Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

Today we're diving into the world of OCD, specifically relationship OCD, with Sheva Rajaee.

Sheva is a licensed marriage and family therapist, director of The Center for Anxiety and OCD, and the author of the book Relationship OCD. She is globally recognized for her work treating and addressing chronic doubt, commitment phobia, and anxiety in romantic relationships.

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Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

We've got another Q&A episode this week, and this time we're answering two listener questions about sexual health and STI protocol among non-monogamous partners. Generally speaking, non-monogamous folks have better communication around safer sex and STI risk, but sometimes communication breakdowns happen and that's what we're covering today!

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EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Today we're diving into the internet's favorite genre of relationship advice: open up your relationship in X easy steps! We spent time gathering advice and tips from journalists, therapists, forums, coaches, and Reddit to try to gather some common knowledge and put it together into our own version of a guide to open up a relationship.

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EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with th...

Hey everyone, we’re taking this week off!

Here's where you can find us (or a version of us) while we're away:

Hang out in our private Discord community → multiamory.com/join

Join Dedeker on retreat in Italy → multiamory.com/retreat

Work with Emily — she has a few open slots for coaching clients right now. Reach out to grab one at multiamory.link/emcoaching

We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you soon!

Whatever you want to learn, MasterCl...

Today we're diving into the science of flirting! Nowadays, flirting feels harder than it used to be, and we're going to be bringing some of the research to light about why that is. Flirting isn't a lost art, it's actually an invisible one - we only pick up on someone flirting with us about 28% of the time. We're going to discuss what a "no" looks like, why mirroring and the concept of a gaydar doesn't actually hold up, and what actually DOES help, according to the research.

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Today we're tackling another listener question about intimacy that doesn't involve sex. Whether it's a physical reason or just a desire to be intimate without having sex, we all want to connect this way sometimes. We're going to talk about some techniques from sex therapy, the science of great sex, and why non-sexual touch can be so beneficial.

If you want to have one of your questions answered on a future Q&A episode, consider joining our Supercast community!

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We're excited to welcome Orit Krug back to the show to talk about anxious attachment from a somatic perspective! We'll be discussing relationship anxiety, the research there is on body-based intervention, and a demo on what addressing these anxieties looks like.

Find more about Orit and her work on her website, follow her on Instagram, access free somatic meditations there, and visit multiamory.com/retreat to learn more about the somatic retreat in Italy that Orit and Dedeker will be co-hosting in September 2026!

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This week we're hearing from some of our listeners. We recently polled listeners and asked you all to tell us what the hardest, complicated, messy parts of non-monogamy are, as well as the reasons why you wouldn't trade it for anything. We're going to hear from a few listeners about their struggles and joys, and answer the questions ourselves.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose su...

Join our community and get the companion PDF

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We're talking about money this week, specifically financial gaps in non-monogamous relationships. Money is one of the most fraught topics in any relationship, and in polyamory things can get even more complex. We're going to be discussing some research about why money creates so much friction in relationships and as always, we'll have some actionable takeaways at the end to help you navigate financial differences in your own relationships.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Whatever you want to le...

We're tackling another listener question this week and talking about discomfort and guilt around sex in non-monogamy. Even those of us who have been non-monogamous for a very long time still experience shame and guilt concerning sex with others sometimes. We'll be discussing some personal anecdotes and ways you can tackle these feelings when they come up.

If you want your question answered on a future Q&A episode, consider becoming a Supercast subscriber!

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Today we're revisiting a topic we've covered before...supporting a partner through a breakup. We're going to focus on managing your own emotions and feelings during a loss you're not a part of, particularly if you have mixed feelings about the situation. We'll discuss the science of the matter, understanding your partner's grief, giving them practical support, and some actionable ways to take care of yourself during the situation.

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We're excited to welcome Dr. Nicole Thompson onto the show to talk about her research on relationship anarchy!

Dr. Nicole Thompson (she/her) is a queer Sex and Relationship Therapist, researcher, educator, and host of Modern Anarchy podcast. She is the founder of The Pleasure Practice, where she provides psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy and leads global educational programs on non-monogamy and sexuality. Dr. Nicole published the first research study on Relationship Anarchy and is the author of The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide. Her work explores how pleasure, relationships, and community can support both personal and collective liberation.

Find...

We're excited to share a discussion between Dedeker and Marie Thouin about compersion from a Buddhist perspective.

Dr. Marie Thouin is a leading expert and scholar on compersion in consensual non-monogamy and beyond. She authored the first-ever scholarly book on compersion, two pioneering research studies, and the first-ever encyclopedia entry on compersion. Her work has been featured in several academic conferences, workshops, magazines, and podcasts.

Marie is also a mindful dating & relationship coach who supports people of all ages, genders, and sexual/relationship orientations to create vibrant and intentional love lives—including folks navigating non-monogamy and/or...

Today we're tackling another listener question from one of our Supercast subscribers!

How do you discern what's a "you" problem versus a problem you should bring up with a partner? We're going to talk about the research on self-disclosure as well as some frameworks and tools to help you tell the difference.

If you want a question of yours answered on a future Q&A episode, consider becoming part of our Supercast community at www.multiamory.com/join.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group vi...

Today we're diving into the topic of long distance relationships! Are they worth having? What does the research say? We'll be discussing all of this and sharing some ways to evaluate whether or not a long distance relationship is best for you. We'll also be going into what makes them so hard, some specific non-monogamous pitfalls, and what makes them actually work better than some people expect.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

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Today we're excited to be joined by Dr. Paul Eastwick to talk about humor and the part it plays in attraction.

Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and the author of the book "Bonded by Evolution" that offers an exciting new look at the science of attraction and compatibility.

Along with Eli Finkel, he hosts the podcast Love Factually where they analyze rom-coms and romantic dramas from the perspective of relationship science.

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Have you ever tested a partner? Found yourself engineering a situation, dropping a hint, waiting for them to text first, all so you can see if they're as committed to you as you are to them? Uncertainty is hard in relationships, and if we don't feel safe enough to ask directly, we sometimes test our partners in ways that are sneaky, manipulative, and frankly, exhausting for everyone involved.

This week, we're discussing why the urge to test a partner is actually quite normal, going over what research says about the different kinds of tests people use and what...

This week we're sharing another Q&A episode! We'll be discussing a listener question from one of our Supercast subscribers. Today we're chatting about how to know when you're polysaturated versus feeling restless in a way that signals you need something new.

Want to have your question answered on a future Q&A episode? Visit www.multiamory.com/join to become a Supercast subscriber!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

We're back and refreshed after a week off, and for this week's episode, we're talking about getting back together with an ex. We'll be discussing some personal stories and reasons why we feel the urge to get back together with past partners.

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Whatever you want to learn, MasterClass has something for you, taught by experts in their fields. Support the show and get an exclusive 15% offer at multiamory.link/masterclass.

Skillshare is an online learning community with thousands of classes for creators. Everything from graphic design and video editing to photography, writing, and business. Get a free month of Skilllshare at multiamory.link/skillshare.

Multiamory was created...

Have you ever felt the "Ick"? Maybe you were in the beginning stages of a relationship and still evaluating if you're attracted to someone, getting to know them, and maybe, just maybe, one day you feel the Ick.

Or maybe this is common for you; you get turned off by someone early on in a relationship and it's starting to feel like your standards are too high or like you can't find anyone you're into. This episode, we're diving into the scientific reasons we sometimes feel the Ick, sharing some personal stories, and how to work with your...

Today we're going back to our roots and discussing communication again! We're diving into direct and indirect communication during this episode, and talking about high context versus low context communication, the cultural and neurological differences that various types of communication show up in, and more.

Direct communication is often hailed as the "better" form of communication, but we'll explore in this episode why that might not always be the case, and how to bridge the gap when different communication styles clash.

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This week we're answering a question from a listener in another Q&A episode. We're going to be diving into feeling like you're never a priority for your partner, and what to do when you're kept a secret from friends and family.

If you'd like a question of yours answered on a future Q&A episode, visit multiamory.com/questions.

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Today we're covering a topic that causes a lot of friction in a lot of relationships: scheduling. Sometimes, coordinating time with people we love - whether it's family, partners, or friends - feels impossible. And it turns out, it actually is impossible to do perfectly. We're going to be delving into why scheduling feels so terrible, some of the research that reveals what happens when couples share their calendars, and of course, some actionable ways to make calendaring more tolerable in the future.

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Today we're excited to be sharing an episode with Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick of the Love Factually podcast! We're critiquing Vicky Cristina Barcelona's portrayal of non-monogamy and discussing the film as a whole.

Eli Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He also serves as a founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement and as the Morton O. Schapiro Fellow at the Institute for Policy Research. His research topics range from marriage to political partisanship. He is the author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage...

Today we're talking about milestones in relationships, and how to build commitment when you're actively trying not to stay on the relationship escalator. We'll be discussing traditional milestones, why they're valued, how relationship milestones with one partner can affect other partners, and some of the research around jealousy and envy in these situations. We will also dive into some non-escalator milestones that you can consider for non-monogamous, escalator-free relationships, and going into the takeaways from the discussion at the end of the episode!

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Today we're diving into a question from one of our listeners about partners who recently left monogamy and are still adjusting to stepping off of the relationship escalator.

If you want one of your questions answered on a future Q&A episode, consider becoming a Supercast subscriber!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Whatever you want to learn, MasterClass has something for you, taught by experts in their fields. Support the show and get an exclusive 15% offer at...

This week we're featuring an episode from our friends Emma and Fin at Normalizing Non-Monogamy with guests Gary Ware and our own Jase Lindgren! Emma, Fin, Gary, and Jase talk about play during this interview, how important it is for our health and wellbeing, and how to frame play as resistance in times of geopolitical upheaval.

Be sure to check out Normalizing Non-Monogamy's other episodes and take a look at Breakthrough Play at https://www.breakthroughplay.com/ to learn more about Gary.

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Today we're tackling a concept that's on a lot of people's minds lately: burnout. Specifically, we'll be discussing dating burnout and fatigue, which seem to be rife on social media, dating apps, articles, what have you. We'll be diving into what the data says about the increase in dating apps, how it's creating fatigue across the dating community, and whether meeting online or organically is better. Lastly, we'll be deciding if we're doomed when it comes to dating, or are there actionable takeaways we can use to improve our dating experiences?

The research used in this episode can...

Today we're talking about time, both quality and quantity of it, and what to do if you and your partner end up clashing over it. We're going to discuss some research about shared time together as well as some of the different types of time you could be lacking in your relationship. Whether you're dating someone busy or you're the one who struggles finding time for a partner, we'll have actionable tips about what to do and not do when having conflicts about time together.

Here's a handy PDF Guide for this episode: Episode 568 PDF Companion: What Type...

Today we're answering a question about toxic individuality, inspired by a post about not being able to share certain things with a partner. We'll touch on the idea of how much is too much information to share with partners about each other, managing compulsory non-monogamous baggage, and more.

If you want a question answered on a future episode, consider joining our Supercast community at www.multiamory.com/join.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Whatever you want to...

Today we're diving into one of our favorite things - data! We're excited to welcome Sy Dusk and Alexandra Kilpatrick from Feeld. Sy is a data analyst and Alexandra is the head of UX research at Feeld, and both of them helped analyze our co-sponsored research survey on non-monogamy (find the study here: http://multiamory.com/study). We'll be exploring what the data says about how non-monogamous folks date, what labels mean or don't mean, how polycules are configured, and some of the challenges facing our community.

Find Feeld's data blog here: https://feeld.co/uncharted-territory/open-invitation-understanding-polyamorous-and-ethically-non-monogamous-daters
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Today we're excited to be joined by Brett Chamberlin and Dr. Amy Moors to discuss the recent results of the largest non-monogamy survey done to date.

Brett Chamberlin (he/him) is the Founder & Executive Director of OPEN, a grassroots nonprofit advancing legal rights and cultural acceptance for non-monogamy. Under his leadership, OPEN has passed landmark non-discrimination protections in multiple cities and established itself as a leading voice in the rapidly growing movement for relationship freedom.

A repeat nonprofit founder with over a decade of movement-building experience, Brett has led global grassroots campaigns reaching millions, including for...

Today we're tackling a listener question from one of our Supercast supporters. We'll be discussing in depth how to help regulate yourself when your partner goes on dates, even if you have a solid self care plan in place.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Whatever you want to learn, MasterClass has something for you, taught by experts in their fields. Support the show and get an exclusive 15% offer at ⁠multiamory.link/masterclass⁠

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This week, we're sharing a remastered version of an episode that aired back in 2023. This is the episode to share with parents, family, or other loved ones when you've come out as non-monogamous to them.

For those who've had a loved one come out recently as non-monogamous, polyamorous, or relationship anarchist, this episode is for you! Maybe you’re feeling confused. Maybe you’re feeling scared for their well being. Maybe you’ve never even heard the term polyamorous or non-monogamous until this very moment! Today we are going to be going back to the basics for all you ou...

We're excited to invite Stacey McLarty to the show as our guest today!

Stacey is a Texas attorney who supports individuals and chosen families through affirming, wholistic legal services. She combines two decades of legal experience with her own lived experience in the non-monogamy, kink, and burner communities. She regularly leads workshops on legal and relationship topics and is currently writing legal guides for non-monogamous and kinky folks. Stacey serves on the board of OPEN—the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy—advocating for visibility and legal recognition. Her practice reflects her belief that all consenting adults deserve the...

Happy New Year to you all! For our first episode of the new year, we bring you our hot new take with much wizer eyes on an older episode from back in 2016 about five mistakes newbies make in polyamory.

Get the accompanying PDF on Supercast here: 561 Companion PDF

Our initial list of newbie mistakes focused more on structural things, while responses from listeners on our recent Instagram story showed a deeper emphasis on internal work, communication nuances, and the psychological aspects of polyamory.

Based on this input, we've put together a new list of...

Today we're tackling two listener questions about being solo polyamorous and wanting a more entangled or anchored relationships, either with existing partners or while seeking such a relationship. We'll talk about the feasibility of escalating existing partnerships, as well as making time for deeper, more entwined relationships while still spending time with existing partners.

If you want your question answered on a future Q&A episode, consider joining our Supercast community!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Wh...

We're covering the topic of loneliness in today's episode. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness a public health crisis, and the physical health risks associated with loneliness are indeed staggering. We're going to dive into why loneliness seems to be at an all time high, pick apart some nuance regarding gender, age, and loneliness, and in the third part of the episode, go over some actionable tools on how to tackle loneliness. We'll talk about rewiring the brain, cultivating solitude, and how to become a social architect.

Sources and news articles referenced in this episode can...