Before You Kill Yourself: a suicide prevention podcast.
When the pain feels unbearable and we feel alone in our suffering this podcast will sit with you. Let's rediscover our purpose, reduce our pain and regain our sense of belonging. Join comedian Leo Flowers M.A. as he shares his own journey through suicidality, interviews guests with lived experiences and discusses with experts on how to escape the flames and create a life worth living.
Belonging Without Disclosure: What Halloween Might Teach Us About Suicide Prevention
What if connection doesn't always require disclosure? In this episode of Before You Kill Yourself Podcast, Leo Flowers explores what Halloween, masks, and shared experiences might teach us about loneliness and suicide prevention. From concerts and comedy shows to walking groups and low-pressure dinners, we consider how people can belong without having to explain what they're going through.
In this episode:
Why you might want company without wanting to talk about your problemsHow masks and shared rituals can create a sense of belongingThe difference between participating in life and pretending you're okayHow to create low-pressure opportunities...Finding harmony for suicide prevention
We spend so much time trying to get ourselves "in tune" through therapy, meditation, sobriety, exercise, and self-improvement. But what if feeling better isn't just about tuning ourselves? Inspired by a scene from a movie about piano tuning, this episode explores the difference between being in tune and being in harmony. Sometimes the problem isn't that we're broken or out of tune—it's that we're disconnected from the people, places, communities, and purposes that help us feel like we belong.
In this episode, we discuss:
• Why being healthy and feeling connected are not always the same...
NIGHTMARES: How to cope with nightmares to reduce suicidality
Nightmares can leave us feeling anxious, exhausted, and alone—but they may also be our mind's attempt to process fear, grief, uncertainty, and unresolved emotions. In this episode, we explore how nightmares affect our mental health, why they matter for suicide prevention, and practical tools for reducing their power.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why nightmares are linked to emotional distress and suicide riskHow sleep deprivation impacts mood, hope, and resilienceThe surprising history of dream-sharing across culturesHow keeping a dream journal can help process difficult emotionsWhy talking about nightmares with others can reduce their intensityHow Imagery Re...Why mattering matters in suicide prevention
A simple sentence may be one of the most powerful ways to make someone feel seen: "If it weren't for you..." Drawing from Jennifer Wallace's The Science of Mattering, this episode explores our deep need to know that we matter, why gratitude isn't always enough, and how sharing the impact someone has had on your life can transform both of you.
Topics include:
The difference between gratitude and matteringWhy humans need significance more than happinessThe "Five People" exerciseWhy we avoid telling people they changed our livesHow moments of mattering suspend timeThe people who may never know...Why Can’t We Just Enjoy Being Alive?
In this episode, we explore one of the most haunting lines from Kurt Cobain’s suicide note: “Why don’t you just enjoy it?” and the devastating response: “I don’t know.” We unpack why human beings struggle to feel joy through the lenses of neuroscience, psychology, evolution, trauma, addiction, overstimulation, and modern culture. From dopamine and cortisol to loneliness, achievement addiction, and the pressure to perform happiness, this episode examines why so many people feel disconnected from their own lives — and what history, philosophy, pop culture, and human connection reveal about truly feeling alive.
Topics include:
Why the brain...Therapy, Philosophy, Poetry, and the Search for Meaning
In this episode, we explore the idea that meaning often comes after action. Inspired by a lyric from Robyn’s new album Sexistential, we unpack the difference between therapy, philosophy, poetry, and relationships — and why artists, rappers, writers, and improvisers often don’t fully understand what they’re creating until after it’s made.
We discuss why overthinking can block transformation, how freestyle rap reveals unconscious truth, and why some of life’s deepest insights can only be discovered through participation rather than analysis.
Topics include:
Therapy vs existential sufferingWhy philosophy answers different questions than psychol...Mystery: How Not Knowing Keeps Us Going
In this episode, we explore why mystery isn’t something to eliminate from life — it may be the very thing that keeps us moving, connecting, hoping, and growing. Beginning with a two-year mystery involving peanut shells appearing outside a house, the conversation expands into relationships, neuroscience, detective stories, fear, curiosity, and the courage to enter the unknown.
Topics include:
Why humans are drawn to mysteries, whodunits, crosswords, and haunted housesThe psychology of curiosity and how uncertainty activates the brainWhy new relationships feel electric and emotionally aliveThe difference between healthy mystery and painful uncertaintyHow “let’s find out” can...Struck by lightning: What we can learn about pain management from lightning strike survivors
How do we cope with the mental, emotional and physical pain? Survivors of lightning strikes and electrical shocks have lessons for us.
Key coping mechanisms:
salt packetssaunamassagegroup therapymindset shiftThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journey.
If you or anyone you know is considering suicide or self-harm, or is anxious, depressed, upset, or needs to talk, there are people who want to help:
In t...
The Odyssey: What Odysseus can teach us about suicide prevention
What if feeling trapped isn’t about having a bad life—but about having a life that leaves no room for you? Using Odysseus and The Odyssey, I explore the idea that sometimes we can have love, security, success, and comfort while still feeling profoundly disconnected from ourselves.
Why Odysseus rejects Calypso’s version of paradiseHow your greatest strengths can become sources of sufferingThe difference between wanting your life to end and wanting your current life to changeWhy boredom, burnout, and entrapment can be signs of lost agencyHow asking “Where do I get to be myself?” can become a first st...When Your Job Retriggers Childhood Trauma
When a boss’s email, meeting request, or tone of feedback feels disproportionately intense, it may not be about the present moment alone. For many people, workplace dynamics can quietly reactivate older emotional patterns tied to childhood experiences of criticism, invisibility, powerlessness, or conditional approval. This episode explores how that happens—and how to recognize when the nervous system is responding to the past, not just the job.
In this episode:
Why authority figures at work can unconsciously resemble early caregiversHow simple workplace feedback can trigger shame, fear, or collapseThe role of childhood experiences in shaping adul...Ceasefire From Intrusive Thoughts
When intrusive thoughts feel like a war zone, the goal isn’t to defeat every thought—it’s to establish a ceasefire. Just as peace agreements are more likely to hold when neutral third parties monitor them, our mental peace is more sustainable when therapists, friends, journals, or mindfulness practices help us observe thoughts without escalating them.
Key Takeaways:
Intrusive thoughts can feel like repeated violations of an internal ceasefire.A neutral third party helps monitor, interpret, and de-escalate mental conflict.Therapists, trusted friends, journaling, and meditation can serve as peacekeepers.The goal is not to elimin...Hope Is Not a Mood, It's a Decision
Hope is often mistaken for a feeling of optimism, but for many people it looks much quieter: the decision to stay alive and keep going even when nothing feels certain. In this episode, we explore how hope is less about feeling inspired and more about choosing, day after day, to remain open to the possibility that life can change. Sometimes the most meaningful act is not thriving—it’s surviving.
Key Takeaways
Hope is not a mood; it is a decision.You do not need certainty to keep going.Survival is a meaningful achievement.Choosing “one more d...Crying in the Car: Why Men Tear Up After “Good” Conversations
Why do some men spend an afternoon talking about sports, parenting, and work, only to drive home listening to The National or James Blake and cry a little? In this episode, we explore the hidden loneliness of “good” conversations and why being around people isn’t always the same as feeling seen.
In this episode, we discuss:
Why men can feel lonely even after spending time with friendsThe difference between proximity and true emotional intimacyWhy tears often show up in the privacy of the carHow masculine social norms keep conversations safe but shallowThe grief of almost feelin...How to Be Unhappy in a Whole New Way
What happens after you finish the thing that gave your life structure and meaning? Whether it's writing a book, raising kids, winning a championship, or completing a major goal, the end of one chapter often leaves us feeling empty. In this episode, I explore why that emptiness isn't a sign that something is wrong, but a signal that you're ready to be challenged by life in a new way.
In this episode, I discuss:
Why achievement often leads to a surprising sense of emptinessThe difference between rest, recovery, and restlessnessThe psychology of the “arrival fallacy”Why the...Do you want to be happier or less miserable?
In this episode, I explore a simple but powerful idea: most of us aren’t actually chasing happiness — we’re trying to feel less miserable. When happiness becomes the goal, we overthink, compare, and pressure ourselves to feel a certain way. But when we shift the focus to reducing unnecessary suffering, life becomes more manageable, grounded, and sustainable.
Instead of asking “How do I feel amazing?” we ask, “What’s making life heavier than it needs to be?”
Key takeaways:
Why pursuing happiness can increase rumination and pressureHow high emotional expectations make normal days feel like failur...4 A.M. and the Miracle of Love
In this episode, I reflect on James Baldwin’s powerful insight that “a human being can only be saved by another human being,” and why 4 a.m. can be one of the most dangerous times to be alone with our thoughts. I explore how love, connection, and even the quiet presence of others can help us recognize that our lives are deeply intertwined—and that simply staying alive may be the greatest gift we give to the people around us.
Why emotional pain often feels most overwhelming in the middle of the nightWhat Baldwin meant by “the miracle of love”Wh...Celebrating our flops, failures and f*ck-ups
In this episode, I explore why failure is not something to hide, but something to study, share, and even celebrate. Drawing inspiration from the “Flops” exhibition at the Musée des Arts et Métiers, I look at how psychology, religion, science, and art all reveal the same truth: my mistakes are often the very things that shape my character, deepen my relationships, and point me toward a more meaningful life.
Why failed products like BIC for Her and New Coke can teach us about resilienceThe psychology of growth mindset, self-compassion, and learning from mistakesHow traditions like Kintsugi and te...The Story Is More Valuable Than the Footage
When a hard drive crashes, people will spend thousands—or even hundreds of thousands—of dollars to recover what they thought was lost. In this episode, I explore what data recovery can teach us about resilience, meaning, and suicide prevention.
In this episode, I discuss:
Why we often don’t realize the value of something until it’s goneHow our bodies, relationships, and memories are more fragile than we thinkThe surprising parallels between data recovery specialists and suicide hotline counselorsHow a single grain of dust—or a single thought—can cause outsized damageWhy emotional crises are often about...How to vent
Typically, when we vent, it causes more harm than good. How do we vent our emotions in a healthy way?
Thrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journey.
If you or anyone you know is considering suicide or self-harm, or is anxious, depressed, upset, or needs to talk, there are people who want to help:
In the US:
Crisis Text Line: Text CRISIS to 741741 for free, confidential crisis cou...
How to have a gardener mindset for suicide prevention
"Eat the apple. Plant the seeds." How does this quote pertain to suicide prevention?
Thrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journey.
If you or anyone you know is considering suicide or self-harm, or is anxious, depressed, upset, or needs to talk, there are people who want to help:
In the US:
Crisis Text Line: Text CRISIS to 741741 for free, confidential crisis counseling.
The National Suicide Prev...
The Drake Passage: Staying on the Ship When the Waves Hit
What do you do when your mind feels like the Drake Passage—violent, unpredictable, and overwhelming? In this episode, we break down what it actually takes to survive extreme conditions, both at sea and in your mental health.
This isn’t about powering through. It’s about learning how to stay on the ship.
What We Cover:
Why the Drake Passage is so brutal—and why no one is surprised by itThe myth of “toughing it out” vs. adjusting to real conditionsHow tools like meclizine and scopolamine parallel mental health supportThe “stay low and hold on” strat...Burnout: How to stay connected to what you love
What do you do when depression and burnout disconnect you from the very things that once made you feel alive? In this episode, I explore why progress alone isn’t enough—we need rest, play, and purpose to reconnect with ourselves and remember what makes life worth living.
Key Takeaways:
Depression often shows up as anhedonia—the inability to feel pleasure from things you still care about.Like my dog Mila, we can keep “walking” through life but still need play to avoid becoming restless and emotionally depleted.Action often comes before motivation; reconnecting starts with small acts...How to pour into self
We give, give, and give some more. How do we give back to ourselves?
Thrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journey.
If you or anyone you know is considering suicide or self-harm, or is anxious, depressed, upset, or needs to talk, there are people who want to help:
In the US:
Crisis Text Line: Text CRISIS to 741741 for free, confidential crisis counseling.
The National Suicide Prev...
SPOILERS: DEVIL WEARS PRADA 2
In this episode, I use The Devil Wears Prada and its sequel to explore the mental health costs of ambition, the hidden support systems that help us succeed, and how to pursue excellence without sacrificing our relationships, identity, and sense of self.
Visionary vs. vendorAmbition and burnoutWants vs. needsThe cost of successHidden mentors (“Nigels”)Mixed motives and self-honestyPrint vs. digital attentionSuccess without losing yourselfThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journe...
How to resist the urge to blow my life up
There's something seductive about starting over. Blowing our lives up seems like a great way to do it. How do we resist that urge?
Thrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journey.
If you or anyone you know is considering suicide or self-harm, or is anxious, depressed, upset, or needs to talk, there are people who want to help:
In the US:
Crisis Text Line: Tex...
Madeline Vosch - Undead: A Memoir of My Suicide
Today we talk to Madeline Vosch, author of "Undead: A Memoir of My Suicide." We discuss:
complicated truths of surviving a suiciderethinking concept of suicide preventionhow access to basic needs keeps people aliveThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journey.
If you or anyone you know is considering suicide or self-harm, or is anxious, depressed, upset, or needs to talk, there are people who want to help:
...
How to stay sane when the price of everything is going up
A real-time look at what it feels like when everyday costs jump overnight—and how I keep my footing when the math stops working.
Key Points:
Prices rising faster than paychecks creates emotional, not just financial, strainThe difference between failing and being squeezed by the systemShifting from convenience to control (small, practical swaps)Stabilizing mindset: survive first, optimize laterSeparating self-worth from financial pressureFinding leverage: negotiate, share, and speak upThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to ...
Interrupting thoughts vs suppressing emotions
This episode explores the difference between interrupting thoughts and suppressing emotions—and how trying to control what we feel can quietly keep us stuck. I share how I’ve learned to stop feeding the mental loop while still allowing emotions to move, instead of shutting them down.
Why interrupting thoughts can accidentally suppress emotionsThe hidden ways we avoid feeling (and why they backfire)How to let emotions exist without making them biggerA simple, real-time process for breaking ruminationThe shift from controlling feelings → allowing them to moveThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to...
Don't compare and despair - study!
In this episode, I break down the difference between comparing and studying — and why one leads to despair while the other leads to growth. We’re going to talk about how comparison quietly attacks your identity, and how to shift into a mindset that builds strategy instead of shame.
In this episode:
Why “comparison leads to despair” is psychologically trueThe difference between ranking yourself and studying patternsHow comparison turns into identity damageWhy studying others builds skill without shrinking your self-worthA simple mindset shift you can use immediatelyStop asking, “Where do I rank?”
Start asking...
Leading through anxiety and depression
In this episode, I reflect on my time leading a cottage at a group home and how stepping into a leadership role challenged my identity, anxiety, and desire to just be the “fun guy.” I unpack the psychological shift from being liked to being responsible, and how consistent structure reduced chaos, stress, and mental overload — ultimately allowing me to lead with both authority and warmth.
Why I initially hated being in charge despite caring deeply about the kids and staffThe internal conflict between being the fun, relational leader vs. enforcing rules and boundariesHow anxiety, rumination, and self-doubt intensify in lea...Are you "touch starved?"
In this episode, I talk about what it really means to be touch starved — not in a dramatic way, but in a nervous-system way. I break down why safe, consensual touch matters for our mental health and how we can get more of it in simple, intentional ways.
What “touch starved” actually meansWhy lack of touch increases stress and anxietyHow we used to experience touch vs. nowSmall, practical ways to get healthy touchThe surprising ways people try to replace itAre you stressed… or do you just need a hug?
Thrive With Leo Coaching:
If you...
BYKY is going on hiatus
I’m taking a short hiatus from the podcast to rest and reset. In the meantime, I encourage you to stay connected to at least one person, keep a small daily routine, and revisit the few episodes that truly helped you instead of consuming everything at once.
Build a simple support list, do one meaningful thing each week, and please reach out to professional or crisis support if you’re struggling — this podcast is support, not a substitute for care.
I’ll be back soon. And more importantly, I want you to be here when I return...
Why “They’d Be Better Off Without Me” Is a Distortion, Not a Truth
When someone says, “Everyone would be better off without me,” it sounds selfless — but what if it’s a distortion built on the wrong currency of worth? In this episode, we unpack the hidden assumptions behind that belief, from perceived burdensomeness to shame, control, and the quiet fear of being irredeemable.
Why “better” is often measured by productivity, not meaningHow depression turns imagination into certaintyThe difference between removal and redemptionThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewith...
Scapegoat: Why Families Need a Fall Guy
What does it mean to feel like the outsider in your own family — the one who gets blamed, ignored, or quietly cast as “the problem”? In this episode, we explore the psychology of scapegoating, why families assign roles, and how to stop seeking validation from a system that may never give it. It’s about moving from exile to self-acceptance — and building belonging on your own terms.
In This Episode:
What family scapegoating actually is (and why it happens)The emotional cost of being “the identified problem”How family systems protect themselves — not necessarily the truthThe difference betwe...The truth about loneliness, depression and despair
Is the real crisis today economic — or architectural? In this episode, we challenge the idea that loneliness and despair come from a broken ladder of upward mobility. What if the problem isn’t that we can’t climb… but that we were taught to measure our worth by climbing in the first place? Drawing from Middlemarch, modern work culture, and personal experience, this conversation explores why craftsmanship, authorship, and daily building may be the antidote to vertical despair.
In this episode:
Why the “career ladder” mindset fuels anxiety and comparisonThe difference between climbing and buildingHow craftsmanship creates inte...Poverty and suicidality
In this episode, we explore how poverty affects mental health and increases suicide risk, particularly through relative deprivation, structural barriers, and unclaimed government aid. We look at why poverty is more than a lack of money—it’s instability, stress, and social exclusion—and what coping strategies can help.
Topics covered include:
How relative income deprivation can heighten feelings of hopelessnessWhy being poor in America is often more expensive due to fines, fees, and penaltiesThe $140 billion in unused government aid and barriers to accessing itCoping strategies that protect dignity, stability, and mental healthThri...
How to cope with the four types of emotional distress
In this episode, we use the metaphor of turbulence to explore why intense moments in life can feel dangerous without actually being dangerous—and how the nervous system responds when stability feels lost. Through a grounding practice designed for “arrival,” we offer listeners a simple way to reorient their bodies after emotional, relational, or existential turbulence, without needing to fix or explain anything.
In this episode, we cover:
The four types of turbulence as metaphors for everyday life stress and emotional instabilityWhy the nervous system confuses intensity with danger—and how that fuels distressHow grounding is about or...What to do when meditation feels unbearable
Have you ever been told to “just relax” when your body felt like it was on high alert? In this episode, we unpack why that advice fails—and how suicide prevention requires understanding stress physiology, not willpower, by meeting the nervous system with safety before insight.
What we cover:
Why “relax more” is a behavioral demand, not a biological solutionThe difference between calming thoughts and regulating a stressed nervous systemFour sequencing shifts that actually help:Rhythmic movement instead of stillnessConnection before introspectionPredictability before positivityRegulation before reflectionThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want...
How to cope with a high high and low low
We explore why emotional highs are often followed by sudden lows, especially after moments of achievement, transition, or loss. We look at how identity, nervous system biology, and meaning collide — and why the crash doesn’t mean something is wrong. Most importantly, we talk about how to build guardrails for the comedown.
Key Points:
Highs stress the nervous systemIdentity amplifies the swingEndings create emotional voidsGrief intensifies contrastThe drop is often biologicalGuardrails matter more than mindsetThrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and f...
Power of Purpose
Explore the power of purpose through the story of Velasco in The Samurai and research-backed insights:
Velasco chose meaning over comfort, even at the cost of his life.Purpose drives resilience, stress tolerance, and mental well-being.Without purpose, life can feel stagnant and numbing.Discover why knowing your “why” is essential to truly being alive.Thrive With Leo Coaching:
If you want to reduce your psychological pain, regain your purpose and forge your own path, go to www.thrivewithleo.com to begin your journey.
If you or anyone you know is con...
