The Everyday Human

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 28

The child sees the simple truth of a snake’s bite and understands its meaning. 

The grown-up, though, begs that it might be declared a bad dream.

The child allows laughter to join in their dance with fear.

The grown-up drinks of the child’s laughter but is afraid to let their own out.

The child knows what is important beyond the snakebite, beyond the ending.

The grown-up must relearn to see the essential in the unsee...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 27

I woke at 4:47 this morning with the thought that Fear might be some dark poet, studying the nuance of our condition and picking apart the moments to see which are best to write about.

I thought of Fear quietly walking in the woods, following my tracks and taking out their pen to note the spots I was caught in the thorns or where I tripped over the roots and rocks I could see but did not. They stopped behind me where I could not...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 26

The storm of anger sweeps in across the ocean of my mind in the morning but at night in its wake it leaves destruction and helplessness.

What I understand and am working to better embody is that neither extreme is helpful in any regard—though I do accept that it is human to have the same thing/event/circumstance cause you to feel at different times angry and helpless. And what this serves to do when I feel myself being pulled to either end of...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 25

You realize this truth and your impulse is to cut yourself with harsh words of reproach. But today, you don’t. You find for yourself compassion instead. You step back and look at the situations objectively. You step away from those who pull you down (including yourself) and move toward those who believe in you (also including yourself). You connect the dots back to the beginning and see the causes and their effects. 

You take the sharp edge of those words and instead of usi...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 24

Knowledge is the weapon with which you destroy ignorance and without the womb of ignorance, fear cannot grow.

This is why those in power would keep us ignorant. 

This is why they would ban books and shutter schools and pull funding for the arts and humanities and sciences—because a fearful population is easy to control and an educated population is not a fearful population and therefore cannot be shackled by fear and those who would court it.

Choose to rea...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 23

The beautiful thing is that with a bit of your own training, you can see right through Fear's strategy. You can work on your defense, or better yet, do your own studying and go on the attack. Though to do this, you must recognize and know your fear first. Take it out of shadow and look at it in the light. See it for what it really is: small, irrational, and born of your own mind. 

See what it’s doing to you, see its...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 22

But what can we do to stop fear from festering? From taking control and taking our freedom?

Seek the truth. Always.

Seek the truth of what you are witnessing—without rationalization or justification or dramatization—seek the objective truth. Stop and write down your fear if you must. Getting it out of your head and onto paper dilutes it—it takes its power away from the swirling storms of your mind and pins it to the page with ink, showing it for the sm...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 21

The acceptance of uncertainty

To acknowledge that life is change

And fear

And doubt

Is when you’re ready

Not to fight back

But to flow

And take the scrapes and bruises

Standing all the same

Knowing not when they’ll come new

Or come back old

But knowing

They most certainly will

And knowing

That you will 

...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 20

You fear the hammer and chisel—that they will chip and flay your flesh—but were you not born of these things? Did they not shape you into who you are today?

Can it be possible for a piece of dead metal to choose to instill fear in you? Or have you taken your faculties and surrendered them on a platter, holding the door wide open to welcome in Fear?

Fear is born of your thoughts. While others may certainly try to inst...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 19

Two knights trek through the fields side by side in search of the lost kingdom of legend until their path comes to a fork. In one direction lies flat land as far as the eye can see, and in the other, a gently sloping hill and a larger hill after that and possibly mountains beyond and then . . . one may never know. 

The first knight says to the second, “Let us take the straight and flat path. There is nothing to block our view and sur...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 18

O the plague of doubt! 

How it afflicts us all. Most of us all. There are some certain solipsistic narcissists out there, I’m sure, who aren’t quite human because their tongues have never tasted the bitterness of self, universal, or existential doubt.

If you are sure you’ve never experienced any such doubts, then that is you. Stop here. I have nothing to offer you.

If you have experienced any such doubts, then read on. We can explore this th...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 17

Fear is a universal and unavoidable part of what makes us who we are. But it can also be unique to you based on your upbringing, environment, culture, traumas, and heartaches suffered. It’s easy to stand brave in the face of something you do not fear while another cowers. If you find yourself in this situation, do not belittle that person or downplay their fear. Instead, help them—lead by example, pick them up, and aid them in overcoming. 

You never know, you may o...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 16

My Dear Human,

In my time trapped within this book, which at this point I’ve lost track of the hours and days and months and years, I’ve come to wonder on and contemplate fear, among many other things. For the purposes of this letter, I’ve come bearing but a few select ponderings and questions around the subject of fear itself that have sprouted like celosia seedlings in the early days of summer—vast and too many to pluck without the aid of a rak...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 15

There is no longer a choice. You have but one direction to take, and that is forward.

And with this clear and certain path laid out before you comes the absence of freedom. This can be terrifying. You are no longer in control. You do not know what lies ahead and you will have no choice but to face it when it is time. Though, on the other hand, there is a freedom that comes with that lack of freedom, with that certainty and...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 14

If you are afraid

Of being found out

Don’t be that

Which you fear

They'll find

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 13

He puts his hand on your shoulder and nods, waiting for you to nod back—to acknowledge that he’s right and return to the status quo, where it’s safe and comfortable, because, he reminds you—why would you ever want to leave that?

But as you turn, the knife enters your back—you can barely feel it go in before you fall to your knees. Betrayed once again, and as you turn to look at him, he reaches down, takes your hand, and says...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 12

The band Neck Deep has a line in their song “Sonderland” that goes like this: The story of a generation so dead set on novelty / but some honesty now and then would be quite nice. And I can’t help but agree—I think what we all crave and need is less performance, less judging, less sensitivity and defensiveness, and more genuine honesty. 

Even now as I write this, there is a voice in the back of my mind—one telling me that simply saying we n...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 11

Another gray day in The City under gray clouds, but it doesn’t mean anything to Koni since it’s all she’s ever known—having been born into a dead world and having never seen the sun. On her way home from a milk stop with the single jug under her arm she stops at a corner to let an elder’s carriage cross. The old man sitting atop his red chair being carried by the shackled and bitten slaves leers in her direction as they go, b...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 10

Does it have to be like this, though? That’s rather sad for it. 

It does not. And it is.

Then how do we fix the situation?

By understanding there is no space between it and Hope and Love, rather the three are connected and inseparable. They each rely on one another to exist. Now, pay attention. Hope is the other side of Fear. And Fear is built inherently into Love—it exists within it. So without Fear, there can be no...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 9

I kept thinking and thinking, and that was about all I could come up with. And as I thought more on these reasons, they started to fall apart—at least until I reached my first reason: not being able to be here to love, protect, and support my family. The others, though? When you’re gone—will you really have the chance to miss them? Does any of that really matter? Or are those quintessentially earthly worries? Things you can only care about and think about when y...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 8

We speak so much about facing our fears, don’t we? About standing up to them, giving them the stiff upper lip and all that. Hell, I have a whole month dedicated to courage in this very book. But the truth is—and call it harsh if you want to—some situations are unbeatable. Sometimes, there’s just no winning. But that’s part of being human. Fear, and understanding when you’re licked, is part of being human.

If I can teach my daughter any...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 7

But stop and think of change for a moment. It’s not inherently bad. If a seed never underwent germination, you wouldn’t have plants and flowers and fruit. If a caterpillar never underwent metamorphosis, you wouldn’t have butterflies. If your body didn’t undergo stress in running or working out, you wouldn’t be able to complete a marathon or lift heavier weights and get stronger.

If my wife and I never went from the change of carrying to miscarriage, we never would have...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 6

Fear is a powerful thing and it can teach us great lessons about ourselves. But do not respect it more than your own needs for language and definition. Stand before it and listen to it, taking from it what you need, and when you are ready, speak your command and banish it back into the shadows before it even has a chance to think about choking you with silence.

Take then what you have learned into the world, and speak and act with it.<...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 5

“Ah, the great myth and legend.”

“Do no such times exist?”

“Depends on where you stand and what you see,” she says. Takes a moment, another sip. “Even then, there’s war to be found in a field of flowers among the ants and bees and peace and calm to be found in a field of battle among soldiers in prayer and meditation.”

“So it depends on where I stand and what I see.”

“Every day, every year, every decade, every cent...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 4

And then to push it further beneath that gray and somber cloud, I look at the world around me and see just how divided we’ve become, but then I stop and remind myself that we’ve probably always been this divided because of the nature of labels and masks and borders and beliefs being applied to territorial animals who’ve developed a habit for walking upright, wearing clothes, and living in the skeletons of trees.

You have to laugh.

I then look a...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 3

Packing day is a ways off. By the calendar Fox keeps in his mind, he has about a month or so before the day is upon him. (He’d tried the paper calendars and planners, but they just wouldn’t stick. He doesn’t have the personality for it—so he tells himself.)

As the days tick by, he sees more and more of his neighbors leaving. There goes Badger and her two cubs—everything they own packed on her back. “Getting closer now, Fox,” Badger...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 2

It is after these moments of fear from your brush with Death, when your heart is beating and your breath is rapid, and perhaps when you wear a near-manic smile on your face at the fact that you just skid off a snowy road into a ditch and totaled your car yet survived without a scratch, or near fell off a cliff in another country, or survived a fall from a ladder with no more than a sprained ankle, or came out the other side of...

October: On Fear, Doubt, and Uncertainty

October 1

But this fear of failure, and really most other fears that might float through my mind on a given day are created by me—by my mind alone. They come from nowhere and no one else. These fears, if I let them, will back me into that corner. They will take control, freezing me into a creative or personal decision-making paralysis. Because I’m safe from failure or consequences or outcomes as long as I don’t act, right? But what kind of life would that be? Th...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 30

Let it all go and relish in knowing your presence is a comfort. Relish your moments of happiness walking in the woods with a loved one, giving and receiving gifts, laughing, crying, smiling, and talking together . . . the moments of holding one another, because that might be it.

That might be the whole reason for everything.

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 29

If you find yourself mistrusting—there could very well be a valid reason for it, but perhaps more often than not, the mistrust stems from your own insecurities—something you need to confront before pinning the blame on an innocent party. 

If you find yourself the subject of mistrust in a relationship, it’s best to refrain from becoming defensive off the bat and consider what has happened and where the other person is coming from. 

In either case, take the blaming, sneaking, spying...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 28

The pane splinters and breaks and shatters and the shards fly past them, cutting them, leaving large, gaping wounds that they think is the cause of the end. But the cracks were there all along, digging soft into them to the point they couldn’t feel that slowly, oh so very slowly the flowing blood of their friendship was leaking dry all along.

A sad story for Large—he believed this whole time he was helping. Sadder, perhaps for Small, who all along believed he need...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 27

A young boy living next door.

A young girl playing blocks in preschool.

An altar boy who rang the bells when I forgot.

A new kid in class from the other side of the island.

Another kid with brown hair who didn’t fit into any cliques in high school.

A barista in a coffee shop.

A kid with a BMX bike in the backyard.

An expo in the chaotic kitchen at Applebees.

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 26

But you looked to your companion and said, “What do you think?”

“Die here with him or go on looking for his paradise,” they said.

You know it’s foolish to believe. To hold on to such a fragile thing as hope, but you nodded and the two of you continued on.

You crest the hill the fool spoke of, but you’re already wary. There has been no change in the hot and poisonous winds and no color has painted the sky.

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 25

Any time I’d find myself uncomfortable in school, it’d pop into my head—a reminder that when I survived the day, I’d have Bowie, Jaha, Sarah, Peter, May, and the rest of the Shining Force to hang out and save the world with. I’d laugh with them, strategize, and get dead serious when it was time to take down King Galam and Zeon. It was a game, sure, but it was also a place where I found the belonging I was looking for. Something...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 24

The laughter and silliness shared with my friends was fun and goofy, and while, to a degree, these friendships served to help me through some of the toughest times I had growing up, I also laughed and goofed around for the sake of laughing and goofing around. Staying up late, playing video games, or watching silly movies and cracking up until our bellies near split—those were some of the most wonderful times of my life.

Yes, much can be said about friendship, but it ca...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 23

Someone being there for you, you being there for someone. To have another to sit with you and share in your sorrow, that is a sort of rescue in itself. And while someone is with you, you’re able to experience it for yourself . . . this very human thing of being broken by emotion. You’re able to let the pain feed on you. To let it bury its fangs in your flesh and tear you asunder. To give yourself the permission to cry and to sob. Because you...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 22

Nothing good can ever come from burying the truth—however big or small, truth is truth. That being said, it usually starts with something small, doesn’t it? A white lie that you “get away with.” Intentional or not, it becomes easier to lie after that—about something just a little bigger, maybe, and then bigger than that until there’s a graveyard of truths bulldozed over by the industry of lies and cover-ups. This is where the real decay sets in, slowly eating away at the foundation t...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 21

I’ve never had friends like the ones I had when I was twelve again, because it isn’t possible. That was a select pane in the stained-glass window of my life. Those friendships and experiences I had in 1997 could only exist in that moment and place in time. I don’t talk to those guys anymore either, sometimes I wonder how they’re doing, what they’re up to, but most days I don’t. And that’s okay. Nostalgia is fine, but we can’t live in the past...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 20

About two hours later, I feel a gentle shaking on my shoulder. It takes a moment to remember who I am, where I am, and who might be waking me. “I could use some rest,” Esdras says, though somehow, he still doesn’t look tired.

“Sure, buddy,” I say, getting up to give him my spot on the bench. Evan’s still sleeping, but that’s fine. A few more hours till dawn and we’ll try and find some breakfast and a proper place to stay. For now...

September: On Friendship and Connection

September 19

I am fortunate to have a circle of friends and collaborators who do this for me, and I, in turn, do it for them. Many of my closest friends today also work in the arts. It was the act of creation that drew us together in the first place—comics, games, novels, short stories, poetry. When I send a script to an artist I regularly work with, they’ll read it carefully and critically, pointing out what works well, challenging assumptions I make, and highlighting things that coul...