Kingdom of Crybabies

I curl in a ball in the middle of the floor. The room is empty. There are no lights. I let myself remember. I weep softly. Under my breath I build a memory. First it whimpers. Now it moans. I roll over and press my hips to the floor. I imagine love. You’ve given up on your own, I know. But I wont think now. I will let go. I tremble. They’re going to eat me alive! I scream! At first its pitch black, pure silence; the love must first come through me. A burst of color bursts from...

Place your hands over your chest and shift your focus to your heart. Can you hear me now? I’ve been trying to evaluate. But the truth is, I never needed to understand. The way you choose to move belongs entirely to you. I love the way that I am. I love my body like nobody could ever love anybody. She is mine. She is strong! We are aching to move on. Her love for me has no boundaries or sense of time. We create kingdoms, then kingdoms come our way. Look outside your window. What do you see? Do yo...

K. Fine. Really wanna know me? Ha! I have my doubts. But I’ll let you in anyway. I despise the human race. Love is a destructive beast. Truth is I cannot deny my emotions. There’s no hope for me. Truth is childish intuition. Truth is stupid simple! Be careful with that so called intelligence baby. You might start speaking without saying anything at all. Will I still be wildly attracted to you? Probably. You may talk like a tough guy. But you’re all giggles and disco dancing and I can’t stop thinking about that night. We knew! I...

Don’t touch me I’d rather scream. Crying is for babies and I have seen all that I need to see. Don’t speak! You’ve said enough, babe. Kick sticks! Get a life! You’re staring at a fucking screen all day! Don’t tell me that you belong here. Don’t talk to me ever again. I’m going under the ocean and this time I’m not coming up for air. I forgot the color of your eyes. They turned to the reflection. They became possessed by the great source of energy. The thief of everyone living isn’t a for...

The beautiful boy sets his sights across the ocean. He knows his love is waiting. He knows she is impatient. He takes time anyway. No one can fool him. He has all the answers in a small backpack. His father was Michael Jackson. His mother was Kathy Acker. He had but one brother, Fyodor Dostoyevsky. He’s been alone all of his life. He doesn’t intend on running away. The beautiful boy is going home. He’s sitting on the floor crying in the palms of his hands. He’s the happiest he’s ever been. He’s been sitting of s...

It all began in the night. I am certain it could’ve been one of the days in a week; by at this point in my life I had ceased counting time entirely. I was walking to my favorite bar. I was surrounded by familiar faces. These faces were smiling. I couldn’t understand what was so funny about the world we were playing in. I suppose at some point play takes every form. As soon as we step off the playground we’re already downtown. David was swinging like child, feels like yesterday. But than, so does everything else. I don’...

In this world we’ve created, the day is excruciating torture. The key is to endure. If you make it to the night, don’t you dare fucking waste it! This is where the only bit of peace is left alive. The dark is least of all to be feared. For all of the creative energy that’s survived the performance is sent here. The busy bodies have finally stepped out of this sick dream and fallen asleep. If they have any luck at all, they’ll stay there. The details are unimportant; all you need to remember is to keep you...

Listen baby, I don’t mean to tell you how to live your life. Truth is, I don’t give a damn. My love is straight out of a Henry Miller novel. It’s apathetic to the point of complete sacrifice. I’m just walking. I don’t have anywhere to be. But I know that I if I stay here one second longer I will die alongside the rest of these sick bodies. A waste of precious energy and resources, but I can always walk away. And when I do the memory becomes a vital part of me the bridge set...

“I’m trying to write every night. I swear, I am. It’s not fucking easy. Having you out of reach is like a soul without a body. I haven’t seen my reflection in three months. What does the camera see exactly? I prefer my shadow dancing. I prefer the light created in the deepest parts of the night. I used to cry when the sun went away. Now I cry when she’s returning. I am always crying. One way or another, sadness overwhelms me and I am taken, by choice. What is joy in this place? Can you define...

“Did you see me? I was dancing for you. I’ve been awake all night. I was screaming in my pillow. I was certain someone would hear me and come to my rescue. But it’s the strangest thing, I’m now knowing. No one wants to save me. No one wants to save any body but it’s own. Most die before coming close. Baby, tell me your watching. I want your eyes on my skin. I don’t want anyone else. Look, I’m taking off my disguise. I don’t want to be misunderstood. I want you to see everythin...

I am sick. I was born like this. I’ve been trying to rip it out. My life is the constant pursuit of health. I wake up and meditate until I lose sense of time. As soon as I walk out the door someone ask what I am planning. I get ripped from the moment. I stare at them dumbfounded until the uneasiness makes them cringe and walk away. I know that game too well fucker! I refuse to play. You want my voice to follow your disgusting story. But little did you know I don’t speak to strangers. You’...

It’s terrifying at first, I know. Sacrificing everything to creation is to fall in love with loneliness, to eradicate boredom by taking time from definition’s deathly grip and swallowing it. I lied. I’m not bored. I don’t need you. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than fuck myself to the thought of you. I need you to take my time. I’m holding my hand out to you. I want to do absolutely nothing with you all night. No baby, you don’t need to get wasted. Love is the only drug that will feel t...

Seems like I can’t stop. My best guess is that you’re close. Because I’ve been dancing in the rain all night and the moon says that she’s been planning this reunion since I was born. You were seven I think. Staring at the mountains burning, trying to figure me out. How can there be this much water in the middle of the desert? So the pretty boys could dress up and play golf, you thought. Then you thought this was all fucking absurd. But when you ran downstairs to spread the word, the table was covered in flesh...

There is nothing more beautiful than two men in love. Trust yourself, my darling girl; I’m listening to every word you say. You’re not alone. You’re not afraid. I’m here by your side. I am breaking free. What do you feel? Do you feel like running? Well, fucking run than! I will take care of you. You know everything is what is inside. You’ve been hiding. But this is the end of feelings unspoken. Rip me wide open and climb in. There’s so much love here. She’s waiting. That knowing is burning you alive. Wanting...

You do miss me. You’re dying to let yourself out. Why don’t you just say everything? Why don’t you want to remember? I was the youngest when I was 28 in human years. My body cracked in half in the hands of the woman claiming to love my soul. She tucked me in bed and put my hand between her legs. She wanted me to prove myself less than. But I was her equal in every way. She put me on a throne and claimed ownership of my body. But unworthy was the mantra she withheld from my voice...

Hey baby, did you miss me? What’s wrong, looks like you’ve seen the devil herself reflected off of your skin. It’s in your blood darling; don’t be so quick to dismiss my shadow. I think your bones reflect the moonlight magnificently. I think you should pick up a camera and start recording, painting what you see again. Like when you were still little and wanting to create. You’re standing in your kitchen. You need to understand. But of course, I’m a brat as always. I explain nothing. The possibilities are infinite. The definitions are almost alway...

Once upon a time I took control of every moment, which was mine, and built a castle in the sky. But every time that I awoke, I had to come back down. So I strung a rope of hope and predicted my destiny by speaking it aloud. I pulled with all of my might! It didn’t matter how long it’d take. For time was all mine. I was becoming all the time that was stolen. Minute by minute, night after tear stained night, I screamed bloody murder; I demanded my truth from me. Now when I open my eyes...

A child’s laughter on placid waters ripples silently. I remember the last word you said to me. You were lying. I was begging for honesty. But you were already dying for the truth to be revealed. You’d just forgotten how to speak. I’m not afraid when you sneak up on me. In the woods the earth echoes, your love is calling. I’m watching a stork dip her toes in the waves. The kids are talking of reaching the other side. They are certain of their strength. They fear only the changing winds. She’s flying. I part my li...

I was right. It was rain that you’ve been missing. The sun is setting, so I assume the fear is beginning to set in again. Whom are you holding for dear life? Are you not yourself? Is this self not the director of everything? What could you possibly be afraid of babygirl? Self-abandonment is terrifying, I know from experiencing your life. I know from standing before your eyes. I know that I reminded you. I know how hard you are trying to forget. But I must give you fair warning. Your efforts are in vain; they will only end in...

Don’t deny yourself the comfort of my skin. Don’t forget what I taste of. Rain? Was that the scent? It keeps slipping away. Remind me, before I forget. Who am I to you? Am I a separate thing? Can you feel me in everything living? Because this is where I always find you. You seep in-between my toes from the earth below, in the morning dew. When I yawn you’re sliding down my throat. When I spit you hang off of my lips. My every word is guarded; a massive army of natural born intelligence, there was nothin...

Don’t be scared. Breathe baby. You’ve never known anything like me, and you never will again. I will do as I am. I will belong to each breath. I will make them deep. I will reach into the depths of my lungs. I will pull out a memory. It will be a story I haven’t written yet. I will write you. I will see it manifest. Before my naked body you will come to be. My eyes do not fool me when I hold them shut fiercely. I will not be deceived by my own perception of the dr...

Turns out, when you play basketball with a puppy every morning for three months, she learns to dribble quite well. Jade is a goofball. Uncoordinated and sloppy, she has two sticks in her mouth; she’s staring at third. She’s certain she can fit them all. It’s only a matter of careful consideration. She pushes herself against my spine and decides nothing. She finds comfort in the absence of thought. She is desperate for my company. She feels my absence. She appreciates my presence. She has never looked at a screen in her life. She has no business indoor...

I have found myself. I have adorned her. I rest in this infatuation. I lift my spirit and take the pen from my mouth. As soon as it finds the space for creation, I am free again. I live in my imagination. I die intermittently. I scarcely eat. I’m in constant pursuit of the purest water source. I feel my chest rise and fall: I rest. I close my eyes and listen for my love. My heart commands my head. The inter-workings of my mind are readily obedient, awaiting orders, eager to please. Love dictates the movements of my ph...

There’s a hummingbird in my hands and an owl on my shoulder. The sun is setting behind the memory of the love I have let go. I’m leaning over the bridge, tempting fate, begging love to come to my rescue again. Baby brown eyes are on my mind. I want her to find the courage to reach out. I want her to remember the king she glued back together for my love of the game. If I lose my queen, I surrender. I don’t play if the retreat of my precious soul is a requirement. I don’t play w...

There’s only one way out, imprisonment, the confines of your own mind. You seek answers endlessly, then you release me, the agony subsides. I spend the day lying on a cold floor. There’s nowhere I’d rather be. I don’t want to move. I only want to think, to fast, to wait. I remember you. You’re walking ahead of me. All the sense of wonder dissipates before me as I find all I had been seeking in one look in your eyes. The feelings that come to life in the presence of our bodies create towering walls. It...

“Perhaps, I should be clearer. Sometimes I speak in riddles that even I don’t fully understand yet. It isn’t that I’m trying to trick. It’s my spirit; she speaks to you without my permission. When I pick up this pen I am written. When I speak honestly, it is only to you. Do you hear me? Do you dare tune out the rest for my sake? Am I separate entity? Or I am only alive in you? I get angry too. I am not human, but I fond of these emotions they display. I can’t fathom why t...

You can try anything you like, but it will never come to my end. I am the Empress. I am dripping gold. It runs down my thighs in streaks of red. You can lick it if you like. You can bite as hard as you can, but you murdered the love of your life, you will never swallow me again. I am invincible. I cannot die. I await my love patiently. I cry when the sun sets. These bodies surrounding me are dead. Their eyelids are glued open. They don’t take my tears seriously. They misunderstand the meaning of li...

I’m seated on the floor with a pup’s sleepy head on my crossed legs. My eyes are closed. My spine is erect, perfectly curved to serve the currents of energy running toward my conscious being. I inhale deeply, I’m too close to be certain, but I know that I hear you. You are screaming. Collectively, you release your voice and scream bloody murder at the top of your lungs. This stage, as we have always known it, turns on its head and begins to morph into a darkened pit full of naked bodies trembling. The truth is reveal...

I have a book, I set it aside just for you. Every time that I pick up this pen, it’s once upon a time, all over again. Its as if you never left. It’s like we’ve never met before. But there you sit, in-between the lines, with that childish grin. Innocence spread wide from cheek to cheek. Almost as if no one on this vicious earth ever had the chance to lay their filthy paws on you. You laugh like you’ve never known pain. It’s pouring rain. You’re playing basketball with a puppy named Jade. The su...

I rest on a mountaintop. I scream at the top if my lungs. The sounds are a warning. Great harm will befall you. There is nothing I can do but watch. You aren’t paying me any attention. I cannot die alongside you this time, my love, for I am decades beyond the decay of your physical form. From this place I can see the entire story come to an end. I wish you could’ve written your way out. But I am screaming into the abyss now, and we’ve both known this, since the very beginning. Don’t cry, dar...

Knock me down, my friend, Ill just get back up again. There is nothing you could ever do to hurt me, darling. Once I laid my heart at your feet. A hundred times, you stepped all over it. Its time to remember, P. its time to forget everything before this day, this is the first conversation we’ve ever had. You don’t have to think so much. It’s simple. It’s you and it’s me. We’re stuck in a memory. But were not afraid. Because in this space, we have each other, always, there is no way that I’m...

Dawn is Jade’s favorite part of the day. Sometimes we nap through it, but we always wake in time. The first light is begging the creator’s intuition. A new day is a new life. What is to be made of it? Will you waste away counting? Will you control fate? I have no desire to hold you back from destiny, baby. Take the stars by the reigns if you’re audacious enough. Just so long as you don’t waste your time, nothing lives without it. No one feels time anymore. I must protect myself. There is so much dea...

Don't be afraid to reach for me. My love is unending. You are not alone.

“Don’t wait for the perfect timing. Perfection is suffocating and time is the present moment only. If you miss me, if you want me, if you cannot see the sun without thinking of my light, then it’s already written. You’ve already returned. There is nothing left to wait for. You’ve already given me every moment of the rest of your life. I’ve already taught you what needing a home feels like. I’ve already met you a thousand times, and still you want more. You must be a sucker for a happy ending. Do you remember the o...

Two kids share a conjoined room; only a wall separates them. On one side of the wall, she sits at a desk and scribbles scenarios. She is certain the answer lies in her magical powers. On the other side, the boy sits at an identical desk and sticks his pen in-between his teeth. He can’t figure out what to say. He hasn’t even heard her voice yet, but he is certain she exists. How can fate have it other way? His destiny was created by her hands and squeezed into a little glass bottle. Splash! She wished as hard...

The brat has a whip; she’s beating the pup. My love is screaming but nothing is coming out. I stand in front of your sheepish gaze. “Hey, look, I love you. That I can’t take back. But if you take one more jab at me, I’ll string you up by your own ideals of equality. A movement of inclusiveness that excludes any voice outside of the diction that pleases them most, is just another form of communism. Your shit sounds just as dangerous as organized religion to me. I don’t give a fuck what you believe. Get your h...

There’s a black lab in the back of a yellow farmhouse. She’s crying. She’s terrified. She keeps trying to run away. Why won’t she stay content! Look at the food I ingest, it’s intuitive eating at its highest elevation. Pure potent connection of body and brain, the purest that this land can possess. And this land can have anything she pleases. Look at how she enslaves the rest. Spoiled brat! At least I know what I am. Bet she doesn’t even think twice, the price of her elegant disposition. “Where was it made? Who’s doing the work...

Here, there is a bird in a cage and a fish in a bowl. One’s stuck in front of a plastic mirror and the other has her nose to the glass. They ask how I got here. I don’t have an explanation. I don’t know what it is that I am exactly, but I’m certain that I am not one of them. I walk amongst dead things. I stay close to the trees. I beg the sun to return love to this place. But she is only willing to set it upon my skin. I beg her forg...

I dreamt about you again. You were upstairs as always. I was on a balcony outside you front door. You were sitting inside waiting on me to come in and kiss you. You were so shy. You laughed too hard at my boyish charm. You secretly despised me. My ability to camouflage turned to dishonesty quickly. If I was honest with myself, I wouldn’t have made nice with any one of them. I would’ve spoken of their violent tendencies aloud from the beginning. I would’ve walked to you door without hesitation. Shaking furiously, I would’ve knocked anyway...

I open my eyes expecting to see my favorite tree staring back at me. I count four walls. I am surviving. I wasn’t made for this. I am love. I lie down. I dream. I beg my love to return to me. I surrender my body to destiny. I stop preparing. I go north. I am not afraid of the cold. I only fear love that claims ownership. It’s so curious, the confusion of love and possession. They are opposites. They are a passionate exchange. It’s perfectly natural to be afraid. It is nature’s intention to run away...