Be Gay Solve Crimes

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we are joined by a very special surprise guest, a woman who is just SO cool like, the incomparable Charlotte McDonnell from (among so many other things!) the podcast What's All This Then! Specifically to talk about That Episode. You know the one. It's a Doctor Whodunnit, babyyyy. Allons-y!

Join us as Mia tries to get us all to talk about Star Trek instead (future episode), Lucy tries to slip as many names of Chameleon Circuit songs in as she can get away with, and Charlotte clocks on to her...

On this, our first ever extra special Halloween Spook-tacular episode of Be Ghoul Solve Screams, we cower behind the sofa to watch the scariest Poirot film ever made, courtesy of our beloved master of ceremonies Kenneth Branagh. Ancient curses, cannibalism, and casting decisions more horrifying than them all put together await you. Enter… if you dare!

Join us as Mia invents a new non-pharmacological cure for ADHD, Lucy comes out swinging in defence of The Moustache's Gritty Backstory, and Nova has to remind us all repeatedly about a little thing called "The Contempt of Court Act 1981", whatever th...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we give you all the clues.

Well, maybe not all of them. Some of the clues. A few clues. We're giving you a smattering of clues. Okay, final offer, we'll give you two thirds of the clues for two thirds of the hosts. That's right, it's the Lucy and Nova show this week, and we're tackling the 2017 film production catastrophe that was The Snowman.

Join us as we scientifically find the sweet spot for the amount of mould needed to make you a good detective but not a...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we take a trip down memory lane to the year 2007, and immediately remember why the hell we ran away from there. It's the toxically theatrical and theatrically toxic Sleuth, a film that no one saw, but we assume everyone who did went on to transition.

Join us as we invent Lancashire Simlish, Nova returns to the Late Noughties with a baseball bat to give it a piece of her goddamn mind, and Mia decides to torture Lucy by improvising a TWENTY SECOND LONG SONG knowing full well she won't be...

You asked one question: Are the Be Gay Solve Crimes girlies ever going to cover a Coen brothers film? 

And after all this time, we finally answered. Oh yah. You betcha. 

Join us as Nova debates the best kind of walkie talkie sound effect, Mia gets very passionate about office feng shui, and Lucy completely butchers the pronunciation of Peter Stormare.

To listen to the full version of this bonus episode, head on over to our Patreon, where for as little as £5 a month you can get access to the rest of this epis...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we’re getting a deeper shade of pinko and somehow yet more pan about it for the first of many Inspector Clouseau films; it’s that maddeningly madcap sixties classic, The Pink Panther!

Join us as discuss the best way to coax some feeling back into David Niven’s little blue acorn, get distracted by Lucy’s childhood trauma, and finally work out once and for all what the grammatically correct plural of Gorilla should be.

If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes, you should sign up...

It's Scandi Week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, and so we're catching a red-eye flight above the Arctic circle to the city that never sleeps (Norwegian), just in time to check out a dazzlingly depressing work of sunlit Scandinavian noir, a film so Norse they made it tworce, it’s Insomnia (1997) starring Stellan Scarsgård!

Join us as Nova subtly tries to get Lucy to transform her into a musical jingle, Lucy more than happily obliges, and Mia dusts off the Swedish accent once again for us all.

To listen to the full version of thi...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we pay our respects to the late, great Tim Curry with a special episode on possibly the most famous adaptation of a board game ever, Clue!

Join us as we welcome back our favourite Professional Automotive Journalist Victoria Scott of Tran Girlismo as a guest, Mia reveals the secrets of her shameful Swedish musical theatre-kid past and Lucy whips out her pitch perfect impression of The Skype Ringtone that she has on tap for some reason.

If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes, you should...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're taking what will be the first of many looks at Lt. Frank Drebin to prove that cops and women DO mix, starting with The Naked Gun (1988)!

Join us as Lucy succumbs to rapid onset face blindness, Mia finally finds the missing piece of her life’s most elusive jigsaw puzzle, and Nova gets us all on a Skyrim tangent so obscure that it might as well be considered its very own elder scrolls minisode.

To listen to the full version of this bonus episode, head on over to...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're going back to 1970s Los Angeles if you can imagine such a thing. It's the Raymond Chandler classic The Long Goodbye with our beloved work-husband Philip Marlowe!

Join us as you hallucinate us all hosting a podcast for you, Nova outlines exactly which hobbies are sure signs of trans-femininity, Mia tells us about what it is about Mexico that gets her dog all hot under the collar, and Lucy gives us her best Donald Trump impression. If that wasn't enough, beloved professional automotive journalist Victoria Scott hops on to...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we welcome the Chinese century with our most Brackets Chinese detective movie yet. A film that might be described as “what if someone made Disco Elysium the movie but set in Heilongjiang instead of Estonia.” It’s Black Coal, Thin Ice (2014), a.k.a. Daylight Fireworks.

Join us for a 2 hour extravaganza where we take a firm stance against the Nightcrawler Body-Cam school of fight scene cinematography, Mia practices her Chinese pronunciation, Lucy gets advice on how to reverse her telomeres (whatever those are), and all three of us have wildly...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we thought it was about time we checked in on our Boy* in the Deerstalker**, and what better place to find him than Guy Ritchie's 2009 brawl-fest Sherlock Holmes (2009) starring the acclaimed actor Robert Downey's acclaimed actor son.

Join us as Nova gets discombobulated by Hans Zimmer doing terrible things to a piano, Mia finally divulges her bedtime (so you can all stop asking now), and Lucy engages the deep librarian-mode in defence of a director who is so blokey that even his parents named him Just Some Dude.

...

On this week's bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're getting voyeuristic about it Alfred Hitchcock-style with the curtain-twitching classic Rear Window (1954), featuring simultaneously the best dressed and worst dressed arm-chair sleuths we've yet seen.

Join us as we give ourselves Grace Kelly dysphoria, Mia comes out swinging on behalf of Team "Rear Window Is Bad", Nova talks us through what goes into her perfect Jimmy Stewart Impression, and Lucy finally introduces herself properly after all this time.

To hear the full version of this bonus episode, head over to our Patreon where for...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we’re getting in touch with the evil side of detectives, where policing, repression, and even Hollywood makeup can get a shade too dark. That’s right, it’s Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil (1958).

Join us as we all fangirl over one of our favourite honey-voiced filmmakers, Nova recounts the anecdote of the angriest she’s ever seen Lucy, Mia goes to war with a fly, and we all do our best not to lib out.

If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes, you should sign up to...

On this extra special bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're joined by our dear friend Devon of Kill James Bond to talk about one of the most transgender detective films of all time, a movie we've been itching to do ever since we started this podcast, it's the hybrid cartoon film noir classic, Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988).

Join us as Nova activates theologian mode to explore the theological implications of the Cartoon Soul, Mia activates historian mode to work out just how much critical support we can give Goofy for his espionage allegations, Devon...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're boogying on down back to tinseltown for some 1970s crashout double act deliciousness, it's the eponymous "guys" from The Nice Guys (2016).

Join us as we discover the fastest way of converting someone to Catholicism, the fastest way to convert someone to The Blue Man Group, and the fastest way to remind Lucy that she's lowkey kinda bisexual.

If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes, you should sign up to our Patreon! For as little as £5 a month you can get access to a new b...

On this week’s Bonus Episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we’re on the hunt for a legendary movie, one of the best of all time, so we’re told. But when we find it, will it be everything that we hoped it would be? That’s right, we’re doing The Maltese Falcon!

Join us as we get lost in a plot that pulls a 180° every single sentence, discuss the praxis of blowing kisses at cops, and we get a little sidetracked by Podcast Enhancing Drugs.

To hear the full version of this bonus episo...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, Nova rolls a natural twenty on the most insanely unlikely movie pull yet. It’s the exhaustively-memed early-00s stoner comedy Super Troopers, and for some reason it’s more transgender than we could have possibly guessed.

Join us for Barefoot Cops, frozen bananas, sublimated homosexuality, and a guy eating a whole plate of cannabis. Hold on, wait, didn't we do that episode last week?

If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes, you should sign up to our Patreon! For as little as £5 a month you c...

On this bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we turn on, tune in, and drop out for a groovy double-LP of an episode with two detectives for the price of one. That’s right, daddio, it’s Inherent Vice!

Come join us as we give ourselves 1960s hippie dysphoria, discuss the best technique for eating a frozen banana, and calculate exactly how hench you’d have to be to body a toilet cistern lid to the skull.

To hear the full version of this bonus episode, head over to our Patreon where for as little...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we take a detour from the classics to have a proper gander at the copaganda screenwriters are making today. And it turns out, they don't make 'em like they used to. That's right, it’s the alarmingly recent and alarmingly cisgender Mercy (2026).

Join us to see just how long it takes us to give up mashing a square peg into a round hole, Mia gives us advice on how to mod The Sims, and Nova lets us know what the hell she meant by the phrase "White Timothy McVeigh".

...

On this bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we don our blood filled black leather converse all stars for a trip back to I, Robot (2004), based on some of Isaac Asimov's best sentences.

Join us as we welcome Mia Mulder home and finally discover her opinions on Columbo, hear us explain to you to the family-unfriendly rules of The Shia LeBeouf Game, and enjoy the patreon-exclusive privilege of all three of us telling you what a bad bad naughty bad robot you are.

To hear the full version of this bonus episode, head over...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're joined by our dear friend Josh Boerman (host of Worst of All Possible Worlds and Ill Conceived!) for an episode all about that scruffiest of detectives, Columbo.

Specifically in... uhh... [spinning a big wheel] ...Season 2, Episode 5? Requiem For A Falling Star?

Join us as we dive into a feast of Old Hollywood Lesbianism, Lucy reveals exactly what would make her betray her union, Nova gives us self-defence advice, and we all collectively lose our mind about the most Theatre Kid cameo in the world.

Also...

On this Patreon exclusive bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're gonna keep riding this Philip K Dick train all the way into android town. That's right, it's the surprisingly sleepy BLADE RUNNER (1982).

Join us as we discuss Harrison Ford's slutty little waist, Mia lays out a theory about Making The Pimp Hat work, Lucy discusses the literary legacy of Orc City and accidentally starts a fight with 50% of writers everywhere, and November somehow gets us talking about Fallout New Vegas again.

To hear the full version of this bonus episode, head over to...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we’re cruising on over to the noughties to watch the ever-prescient Steven Spielberg film Minority Report (2002), based on the classic novella by Philip K Dick.

Join us for a vision of a future where we blow our entire Patreon budget on milk baths and pass the savings onto you, where a Colin Farrell can be too Catholic even for November Kelly, and how shaven a Tom Cruise can be narrowly avoids becoming a lawsuit. We've got babygirl Pool-Boys, Twinks From The Fed, Emotional-Support Enbies. It's a gender kaleidoscope, folks.

On this Patreon exclusive bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're checking in on our dear friend, the synth detective himself, Nick Valentine from Fallout 4 and Far Harbor.

Join us as Lucy gets immediately sidetracked into talking about Fallout: New Vegas, Mia and Nova join forces to try and mod in a jerry-built judicial system to the post-apocalypse, and Nick Valentine gives us all some much needed heckling.

To hear the full version of this bonus episode, head over to our Patreon where for as little as £5 a month you can get access to a...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're leapfrogging right into Inspector Gadget 2! The one with the Girl Inspector Gadget, who looks remarkably like a friend of ours.

Join us on the goopiest episode yet as we introduce you all to our new beloved cyborg co-host Robo-Nova, wade into a whole new world of viscous hot pink gunge to pick apart exactly in what ways a movie can be racist towards a car, and Mia interrogates Lucy about a mystery piercing...

If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes, drop what you're doing...

On this extra special Patreon exclusive bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we're investigating the beloved all-american classic Nancy Drew, joined by our own beloved american class act and dear dear friend Victoria Scott, host of the podcast Tran Girlismo!

Specifically, we're covering the 2007 eponymous film that literally none of us remembers existing.

Join us as we give ourselves Precocious Darling Dysphoria, take turns dunking on a leather-jacketed 12-year-old boy who is somehow already locked on the path to getting Me Tooed, and Nova and Lucy get into an escalating arms race that threatens...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, things are finally getting Swedish round here as we dig out the files on Stieg Larsson's posthumous novel Men Who Hate Women, and its two separate film adaptations; The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

But which one are we watching, I hear you ask? 

Yes.

Could we have planned this better?

Yes.

Join us for a Scandinavian smorgasbord where Lucy gets pretty convinced that the layout of chess pieces is key to unlocking the mystery, N...

On this Patreon exclusive bonus episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we blow the lid on a 30 year old case by analysing the classic Simpsons two parter 'Who Shot Mr Burns?'

"But wait, I thought it was the baby?" Oh ho, my friend, I'm afraid you could not be wrongerer.

Join us for an unexpected jazz extravaganza as we tap-dance over the minefield of Nova's competing podcast contractual obligations, wax nostalgic over the queen of our hearts Waylon Smithers, and Lucy goes a bit Pepe Silvia digging into the dark Lynchian underbelly of Springfield's...

Bonjour, détectives! This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we bring in Commissaire Jules Maigret for some much needed gender questioning. Specifically, the Georges Simenon novella Maigret and the Dead Girl, for which the best on-screen adaptation unfortunately stars the most Brought-In-For-Questioning actor we've yet encountered.

Oui, nous regrettons tout.

We've watched it so you don't have to.

Join us as investigate the Saddest Detective In The World. A man with the lungs of a twelve year old. A man who isn't sure what a pipe is, let alone how to get r...

What? You thought Be Gay Solve Crimes were gonna take our sweet time getting round to this? You think we'd tease you like that? We've never been more serious about anything in our goddamn lives. That's right. You've waited long enough. It's time for L.A. Noire. It's like regular noir, but it has an e on the end because it's for girls. If you want access to the full episode, head on over to our Patreon, where for £5 a month you'll get access to all our bonus episodes, past and future (including Disco Elysium and Silence of the Lambs).

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, we turn our interrogation lamp directly in the face of Miss Jane Marple. Specifically the achingly gay 2005 ITV adaptation of A Murder Is Announced. Join us as we give ourselves crippling 1940s Woman Dysphoria, watch the butchest of butch lesbians Spank The Hogs, and learn just how incestuous UK casting decisions can get.

If you want to hear more Be Gay Solve Crimes more frequently, subscribe to our Patreon where for as little as £5 a month you'll gain access to all of our future bonus episodes, as well as our tw...

On this week's Bonus Episode of Be Gay Solve Crimes, we take a leaf out of the late great Hannibal Lecter's book and, tongues firmly in our cheeks, attempt to pin down that most curious of transphobic shapeshifters, Silence of the Lambs (1991). Available in full right now on our Patreon! 

Join us next week as we turn our magnifying glasses on Miss Marple in the 2005 ITV adaptation of A Murder Is Announced where we give ourselves crippling 1940s Woman Dysphoria, watch the butchest of butch lesbians spank The Hogs, and learn just how incestuous UK casting decisions c...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes, our investigation brings us to Hercule Poirot in Death On The Nile (1978).

Join us as we hunt down a League of Library Assassins, enlist Butch Maggie Smith to help us finally make the switch to injections, and watch Angela Lansbury down a crocodilian cocktail* to appease Sobek, God of Semen.

*A croc-tail, if you will.**

**We won't.

For more Be Gay Solve Crimes, check out our Patreon where for as little £5 a month you'll get access to our fortnightly bonus episodes, including last week's e...

This week on Be Gay Solve Crimes we turn our magnifying glasses on Disco Elysium, setting out to prove once and for all that underneath all his baggage, Harrier du Bois may in fact have been Harrier du Girls all this time. 

If you want to hear the full version of this bonus episode, you can find it and all our future bonus episodes on our patreon for as little as £5 a month!

Welcome to our new transfeminine detective podcast! Every episode, Mia Mulder (@Potatopolitics), November Kelly (@postoctobrist), and Lucy From Scotland (@absobloodylucy) interrogate a different piece of detective fiction in hopes of answering the greatest mystery of all: is being a detective a kind of trans?

For our first episode, we are proud to present a truly inexplicable 1940s Sherlock Holmes adaptation: The Woman in Green. Featuring hypnotism, cannabis, and laws against fat people. Elementary, my dear listener.

If you like this episode, we will be releasing bonus episodes on our Patreon, starting very soon with perhaps...