40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.
Welcome to the only podcast exploring the messiness, awesomeness, of masculinity of being a gay man over 40. Each episode is about sparking idea, addressing challenges, and diving deep into what it looks like to be a vulnerable gay guy. We talk about the stuff us gay guys have a hard time talking about, man-to-man: masculinity, sex, careers, our bodies, parenting, sexuality, failures, success, and aging, relationships, coming out - nothing is off limits. 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk is the revamped version of 40 Plus: Real Men. Real Talk podcast and is a short format podcast that's easy to digest. We...
The Gay Asian Mr. Leather Titleholder Who Refused to Be a Type – Tom Wang
Tom Wang, known in the leather community as Spicy Tuna, and Mr. CSW Leather (2006) survived homelessness and an abusive relationship before helping produce the Mr. CSW Leather Contest, only to spend years witnessing gay Asian men being called "Chopsticks" at bars and fielding "Rice Queen" messages that reduced them to a category instead of a person. He talks with Rick about refusing to internalize any of it, building real confidence instead of waiting for approval, and why so many of the older men who built these communities have quietly gone missing from them. If you've ever been wanted for what...
Hate Mail, Death Threats, and Kids’ Books: Greg Howard on Why Representation Still Matters
Book bans are back, and children's author Greg Howard is fighting to give queer kids something most gay men over 40 never got: proof, on the page, that they weren't alone. Greg writes YA and middle grade fiction confronting grief, identity, and found family, work that's earned him hate mail and death threats alongside letters from readers who call him the first person they ever came out to.
He walked away from a thriving prior career to do it, and he won't back down from the political pressure trying to erase that work. If you spent your own...
Eric Hodgson on LGBTQ+ Travel, Safe Spaces, and Using Gay Vacations to Connect
There is something that happens when a group of gay men travel together on a ship where everyone belongs. Walls come down. Generations connect. History gets personal. Eric Hodgson is the founder of Outbound, an LGBTQ+ travel company that builds exclusive small-ship cruises and intimate river journeys designed to do exactly that. He joins Rick to talk about why size matters in travel, what it means to move through the world in a genuinely safe space, and what gay men over 40 discover about themselves and their community when they stop touring and start connecting. From Egypt to Amsterdam to Sydney's 50...
Future-Proof Your Gay Self: Dwight Allen O’Neal on Reinvention, Self-Love, and Knowing When To Evolve
Twenty years in the beauty industry teaches you a few things about reinvention. Dwight Allen O'Neal learned them the hard way and then wrote the book. Death of the Field Team is his unflinching look at what happens when industries change and the people in them refuse to. But this conversation goes deeper than career strategy. Dwight joins Rick to talk about what it actually means to "protect your human," love yourself without apology, and build something that is authentically yours when everything around you is shifting. He also shares the story behind his new business, Christelle on Pine, named...
Stop Being Fabulously Broke: David and John Auten-Schneider on Gay Men, Money, and Retirement
Gay men are great at living fabulously. Retiring fabulously is a different story. David and John Auten-Schneider went from $51,000 in credit card debt to financial independence and now spend their time helping other gay men figure out why their bank account does not match the life they want. They join Rick for episode 400 to talk about the scarcity mindsets, status spending, and financial blind spots that keep LGBTQ men working longer than they have to. If you are in your 50s or 60s and have not saved enough, this episode is not a lecture. It is a plan. Key...
John Ball: The Closet Gets A Better Outfit
John Ball came out years ago. That was not the hard part. The hard part was the second closet he built after, the professional one, where he learned to shrink, soften, and stay palatable so nobody in the room got uncomfortable. Ball breaks down how stand-up comedy taught him that boundaries do not make people leave, they make the right people stay, and how a room-sharing standoff with his family in Spain became the moment he stopped editing himself. This kicks off Gay in the Gayborhood, a new interview series pulling back the curtain on the men behind the mic...
25 Years In: What Love Actually Looks Like for a Gay Man Over 40 – Rick Clemons
Twenty-five years ago, during the week the world changed, I met my husband.
This episode is not a highlight reel. It is an honest look at what it actually takes to build a life with someone, the silence that saves you, the space you have to learn to give, the difference between reacting and responding, and why love is not something that happens to you but something you keep choosing.
For gay men over 40 who wonder if lasting love is still possible, or who are already in it and need a reminder of why it...
Tyler Wasson: Loneliness Is Lying To You
Tyler Wasson spent years running from every uncomfortable silence, awkward date, and rejection, convinced escape was the only way to survive them. Then he found Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and learned the opposite: sitting still inside discomfort is what actually builds connection. Wasson explains why loneliness is not proof something is broken in you, it is a misperception you have been trained to believe. He breaks down his N.A.T.U.R.E. Formula, a nature-based approach that reframes isolation as something you can retrain, not a life sentence. This conversation is for the man who keeps swiping, keeps...
Stop Reacting, Start Listening: Joshua Johnson on What Gay Men Get Wrong About Difficult Conversations
Most gay men do not have a conflict problem. They have a conversation problem. Joshua Johnson spent 25 years in journalism learning why people cannot talk to each other, then turned it into a TED Talk. The former NPR and MSNBC anchor joins Rick to break down what actually happens inside a difficult conversation, why your internal monologue is running the show before you say a word, and why the queer community has a specific and largely unspoken problem with mentorship and validation. This is not a civility lecture. It is a framework for stopping the patterns that keep gay men...
David Lauterstein: Why Fun is Not The Same As Happy
David Lauterstein co-founded Nasty Pig, one of the most unapologetically sex-positive brands in queer history. Everyone expected his first book to be about that. Instead he wrote Sodomy Gods, a love story about meeting his husband Fred in the 1990s, because 33 years into the marriage he learned something nobody markets to gay men: fun and happiness are not the same thing. Lauterstein talks about what three decades of work, sacrifice, and adaptation actually looks like, what the AIDS crisis taught him about resilience and community, and why chasing fun instead of happiness is how good men end up alone. This...
Frank Spinelli on Shame, Trauma, and Why Gay Men Over 40 Are Reading the Wrong Map
Gay men over 40 have been running from shame their entire lives. Frank Spinelli says that is exactly the wrong move. As a physician, survivor, and author of The Shame Compass, Frank has spent decades watching gay men mistake shame for the enemy when it is actually a diagnostic tool pointing toward healing. The AIDS crisis, childhood trauma, the invisibility of aging, the pressure to perform — all of it leaves a mark.
This episode is about what to do with that mark instead of burying it. Frank joins Rick to break down his C.O.M.P.A.S...
Dr. Myron Krys: Successful, Wanted, And Still Alone
Dr. Myron Krys calls himself and loneliness bedfellows. He knows it from the inside, and he sees it every day in his therapy practice with gay men who look like they have it all. Krys explains why open relationships, packed calendars, and career wins do not fix isolation, and how dating apps trade real connection for fetishization and instant rejection. He also opens up about being neurodivergent in a field that rarely talks about it, and why that intersection gets ignored in therapy rooms built for someone else. This conversation names what achievement cannot buy: being fully seen. Key...
Colin Belcourt: Queer Shame, Self-Erasure, and Stop Cleaning Up Your Story
Gay men are experts at editing themselves. At work. In relationships. Inside the queer community itself. Colin Belcourt wrote a book about what gets cut out and why it needs to come back. The Blue Hour Gospel is a debut work of fiction built across multiple formats, created entirely by a queer team, and rooted in the parts of queer life most storytelling refuses to touch: shame, longing, self-erasure, and the pressure to become acceptable. Colin joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it, what he was afraid to include, and why the stories gay men keep...
Brad Ryan: 63 National Parks, One Grandmother, and the Healing Gay Men Stop Believing In
His father rejected him. His grandmother changed everything. Brad Ryan spent seven and a half years driving across America with his 85-year-old grandmother, visiting all 63 national parks, and quietly healing the wounds his coming out left behind. What started as an adventure became something neither of them expected: a reckoning with family, identity, and the stories gay men tell themselves about who will ever truly accept them. Brad joins Rick to talk about what happens when you stop waiting for the people who hurt you and start showing up for the ones who show up for you.
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Stop Negotiating Which Version of You Shows Up – Skip Sams
Skip Sams spent years deciding which version of himself was allowed into which room. Corporate leader in one. Recovering addict in another. HIV positive kept quiet in most of them. Then the rollback of DEI protections and rising pressure on gay men to shrink again forced a reckoning: hiding pieces of yourself is not integrity, it is negotiation. Skip breaks down why integrating every part of his identity, instead of editing it room to room, is what actually built his leadership, and why he is gathering twenty men for the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit to practice the same...
Your Body Is Lying to You About Sex: Fran Frye Breaks Down What’s Really Happening For Gay Men
Something goes wrong in bed and gay men immediately blame desire, performance, or themselves. Sex educator and trauma specialist Fran Frye says they're diagnosing the wrong problem. The real issue is the nervous system — and most men have no idea it's running the show. Rick and Fran dig into the five nervous system responses that hijack sexual experiences, why porn is an idea not a manual, and how shame quietly replaces honest communication for gay men over 40. This is not a conversation about dysfunction. It's about finally understanding what your body has been trying to tell you. Key Takeaways:...
The Quiet Parts Out Loud: Huck Smith on Gay Dating, Bar Culture, and Becoming Real
Gay bars are dying. Dating apps are killing real connection. And gay men over 40 are carrying stories they have never let themselves tell out loud. Huck Smith started posting honest essays online because he could not find anyone else saying the quiet parts. Then his first book hit number one on Amazon the day after it released. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is a collection of personal essays about identity, relationships, and the gap between who gay men are and who they perform being. Huck joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it and why so many gay...
Stop Swiping, Start Connecting: Court Vox on Attraction, Intimacy, and What Gay Men Over 40 Get Wrong About Desire
Gay men over 40 know how to find sex. What most of them have never been taught is how to find connection.
Court Vox is a certified sex and intimacy coach, founder of The Bodyvox, and one of the sharpest voices working with GBTQ men on what actually gets in the way of real intimacy.
He joins Rick to talk about choice fatigue on dating apps, the ruptures that quietly kill relationships before they start, and why so much of what gay men call attraction is really just unexamined shame running the show. This is the...
The Warning Signs Are Here: Dr. Nas Mohamed on LGBTQ Rights, Authoritarianism, and Gay Complacency
Dr. Nas Mohamed grew up in Qatar where homosexuality is criminalized, arranged marriages were expected, and silence was the only safe option. He chose medical school over a lie, built a life on his own terms, and became the first publicly out individual from Qatar. Now he is watching the United States move in a direction he recognizes. This episode is not a history lesson about somewhere else. It is a warning from someone who has seen how this goes. Dr. Nas joins Rick to talk about authoritarian control, the cost of complacency, and why gay men over 40 who think...
Steven C. Law Spent 45 Years Loving the Same Man. Here Is What He Wants Gay Men Over 40 to Know.
Most gay men were never shown what lasting love actually looks like. Steven C. Law lived it for 45 years and then wrote a book to make sure nobody forgets what it cost to love freely before the world made room for it. "The Story of Bob" traces the life of gay rights activist Reverend Bob Wood, a man who spent decades hiding his relationship out of fear, denying himself the simplest moments of connection. Steven and Rick get honest about what it means to be celebrated rather than tolerated, why gay men over 40 carry grief they have never named, and...
Katherine Wela Bogen on What Gay Men Get Wrong About Bisexuality and Why It Costs All of Them
Gay men know what it cost to come out. Bisexual people paid that same price and then got rejected by the community that was supposed to finally understand. Katherine Wela Bogen is a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology, scholar-activist with 600K followers, and author of the debut novel Queering Him. She and Rick get into the real conversation gay and bisexual men keep not having: where the experiences genuinely overlap, where they do not, and why assuming you already understand bisexuality because you know gay identity causes real damage. This one asks gay men over 40 to look at a blind...
He Was HIV Positive and Ran Toward Ground Zero Anyway: Neil Adams on Michael Dorian and the Story That Would Not Stay Untold
On September 11, 2001, a gay man living with HIV made a decision that had nothing to do with self-preservation. He ran toward the World Trade Center and spent 24 hours in the pile. Neil Adams met Michael Dorian in New York in the early 1990s and their friendship lasted nearly 30 years. Now he has written the book Michael asked him to write. From the Pile is a debut biography that covers Michael's childhood in poverty, his HIV diagnosis at 16, his life built on compassion, and the choice he made on the worst day in modern American history. This episode is about what...
HIV Is Not Over: Andrew Spieldenner and Alex Garner on Stigma, Survival, and What Gay Men Over 40 Need to Hear
You lived through it. You lost people. And somewhere along the way you decided HIV was somebody else's problem now. It is not. Andrew Spieldenner and Alex Garner from MPact Global Action join Rick for a conversation that does not let the queer community off the hook. MPact works across 60 countries supporting LGBTQ-led organizations fighting HIV stigma, funding cuts, and the political forces making all of it worse. This episode covers where the stigma still lives, why gay men over 50 are among the fastest growing groups of new diagnoses, and why staying sexual, visible, and engaged is still an act...
Morgan Rich Says the Version of Masculinity You Were Handed Was Never Going to Fit. Here Is What Does.
Most men were handed a version of masculinity that had no room for grief, sensitivity, or showing up as anything other than hard. Gay men got that version and then got told their masculinity did not count anyway. Morgan Rich, coach, author, and creator of Threshold Coaching, spent decades learning the hard way that the world rewarding toughness was never actually rewarding strength. He and Rick get into what it means to reclaim healthy masculinity when you are a gay man over 40 who has been navigating threshold moments your entire life, why little deaths are not the enemy but the...
Randy Jones Has Been Gay for 30 Years and Still Asks Himself If He Is Gay Enough
Thirty years with the same man. Kids. A suburban life. A career built on celebrating the best in people. And a question that never fully goes away: am I gay enough? Randy Jones, speaker, author, podcaster, and self-described professional storyteller, has spent decades navigating the space between gay communities that questioned his credentials and straight communities that accepted him without conditions. He and Rick get honest about what it costs to feel like you never fully belong anywhere, why gay culture built its own velvet rope, and what it actually means to own your gay identity when it does not...
Jeff Nally Lost His Husband Without Warning. Here Is What Nobody Tells You About Being a Gay Widower.
Nobody hands you a roadmap when your husband dies. Jeff Nally knows that firsthand. Sixteen months after losing Bob unexpectedly to a brain hemorrhage, the executive coach, professional speaker, and former president of the International Gay Coaches Alliance is still navigating what it means to be a gay widower in a community that does not talk about this nearly enough. He and Rick get brutally honest about the difference between being alone and being on your own, why grief has no engineering, how friendships fracture after loss, and what it actually takes to rebuild an identity when the man you...
Corporate Rejected Joseph Federico. He Said Fine And Bet On Himself!
Most gay men know they are meant for something more than the corporate box they squeezed themselves into. Getting out is another story entirely. Joseph Federico, The Marketing Maven and founder of JFederico Marketing, walked away from a high-paying corporate career two years ago to build a business on his own terms and his own voice. In this episode, he and Rick get brutally honest about why gay men stall, self-sabotage, and underinvest in themselves when it matters most, what it actually costs to ignore the internal voice telling you to go, and why the queer business community is both...
Shaun Williams Knows Why Gay Men Are Exhausted and Nobody Is Talking About It
Gay men are burning out in silence and calling it fine. Shaun Williams, therapist, late bloomer, and co-founder of Gay Fathers Worldwide, has spent years inside that silence and knows exactly what it is costing us. After coming out in 2019 following decades of living someone else's story, Shaun built Bent Couch Counselling and a global community of over 1,300 gay fathers because the existing resources were not built for men like him. He and Rick get brutally honest about the mental load of coming out later in life, why gay men perform connection instead of feeling it, and what it actually...
Pretty Privilege in the Gay World: Truth, Myth, and the Lie You Keep Telling Yourself – Rick Clemons
Better looking gay men have it easier. More matches, more attention, more forgiveness in every room they walk into. Gay culture did not invent pretty privilege but it turned it into a full contact sport, and gay men over 40 have been taking the hits for decades.
Today I go solo and deep on why gay culture amplifies appearance-based hierarchies beyond anything straight culture produces, what the better looking guy is actually carrying that nobody talks about, and why the real damage is not the privilege itself but the moment you handed your self-worth to a community that...
Ken Breniman on Naked Yoga, Death Awareness, and Why Gay Men Over 40 Must Stop Avoiding Mortality
Aging hits different when you’re a gay man over 40. The body shifts. Friends disappear. Mortality stops being abstract. In this raw conversation, Ken Breniman, author, therapist, and leader of naked yoga for LGBTQ+ men, dives into death awareness, grief, body shame, loneliness, and why avoiding mortality keeps you negotiating your life. We talk orangutans in Borneo, naked yoga as radical body acceptance, and the courage it takes to face the truth about aging. If you’re over 40 and still pretending you have unlimited time, this episode will wake you up, to stop negotiating your gay life. Live like you mean...
Mike Elliott Says the Thing No Man Wants to Hear: Your Relationships Are a Mirror of You
Most men spend years trying to fix their relationships by fixing the other person. Mike Elliott, LGBTQ+ ally, tried that too. It cost him his marriage. The Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide rebuilt his entire life after divorce by doing the one thing men are trained to avoid: looking directly at themselves. Through a three-part framework of initiation, integration, and inspiration, Mike now guides men who are done sleepwalking through their relationships and ready to lead from something real. Mike and Rick get raw about what it actually takes to stop being reactive, take radical self-responsibility, and build...
Rich Burns Says the Quiet Part Out Loud That Gay Men Over 40 Have Been Thinking for Years
Gay men over 40 have been watching themselves disappear from screens, from conversations, and from their own community's narrative for decades. Rich Burns got fed up and built the antidote. The Humanitas Prize-winning creator and star of "The Disappointments" turned personal professional failure, romantic wreckage, and the specific ache of gay male invisibility into a series with over 4 million views and a global audience that stretches far beyond the LGBTQ+ community. Rich and Rick go deep on why older gay men are still being erased, what it actually costs to tell the truth on screen, and why humor is not a...
Kit Roughhouse on Gay Erotica, Reinvention, and Telling the Truth After 40
Many gay men over 40 are reinventing themselves after layoffs, burnout, or careers that no longer fit. Creativity becomes survival, not a hobby. In this candid conversation, Kit Roughhouse shares how a job loss, a Los Angeles gay bar, and a long-suppressed creative voice gave rise to his alter ego and career as a gay erotica writer. his episode explores why erotic storytelling matters, how gay men use fantasy to explore identity and confidence, and what it means to create meaningful work later in life. It strips away shame around desire and reframes erotica as honest storytelling rooted in lived experience. <...
Belonging, Safety, and the Body: Reclaiming Authenticity as Gay Men with Devin Scott
Why do so many gay men spend their lives trying to belong, and still feel unsafe being themselves? This episode explores the deeper layers of belonging, authenticity, and self-trust through the lens of body-based wisdom. Devin Scott, a licensed social worker and body wisdom coach, shares his journey beyond traditional therapy into somatic practices, mindfulness, and Eastern philosophy. The conversation unpacks how high-performing gay men often learn to abandon themselves in order to fit in, and how true belonging begins with feeling safe inside one’s own body. With honesty and vulnerability, Devin also reflects on a recent breakup and wh...
Living Without an Esophagus: Cancer, Community, and LGBTQ Resilience with Dallas Oliver
What happens when your body is permanently changed—and you still choose to show up fully alive? This episode features Dallas Oliver, a gay man and esophageal cancer survivor diagnosed at just 39. Dallas shares his journey through chemotherapy, radiation, major surgery, and life without an esophagus, along with the realities most people never talk about: intimacy, identity, food, energy, and grief. Out of that experience, he created a weekly LGBTQ cancer support group to offer the kind of space he couldn’t find when he needed it most. This conversation is raw, honest, and deeply human-centered on survival, chos...
Prostate Cancer Is Silent, and Why Gay Men Over 40 Must Pay Attention – Dr. Arthur L. Burnett II
Prostate cancer rarely announces itself. For many men, especially gay men over 40, the first sign comes too late. PSA testing can catch prostate cancer early, yet most men avoid the conversation or assume no symptoms means no problem. World renowned urologist Dr. Arthur L. Burnett II breaks down what every man needs to know about prostate and urological health, PSA testing, and why waiting for symptoms is a dangerous mistake. The conversation tackles cultural shame, medical avoidance, and how masculinity myths keep men from advocating for their health. This episode is a wake up call for gay men who want...
The Truth About Bulimia, Divorce, and the Secrets Gay Men Keep – Kyle Ridley
Many gay men over 40 struggle with eating disorders, addiction, and shame while appearing successful and in control. Bulimia, compulsive behaviors, and secrecy often go unnoticed until a breaking point like divorce forces the truth into the open.
In this unfiltered conversation, Kyle shares his personal experience with bulimia, recovery, and rebuilding identity after divorce as a gay man over 40. This episode confronts body image, food control, sex addiction, and emotional isolation in the gay male community. It exposes why secrecy keeps men stuck and how recovery begins with honesty, support, and connection later in life.
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Heated Rivalry: The Love War You Keep Fighting With Yourself – Rick Clemons
Negotiating love feels responsible until you realize it is costing you your self-respect. For many gay men over 40, relationships quietly turn into endurance tests disguised as commitment. You tolerate distance. You excuse confusion. You call chemistry connection and safety love. In this eve before Valnetines Day episode, Rick Clemons exposes the heated rivalry (with cheeky, but wise observations from the HBO Max series by the same name) playing out beneath your dating patterns. The fight between choosing comfort or choosing truth. This conversation cuts through avoidance, people-pleasing, and half-choices that keep men stuck repeating the same emotional loop. You will...
Can You Still Get Hard After 40? Shay Doran on Performance Anxiety for Gay Men
Many gay men over 40 quietly panic when sex stops working the way it used to. Erections feel unpredictable. Anxiety creeps in. Porn, media, and aging myths make it worse. Men’s coach Shay Doran brings a grounded, no nonsense perspective to performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, stress, medication side effects, and the emotional pressure gay men carry into the bedroom. This conversation reframes sexual performance as a whole life issue, not a broken body problem. When stress, self worth, and identity are addressed, desire and connection often follow. The episode challenges shame based thinking and replaces it with curiosity, honesty, and a...
Gay or Straight, Same Relationship Struggles: Attachment, Boundaries, and Starting Over with Ralph Brewer
In this powerful midlife conversation, Ralph Brewer, author of Rebuild: The Complete Guide to Starting Over as a Man, unpacks the universal relationship challenges men face, gay or straight. From anxious attachment and dead bedrooms to boundaries, neurodivergence, and long-term monogamy, this episode reveals how male relationship patterns cross orientation lines. Ralph shares his journey from heterosexual marriage and divorce to becoming a leading voice in men’s relationship coaching, while Rick connects these insights directly to gay men navigating midlife transitions. This episode is a must-listen for men ready to rebuild relationships with clarity, self-awareness, and...
