What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

What if kids didn't need chore charts and constant supervision in order to participate in the lives of their households? What if the "mental load" was seen as a family-wide issue, where everyone could contribute to the solution?

Sam Kelly, creator of the "Notice and Do" method and author of the new book NOTICE AND DO: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load, is here to tell us there's another way.

Amy and Sam discuss:

What have 10 years of doing this podcast taught us about being better parents? In this, our 1,000th episode(!), we look back at the biggest parenting lessons we’ve learned from a decade of conversing with guests, listeners, and each other.

Thank you for listening and being on this parenting journey with us!

We also reference some of our favorite interviews:

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ab...

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.

We asked the listeners in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ about all the times they caught their spouses being awesome, and here are just a few: supporting their partners through difficult career choices. Reading up on issues that affect their kids. Learning how to do their kids' hair.

Awesome parenting partners, all!

Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode:

⁠"Flying the Coop" episode from Reply All podcast⁠ (Margaret's rec)

⁠Our Fresh Take episode wi...

Trigger warning: On today's episode we will be discussing pregnancy loss, abortion, and maternal death. Please be advised if those topics are difficult for you.

What happens when pregnancy complications become a life-threatening emergency? Margaret’s sister Anne joins us to share her powerful story of nearly dying from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.

Margaret and Anne discuss:

Why do some kids completely fall apart when it’s time to leave the playground, get ready for school, or switch activities? We dive into why transitions are particularly difficult for some kids and what parents can do to make them easier.

Here's what we discuss in this episode:

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

Parenting is a series of everyday battles. But which ones are truly worth fighting? In this episode we discuss the Sisyphean nature of the overuse of the word 'like', to a cleaned-up playroom, to the unending struggle of getting tweens to wear pants—and which of these battles might be 1) winnable and 2) worth the work.

Some things really do matter fo...

We want our kids to feel validated and heard. We also don't want to engage in five-hour negotiations every time they have to do something they don't want to do. Where's the happy middle?

Child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, author of YOU ARE THE PARENT, explains how parents can create a balanced approach. Dr. Cohen explains why well-intentioned parents can end up overexplaining, over-fixing, over-advising, and trying too hard to prevent their children from experiencing difficult emotions.

Dr. Cohen and Margaret discuss:

Which kid behaviors need to be addressed in the moment—and which are better ignored? We discuss when to fix behavior and when to let it go, from whining and backtalk to tantrums and other attention-seeking behavior.

Topics include:

This episode includes advice from the Child Mi...

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to te...

How much of your time is actually going toward what matters most to you? Career expert and author Fran Hauser joins us to talk about her new book, 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR, and how women can rethink their relationship with time.

We discuss:

Here's where you can find...

We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment.

We discuss:

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group:

My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help!

In this episode, we ex...

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles?

Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life.

Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss:

Why does it feel harder than ever to get together with our friends? Why does every "we should hang out soon!" in a group text feel destined to peter out before it actually happens?

In this episode, we explore the modern “friendship recession" that started during the pandemic and hasn't changed back.

We discuss:

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it...

What if being a comedian is kind of great for most things, but not so much for parenthood? We talk with Sona Movsesian, co-host of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend and author of the new book THE WORLD'S WORST MOM, about mom guilt, the mental load, and what becoming a mother taught her about her relationship with her own mom.

We discuss:

Here's where you can find Sona:

Youth sports used to mean riding your bike to your friend's house to play Wiffle ball in the backyard, with a tree for second base. Eventually you'd head to the rec center, maybe join the school team. But those days are long gone. Kids' sports have become so involved, specialized, and expensive that fewer and fewer kids are even able to participate— and those who do play have to opt in to grueling practice schedules and travel teams that prioritize achievement and winning above many of the lessons sports are supposed to teach kids in the first place.

...

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

We've all had times when our kids resist every. single. thing. you tell them to do. When is it part of a larger problem, and even if it's not, how do we manage the exhausting defiance?

Amy and Margaret discuss:

Back-to-school season doesn’t have to be a chaotic scramble. In this "Best of" episode, Margaret and Amy share practical tips to help parents make the transition smoother—without getting caught up in the “back-to-school industrial complex.”

From resetting sleep schedules to planning meals and snacks, here's what really matters for your child’s success and well-being this fall. You’ll hear strategies for easing morning stress, tackling "after-school restraint collapse,” and checking in on your family’s values to make sure those priorities are aligning with your new school-year schedule.

Margaret and Amy discuss:

Overfunctioning is usually defined as taking on excess responsibility for other people’s feelings, issues, and tasks. And it's usually presumed to be tied to anxiety. IF someone's overfunctioning, it's either a symptom of or cause of the panic assumed to be lying just underneath.

But are we "overfunctioning" when we're doing our absolutely regular amount of way-too-much as a parent? Does anxiety have to have anything to do with it?

In this episode, we're talking about

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure.

Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? ⁠Jennifer Wallace⁠, author of the book ⁠Never Enough⁠, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsi...

What if the proven decline in the mental health of today's adolescents isn't just about phones and screen time? What if academic pressure and "achievement culture" is the real driver of the increase in anxiety and depression today's teens are experiencing?

Dr. Stuart Slavin, pediatrician and author of THE SUCCESS TRAP, explains just how widespread academic pressure and "achievement culture" in the United States has become— not just in fancy schools on the coasts, and not just in high school, either.

Amy and Dr. Slavin discuss:

When is it useful for our kids to hear about our own life experiences—including situations caused by our own bad decision-making?

When does it become oversharing, or get too personal or inappropriate?

We discuss how to know how much to tell our kids, and how to have useful difficult conversations, including:

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure.

Linda Flanagan is a journalist, researcher, and a former cross-country and track coach. She's also a founding board member of the Positive Coaching Alliance and an Advisory Group member for the Aspen Institute’s Reimagining Sports initiative. Flanagan's book is ⁠TAKE BACK THE GAME: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids' Sports--and Why It Matters⁠. Linda tells Amy and Margaret what fo...

What does it really mean to become an active participant in the care of your own health? In this episode, Margaret talks with primary care physician Dr. Lucy McBride about her new book, Beyond the Prescription: A Doctor’s Guide to Taking Charge of Your Health. They discuss how to become a more self-aware and empowered patient, as well as:

Subscribe to our monthly newsletter!⁠

Feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done? If you're the person who keeps track of the appointments, school forms, groceries, household repairs, gifts, kids' activities, and all the little things that seem to live permanently in your head, you may not need to get better at managing your workload—you may need to outsource some of it.

We tackle a listener question about how to outsource the household workload without having pockets deep enough for full-time help. We talk about why outsourcing can actually feel like more work at f...

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure.

So many of us spend hours chauffeuring our kids back and forth to their myriad activities. Why are kids so overloaded with activities these days, and can we get off of this ride? Here are some parenting strategies for navigating this issue.

Amy and Margaret discuss:

We think of rewarding kids as a surefire way to get the behavior we want. But what if rewards mainly serve to underline our children's instrinsic drive to succeed? Dr. Özgür Bolat, education scientist and author of The Reward Trap: Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science for Motivating Kids, explains why rewarding kids may actually undermine their motivation in the long run.

As Dr. Bolat explains, there's a difference between motivation and compliance. Rewards can get children to do something, but they don't necessarily create the ownership, engagement, or intrinsic motivation parents actually want.

...

What happens when one child’s needs take up most of a family’s attention? Even when parents are doing their best, it can be easy for another child to quietly become the “easy” one—the independent kid, the high achiever, the people-pleaser who never seems to need anything.

In this episode, we discuss:

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Whether it’s the science fair, the pinewood derby, or a pre-K shoebox diorama, sooner or later every kid gets assigned a school project that is, without question, a PARENTS' project. What four-year-old can fashion her own “Dress As Your Patron Saint” costume? What sixth-grader can attempt proper MLA citation format without extreme maternal participation? 

It’s not so much the proje...

Kids (and adults) with ADHD don't actually have a deficit of attention. Today, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is more properly understood as a deficit of executive function— and as this week's guest ⁠Michael McLeod⁠, founder of GrowNOW ADHD and author of ⁠THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTION PLAYBOOK⁠, explains, executive function means a whole lot more than a messy backpack.

To help kids with ADHD succeed, Michael argues, parents need to help children strengthen the internal skills that lead to lifelong independence. In this interview, drawing from his decades of experience working with families whose kids are growing up with ADHD, Mich...

Are you certain that people are only pretending to enjoy cilantro? Or mah jongg? We asked our listeners to tell us the things they're convinced no one actually likes. From complicated board games to high school graduations, we discuss the most nominated to be overrated.

Here's the link to all of the hilarious answers people gave in our Facebook group!

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes...

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure.

Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness as well.

Amy and Margaret discuss:

Childhood anxiety is on the rise. Parents are often unsure how to respond, and in their well-intentioned efforts to reassure their kids, can sometimes reinforce the anxious patterns. In this interview Kristen McNeely, LMFT, explains how parents can start to help their kids build resilience by taking small, manageable steps toward the things that might scare them.

We also discuss school refusal—why it's more complicated than simply not wanting to go to school; the warning signs parents should watch for; and why collaboration between parents, schools, and mental health professionals is essential.

Kristen explains wh...

All too often, we leave our kids' pediatric appointments only to remember what we really wanted to ask when we're on the drive home. Fear not: Dr. Mary Martin is in, and she's answering all our burning pediatric-medicine questions.

Margaret and Dr. Mary Martin cover all the the topics most likely fill parents' search histories and social media feeds, separating medical facts from internet misinformation and offering practical, judgment-free advice.

You'll learn:

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits.

Is screen use a daily battle of wills in your house? ⁠Emily Cherkin⁠, author of the new book ⁠"THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family,"⁠ explains how to model a healthy relationship with tech for our kids.

Emily Cherkin, MEd., consults with parents, offers school p...

What does it really take to build a fulfilling life—and how do we help our kids do the same? Bestselling author and host of the podcast "What It's Like to Be..." Dan Heath joins Amy for a conversation that challenges some of the biggest assumptions parents make about success, careers, decision making, and what their kids will remember most about growing up.

Dan shares why meaningful work often comes from unexpected places and why room for experimentation and exploration is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

Dan and Amy discuss:

If you've ever looked at your very different children and wondered how they could possibly share the same DNA, same parents, and same upbringing, you're not alone— and you're imagining things.

Research shows that while siblings are usually more alike in appearance and intelligence than we sometimes think, their personalities are as different from one another as they would be from a stranger on the street.

Why is that? This week, we discuss:

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits.

How do we untangle ourselves from technology? We give ourselves a hard time for not being able to put our screens down, but the platforms we use are designed to be addictive. It's not our fault.

⁠Gaia Bernstein⁠'s new book: ⁠Unwired: Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies⁠ shatters the illu...

What if the fact that we sometimes we "lose it" as parents doesn't make us bad parents? What if those times stem from an overwhelmed nervous system, and what happens when we get curious about what's underneath?

Marriage and family therapist Dr. Cassidy Freitas, host of the "Holding Space" podcast and author of the new book MOM NEEDS A MOMENT, explains why parents "lose it," what our emotional reactions are really telling us, and how we can interrupt generational patterns without striving for perfection.

In this episode, you'll learn: