More Human. More Kind. | Parenting LGBTQ Kids, Unlearning Fear, Becoming More Human
"Mom, I think I might be_____." Whether that sentence ended in gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, or something they're still figuring out — you are in the right place. Maybe you're scared. Maybe you're grieving something you can't quite name yet. Maybe you're desperate to get this right and terrified that you've already gotten it wrong. This show is for you, exactly where you are right now. More Human. More Kind. is hosted by Heather Hester, author of Parenting with Pride and a fierce advocate for LGBTQ kids, their parents, and the people who love them. Each week Heather brings lived ex...
Activism Fatigue: Five Ways Parents of LGBTQ Kids Can Rest and Keep Showing Up
Is that bone-deep exhaustion you’re feeling activism fatigue, and what do you do about it a week before the election?
If you’ve spent this month learning, donating, volunteering, and having hard conversations at your dinner table, you may be running on empty. Heather names activism fatigue out loud, shares the moments she has asked herself what the point is, and draws on research from long-haul activists. She offers five practices that keep advocates going for years instead of months.
In this episode you’ll learn how to:
Understand why this exhaustion is normal..."You Won’t Lose Your Phone for Telling Me" What to Say to Your LGBTQ Child About Online Hate
What if one kind comment could do for your child what one cruel comment does against them?
This is the butterfly effect episode for Tuesday’s episode on online hate. Heather turns that conversation into four small actions you can start right now. She also reads this week’s listener review and shares why the mob mentality can work in both directions.
In this episode you’ll learn how to:
Hold onto one word that reframes the antidote to online crueltyAsk your child to show you one funny thing from their feed, with no lesson...Six Ways to Protect Your LGBTQ Teen From Online Hate Without Taking Their Phone
Give yourself the gift of empowerment
What do you do when you can’t stop your LGBTQ child from seeing online hate, and you shouldn’t try?
Online cruelty and dehumanization get louder in the weeks before an election, and our kids are in the middle of it. Heather explains what’s driving the harshness in their feeds, including who is paying for some of it. She walks through six ways to build resilience without surveillance or confiscating phones.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to:
Understand why your child’s feed is li...America Belongs to You: Four Small Actions for Parents of LGBTQ Kids Before November
How do you stay hopeful and engaged when the news makes everything feel hopeless? What if the answer is smaller than you think?
This is the butterfly effect episode for Tuesday’s episode on the load-bearing walls of democracy. Heather offers one word, one 15-minute action, one urge to resist, and one line for the next time someone says they’re just not political. Her reminder is that those walls aren’t made of granite. They’re made of people, and that includes you.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to:
Use one word to ch...What's at Stake This Midterm Cycle? What Parents and Allies of LGBTQ Kids Need to Know
What does our democracy actually rest on, and which of those supports are being weakened right now?
With less than a month to go before the midterms, Heather breaks down four load-bearing walls of American democracy, a decade of wins and losses for LGBTQ families, and where your dollars and time can make the biggest difference this November, wherever you live.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Recognize the specific ways free elections, checks and balances, and the rule of law are being tested right nowTrack the decade of LGBTQ rights rulings from...What to Say When Your Kid Asks How You're Voting: Four Small Actions This Week
What do you actually say when your kid asks how you're voting?
This is the Friday companion to Tuesday's episode on political approval-seeking. Heather makes that thought experiment small enough to carry through the week: one word, one two-minute action, one urge to resist at the table, and one line to say to your kid that could change how safe they feel.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Reframe "hovering" as motion, not failure to decideCheck your voter registration and claim your vote out loudResist the urge to lecture or correct at the...Are Your Politics More Important Than Your Child? One Question to Ask Before You Vote
Find the right level of support for you!
Is your vote reflecting your own values, or someone else's approval?
This is the first episode in a month-long series leading up to the midterms. Heather shares the moment her daughter, in tears, asked her not to vote for Trump again, and what that moment forced her to confront about whose approval her politics had actually been seeking. She offers a thought experiment built around three questions to sit with privately this week.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Ask whether your vote...One Simple Action to Support Your LGBTQ Loved One Today
What's one thing you can do today to support your LGBTQ loved one through coming out?
This is the Friday Butterfly Effect episode for Tuesday's Coming Out Action Guide episode. Heather offers one word, one tiny action, one micro rebellion, and one line to steal, all built around a single finding: the biggest factor in a young person's coming out journey isn't having the right words. It's having one steady, accepting adult in their life.
In this episode you'll learn how to:
Replace a pointed question with one open, reassuring sentence when your loved...What to Actually Do at Every Stage of Coming Out: A Parent's Action Guide
Find guides, tools, resources, and more!
You know the six stages your teen moves through when they come out, and the six stages you move through as their parent. But what do you actually do at each one?
This episode was inspired by listener feedback asking for more concrete next steps. Heather walks through a specific action for every single stage on both sides, your teen's process and your own, so you have real moves to make instead of just the ability to name where you are.
In this episode you'll learn how...
Presence, Not Fixing: Four Small Actions for Your LGBTQ Kid's Dating Life
What do you actually say when your kid is hurting, and how do you know something's wrong before they tell you?
This is the Friday follow-up to Tuesday's episode on queer dating and breakups. Heather offers four small actions split between the before-it-happens world of prevention and awareness and the it's-already-happening world of simply showing up. The facts equip you, but they aren't what your kid actually needs from you in the moment.
In this episode you'll learn how to:
Open the door to a relationship conversation by asking how it feels instead of...Your Queer Kid's Breakup Isn't Like Yours: What Parents Need to Know About Dating, Abuse, and Support
Do you know how to actually help your queer kid through a breakup, or are you using advice built for straight relationships?
Both of Heather's daughters went through breakups within a month of each other this year, and it revealed just how underprepared she was to support them the way she wanted to. This episode debunks the most common and most dangerous stereotypes about queer relationships, walks through documented research on same-sex relationship stressors and abuse, and gives you language to open the door with your kid without prying.
In this episode you'll learn how...
Four Tiny Actions That Will Support Your Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual Kid This Week
What does your gay son, lesbian daughter, or bisexual kid actually need from you this week?
This follows up on Tuesday's episode about the real differences between a son and daughter coming out. Heather offers four small, specific actions, one for each thread from that conversation, so nothing gets lost in the idea that "gay is gay." Small doesn't mean simple. It means paying attention to which questions this particular kid is actually asking.
In this episode you'll learn how to:
Normalize health information for a gay or bisexual son in the same matter-of-fact...Books Are Windows and Mirrors: Shari Becker on Writing Inclusive Kids' Books and Fighting Bans
SPECIAL EPISODE!
What actually happens when a book gets banned, and who pays the price for it?
Heather sits down with children's author and Whale Rock Workshops founder Sheri Becker to talk about why inclusive books matter for every kid on the shelf, not just the ones who see themselves in the story. Sheri pulls back the curtain on what it actually takes to write across difference, why publishers are quietly passing on great books before they're even banned, and what parents can do that actually moves the needle.
In this episode, you'll...
A Gay Son and a Lesbian Daughter Need Different Things From You: What Parents Get Wrong
"Gay is gay."Except it isn't. And if you're parenting both a son and a daughter through coming out, you may know that, but NOT know what to do.
A gay son and a lesbian daughter face different stereotypes, different safety realities, and different early questions about who they are. This episode names both directly.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Debunk the most common stereotypes attached to gay sons and lesbian daughtersUnderstand the orientation-specific safety facts every parent needs: HIV/PrEP awareness for sons, IPV and healthcare access for daughtersRecognize that your...Four Tiny Actions for Every Stage of Your Own Coming-Out Process
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by all of the information coming at you?
This week's Butterfly Effect gives you four tiny actions across four different points in your own process, from repairing a moment you regret to saying your pride out loud.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Use the specific repair language for a moment you wish you'd handled differentlyGet guilt out of your head and onto paper instead of letting it circle silentlyKnow what to do instead of arguing when you're stuck in conflictSay one sentence of advocacy out loud, even...The Six Stages Every Parent Goes Through When Their Kid Comes Out
Your teen isn't the only one going through a coming out process. You are too, and most parents skip past their own.
From shock to true acceptance, there are six distinct stages parents move through after a child comes out. Naming them makes the hardest parts- the guilt, the denial, the shame- survivable instead of silent.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Recognize which of the six stages you're in right now, from shock through true acceptanceWork through guilt and shame without carrying them for yearsMove toward genuine acceptance instead of just tolerance<...You Don't Need the Right Words: Coming Out Support in Four Small Moves
Tuesday's six stages aren't just something to understand — they're something to practice.
This week's Butterfly Effect gives you one small action for four different moments in your teen's coming out process, from staying present in silence to knowing exactly when to step back.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Practice being a "witness" instead of an investigator during the invisible early stageAsk the one question that takes pressure off your kid during the double-life stageRecognize when pulling back, not stepping in, is the most supportive thing you can doPress play fo...
Understanding Your Teen's Coming Out Process: Vital Support Info for Parents
Looking for support but not quite sure what type? We've got you covered!
Did you know that your teen may be going through the hardest, most private season of their life right now and showing you almost none of it?
Coming out isn't one conversation; it's a six-stage internal process your teen may move through for years before they ever say the words out loud. Understanding where they are helps you know how to show up — and when quiet isolation is more than a phase.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Re...A Reset for Parents of LGBTQ Kids Who Are Ready for the Quieter Work of Unlearning
The unlearning doesn't stop. It just gets quieter, and quieter isn't the same as finished.
This Butterfly Effect episode picks up Tuesday's quarterly check-in with one small practice: catching the reflex to label someone before you actually know anything true about them.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Notice the moment you want to label someone's gender or identity before you've been told anythingSit in uncertainty about someone's identity without reaching for a label to ease your own discomfortAsk yourself what you're still doing on autopilot that deserves a second look...
Unlearning Doesn't End It Just Gets Quieter: What Parents of LGBTQ Kids Need to Know
Let's connect on Substack!
Love is proven by what you're willing to unlearn. This is a check-in on that, for you and for me.
Year-one unlearning is loud: fear, shame, and often a full religious deconstruction, and impossible to miss. What comes after is quieter and easy to overlook entirely: the automatic reach for a label, a tidy category, before you actually know anything true about someone. This episode is an honest look at where allyship goes once the big, obvious work is behind you.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
...The Unperformed Version of You: For Parents of LGBTQ Kids Who Are Tired of Saying I'm Fine
Have you ever felt like the more put together you are on the outside, the more chaotic you feel on the inside?
This Butterfly Effect episode carries Tuesday's conversation about performance and honesty into one small, practical moment you can catch this week: the pause before you say "I'm fine" on autopilot.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Catch the moment you're about to perform "fine" instead of telling the truthSay one honest sentence this week that you'd normally edit outCheck in with yourself at the end of one day about the gap...What More Human Actually Means: Being Less Performed Changes Everything When Parenting LGBTQ Kids
Continue being more human on Substack!
What does being “more human” mean to you?
This episode is a personal one, tracing how performing "fine" for most of my life, learned as a survival mechanism, gave way to embracing the vulnerable, raw, and messy parts of who I actually am. It's a direct answer to the question at the center of this whole show, and an invitation for you to ask it of yourself.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Understand "more human" as more honest and less performed, not more polished or m...Stop Apologizing for Being a Mama Bear: A Reset for Parents of LGBTQ Kids Heading Into the School Year
Do you think of a threshold as a potential stumbling block or the place you stand before walking into something new or unknown?
This Butterfly Effect episode builds on Tuesday's conversation about the five back-to-school thresholds parents face, with a small practice to help you name yours out loud instead of carrying it silently into September.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Name your threshold to someone you trust instead of carrying it aloneReach out to one teacher or administrator before a problem starts, not afterSay your protective instinct out loud without apologizing...Five Back to School Thresholds Every Parent of an LGBTQ Kid Faces
Grab the Panic to Plan Guide
Join me on Substack
Every August, before a single backpack gets packed, there's a threshold parents like us cross. Not the kids. Us.
Interest: For parents of lgbtq teens, or kids who are neurodivergent, anxious, or otherwise vulnerable, back-to-school anxiety isn't extra worry stacked on top of normal parent worry. It's the baseline. This episode names five distinct versions of that threshold so you can walk in with your eyes open instead of just white-knuckling it.
Desire: In this episode you'll learn how to:
...The One Question Every Parent of an LGBTQ Emerging Adult Needs to Ask Before Offering Advice
The goal was never to be needed forever. The goal was kids who still choose to confide in you even after they don't have to.
This Butterfly Effect episode picks up right where Tuesday's conversation on parenting a queer teen versus a queer adult left off, with one small, doable practice for the week ahead. Allyship isn't just a big philosophy; it's built in tiny, repeatable moments like this one.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Practice becoming a confidant instead of a manager, one small moment at a timeAsk the one question...What Changes When Your LGBTQ Teen Becomes an Adult and Why the Letting Go Is Hard
Join me on Substack
There's a day every parent of a queer kid hits, and nobody warns you it's coming: the day you realize you don't get a vote anymore.
Parenting guidance for a queer teen looks nothing like parenting guidance for a queer adult, and almost nobody names the difference out loud. This episode walks through what actually changes, from gatekeeping their world to trusting them to build their own, and why that shift can feel like loss even when it's exactly what healthy allyship is supposed to look like.
In this...
The Threshold You Already Crossed This Summer: For Parents of LGBTQ Kids Heading Into August
Share The Panic to Plan Guide with someone!
The courage becomes an orientation. But first you have to cross the threshold. This is your final Friday reset of the summer, and it is a good one.
On Tuesday we talked about intentional kindness in LGBTQ+ allyship, the Threshold Moment, and the question that changes everything: what if it could also be fun? Today Heather closes out the summer with your Friday Butterfly Effect, a few small tools to carry the courage, the joy, and the intention of this season straight into August and beyond.
<...When Advocacy Gets Hard: How Parents of LGBTQ Kids Can Show Up Boldly and Find the Joy
Advocacy is serious. The stakes are real. And some days the weight of it is genuinely hard to carry. But what if showing up boldly for your LGBTQ+ kid could also hold something else? What if it could also be joyful? This is episode 300, and it is worth the wait.
In this milestone episode, Heather Hester introduces the Threshold Moment, the instant just on the other side of discomfort where courage becomes action, and shares two of her own most defining moments as an ally and advocate. She also offers a simple reframe that has the power...
What Comparison Cannot Touch: A Friday Reset for Parents of LGBTQ Kids
Grab your Panic to Plan Guide here!
Comparison does not know you. And it does not know your kid, your journey, or the specific kind of love you are doing. This week's reset is about returning to what cannot be measured or ranked or taken from you.
On Tuesday we talked about the comparison trap and the particular pain of measuring yourself against another parent and coming up feeling small. Today Heather brings it home with your Friday Butterfly Effect, a few small things to carry the truth of your own story into the weekend...
The Comparison Trap That Hits Parents of LGBTQ Kids Differently and How to Find Your Way Out
Get the Panic to Plan Guide here
There is a particular kind of pain that does not announce itself loudly. You see another parent who seems to have it figured out, who has been advocating longer, speaking more fluently, loving more visibly. And something in you goes small. You know that feeling. This episode is for that moment.
The comparison trap hits parents of LGBTQ+ kids in a specific and painful way. Because this journey does not come with a clear map, a certification, or a moment where someone tells you that you are doing...
Travel Prep as Love: A Friday Reset for Parents of LGBTQ Kids
The research, the conversations, the paperwork, the permission you give your kid before you ever leave home. That is not just preparation. That is love made practical.
On Tuesday we talked about what it actually takes to travel safely with an LGBTQ+ family. Today Heather brings it home with your Friday Butterfly Effect, reframing travel preparation not as a burden but as one of the most concrete acts of allyship you can offer your kid.
In this episode you'll get:
* This week's word, prepared, and why it is fundamentally different from anxious
<...Traveling With Your LGBTQ Kid: What Every Parent Needs to Know Before You Leave
Summer travel should feel like joy. But if you have an LGBTQ+ kid, you already know there is a layer of preparation most families never have to think about. This episode is for you.
The world is not equally safe for LGBTQ+ travelers. Not internationally, and not here at home in the United States. In this episode, Heather Hester walks through what the current global LGBTQ+ safety landscape actually looks like, including which US states have enacted restrictive legislation that directly affects LGBTQ families traveling today, and what every parent needs to know before booking a trip.<...
Genuine Joy Is Countercultural: A Friday Reset for Parents of LGBTQ Kids
Real joy doesn't come from a feed. This week's reset will help you find it, feel it, and help your kid do the same.
In Tuesday's episode, we explored what queer creators are teaching our kids about authentic joy and identity. Today Heather brings it home with your Friday Butterfly Effect, one small shift designed to create a meaningful ripple in your week and in your relationship with your LGBTQ kid.
In this episode you'll learn how to:
* Use this week's word, genuine, to notice the difference between performed and authentic joy in...
What Queer Creators Teach Your LGBTQ Teen About Authentic Joy
Your kid has a feed full of people they've never met, and some of those people are quietly teaching them what joy looks and feels like. Do you know what they're learning?
For LGBTQ teens especially, finding creators online who live and love the way they do can be genuinely life-changing. But not all joy is created equal. The most successful queer creators have discovered something worth understanding: authentic, lasting joy comes from within, and it shows. In this episode, Heather Hester unpacks the psychology behind your kid's online world and what it means for you as...
You Can Love Fiercely and Still Be Running on Empty: A Reset for Exhausted Parents of LGBTQ Kids
You don't need a complete overhaul to start recovering from ally burnout. You need one small, doable thing.
Interest: This week's quick follow-up to our episode on ally burnout and compassion fatigue gives you something tiny and real to carry into your week, no grand gestures or new routines required.
Desire: In this episode you'll learn how to:
Name your own stress pattern out loud, in one sentenceProtect one non-negotiable need like it's non-negotiableHold onto a single line that quiets the guilt when it creeps back inAction: Press play to find...
Up at 2AM Researching? What Ally Burnout Looks Like for Parents of LGBTQ Kids
Talk to other parents who are experiencing burnout, too. Learn more about the Kindred Collective.
Loving your child through a hard season can quietly burn you out, and most allies never see it coming.
When a child comes out and struggles, parents often carry an invisible weight: vicarious stress, ambiguous grief, and a nervous system stuck on high alert. This episode names what compassion fatigue looks like for allies, and why it shows up differently depending on how you're wired.
In this episode, you'll learn how to:
Recognize the real signs of...Bonus Episode: I'm Not Okay, and I Don't Think You Are Either
My Raw Reaction to This Week's SCOTUS Rulings
A note before you press play.
This isn't a normal episode. There's no outline, no structure, no neat takeaways. It's me, talking through what I'm feeling after two days of Supreme Court decisions that I'm still trying to process myself.
If you've been doom-scrolling the news the way I have, you already know some of what's in here. The trans rights ruling. Birthright citizenship. Campaign finance. But this isn't a breakdown of the legal details. It's rage and grief and fear, unfiltered, because I didn't...
PFLAG National on Creating Pride in Families: The New Resource Helping Parents Build Support Networks at Work
What if the support you've been looking for was one conversation away, right where you work?
PFLAG National's Jamie Henkel joins the show to talk about Creating Pride in Families, a brand new resource library designed to help parents and caregivers of LGBTQ+ people build peer support networks inside their workplaces. Whether your company has a thriving ERG or you're starting from scratch, this episode will show you what's possible and how to get there.
Jamie also gets honest about what allyship actually requires: doing your own homework, speaking up even when it's imperfect, and...
I Don't Need to Define You to Love You: A Reset for LGBTQ Parents
Check out in depth essays, meditations, and tips and strategies on the More Human More Kind Substack!
Your kid changed how they describe themselves again, and some part of you is still waiting for the "real" answer.
This Friday Reset picks up where Tuesday left off. One small shift, one word, one line you can carry into the week for the moments when not-knowing feels like too much, and you need a gentler way to hold it.
In this episode you'll learn how to:
Use one simple word to make space for...Beyond the Binary: Why Fluid Doesn't Mean Unsure (Guidance for Parents of LGBTQ Kids)
Find connection with other parents in the Kindred Collective!
Your kid said something different about who they are than they did six months ago, and some part of you panicked.
For a lot of parents, fluidity feels like the hardest version of this journey, not because it's harder to love, but because it doesn't offer the relief of a finish line. This episode is about what happens when you stop needing one. It's about a conversation that changed how one parent saw not just their child, but everyone around them and what that kind of...
