Settled

We can respect someone's authority without becoming smaller in their presence. As we wrap up our Character Development series, we explore healthy adulthood: meeting another person as a peer while standing in the space that is ours to fill. We return to the picture of a fruit-bearing tree and consider how attachment, separation, and integration continue to support our growth. Jason reflects on his tendency to resist leadership, while Elizabeth shares how easily she once deferred to others and slipped into a childlike position. We also talk about the shift from directing our children to relating to them as...

We can be full of joy and sadness at the same time. We can recognize our strengths without pretending our limitations do not exist. As we continue our Character Development series, we explore integration: the ability to hold intense realities together rather than forcing life into either-or categories. We return to the picture of a tree and consider why healthier fruit begins with growth beneath the surface. Elizabeth remembers a season of teaching, graduate school, ministry, marriage, and motherhood, while Jason reflects on living with a cancer diagnosis without letting it describe every part of his life.

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We do not have to choose between having no boundaries and building a brick wall. A chain link fence offers a different picture: a clear sense of where we end and another person begins, with room to see, speak, and stay connected. As we continue our Character Development series, we explore separation, distinction, and the worth that makes healthy boundaries possible. We consider how childhood experiences shape our sense of self and why valuing who God made us to be matters in our relationships, parenting, and everyday decisions.

We share practical examples of communicating what we want...

Attachment begins with a simple truth: we need to need. From infancy onward, trust grows as our cries are heard, our needs are recognized, and we learn that connection is safe. When those early experiences are disrupted, the effects can follow us into adulthood through difficulty naming feelings, identifying needs, or asking for help. We explore attachment as part of character development and consider how family experiences can shape the ways we relate to God, ourselves, and other people. The good news is that our earliest patterns do not have to be our final patterns. In Christ, we are...

Character development is not only about behaving well or producing visible results. It is a set of skills and abilities that help us meet the demands of real life, including the realities of relationships, work, home, and our inner world.

We picture this work as a tree. Its fruit appears in our people, performance, and personal lives, while its trunk reflects attachment, separation, integration, and adulthood. Grace and truth form the roots. This image helps us see why lasting growth cannot come from polishing appearances alone. Healthy fruit grows from a healthy trunk and root system, as...

We are learning to hold together the reality of illness and the deeper spiritual identity that remains true through it. In the middle of cancer treatment, changes to the body can affect how we see ourselves and how others see us. The reminder "I'm still in here" has helped us remember that a diagnosis, weight loss, fatigue, or another outward change does not tell the whole story of a person.

As we reflect on 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, we talk about the image of a seed planted in the ground, unseen roots, and life that can emerge through fracture...

When a diagnosis, disappointment, or season of sorrow leaves us without the strength to hold on, we can rest in the truth that God loved us first and is already holding us. In this conversation, we reflect on how that reality has steadied us through Jason's stage four stomach cancer diagnosis. We talk about the difference between trying to hold tightly enough to God and receiving the comfort of being held by him.

We explore mercy as a friend who sits with us when we do not have what it takes, and we consider how God's nearness...

When a hard season makes the future feel uncertain, we can wonder whether the good things God has spoken over our lives are still true. In this conversation, we reflect on 2 Corinthians 1:20 and the reassurance that every promise of God finds its yes and amen in Christ. Jason shares how that truth galvanized him to return to the work God gave us, with practical limits that honor his treatment, appointments, and endurance.

We also talk honestly about outcomes we cannot control. Some dreams may not materialize in the way or timing we expect, but we find comfort...

When life brings us face to face with what we cannot control, we can spend so much energy rehearsing worst case scenarios or trying to force every problem out of the garden. In this honest conversation, we share what has steadied us through Jason's stomach cancer diagnosis: the reminder that we have what we need when we need it, and the freedom to be present rather than live inside foreboding dread.

We also sit with Jesus' parable of the wheat and tares. What if some weeds are not ours to uproot? We talk about partnering in the...

We can carry a surprising number of assumptions into marriage: who should work, who should clean, who should make the decisions, and what it means to be a husband or wife. But a role is not an identity. Roles are activities that can flex and change with the season, while our identity is something deeper that deserves clarity and care.

We are talking about the family models we inherit, the expectations we can unknowingly put on each other, and why boundaries are not meant to restrict us. They help us recognize where we end and another person...

We didn't grow up assuming our home would feel safe - and if that's true for you too, you're not alone. This week we're talking about what it actually takes to build a safe place, in a marriage and in a home, and why safety rarely happens by accident. We talk through the tension between order and creativity, a study on a fenced playground that changed how we think about boundaries, and the difference between what we truly need from each other and what we simply prefer. We get honest about a season where confession, not perfection, is what...

Today, we dive deep into the intricate dance of struggle and support within marriage, uncovering how these dynamics have shaped our 26-year journey together. We share candidly about our own struggles, particularly in the early years of our marriage, where insecurities and the pressure of expectations led to friction rather than unity. Through personal stories and revelations, we explore how God intervened, helping us transform from being obstacles in each other's paths to becoming sources of support and encouragement. Our conversation highlights not just the challenges we faced but also the pivotal moments that led to significant shifts in...

We're diving deep into the essential topic of fighting for connection in marriage. This week, we’re unpacking how prioritizing connection can transform our relationships, especially when it comes to our kids. We both recognize that fighting for connection might sound a bit aggressive, but honestly, it’s about leaning into conversations that matter, even when it’s tough. We’ll share some personal stories, including how our daughter has helped us improve our communication game—because let’s face it, sometimes we need a little nudge to connect better. Ultimately, we’re all about moving away from the land of right...

Today, we dive into the core of what can make or break a marriage: communication. We unpack the significance of understanding both the overt and covert messages exchanged in every relationship, shedding light on how vital clarity is in our conversations. Throughout our discussion, we emphasize that communication isn't just about the words we say; it's about the feelings that linger beneath them. We share our own experiences and insights on how to navigate these complex layers, including the importance of asking curious questions to clarify intentions. Join us as we explore this crucial aspect of marriage and how...

Today, we're diving deep into the transformative idea of shifting our perspective in marriage from a right-and-wrong paradigm to one focused on relationship and union. This episode is all about how this change can lead to healthier, more fulfilling connections with our partners. We share personal stories and insights on how the constant battle of who's right can create distance and competition in a relationship, ultimately leading to feelings of isolation. Instead, we emphasize the importance of valuing connection over competition, encouraging listeners to see their partners as friends rather than rivals. Join us as we explore how embracing...

Forgiveness and grief are essential components of a thriving marriage, and this episode dives into why they often go hand in hand. We unpack how both concepts serve as a process of metabolizing our pain, much like our bodies process food. Jason and I share our insights from 26 years of marriage, emphasizing that whether we grieve first or forgive first, the important thing is to recognize they are two sides of the same coin. We also explore the idea that emotional constipation can occur when we fail to process our feelings, leading to resentment and distance in our relationships...

Today, we’re diving deep into the concept of “unity with distinction” in marriage and how it reflects the nature of God. It’s not just about being one; it's about being beautifully distinct while still coming together as a cohesive unit. We explore how the Trinity serves as a powerful model for understanding this dynamic: each person of the Godhead is unique yet unified, which provides a profound framework for our relationships. We discuss the importance of recognizing and articulating our individual needs and preferences in marriage, as failing to do so can lead to enmeshment and loss of ident...

We're diving into the complexities of marriage and how it reflects our relationship with Christ. As we share our own journey of 26 years together, we explore the idea that marriage isn't about losing ourselves in our partner but discovering our true selves through the relationship. We discuss how our experiences, both joyful and challenging, can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our spouse, allowing us to grow together rather than lose our individual identities. Whether you're married or single, the principles we discuss are relevant to any relationship, emphasizing the importance of knowing God in the...

Today, we're diving deep into the often misunderstood topic of judgment, as we wrap up our series on scriptures that tend to get a bad rap. We’re riffing off John 12:31-32, where Jesus reveals the transformative power of his sacrifice—an act that draws all of humanity to him, not just a select few. It’s crucial to recognize that when we add words like "peoples" for clarity, we might unintentionally diminish the profound truth of Jesus’ statement; all means all, and that’s a big deal! We’ll explore how this understanding impacts our lives, especially when we grapple w...

We’re diving into some scriptures that can really freak us out, specifically one that we like to call the “scary Jesus scripture.” It comes from Matthew 7, where Jesus starkly declares, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven.” As we explore this passage, we’ll unpack the fears and misconceptions that often arise around it, especially the notion that knowing Jesus is simply about ticking boxes of good deeds. We’ll discuss how this scripture invites us to reflect on our relationship with Him—not in terms of what we do, but in terms of being ge...

This week, we're diving into the scriptures that often leave us scratching our heads and feeling a bit frustrated. Join us as we tackle the misunderstandings surrounding these texts, starting with 2 Corinthians 12, where the phrase “when I am weak, then I am strong” flips the script on what weakness truly means. We believe it’s not about God’s strength being contingent on our weakness, but rather an invitation to embrace the paradox of our human experience. Throughout the conversation, we’ll explore how holding both weakness and strength can lead to a more authentic relationship with God and ourselves...

We're diving deep into the concept of freedom this week, focusing on what it means to live from our reconciled selves in Christ. It's a profound exploration of how our understanding of freedom shapes our lives and choices. We discuss the importance of agreeing with who we are in Christ, not just striving to become something else, and how this reconciled identity empowers us to navigate life's challenges, including serious health struggles. As we confront our own difficulties, like Jason's recent cancer diagnosis, we reflect on the tension between life and death and the invitation to name the things...

Freedom is fully accepting oneself as a child of God and living from that identity. In today’s conversation, we dive deep into the framework of what freedom truly means in our spiritual journeys. We’ve all grappled with definitions and frameworks that have kept us in bondage, so we're here to challenge those misconceptions. By exploring our identities in Christ, we come to realize that acceptance is not about striving to become something but recognizing who we already are. We share personal insights and transformations that have led us to a more restful, centered place, where we can embr...

We're diving into the concept of freedom this week, exploring how we frame it within our ministry, and sharing an update on my ongoing battle with cancer. We’ve been through a whirlwind of emotions and medical jargon that felt pretty dire, but we’re grateful to have found a more hopeful team to support us. It’s been a journey of understanding that true freedom is less about being boundaryless and more about knowing how to receive and give love uninhibited. We often hear the phrases “love God, love people,” but we need to ask ourselves: are we taught how...

This week, we’re diving deep into a personal journey that took an unexpected turn when Jason faced a health crisis, leading to a life-changing diagnosis of stage 4 stomach cancer. It’s been a challenging month, and we’re here to share not just the details of that experience but also how it connects to the theme of Word Curses that we’ve been exploring. We’ll unpack how words spoken over us—whether by ourselves or others—can shape our identities and impact our lives, especially during tough times. As we navigate the emotional landscape of this diagnosis, we reflect on...

We're getting into the nitty-gritty of Inner Vows and how they shape our lives. What are Inner Vows, you ask? Well, they’re those self-directed promises we make to ourselves, often in response to tough experiences, and they can create a cycle of striving that keeps us from living freely. We dive deep into how these vows can actually tether us to past pain instead of allowing us to heal and grow. By recognizing these Inner Vows and surrendering them, we can start to embrace God’s promises instead, which are far more fulfilling and freeing. Join us as we e...

We're diving deep into the intriguing world of generational iniquities, inner vows, and word curses this week. We start our new series by unpacking the concept of generational iniquity, which, let's be honest, sounds like a mouthful of churchy jargon but is so relatable once we break it down. We all have these invisible threads connecting us to our family histories, shaping our behaviors and tendencies—sometimes in ways we don't even realize. Jason and I share some personal stories, including an amusing anecdote about how our son and grandmother seem to share an uncanny knack for the same co...

We're diving deep into our final discussion on spiritual warfare, and let me tell you, the key player in this whole saga is none other than Jesus. We unpack the reality that our battles are not against flesh and blood, but against the deeper spiritual forces at work. It’s so tempting to channel our frustrations onto the people around us, but we’ve got to remember that it’s the principalities and powers behind the scenes we’re really up against. This episode is all about understanding how Jesus, as the ultimate victor, has absorbed the curse and reclaime...

This episode dives deep into the intriguing topic of spiritual warfare, specifically focusing on the power that God imparts to us through the Holy Spirit. We explore how this power can sometimes feel paradoxical, especially when it comes to the idea that victory in spiritual battles often comes through surrender rather than striving. We also reflect on our personal experiences in Pentecostal environments, discussing the profound and sometimes chaotic encounters with the Holy Spirit that shaped our understanding of divine power. Throughout our conversation, we emphasize the importance of resting in God's presence as a way to access that...

We're diving deep into the often intimidating world of spiritual warfare this week, focusing on the crucial concept of perspective and how it shapes our reality. It's easy to feel overwhelmed when faced with life's challenges, but we're here to remind you that how we view these struggles can make all the difference. Our conversation highlights the powerful truth that we fight our battles through surrender, flipping the narrative from being victims to realizing we're actually beneficiaries of God's goodness. We'll explore a transformative story from 2 Kings, illustrating how the servant of Elisha gained a new perspective, revealing a...

We’re kicking off a new series on spiritual warfare, and today, we’re diving deep into the intriguing paradox that to win in this spiritual battle, we actually need to surrender. It’s a concept that flips our usual understanding of conflict on its head. We’ve all been taught that fighting back is the way to victory, but what if the true path lies in yielding to Jesus and embracing the humility that comes with it? Throughout our conversation, we explore how surrendering can lead to profound victory, and how this practice can transform our perspective on the chal...

We’re diving into the final episode of our childlikeness series, where we unwrap the powerful connection between imagination and a flourishing marriage. We explore how imagination isn’t just a whimsical fantasy; it’s a vital tool we can use to envision healthier relationships and a deeper connection with God. We discuss the distinction between healthy imagination and destructive fantasies, emphasizing how the latter can lead us away from genuine intimacy. Drawing on personal anecdotes and biblical insights, we invite you to reconsider how you use your imaginative faculties to partner with God in creating a life filled with h...

We dive deep into the concept of being childlike, emphasizing that Jesus said we must adopt this mindset to enter the kingdom of God. As we explore what it truly means to be inquisitive, we reflect on how children perceive the world with wonder and awe, often seeing things adults overlook. We share personal anecdotes that highlight our own experiences of curiosity and the joy that comes from embracing the simple marvels of life—like the fascinating design of a grapefruit! We also tackle the challenges of maintaining that childlike wonder as we grow older, often succumbing to indifference or...

We dive deep into the essence of childlikeness, focusing on innocence and what it truly means to live with that quality in our lives. We explore how Jesus emphasizes the importance of becoming like children to engage with the kingdom of God, highlighting the genuine curiosity and openness that children embody. As we unpack the complexities of guilt versus innocence, we discuss how societal judgments can distort our self-perception, making us feel inherently guilty rather than recognizing our innate purity in Christ. Join us as we reflect on the journey of reconciling our humanity with our divine identity, ultimately...

This week, we dive deep into the concept of interdependence versus independence, particularly in the context of childlikeness. We explore what it truly means to have community and the importance of recognizing who’s around us and why that matters. It’s all about understanding our needs and how they connect us to others, as we reflect on the beauty of being able to express those needs like children do. We unpack the idea that while independence is often celebrated, it can lead to isolation, whereas interdependence fosters genuine connections and healing. Join us as we navigate these themes, draw...

We dive into the compelling invitation from Jesus to embrace a childlike spirit as a pathway to the kingdom of heaven. The conversation gets real as we explore what it truly means to be childlike—not childish—in our faith journey. We unpack the significance of dependence, joy, and the raw honesty that children embody. Through relatable anecdotes, we illustrate how societal pressures often stifle our innate ability to connect with God and others authentically. Join us as we challenge the norms of adulthood and rediscover the beauty of being a child of God, fully alive and engaged with the...

Our guest, Carlos Padilla, reveals his insights on Christ, salvation, and the transformative power of counseling, emphasizing that there’s no separation, no delay—just a life fully immersed in Him. We dive deep into the conversation about the profound implications of living a life free from the perceived separation between us and God. We explore the misconceptions that often arise from religious teachings and the necessity of understanding our assumptions when interpreting scripture. Carlos shares his personal journey through various religious backgrounds, shedding light on how those experiences have shaped his understanding of God and humanity. Join us as w...

This week, we’re diving deep into the heart of family dynamics as we explore the significance of gathering around the table. We share our personal journey of how we created a weekly family dinner tradition, which we affectionately dubbed our Shabbat meal. The table became a sacred space where we not only shared meals but also engaged in meaningful conversations about our lives and emotions, encouraging everyone to express their feelings openly. We discuss the importance of creating an atmosphere that allows for vulnerability and connection, even amidst discomfort, and how this practice has fostered deeper relationships within ou...

This episode dives deep into the roles we adopt within our families and how these roles shape our identities. We explore the idea that family dynamics can often feel like a framework into which we are poured as children, with each of us taking on specific roles—whether we were asked to or not. From the silent absorber to the family punchline, we share our personal experiences and humorous anecdotes about the roles we played growing up. We open up about how these family patterns can carry over into adulthood, affecting our relationships and self-perception. Ultimately, we encourage you to...

Exploring the concept of God as Mother may just be the most liberating conversation we've had yet. In this episode, we dive into the often overlooked feminine attributes of God, challenging conventional views of the divine as strictly paternal. Through personal stories and scripture, we reveal how embracing God’s maternal qualities can bring healing and a deeper understanding of our relationship with Him. We share our own experiences of how our perceptions of God are shaped by our families of origin, illustrating the importance of seeing God as both a nurturing figure and a source of comfort. This ep...