...

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Mismatched family cultures, personal values and beliefs: most romantic couples can relate. The sexy atheist and the hot rabbi at the center of this funny and often deep and touching fish out of water romcom dodge devastating zingers, doubtful friends, meddling families, sarcastic siblings, and a culture that just doesn't want one of them, but their sparkling chemistry and faith in each other always manages to get them through.

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Is there a world where this works? There better be, because I'm hanging on for season...

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(I'm taking a little break over the next few weeks because my sweetie is coming to visit! See you in October).

This month, I'm celebrating the fourth anniversary of my podcast! After more than 100 episodes, I had sunk into a tiny romance slump — then I discovered these romcom parodies, poking gentle but hilarious fun at romance tropes (do grown women always trip and fall in romcoms?!) Not only are they clever and perfectly written parodies, they're also enjoyable if predictable (heh) romcoms, too. Sometimes celebrating while giggling at beloved romance conventions an...

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I've been feeling a bit under the weather, while also preparing for my sweetie's upcoming visit (a much longer visit this time), and my heart's full of romance and  thoughts about when we first fell in love. So it's the perfect time to replay my episode about Cyrano, Joe Wright's lush romantic musical version of the classic Cyrano de Bergerac story. Every gorgeous musical phrase and motif by Aaron and Bryce Dessner of The National, and lyric by The National lead singer Matt Berninger and his partner, Carin Besser, embodies the yearning thrill a...

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Being single — whether it's a temporary identity or permanent — is valid life choice, but it doesn't often feel that way in our society. Living a romantic life can mean being part of a couple, and also includes being unpartnered, child free, parenting a pet, and falling in love with yourself. Some brave real life artists and fictional characters of the 19th and early 20th century managed to create this type of life, and while you shouldn't need to be a courageous soul to pull it off, these romantic stories and movies about their live...

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The 4th anniversary of the show is coming up, and I have learned so much about myself and my desires while making this podcast. I appreciate every listener, and also feel so grateful for the journey I've been on, taking a closer look at some of the best romances in books and on screen. So I'm replaying an episode from my 2nd anniversary that celebrates connection and sexual desires, and creating space for them. Even if it's a tiny corner of your heart, finding room for pleasure and passions is some of the...

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I'm child free but Anne Hathaway, Brooke Shields and Nicole Kidman are the hottest of hot mamas in these romcoms, and make motherhood look like living your best life on steroids. It's a difficult enough job without worrying if you qualify for the MILF label like these ladies do, and sure, they're guilty of mothering while sexy and gorgeous. But these actresses of a certain age playing mothers of a certain age taking a chance on hot lovers and age-gap romance also act out the real challenges of showing up for yourself, your...

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Let's close out Pride Month with a replay of my episode about two amazing LGBTQ screen romances: the romantic drama Supernova, and the gleeful musical about teen love, The Prom. Prepare for snotty crying, then bopping in your chair.

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Don't miss my episode on the fantastic LGBTQ romcom Fire Island.

And the fabulously funny, honest and sexy gay romcom Bros.

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Hey romance friends! Let's celebrate Pride Month with a trio of smart, funny, quirky movies about queer girl crushes on high school classmates. Classmates to lovers is one of the most popular romantic tropes ever, and these movies have quite the unique take on those beats. The friendships are deep and full of love, the romantic explorations are hot, sexy, and heartfelt and the kisses are swoon-worthy. High school can be an exciting, and scary time for figuring out your desires and identity, but these young women navigate it all like the survivors...

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A romcom where a main character is addicted to porn? That's just the beginning of this amazing character study, written, directed by and starring Joseph Gordon Levitt. Jon is a difficult man to admire: he's a dishonest womanizer, marinated in heteronormative culture and toxic masculinity. Then two women cross his path and change it —one to his detriment (Scarlett Johansson as Barbara) and one to his betterment (Julianne Moore as Esther). Esther provides the mirror to Jon's behavior, and despite being at least 20 years older than he is, she's sexy, wise, and grounded an...

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It's been a couple of years, a hot minute since we spent time with the Bridgerton and  Featherington families. If this was real life, every single woman in the Ton would now be a confirmed spinster, but fortunately, in this glittering romantic period costume drama world, we resume the story as the wallflower Penelope Featherington finally gets the romance she has dreamed of. The second part of Season 3 airs on Netflix next month — how in the Regency world will this friends to lovers trope play out? I'm here for it all.