Love Inside Out with Adele Testa

You opened your phone to check one thing and there they were. The single friend "finally having her summer." The couple who make it all look effortless. And you, on a perfectly ordinary evening, somehow feeling behind on both.

This week's Heart Note sits with that quiet ache: the two summers we're told to perform, and the shame of feeling like we're doing neither one right.

One question to carry: whose summer are you actually trying to have? 🤎

🎧 Go deeper by listening to the full Gratitude & Compromise episode on Spotify (click here) or on App...

If you've ever quietly believed you need to become a fixed, better version of yourself before you're ready for real closeness, this episode is for you.

We'll untangle self-love from the things it keeps getting mistaken for, like the spa day, or aspiring to be perfect.

Then I'll hand you the tool I actually reach for on the days I've been unkind to myself: seven words, all starting with the same letter, small enough to keep somewhere you'll see them.

I'll walk you through five simple moves for staying close to yourself and...

It was my birthday week. Golden light, my hometown beach, my partner and my child beside me and when the phone came up, I found a reason to leave. Because that isn't the body I wanted back after the pregnancy, and I didn't want it standing there forever.

I protected myself from the picture. And I lost the day.

This Heart Note isn't a pep talk about loving your body. It's about the quiet trade so many of us make every summer without noticing and the surprising place it shows up next.

The...

Are you single and wondering if love will ever find you?

Or are you dating and unsure if this is the right person?

This episode is for anyone navigating the messy, confusing world of relationships and choice.

I explore three powerful ideas that can transform how you approach dating:

It starts with a quiet Sunday evening. The sun is still up, everyone else seems to be out living their best summer, and suddenly you are downloading the dating app you swore you deleted for good.

In this Summer Heart Note, we look at what that ache may really be: the wish to feel wanted, the need for someone to share a sunset with, the discomfort of arriving alone to another barbecue, or simply the feeling that summer is happening somewhere else.

This is not an episode telling you to stay off the apps. It...

Most of us think the fight is the damage, but the real damage usually happens after, in the silence nobody teaches us how to handle.

This week's Sunday Heart Note was about the careful quiet that shows up on holiday. So I'm bringing back one of my favourite episodes on a different silence entirely: the one that lands right after a row. 🤎

In this extract of episode 11, we get into why you genuinely can't have a calm conversation three minutes later, the three things we all do instead i.e. rush it, go cold, or pre...

A holiday is basically a relationship stress test in a sunhat.

Take away the work, the routine, the separate friends, the rooms you can escape to; and it's just the two of us, sharing a bathroom, a bed, and every single decision about where to go and what to eat.

That's exactly where the friction I'd been quietly avoiding for months had nowhere left to hide.

In this Heart Note:

Sunday's Heart Note left us with an idea: wedding-grief isn't a wound, it's a compass, pointing at something you still want. Today's replay picks up that needle and puts it on the table.

This is the Episode 3 extract: are you where you want to be in love?

We will try to explore the complex question: if nothing changed for a whole year, if twelve months from now your love life looked exactly like it does today, would you feel at peace? Or quietly unhappy?

That gap, between where you are and where you...

You can be genuinely happy for the groom and bride, and still go home feeling sad.

Those two things co-exist at the same time when you are in a challenging spot in your love life.

In this Summer Heart Note, we explore the quiet feeling that sometimes follows weddings, engagement announcements, and other people's love stories.

We try to understand what that mixed-emotion might be trying to tell you.

Be brave, stay curious and enjoy this episode of the LOVE INSIDE OUT's summer edition.

What if the argument is not really about the dishes, the bins or the unanswered text?

Sometimes the relationship is not the problem. Life is.

Work pressure, exhaustion, children, ageing parents, money, commuting and the mental load can quietly change how we speak, listen and react to each other.

A small comment lands badly. One person withdraws. The other pushes harder. Suddenly, you are arguing about something neither of you truly cares about.

In this first Summer Replay, I share an extract from Episode 5 about what happens when everyday stress enters...

Have you ever noticed that a different version of you seems to appear a few days into a holiday?

Your body softens. You laugh more easily. You become more curious, more spontaneous and more open to the person beside you.

Then you come home—and that version of you seems to disappear almost immediately.

In this first Summer Heart Note, we explore what might really be changing when we step away from routine, pressure and the roles we carry every day.

Is it the place, the rest, the warm light—or is s...

Six sorries in two minutes — and the argument only got worse.

If you've ever said "sorry" just to make the discomfort stop… if you've ever been handed an apology that left you feeling more unseen, not less… if you're quietly waiting for an "I'm sorry" that never seems to arrive — this one is for you.

Most of us were never taught how to apologise. Very few of us ever received a real apology from a parent while we were still children.

So we grew up improvising — reaching for the word "sorry" like a button tha...

I once had someone fade on me so gradually that I didn't see it happening. He dressed the distance up as a busy season — a big project, a phase, nothing to worry about. By the time I understood what was going on, I'd already mentally planned our second anniversary. Fifteen years later I can still feel it: the confusion, the hollow space, the not knowing whether something had ended or whether I was imagining the whole thing.

That's where this episode lives. The replies that get slower. The plans that go vague. The partner wh...

Ten years ago, I packed up the life I'd taken 25 years to build and moved to a different country for one person. That person was — and is — worth it. But moving for love is not the romantic plot point it gets sold as. It's a slow, structural decision that touches everything: your friendships, your identity, your money, your sense of home, even the way you spend a Sunday evening.

Nobody explained that to me before I went. So in this episode of Love Inside Out, I give you the full map I wish someone had given me — for re...

Why do you push away the people who are genuinely good for you — and feel strangely at home with the ones who aren't?

If steady, kind love feels boring, suspicious, even suffocating… if a caring partner has ever made you think "this is too good to be true"… if you keep choosing chaos and calling it passion — this episode will hit close to home.

In this episode of Love Inside Out, we explore what happens when we grow up in a dysfunctional family — not an unloving one, just one that quietly handed us some difficult patterns...

We've all been sold that fixing our relationship takes a weekend retreat, a couples therapist, or a three-hour conversation at midnight that leaves both parties both wrung out and staring at the ceiling.

It doesn't.

In this episode, I'm giving you part one of my coaching framework — three small, ordinary acts, done together every day, in five minutes total.

The kind of acts you used to do for each other when you were trying to win them over, and somewhere along the way quietly stopped.

This episode is for you whether yo...

Your partner's ex. The one you've never met but can't stop thinking about. That's the ghost in your relationship — and in this episode, we're talking about why someone who is no longer part of the story has more power over your peace of mind than the person sleeping next to you.

Today we focus on retroactive jealousy.

In this episode, I break down what retroactive jealousy actually is, why it takes hold so deeply, who keeps the ghost alive without realising it, and what you can do — practically, honestly — to stop it from running your relati...

This episode is for anyone who's ever left a coffee, a dinner, or a group chat feeling quietly worse about their relationship — without being able to say exactly why.

For anyone who's compared their love life to a friend's highlight reel and come up short. For anyone who vents to the same person every time and wonders why nothing ever shifts.

But here's what happened. This Sunday I accidentally ran a mini group coaching session about love. With three strangers. On a park bench. Before brunch. I did not sign up for this.

I...

You're not behind. You're scrolling and play a lose-lose game with endless comparisons.

Nobody tells you this, so I will: the most damaging thing you can do in love is measure your real life against someone else's highlight reel.

That knot in your stomach when a friend gets engaged. That restless ache when you see a couple on holiday and yours feels quieter. That voice saying you should be further along by now. That's not intuition. That's FOMO. And it's running more of your love decisions than you think.

FOMO in love is...

This episode is for anyone who's ever felt stuck in the same argument, said something they didn't mean, or walked out of a conversation wondering how it went sideways so fast. No jargon. No "use I-statements." Just three things happening beneath the surface of your love life that most of us were never taught to notice.

But here's what happened. Three coaching sessions in one week. Three completely different people. Same hidden patterns showing up in all of them.If three people bumped into this in seven days, chances are you have too.

I never...

You know that moment at a family gathering when someone asks about your love life, your choices or your body and your chest tightens?

This episode is your preparation. Easter is close. You'll want this before you walk through that door.

In this episode of Love Inside Out, I'm giving you the gated bridge — a way to protect your peace at family events without shutting anyone out, building walls, or spending the whole afternoon in defence mode.

We cover:

Making a big decision about your love life when everything is falling apart is like grocery shopping when you're starving.

You grab whatever's closest. You don't read the label. You just want the empty feeling to stop. That's not clarity — that's compensation.

This episode might save you from the wrong call. Love Inside Out — out now.

Last Sunday, I spotted a poster on a classroom wall in a primary school. Five rules. Handwritten in coloured marker. For children aged six.

And I stood there thinking — if adults of my generation learnt and applied these five rules in their romantic relationships, half the heartbreak out there simply would not exist.

We teach children these things before they can tie their shoelaces. Then somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we collectively forget every single one.

In this episode, I go through all five rules — one by one — and show you how each of the...

You've never sat someone down and handed them a list of your assumptions and expectations for how to love you. But you have that list.

And when someone breaks a rule they were never told about — it feels like betrayal.

If this hit close home, DM @adele_thecoach

Love Inside Out is back with an episode about the thing underneath most relationship frustration: the invisible contract. The unspoken expectations, unconscious assumptions, inherited rules, and silent scorecards that run in the background of every connection — and the damage they cause when they're never brought into...

Have you ever lost your temper with someone you love and barely recognised yourself afterwards?

Not just frustrated — properly gone. The message you fired off with shaking hands. Or the silence you went into on purpose, because you knew it would cut deeper than anything you could say.

This week I'm taking on anger and rage — that zero-to-hundred surge where the calm, reasonable version of you vanishes and something far older takes the wheel.

I'll walk you through what's actually happening in your brain when this hits, why the person standing in front of y...

The argument is over. The voices have stopped. So why does the silence feel heavier than the shouting did?

If your relationship feels weird after a fight — even when the argument is over — listen to this episode.

That uncomfortable space — where you're in the same house, doing normal things, but both of you are tense and somehow still fighting in your head — is where most couples actually become disconnected. Not in the fight itself, but in everything that comes after.

The damage doesn't start during the argument. It starts in the reco...

You replayed the conversation. You analysed the text. You stayed up at 2AM building an argument about something that hasn't happened yet. And now your stomach hurts.

This episode unpacks why overthinking takes over in relationships and dating — and what's actually going on underneath it. We explore horror vacui (the brain's refusal to sit with uncertainty), the cognitive distortions that make you react to a story instead of reality, and the self-fulfilling prophecy where the fear of losing someone becomes the very thing that pushes them away.

You'll also learn the five rumination cycles — blame, cont...

If you're single, chances are you've been hurt. You've lost trust — not just in love, but in yourself. You tolerated things you shouldn't have. You stayed too long. You ignored the signs.This episode is your reset.

I share a framework she's developed through years of working with clients and my own dating experiences.

No checklists. No "must-haves." Just a different way of thinking about how to find — and recognise — the right person for you.

In this episode, you'll explore:

→ Why being single isn't a waiting room (and how to stop treating...

You scroll past a photo of the Obamas and think: that. I want that.

The look. The respect. The decades-deep love that still lights up a room.

But here's what we skip past — the therapy sessions, the 2am conversations that resolved nothing, the mornings where someone woke up annoyed for no good reason. We admire the destination. We're far less interested in the journey.

This episode unpacks the power couple myth — the idea that extraordinary love just happens to extraordinary people. It doesn't. It's built. Maintained. Chosen, again and again.

In this...

Have you ever swallowed something that hurt you and immediately told yourself "it could be worse"? Have you ever talked yourself out of a need because "at least they don't do X"?

That's not gratitude. That's self-abandonment with a positive spin.

In this episode, we explore the blurry line between genuine appreciation and shrinking yourself to keep the peace. I break down what "playing small" actually looks like — for women AND for men — why we do it, where it comes from, and what it costs us when we let gratitude become a cage instead of a fo...

Why do we perform in our most intimate relationships? This episode unpacks where the belief that love must be earned comes from—and how to finally step off the treadmill.

In this episode, we explore The Performance Trap: that exhausting pattern of monitoring yourself, proving your worth, and secretly fearing that if you stop performing, you'll lose their love.

You'll learn:→ The difference between effort (authentic) and performance (an audition)→ 5 sources that taught us love must be earned—from childhood conditioning to social media→ The Treadmill vs. Home metaphor: why couples often play completely different games→ How...

New year, new pressure to fix everything—including your relationship. But what if the real problem isn't the argument about who forgot to defrost the chicken? It's the pattern underneath.

This episode gets practical. We talk about stress signatures, the myth of quality time, and why most relationship tension has nothing to do with your relationship.

You'll get actual scripts to defuse arguments before they explode, five small rules that protect you both when life gets heavy, and one slightly embarrassing stress release involving a ball pit.

For anyone juggling work, responsibilities, and tr...

You choose the other person, and a small part of you disappears. You choose yourself, and the guilt creeps in.

Some nights, loving yourself and loving someone else feel like they're pulling you in opposite directions.

And underneath it all, that quiet sentence you've been carrying for years — "you have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you" — has slowly stopped sounding like wisdom and started sounding like a verdict.If you've ever sat with that ache, this episode is for you.

We untangle what self-love actually is, what it isn't, and...

When most of us think about love, we're not really thinking about what we need. We're thinking about society's script and timeline.

So when I ask, "Are you where you want to be in love?"—I'm not asking whether you've ticked the right boxes.

I'm asking something deeper.

Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel alive in your relationship—or, if you are single, do you feel in charge in your search for a partner?

Not comfortable. Not fine. Not "it could be worse." Genuinely fulfilled.

This...

Dreading those awkward questions at the dinner table? Whether you're bringing a partner home, navigating the holidays single, or stuck in situationship limbo—this episode is your survival guide.

We explore:→ Why family gatherings trigger old patterns→ The loyalty bind when partner meets family→ How to handle the "still single?" comments→ Setting boundaries without guilt→ Breaking free from childhood roles→ The year-end comparison trap (and how to escape it)→ 6 common holiday relationship flashpoints→ Why you regress around family (and what to do about it)→ Creating a united front with your partner→ The power of chosen family→ Responding as your adult self, not...

What if your beliefs about love are actually keeping you from having it?

We all carry stories about what relationships should look like—from romantic movies, our parents' marriage, or that person who broke our heart years ago. These love narratives are not always true.

This episode unpacks the most damaging relationship myths: that love should be effortless, that passion inevitably fades, that conflict means incompatibility.

You'll learn: