The Angry Therapist Podcast

What if the hardest chapters of your life are actually setting you up for something you can't see yet?

I've been through divorce, lost my home, started over in my fifties, and questioned who I was more times than I can count.

And now, looking back, I'm beginning to connect the dots.

In this episode, I'm taking you on a walk through Costa Rica to talk about the stories we tell ourselves, how we make sense of our past, and why changing our perspective can change our lives.

We get into:<...

At 53, I've realized that some of life's biggest lessons aren't about getting ahead. They're about learning when to take the leap, when to let go, how to love without losing yourself, and how to stop waiting for some future version of your life before you start living.

In this episode, I share 12 life lessons that have shaped the way I think about relationships, personal growth, success, and happiness.

I talk about why being single isn't a waiting room, how our childhood experiences can influence what we mistake for intuition, and why becoming a better version...

Resentment rarely comes from one big moment. More often, it builds through the small things we don't talk about: the dishes, the forgotten gestures, the mental load, and the feeling that you're the only one making an effort.

I talk about how these everyday frustrations become evidence of deeper hurt, why unresolved conflict makes resentment grow, and how to repair the damage before years of disappointment turn into distance.

I talk about:

• How small moments of hurt build into long-term resentment

• The invi...

What does genuine love actually look like? It may have less to do with how someone makes you feel and more to do with whether you can truly see them, allow them to be themselves, and continue meeting them as both of you change.

I also explore what happens when fear of losing someone keeps us from fully enjoying the relationship we have today, how relationships teach us who we are becoming, and the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself. I also look at what can exist underneath betrayal and affairs, including the...

We were handed a blueprint for what a “good life” is supposed to look like: fall in love, get married, buy the house, have kids, build a career, and stay together.

But what happens when you achieve the life you were supposed to want and realize it doesn’t actually feel like yours?

I talk about breaking away from inherited ideas of happiness, questioning the lives we’re maintaining simply because we’ve already spent years building them, and creating something more honest and customized.

I also a...

Being in love and loving someone aren’t always the same thing.

Being in love can be about chemistry, longing, fantasy, desire, and the way someone makes you feel. But loving someone asks something harder: can you keep seeing who they actually are as they change? Can you stay curious about the person they’re becoming instead of holding them to the version you first fell for?

In this episode, I talk about why intensity alone isn’t enough to build a life with someone, why long-term relationships can go thr...

What happens when one person is willing to grow and the other isn’t, why growth should be an invitation rather than an ultimatum, and why sometimes the most important thing your partner needs from you isn’t perfection — it’s your willingness to lean in.

In this episode, I sit down with Bryan Reeves to talk about what changes in the second half of life and why the rules that got us here may not be the same ones that carry us forward.

We also get into men’s loneline...

What if the life you spent years trying to build isn’t the life you want anymore?

For most of my life, I was trying to arrive somewhere - make more money, build the audience, get another book deal, buy the house, become somebody. There was always another number to hit, another door to get through, another version of myself I thought would finally let me exhale.

But lately, something has shifted.

In this episode, I talk about giving yourself permission to disappoint the pe...

How do you know whether a relationship can last and when it might be time to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we take on your questions about conflict, attraction, exes, love languages and the hurt we carry into new relationships. There’s one question underneath many of them: are you working through what’s happening, or waiting for something to change? If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you. For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between...

What matters more than love?

My answer is capacity.

I think we’ve wildly overestimated love’s ability to carry a relationship. You can love someone deeply and still lie to them, betray them, disappear when things get uncomfortable, refuse to look at yourself, or be unable to create a safe space for them. Love is a feeling. A relationship requires skills.

In this episode, I answer questions about what actually makes relationships work, how relationships change over time, and what it means to leav...

What happens when you decide an idea is worth pursuing, even when you don't know where it's going to take you?

Kelsey Crane joins me to talk about The Vanishing, her debut novel and the first book in The Exiles trilogy. We get into her journey from storytelling and gardening to writing a novel, why she chose to self-publish, what it feels like to reinvent yourself in your 40s, and the fear that comes with putting your work into the world.

We also talk about nature, creativity, climate change...

Some of the hardest truths about relationships are the ones we spend the most time avoiding. I’m talking about the conversations that challenge the way we think about marriage, love, resentment, breakups, and even our own intuition.

I start with a controversial idea: I think marriages need to die. Not because divorce is the goal, but because long-term relationships can’t survive if the old version of the marriage is expected to stay the same forever. Growth asks us to let old dynamics end so a new relationship can be born.

I also answer some...

In this episode, I reflect on what I’d tell myself 10 years ago about losing everything, rebuilding, and learning that security was never really about what I owned. I also share a story about a local surfer in Costa Rica who offered to teach me after watching me struggle in the water every day. What stayed with me wasn’t the surfing—it was the feeling of being seen, believed in, and chosen at 52. Sometimes the thing we need most isn’t more confidence. It’s someone saying, “I see what you’re trying to become. If this episode resonated with...

Are you staying because you want to or because you’re afraid to leave? In this Therapy Thursdays, I answer your questions about fading attraction, slow-burn love, situationships, and healing after heartbreak. We also talk about what it takes to start liking yourself again. And before you decide there’s no spark, there’s one question worth asking yourself…

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Yo...

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Shefali who is an NYT bestselling author of The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. She is also a clinical psychologist, an international speaker and a wisdom teacher, integrating Eastern philosophy with Western psychology.

We talk about what it actually means to raise conscious boys and girls in a world that is changing faster than ever.

We talk about the different things boys and girls are missing today, from physicality, movement, mentorship and healthy masculinity for boys to voice, self-trust and protection from the pressures of social...

I’m answering a few questions about love, desire, affairs, and obsession. I start with a question about losing desire for a husband after having an affair and whether that desire can actually come back. My answer is yes - but I don’t think getting the old desire back should be the goal. Sometimes the relationship we had has died, and the work is to create something new instead.

I also talk about why affairs can make desire especially confusing, how an affair can awaken a version of ourselves that we haven't felt in a long time...

I think resentment is one of the biggest things that can crack a relationship. We get hurt, minimize it, swallow it, and keep moving until all those little things start piling up. Eventually, the resentment becomes so big that we don't see the person or the relationship the same way anymore. 

In this episode, I talk about why we need to learn how to express ourselves before resentment turns into a giant pile, how to know what is actually worth bringing to the table, and why resolving resentment doesn't always mean g...

I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with God. I believe in God. I believe in something greater. But I’ve realized that believing in God and actually having a relationship with God are two different things for me.

In this episode, I get honest about growing up without religion, my complicated history with Christianity, the moments in my life that have felt undeniably spiritual, and why I think I’ve sometimes avoided a deeper relationship with God. I talk about light and dark, pleasure and addiction, surrender, serendipity, and the idea that o...

Why do we remain stuck in the same patterns, compare ourselves to our partner’s past, or wait for an ex to give us closure?

In Episode 26 of Therapy Thursdays, John answers your most personal questions about identity, intimacy, insecurity, attachment and relationships. He explains why meaningful change requires us to let go of an old version of ourselves - and why the familiar can feel safe even when it is making us unhappy.

He also explores what true intimacy looks like after the performance falls away, how to re...

I’m breaking down the biggest ways I think we sabotage our own healing, relationships, and lives. This conversation came from a post that resonated with millions of people and grew into a series because these patterns are so common - and so easy to mistake for growth.

I talk about why insight isn’t the same as change, why breakups aren’t something we simply “get over,” why divorce doesn’t automatically mean failure, and why chasing happiness can keep us disconnected from a life that actually feels meaningful.

I talk about:

What happens when I know better but still find myself repeating the same relationship patterns? I answer 10 questions about love, attachment, obsession, loneliness, breakups, abuse, reconciliation, and the difficult choices we make when relationships activate something deeper inside us.

I talk about why we can confuse familiarity with safety, why we sometimes become addicted to what another person does to our nervous system, and how to tell the difference between attachment anxiety and intuition. I also explore why some relationships are worth experiencing even if they aren't meant to last, and why being lonely inside a relationship...

What is the difference between loving someone and becoming obsessed with them? In this episode, I explore how love can slowly turn into fixation, fantasy, and emotional dependency, and why so many of us confuse chemistry with compatibility.

Recording from a hotel room, I reflect on my own experiences with emotional intensity, attachment patterns, love addiction, fantasy, and obsession, as well as the challenge of building a life that doesn’t revolve around one person.

In this episode, I talk about:

The house I grew up in is probably still living inside me. And the house you grew up in may still be living inside you, too.

I’m recording from a diner in Mexico City and exploring one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves: What was the emotional climate of the home I grew up in?

This conversation goes far beyond nostalgia or childhood memories. I explore how the emotional atmosphere we grew up in - whether it was chaotic, unpredictable, emotionally distant, performance-driven, or conflict-avoidant...

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, I’m answering the relationship and personal-growth questions we often think about but don’t always know how to ask.

What does an emotionally safe relationship actually feel like? How do you know if you’re settling - or simply navigating the normal challenges of being with someone? When does a relationship push you toward growth, and when does it start pulling you away from yourself?

I also get into how living in survival mode can shape the way we move through adulthood, why happiness can’t always b...

When is enough enough?

What if the life you're chasing is based on someone else's definition of success? In this conversation, John Kim and Buddy Wakefield explore the difference between going wide and going deep, and why fulfillment may have less to do with fame, money, and recognition than we think.

From poetry, Portugal, and Los Angeles to money, hope, and the pressure to constantly achieve more, this episode is a raw and honest reflection on potential, ambition, and what actually makes a life feel meaningful.

In this episode, John and Buddy talk...

What if the biggest factor affecting your mental health isn’t what happens to you, but which container you’re paying attention to?

In this personal check-in from Mexico City, I reflect on the difference between the macro container - the collective world of politics, climate change, technology, uncertainty, and fear - and the micro container - your relationships, work, family, community, and daily life.

After losing my home in the Altadena fires and spending the last year rebuilding my life in a completely different way, I’ve been thinki...

Stop losing yourself to love.

What if codependency isn't just about your relationships with other people, but your relationship with yourself?

In this episode, John and Vanessa explore why recovering from codependency is really about building a stronger sense of identity. They explain how people pleasing, lacking boundaries, and fearing rejection can keep us disconnected from who we really are, and why choosing authenticity over self-abandonment is essential for healthier relationships.

In this episode:

• Why codependency recovery is really identity work

...

What happens when life forces you to start over?

In this personal check-in, John Kim reflects on the unexpected lessons that came from rebuilding his life after losing his home. From learning to surf at 53 to finding clarity through travel and stepping out of survival mode, this episode explores what it means to reconnect with yourself and embrace a different way of living.

In this episode:

• Why learning to surf became more than just a new hobby

• How reconnecting with old parts of yourself can lead...

In this episode, John and Vanessa answer listeners' questions about what healthy and unhealthy expectations are in dating, relationships, and marriage.

🔗 Resources & Links

👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy

👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessasbennett

👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416

🎙️ More about John:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE

John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read John’s bo...

What are you curious about these days?

What if taking stock of what you're interested in, and what you're ready to leave behind, could reveal exactly where you're headed next?

In this solo episode, John Kim shares a personal list of the ideas, experiences, and questions capturing his attention in this season of life, alongside the habits, mindsets, and patterns he's no longer interested in carrying. From curiosity and possibility to letting go of certainty and external validation, this conversation is an invitation to reflect on what's changing within...

What does it actually take to build healthy relationships?

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John Kim answers some of the most common questions about love, healing, attachment, and personal growth. From redefining what it means to fall in love to understanding why peace is something you give yourself - not something you find - this episode explores the inner work that shapes the way we connect with others.

John shares practical insights on anxious attachment, healing after toxic relationships, rupture and repair, emotional safety, and why the healthiest relationships...

In this solo episode, John Kim shares a collection of personal notes written over coffee in Costa Rica, exploring what he's learning about wholeness, love, masculinity, ambition, and personal growth. Through honest reflections and stories, he challenges the idea that we need to keep proving ourselves and offers a different path rooted in presence, curiosity, and living more fully.

In this episode:

• Why the goal isn't balance, but wholeness

• What it means to "feed the other wolf"

• How healthy love can feel unfamiliar after chaos

• Why life's "...

When sex changes after having a baby, what happens to the relationship?

Becoming parents changes everything, including intimacy. In this episode, John Kim explores what happens when a new father feels disconnected while a new mother is navigating recovery, exhaustion, and the demands of caring for a newborn. He shares his own experience and explains why protecting the relationship is more important than trying to get back to "normal."

In this episode:

• Why intimacy often changes after having a baby

• How empathy can replace resentment duri...

What if the promises we make in love are setting us up to fail?

In this episode, John Kim is joined by his wife, Vanessa Bennett, to explore how redefining the promises we make in relationships could change the way we love. Instead of focusing on "forever," they discuss commitments rooted in personal growth, accountability, respect, and the willingness to keep doing the inner work, even when relationships evolve or come to an end.

In this episode, you'll hear about:

• Why "forever" may not be the healthiest re...

Curious about psychedelic medicine but unsure what it actually does? In this conversation, John Kim sits down with Sarah Williams to explore how medicines like MDMA and psilocybin can support healing, self-discovery, and personal growth when approached with intention, safety, and integration.

Sarah shares her journey from her first ayahuasca experience to becoming a medicine guide, including the near-death experience on Denali that changed the course of her life. Together, they unpack why medicine isn't a shortcut to transformation, but a tool that can help people reconnect with themselves and create lasting change.

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers your questions about toxic relationships, emotional unavailability, sexting in committed relationships, why it's so hard to leave someone who hurts you, and the difference between being in love and being "in lost."

He also shares practical advice on building self-trust, redefining what makes a good day, and what healthy masculinity looks like.

Whether you're questioning your relationship, struggling to let go, or trying to build a healthier life, this episode offers honest reflections and practical perspectives to help you move forward.

In this...

What if the love you've been chasing was never meant to stay the same?

In this episode, John Kim shares excerpts from his new book, Love Hard on Purpose, and explores how love evolves as we heal. He reflects on the difference between unhealthy, dopamine-driven relationships and the kind of love that challenges us to grow, repair, and become better versions of ourselves.

In this episode:

• Why love isn't just meant to make us happy, but to help us heal

• The difference between healthy love and...

In this episode, John Kim shares two practices that have had the biggest impact on his own life and wellbeing. He explains why reducing your everyday fight or flight state and learning to get out of your head can help you move from simply surviving to genuinely thriving.

In this episode:

• Why subtle fight or flight can quietly shape your everyday life

• How designing your lifestyle can help you feel more grounded

• The importance of joy, gratitude, friendships, and creative spaces

• Practical ways to interrupt negative thought...

What happens when you stop chasing and start listening?

In this episode, John shares the personal shifts he's working through after moving to Costa Rica. From learning to surf at 52 to redefining success, he reflects on slowing down, letting go of old patterns, and finding joy in the small moments that make life feel more alive.

In this episode:

• Why he's learning to approach surfing as a practice instead of a performance

• The role of detachment in reducing stress and calming the nervous system

•...

Dating can feel exhausting, especially when every first date seems loaded with pressure, expectations, and endless swiping.

In this episode, John shares five first-date reminders for navigating modern dating with more confidence, curiosity, and intention. He explores why dating often feels transactional today, how expectations can get in the way of connection, and what it looks like to approach dating without turning every encounter into a search for "the one."

In this episode:

• Why John believes dating has become low-effort and transactional

• The importance of plan...