Notes to Her

How to accept a compliment without deflecting it: I break down why you hand them back and the two-second fix in Note 81 of Notes to Her.

This one is for the woman who answers “I love your top” with where she bought it and how little it cost.

I walk through the lines we use to deflect, from “Oh, this old thing” to the compliment we fire right back, and why they leave our mouths before the kind words have a chance to land. A lot of it comes down to the opinion...

Have you ever told a friend you would never put up with what she puts up with, and then canceled on yourself for the fourth time that week? In Note 80, I talk about why the people around you follow your lead, and why the way you treat yourself is the first lesson anyone gets about how to treat you.

We get into where the habit of putting yourself last comes from, what the quiet tally of over-giving does to a relationship, and who owns what when someone treats you badly. I also give you...

If you have ever bought the planner, set the 5AM alarm, and quit by Wednesday, this Note explains what was really going on. Yaya breaks down why your brain keeps receipts on every promise you make to yourself, and why a habit that takes 60 seconds or less rebuilds that trust faster than a perfect routine ever could. You will leave with a three-step loop you can start tomorrow morning.

Inside this Note:

Some women can tell you what everyone around them needs and go blank when somebody asks what they want. In Note 78, Yaya talks about how years of "I'm fine with whatever" quietly turn into feeling stuck, and how to find the woman you were before everyone needed something from you. 

The episode ends with three questions to ask yourself and two small practices you can start this week.

Inside this episode:

Note 77 starts with a question many women avoid: if a friend skipped plans without a text, you would say something that day, so why does it take two days to draft a message when a partner does the same thing? Yaya defines the bare minimum, explains how asking slides into begging, and shares the story of a client named Renee (name and details changed) who rewrote the same text four times. You will leave with a three-step way to ask once, watch what happens, and decide without sending reminders.

Inside this episode:

After 90 days of locking in, Yaya shares what the experience taught her about confidence, and it all starts with keeping the promises you make to yourself. She walks through lessons on discipline, rest, doubt, support, and celebrating your wins, including the one she is still learning. It is a practical listen for any woman getting ready to lock in for the rest of the year.

Inside this episode:

•       Why every promise you break to yourself quietly weakens your trust in your own word

•       How discipline starts to feel like self-trust when you kee...

When your confidence and healing move faster than the people around you, friendships can get awkward fast. 

In Note 75, Yaya talks about why some friends take your growth personally, what usually sits underneath that reaction, and how to stay honest and kind without going back to the version of you that kept everyone comfortable. If you have ever edited yourself around a friend you love, this one is for you.

Inside this episode:

•       Why your calm can look like coldness to a friend who wasn't there f...

Confidence doesn't show up before you act. It shows up after, built out of proof you collect by doing the scary thing anyway. 

In this episode, Yaya calls out the advice she will never teach her clients, fake it till you make it, and replaces it with something more honest: acting despite the fear instead of performing a feeling you don't have. She tells the real story behind Slay Society, an idea she sat on for three years, and breaks down exactly what waiting to feel ready actually costs you.

This is the note you need before you make any decisions this cuffing season. Every year, the same thing happens: temperatures drop, the holidays close in, and a lot of women start accepting things in October they wouldn't have tolerated in July. 

In this episode, Yaya breaks down exactly where that pressure comes from, why it has nothing to do with the person you're considering settling for, and the repeating pattern that keeps women stuck in the same cycle winter after winter. This one's for anyone who's ever given someone three extra chances just b...

Season 2 opens with the note Yaya almost didn't let herself write, the one about feeling completely stuck in a version of your life you didn't choose. She talks about the summer she spent building Slay Society, the accident that changed how she moves through the world, and why the woman you're trying so hard to become is usually just the woman you buried trying to survive.

Inside this episode:

●      Why “reinvention” is usually the wrong project entirely

●      What actually happened to Yaya after leaving corporate, and after the accident that...

Confidence in relationships isn't always the cute, empowered version where everything clicks into place. Sometimes it's the version where you walk away, grieve someone you loved, and choose yourself anyway. In this special bonus episode, Yaya gets honest about why women settle, what it actually costs them, and the part nobody talks about: that refusing to settle can feel lonely before it ever feels free.

Inside this episode:

• What settling really looks like (hint: it's quieter than you think)

• Why so many women learned to tolerate instead of expect

• A real story...

Season 1 is officially a wrap. Seventy notes. Seventy moments of choosing yourself.

In this finale, Yaya sends off every woman who kept showing up, imperfectly, scared, unsure and did it anyway. This isn't a recap. It's a send-off, a celebration, and a challenge to carry the momentum of this season into everything that comes next. Season 2 is coming, and it's going to be bigger. Don't miss it.

Inside this episode:

• What Season 1 of Notes to Her was really about underneath all the topics

• A love letter to the woman who kept show...

You made it through the job loss. The heartbreak. The financial fear. The season where you didn't know how you'd get through. And yet here you are, still building, still growing, still showing up. In this note, Yaya slows down to honor everything you've already survived and reframes it for what it actually is: not luck, not coincidence, but proof. You are not fragile. You are formed.

Inside this episode:

• Why we rush past our hardest seasons without honoring what we survived

• The specific things women carry quietly and why they deserve to be n...

We have this idea of what a confident woman looks like, like she has it all together, all the answers, all the certainty before she takes a single step.

In Note 68, Yaya is calling that myth out and replacing it with the truth: confidence isn’t certainty, it’s trust. Trust in yourself, in your ability to figure it out, in your worth regardless of outcome. And she’s proving it with her own story of starting a coaching business from rock bottom, without a roadmap, because she believed in what she had to offer.

Inside...

You’ve been saying you’re stuck, but what if that’s not actually true? In this note, Yaya is calling out the difference between being stuck and being comfortable, and why that distinction matters more than you think. Comfort feels like safety. But staying where you’ve outgrown? That has a cost and it’s one most women don’t even realize they’re paying.

Inside this episode:

• Why “stuck” and “comfortable” are not the same thing and why the difference changes everything

• The story of Kiana: 20 years in a job she’d outgrown, and what it cost...

All season, you've been learning. Growing. Getting more aware. And now it's time to stop sitting on it.

This episode is the line in the sand. Yaya breaks down what every single pattern from this season, playing small, perfectionism, people-pleasing, avoidance, comfort, actually has in common. Spoiler: it's not fear. It's indecision. And today she's calling time on the waiting.

Inside this episode:

• The one thing all of this season's patterns have in common

• Why waiting feels safe and what it's actually costing you

• The difference between the woman who he...

You earned your seat. So why are you still standing at the door?

This episode is for the woman who just got the invite, the opportunity, the meeting, the room full of people with bigger titles, and instead of walking in with confidence, she's second-guessing whether she belongs there at all. Yaya gets into why that voice isn't wisdom, it's fear. And she shares a personal story from her corporate days that proves the point.

Inside this episode:

• Why "do I belong here?" is a defense mechanism, not a reasonable question

• The...

This one is a little spicy and exactly what you needed to hear. If you’ve been sitting on an idea, a decision, an investment in yourself, or a conversation you’ve been rehearsing for months, Yaya is here to ask you the question nobody else has: girl, what is the hold up?

Note 64 is a direct, energizing call-in on the myth of readiness, the real cost of waiting, and the one step you can take today that changes everything. This is not about being reckless; it’s about recognizing that the wait has become the block. And it...

This episode is a call-in, not a call-out. If you’ve ever over-explained yourself into oblivion, smiled through something that made your stomach turn, or stayed quiet when every part of you wanted to speak up, this note is for you. We’re talking about self-abandonment: what it looks like, why we do it, and what it’s actually costing us.

Through the story of a client named Bianca, a driven, brilliant woman who slowly went quiet in her relationship and her career, Yaya breaks down the sneaky ways we leave ourselves behind when things get uncomfortable. And sh...

If you've ever snapped at someone you love, gone silent when you had everything to say, or spent entire days running on anxiety you couldn't even name, this episode is for you. In Note 62, Yaya breaks down the difference between the Regulated Woman and the Reactive Woman and why your nervous system, not your character, might be running the show. This is the episode that reframes everything.

Inside this episode:

We talk a lot about having hard conversations with other people. But the one most women avoid the longest? The conversation with themselves.

In this episode, Yaya gets real about what it actually means to stop running from your own truth: the things you've been tolerating, the goals you've been delaying, and the version of yourself you keep pushing to the back burner.

This isn't about fixing everything at once. It's about finally being honest enough to ask the right questions.

Inside this episode:

Most women think “standards” only apply to dating.

But the truth is, your standards show up everywhere.

In how you speak to yourself.

In how you show up for your work.

In the boundaries you set with other people.

And in the environments you tolerate.

Low standards don’t just affect your relationships; they quietly shape the version of you that shows up in your own life.

In this episode of Notes to Her: The Daily Pep Talk, Yaya breaks down why becoming the woman you en...

If you constantly feel responsible for other people’s emotions… this episode is for you.

In today’s pep talk, Yaya is calling all the people pleasers to the front of the room for an honest conversation about why people pleasing isn’t kindness — it’s fear.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of conflict.

Fear of being misunderstood.

At some point, your nervous system learned that keeping everyone happy meant staying safe. So you adapted by reading the room, softening your voice, over-explaining your decisions, and putting everyone else’s comfort ahead...

Perfectionism sounds responsible.

It sounds like discipline.

It sounds like high standards.

But what if perfectionism isn’t about excellence at all?

What if it’s protection?

In this episode of Notes to Her, Yaya breaks down how perfectionism quietly keeps ambitious women stuck, not because they lack ability, but because they’re trying to eliminate the risk of judgment before they allow themselves to be seen.

Inside this note we explore:

• The real fear underneath perfectionism

• How perfectionism erodes confidence over time

• Why...

Have you ever caught yourself shrinking in a room where you belong?

Lowering your voice in meetings.

Holding back your opinion in relationships.

Hovering over the “post” button and then closing the app.

In this episode, Yaya breaks down one of the most common patterns ambitious women struggle with: shrinking in moments where visibility matters.

Not because you’re incapable.

But because at some point your brain learned that being seen could lead to judgment, rejection, or discomfort.

Inside this note, you’ll learn:

• Wher...

You’re not confused.

You’re hesitating.

In this episode, Yaya calls out the pattern so many ambitious women live in, waiting to feel ready before they make the move they already know they need to make.

Whether it’s a relationship you’ve outgrown, a role you’ve been scared to pursue, a boundary you’ve been avoiding, or a life decision you keep pushing off, this note is your interruption.

Waiting feels responsible.

But sometimes it’s just fear dressed up as patience.

Inside this episode:

Have you ever felt like you’re behind in life?

Behind in your career.

Behind in love.

Behind in confidence.

Behind in healing.

In this episode, Yaya reframes what “behind” really means and why most of the time, it’s not about timing at all.

It’s about hesitation.

Inside this note, you’ll learn:

You’ve grown.

But instead of feeling proud… you feel embarrassed.

In this powerful closing episode of the self-love series, Yaya walks you through how to stop punishing your past self for choices she made without the awareness you have now.

If you’ve ever said:

This episode will help you release shame, resentment, and self-judgment and integrate the version of you who survived.

Inside this episode:

If it costs your peace, it’s too expensive.

In this episode, we talk about why boundaries aren’t walls, they’re protection. Yaya breaks down why boundaries are one of the clearest forms of self-love and why so many women feel guilty setting them.

If you’ve been overextending, over-explaining, or tolerating things that quietly drain you, this episode will help you reconnect with your limits and your identity.

Boundaries don’t push people away.

They protect your peace, your energy, and the woman you’re becoming.

Inside this episode...

If your inner voice sounds more like a bully than a best friend, this episode is for you.

In this powerful and honest note, Yaya calls out harsh self-talk for what it really is: self-hatred. From internalized parental criticism to the pressure of perfectionism, this episode explores where that voice comes from and how it quietly destroys your confidence.

Being hard on yourself isn’t discipline.

Constantly criticizing yourself isn’t growth.

It’s emotional self-abandonment.

Inside this episode:

Overthinking isn’t your personality; it’s protection.

In this episode, Yaya breaks down what self-trust actually looks like, why so many women lose it, and how to rebuild it without forcing confidence.

If you’ve been second-guessing yourself, asking everyone else what to do, or ignoring your intuition because it feels inconvenient, this note is for you.

Self-trust isn’t about always being right.

It’s about staying with yourself, even when things feel unclear.

Inside this episode:

Some beliefs don’t show up loudly.

They sit quietly in the background and shape how you see yourself.

In this episode, Yaya gently unravels one of the most painful stories so many women carry: the belief that they were never enough.

This note isn’t about fixing yourself or becoming someone new.

It’s about remembering who you’ve always been beneath the pressure, the comparison, and the expectations.

If you’ve ever felt like you were falling short, even while doing everything right , this episode is for you.

Choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you honest.

In this episode, Yaya breaks down one of the most deeply ingrained myths women carry: that prioritizing themselves means neglecting others.

From generational conditioning to the pressure of wearing every role perfectly, this note unpacks why self-love often comes with guilt and why that guilt doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

This episode is for the woman learning how to choose herself without apology.

Inside this episode:

Confidence doesn’t start with doing more; it starts with being honest with yourself.

In this episode, Yaya breaks down why self-awareness is the foundation of confidence, clarity, and self-trust. If you’ve been feeling disconnected, stuck, or constantly second-guessing your decisions, this note is a reminder to slow down, check in, and come back to yourself.

Self-awareness helps you notice what’s actually going on beneath the surface, so you can stop reacting on autopilot and start choosing what truly aligns with you.

Inside this episode:

Peace shouldn’t come at the cost of your truth.

In this episode of Notes to Her, Yaya dives into the confidence-draining habit so many women carry, silencing themselves to avoid conflict, keep the peace, and stay “likable.”

But real peace requires honesty.

In this episode:

You can love yourself and still stay too long.

In this episode of Notes to Her, Yaya delivers a bold but necessary reminder: self-love sometimes looks like walking away, from jobs, relationships, and habits that keep you playing small.

If you’ve been feeling the quiet nudge to leave something behind, this note is for you.

Inside this episode:

Learning how to enjoy your own company is one of the most overlooked forms of self-love.

In this episode of Notes to Her: The Daily Pep Talk, Yaya explores why being alone feels uncomfortable for so many women, how loneliness is different from solitude, and why your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.

If you’ve ever stayed busy to avoid your thoughts, felt uneasy in silence, or relied on external validation to feel okay, this note is for you.

Inside this episode, we talk about:

Self-love is not something you announce. It is something you practice.

In this episode, Yaya discusses the quiet, everyday habits that reveal how you truly treat yourself, even when you claim to be “working on self-love.”

If you have ever felt burnt out, overwhelmed, or disconnected from yourself while still telling everyone you are fine, this note will help you pause, reflect, and reconnect.

Inside this episode, we talk about:

In this episode, we’re talking about:

What it really means to like yourself and how a shaky relationship with yourself impacts your confidence, boundaries, relationships, and peace.

If you’ve ever felt burnt out from overgiving, stuck in self-criticism, or caught in patterns that don’t serve you, this episode will resonate deeply.

Inside this note, you’ll hear:

On the n...

You can be successful, accomplished, and ambitious and still struggle in love.

In this episode of Notes to Her, Yaya explores the disconnect many women experience between professional confidence and emotional self-worth.

If you’ve ever felt like you know what you deserve but keep accepting less, this note will help you reconnect with yourself and reset your standards without guilt or shame.

Inside this episode, we talk about: