Long Distance, Bit Weird

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in the heart of Canada.

This week we welcome writer, podcaster and all-round handyman Will Sloan to LDBW to talk about Canadian comedy institution The Red Green Show. Running for an astonishing 15 seasons and 300 episodes, The Red Green Show premiered in 1991 and quickly became a hit with the type of men who like power tools and the outdoors. Along the way, show creator Steve Smith built a lucrative--but puzzling--empire of Red Gre...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in the heart of Canada.

This week we begin with a wry look at the U.S. midterm elections, in which neither Sooz nor Michael participated. CLICK HERE to watch Sooz perform Trump’s entire pre-midterms White House Reflecting Pool speech as Liza Minnelli. 

Then we welcome NPR World Cafe host Raina Douris to the show to talk about the bizarre and delicious world of Canadian restaurant chains. During our ch...

Boo! Haha, only joking. Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week we have a literally terrifying episode for you. First off, Sooz and Michael have an eerie discussion about the upcoming American midterm elections, the recent Brazilian election and even Toronto's mayoral race. AaAhHhH.

Then, Sooz tells Michael all about Ghostwatch, the infamous pseudo-documentary and horror mockumentary that aired on Halloween night in 1992. Presented as a live investigative BBC news broadcast looking int...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week, in honour of Halloween, Sooz freaks Michael out by relaying the story of the Enfield Poltergeist. In August of 1977, a single mother living in Enfield, north London told the police that she had witnessed furniture moving around her home, and that two of her four children had heard knocking sounds on the walls.

Over the next 18 months, the story of the Enfield Poltergeist became a tab...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week we welcome comedian Andrew Johnston back to the pod to talk about some of the most notable female artists who rose to fame in Canada during the 1980s and 90s. Did they conquer the global charts? Not necessarily. But they were certainly on Canadian TV a lot. 

Artists discussed in this episode include Atlantic Canada's most infamous communist agitator Rita MacNeil; Metal Queen Lee Aaron; blue...

On this week's Patreon exclusive bonus episode we're reading more of the least sexy columns every written: sex columns from The Metro, London's favourite free newspaper. This is just a preview, for the full episode head to our Patreon where you'll also find a bunch more exclusive episodes and other content.

On this week's Patreon exclusive bonus episode we're being sophisticated grown-ups and, inspired by the lady who diarrhoea'd herself and everyone else at Hyrox, talking about other athletes who have done the same. It's so nice! This is just a preview but for the full almost-hour-long YES THAT'S RIGHT WE TALK ABOUT THIS FOR AN HOUR episode head to our Patreon where you'll also find a bunch more exclusive episodes and other content.

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week Sooz tells Michael the story of 90s phenomenon Lara Croft, the superstar lady protagonist of the incredibly popular Tomb Raider video game franchise. Was she aimed at girls? Did she go to school with Prince Charles? Why did her appearance change from game to game? And was there really a perverted cheat code that made her clothes disappear? Listen up to find out the answer to all of...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week Sooz and Michael share their thoughts on the new, four-hour documentary about Elon Musk they saw at the Toronto International Film Festival. Is four hours too long to stare at Elon's beautiful face? Listen to find out!

But first, there's a pizza-focused edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News."

Be sure to subscribe to the Long Distance, Bit Weird Patr...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week it's the second part of our deep dive into the world of Nigel Farage, Britain's favourite Guinness and champagne swiller. From the Brexit disaster to Reform's current £72 million pound problem, we talk about Nige's cool life since 2015.

Be sure to subscribe to the Long Distance, Bit Weird Patreon for bonus audio and video episodes. Episode two of this deep-dive in to Nigel Farage is up now o...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week it's time for us to go deep inside the world of Nigel Farage. From plane crashes to election losses to constantly getting covered in milkshake...this guy knows how to live a life! So much so that we've spread him out over two episodes. Mmmm spread em, Nige. Part one takes us from his birth to 2015. Episode two next week (or already available exclusively on our Patreon).

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. 

Are you ready to FARM? You'd better be, because this week's episode is about the wild and erotic history of British agricultural shows. Why? Because Sooz and Michael recently attended one, and it featured top tier livestock, a band playing Rolling Stones covers, and a parade of vintage tractors operated by middle class men cosplaying as farmers. Get into it, city slicker.

ALSO: a new, cider-themed edition of t...

Over on our Patreon we reviewed Vietnam War epic The Deer Hunter, a film Michael had never seen until this week. In this preview we are discussing various actors who were offered the role of the phantom in the terrible 2004 Phantom of the Opera movie. To hear the full hour-long episode (you know, the actual review) and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. 

After an interruption of services due to the Edinburgh Fringe, LDBW returns to the airwaves with a very nice episode. Sooz and Michael talk about Edinburgh, Dolly Parton, Tim Curry, a big night out in Reigate, life as pub quiz champions, and why it's not good for dogs to roll around in fox excrement.

ALSO: a new, dog-focused edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Weth...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. 

This week LDBW returns to a favourite subject, as Sooz educates Michael on Michael Jackson's 1988 "Moonwalker" film, and the subsequent 1990 video game "Michael Jackson's Moonwalker." What did Joe Pesci and Michael talk about on the Moonwalker set? Is the plot of the Moonwalker movie the daydream of a demented pervert? Do small children play a major role in both the Moonwalker movie and video game? Listen to find out!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's like something out of a Philip K. Dick novel. 

This week Sooz introduces Michael to the classic British sitcom Only Fools and Horses, which ran from 1981-2003 over seven series and sixteen Christmas specials. What's the show about? Why do millions of people love it? Who is Del Boy? And were all of the episodes really written by just one man i.e. show creator John Sullivan? Listen to f...

We're watching a clip from Alley Cats, the new animated series where cats swear. This is just a preview of course. To hear the full hour-long episode (which includes discussions of the alleged decline of Mr Gervais and his work, along with some chat about Katie Price) and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week, in the run-up to an exciting British by-election, Sooz tells Michael about the satirical political figure known as Count Binface, the latest in a long line of British novelty candidates like Lord Buckethead and Screaming Lord Sutch. If you thought politicians were clowns before... well, just listen!!!

ALSO: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News." PLUS: Sooz describes an Ins...

This is just a preview of course. To hear the full hour-long episode (which includes discussions of the Tate Brothers going to jail) and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week, Sooz and Michael give an unvarnished review of Sir Christopher Nolan's cinematic adaptation of The Odyssey. What were the highlights? Where did Sir Christopher mess up big time? How gross was it inside the Trojan Horse? And should there have been a scene that let us see the Cyclops going on a date? Yes.

ALSO: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

Once more, due to international scheduling conflicts and diplomatic difficulties, we're releasing a recent Patreon bonus episode here on the main feed. Enjoy as Michael reads two red hot letters to Wetherspoon News (one about toilets, the other about fantasy novels) and Sooz reads a sex column from Britain's free METRO newspaper about Sydney Sweeney's adult antics in Euphoria. 

PLEASE NOTE: new episodes are on the way! Than...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week, due to international scheduling difficulties, we're releasing a recent Patreon bonus episode here on the main feed. Enjoy, as Sooz tells Michael the hilarious/disgusting story of the Great Stink of 1858, when unusually hot weather exacerbated the stench of untreated human waste and industrial effluent in the River Thames and made London smell like huge ass. Things were so nasty that people were sick in the streets an...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week, Michael tells Sooz the bizarre story of Keith Richards' 1977 arrest for heroin possession in Toronto. Facing up to seven years in Canadian prison, Keith's troubles could have ended the Rolling Stones... until a fan's intervention convinced a judge to free Keith, and led to the "Satisfaction" rockers playing two charity concerts in Oshawa, Ontario for the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. Plus, did Ronnie Wood hug an...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

Oasis. Blur. Dodgy. Who were the true winners of the so-called Battle of Britpop that rocked the UK in August of 1995?* This week, Sooz tells Michael about the time that Oasis and Blur released pop singles on the very same day. It's a story fuelled by cigarettes, alcohol and countless swears. So, whether you prefer Roll With It or Country House, this week's episode is guaranteed to make you "ma...

In this bonus episode, Sooz and Michael are taking a look at the weirdly unerotic Metro sex columns, available in London's favourite free newspaper.

This is just a preview of course. To hear the full episode and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!

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ANNOUNCEMENT

ATTENTION: HUMOUR FANS - Michael Balazo's new, much-anticipated 3rd standup comedy album "Pizza Pals" is out NOW! Recorded in November of 2025, Pizza Pals is available for on Bandcamp now!

And be sure to check out...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada.

This week Sooz and Michael are together on one of the nicest couches in Britain! You won't believe your ears as they recount their exciting week together, featuring everything from slugs to surprise parties to England's triumphant World Cup opening game. It's going home.

PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News," featuring authentic steamy footage of Margaret Thatcher and Chilean di...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. OK.

This week Sooz tells Michael the unbelievable story of England's immortal football anthem Three Lions. How did it happen? Why is it so suffused with melancholy? Will the guys ever record a new version? And what is Vindaloo? Listen to find out!

But first: Michael reports on Toronto's World Cup fever; Sooz triumphs on the stage; PLUS: a new edition of the hit segment "Actual Customer Le...

Hello LDBW listeners! With the start of the 2026 World Cup just hours away, we decided to adorn your podcast feed with Michael Balazo's new song "Canada is Balls." This song is designed to unite Canada as the country prepares to win the World Cup.

There's even a slick music video for "Canada is Balls," with editing and graphics by Sooz Kempner. CLICK HERE TO WATCH IT!

Good luck, everybody!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please give generously.

This week Sooz and Michael welcome veteran quizmaster/brother Terrance Balazo to the show to talk about all things pub quiz. When did they start? Has technology made cheating inevitable? And why do pub quizzes make certain nerds lose their minds and become violent? Listen to find out!

For more on Terrance's pub quizzes in Toronto and beyond, visit Another Round Trivia.

Bu...

In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael all about The Great Stink of 1858, when the River Thames was so full of sewage and the sun was so hot that London got too stinky and parliament couldn't operate. Bit on the nose, lads! Literally.

This is just a preview of course. To hear the full episode and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Hot Stuff.

This week Michael tells Sooz about one of the rudest chapters in Canada's history: the October Crisis of 1970, when, after a seven-year bombing campaign, the militant Quebec separatist group the Front de libération du Québec (FLQ) kidnapped British diplomat James Cross and Quebec Labour Minister Pierre Laporte. Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau responded by implementing the War Measures Act, which led to tanks, soldiers and snipers on t...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. At time of publishing, 1 Canadian dollar is worth 0.54p.

This week Sooz tells Michael the story of beloved British children's television series Rainbow. Created as a British response to Sesame Street, Rainbow aired from 1972-1992. And while Rainbow lacked Sesame Street's American glamour, big budget and huge cast, it certainly had a man named Geoffrey who was forced to live in a small house with two puppets and a hu...

In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael what a Grogu is. 

Please enjoy this free episode preview, where Sooz has done some research so that she and Michael, both of whom aren't interested in Star Wars, aren't left behind in the pop culture. 

If you want to hear the entire episode AND gain access to all of our bonus content, support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon.

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. But only one is human...

This week Michael tells Sooz about the 30-40,000 young American war resisters or "draft dodgers" who decided to move to Canada instead of fighting/dying in the Vietnam War. How did the draft work? Why Canada? What type of criticism did war resisters face? And how did reactionary rocker Ted Nugent avoid going to Vietnam? Sit back and enjoy this serious BUT ALSO humorous ch...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please enjoy this!

This week we're unlocking a recent Patreon bonus episode in which Sooz reads Michael some incredibly unerotic sex columns from Metro, the UK's free commuter tabloid. If you close your eyes, you can pretend you're on an overcrowded bus... or tube!

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If you like what you hear, you can support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon. Subscribers will get early access to epi...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Haha.

This week is a treat for fans of the popular "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News" segment, as Michael reads THREE magnificent missives that touch on subjects like tiny knives, restaurant renovation and signed garbage. Then, Sooz turns up the heat with TWO sex columns from the free commuter newspaper METRO. Will you become aroused? Who's to say. WARNING: one of the sex columns is about an old ma...

In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael some little-known facts about Michael Jackson aka the King of Pop. 

Please enjoy this free episode preview, where Sooz recounts MJ's thwarted attempts to become a movie star by playing Spider-Man, Jar Jar Binks, Willy Wonka and Peter Pan. 

If you want to hear the entire episode AND gain access to all of our bonus content, support Long Distance, Bit Weird on Patreon.

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Two people from two radically different cultures.

This week, writer and podcaster Jesse Hawken drops by to talk about some VERY lucky Canadian musicians who benefited from the government's Canadian Content (CanCon) rules.

Implemented under Pierre Trudeau's government in 1971, CanCon rules were created to combat the overwhelming dominance of American music on Canadian radio, ensuring domestic artists had airplay. All of this, it was hoped, would foster a...

Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Gross!

This week, British comedy icon Robin Ince stops by to talk about the importance of comedy in dark times, how he's stayed in love with standup, being an artist with a conscience, Chris Hadfield's impossible bicycle... and MORE! 

GOOD NEWS: an extended version of this episode featuring 45 EXTRA minutes with Robin will be available on the Long Distance, Bit Weird Patreon feed shortly.

BUT FIR...

In this week's bonus episode, a sex columnist from Britain's free METRO newspaper is shocked by the trailer for the new season of Euphoria. Sooz and Michael ask when on-screen nudity and off-screen diapers are justified. 

If you want to hear more, you can get the whole episode on Patreon here!