Football Ramble

When it comes to Germany, we’re not neutrals. But despite the disappointing ending, we enjoyed the spectacle of their 2-1 victory over Ivory Coast.

Today, Marcus and Luke reflect on that, plus Spells (predictably) explains why Hervé Renard has improved Tunisia despite their panelling at the hands of Japan. Elsewhere, Curaçao get a famous point and the “naked” Guru’s prediction is looking a bit better after the Netherlands dispatched Graham “The Cowboy” Potter’s Sweden.

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Teams are going out? Already?! Here we were thinking there was a round of 48 after this, but Marcus, David and Jim get in the studio to react to Haiti and Turkey's exits. For the latter, it was in especially dismal, dare we say England-like fashion...

Elsewhere, did Scotland respect Morocco too much? The US and Mauricio Pochettino's hair continue to impress with another victory which seals their spot in the knockouts. And last but certainly not least, there's an urgent UK burger law clarification from two chefs. Don't say we don't educate you.

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Never fall asleep during a World Cup match, that was the lesson that Luke learnt last night. We need to thank Switzerland, Canada, Qatar and Bosnia for providing eleven goals and three red cards. The other teams need to take a look at themselves.

Join Marcus, Luke and Pete on today’s Ramble so you can lose your mind.

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England are up and running! And WHAT a second half against Croatia. Marcus, Luke, Pete and Jim cannot get enough of it.

Things we also can't get enough of: Harry Kane's big bonce, Jude Bellingham's goal, Anthony Barry's straight-talking half-time interview, and Pete trying to steal Marcus' debit card at the Ramble Watch Party.

Plus, the good Doctor Congo delivers against Portugal! But what on earth was Cristiano Ronaldo doing on the pitch for all 90 minutes?

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The wait is nearly over, England are in action tonight! Who else would you rather spend the pre-match time with than Marcus and Jim?

The lads are here to preview England’s revenge mission against Croatia. What’s more, they are excited about the potential of this squad. Who would have thought? Hop on the England bus now and get us in your ears.

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Well, it's fair to say Lionel Messi has still got it. A hat-trick on his return to the world stage. Should we really be surprised?

Marcus, Jim & David are here to revel in his sheer brilliance as he nicks another of Cristiano Ronaldo's records. HAHAHA. Plus, FIFA threaten legal action against a Canadian weed shop and an important update on a fishy Kevin Keegan rug.

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We’ve had our first big slip of the World Cup! Today, Pete, Luke and Jim celebrate Cape Verde earning an impressive point against Spain (and a few Instagram followers at the same time).

Elsewhere, is Romelu Lukaku Belgium’s only hope after they drew with Egypt? And was Iran 2-2 New Zealand a good or bad game? Plus, Pete leaves some very important luggage on a train…

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Messrs Speller, Campbell and Moore are back with more dynamic World Cup dispatches. Last night, Germany poured a metric boatload of salt all over those little Curaçao slugs and cast shuddering doubts over this expanded tournament format – then again, Curacao scored, so 48 teams maybe good?

Elsewhere: weird decisions from Ronald Koeman handed unsurprising package Japan a draw, the Rocky Curse strikes again and we saw a rare Muted International Celebration™ in a dominant Sweden win.

Plus, we learn more vital info about the Mexican duck - and Marcus has decided its culinary-related fate...

Stevey Clarke's Scots are up and running at the World Cup! John McGinn with the goal that clinched the win. Definitely worth the 90 minutes of sleep, eh Jim?

Pete, Jim & Vish (with the assistance of a few cans of Carabao) pulled all-nighters and were richly rewarded by some cracking football. Plus, Guy Mowbray unzips Brazil & Pete re-ignites a very confusing feud with Tim Cahill.

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We've had our first gubbing of the World Cup! And from the 'main hosts' USA against Paraguay! Marcus, Luke and Vish react to a historic day for both the US and Canada after Jesse Marsch's men drew with Bosnia and Herzegovina – all enhanced by Michael Bublé, of course.

Elsewhere, England get robbed in Kansas City and move their training next to a notorious dogging site, while Scotland fans are already making their mark in Boston. Plus, who would you rather literally be in the trenches with: Jason Cundy or Jamie O'Hara?

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Three red cards, five goals across two matches, and a goose wearing a Mexico shirt. Ladies and gents, we've got our World Cup back.

Marcus, Pete & Vish discuss the opening games of the tournament, preceded by a bizarre collaboration between Andrea Bocelli and K-Pop Demon Hunters singer Ejae. Plus, Vish is baffled by the very concept of an axolotl, Marcus still gets his TVs from Comet, and "big swinging” Dick Advocaat gets his boys onboard a cranky school bus.

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Hang up your wall chart, the World Cup is here! Marcus, Luke and Jim are giddy for it all to begin.

Today, we look ahead to tonight’s huge opener featuring Mexico, South Africa and Shakira. It’s a classic line-up. Plus, England give us reason to be a bit more excited, partly thanks to our midfield centipede.

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It's World Cup Eve! Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete fill their tournament stockings with predictions, ranging from well-reasoned guesses to complete punts into the international football void. But Marcus has listened to his heart for one crucial category...

Elsewhere, Luke goes big (too big) for his Surprise Package, Jim brings terrible luck on us all, and Pete's notable mad s*** means he'll have to take a trip to Mexico to verify the identity of a dog. Join us!

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Just two more sleeps until the World Cup is back in town! If you've not been infected by the World Cup fever yet, don't fret. We've got the pathogen for you, ladies and gents.

Marcus, Luke, Jim & Pete are here to preview the tournament, with plenty of chat on the host nations, the favourites, and of course the minnows. Plus, the German sax guy is back, Romário continues to fancy himself a bit too much, and we start the campaign for the return of Colombia's 'Birdman'.

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's finally here. The actual World Cup is this bloomin' week! Has anyone checked on Marcus' aunt?

He's back in the hot seat, flanked by Luke and Jim to discuss whether England's warm-up game against New Zealand actually happened. Plus, should Captain Tom have been represented during Paraguay's send-off fireworks display? And Florentino Pérez's reign of terror at Real Madrid continues... while José Mourinho's has just begun.

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They all thought it was over after last week's My Biddy Aunt final. They were wrong. The Luke Nation, the Ehantharajah Empire, and Spelgium will cross swords once more to see who will claim the humungous Jack's Encyclopaedia trophy and the belt to go with it.

Jim's on the buttons for this finale, and this time it really is winner takes all.

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Reports of World Cup fever have grown exponentially since Tommy Tuchel and his brave boys landed down in the US this week. The World Cup is just days away and we're bloomin' well ready for it.

Luke's Ramble coup d'état continues as he refuses to leave the comfy chair. Jim and David join him to take a look at England and Scotland's pre-tournament friendlies in the States. Plus, Grant Hanley's back shaving pal, Japanese cowboy hats, and Rio Ferdinand's marriage-saving spare toilets.

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With the fever now airborne within the Kingdom, Luke and Jim jumped on YouTube for another Lions Watch livestream ahead of the World Cup starting NEXT WEEK. YOU WHAT?!

On today’s agenda: should England say they’re expecting to win it all? Are we actually a bit short on the right-hand side? And what in-flight meal is going to stoke the fires of Englishness within the squad: pie 'n’ mash or fish and chips?

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It's all change on the Premier League managerial front this week. Out with the old (and bald), and in with the new (no balds, sadly). Andoni Iraola is off to Liverpool, Crystal Palace have started talks with the magnificently named Pierre Sage, and Marco Silva jets off to take the Benfica hot seat. No Marcus today, now you know why.

Luke takes the reins and is joined by Jim and David to discuss the post-season musical chairs. There's also Tonda Eckert's rather uncomfortable apology and a de facto referendum on José Mourinho.

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It’s official: Anthony Gordon has activated his Spring in Your World Cup Step™ by officially joining Barcelona. He even spoke admirable Spanish at the press conference! Presumably he knows the Spanish for A LITTLE DISLOYAL RAT.

Marcus, Luke, Jim and Vish wish Gordon farewell and also celebrate James Milner’s remarkable career after he announced his retirement. Plus, the gigachads at Real Madrid look to have done the unthinkable: José Mourinho is set to become their next manager.

I’ll say that again, in the year of our lord 2026: José Mourinho looks set to man...

With that, the 25/26 domestic season is over. However, before you get gripped by World Cup fever, Marcus, Luke, Jim and Vish have the small matter of the Champions League final to mull over.

We credit Arsenal for taking PSG to the brink. Luke has less time for stuttered penalties - not in a World Cup year. Plus, we discuss the somewhat confusing legacy of Arne Slot after it was announced that he is leaving Liverpool.

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The swords have been drawn. The cannons are loaded. It all comes down to this.

What we do in the My Biddy Aunt finale will echo into eternity. It’s the Luke Nation versus the Ehantharajah Empire for the final time this season, to see who will take the crown. Marcus has the whistle for this deciding bout.

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What's that rumbling noise I can hear? Ah, yes. The unmistakeable sound of Jim Campbell trembling in his boots at the very thought of Khvicha Kvaratskhelia charging at the Arsenal defence. Oh, wait. No it isn't. That's just the sound of Pete's stomach screaming as he attempts to drink jellied meerkats from a glass.

They both join Marcus to preview Arsenal's date with destiny. Is a PSG win really as inevitable as we all think? Plus, Steve Clarke's reign as Scotland manager is extended, and FIFA cover up an mural in Dallas reminding the public about...

Oh, what’s that, Rayo Vallecano? A romantic, scarcely believable journey to a final of a European competition– WELL GET SOME PREMIER LEAGUE RICHES AROUND YA CHOPS, YOU SLUGS.

Marcus and Luke celebrate a joyous Conference League trophy for Crystal Palace that caps off Oliver Glasner’s remarkable tenure. Plus, Anthony Gordon’s off on a European gap year and a listener brings us a long-overdue Australian speed skating update.

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The curse of the Ramble strikes again! There we were, chatting away about whether West Ham should stick with Nuno Espírito Santo or bin him off after relegation, and then bang! He's staying. The grotmeister general has made his choice, but is it the right one?

Marcus, Luke, Pete and Vish are here to react to that bombshell news. Plus, Portland Timbers give Fizzer the mutually consented chop and Palace have a date with destiny. Who better to send them on their merry way than Roy 'the boy' Hodgson. Talons crossed they can bring home t...

Finished prophets, no ball knowledge etc etc 🤡 🤡 🤡

Marcus, Jim and Luke react to our pre-season predictions. And it doesn't make for pretty listening, apart from for one man hailing from the Surrey area. Join us!

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Marcus, Luke and Jim are here to praise celebrated post-grunge band Creed with a full– no, wait, sorry. Wrong show. Premier League stuff, right?

Yes, the curtain has fallen on another topsy-turvy season, so let’s talk about it. Spurs manage to scramble out of the absurd position they got themselves into, which meant West Ham were relegated. We react to this truly damning, damning state of affairs for Sullivan n’ co.

Plus: Aston Villa beat Man City while actually hungover, Sunderland & Bournemouth cap off their incredible seasons and Mo Salah calls time on i...

Just as the gladiators fought in a preliminary bout before they entered combat, Spelgium is squaring off against the Luke Nation for the penultimate time to see who's better prepared for the Jack’s Encyclopaedia finale.

Jim's on the buttons for this battle, and what a battle it is.

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Well, here we are then... Thomas Tuchel has announced his England squad for the World Cup this summer and people have some OPINIONS.

Marcus, Vish and Jim jumped straight on YouTube after the squad was revealed to answer your questions and give their takes on some controversial selections. But not before Marcus holds a candlelit vigil for Harry Maguire's international career...

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We made it, ladies and gents. It's the final Premier League gameweek of the season! And my goodness, there's some juicy stuff to play for. Relegation will be decided on the final day. West Ham will be there, Spurs will be there, but Cristian Romero won't be. He's jetted back to Argentina for the weekend. Cristian mate, it's 30°C in the Kingdom this weekend.

Marcus, Jim, Vish & Pete preview the Premier League fixtures for one final time this season. Plus, Arsenal prep for the trophy lift at Selhurst Park and Marcus waves goodbye to Marco Silva.

Unai Emery has done it again and Aston Villa are Europa League champions! Let's be honest, Freiburg weren't much of a challenge but take nothing away from what has been an incredible season for Prince Billy's boys.

Luke and Vish join Pete to give Villa their deserved flowers. Plus, Luke tells us why he enjoys a social dog and Pete threatens to dress up as a free-kick mannequin.

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My giddy aunt. Arsenal have done it! And Southampton, they've... undone it? You'll struggle to find a man in the Kingdom more ecstatic than Jim Campbell this morning, but somehow we found one. Luke Moore is on the verge of self-combustion.

They're both joined by Marcus to celebrate Arsenal's title win, and of course debrief on the simply sensational news that Southampton have been booted out of the play-offs. Plus, Spurs can't dig themselves out of trouble, and Unai Emery eyes up a fifth Europa League title. It really doesn't get any better than this.

Well, there we have it ladies and gents. Ten in-cre-di-ble years of Pep Guardiola at Manchester City are finally coming to an end. In Pep's very own words, 'we cannot replace him'.

Marcus and Luke are here to celebrate a decade of Pep at City, and look ahead to the appointment of Enzo Maresca at the Etihad. Plus, Arsenal edge Burnley in what was not an enthralling watch, and the Battle of the Bridge returns tonight!

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It was another exhilarating weekend, as trophies were won up and down the country. In England, Man City took another step towards the d**khead double after winning the FA Cup.

Elsewhere, Celtic earned a “fairytale” 14th Scottish league title in 15 years. Has anyone seen Wilfried Nancy’s medal? Plus, West Ham edged closer to relegation. Come join Marcus, Luke and Pete for all that fun, we’ve saved you a seat.

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This is the latest episode in our 'Game's Gone' series, which is exclusively available to listen to on Amazon Music. To listen to all the other episodes in this series, just find the Football Ramble on Amazon Music!

Ahead of another World Cup summer, join Marcus, Jim and Vish for the first of three episodes celebrating some absolute gems from tournaments gone by. First up, we've selected three of the most outrageous World Cup matches we've ever seen: from the greatest final ever to a pulsating 1998 quarter-final defined by a moment of individual brilliance. And, look...

The Luke Nation seldom backs away from a fight, and with the My Biddy Aunt grand finale only weeks away, we've let Spelgium 'ave at it in a league fixture of the highest order.

Who will put themselves in pole position heading into the final day? There's only one way to find out.

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It's FA Cup final weekend everybody! Calum McFarlane will be marching his boys down Wembley Way on Saturday hoping to pick up a trophy in just his sixth game in charge. Good job Pep Guardiola has only managed a thousand across nearly two decades.

Marcus, Luke & Jim are here to debate who's going to get their hands on the cup. Plus, Luke is delighted as Spygate 2.0 continues to gather speed, and West London's James Corden throws his hat in the ring to become new West Ham chairman.

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My giddy aunt, we’re being treated to some wonderful title races on the Island of Britain this season. Today, Marcus and Jim start in Scotland, where a controversial handball set up a thigh-rubbing title decider this weekend. Even Gary Lineker and Jeff Stelling were outraged.

Back in England, it was a perfect night for Man City at the Etihad. Plus, now Andoni Iraola is leaving Bournemouth, should he return to… erm, Bournemouth?

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David Ornstein and NASA, are they the last bastions of normality as we head towards the failure of modern society? And why are we asking? Well, one reason is because FIFA are selling tickets to stand in the car park outside the World Cup final for $16,000.

Marcus, Jim and David try to get their heads around that on today’s show. And if that’s not enough, we also discuss José Mourinho’s likely return to Real Madrid, Florentino Pérez’s remarkable press conference and the news that Southampton could be kicked out of the play-offs…...

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Spurs 1-1 Leeds. Marcus and Vish reacted live to an eventful encounter at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Plus, Vish explains why he is now backing Spurs for Premier League survival.

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