People Soup

On ambition, performance and remembering we're human.

At work, we're encouraged to improve performance, achieve more and keep pushing towards our goals. But what happens when the pursuit of performance starts to crowd out the things that make life worthwhile?

In this short solo reflection, I draw on recent conversations with Dr Amanda Super, Chris Rodgers-Wilson and Dr Joanne Gray to explore ambition, self-criticism, professional identity and the organisational pressures that can get in the way of doing our best work.

The argument isn't that we should lower our ambitions or simply do...

Perfectionism isn't always just about the standards we set ourselves.

In this Quick Spoon, Chris Rodgers-Wilson introduces a useful way of understanding perfectionism, drawing on the multidimensional model developed by Hewitt and Flett.

He explores three sources of pressure:

These pressures can become tangled up, particularly in work where there's no single agreed definition of excellence.

So here's a question worth asking when you find yourself...

When we think about moving on, we often assume something has gone wrong. Perhaps we're unhappy, we've failed, or we've reached the point where we simply can't carry on.

But what if it's different?

In this Quick Spoon, former professional ballet dancer Chris Rodgers-Wilson reflects on a moment when he realised that performing Romeo might be the peak of what he wanted to achieve in his dancing career. It wasn't a carefully planned decision, it was a quiet moment of recognition: he'd been fortunate, he'd achieved something meaningful, and he felt ready to start thinking...

We tend to focus on the big moment: the presentation, the difficult conversation, the important decision or the final result.

But how we show up in those moments is shaped by what we do repeatedly beforehand.

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Chris Rodgers-Wilson offers a thoughtful perspective on the relationship between practice and performance. He suggests that high performance isn't simply about achieving a big result. It's about the daily commitment to practice and taking steps towards the way we want to show up to challenges.

I pick up on an important...

What happens when someone is struggling on the inside but still managing to show up and do their job?

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Chris Rodgers-Wilson reflects on a period of profound grief when, despite feeling broken inside, he continued to perform as a professional ballet dancer.

What helped him through wasn't simply his own preparation and experience. It was also the trust, connection and shared energy of the people around him.

Chris's experience got me thinking about something important in working life. We can assume that if someone is delivering, they're...

What happens when you work hard towards something and don't get the outcome you hoped for?

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Chris Rodgers-Wilson reflects on the experience of watching others get opportunities you'd have liked yourself. It's something that can happen at any level, and it's easy to start measuring yourself against other people's success.

I pick up on an important point from Chris: outcomes depend on lots of factors, and not all of them are within our control. Yet when we don't get the role, promotion or recognition we wanted, it's easy to...

What happens when the work that has shaped your identity begins to change? How do you keep hold of a sense of self in a world built around performance, comparison and high expectations? And how do we support each other when life brings experiences that are difficult to talk about at work?

In this episode of People Soup, I'm joined by Chris Rodgers-Wilson, who spent much of his working life as a professional ballet dancer, performing with Birmingham Royal Ballet and The Australian Ballet. These days, his work brings together psychology, coaching and supporting dancers as they...

When we're under pressure, it's easy to get pulled towards whatever feels easiest or most attractive right now.

Put off the difficult conversation. Take the path of least resistance. Go for the quick win.

But what if our values could help us see beyond what's tempting us in the moment?

In this Quick Spoon, I share a short exchange with Dr Ryan Kemp about the importance of values — both in addiction recovery and in the workplace.

Ryan highlights the role values can play, and I reflect on how they can give us...

Can people be honest with you when things aren't going well?

In this Quick Spoon, Dr Ryan Kemp reflects on why honest conversations about addiction depend on having an established, trusting relationship. He makes a point that applies just as much to managers as it does to professionals working with people experiencing addiction.

If a relationship is built around fear and compliance, how likely is someone to admit that they're struggling?

And this isn't about lowering expectations or avoiding difficult conversations. It's about creating the conditions in which people can speak honestly, even...

At work, are we always rewarding what really matters?

In this Quick Spoon, Dr Ryan Kemp talks about the different forms of reward we experience at work, pay, bonuses, praise, recognition and positive feedback and asks what happens when we derive that pleasure too quickly.

It got me thinking about the pull of the quick win: getting something done, receiving the praise, solving the immediate problem or choosing the option that gives us the quickest sense of satisfaction.

Sometimes that's exactly what we need.

But sometimes the thing that feels most...

What happens when the immediate becomes more important than the longer term?

In Part One of my conversation with Dr Ryan Kemp, we explored how addiction can compress a person's experience of time — making the immediate reward feel much more compelling than what might matter further into the future.

In this second part, we take that idea into the workplace and the wider culture around us.

Ryan and I talk about the impact of addiction at work, the way drinking can become normalised, and how organisational cultures can reinforce short-term thinking and behaviour.

Sometimes the things we reach for to make ourselves feel better can also stop us from finding out what's really going on.

In this Quick Spoon, I reflect on an observation from Dr Ryan Kemp about our culture's focus on the immediate — "now, do it, enjoy it, live for the moment."

That got me thinking about what we do when we've had a difficult experience.

We feel stressed, so we distract ourselves.

We feel frustrated, so we vent.

We feel uncomfortable, so we do something that takes the edge of...

We all tell stories to make sense of our experiences.

And almost immediately, we can have a story about what's going on:

"They're being difficult."

"They don't appreciate me."

"They've got it in for me."

In this Quick Spoon, Dr Ryan Kemp talks about how we can construct stories about other people when we've had a negative experience — and how it can sometimes take a little longer to co...

Sometimes, when something feels difficult, uncomfortable or overwhelming, our instinct is to make the feeling go away.

We distract ourselves.

We work.

We scroll.

We reach for something that changes how we feel.

In this Quick Spoon, Dr Ryan Kemp talks about this in the context of addiction — and about what happens when we aren't willing to stay with an uncomfortable experience for long enough to understand it.

I'm not suggesting that these everyday behaviours are necessarily addictions.

But Ryan's perspective raises an interesting question fo...

What's driving the choices we make at work?

In my conversation with Dr Ryan Kemp, we were talking about addiction and how a person's experience of time can become compressed around the immediate.

Ryan described part of his therapeutic role as helping people with addictions to expand that time horizon — to consider not just the immediate consequences of their actions, but the medium- and longer-term implications.

That got me thinking about something I see quite often in my own work: the path of least resistance.

We avoid the difficult conversation.

...

How often do we get pulled towards what's going to give us relief or reward right now?

In this Quick Spoon, Dr Ryan Kemp describes how addiction can change someone's experience of time, so that the immediate becomes much more important than what might happen in the future.

I'm not suggesting that ordinary human behaviour is the same as addiction. But Ryan's insight got me thinking about something we can all recognise: the difficult conversation we put off, the easier option we choose, or the short-term reward that gets in the way of something that...

What can addiction teach us about being human?

In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Ryan Kemp, a clinical psychologist and Director of Therapies at a large NHS Trust. Ryan is also an author and Honorary Professor of Clinical Practice at Brunel, University of London.

Ryan has worked in the field of addiction for more than 20 years. When he was last on People Soup, we talked about his journey into psychology and some of the pivotal moments in his career. This time, I wanted to understand something I'd never really explored with him: why addiction...

We often think about recovery as something we do after the productive work is finished.

But when is the work ever really finished?

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Dr Amanda Super challenges that assumption:

“Recovery is productive.”

Amanda suggests that self-compassion isn't just something we think about — we need to act on it. And that can include taking care of some of the basics of our physical wellbeing and building opportunities for recovery into the working day.

Ross explores what that might look like in practice.

Recove...

Being kind to yourself doesn't mean lowering your standards.

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Dr Amanda Super challenges the idea that self-compassion and ambition are somehow incompatible.

Amanda shares what she learned from comparing her experience of her Master's degree with her doctorate ten years later, after developing self-compassion.

She was still ambitious. Still driven. Still wanting to achieve.

But she wasn't doing it at the cost of herself.

So perhaps the question isn't whether we should be ambitious or self-compassionate.

Perhaps we can be kind...

When something difficult happens, we can move very quickly from what's happened to what we're going to do about it.

And suddenly we're going from 0 to 100 in nanoseconds.

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Dr Amanda Super offers a remarkably simple question:

“What do I need right now?”

Ross explores what might happen if we create a little space before we react.

The answer might be:

We often think of boundaries as something we put in place to manage other people's demands.

But what if a boundary is actually an act of compassion towards ourselves?

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Dr Amanda Super describes boundary setting as a “radical act of self-compassion”.

She talks about including ourselves in our own circle of compassion, rather than trying to be all things to all people and paying the price ourselves.

Ross also brings in the idea of fierce self-compassion: sometimes compassion isn't about being softer. Sometimes it's about bein...

When something goes wrong, it's easy to add another layer of difficulty by being hard on ourselves.

What's wrong with me?

I should be able to handle this.

Why can't I cope?

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Dr Amanda Super recalls a nurse telling her:

That comment helped Amanda discover self-compassion — and it got me thinking about how differently we sometimes speak to ourselves compared with the way we'd speak to someone we care about.

So here's something to try:

I...

What if being kinder to yourself doesn't make you less ambitious — but helps you work, recover and live more sustainably?

In this episode of People Soup, I talk to Dr Amanda Super, an occupational and coaching psychologist, author and founder of Creating Compassion. Amanda specialises in self-compassion and compassionate leadership, working with organisations across the public, private and not-for-profit sectors.

Amanda's own journey into this work is fascinating.

At 19, she had flunked her A-levels and was struggling with her confidence. Psychological support helped change the trajectory of her life. Years later, when she be...

I'm taking a short break from People Soup during August.

Before I do, I'd like to leave you with one final invitation.

Give yourself permission to stop.

Not forever.

Perhaps for ten minutes.

An afternoon.

Or even a few weeks.

In this final People Soup Quick Spoon before the summer break, Ross McIntosh reflects on what happens when we pause—and what we might notice if we resist the urge to keep going.

Here's something to try

Give yourself permission to st...

If your holiday had a soundtrack, what would it be?

Music has an extraordinary ability to transport us back to particular moments in our lives.

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Ross invites you to use that deliberately: choose one song that represents not simply where you're going, but how you'd like to be while you're there.

Curious? Present? Connected?

Here's something to try

Choose one song and play it each morning during your holiday.

Then, months later, when you hear it by chance, pause for a...

Have you ever unpacked your suitcase and, within three days, felt as though you'd never been away?

Recovery isn't simply about taking time away from work. What we do with that time matters too.

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Ross invites you to think about what you might bring home from your holiday—other than souvenirs and dirty washing.

Perhaps it's reading for ten minutes.

Walking after dinner.

Leaving your phone in another room.

Here's something to try

Before your holiday ends, ask yourself:

We can spend ages planning a holiday.

Where we'll go. What we'll eat. What we'll see.

But perhaps there's another question worth asking:

Who do I want people to experience on this holiday?

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Ross McIntosh invites you to shift the focus from what you want to do to how you want to show up.

Patient? Curious? Playful? Present?

Here's something to try

Before your next break, choose three words that describe how you'd really like to show up.

This holiday, don't just photograph where you went.

Photograph what you noticed.

In this People Soup Quick Spoon, Ross McIntosh explores how taking one intentional photograph each day can become an exercise in awareness rather than documentation.

Instead of collecting pictures of famous landmarks, collect moments of attention—those small details you would probably have walked past if you'd stayed on autopilot.

Here's something to try

Each day, take one photograph of something you only noticed because you slowed down.

When you get home, don't ask:

...

One of Ross's favourite places to visit on holiday isn't a famous landmark...

It's the local supermarket.

Why?

Because holidays have a wonderful way of awakening our curiosity.

In this Quick Spoon, Ross explores the idea of beginner's mind - approaching ordinary places as if you're seeing them for the very first time—and why curiosity helps us become more present.

Here's something to try

On your next holiday, visit somewhere completely ordinary—a supermarket, a café or simply a street you've never walked before.

Then...

Have you ever arrived on holiday, only to find your mind is still back at work?

In this Quick Spoon, Ross explores psychological detachment - one of the key ingredients of effective recovery. It's not just about leaving work physically; it's about leaving it mentally too.

Ross shares one simple ritual to help you make the transition into your holiday with a little more intention.

Here's something to try

Before you finish work:

What if your next holiday wasn't simply time away from work — but an opportunity to reconnect with what matters?

In this solo episode, Ross explores why recovery is much more than rest. Drawing on behavioural science, the Job Demands-Resources Model and research into leisure time recovery, he shares a fresh perspective on why holidays can help us rebuild one of our most important leadership capacities: our psychological flexibility.

Ross introduces the holiday matrix—a simple coaching tool to help you recover with intention rather than drift through your break on autopilot.

Whether you're trav...

Most of us have a way of managing our time.

A diary.

A calendar.

A to-do list.

But how often do we give the same attention to our energy?

In this Quick Spoon, chartered coaching psychologist Dr Rose Aghdami shares a simple but powerful idea: if we think of energy as a limited resource, perhaps it deserves managing just as carefully as our time.

This Quick Spoon is taken from my full conversation with Dr Rose Aghdami, author of How to FUEL Your Resilience.

If...

Sometimes the signs that we're running low on resilience aren't dramatic.

But underneath, something feels different.

In this Quick Spoon, chartered coaching psychologist Dr Rose Aghdami shares some of the subtle warning signs that we might be running on empty, and invites us to ask a simple but powerful question:

Am I thriving, or am I simply surviving?

This Quick Spoon is taken from my full conversation with Dr Rose Aghdami, author of How to FUEL...

Sometimes the questions that shape our careers don't come from research papers or textbooks.

They come from the people we meet.

In this Quick Spoon, chartered coaching psychologist Dr Rose Aghdami shares the client conversation that transformed the direction of her work.

After hearing a client ask, "So you mean work can make you ill?", Rose found herself asking another question:

If work can contribute to poor mental health, could it also become a place where people thrive?

This Quick Spoon is taken from my full conversation with Dr...

What does resilience really mean?

For many of us, the word has become associated with pushing through, staying strong and simply carrying on, whatever life throws at us.

In this Quick Spoon, chartered coaching psychologist Dr Rose Aghdami offers a different perspective.

Rather than seeing resilience as suppressing difficult emotions, Rose suggests that resilience starts with acknowledging them. Feeling worried, overwhelmed or vulnerable doesn't mean you've failed—it means you're human.

This Quick Spoon is taken from my full conversation with Dr Rose Aghdami, author of How to FUEL Your Resilience.

What does resilience really mean?

For many people, the word has become associated with simply pushing through, coping no matter what, or carrying on regardless. But what if resilience isn't about becoming tougher at all?

In this episode I'm joined by chartered coaching psychologist Dr Rose Aghdami, author of How to FUEL Your Resilience.

Together we explore why resilience has developed such a mixed reputation at work, how one conversation with a client changed the direction of Rose's career, and why staying human might be the most resilient thing we can do.

We often assume that if we're not taking action, the problem must be motivation.

But what if there's more to it than that?

In this Quick Spoon, Ross reflects on a practical framework shared by organisational psychologist Dr Joe Gray, based on the work of Professor Sharon Parker.

Before judging ourselves for not following through, Joe suggests asking three simple questions:

Together, they offer a more compassionate and practical way...

What does it really mean to be proactive?

In this Quick Spoon, Ross reflects on a key insight from his conversation with business psychologist and author, Dr Joanne Gray.

Many organisations say they want proactive employees, but we often confuse proactivity with simply being helpful or saying yes to every request.

Jo explains that real proactivity is different. It's about spotting opportunities to improve things, taking initiative, and creating positive change before someone asks you to.

Ross explores the difference between reacting to what's already happening and making space to shape...

Sometimes the people closest to us can see things we've become blind to.

In this Quick Spoon, Ross reflects on a powerful moment from his conversation with organisational psychologist Dr Joanne Gray.

After years in a demanding corporate role, Joe made the decision to leave. When she shared the news with her Dad, his response was immediate:

"Thank God for that."

Those four words revealed something important. While Joe had been pushing on, those closest to her had already noticed the impact that work was having on her wellbeing.

...

What happens when your body starts telling you something you don't want to hear?

In this Quick Spoon, Ross reflects on a moment from his conversation with business psychologist, consultant and author, Dr Joe Gray.

While working in a demanding corporate role, Jo began experiencing a persistent "flicky eye". What seemed like a minor irritation turned out to be a sign that something deeper was going on.

It's a reminder that warning signs don't always arrive as a crisis. Sometimes they show up as tension, disrupted sleep, irritability, or a feeling of being...