We Need To Talk with Harry and Shade
Welcome to The Harry & Shade Show, where a real married couple sits down, keeps it 100, and talks about everything your relationship group chat is too scared to bring up. Harry and Shade don't have it all figured out. They have four kids, strong opinions, and a whole lot of real-life experience, including the arguments, the laughs, the hard seasons, and the moments that make it all worth it. From communication and finances to keeping the spark alive when you're raising ages from 7-year-old to a 20-year-old under the same roof, nothing is off-limits, and nothing is sugarcoated. This isn't a...
Episode 9: Comfortable Isn't the Same as Safe
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There's a kind of calm that comes from knowing exactly what to expect — even when what to expect isn't good for you. In this episode, Harry and Shade break down why so many people stay in relationships, jobs, and friendships they already know aren't working. We get into the psychology behind it — sunk cost fallacy, narrative identity, fear-based vs. love-based attachment — and the one distinction that changes everything: comfortable isn't the same as safe. Then we get personal about the times we've each stayed somewhere too lo...
Episode 8: "A Better Me Makes A Better We"
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In this episode, Harry and Shade dive deep into the foundation of a strong relationship: personal growth. They explore the concept that a great partnership isn't built on grand romantic gestures, but on thousands of small, consistent daily choices—what they call "laying bricks."
Discover four practical tools that actually work for building a better relationship, from taking it one brick at a time to understanding the importance of doing your own work first. Harry and Shade share vulnerable conversations about their own journey, including how they've navigated feelings of resentment, br...
A Better Me Makes A Better We
Send us Fan Mail
In this episode, Harry and Shade dive deep into the foundation of a strong relationship: personal growth. They explore the concept that a great partnership isn't built on grand romantic gestures, but on thousands of small, consistent daily choices, what they call "laying bricks."
Discover four practical tools that actually work for building a better relationship, from taking it one brick at a time to understanding the importance of doing your own work first. Harry and Shade share vulnerable conversations about their own journey, including how they've navigated feelings of resentment...
Episode 7: "Black Sheep: Why Walking Away Was the Best Thing We Ever Did"
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There's a kind of silence that follows you when you walk away from your own family. Not because you stopped loving them, but because loving them stopped looking like staying. In this episode, Harry and Shade get personal about something most people go through, and almost nobody talks about out loud: being the black sheep. Choosing growth even when it costs you the people who raised you. We break down the psychology behind it, differentiation, crab bucket mentality, and the difference between a generational curse and a generational pattern. Then we get into our...Episode 6: What Are We Really Afraid Of? | Overthinking, Parenting & Raising Black Children in a World Running on Fear
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This is the episode we did not plan to make.
But it is the one we had to.
Harry and Shade go deeper than they have ever
gone — connecting brain science, marriage,
parenting, and what it means to raise Black
children in a world that is still running on
very old, very dangerous programs.
This is not a political episode.
This is a human episode.
About fear. About the stories our brains
tell us. About what we pass to our children
Episode 5: We Need To Talk About the Dollars Between Us | Money, Marriage & the Real Conversations Most Couples Avoid
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Money ends more marriages than cheating.
Not because couples don't love each other —
but because they never had the real
conversation about it.
In Episode 5, Harry and Shade go all the way
in on finances. The money mindsets they each
brought into this marriage. The mistakes. The
disagreements. The power dynamics. And the
financial lessons that only 20 years of real
life together can teach you.
This is not a finance podcast. This is a
marriage podcast — and money is one of th...
Episode 4: We Need To Talk About How We Talk | Communication, Triggers & Breaking Old Patterns
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Most couples think they have good communication
problem. But what if the real problem is not
HOW you communicate, but WHAT is actually
driving the conversation without your
permission?
In Episode 4, Harry and Shade break down the
two systems are running inside your brain every
single day and show exactly how they show up
inside a marriage, in real arguments, real
patterns, and 20 years of real moments between
two people who had to learn how to actually
hear each other.
This o...
Episode 3: When the Bedroom Goes Quiet. The Intimacy Talk Nobody Wants to Have
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This is the episode most podcasts won't make.
Harry and Shade get completely vulnerable about
something millions of couples go through and almost
nobody talks about out loud — intimacy challenges,
body changes, and the health issues that silently
affect your relationship before you even know
what's happening.
This one is personal. This one is real.
And this one might save your relationship.
📌 WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:
🔟 Top 5 Intimacy Questions Couples Actually Ask
We start with the questions every co...
Episode 2: Trust Part II — We Finish What We Started | We Need To Talk W/ Harry & Shade
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We said we weren't done with Trust — and we meant it.
Episode 2 picks up right where we left off. Harry and
Shade finish answering the Top 10 most common trust
questions couples actually ask and as always, we
don't always agree. That's kind of the whole point.
Then we do something new we break down a real
Comment left by a listener and answer it in 5 deep
questions. Because sometimes one comment says
everything a lot of people are feeling, but nobody
is saying ou...
Episode 1: Meet Harry & Shade — 20 Years, 4 Kids & a Real Talk About Trust
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Welcome to We Need To Talk with Harry and Shade the podcast where a real married couple sits down, keeps it 100, and has the conversations most people avoid.
We're Harry and Shade Farquharson. Twenty years married, four kids ranging from 7 to 20, and zero interest in pretending we have it all figured out. This podcast is our real story the love, the hard seasons, the laughs, and the lessons that only come from actually putting in the work together.
In this first episode we introduce ourselves and our family the...
