Ben Balderson ran out of blood four times. He's still here. His assessment: "Dying's weird." 
Meanwhile, in the opening minutes, a marmot has taken control of Donald Trump's thoughts. The marmot loves mayonnaise. Nobody is sure why. Nobody asks. Egg on the marmot's face. 
Welcome back Sean S.B. Alger, joining from an industrial knife factory in Idaho, where he now has something almost as unfamiliar as a second chance at life: health insurance. 
Andre the Giant cracks the paint on a wrestler's mask with one outstretched fist. Macho Man Randy Savage takes a size-thirteen boot to the...

Vote Harder, Charlie Brown

Erection Night Spectesticles: Urgency, Agency, and the Illusion of Hard Choices

Voting is like Chicago pizza: you do it early and often, and it’s not really pizza. The Uncles spend election night arguing it doesn’t matter whether the shit sandwich comes on three-month-old Wonder Bread or artisanal sourdough.

The “most important election of our lifetime” gets two buzzwords, urgency and agency, and a debate over whether they play in Minnesota. They follow the returns and the betting odds to see which flavor they’re getting fed for the next few y...

Ben almost did this Halloween episode as a ghost. One aspirin for a flu and ear infection tore open his duodenum, triggered a massive internal bleed, and—by his count—killed him four times. He lives 2½ hours from the nearest hospital, waited an hour for the region’s only ambulance, and arrived with under five units of blood. Surgery and transfusions got him out at 8.75 units (the insurance minimum). An adult man is supposed to carry 14–17. “I had enough blood in me to run basic life support.” Nearly all of it is other people’s.

Recovery will take 6–12 weeks...

Uncle Ted Talks Episode 40: The Wiggarthian Gospel Hour 
Recorded Tuesday, October 13, 2026. Runtime: about 3 hours 11 minutes. 
Uncle Ted Talks is a Tuesday night show where a room full of uncles talks about whatever comes up. This episode starts with talking fire hydrants and sports team moves, then covers Las Vegas flooding, true crime, war-zone streamers, and a lot more. 
Hosts and guests:
 Uncle Ted Allen Marcus (AllenMarcus.com)
 Uncle Ted Bennington, also known as Benjamin Balderson (Heathen Wizards)
 Uncle Ted Gemsworthy, also known as "Uncle Dead" and Jim
 Uncle Ted Steeves, also known as Steve

Pressure to Podcast: Who Actually Owns Your Feed? ️
What does it take to claim a podcast? We skip the polished success stories. We ignore the guru step-by-step guides. We dive straight into the messy, behind-the-scenes reality. Two guys figure it out through lived experience, production disasters, technical headaches, and relentless conversation.


Chris Minor and Allen Marcus talk shop. They build a show while still defining what the show actually is. Descript crashes. StreamYard swoops in to rescue the broadcast. Marathon livestreams blow past everyone's bedtime. A hard-earned realization hits the room. Not every conversation needs to...

SiriusXM
Hot Peppers, Fake Guinness, Death of Raw Dog Comedy
From Frozen Pizza to Platform Censorship
Comedy, Conspiracies, and a Box in the Ceiling
Ghost Peppers, SiriusXM, and High Strangeness
Why Independent Voices Keep Getting Hit

(00:00:01) Uncle Tuesday Begins With Spice and Rice Talk

(00:03:48) Hot Pepper Horror Stories and Painful Lessons

(00:14:38) Frozen Pizza, Wisconsin Cheese, and Beer Memories

(00:22:41) Guinness, Fat Tire, and Drinking Culture Debates

(00:32:13) Free Magazines, Old Media, and Comedy Albums

(00:39:20) Which Comedians Still Hold Up Today

(00:42:48) Jim Bakker...

Netflix's UNABOMBER Gets the Uncle Tuesday Treatment

Braunschweiger, the mysterious Pump and Munch, and a septic-truck design featuring the immortal phrase "Turd Snacks."

Another Ted Tuesday descends into the dumbest timeline yet: AI-generated memes, the collapse of irony, true crime, Russian mobsters, federal land, old-school TV, gas-station cuisine, and a surprisingly serious debate over the only correct Eagles song.
The cabin fills up for another chaotic installment of Uncle Ted Talks, bouncing from the Minnesota State Fair and nostalgic TV rewatches to AI art, meme culture, political internet absurdity, Netflix's UNABOMBER, and the question of whether anyone is still capable of recognizing irony once...

Welcome to the Equinox: Thin Mint Whippets, $9 Diesel, and the Lutefisk Capital of America



Grab your Thin Mints and crack open a whippet, because the Equinox is upon us and we are equinox maxxxing.



If you missed this week's episode of Uncle Ted Talks, you missed a glucking masterpiece. The crew gathered in the cabin to celebrate the changing of the seasons, and naturally, the conversation spiraled from ancient pagan sun rituals into the dark, hilarious depths of meme coins, Midwest oddities, and Korean demon-summoning cookies.



Watch...

Digital Prison Grid, Data Thirst, and AI Delusions: A Tuesday in Uncle Ted’s Shed
From Palantir to Peacocks: Fear, Control, and the Systems That Track Us
Outlaw Country, Cashless Counters, and the Gummy Worm Gospel
Water, Wires, and Watchlists: Life Inside the Technocratic Buildout
Silver vs. Chocolate, Shrimp vs. Gummies: Incentives in a Tracked World



In this Tuesday’s Uncle Ted Talks, we open with the Unabomber’s legacy and why a 1995 manifesto still haunts today’s debates on tech, surveillance, and control. From Hervoy Moric’s Geopolitics & Empire cha...

35


From Unabomber to AI Girlfriends: A Tour Through the Weirdest Corners of the Internet
Flock Cameras, FBI Standards, and the Mystery of the AI Girlfriend
Netflix’s Unabomber, Surveillance Creep, and Other American Nightmares
The Surveillance State Meets Internet Freak Show
Ted Kaczynski, Mystery, and a Very Strange News Week



This episode took a wild, very online ride through conspiracy culture, media weirdness, and the modern surveillance state. We kicked off with Netflix’s new *UNABOMBER* film and used that as a springboard into Ted Kaczynski lore, government overreach, and...

Impromptu Weave — Runes, Wicca, and the Fake Internet Mystics Are Real
From Odinism to OnlyFans: Symbols in a Broken Culture
Peter Pan Society, Life Energy, and Modern Magic
Wilhelm Reich, White Ladies, and the Death of Adulthood
Delphi, Dogma, and the Consumerization of the Sacred


Recorded: Aug 18, 2026
⏱️ Runtime: 3:00:08
Members only


We let the conversation wander exactly where it wanted to go — from terrible movies and pop-culture detours into a much deeper discussion about Odinism, Ásatrú, the Delphi case, runes, Wicca, and the difference between a serious spiritual system and a flat...

34

Golf Ads, Mutant Ohio, and Tuesday Night Chaos
From Wildfires to Wild Hogs: An Uncle Ted Talks Tuesday
Potato Olés, Padres, and the Death of Cool
Jed York, Good Good Golf, and Other American Mysteries
Mead, Motorcycles, and Media Meltdowns



On this Tuesday night hang, we bounced from brutal heat, wildfire smoke, and the Reno/Tahoe fire situation into a long, chaotic run through sports absurdity. I riffed with the panel on the Good Good golf ad backlash, the Padres ownership chatter around Kwanza Jones and José Feliciano, an...

welcome special guest author Secret Himmler to discuss his novel Secret Hitler a gripping story about dissident factions infiltration psychological operations and the uneasy alliances formed when different ideological groups must work together to stop a sinister psyop and a broader examination of how influence operations work how groups get manipulated and why modern politics increasingly feels like one long psychological operation designed to keep ordinary people divided and distracted ️
 
 
Uncle Ted Talks: Stoned Hollywood Squares where conspiracy meets comedy and nobody knows which Ted is speaking


From there we go fully off-road the Cand...

Horsing around with the Kristi Noem bronze statue unveiling in South Dakota, her legacy as governor, overruling popular ballot measures, and the unforgettable “Meth, we’re on it” campaign. Slightly larger-than-life bronze statues, state politics, Midwestern regional oddities, 7UP changing its formula to Lime first and lemon second, and a running debate over whether South Dakota history is being memorialized or mocked in bronze. 
We also go deep into movies, mythology, and modern spectacle, talking about why Tombstone still holds up, why Dune inspires such passionate reactions, and how bad adaptations miss the heart of great source material. Val Kilmer’...

Uncle Ted Talks Afterparty — May 12, 2026
Members-Only Mayhem, Captain Planet Lore, and the Gospel of Small Engine Repair

A members-only afterparty pulling back the curtain on our production refresh: new branding, neon overlays, and a “You’ve got mail” gag now baked into the art. We riff on the Ted Turner/Captain Planet mashup, NWA/WCW wrestling nostalgia, and farm-life chaos (kittens chasing nipples, indestructible peacocks, generators, chainsaws) while preaching the lost art of small-engine repair. From there we pinball into conspiracies (adrenochrome, Tartaria, flat-earth optics), A24’s horror run, truck-stop shower hacks, and why durability and cardio wil...

Ted Kaczynski opens the episode, then it goes everywhere: YouTube's new Jewels economy (chat still doesn't know what a joule is worth), a bison attack breakdown, a Crunch Fitness towel-whipping story that spirals into mistaken identity, and a city council meeting where a man gets dragged out by security for clapping three times.

Then the show turns toward AI. Apple's Neuromancer adaptation — forty years after the book, now being made by the same company Gibson typed the manuscript on — leads into YouTube Studio's new "Inspiration" tab, where Gemini suggested a video titled "Unplugging the Phallic Grid." We talk abou...

Mule Mouth Blues 
Pocket Fish Bag
Disappearing Drones and Fire Season
FIFA Heat, Fluck Cameras, and Wildfire Smoke Shows
Just another Off-Grid Summer in the Surveillance Age

Watch live on Tuesday Nights
Subscribe on YouTube:
 https://www.youtube.com/@weavingspiderswebs2642/streams
https://www.youtube.com/@BenjaminBalderson/streams Subscribe on Rumble:
 https://rumble.com/c/AMWakeup/livestreams Confidential feedback: [email protected]

(00:01:31) Heat wave banter and settling into the show

(00:12:03) Robot fights and disappearing drone worries

(00:21:48) Politics as spectacle and culture war...

A members only stream now unlocked for you to listen to.



Recorded after Uncle TED Talks #19 ended ... 

From Rokfin Woes to Fermented Pickles: A Night in the Uncle Cabin
Animatronics, Algorithms, and Uncle Stories After Dark

Deplatformed, Decanted, and Decompressed: Members-Only Aftershow A Night in the Uncle Cabin
Peacocks, Pickles, and Platform Wars

BMX Memories, Bear Hugs, and the “Selfish Ledger”



In this members-only cabin hangout, I take you behind the scenes with the uncles for a freewheeling night that swings from hard-won creator war s...

28

America at 250: Fireworks, Fog, Gas Prices, and Political Theater
From Fourth of July to They Live: A Very American Spiral
Debates, Dollars, and Decline: Late-Night Notes on America
Fogged-Out Fireworks and the End of the Middle Class
Goldberg, Haaland, and the American Psyop



This week I bounced all over the map with the guys, starting with Fourth of July fallout, fogged-out fireworks in San Francisco, heat waves, gas prices, and the general feeling that America’s 250th birthday hit at a pretty strange moment. We got into the absurdity of...

Very Hot Week at the Court
Geofence Warrants, Ducks, and Carolina Reapers
Cannabis, Carry Rights, and Farm-Talk Chaos
SCOTUS, Surveillance, and the Peacock Wars

This week on Uncle Ted Talks, we kicked things off with Snap’s new AR glasses and the broader question of whether more tech in our faces actually makes us more connected. From there, we dug into a stack of recent Supreme Court rulings, including the big decision protecting Second Amendment rights for cannabis users, the ruling on geofence warrants, state bans on transgender athletes in girls’ and women’s sports, birthr...

Who is the Anne Man of Green Gables? 

(00:00:11) Cold open: Uncle Ted montage and show kickoff

(00:01:26) "Tuesday Night with the Teds" banter and birthdays

(00:02:55) Taco Tuesday, potato Olés, and cilantro tastes like soap

(00:05:23) Strange senses: smelling ants and stinky species

(00:06:24) Beans, orcas, VHS nostalgia, Space Ghost & Brak

(00:08:49) Music tangents: Moby, industry, and COVID-era takes

(00:09:46) Parody jingle and new virus riff

(00:11:16) Didgeridoo sound therapy stories and hippie culture

(00:14:28) Too far? Vuvuzela, sunning starfish, and boundaries

(00:17:01) Costumes, planting, heat, an...

World Cup, weird sports traditions, and a detour into how futball timekeeping actually works. Old cars, lawn-mower engineering, Frankenstein vehicle builds, baseball legends, steroid-era memories, retro video games. Minnesota culture, from Kirby Puckett bucket to local severe weather, and old regional playground sayings.

https://serve.podhome.fm/episodepage/uncle-ted-talks/26

Ted Jemsworthy, Ted Bennington, Ted Allen, & Ted Steeves take an insightful & hilarious look at industrial society & its future in

Flight of the Falkories
and the
girth of michael obama*

Become a member on Ted Bennington's channel & access tons of bonus material!

https://www.youtube.com/@BenjaminBalderson


From the “changing face of American masculinity” after UFC Freedom 250 in D.C. to the beard-based betting model that absolutely should not be your financial strategy. We recapped fan melees, Sean Strickland headlines, and the Gaethje–Topuria main event, then detoured into short...

From Ted Kaczynski’s anti-tech critique to today’s AI circus, viral “say JESUS IS LORD 50 times” chatbot stunts, and the mushroom-chocolate boom!

Your 2027 Ford won't shift into drive if its interior cameras decide you look too emotional, while junkyards holding parts for older vehicles burn in suspiciously neat clusters. Major automakers are quietly patenting biometric tracking, lip-reading software, and real-time criminal database checks—turning your truck into a rolling police precinct before you've even backed out of the driveway. This episode traces the line from Flock cameras tracking your phone to AI data centers crashing the power grid, aski...

Tonight in the cabin we bounce from heat waves and cold towels to hot takes about AI, pop culture, and civic life. We trade stories about data centers sucking up water, why “smart” doesn’t always mean better, and whether commencement mics should cut off students who mention world issues. We skewer the endless reboot cycle (Spaceballs rumors, History of the World Part II, Coming 2 America), and tip our caps to filmmakers still taking big swings (Robert Eggers’ The Witch, The Lighthouse, The Northman, and his Nosferatu). We also marvel/side‑eye FIFA’s 2026 “TRIONDA” smart ball and celebrate Detroit finally getting...

Listen to this crash course in questioning official narratives, growing your own food, and grounding yourself in real skills while the technocratic prison grid tightens. If you’re fed up with central-casting news cycles and corporate buzzwords, welcome to the Kaczynski cabin.

In this May 5th episode of Uncle TED Talks, the bearded brotherhood cuts through the noise with irreverence, DIY grit, and a heavy dose of homesteading truth. Pull up a chair and get the straight read on a system that’s fractured—and how to survive it without burning it down.

The Teds swap road s...

Join the Teds as we celebrate the birth of Peter John Kaczynski's together. (05/22/1942, Chicago, Illinois)

Uncle Ted Talks: A Birthday Roast in the Humor Gazebo
Newsweek, Pizza Hut & Pandas: Celebrating Ted in a Post-Truth Party
Cyber Battlespace, Zoo Breaches, and the Retro Reset: Happy Birthday, Ted
From Cabins to Blockbusters: The Unabomber, AI Slop, and American Nostalgia
Industrial Disasters & Tiffany Lamps: A Ted K Birthday Variety Hour



21 UTT 


Tonight, we throw a chaotic, conspiratorial birthday bash for Uncle Ted (Ted Kaczynski), weaving between wry nostalgia, dark humor, a...

The totalitarian tap dance is the quiet click of your car refusing to start because an algorithm decided you're "emotionally unfit."
SUMMARY
From cybernetics to SmartDust, this episode maps how feedback loops became social control. We trace Norbert Wiener's missiles to Ford's kill switches, JPMorgan's biometric nanotech, and the astroturfing of culture itself. If you feel the grid tightening but refuse to check out, this conversation is your grounding wire.

️ UNCLE TED TALKS

The Dogface Dudes have taken TED names.
We are now Uncle TED Talks.
This is episode 16 in that series.
allenmarcus.com has the links.




"Nothing captures the disorienting comedy of the post-modern, post-COVID world quite like the acronym MMIWG2SLGBTQQIA+. It's a tragic reality (the MMIW part) lost inside a bureaucratic clown car of letters. This is the world we're living in: a place where 'Technates' and 'BRICS tyranny' sound like sci-fi villains, but you can't get raw milk without a secret handshake, and the government wants to register your backyard...

️ UNCLE TED TALKS • EPISODE 02 ️
✨ Upper Decker Pickle Punk ✨ 
️ Recorded Live: New Year's Eve 2025 | Creativity in the Cabin 
WELCOME TO THE CHAOS
Grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and join Ted Allen, Ted Steeves, Ted Bennington, Ted Gemsworthy, and special guest Etta Volk (Republic Broadcasting Network / Rev Radio) for a gloriously unhinged ride through industrial society, fairy-tale macabre, and the eternal struggle of cats vs. keyboards. ⌨️ 
WORLD PREMIERE: THEME SONG ROUGH CUT!
We debuted a bubblegum-manifesto anthem featuring lyrics from Industrial Society and Its Future set to upbeat pop-rap. Reactions included:
"Bullwinkle on nitrous" narrator energy

Timeshare Robot Sex Dolls

Guest Ted Scottstrong joins to discuss his new show about preparing for the machine uprising, and things escalate quickly. The crew brainstorms anti-bot weapons (foam cannons, trained falcons) and explores the inevitable rise of the sex robot economy—including timeshare robot pussy, robot douchers as a career path, and Crazy Larry's Fuck Robot Emporium. Yes, really.
But that's just the warm-up. The conversation somehow touches on serial rapist alpacas named Buddy, guard alpacas, sniper peacocks, and the attack turkeys that guard Ted Bennington's farm. We discuss robophilia, the Campaign to Stop Killer Robots, an...