Sex and Psychology Podcast

BDSM has become increasingly visible in popular culture, but how much do people really understand about dominance and submission? Being dominant doesn't necessarily mean being aggressive or controlling, just as being submissive doesn't mean being weak or powerless. In fact, healthy power exchange often looks very different from what we see in the media. In this episode, we're separating fact from fiction and exploring the real psychology of kink.

My guest is Shelby Devlin, a sex and intimacy coach, educator, and author specializing in BDSM, kink, and fetish. With over twenty years of experience in the BDSM...

For something that so many of us enjoy doing, sex can be surprisingly difficult to talk about. We might feel comfortable getting naked with a partner but struggle to tell them what we want, what we don't enjoy, or how we're really feeling. And when we avoid these conversations, it can lay the basis for misunderstanding and conflict, while also limiting opportunities for mutual pleasure. In this episode, we're exploring why sexual communication can feel so vulnerable, as well as how to become someone your partner feels safe opening up to.

I am joined once again by...

Most of us spend years learning about sex before we ever have it. We absorb messages from our families, friends, schools, pornography, and popular culture about what sex is supposed to look like and how we're supposed to behave. But what if some of those lessons are actually setting us up for disappointment? What if the way we're taught about sex is making it harder to have healthy, pleasurable, and satisfying relationships?

My guest is Shafia Zaloom, a health educator, consultant, and author whose work centers on human development, community building, ethics and social justice. She is...

A lot of men feel pressure to perform in the bedroom. They worry about getting and maintaining erections, lasting long enough, and satisfying their partners. But these concerns can sometimes get in the way of the very thing they're trying to achieve, which is a pleasurable and satisfying sex life. So what does it actually mean to be good at sex? In this episode, we're going to explore practical, science-based strategies for maintaining an active and satisfying sex life as you age.

I am joined once again by Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist, pelvic surgeon, and...

When we talk about men's sexual health, the conversation often revolves around things like erections, testosterone, and sexual performance. But there's so much more to sexual health than what happens in the bedroom. In this episode, we're going to explore the science of men's sexual health and the essential habits that can help support a healthier, more satisfying sex life.

My guest is Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist, pelvic surgeon, and sexual health expert whose educational videos have received over half a billion views. She is author of the new book, The Hard Truth, which answers...

When couples open their relationships, one of the first things they often do is establish a set of rules. But do those rules actually make non-monogamous relationships healthier and more secure? Or can they create more problems than they solve? In this episode, we’ll explore why polyamorous people create relationship rules, when those rules can become restrictive or controlling, and whether they’re even necessary in the first place.

I am joined once again by Eve Rickert, the co-author of The New More Than Two: A Philosophical Reimagining of the Classic Nonmonogamy Guide. She is also auth...

Polyamory is sometimes described as a more “evolved” approach to relationships, built around radical honesty, open communication, and personal autonomy. This can create the impression that polyamorous relationships are somehow immune to the problems that plague other relationships. But the reality is that non-monogamous relationships can become unhealthy, toxic, and even abusive, just like any other relationship. And that's what we're exploring in today's episode.

My guest is Eve Rickert, the co-author of The New More Than Two: A Philosophical Reimagining of the Classic Nonmonogamy Guide. She is also author of Nonmonogamy and Betrayal, curator of the More...

Disclosing a fetish to a partner can feel incredibly vulnerable. You might worry about being judged, rejected, or misunderstood. But keeping your desires hidden can create challenges, too. So when and how should you bring up a fetish? And what happens if your partner doesn't share your interests? In this episode, we’ll explore how to navigate fetish disclosure, respond when a partner opens up to you, and manage differences in sexual desires.

I am joined once again by Niki Davis-Fainbloom, a New York- and New Orleans-based sex educator, writer, researcher, and coach. She has facilitated hundreds of...

Why are some people sexually aroused by things like balloons, orthopedic casts, or even sneezing—things that most people don’t see as sexual at all? Fetishes can develop around an astonishing range of objects, body parts, and sensations. In this episode, we’re going to explore the psychology behind fetishes. We’ll talk about what it actually means to have a fetish, clear up some common misconceptions, and look at different theories for how fetishes develop.

My guest is Niki Davis-Fainbloom, a New York- and New Orleans-based sex educator, writer, researcher, and coach. She has facilitated hundreds...

What happens after an intense sexual experience can be just as important as what happens during it. In the kink world, this is where “aftercare” comes in. But aftercare is about much more than cuddling, and it isn’t just for submissive partners. In this episode, we’ll explore what good aftercare looks like, how it can make kink even hotter, and how everyone can benefit from it whether they're kinky or not.

I am joined once again by Midori, an internationally recognized sexologist, kink educator, and author with over 30 years of experience in the field. She is the fou...

Talking during sex can be incredibly hot. But for a lot of people, it can also feel awkward, intimidating, or embarrassing. The good news is that sexy talk is a skill you can learn, and it’s about much more than just working up the nerve to say explicit words. In fact, what you say may matter less than how you say it. In this episode, we’re going to explore how to find your own authentic sexy talk style, move past inhibitions, use your voice to build arousal and anticipation, and make conversations about desire feel sexy.

My...

For some people, relationships can bring a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. They might question whether their partner really loves them, become highly sensitive to signs of rejection or distance, or constantly seek reassurance. But where does this anxiety come from, and what can we do about it? In this episode, we’re exploring why some people are especially sensitive to disconnection, how anxiety shapes communication and conflict, and how to feel more secure in your relationships.

I am joined once again by Diane Poole Heller, PhD, an expert in attachment theory, trauma resolution, and integrative healing te...

When relationships start to feel too close, some people instinctively pull away. They might shut down emotionally, avoid difficult conversations, crave more space, or convince themselves they’re better off on their own. But where does this tendency come from, and what is it protecting us from? In this episode, we’re taking a deep dive into attachment avoidance. We’ll explore why some people become uncomfortable with closeness, the subtle ways avoidance can show up, and more.

My guest is Diane Poole Heller, PhD, an expert in attachment theory, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. She create...

What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy? In this episode, we're revisiting an important conversation from the archives that dives into five questions that come up over and over again. We’re also going to address when you should consider seeing out professional help for a sex problem and explore a few tips for maintaining happy, healthy, and exciting sex lives for the long haul.

My guest is Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. She holds a Master’s of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from...

Your brain really is your biggest sex organ. And if you want to have more (and better) sex, getting into the right headspace can make all the difference. The problem is that many of us have a hard time getting there. So how can we quiet the mental noise and become more present during sex? In this episode, we’re revisiting a classic episode from the archives on how changing your mindset can change your sex life for the better.

My guest is Dr. Kelly Casperson, a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering wo...

We often assume that people in the past were far more sexually conservative than we are today, and that things like sex toys, pornography, and masturbation are largely modern phenomena. But when you dig into the history of sex, you quickly discover that human beings have been remarkably creative in their pursuit of pleasure for a very long time. In this episode, we’re going to explore some of the strangest and most surprising chapters in the history of sex.

I am joined once again by Dr. Kate Lister, a historian specializing in the history of sex and...

Shows like Bridgerton invite us to imagine the past as a time of elaborate courtship, forbidden desire, and passionate romance. But was the past really as sexy as we like to think it was? In today’s show, we’re going to separate fact from fantasy when it comes to sex in the Bridgerton era and discuss what dating, courtship, marriage, and sexual relationships actually looked like at the time.

My guest is Dr. Kate Lister, a historian specializing in the history of sex and sexuality. She is host of the award-winning History Hit podcast Betwixt the Shee...

For many neurodivergent people, BDSM offers something conventional sexual practices often don’t, including clear communication, explicit expectations, structure, and the freedom to tailor experiences to their own needs. In this episode, we’re going to explore why people with ADHD, autism, and other forms of neurodivergence are often drawn to kink, as well as tips on making sex work with your brain instead of against it.

I am joined once again by Rebecca Blanton (AKA Auntie Vice,) a writer and kink educator. She runs the award-winning blog LoveLettersToAUnicorn.com and has published several books, including The Big Wor...

BDSM can be a powerful source of pleasure, connection, and self-expression. But when mental health challenges enter the picture, they can also raise important questions about consent, communication, triggers, and emotional safety. So how can people navigate kink in ways that support their mental health rather than undermine it?

My guest is Rebecca Blanton (AKA Auntie Vice,) a writer and kink educator. She runs the award-winning blog LoveLettersToAUnicorn.com and has published several books, including The Big Workbook for Submissives, a finalist for the 2018 Golden Flogger Award. She is also author of the forthcoming book, Kinky & Curious...

For some couples, swinging can be a way to bring novelty, excitement, and sexual exploration into their relationship. But opening the door to new experiences can also bring new challenges, from jealousy and boundary-setting to navigating differences in what each partner wants. So why do couples decide to swing, what does it actually look like in practice, and what separates a positive experience from one that creates conflict? In this episode, we’re taking a deep dive into swinging and what it takes to make it work.

I am joined once again by Dr. Stephanie Sigler, a li...

Jealousy is one of the most complicated—and misunderstood—emotions we experience in intimate relationships. We tend to think of jealousy as inherently unhealthy, something we should suppress, overcome, or eliminate altogether. But what if jealousy itself isn’t actually the problem? In this episode, we explore what jealousy is really trying to tell us, why attempts to get rid of it can sometimes backfire, and how we can learn to respond to it in healthier ways.

My guest is Dr. Stephanie Sigler, a licensed professional counselor, certified sex therapist, clinical sexologist, author, educator, and founder of Evolve...

Becoming a father doesn’t just change a man’s brain. It can also change his sense of identity, his mental health, and his relationships. Fatherhood can bring profound meaning and connection, but it can also introduce new sources of stress, vulnerability, and conflict that we don’t always talk about. So how does becoming a dad change men psychologically? And what do men stand to gain from being more deeply involved in parenting?

I am joined once again by Darby Saxbe, a clinical psychologist and tenured full professor of psychology at the University of Southern California. She has...

Becoming a parent changes just about every aspect of life. But it doesn’t just change your routines, priorities, and relationships—it can actually change your brain and body. And while we’ve long recognized the profound biological transformation that accompanies motherhood, we’re only beginning to understand what happens to men when they become fathers. So what exactly is a “dad brain?” How does fatherhood reshape the male brain, hormones, and even the body?

My guest is Darby Saxbe, a clinical psychologist and tenured full professor of psychology at the University of Southern California. She has published ov...

Menopause is finally getting the attention it deserves, with growing recognition of its impact on sexual health, relationships, work, and quality of life. At the center of this conversation is hormone therapy, which has been surrounded by fear and confusion since the Women’s Health Initiative study in the early 2000s, which dramatically changed how it was perceived and prescribed. Today, scientists are revisiting that history as a new generation pushes for better information, better care, and greater choice in managing menopause.

My guest is Alicia Rose, an award-winning director and the Founder of Menopunks—a documentary, podc...

What happens when two people in a long-term relationship have dramatically different sex drives? How do couples navigate intimacy when aging or health problems make sex difficult, or even impossible? And why do some people experience a sudden surge in sexual desire after losing a partner, a phenomenon sometimes referred to as “widow’s fire”? In this episode, we're answering more listener sex questions!

My guest is Ashley Weller. She is a Human Sexuality and Health Psychology Professor at Chapman University in Southern California. Ashley also works in mental health clinical research and has more than 15 years of expe...

When we talk about what we want sexually, we usually describe certain behaviors, positions, or roles. But that's only part of the story. Beneath what we want to do is a deeper question: How do we want to feel during sex? Some want to feel adored. Others want to feel powerful, desired, free, or cared for. These emotional experiences reflect our Core Desires, and understanding them can offer a much richer picture of our sexuality than simply cataloging our preferred bedroom activities.

I am joined once again by Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, the co-creators of...

More young adults are delaying their sexual debut, with growing numbers reaching their twenties or even thirties without ever having had sex. At the same time, virginity has become increasingly stigmatized, leaving many people feeling ashamed, isolated, or like they’re falling behind. So what’s driving this shift, and what does it tell us about how sex and dating are changing?

My guests are Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, the co-creators of the Somatica® Method and co-founders of the Somatica Institute, where they have trained coaches around the world in an experiential approach to sex, relat...

Despite how much we hear about ADHD, its impact on our intimate lives is often overlooked. Research suggests that around 40% of adults with ADHD experience at least one form of sexual dysfunction. ADHD can also contribute to frustration, misunderstanding, and conflict in relationships. In today's show, we’re revisiting a classic episode from the archives that takes a closer look at the intersection of ADHD and sex.

My guest is Cate Osborn, a certified sex educator, a mental health advocate, and full-time content creator, with ADHD. As a professional table top role-playing game performer, she is passionate ab...

Traditional sex education often skips topics like the clitoris, orgasm, sexual pain, and vaginal health, leaving many women to figure these things out all on their own. In this episode, we cover the sex advice every woman should know. We’ll discuss how to make sex more pleasurable, what to do about sexual pain and difficulty reaching orgasm, what you need to know about vaginal health and hygiene products, and more.

My guest is Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist and sexuality educator. With over 300 million views and 2 million subscribers, her YouTube channel @RenaMalikMD has become a go-to...

Open relationships, polyamory, and consensual non-monogamy are receiving more attention than ever, yet they’re still surrounded by stereotypes and misconceptions. In her new book, Alyssa Shelasky moves beyond the debate by sharing the real-life stories of people navigating these relationships. In this episode, we explore what draws people to non-monogamy, what these relationships actually look like, and what we can all learn from them.

Alyssa Shelasky writes the New York Magazine column Sex Diaries, which was developed into an HBO docuseries with Shelasky producing and starring. She is the author of Apron Anxiety, This Might Be To...

Most of us only get small glimpses into other people’s sex lives, which can make our own experiences feel more unusual than they really are. But what happens when you spend years hearing the unfiltered truth about people’s desires, insecurities, relationships, and intimate experiences? In this episode, we explore what those stories reveal about modern sex and relationships.

My guest is Alyssa Shelasky. Her popular New York Magazine column, Sex Diaries, is widely considered a cultural phenomenon and was developed into an HBO docuseries with Shelasky producing and starring. She is the author of Apron Anxiety...

In the previous episode, we went behind the scenes of film and television to explore how intimacy coordinators help create authentic, safe, and compelling intimate scenes. But the lessons from this profession extend far beyond Hollywood. In this episode, we’re bringing those lessons into the bedroom to explore how they can help us build healthier, hotter, and more connected sex lives.

I am joined once again by Laura Desiree, the creative director of SNCTM, a private members-only erotic society known for its immersive events that blend live performance, fantasy, intimacy and consent-driven exploration. She is a Le...

Sex scenes have been part of film and television for decades, but the way they’re created has changed dramatically. Today, many productions rely on intimacy coordinators to help choreograph intimate scenes while fostering safety, collaboration, and creativity on set. In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain on this fascinating profession to explore how intimate scenes are actually made.

My guest is Laura Desiree, the creative director of SNCTM, a private members-only erotic society known for its immersive events that blend live performance, fantasy, intimacy and consent-driven exploration. She is a Level II certified intimacy coor...

In the previous episode, we explored why dead bedrooms happen and just how common they are. Today, we’re shifting from understanding the problem to finding solutions, with practical, evidence-based strategies for rebuilding intimacy, navigating desire discrepancies, and improving sexual communication. If you’re hoping to reconnect with your partner, this episode is for you.

I am joined once again by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and certified emotionally focused couples therapist. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns a private practice in Minnesota. She is the co-author of the book...

In long-term relationships, couples sometimes find that their sex life gradually fades away. This might happen after having children, or following a stressful period at work. However, there isn’t always an obvious turning point. In today’s episode, we’re taking a closer look at why dead bedrooms happen, how common they are, and how to know when it’s time to seek help.

My guest is Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a licensed psychologist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and certified emotionally focused couples therapist. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns a private practice in Minnesot...

People are increasingly turning to AI for companionship. But behind every AI companion is a company that owns the technology, collects the data, and programs how these relationship work. So what happens when corporations become intermediaries in our most intimate relationships? In this episode, we’re diving into the ethics, risks, and future of AI intimacy.

I am joined once again by Bridget Todd, an award-winning creator, host, and producer. She hosts the critically acclaimed podcast There Are No Girls on the Internet, and Mozilla’s award-winning podcast IRL: Online Life is Real Life. Bridget is a Techno...

When people hear about someone falling in love with an AI companion, their first reaction is often disbelief. But as AI becomes woven into everyday life, more people are turning to it not just for information, but also for companionship, emotional support, friendship, and even intimacy. So what draws people into these relationships, and what can they teach us about human connection?

My guest is Bridget Todd, an award-winning creator, host, and producer. She hosts the critically acclaimed podcast There Are No Girls on the Internet, and Mozilla’s award-winning podcast IRL: Online Life is Real Life. Brid...

One person sees coercion. Another sees miscommunication. Two people can watch the exact same scene and walk away with completely different interpretations. So why do stories about consent generate so much disagreement? In this episode, we’re exploring what film and television reveal about our cultural understanding of consent.

I am joined once again by Michele Meek, Ph.D. an author, filmmaker, and professor who has published several books including The Ambiguity of Consent: Consent Puzzles in Film, Television, Public Discourse, and the Law and Consent Culture and Teen Films: Adolescent Sexuality in US Movies. She is a tenu...

Is consent alone enough to tell us whether a sexual experience was ethical, healthy, and/or mutually fulfilling? In this episode, we’re exploring the difference between consent and desire, why affirmative consent frameworks sometimes fall short, and what it means to think beyond consent when it comes to sexual ethics.

My guest is Michele Meek, Ph.D. an author, filmmaker, and professor who has published several books including The Ambiguity of Consent: Consent Puzzles in Film, Television, Public Discourse, and the Law and Consent Culture and Teen Films: Adolescent Sexuality in US Movies. She is a tenure...

In this episode, we’re diving into the many ways that people incorporate chastity into their intimate lives. As we’ll discuss, you don’t neccessarily need a partner or even a chastity cage to explore it. We’ll look at the many different roles chastity can play, from solo exploration and relationship dynamics to gender affirmation and self-discipline.

I am joined once again by Paul Botto, the COO of KINK3D. He’s been working in the queer and kink community in San Francisco for the past 10 years, joining KINK3D in 2021 as the company’s first hire.<...