That’s a Bernie

Remember when we were little and thought we had our whole lives figured out? Yeah… how's that working out for everyone? 😂

This week on That's a Bernie!, we're taking a trip down memory lane to discover what we all wanted to be when we grew up — and how spectacularly different reality turned out!

From aspiring vets, footballers and paramedics to unexpected career changes, abandoned qualifications and a rather unfortunate encounter with an angry tanuki (yes, really!), nothing is quite as straightforward as we imagined.

Along the way, we're talking dodgy exes, difficult decisions, regrets...

⚠️ Listener discretion advised: strong opinions ahead. And we mean STRONG.

Jayne with a Y is back, Bernie has once again joined the chaos, and Chris occasionally provides commentary from somewhere in the background — which means this slightly longer episode of That’s a Bernie goes exactly as calmly as you'd expect.

We start innocently enough. Should chocolate go in the fridge? What about eggs? Fruit? Are Pokémon cards a legitimate investment or just expensive bits of cardboard? You know, the important issues facing society.

And then things escalate.

We get into fami...

Jayne with a Y has entered the chat… and Bernie came along for the ride.

This week, we’re joined by our best friend Jayne for her first episode of That’s a Bernie — and there was absolutely no chance this was going to be a quiet catch-up.

We go right back to where it all started: working together at the Manor, first impressions, clashes, questionable management techniques, workplace dramas, and the moments that somehow turned a group of colleagues into something much more like family.

There’s plenty of nostalgia as we remember t...

We all have habits.

Some are good. Some are annoying. And some should probably remain private for the rest of our lives.

Naturally, we're sharing all of them.

This week, we're exposing the good, the bad and the downright ugly habits we live with every day – from the little routines we're secretly proud of to the disgusting things we definitely only do when nobody's watching.

We're deciding which everyday habits are green flags, red flags or absolutely fucking feral, confessing the weird things we thought everybody did and discovering which irritating be...

Get your PE kit, find your homework diary and prepare for a detention, because this week we're going back to SCHOOL.

We're revisiting the teachers we loved, the ones we absolutely couldn't stand and the ones who, looking back, probably shouldn't have been responsible for children in the first place.

There are school dinners to remember (and some we'd rather forget), playground politics, ridiculous rules, PE trauma, embarrassing moments, detentions, questionable punishments and the various things we definitely weren't supposed to be doing.

We also ask what we were actually like as pupils...

he internet has given us instant access to information, connected the entire world and completely transformed modern life.

And we've used it to buy absolute shite.

This week, we're talking Internet Fails – the dodgy purchases, ridiculous trends, questionable life hacks and viral nonsense that somehow convinced millions of perfectly sensible adults to lose all common sense.

We're confessing the things the internet made us buy, from products that looked life-changing online to the crushing disappointment that actually arrived through the letterbox. We revisit some of the bizarre trends we've collectively participated in over th...

We'd love to tell you that this week's episode starts professionally.

It doesn't.

Before we've even properly begun, Bernie and Kirsty spend nearly two minutes completely corpsing, nobody can pull themselves together and any remaining pretence that this is a professionally produced podcast disappears entirely.

Eventually, we manage to talk about dating.

This week we're looking back at first dates, disastrous dates, online dating and the red flags we probably should have paid considerably more attention to. From Tinder and Plenty of Fish to awkward cinema trips, unwanted advances and dates...

You spend months looking forward to a holiday… only to arrive and discover the food is dreadful, the drinks contain approximately three molecules of alcohol and apparently you're not even allowed to eat your snack where you want to.

This week, we're talking holidays – the good, the bad and the ones that make you question why you bothered getting on the plane.

TJ gives his verdict on a recent trip to Majorca, including disappointing all-inclusive food, questionable drinks, hotel rules, buying his own bloody kettle and an unfortunate encounter between his skin and the Spanish suns...

What are the tiny things that make life feel absolutely glorious… and why can someone leaving an empty milk bottle in the fridge completely ruin your day?

This week, we're celebrating life's little luxuries – fresh bedding after a shower, new pyjamas, Christmas Eve, a ridiculously long bath, good coffee, favourite snacks, alone time and all those small pleasures that make us disproportionately happy.

But obviously, this is That's a Bernie, so the wholesome bit doesn't last long.

We move swiftly onto the little things that absolutely boil our piss: shoes NEXT to the shoe...

This week, we're heading back to childhood – when the internet screamed at you before it connected, VHS tapes needed rewinding, knocking on someone's door and running away counted as entertainment, and somehow we all survived without Wi-Fi.

We reminisce about the sweets and snacks we desperately want bringing back, from forgotten chocolate bars to crisps that simply don't taste the same anymore – although Bernie's frankly alarming bedroom "munchy drawer" proves some people have taken their love of snacks considerably further than others.

Then it's toys, TV and technology: Furbies, Micro Machines, Talkboys, Atari, Fun House, The...

his week on That’s a Bernie, TJ’s husband Chris joins TJ, Kelly and Kirsty — and it’s time to find out what married life in the Adamson household is really like.

TJ and Chris take us back to the beginning of their relationship: meeting on Facebook Dating, a little bit of ghosting, moving in together after just ONE WEEK, and eventually pulling off a secret wedding. Because apparently taking things slowly was never an option. 😂

Then it’s time to air the domestic dirty laundry. Shoes left lying around, cleaning habits, annoying eating noises, breat...

This week, TJ's youngest daughter Tia joins TJ, Kelly and Kirsty for another episode of family chaos—and apparently we've all got a lot of icks to get off our chests.

We catch up on birthdays, including Tia's surprise new pet mouse and Kelly's birthday spending spree, before things quickly descend into a debate about everything that gives us the ick. From dirty nails and questionable footwear to pet names like "Daddy" and the absolute horror of spit strings on shared drinks... consider yourself warned.

Things take a more personal turn as we chat about em...

Kelly couldn't make it this week, so naturally we replaced her with the next generation. Taylor and Declan are back, joining TJ and Kirsty for an episode packed with games, questionable revelations and the usual family chaos.

We tackle the apparently controversial subject of Liverpool geography before putting each other to the test with Two Truths and a Lie and some increasingly ridiculous Would You Rather questions—with a slight detour into pagan symbols and religion along the way. Because obviously.

Things get a little more personal when we reveal the songs we'd cho...

This week, our nephew Declan joins us—and somehow manages to drag his dad Steven onto the podcast without Steven actually being there.

Steven claims he doesn't like talking and refuses to come on the pod... which is interesting for a man who always seems to have something to say.

We talk about the brother who declined his right of reply, before getting into the elaborate prank Steven and Declan played on Bernie. The plan was simple: convince her that Steven was making Declan walk home from football practice because he'd played shit.

Be...

This week, TJ's daughter Taylor joins the family—and she's brought evidence.

We delve into the family's slightly unhealthy obsession with their pets, ask the important question of who Taylor would save first in a house fire (her dad or the animals?), and discover just how far we'll go for our four-legged family members.

Then it's time for an intervention.

According to Bernie, TJ has slowly transformed into Hyacinth Bucket—and Taylor and Kelly are ready to prove it. From expensive tastes and airport lounges to questionable standards and outright snobbery, we ask once...

Bernie is back—and this episode goes exactly as well as you'd expect.

We settle the important questions in life: are bigger swimming pools actually better, what's going on with TikTok, and why has TJ apparently declared war on Specsavers?

Things take a more personal turn as TJ talks therapy, anxiety and the complicated reality of empathy, before the family introduces Mark—a serial prankster responsible for swapped labels, upside-down pictures and years of low-level psychological warfare.

Then the wheels come off completely.

The wait is over. This week, we finally meet Bernie—the woman who inspired an entire podcast.

TJ, Kelly and Kirsty are joined by Bernie herself to find out what she really thinks about having a podcast named after her, revisit some classic Bernies and give her the chance to explain the logic behind the things she says.

We put Bernie in the hot seat, dig into family stories, settle a few scores and discover that giving Bernie a microphone may have been our best—or worst—idea yet.

Expect questionable logic, family chaos...

We may have forgotten to switch the proper microphones on... but the laughs were too good to leave on the cutting room floor.

In this episode we debate swearing, dish out some completely unsolicited life advice, and Kirsty accidentally reveals she overheard far more of TJ's private life than anyone ever needed to know...

The sound quality might be a little rough around the edges, but we promise it's worth sticking with.

Sometimes the biggest Bernie happens before you even hit record.

Welcome to That's a Bernie – the podcast inspired by one unforgettable mum and the wonderfully bizarre things she says.

In our very first episode, meet brother and sister TJ and Kelly, alongside Kelly's wife Kirsty, as they explain where "That's a Bernie" came from, share some of Bernie's greatest hits, relive the family chaos they grew up with and officially crown the first Certified Bernie.

Because every family has someone who leaves you wondering... how did that sentence even make sense?