The Resilience Project
Illuminating the unseen impacts of adoption — for all who’ve been touched by it.The Resilience Project Podcast brings voice, visibility, and validation to the parts of adoption society rarely names - but all of us feel. Through a trauma-informed somatic lens, host Julie Brumley explores the lived experiences of the entire adoption constellation, with a tender emphasis on the adoptee experience.This podcast goes beyond storytelling into soul-telling. It offers embodied insight, compassionate education, and a path toward awareness, strength, and hope. Each episode invites listeners to understand adoption more deeply - not just with the mind, but with the...
Still Healing, Not Healed: Adult Adoptee and Former Foster Youth Dr. Mary Ann McMillan on Surviving the System and Bridging Resilience
If you're tired of trying, this one is for you.
Dr. Mary Ann McMillan is the youngest of 11 children. All 11 went into foster care. She entered the system at five months old, went through four or five foster homes, and was adopted around age six alongside her older sister. She's honest that she went through abuse and mistreatment in foster homes and never got the "Annie story," the rescue story people want to hand adoptees.
Today she's a professor of law, international relations and human rights. She has done humanitarian and refugee work across nearly 20...
Resilience Is Earned, Not Automatic: Why Adoptees Adapt (An Adoptee Remembrance Day Episode)
If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. In the U.S., call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). Outside the U.S., please contact your local crisis line.
Summary
“Kids are resilient.” Most adoptees grew up hearing some version of it. In this solo episode, released the day before Adoptee Remembrance Day and two days before her adoption day and the podcast’s one-year anniversary, Julie takes a hard, honest look at the word her podcast is named for.
Drawing on Jean Kelly Widner’s The Adoption Par...
Adoptee Bodywork & Reiki: Meet Diane Maury, LMT, with Dr. Liz DeBetta | Un-M-Othered Retreat
For many adoptees, our earliest experience of touch was tangled up with separation. So what does it look like to let the body be held again, with care, consent, and choice?
In this episode, Dr. Liz DeBetta and I introduce the newest member of the Un-M-Othered retreat team: Diane Maury, LMT, adoptee, licensed massage therapist, reiki practitioner, and founder of Rooted River Wellness. Diane shares her adoption story: foster care, a confidential intermediary search, DNA discoveries, and the secondary rejection so many of us know. She also shares how twenty years of bodywork became part...
Black-Market Baby: Patricia Knight Meyer on Wonderland, a Made-Up Birthday, and Learning Love Doesn’t Have to Mean Loss
In 1970, outside a Houston hospital, a couple pulled up to a curb and drove away with a newborn. No agency. No judge. No paperwork. That baby was Patricia Knight Meyer.
Julie and Patricia met in person at Adoption: The Making of Me in Austin this April, squealing and hugging like old friends after years of finding each other online. Patricia’s memoir, Wonderland: Memoir of a Black-Market Adoption, is Julie’s favorite adoptee memoir she has ever read.
In this conversation, they go underneath the story Patricia has told in so many places. They talk abou...
Born Adopted: Paige Strickland on Searching Before the Internet, a Birth Father's Secret, and Telling Her Story in Verse
Paige Strickland was born in Ohio in 1961 and adopted as a baby, at a time when records were sealed and adoptees were expected to be grateful and never look back. She loved her adoptive family. She also grew up feeling like being adopted was a Scarlet Letter A, a secret she didn't tell her college friends, her coworkers, or anyone but the man she was about to marry.
Then in 1987, a morning talk show changed everything. Paige learned her Ohio records were open, sent in two forms of ID and $20, and spent a summer going back and...
Open Adoption Didn't Fix Everything: Adopted Connor on "Proof of Life" Visits, Belonging Beyond DNA, and the Business of Adoption
Resources & Links Mentioned
Adopted Connor on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and Facebook. He answers DMs, not comments.PatreonThe Primal Wound by Nancy VerrierYou Don't Look Adopted by Anne Heffron (Connor's favorite adoption book)Poverty, by America by Matthew DesmondGretchen Sisson's book RelinquishedSchedule a call with Julie Register for the Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreatJoin The Refuge Membership Community hereJulie sits down with Connor Howe, known online as Adopted Connor, a former marketer turned adoptee advocate whose bio says it plainly: "Adoption is what happens when governments choose not to take care of their people. 'Open' a...
Damon Davis on 279 Adoptee Interviews, Two New Books, and Being "a Branch on Someone Else's Family Tree"
Resources & Links Mentioned
- Who Am I Really? podcast - On all platforms
- Who Am I Really?: An Adoptee Memoir
- Updates on Damon's two forthcoming books
- Adoption: The Making of Me - live event series Damon MCs; next stop Los Angeles, created by Sarah Reinhardt and Louise Brown
- Big Happiness Documentary by Dahee Kim here
Schedule a chat with Julie here
Join The Refuge Membership Community here
Julie sits down with Damon Davis - creator and host of the...
Adopted Therapist Melissa LaCour on Why a "Good Adoption Story" Still Needs Healing
Resources & Links Mentioned
- Get *Belonging: A Guided Journey Through Adoption Wounds & Wisdom* (available on Amazon and as a digital download) - here
- Melissa on Instagram
- Melissa's website (therapy services in Louisiana, Ohio, Indiana, Georgia, and Minnesota)
Register for Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreat here AND register to attend the NAAP Happy Hour where we will talk all about it here
Register for the 4th iteration of Revelation LIVE here
Connect with Julie here
Melissa LaCour has what she calls a...
Adoptive Mom Courtney White on Ending the "Grateful Adoptee" Story and Building a Parenting Tool That Actually Helps
Resources & Links Mentioned
Get Courtney's self-regulation tool for foster/adoptive parents hereCourtney on Instagram Parenting Different websiteChat with Julie here
Join The Refuge Membership Community here
Foster and adoptive parents are so often set up to fail their kids - not because they don't love them, but because no one ever taught them how to regulate themselves first. In this episode, Julie sits down with Courtney White, an adoptive mom who, alongside her husband, welcomed three siblings (ages 7, 9, and 11) into their family after the children's parents were incarcerated. Courtney and her husband m...
Twice Delivered: An Ethiopian Adoptee on Faith, Grief & the Body He's Never Explored with Isaac Melber
Resources mentioned:
Twice Delivered by Isaac MelberConnect with Isaac:
WebsiteInstagramFacebookConnect with Julie:
DM me on any of the socials, or schedule a conversation - I'd love to hear where you areJoin The Refuge Membership Community hereRegister for Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing hereIsaac Melber was four years old when his grandfather, uncle, and sister looked him in the eyes and told him he had to go - because staying in his Ethiopian village meant he would not survive. At five, he was adopted into a white American family. At...
The Enneagram for Adoptees: Untangling Who You Are From Who You Became to Survive with Jennifer Hiltebeitel
Connect with Jennifer:
Instagram
Free 30-minute consultation here
Connect with Julie:
Register for the Bring Your Burden Gathering tonight!!! - here
DM me on any of the socials, or schedule a conversation - I'd love to hear where you are and how I can support you.
Many of us as adoptees confuse who we are with who we became to survive. In this episode, I sit down with Certified Enneagram Coach and fellow adoptee Jennifer G. Hiltebeitel to explore how the Enneagram - held gently, not as a...
The Long Game: Navigating the Reunion Rollercoaster with Grace - with Elizabeth Barbour & Leslie Pate Mackinnon (Retreat Series #3)
Register for The Long Game here
CONNECT WITH ELIZABETH & LESLIE
Elizabeth Barbour: Instagram, website
Leslie Pate Mackinnon: website
Register for Bring Your Burden Gathering here
Reunion is not an event. It's not the airport hug or the tearful montage. It's a whole web of relationships your nervous system has to learn how to live inside of - and nobody hands you a map for that.
Until now.
The accidental retreat series continues with Elizabeth Barbour and Leslie Pate Mackinnon, co-facilitators of The Long Game: Navigating the Reunion...
"I've Done the Work - Why Do I Still Feel Shame?" | Somatic Healing, Nervous System Regulation & Sacred Sisterhood with Becky Aste + Bridget Covill
🌿 Learn more + reserve your spot here
Connect with Our Guests:
Becky Aste Bridget CovillSchedule a call with me here
Join The Refuge Membership Community here
You've regulated. You've journaled. You've done more inner work than most people you know. And yet there's still a quiet place inside that can't fully exhale.
This week, I'm joined by two women who have become true co-laborers in this work with me - Becky Aste, trauma-informed somatic marriage coach...
Announcing Un-M-Othered Revolution 2.0: A Healing Retreat for Adoptees in December (with Dr. Liz)
Important Links:
Hear directly from the pilot participants here
Register for Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing retreat here
Red Poppy Website
Catch Julie and Liz in person at the Making of Me event in September
Join The Refuge Membership Community here
The retreat is back. In this special announcement episode, Julie is joined by her co-facilitator, colleague, and friend Dr. Liz DeBetta to share that Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing returns December 4–6, 2026 - this time at the Red Poppy Center for Renewal in Highland, Michigan, wi...
"You Don't Owe Them Your Loyalty": Brielle Wilson on Foster Care, Religious Trauma, and Reclaiming Her Story
A note on content: this episode includes direct discussion of childhood sexual exploitation/grooming, teen pregnancy, foster care system failures, and religious trauma. Please take care while listening, and feel free to pause or come back to this one when it feels right for you.
Links -
Brielle's resources
Brielle's Books
Brielle's Social Handles - TikTok & Insta - @briinthemaking; YouTube - @Bri_MFTintern; Facebook - Bri W, MFT Intern
Connect with Julie
Join The Refuge Membership Community
In this episode, I sit down with Brielle...
Why Transracial Adoptees Feel Like Strangers in Their Own Mirror (And What Reunion Taught Adam Esparza)
LINKS & RESOURCES
About the Adoptee Mentoring Society: founded by Angela Tucker (author of "You Should Be Grateful"), AMS offers mentoring, lounges, and community that is by adoptees, for adoptees - a place where you never have to over-explain yourself.
Connect with Adam here
Connect with Julie: DM on any of the socials (links below), or schedule a conversation.
Some adoption stories get told over and over. Others stay in the dark. In this episode, Julie sits down with Adam Esparza - transracial, transnational adoptee from Guadalajara, Mexico, advocate and ambassador with...
Born Brokenhearted and Expected to Be Whole: Adoptee Grief, Faith, and Healing with Anita Garber
LINKS + RESOURCES:
- Get Anita's book, Wading in the Waves - available on Amazon
- Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency
- The Roar: God's Sound in a Raging World by Bob Hazlett
- The Danger of a Single Story (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)
- Adoptee Voices writing community
- Schedule a conversation with Julie
- The Refuge Membership Community
SUMMARY:
What if the wound you carry has no memory attached to it... and your body remembers...
Why Milestones Hit Different for Adoptees (And the App That Gets It) with Zoe & Ellie of Unfolding
CONNECT WITH ZOE, ELLIE + UNFOLDING
Website + waitlist
Instagram
Facebook
Also on LinkedIn - follow along as they unfold, live.
CONNECT WITH ME
Join The Refuge Community Membership
What happens when two adoptees sit down for coffee at a place called the Blue Kangaroo? Apparently, a movement.
This week I'm joined by two women I can only describe as kindreds: Zoe Hansen-DiBello and Ellie Robinson, co-founders of Unfolding - an app built by adoptees, for adoptees, launching THIS month. Their tagline is "where curiosity meets...
Un-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing - Five Adoptees on Experiencing the Five Conditions
Links
How to connect with all Dr. Liz is doing
Schedule a Connection Time with Julie
Looking for Community Like the Retreat Created?
Five Voices, One Room
This episode is different from the rest of the series. Instead of teaching the five conditions solo, Julie sits down with Dr. Liz DeBetta and five adoptees - Mike, Jill, Nicole, Jeremy, and Jen - who were part of the Un-M-Othered retreat in Moscow, Idaho this past May. Together they walk back through Curiosity, Clarity, Capacity, Connection, and...
Why Healing Doesn't Stick (And What Adoptees Need Instead of Another Breakthrough)
Link
Schedule a Call with Me
The Refuge: A Community Membership
In This Episode
Have you ever had a real breakthrough - a moment of genuine opening - and then watched it slowly close again a few days later?
That is not failure. That is not you doing it wrong. That is what happens when we expect insight alone to rewire a nervous system.
In this final episode of the 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging series, Julie Brumley walks through the fifth and most quietly...
Why Adoptees Feel Alone Even When They're Loved (And What Connection Actually Requires)
Link
Schedule a Call with Me
The Refuge: A Community Membership
In This Episode
Have you ever worked incredibly hard to be loved, and still felt completely unknown?
That is not a character flaw. That is what happens when the part of you that most needs to be seen learned early on that it wasn't safe to come out.
In this episode, Julie Brumley explores the fourth condition of the 5 Conditions of Self-Belonging: Connection. She names the paradox so many adoptees live inside...
Why Adoptees Abandon Themselves (And How to Finally Stay)
Links
Schedule a call with me
In this episode:
What if capacity isn't about handling more - it's about leaving yourself less?
In this episode, Julie Brumley dives into the third condition that cultivates self-belonging: Capacity. This is the heart of the series, and the condition that surprises people most. Capacity isn't becoming someone who never gets overwhelmed. It's the ability to stay connected to yourself while emotion exists - to feel the wave without losing the thread back to yourself in the middle of it.
<..."What's Wrong With Me?" - Why Adoptees Ask This and What to Do Instead
Links
Last week's episode on Condition 1 - Curiosity
Connect with Julie
Clarity isn't certainty. It's awareness. In this episode, Julie explores the second condition for self-belonging: the gentle, non-judgmental ability to notice what's happening in you - without needing to have it all figured out first.
Building on last week's episode about curiosity, Julie unpacks why so many adopted people (and others with early trauma) get stuck waiting for complete understanding before they allow themselves to heal, and why that's not how healing actually works.
In...
Why Adoptees Disconnect from Themselves (And How Curiosity Helps)
Links & Resources
Schedule a Connection Call with Me
Understanding Your Nervous System: A Guide for Adoptees and Those Who Love Them
Summary
In this first episode of a brand-new series inspired by Julie Brumley’s workshop The Art of Cultivating Belonging: Returning to the Body After the Story, Julie explores the first condition that helps self-belonging begin to emerge:
Curiosity.
As adoptees - and honestly, as people shaped by trauma - many of us learned to immediately judge, suppress, explain, minimize, or abandon wh...
Changing the Meaning Part 2: The Laws Behind the Associations We Carry
Resources Mentioned
Revelation LIVEUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee Healing RetreatSchedule a call with JulieSummary
A few weeks ago, Julie Brumley released an episode about changing the meaning we attach to experiences and how those meanings shape the stories, emotions, and patterns we repeat.
But in this episode, she goes deeper.
Because meanings don’t just shape thoughts.
They shape the emotional and nervous system baseline we live from.
Through an adoptee lens, Julie explores three concepts she first learned from mentor Kelly Brock:
...Becoming Sovereign After Survival: Nervous Systems, Identity & Healing with Kelly Brock
Summary
In this deeply personal conversation, Julie Brumley sits down with mentor, coach, and friend Kelly Brock, the woman whose podcast sparked the beginning of Julie’s adoption-focused work back in April 2023.
Together, they explore how survival patterns become identities, why the nervous system shapes what we expect from relationships, and how old associations recreate familiar patterns.
Kelly shares her perspective on sovereignty, nervous system healing, and learning to stop building a life around adaptation and performance. Julie weaves in her lived experience as an adoptee, including how early disruption shaped her...
What It’s Like to Love an Adoptee: Being Seen, Staying, and Learning Along the Way
Summary
In this deeply personal and relational episode, Julie sits down with her longtime friend Cathy Rosenquist - someone who has had a front-row seat to some of Julie’s most defining seasons.
From loss and reunion to therapy, identity, and divorce… Cathy didn’t just hear about it. She lived alongside it.
This conversation offers something rarely spoken about in adoption spaces:
What is it like to love an adoptee through it?
Through honest reflection, Cathy shares what she saw, what she didn’t understand at first, a...
How to Change the Meaning You Attach to Things (And Break Old Patterns)
Summary
In this embodied, real-time conversation, Julie Brumley walks listeners through a powerful shift: the meaning we attach to our experiences shapes our stories, emotions, and the way we move through the world.
Most of us think we’re reacting to what’s happening now… but often, we’re responding to what we expect to happen based on the past.
Through personal examples and guided reflection, Julie shows how old meanings - like “I’m too much” or “something is wrong with me” - keep us stuck in familiar patterns.
This episode int...
Why Love Doesn’t Feel Safe for Adoptees (And How to Change It)
Summary
In this personal, embodied episode, Julie Brumley shares a realization that emerged through guided journaling and somatic reflection:
For many adoptees, love didn’t feel safe, it felt something to earn.
Through reflective questions and body-based practices, Julie explores how early experiences shape our relationship to love, safety, and connection. She shows how adaptations like people-pleasing, control, and hyper-awareness aren’t flaws, but intelligent responses the body learned to stay safe.
This episode invites you out of performance and into presence.
Not by fixing yourself, but by r...
The Day Everything Changed (And Why I Created Revelation LIVE)
✨ Summary
In this episode, Julie Brumley shares the defining moment that redirected her work from addiction into adoptee healing - and the deeper understanding of belonging that followed.
She introduces Revelation LIVE, a 7-day guided experience designed to help adoptees make sense of their patterns, reconnect with themselves, and begin experiencing belonging from within.
✨ Keywords
adoptee healing, belonging, identity, attachment, self-discovery, nervous system, trauma-informed coaching, emotional integration
✨ Key Topics
The moment that initiated Julie’s transition into adoptee-focused workHow early separation shapes identity...Uncovering Roots: A Bulgarian Adoptee's Search for Community
Summary
In this heartfelt interview, Nicole Quirino shares her complex journey as an international adoptee from Bulgaria, exploring themes of belonging, identity, and the search for her biological family. This conversation sheds light on the nuanced experiences of adoptees navigating systemic barriers, cultural identity, and emotional resilience.
Keywords
adoption, international adoptee, Bulgaria, identity, belonging, DNA testing, search for family, systemic barriers, mental health, community
Key Topics
The impact of maternal separation at a young age
Challenges in adoptee community spaces
The role of DNA...
Understanding Your Nervous System: A Guide for Adoptees and Those Who Love Them
Summary
This episode explores the polyvagal theory, trauma responses, and how understanding our nervous system can aid in healing from primal trauma, especially for adoptees. It offers practical grounding tools and insights into self-regulation.
Keywords
Polyvagal Theory, Trauma Responses, Adoptee Healing, Nervous System, Self-Regulation, Primal Trauma, Somatic Therapy, Self-Compassion, Grounding Techniques
Chapters
00:00 - Understanding the Severance Cycle and Trauma
04:26 - Exploring Polyvagal Theory and Nervous System Responses
07:14 - Defining Primal Trauma and Its Impact
09:58 - The Polyvagal Ladder: Navigating Autonomic States
12:33...
Breaking Cycles: A Deep Dive into Adoption and Identity with Sydney Curtin
Join Julie Brumley in an in-depth conversation with Sydney Curtin about her complex adoption journey, healing from past wounds, and breaking intergenerational cycles. This episode offers profound insights into identity, forgiveness, and the power of owning your story.
keywords
adoption, healing, identity, forgiveness, intergenerational trauma, mental health, personal growth, adoption journey, mental health awareness, mental health advocacy
key topics
Adoption from multiple perspectives including birth and adoptive experiences
Healing from trauma and loss, including suicide and abuse
Breaking intergenerational cycles and personal growth
Chapters<...
Nothing Is Wrong With You: The Severance Cycle in Adoptee Healing
In this episode, Julie Brumley shares a framework foundational to her work with adoptees: Not because something is wrong with you… but because your body learned a different cycle. Drawing from the Satisfaction Cycle (Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen), she explains how attachment unfolds through attunement and safety. But for adoptees, that cycle is often interrupted. From that disruption, Julie introduces the Severance Cycle, a pattern she developed to describe what happens when connection is broken before we have words. This isn’t just theory. It’s the lived experience of so many adoptees. And when you understand it… everything starts to make...
Behind the Curtain of the “I Am a Burden” Belief: What We Explored in the Gathering
Summary
Julie Brumley shares her personal journey of healing from adoption-related trauma, emphasizing the importance of body-based work and inner belonging. This episode explores limiting beliefs, the role of somatic therapy, and practical steps for adoptees to reconnect with their true selves.
Keywords
adoption trauma, healing, somatic therapy, belonging, limiting beliefs, inner work, resilience, identity, trauma-informed care
Key Topics
Trauma and adoption
Body-based healing and somatic work
Limiting beliefs and inner narratives
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Personal Context
02:39 Common E...
Adoptee Healing Beyond Talk Therapy: Plant Medicine, Identity, and Integration
Discover how adoptees can navigate trauma, identities, and healing through embodied practices, plant medicines, and community connection. Join Julie Brumley and Joni Kim as they explore innovative paths beyond traditional therapy for profound transformation.
In this episode:
The limitations of talk therapy for deep, pre-verbal traumaHow plant medicine uncovers the origins of identity and healing gapsThe concept of identity alchemy and transforming survival mechanisms into conscious leadershipThe significance of preparation and integration in psychedelic journeysThe unique physiological and energetic impacts of adoption traumaThe role of community, spirituality, and curiosity in healingPractical steps for discernment...Overcoming the Burden: An Adoptee's Journey to Self-Love and Community
In this heartfelt episode of the Resilience Project podcast, Julie Brumley sits down with Jennifer Skiles - an adoptee and author - to explore the deep roots of the "I am a burden" belief and how it shapes the lives of adoptees. They discuss becoming aware of this inner narrative, healing through community, faith, and self-compassion, and the transformative power of sharing stories.
Key topics:
The impact of early abandonment and societal messaging on adoptee self-perceptionHow writing a story and embracing vulnerability facilitated healingThe role of faith and spirituality in recovering identity and hopeRecognizing...You Are Not a Burden: The Hidden Identity Belief Many Adoptees Carry
In this heartfelt episode, Julie Brumley shares her personal journey from feeling like a burden to embracing her healing. She discusses the transformative power of community, understanding body sensations, and shifting perspectives to foster belonging and self-compassion.
Key Topics:
The origin of the phrase "I am a burden" and its emotional impactHow sensations in the body reveal subconscious beliefsAnnouncing a free online event for adoptees exploring identity on March 3rdThe difference between knowing concepts and integrating them into healingThe importance of community in the healing processChallenging the victim mindset and reframing trauma as happening...Surrender Over Control: The Missing Piece in Adoptee Healing
Discover how surrender, rather than control, can transform the adoptee’s healing journey. In this episode, Julie explores the deep psychological and somatic stages of adoptee awareness and how embracing surrender leads to genuine self-belonging.
In this episode:
The misconception that mastery and control are the core issues for adopteesHow early trauma impacts our response to loss and controlThe adoptee consciousness model: five pivotal stages of awarenessKey somatic cues associated with each stageThe importance of surrender as a radical act of self-trust and agencyPractical prompts for identifying your current stage and practicing surrenderResources for de...Intimacy and Adoption: Why Love Feels Complicated
Slides that I shared - https://drive.google.com/file/d/13QWm6K6AIEwWYVNtO-ZNHTwB7WPscNlT/view?usp=sharing
Summary
In this episode of the Resilience Project Podcast, Julie explores the complexities of love, intimacy, and interdependence, particularly in the context of adoption. She discusses how early experiences shape our ability to connect with others and emphasizes the importance of self-love and understanding our internal family systems. Through practical insights and personal anecdotes, Julie encourages listeners to reflect on their relationships and take actionable steps towards healthier connections.
Takeaways
