The Greatest Generation

When Archer wakes up and doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, T’Pol gets to be captain as the Xindi weapon cruises towards Earth. But after Phlox finally finds a cure for Memento disease, T’Pol dodges the caretaker bullet when Archer resets the timeline. What does a Xindi planet-killing weapon never come with? Who gets darker than dark Archer? Why does Ben have bugs in the studio? It’s the episode that measures on the enchilada scale.

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When Captain Archer leads an away team to a Xindi refinery planet, they meet an Arboreal who likes to drink alone and agrees to help them avoid another attack. But after Trip almost blows up the damn ship, Archer tip-of-the-spears a tracker into one of Degra‘s canisters of kemocite. Who sleeps in a full suit? Where do we need more motion lights? What does civil war do? It’s the episode with Gralik’s name on the box.

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When Hoshi gets a telepathic cold call, her new suitor offers to help Captain Archer’s pursuit of the Xindi as long as Hoshi stays over at his creepy castle. But after she reluctantly agrees and finds he can’t take no for an answer, she has to threaten his crystal to get back to the NX-01. Which button shows true desperation? What’s the worst Star Trek food we’ve ever seen? Should Hoshi have just stayed in uniform? It’s the episode that enjoys a water polo paprikash.

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When the Entrepreneur picks up a distress call from a Vulcan ship, a severely under-resourced away team heads over in a shuttlepod. But when T’Pol starts showing paranoid symptoms and her former colleagues are beyond help, Archer and Tucker barely get their only two shuttlepods back to the NX-01. Who isn’t going commando? Which crew member is like a licorice jellybean? What does this show really love? It’s the episode that’s broadcasting in 3D.

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When the Entrepreneur shows up at a seasteading planet, Archer goes looking for Xindi but finds a top-shelf babe who wants to escape the slave trade. But after she comes aboard and starts giving the crew hand jobs, two Xindi ships arrive to collect her and her data. Who is leech curious? Which spice wasn’t included in the exchange? What’s the shoestring fries of salads? It’s the episode with some surprising serialized consequences.

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When Archer finds a new species of Xindi in the database, he takes a shuttlepod down to the last Sears Garden Center they visited to see what he can learn from their ship. But when the away team starts mutating and goons with flamethrowers show up to contain the infected, Phlox uses T’Pol’s resistance to create an antidote. Which beverage requires trust? What’s more desperate than finger gruel? Who always ruins a good dream? It’s the episode with a soft descent into meeting. 

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When the Entrepreneur is flying Winnie the Poo style through the expanse, anomalies bring them out of warp near a vessel full of deads. But when they’re boarded and robbed by space pirates, Captain Archer turns his prisoner into a plan to retrieve their booty. Who is going inside out first? What is the Cochran equation? Which two things will get you killed in the Delphic Expanse? It’s the episode that could have used a crazy straw.

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When the Entrepreneur is six weeks into the expanse, the Captain’s only lead is an unscrupulous foreman with a Xindi miner. But when Archer and Trip get trapped with the prisoner, their sewer-based escape ends tragically at a set of useless coordinates that push them deeper into the expanse. Where’s the fresh content for a Florence Nightingale foot fetish? What could have made Trip’s nightmare better? Who is turning professional compliance inside out? It’s the episode that was very close to gruel.

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When a clockwork probe shows up to give Florida a Prince Albert, the Entrepreneur is called back to Earth and Captain Archer learns that the Xindi have an even more deadly attack in store. But when they get permission to head back out towards the Delphic Expanse, T’Pol and the rest of the crew decide to stay aboard as Duras loses his last chance at honor. What’s in the lobby of Big Dish? How is agave spirit like processed cheese food? Which feature does the Mark II have that the Mark I doesn’t? It’s the episode...

When Captain Archer gets kidnapped by a Tellarite bounty hunter, he’s slowly talked into delivering Archer to the Klingons with a means of escape. But as T’Pol gets sweaty in the decon chamber, Dr. Phlox comes up with a cure for her horny that avoids having to distribute cages to the crew. What do ants know? Why do shuttlepods have a shovel? Who can be a sniper in the Klingon military? It’s the episode that wants to wrap the grap!

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When Captain Archer gets bad news involving A.G. Robinson and a mountain, his solo away mission to a dark matter nebular turns into story time with T’Pol in the the middle seat. But when she learns about their rivalry and how Robinson influenced Archer’s career, she suggests naming their big beautiful nebula after him as a fitting final tribute. What’s the best method of birth control? Who does this show think we care about? How can copyright infringement be avoided? It’s the episode with an embarrassment of bar towels.

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When a team of Lennie scientists finds Borgsicles under the ice, thawing them out and getting too close leads to new urges around base camp. But when the Entrepreneur gets sent to intercept by Admiral Forrest, Archer blows up their damn ship after closing the First Contact loop. Who needs to look at their own messy-ass starships? What’s the best way to open a can? Which Borg drone was missing from this story? It’s the episode that no one thought was possible.

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When the Entrepreneur stops by a hypergiant star, they get to know a gregarious alien species that’s very generous with their tech. But when the two captains take a field trip and Tucker goes rouge with a Vissian, the implications for First Contact put everyone on the edge. How high can the writers’ room count? Where do cogenitors poop at the airport? What should be chiseled into Archer’s tombstone? It’s the episode that never fails to check for TNG semiotics.

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When a group of Denobulan scientists needs rescuing underground, an away team covered in spelunking gear explores a different type of Star Trek cave. But when an injured Antaran refuses treatment by Dr. Phox, Captain Know-It-All forces them to take one small step toward reconciliation. What is the golden death triangle of sadness? How do you keep a tribble from reproducing? Which movie most honors Gene Hackman’s legacy? It’s the episode that’s got three of everything!

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When the Entrepreneur gets diverted to watch some hot space action, Mayweather asks for leave to visit his family on the Horizon. But when his father’s sudden death places Paul Mayweather in a position of authority, working together to save the ship from space pirates gives the brothers hope for the future. How does Travis maintain his abs? What are horror movies of the future like? Who else could have been a sexual interest for Nora? It’s the episode that needed a Scottish accent.

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When Archer gets put on trial for helping refugees in need, his simple country Klingon lawyer requires some inspiration to mount a defense. But when the magistrate’s ruling doesn’t feel like justice, a courtroom outburst sends both of them to the dilithium mines. What’s the spiky bird of Qo'noS? How do Klingon courts make money? Where was Kolos born? It’s the episode where Rura Penthe is keeping things fun.

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When MaxFun Drive is around the corner and the Friends of DeSoto have questions, Ben and Adam sit down with producer Wynde to see what answers they can find. But when all of the accessories are the same color and video game lines get drawn in the sand, nostalgia and redundancy keep the pod sausage factory humming. Which aircraft probably costs extra in Microsoft Flight Simulator? What’s the most tedious way to play Scrabble? Who can fill in the gaps left by dinger pills? It’s the episode that’s not going to explain big dirty ring.

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When a huge chode ship approaches the Entrepreneur, Captain Archer assembles a team to investigate its gaping maw immediately. But when wispy beings start inhabiting members of the crew, their strange experiences and after-school special behavior make another mass retreat to the catwalk necessary. How could Reed be caught unawares? Which wisp should have been sent first? What was Mayweather doing all day? It’s the episode that’s gotta put a Ritter in.

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When Captain Archer and Commander Tucker get snatched out of their shuttlepod, they’re placed on a prison transport ship with an unspeakably dangerous criminal. But when his Con Air plan goes into action and Archer somehow manages to impress him, refusing to go back to Canamar is the last decision he’ll make. Whose poop is so hard that it snapped a spoon? How long will Ben remain a winner in Polo Polo or Pollo? Which specialist is MVP in the Enterprise prop department? It’s the episode that’s pro Canamar.

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When the Entrepreneur finds a tin can tumbling through space, they bring it aboard and start dropping things down its impossibly deep hatch. But when the Suliban and the Tholians both show up and start fighting over the pod, unknown future people finally collect their shit after which the NX-01 isn’t even worth a torpedo. When does an extra 5mm make a difference? Where else could you donate your body? Which shot is named after Christopher Walken? It’s the episode that just can’t get on the grappler’s level.

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When the Vulcans and the Andorians start fighting over the same shitty planet, Captain Archer gets called in on special diplomatic duty and no one really knows why. But when Shran releases a hostage and tries to open a conversation with Ambassador Soval, Suzie Plakson breaks rank and reveals she’s a war-hungry anti-Vulcite. Which superhero do you want at a sex party? Who is logicing like a fox? Will Shran ever sleep again? It’s the episode that got a little overcooked.

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When T’Pol is feeling a little green under the gills, Dr. Phlox starts telling professional lies to advance the treatment of her terminal condition. But when the Vulcans find out about her stigmatized status, there’s barely time to measure the man before one of their doctors blurts out both of their secrets. Which character is least likely to beat around a bush? What’s the number one thing about soap? Who is starting to make a pattern out of taking off his shirt? It’s the episode that somehow got the Australian dubs.

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When Commander Tucker gets shot down on a solo mission, there just happens to be a moon for him and his attacker to crash land on. But when they have to work together to get a message to the Entrepreneur, Captain Archer mounts a joint rescue operation and comes by his diplomatic success with the Arkonians honestly. Which classic 90s movie needs a punch-up? Why might Trip want to get more things done in his life? Is there something else you should always do before dinner? It’s the episode that goes hard on the R.

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When the Entrepreneur’s entire crew compliment has to move into the ship’s nacelles, the dangerous storm and the lack of personal space puts everyone on edge. But when the alien visitors who warned them about the wave turn out to be AWOL deserters, the militia men trying to steal the ship almost take their game of pollo with Captain Archer too far. What’s an everyday thang for Dr. Phlox? Does Reed have a support animal? Which new subbasement of Archer’s character has now been explored? It’s the episode that’s only half Under Siege.

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This episode is part of a project called the Star Trek Pod Crawl. We’re a group of Star Trek podcasts raising money for science education by banding together and making special episodes about some of our favorite Star Trek films. Join us in supporting the National Center for Science Education and check out all other great podcast episodes in this series by visiting StarTrekPodCrawl.com

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy.

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When Commander Tucker gets voluntold to repair an alien cryo-chamber, the beautiful woman inside turns out to be both a prisoner and a prissy storybook princess. But when they make their escape and land on a bog planet, a roll in the mud gets them to a place of mutual affection. When is Archer a good captain? What’s the next step after the international sign for choking? Who is guilty of Bob Dylan decision making? It’s the episode that contains a Menk, a Padma, and a wolf.

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When Hoshi and Trip take their very first transporter ride, Commander Tucker goes first and Hoshi feels shaken up when she rematerializes on the ship. But when no one is listening and she starts to actually disappear, her extremely anxious dream logic reveals what she thinks about her colleagues. What special skill does Linda Park have on the back of her headshot? How much hot water is available on the NX-01? Which is the most dangerous prop ever seen on Star Trek? It’s the episode that makes residue info a very sad word.

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When the Entrepreneur pulls up to a swirly space system, the radiation it emits strickens the crew with a variety of mundane obsessions. But when T’Pol is unaffected and has to navigate them out, Reed being his regular self makes it possible for them to escape. What’s Ro Laren’s favorite episode of Enterprise? Who is the Chief O’Brien of the NX-01? Why don’t Vulcans bowl? It’s the episode that leaves it the Greatest Gen way.

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When an away team returns from a pre-warp field trip, Reed realizes he didn’t do an idiot check before loading back into the shuttlepod. But when they return for the communicator with predictably terrible OPSEC, getting punched in the face repeatedly make the potential for cultural contamination so much worse. What does D’rone have for breakfast every morning? How else is Commander Tucker like a bloodhound? Which host scraps nasty? It’s the episode that carefully considers the implications of a beaded curtain.

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When a new batch of gremlins graphically burst out of Gizmo’s back, Billy and Kate do everything they can to keep them from overrunning the Clamp Center. But when some experimental mutagens create a bevy of mutant gremlins, they threaten to overrun the streets of New York City. Is bat gremlin the gremlin we deserve, and not the gremlin we need? What’s the business model for the animal testing facility? When do we get an Aliens vs Gremlins franchise? It’s the episode that needs 25% more Futterman.

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When a secret mission from the Vulcan High Command brings another of T’Pol’s past lives into focus, Captain Archer acts like a petulant baby until she invites him along to help out. But once they find Menos on an icy moon, T’Pol’s pickle-brine memories test the developing trust between her and Archer. Where do Vulcans keep their information? What’s one thing everyone knows about seat belts? Which type of trivia is in short supply? It’s the episode that’s been harboring pickle resentment.

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When the Entrepreneur stops at a deuterium mining colony, the very stressed out miners don’t seem willing to sell. But when Trip offers to help with facility repairs, Archer insists on teaching a man how to murder his bullies. Which cartoon character definitely has bodies? What could these Klingons use more of? Why is T’Pol keeping her badass-ness under a basket? It’s the episode that establishes a slickback timeline.

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When Captain Archer brings Porthos on an important diplomatic mission, peeing on a sacred tree earns the Kreetassans another elaborate apology. But when the pathogen Porthos picked up turns him into a puppet, Dr. Phlox starts digging into the psychology of Archer’s hot-headed reactions. Does the actor who plays Porthos have a side hustle? Who is a roll-off danger in a biobed? What will make a comeback on iPad 17? It’s the episode that’s dead inside in different ways.

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When the Entrepreneur puts out a general distress call, what they get back are coordinates for a repair station nearby. But when they show up to find that nobody’s home, the price might seem too good to be true but the ship’s torpedos finally get to save the day. What’s the best way to mask the smell of fireworks? Where can you still find a Bunn coffee maker? Was it time to kill off Mayweather? It’s the episode that arrives pre-shaved!

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When the Entrepreneur wanders into an invisible minefield, a great big bomb blows open the ship before a second mine gets stuck to a sensitive part of the hull. But when Romulans arrive and start making threats, Reed’s near-death experience trying to diffuse the ordinance doesn’t bring him closer to the crew. What makes the A220 a great plane? Where is Reed’s hurt locker? Why do Starfleet spacesuits need a butt zipper? It’s the episode that has made up its mind about Reed.

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When Captain Archer and Commander Tucker ask T’Pol for a good dinner story, she tells them about the ancient Vulcans who crashed on Earth before first contact. But when her great-grandmother’s rescue doesn’t arrive for many months, one of the Vulcans learns to love the bomb while the others can’t wait to get off Sputnik-era Earth. What are the two things you can gamble with? Who was the original hawk tuah? Which modern invention is part of the texture of our reality now? It’s the episode that makes everyone feel like a lecherous creep.

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When Captain Archer and Agent Daniels are stuck in the future, they scrounge up the raw materials to communicate with the past. But with Suliban in control of the Entrepreneur, Commander Tucker hot wires everyone’s doorbells so that Hoshi can Die Hard through the vents to retake the ship. Which art project is dripping glue? What takes more technique than people give it credit for? Who should have voiced the last time on? It’s the episode with an auto-destruct-shaped hole in its heart.

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When the Entrepreneur arrives to make contact with a matriarchal culture, their careful shuttlepod approach results in blowing up the damn colony. But when the crew is in shock and can’t explain what happened, Daniels takes Captain Archer time traveling to prove their innocence with evidence from a cloaked Suliban ship. What needs to be added to the whiteboard at New Star Trek HQ? Which character is starting to give serial killer vibes? How should Archer break the news to the Paraagan home world? It’s the episode that makes a strong case for sex tourism.

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When an obviously rigged lottery decides who gets to go down to Risa, Captain Archer checks into his villa and starts peeping on an age-appropriate neighbor. But after Reed and Tucker’s encounter at the club leaves them stripped, hungover, and embarrassed, Hoshi’s aspirational vacation is the only one that ends without consequences. How is Risa like Europe? Where should Porthos have been for this story? What has Brode never promised? It’s the episode that’s always packing a swimsuit.

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When the Entrepreneur picks up a distress signal from Clancy Brown’s ship, they stop to help with repairs and he invites them to postpone their vacation again. But when Captain Archer’s reputation leads Trip to think they may have been honey-potted, the implications of taking sides in other peoples’ wars is something they finally start to consider. Why are new construction hives so much less desirable? What’s the problem with a tactical napkin deployment? Is there an advantage to wearing velvet robes in the desert? It’s the episode that’s just trying to avoid a My Girl situ...