Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

In this episode, I share an experience from a recent flight that reminded me how easy it is for parents to focus on a child's behavior while missing what the child is actually trying to communicate. I watched a young child become increasingly upset as his attempts to communicate were repeatedly ignored until his behavior escalated. It was a powerful reminder that whining, crying, and tantrums are often not the real problem—they can be the result of a child feeling unheard, misunderstood, or powerless.

I talk about how simple child-centered parenting skills like acknowledging what a ch...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose six-year-old can be cooperative one minute and completely defiant the next. I explain why behavior like refusing to get in the car, undoing something positive after being praised, or digging in when asked to do something is often less about "bad behavior" and more about a child's need for power and control. When we understand what is driving the behavior, we can respond differently instead of getting pulled into the power struggle.

I also share how intentional choice giving can help children feel more empowered throughout...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose 3- and 5-year-old children are constantly tattling on each other over every little thing. I explain why telling young children to "work it out" usually doesn't work—they simply don't have the developmental capacity yet to reason through sibling conflict on their own. Instead, I share how parents can use clear, consistent choices to help children begin developing self-control and responsibility without turning Mom or Dad into the household referee.

I also talk about the importance of keeping consequences immediate and age-appropriate, especially with very young ch...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose 7- and 9-year-old daughters are experiencing significant anxiety around going to school. We talk about the difference between choosing homeschooling because it genuinely fits a child better versus using homeschooling to avoid an anxiety-producing situation, and why that distinction matters. I also explain how anxiety can show up physically through things like stomachaches or behaviorally through crying, clinging, and refusing to enter school, and how those patterns can grow over time if the underlying fear isn't addressed.

I also talk about the importance of involving anxious...

In this episode, I answer a follow-up question from a mom who recently reduced screen time for her 8- and 10-year-old children and is now seeing an unexpected result: her son wants to spend much more time outside with friends. That is a huge win, but it has created a new parenting challenge—how much freedom and independence should a 10-year-old actually have? I talk through ways to gradually increase independence without ignoring legitimate safety concerns, including starting with one approved activity, setting clear expectations, and allowing children to earn greater freedom by demonstrating responsibility.

I also di...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose seven-year-old has become frustrated with her play therapist and says the therapist treats her "like a baby." I explain why seven is still right in the sweet spot for child-centered play therapy, and why complaints about therapy are often less about the therapist or the approach and more about the child's resistance to doing difficult emotional work. Children don't always have the words to explain what they are feeling, so we have to listen beyond the complaint and consider what it may actually be communicating.

I...

In this episode, I answer a collection of parent questions around one central concern: what do we do when a child seems to be struggling with who they are? I talk about signs that can point to a shaky sense of identity, including anxiety, negative self-talk, constantly changing how they present socially, and difficulty believing in their own competence. I introduce the concept of the "looking glass self" and explain how children gradually form beliefs about themselves based on what is reflected back to them by the people around them.

I also explain why both criticism and...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom who realizes that screens have gradually become a major part of her children's daily lives and now wants to make a change. I talk about what to expect when you begin reducing screen time, why children may push back so strongly, and how to use child-centered parenting skills like reflecting feelings, setting limits, giving choices, and encouragement to help them through the transition.

I also explain how to talk with children about screen limits in a way they can understand. Rather than arguing about whether screens are "...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose 9-year-old daughter experiences intense anxiety every morning before school—even though she does well once she gets there and usually comes home saying she had a good day. I explain why this pattern often points to anticipatory anxiety: the fear of what might happen becomes far more overwhelming than what actually happens. Over time, children can even begin to fear the physical feelings of anxiety themselves, creating a cycle of stomach aches, tears, worry, and resistance every morning.

I also share what parents can do to he...

In this episode, I answer a question from a homeschooling mom whose six-year-old becomes angry, disruptive, and resistant whenever it's time to do schoolwork. I explain why his behavior may be less about academics and more about vulnerability, power and control, and figuring out where he fits within the family. We also talk about how sibling roles, birth order, and the comparison that naturally happens between older and younger children can affect a child's developing sense of identity.

I also share why homeschooling can create a unique challenge when a parent is both mom and teacher, and...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose toddler struggles every time it's time to transition to the other parent's home for a custody exchange. We talk about why these transitions are so difficult for young children, how toddlers experience time differently than adults, and why resisting the handoff doesn't necessarily mean they don't love or enjoy being with the other parent. I explain how validating your child's feelings, giving them as much age-appropriate control as possible, and providing clear, predictable expectations can make these transitions feel safer and less overwhelming.

I also share...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose son has struggled with aggression, sadness, and emotional regulation for years. She wonders why he's so different from his peers and why therapy hasn't uncovered the "reason" behind his behavior. I explain why behavior is always communication, how aggression and withdrawal are often signs of emotional pain rather than defiance, and why our goal isn't to uncover every cause of a child's struggles, but to provide the relationship and environment where healing can naturally take place.

I also discuss the connection between self-esteem, identity, and healthy...

In this episode, I answer a question from an adoptive mom who is learning how to use child-centered parenting techniques with her daughter, who struggles with aggression, big emotions, and sensory challenges. We talk about why children often can't think clearly when they're emotionally overwhelmed, how to use empowerment choices before conflict begins, and how to create meaningful enforcement choices that teach responsibility without relying on punishment. If you've ever wondered how to put child-centered parenting into practice in everyday life, this episode is full of practical examples you can start using right away.

I also answer...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom who feels like she's constantly butting heads with her ten-year-old daughter. We talk about why the preteen years often bring a strong desire for independence, how to balance growing autonomy with healthy boundaries, and why behaviors like arguing, disrespect, and constantly saying, "You're not the boss of me," are often signs of a child trying to figure out who they are rather than simply being defiant.

I also share practical ways to strengthen your relationship during this important stage of development, including how encouragement builds confidence, why...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose five-year-old daughter seems to be caught in constant power struggles despite receiving choices throughout the day. We explore why some children continue to demand control even when parents are using child-centered strategies, and I explain the important difference between simply giving children choices and giving them meaningful choices that meet the emotional need underneath the behavior. We also discuss why anxiety often fuels a child's need for control and how aggressive behaviors can actually be a mask for much deeper feelings.

I also share practical ways...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose seven-year-old daughter has struggled with pee withholding since potty training. We explore why toileting challenges are often about much more than the bathroom, including how control, anxiety, and emotional patterns can become deeply ingrained over time. I explain why children sometimes hold onto control in unexpected ways and how understanding what's happening beneath the surface can completely change the way we respond.

I also share one of the most practical tools in child-centered parenting: empowerment choices. You'll learn why simply giving children freedom isn't the same...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom who is worried about the relationship between her four-year-old son and his younger brother. If you've ever wondered whether sibling rivalry, rough play, jealousy, or competition between siblings is normal, you're not alone. I explain some of the common dynamics that naturally emerge between siblings who are close in age, including power struggles, birth order influences, and why older siblings often have a difficult time adjusting after being "dethroned" as the only child.

I also share practical ways parents can respond when sibling conflict triggers strong emotions...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose daughter witnessed the death of her father at a very young age. Now that her daughter is older, she's wondering how that experience may still be affecting her development, emotions, and behavior. I explain how children remember traumatic events differently than adults do, why early experiences can continue to influence a child years later, and how healing often unfolds in stages as children mature and gain the ability to understand their experiences in new ways.

I also share practical ways parents can support children who are...

In the first Q&A episode of Season 4, I answer a thoughtful question from a mom who is trying to help her eight-year-old daughter develop internal motivation for everyday responsibilities. We explore the difference between external rewards and the child-centered concept of choice giving, and why many parents misunderstand what choices are actually designed to accomplish. I explain how choices return responsibility to children, help them experience appropriate power and control, and allow them to learn from the outcomes of their decisions.

I also discuss an important developmental reality: young children are not making decisions through logic...

In this final episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I reflect on why this season has mattered so much to me and to the field of child-centered play therapy. Parents are a crucial part of a child's healing journey, and one of our greatest goals is helping parents feel equipped to understand what their children need, how to communicate with them effectively, and how to support them as they grow and work through struggles. Whether your child is in play therapy or not, every child benefits from having at least one adult who deeply understands, supports...

In this episode, I answer a question from an adoptive mom whose three-year-old becomes extremely dysregulated before and after exciting events like family camp, theme parks, or outings. I explain why children who crave stability and predictability can become emotionally overwhelmed when routines, environments, and expectations suddenly change—even when the experience itself is positive and enjoyable. What can look like "crazy behavior" or chaos is often a child showing externally what they are feeling internally.

I also walk through why controlling behavior often emerges after children feel powerless or out of control. When emotions spike too hi...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I answer a common question parents ask: "How can play therapy help if nothing in my child's environment is changing?" I explain why child-centered play therapy is effective even when difficult circumstances remain the same. The goal of CCPT is not to control the environment or force other people to change—it's to help the child develop the coping skills, resilience, confidence, emotional vocabulary, and self-regulation needed to handle life differently.

Over time, children stop feeling like helpless victims of their circumstances and begin believing, "I'll be...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about one of the biggest fears parents have after things begin improving: "What if we go backwards?" When life becomes calmer and more regulated, many parents worry that their child could suddenly return to the same level of anxiety, aggression, or emotional chaos they experienced before therapy. I explain why that fear is understandable—but why true growth in child-centered play therapy does not simply disappear.

I introduce the concept of reverse Pandora's box to explain how healing works in CCPT. Children cannot "unlearn" th...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose child is currently in play therapy and making great progress, but who is also considering adding occupational therapy. I explain why we have to be thoughtful anytime we add multiple therapies into a child's schedule. Therapy of any kind is hard work for kids—emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically—and it's easy for children to become overwhelmed, overscheduled, and over-therapized without us realizing it.

I also talk through two other important considerations. First, when we change multiple things at once, it becomes difficult to know what is a...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I explain one of the most important shifts that happens for children in the play therapy process—the change in their internal dialogue. Many children start with a fear-based mindset that sounds like "oh no, what if," where they feel powerless, overwhelmed, and unsure they can handle what might happen. This often shows up as anxiety, avoidance, or negative self-talk. It's not always spoken out loud, but it drives how they think, feel, and respond to the world.

Over time, as children build self-esteem, resilience, and pr...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I explain why a child's growth and healing process is not linear, even though we often expect it to be. As adults, we tend to think in straight lines—progress should move steadily forward. But children don't think or process that way. As they work through emotions and experiences, their path looks much more like a roller coaster, with twists, turns, and moments that feel like they're going backward. What can feel confusing or discouraging is often a normal part of how children process and grow.

I...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom about her child taking things that don't belong to her. I explain that while this behavior can feel alarming, it is actually very common in childhood and is usually tied to development, impulse, and a child's desire to meet a need in the moment. Children often understand that taking things is wrong, but they don't yet have the ability to reason through that impulse or regulate it effectively. What looks like stealing is often a combination of desire, limited self-control, and not yet having the words to express what...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I introduce a visual way to understand your child's behavior before and after child-centered play therapy — what I call The Wave Model: From Tsunami to Tide. Before children develop the skills to regulate, communicate, and make sense of their emotions, their behavior often shows up in extremes. The highs are very high, the lows are very low, and everything feels intense, overwhelming, and difficult to manage.

As children build emotional vocabulary, regulation, self-esteem, and a broader understanding of their world, those extremes begin to settle. The wa...

In this episode, I explain the concept of the pendulum swing and why it is such an important picture for understanding what happens in child-centered play therapy. When children have felt powerless in everyday life, the permissive playroom gives them a chance to experience the opposite. They are allowed to take charge, make decisions, and even swing all the way into dictatorial power. That can look extreme, but it is actually part of the healing process. Children are testing what power feels like because they have spent so much of life feeling like they had none.

Over...

In this episode, I explain the concept of the anger iceberg and how it completely changes the way we understand our children's behavior. What we see on the surface—yelling, hitting, defiance, aggression—is often just a small piece of what's actually going on. Underneath that anger is something much bigger: hurt, disappointment, fear, frustration, or overwhelm. Kids don't choose anger because it's accurate—they choose it because it feels powerful and helps them avoid vulnerability.

When we only react to the anger, we miss what our child is really trying to communicate. But when we pause and lo...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I walk you through how birth order shapes your child's personality—and why that matters more than most parents realize. I explain the common tendencies of oldest, middle, and youngest children, and how the dynamics between siblings influence behavior, motivation, and relationships. When you understand birth order, so many things start to make sense—why one child is driven and responsible, another is social and carefree, and another seeks connection outside the family.

I also talk about something many parents don't consider: your own birth order affe...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I explain one of the most important mindset shifts we can make as parents: behavior is communication. When children don't yet have an emotional vocabulary, they can't tell us what they're feeling—they have to show us. That's why big emotions often come out as tantrums, aggression, or seemingly irrational behavior. What looks like "misbehavior" is often just a child overwhelmed by feelings they don't understand and don't know how to express.

I walk through how emotional vocabulary changes everything. When children learn to recognize and ve...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about self-esteem, the seventh and final common issue that often brings children into child-centered play therapy. Self-esteem isn't something children are born with—it develops over time as they begin to understand who they are and what they are capable of. When a child struggles with self-esteem, you often see hesitation, self-doubt, and social difficulties because it's hard for a child to connect with others when they don't yet have a clear sense of themselves.

I explain how child-centered play therapy helps build self-esteem in...

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom who is trying to decide whether to pursue an ADHD evaluation for her six-year-old while he is already in play therapy. I walk through the larger issue many parents face — the pressure to evaluate, diagnose, and medicate quickly — and how that differs from a child-centered approach that looks at the whole child first. I explain why behavior should never be reduced to a snapshot moment in time and why dysregulation, anxiety, power struggles, and lack of emotional vocabulary can often look like ADHD on the surface. 

I also...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about relational issues — when children struggle socially, don't seem to connect with peers, or have difficulty maintaining friendships. I explain that these struggles are often rooted in a lack of identity or self-concept. When a child doesn't know who they are, they try on different roles from day to day, which makes it hard for other children to relate to them. In other cases, a child may have a consistent pattern of maladaptive behavior that creates distance in relationships. 

I walk through how child-centered pla...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about aggression — one of the most common concerns that brings children into child-centered play therapy. I explain that aggression is usually rooted in one of two things: dysregulation combined with a lack of emotional vocabulary, or a mask for vulnerability. When children don't have the words for what they're feeling and don't yet know how to regulate those feelings, aggression becomes the physical way they show distress. Other times, aggression is a shield — a way to avoid the vulnerability underneath disappointment, hurt, or betrayal.

I al...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about internalizing behaviors and how they often go unnoticed because these kids keep everything inside. Internalizing children feel just as deeply as externalizing children, but instead of showing their distress outwardly, they stuff it. Over time, that stored-up emotion builds tension until it finally breaks through in a flood of tears or overwhelm. I explain how family roles, subtle pressure, and unmet needs often contribute to this pattern. 
I also walk through what happens in the playroom for internalizing kids. In child-centered play therapy, they b...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I explain externalizing behaviors — what they are, why they happen, and how child-centered play therapy helps. Externalizing kids show their distress outwardly through behaviors like yelling, hitting, throwing, running, or melting down. These children are big feelers with intense internal experiences, and their behavior is their way of showing how overwhelmed they feel. They aren't trying to manipulate or get attention — they're trying to get relief from feelings they don't know how to manage yet.

I walk through what happens in the playroom for externalizing children and...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I focus on power and control — one of the most common reasons children enter child-centered play therapy. I explain why kids who constantly push, demand, and fight for control are not being manipulative or defiant, but are responding to a deep sense of powerlessness in their lives. Children have very little control over their daily world, and when circumstances feel overwhelming or unpredictable, they grab control wherever they can.

I walk through how power and control struggles show up in the playroom and how CCPT allows ch...

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I focus on anxiety — one of the most common reasons parents seek child-centered play therapy for their children. I explain how anxiety usually isn't something that suddenly appears, but instead reflects an underlying predisposition that has been present for a long time. Often, a single event brings that anxiety to the surface, and from there, children begin fearing the fear itself. As anxiety increases, so does a child's need for control, which is why anxiety and power struggles so often show up together.

I walk through wh...