Don’t Scare the Newbies!
Kink can be scary, but talking about it doesn’t have to be! S and kirizal, a couple in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange relationship chat about kink, sex, relationships, communication, and everything in between Winner of Best Media, Alternative Awards 2026Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
A Masked Assailant With a Store-Bought Penis: Planning for Public Play
What goes into planning for a public play event? In this episode, kirizal and S talk about the considerations for planning a public scene - fetiquette, rules, equipment, time, and the role of the audience - love the attention or terrified of it, they’re there! Then, W/we get into some actual planning - see how W/we plan four days worth of scenes for an upcoming event, including the much anticipated second interrogation.
Content Note: Discussion of breath play, blood play, consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, burns, and historical torture
Follow ki...
The Full Bloody Experience: Period Sex
This week, kirizal and S are talking periods. While period sex doesn't necessarily have to be a kink, it can be - and W/we talk about what this does for U/us. S shares why They took a while to get on board with getting bloody, W/we talk about the impact of misogyny on how periods and period sex are seen, and the emotionally masochistic intersection of dysphoria and pleasure for kirizal. Plus - period sex isn't gross... BUT. How W/we get gross and degrading in O/our play.
Content Notes: Discussion of blood...
Leather and Laces: Leather Community and Bootblacking with Duncan and Tea
This week’s guests are Duncan, one of the founders of Newcastle Leathermen, and Tea, a bootblack and Newcastle Leathermen’s first nonbinary member. Plus Tea’s partner popping in with an occasional comment! O/our guests share the power of community, culture differences between Leather communities and the Fetlife-based kink scene, visibility and how Newcastle Leathermen navigate venues and social media, bootblacking and why this role is so valued, and an overview of Leather history and its impact.
Find out more about Newcastle Leathermen at https://www.newcastleleathermen.com/
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all...
Are W/we Actually Quite Gay: Sexual Orientation
This week, kirizal and S are chatting about sexual orientation - from O/our coming out stories (one at 14, and one at 41!), kirizal’s multiple coming outs and the pan vs bi distinction, T4T dating, and whether O/our kink identities are a part of sexual orientation for U/us. Plus - outsourcing the terrifying task of talking to women, hot takes from S and the usual soapbox moments from kirizal.
Content Note: Discussions of homophobia and biphobia
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials and O/our merch at www.kirizal.com<...
Giving Up The Trappings of Adulthood: ABDL & Ageplay with Jenby Doll & Tealeaves
Adult babies Jen and Tealeaves sat down with kirizal and S this week to share their experiences - through all the noise of stigma and misconceptions, they share the authenticity and joy of little space, kink as a core part of identity, the intimacy of vulnerability, and lots more. Plus - censorship and recent legal challenges, a fascinating diversion into inducing lactation, and Jen's plans to make an ABDL romcom (W/we are already so sat - someone please, fund it!).
Content Note: Detailed discussion of diaper wearing and use, kinkshaming and stigma, and some conversation about...
Can W/we Be Your Weird Cousins: Kink At Pride
It's Pride Month, so in the first of O/our queer focused episodes kirizal and S jump straight in with the annual discourse topic, does kink belong at Pride? W/we also chat about O/our first Prides, the commercialisation and coorporate involvement in Pride season, bystander consent, children and families at Pride, purity culture and the very British fear of acknowleding sex, and lots more! kirizal also manages to make S feel "a bit sick" which, given some of the stuff that they say on a regular basis, is quite impressive.
There's a bit of a...
Just me And The Cat: Addiction, Recovery, & A Little Bit Of Kink
After the S-heavy long distance episode, W/we thought it was kirizal's turn to have the spotlight and dive into one of their specialist topics - addiction and recovery. kirizal spent most of their 20s battling mental health issues which spiralled into drug dependency and a crisis that almost cost them their life. In this episode W/we talk about that journey through into recovery, unmasking the darker side of 12 step programs, and kirizal's post-recovery life and the shift to a recovery-capital based moderation approach. But what does that have to do with kink? W/we talk about pleasure-seeking...
Getting Very Very Sleepy: Hypnosis with Lana and Edward
Lana and Edward join kirizal and S to give U/us an introduction into the wild world of erotic hypnosis. Navigating censorship to find resources, what appeals about the closest thing to magic and mind control that people can tap into, favourite experiences and riskiest mistakes, managing risk, and an overview of how it works. This episode may have unlocked a new kink for U/us - and offers a fascinating insight into an often hidden area of kink.
Content Note: Discussion of psychology heavy play including false perception of serious injury, inability to recognise a partner...
Just Hit me With Your Car: Crash (1996)
Once again kirizal and S are watching a movie, and James Spader is playing a pervert (with hair)! This week W/we're discussing the 1996 movie Crash - but if you haven't seen it, come on in, the plot is light and the episode gets deep! W/we're here for the controversy and censorship that surrounded Crash on release, the intersection between sex, technology, and urban isolation, and asking the question does representation matter when fetishism is portrayed so far outside reality? Plus - what is non-diagetic kink, what can Crash tell U/us about how the eroticisation of a...
Thicker Than Water: Playing with Blood
This week, kirizal and S get into all the gory details of blood play. From the visual appeal to the perceived - if not always actual - intensity, W/we chat about what it does for U/us and the unique sensations. W/we share some memorable scenes - including the first time W/we met and the first time W/we had sex, plus chat toys and techniques, the details of planning a scene, and the all important safety and risk tips. Plus - S finds out for sure that They're not a masochist in quite a spiky...
The Kink Dynasty: Life as a BDSM Model & Author With Ariel Anderssen
BDSM model and author Ariel Anderssen (who is also kirizal's sister!) - joins U/us on the podcast this week. She shares her story of overcoming shame from a Jehovah's Witness upbringing and healing from abuse, discovering kink in the time before Fetlife, and stories from her long and impressive career. Plus - feminism and kink, kink community outside the munch and play event scene, and the impact of increasing censorship on the adult industry.
Content Note: Discussion of religious shame and the impact of child abuse
Ariel's new book, Dirty, is coming in early...
The Written Soundtrack: Long Distance Relationships
This week, S takes the lead with Their first time writing the episode outline (exciting!) as W/we tackle the topic of long distance relationships. While kirizal has never dated further than a couple of counties over, S spent three years in a relationship at a distance of 4000 miles. Covering the joy and creativity of long distance love, the challenges of supporting a partner when you can’t just pop over for a hug, how sex works when you rely on a phone line and a bluetooth connection, and navigating discipline and structure in power exchange when a submissive is...
I’ve Had Another Idea: Running Kinky Businesses with Lydia, Founder of Kilter
This week, Lydia - founder of luxury bondage brand Kilter - joins kirizal and S to put the Business Development, Sales, and Marketing into BDSM. W/we chat about the challenges of promoting adult businesses on social media, the realities of starting a BDSM brand, her dad’s enthusiasm for her business, and life as a kinky lesbian.
Find more of Lydia at:
https://bykilter.com/
https://www.subtlebond.com/
https://www.instagram.com/lydiacoulter_
https://www.tiktok.com/@lydiacoulter__
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all thei...
The Jalapenos on the Nachos: Degradation and Humiliation
In this episode, Mx and kirizal dig into shame, objectification, worthlessness, and all the messy emotions of degradation and humiliation. How these kinks can enhance O/our play, why they turn U/us on, and a deep dive into trauma play, body shaming, verbal degradation and humiliation, and "the umbrella of gross kinks". Plus - kirizal's journey into emotional masochism, negotiation and aftercare skills, and Mx discovers that kirizal doesn't know how to burp.
Content Note: This episode covers some heavy topics and common 'icks' throughout, in detail. Misogynistic and fatphobic language, mentions of transphobia play, child...
The Filthy Nature of Money: Financial Domination
Enthusiastic findom newbies kirizal and S dive into the controversial subject of playing with money. W/we chat about the politics of playing with the power of capitalism, the taboo of talking about money in relationships, and why financial domination carries so much stigma and shame. Plus - ethics and safety, the symbolism and meaning behind giving and receiving money, and how findom works for U/us in the context of an ongoing and intimate relationship.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at pa...
Big Enough To Hurt, Small Enough To Fit: Does Size Matter?
This week, W/we’re bigger than ever - talking big dicks, big toys, and fisting. kirizal dives into what’s going on with their size kink, while S is in it for the objectification and mad science. W/we tackle the age old question of does size matter, chat porn dick and dick pics, and discuss the appeal of non-standard sex toys. Plus - safety, stretching tips, and kirizal forces S to accept compliments.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/do...
Embrace the Silly: WAM and Looner Kinks with Bunny and L
This week, Bunny and L join kirizal and S for a chat about the sillier and more lighthearted side of kink - WAM (wet and messy) and looner (balloon) kinks! Bunny is an adult content creator and takes U/us through their adventures of discovering new desires through performance, experiences of running specialist kink events, and what the draw is of these desires. L - one of their partners - shares their experiences of being along for the ride and the kinks they acquire along the way. Clown energy and giggles on the podcast this week - with, as...
Authentically Deviant: Secretary
Time for another kinky movie, and this time it’s Secretary. kirizal and S talk about relatability in awkwardness, agency in submission, and the joy in seeing kink on screen represented as genuinely perverse and unpolished. Plus - masochism and self harm, neurodivergence in kink, and W/we find out if kirizal can read out a movie quote without crying.
Content Note: Spoilers for Secretary throughout, detailed discussion of self harm both in the movie and personal experience, discussion of consent issues including coercion and sexual harassment. The movie also includes a scene of domestic violence - wh...
Poking Fun: Sharps Play with Mark
On this episode, Mark joins kirizal and S to talk about sharps play - needles, blades and scalpels. W/we chat about finding the resources to learn these types of skills, vetting and negotiating for play, the appeal of blood and scars, and managing risk. Plus lots more!
Content Note: Detailed discussion of sharps play including blood and scarring, brief mention of self harm. Conversations around degradation and humiliation kinks including brief mentions of vomit and scat, and more detailed discussion of play involving very dirty feet and socks.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find al...
“It’s My World, you’re Just Living In It”: Dominance and Submission
This week W/we’re getting back to basics with a closer look at the classics - dominance and submission. What separates power play from other areas of kink? How can power be expressed, where does it come from and what different flavours can it have? kirizal and S talk about negotiation for power exchange, different approaches to rules and authority styles, the role of discipline, and lots more! With handy tips for people new to power exchange relationships and a look at how O/our dynamic is developing into something a little more edgy with time, on this ep...
Panopticon Perverts: Surveillance in Kink
Location tracking, surveillance cameras, and an open door policy - as often happens, kirizal’s dream life sounds like many people’s worst nightmare. On this episode, S and kirizal chat about the ways that W/we erode privacy and dignity in a fun, consensual way. Also - the age old debate about the construction of a proper cream tea, kirizal’s many open tabs, and pooping with the door open.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
Vote for...
Have Your Cake and Eat It: Polyamory with Tom and Kay (Insert Here Kink)
Tom and Kay - hosts of Insert Here - join kirizal and S to chat about polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and all the excitement and challenges that comes with navigating alternative relationship styles. Plus - exhibitionism, kinky podcaster life, and lots more!
Listen to Insert Here anywhere you find podcasts, and check out their website here: insertherekink.com
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
Vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram po...
Not a Gardening Podcast: Let's Talk About Nettle Play
Who would wanna get stung by nettles on purpose? Probably surprising to no one that the answer is kirizal, with S more than happy to deliver. So as W/we look forward to nettle season just around the corner, kirizal and S break down the process and techniques involved in nettle play, just a touch of science, and lots of footling about.
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
Vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by li...
Get the Spray Bottle: Petplay and More with Hope and Ash
On this episode, Hope's back with her flatmate Ash joining her to talk about their exploration in kink - we chat petplay, primal, and embracing the animal within, kink on a budget, switching, gender identity, and kink outside of a defined relationship or power dynamic, plus lots more!
There was a major audio issue with this recording, which Ash and Hope worked for weeks to repair for U/us (much appreciated) - the end result is a little less polished than most of O/our episodes, but the content was too good not to release. From next...
The Tradwife of Uncanny Valley: Gender Roles and Identity in Kink
In this episode W/we answer popular Tiktok search “is kirizal a boy or a girl”, S and kirizal compare gender “journeys”, and chat about how gender identity, roles, oppression, and expression influence kink. Plus - how inclusive is the kink community? Is kink better when it’s self aware and subversive? And is it a feminist act to be horny?
Content Note: Discussion of misogyny and transphobia
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Support U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies
Vote for U/us in...
Head Empty, No Thoughts: Bimbofication and Appearance Control
Through S’s repeated disclaimers that appearance control is NOT about making kirizal hotter, W/we talk about the undeniable glow up that happened in 2025. Why is appearance control so fun? Is being a bimbo really about being any less smart? And how does hyper-femininity feel for a nonbinary person? Plus - kirizal slips into bimbo headspace mid-recording, and S continues to lose the battle to stop kirizal stealing Their clothes.
Content Note: Some discussion of weight loss
Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.com
Supp...
Signing the Psychological Pre-Nup: D/s Breakups with Hope
kirizal’s ex, Hope (previously known as Alexea), joins U/us this episode to talk about navigating breakups in power exchange relationships. How do people disentangle their lives when they have created such an interdependent structure? How do submissives decondition from rules that have become reflex? And how can kinky couples exit plan for a softer landing while still riding the optimism of the honeymoon period? Plus - staying friends with exes, kitchen chaos, and we address the “missing chapter” from kirizal’s content - That big breakup.
Content Note: Discussion of abuse within D/s, and attempte...
Neon Lights in the Dark: 2025 Recapped
In this episode, kirizal and S answer listener questions and recap 2025. Laughs, tears, healing and perversions, this episode has it all as W/we round up a busy, exciting, and very kinky year.
Content Note: Although nothing particularly explicit, this episode does include mentions of play involving simulated sexual assault and domestic violence
Between the Cheese and the Cilice: Spirituality, Kink, and Christmas
It wouldn’t be Christmas without some light trauma dumping, a discussion about the link between religious shame and CNC, and some historical genital mutilation. It’s O/our festive episode, so kirizal and S talk faith and spirituality, O/our childhood Christmas traditions and the new ones W/we are making together, kink as a spiritual experience, how worship and ritual fit into O/our dynamic, and the value of community.
Content Note: Some discussion of drug use/addiction, mention of sexual assault, and castration. It’s festive, W/we promise!
An Aptitude For Devotion, But Not For Representation: Pillion
W/we interrupt O/our schedule to discuss Pillion - negative messaging about 24/7 dynamics sour the taste of kirizal and S’s cinema date night, service, emotional masochism and letting kink be delightfully weird bring some authenticity to the mix, and some questionable marketing miss-sells U/us a “raunchy rom-com” that’s definitely not Do movies have a responsibility in how they represent communities? What was this movie trying to say about lifestyle BDSM, and did it deliver? Mixed feelings, and a small obligatory discussion of THAT prosthetic.
Content Note: Spoilers for Pillion, of course, and disc...
Smells Like Bacon: Burns and Branding
What do kirizal and S like about burns, branding and cigarette torture? Well, for one thing, it’s hot! W/we chat all about burning, from kirizal’s slightly reckless early experimentation, to S’s introduction to this sizzlingly spicy kind of play. Plus - solo masochism vs self harm, what is the difference between a kink and a fetish, anti-smoking PSAs gone wrong and what happens if W/we ever give up this filthy habit?
Content Note: Discussion of drug use, addiction, and self harm
No Ifs, Plenty of Butts: All About Anal
Is anal sex kinky? Whatever you think - it’s kinky enough for U/us! kirizal and S talk about O/our experiences - why the girls, gays, and theys do butt stuff better, S’s quest for Their own cum button, the appeal of painal, and the blessing (or curse) of having an absolutely enormous penis. Lots of giggles, some helpful tips, and the important debate of douching vs spontaneity.
Content Note: Inevitably, some poop is involved
Real Doms Play Sad Piano: Fifty Shades of Grey
kirizal botches the intro for a solid minute, S and kirizal are forced into time travel due to a rogue washing machine, and through the chaos W/we share O/our thoughts on Fifty Shades of Grey - terrible kink representation, a crucial moment in mainstream acceptance, pure cringe, or all of the above?
Content note: Some discussion of poor consent practices and fantasies about abuse and non-con
Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator
Making myself Useful: Domestic Service
How did kirizal go from a kitchen that was semi-permanently on fire, to home cooking from scratch every day? Why is S scared They’ll forget how a washing machine works? And do W/we get super horny about washing up? In this episode, W/we talk about the reality of domestic service in O/our dynamic - what needs it meets for U/us, how O/our roles support each other, and what a day in the life of a very busy service submissive looks like.
Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle ev...
A Really Intense Trust Fall: Sadism and Masochism
What is sadism and masochism, how are they different from dominance and submission, and what does anyone get out of playing with pain? kirizal and S dive into the intersection of pain and pleasure and how these roles fit into O/our way of doing kink
Content Note: Some discussion of burns, vomit, and body image/shaming
Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator
You’ve Gotta Be Choking: All About Breathplay
Breathplay is one of the most popular kinks, and also one of the most potentially deadly. kirizal and S talk about O/our approach to breathplay, changing risk profiles over time, and the alarming popularity of choking.
Content Note: This episode discusses torture, drowning, and death, although none in graphic detail. It also includes (obviously) in depth discussion about high risk kinks, and is not intended as a “how to” guide.
Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator
Be the Banana: The Power of Nudity with Nat of The North East Life Art Project
Nat of The North East Life Art Project joins kirizal and S as O/our first guest. Talking life modelling, body image, objectification, power exchange, sexuality vs sensuality, and so much more! Will S take Their clothes off for money, what has kirizal been doing on the wines at the business meetings, and how is Nat like a banana? Plus an exciting announcement - Don’t Scare the Newbies! is taking yapping about kink into the real world with an upcoming event in Newcastle.
Event info and tickets: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator
...Just Because They Can: BDSM Contracts & Rules Part Two
In the last episode, kirizal and S talked contracts - and the development of the fixed foundation of O/our power exchange. Now it’s onto the living document of O/our rules - covering protocol, limits, punishment, and the fine details of a life built together to bring kink out from the dungeon and into the ordinary and the every day. Part two of O/our two-parter on the filthy, nerdy structure of O/our dynamic.
At Their Absolute Discretion: BDSM Contracts & Rules Part One
Contracts, rules, formal reviews and paperwork - hot, right? The formal structure of power exchange relationships can often sound like boring admin from the outside, but for two self confessed sex nerds, writing a contract together was like months of foreplay. In this episode, S and kirizal talk about the journey to O/our first contract of Total Power Exchange and talk through everything that goes into it - the responsibilities, risks, commitment and joy. This episode is part one of two, with next week’s episode focusing on the rules that exist in constant evolution alongside the fixed fo...
Controlled Violations: Consensual Non-Consent and Modifying Consent for Kink
One of O/our favourite - and often very misunderstood and oversimplified kinks - is CNC: consensual non-consent. Exploring violation, control, violence, and surrender in both play and O/our dynamic is something that draws U/us both - but how do you keep focus on the “first C” when playing in the darkest parts of your mind? Is it safe? Is it ethical? And is it really just about “forced” fantasies or is there more to it? W/we answer all of that and more!
Content Note: This episode includes detailed discussion of consensual non-cons...
