This Is Why We Can't Have A Podcast!

Welp...this is why.  If you liked the title last week, you'll LOVE this week's episode!  To recap....aliens, weedeaters, cannibalism, Nancy Grace...need we say more? CONGRATULATIONS EMMA AND CLASS OF 2026!!

This week we start with a hat, somehow detour through quilts, graduation chaos, dirty soda bars, widow guilt, PTSD triggers, and TikTok judgment — then get interrupted by a man attacking the hedges. Honestly, very on brand.

Happy Friday, and welcome back to This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast. This episode starts with an alleged wife-for-boat trade involving frozen catfish and somehow spirals into chef-related crime stories, UFOs, AI interview scams, Great Value corn warnings, Taco Bell chaos, Criminal Minds connections, how to gird your loins, and why Anderson Cooper may or may not be an alien.

We’re back after a rough week, and this episode comes in hot with emotional whiplash, Monday morning tequila, widowhood honesty, dating disappointments, and a full breakdown of why adults need more gumption. Ashton opens up about loneliness, vulnerability, and missing the kind of companionship she had with Jake, while Jen brings the chaos with quilting updates, UK podcast dreams, Scotland plans, and a wild influencer murder story from across the pond. It’s messy, heartfelt, funny, and exactly why we can’t have a podcast.

This week, we’re talking secret-service connections, AI business makeovers, $41 million lottery dreams, what we’d buy if we won, and the old-money families who somehow lost billions. From the Vanderbilts and Astors to George Bush, streaming subscriptions, and our usual accidental spiral into death… this is exactly why we can’t have a podcast.

This week, we’re recapping everything from our chaotic Vegas trip to the emotional rollercoaster that hit way harder than expected.

We’re talking Broadway raves, questionable Uber drivers, and why apparently the only thing getting action lately… is the dog 🐶🙃

But it’s not all chaos—this episode takes a turn into the real stuff. Grief, triggers you don’t see coming, and those moments that hit you out of nowhere (like watching someone hug their spouse and realizing how much you miss it).

We also get into insecurities, enneagrams, and what we’re actually str...

This episode is coming to you LIVE (and very unhinged) from the Las Vegas airport… sitting by the men’s bathroom ✈️😂

We had big plans for a polished Vegas episode… but clearly, you’ve met us.

This week:

Because after hearing the most unhinged Uber parenting story ever, our mom guilt? Gone. Im...

n this episode, we spiral (naturally) from a listener confession about “corny dogs” vs. “corn dogs” into a full-blown identity crisis over the weird words our families say 😂

Then things take a turn…

We dive into the very real (and slightly terrifying) conversation about AI — can ChatGPT actually manipulate people? Is it telling us what we want to hear? And are we all just one bad prompt away from a mental breakdown?!

Of course, we somehow end up talking about:

This episode is pure chaos—in the best way 😂

We’re talking about unexpected addictions (yes… gas station slushies have entered the chat), the reality behind Coachella vs. what you see online, and why some people are out here putting entire festivals on a payment plan 😅

We also dive into:
• The real MVP at Dollar General (shoutout Brad 👏)
• Amazon delivery fails that make zero sense
• Influencer culture vs. real life
• The most ridiculous driving laws (barefoot?? really??)
• And the funniest “get out of a ticket” excuses we’ve ever seen 🚔

It’s unfiltered, a little unh...

We start with handmade bags and side hustles, but quickly spiral into the kind of chaos you’ve come to expect 😂

We talk about:

If you’ve ever felt misunderstood...

If your life feels chaotic… welcome to the club 😅

This week, we’re all over the place in the best way possible — starting with first celebrity crushes (yes, we’re talking Garth Brooks, Goonies, and questionable childhood taste 😂), then diving straight into a wild rabbit hole about Mount Everest, Sherpas, and a scandal that sounds like it belongs on a true crime channel.

But the real heat? 🔥
We read real comments from married men giving advice… and let’s just say, the internet did NOT pass the vibe check.

From prenups to “don’t do it” warnings...

This week is pure chaos—in the best way possible.

We kick things off with a Confession Friday that hits a little too close to home… because sometimes self-care looks like Jack in the Box, a parked car, and absolutely no shame.

Then we spiral (hard) into Sister Wives territory, where things get weird, questionable, and honestly a little concerning—because marrying twin sisters and sharing a house?? Yeah… we have thoughts.

And finally, we break down the viral TikTok drama heard around the internet: Mike the Lineman. A soulmate claim, a very public s...

This week on This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast… chaos strikes immediately.

Jen is eating a corn dog mid-recording 🌭, Ashton is spiraling over bad drivers (and personalized license plates 😤), and somehow we end up deep in a full-blown alien conspiracy at a Miami mall 👽

BUT in between the laughs, we get real—talking about grief, friendship, and the kind of people who will walk into the river with you (even in Chanel pants 💅).

✨ In this episode:

This week, we’re all over the place—and honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way 😂

We kick things off with a painfully relatable Confessional Friday about moms just trying to get ONE second alone (yes, even in the bathroom). From there, we dive into the reality of parenting burnout, the pressure of always being “on,” and why taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s survival.

Then… we spiral (in the best way).

We’re talking 90s nostalgia, ashtrays in cars, random music phases (hello Metallica), and the things that just don’t make se...

This week is pure chaos in the best way. We’re back after a short break and catching up on everything — from fever-delusion flu stories and accidental unfiltered texts, to TikTok adventures, sewing-machine dreams, onesie drama, and why recording together always goes off the rails. We also get into the emotional weight of The Madison, the little things grief teaches you, making memories with the people you love, and of course a few completely unhinged side quests along the way. Basically: friendship, laughter, real life, and absolute distraction from start to finish. 

This week, Jen and Jamie are all over the place in the best possible way 😂 From a hilarious anonymous confession about faking a garlic-and-onion intolerance to survive a terrible cook of a mother-in-law, to a full breakdown of personal relationship “icks,” Facebook algorithm chaos, and the emotional risks of vulnerability, this episode goes everywhere. They also dive into grief, emotional walls, oversharing, growing through trauma, and the weird ways life forces people to toughen up. It’s funny, honest, a little feral, and very them. 

This week, we are absolutely all over the place — from the return of questionable 90s fashion and lingerie-inspired trends, to creepy time-travel computer messages from the 1500s, to a real-life hot air balloon rescue that unlocked a brand new fear. We also spiral into Dr. Phil documentaries, Darryl Hannah drama, true crime rabbit holes, deep-fake paranoia, frozen rich people, and the kind of wild side conversations that somehow make perfect sense only to us. Basically: fashion opinions, paranormal nonsense, and just enough chaos to make you question reality. 

Listener Confession Friday takes a turn into pure chaos in this episode. What starts as a thoughtful message from Amy about people-pleasing, overthinking, and the emotional weight of trying to keep everyone happy quickly spirals into the kind of unpredictable conversation that only this podcast can produce. From setting boundaries and friendship dynamics to wild celebrity conspiracies, Jim Carrey theories, and late-night rabbit holes about the Hunger Games, nothing is off limits.

Add in a toddler invasion, ice cream in bed, Bigfoot in the yard, and the kind of real-life interruptions that give this episode its name—th...

This week we spiral (lovingly) into: toddler potty training panic—specifically the boy-math of standing to pee 🚽😂, the very real anger + humor that can come with grief, and why dating in your 40s feels like stepping into an entirely different universe.

We also end with rapid-fire questions: phrases we’re already sick of, trends we refuse to fake-love, and the most relatable “I’m getting older” moment (hello, night driving glare 🥲).

📩 Send us your Listener Confessions / “You won’t believe this” stories for Friday’s episode!

Jen rolls into the mic fresh off an emergency root canal—half-numb, fully committed—so Ashton has to carry the chaos 😂. First up: a listener confession from Jen herself, featuring “Widow Rella,” the headstone business meeting from hell, and a married man who got WAY too comfortable sending after-hours texts (including a midnight “thinking about you” that sends the red flags into orbit).

Then the episode takes a hard turn into true-crime disbelief: the North Carolina mom who vanished in 2001 after saying she was going Christmas shopping… and was found alive 24 years later—with more questions than answers. The girls...

Spring is springing 🌼—the weather is perfect, daffodils are popping up everywhere, and somehow that turns into a full spiral about tornado anxiety, storm shelters, and why our brains refuse to relax 😩😂.

This week, Jen and Ashten go from “coquette ruffles and naked lady flowers” to 10 dark, lesser-talked-about psychology facts that hit way too close to home: being addicted to stress, why your brain clings to negative memories, how anxiety can masquerade as intuition, why people stay in predictable misery, and how emotional neglect can mess with you without leaving a clear “event” behind.

Along the way, there’s a...

This week’s episode is giving chaos, confession, commentary… and full unc status energy 😌🎙️

We kick things off with a listener confession that takes us to a muddy cancer benefit parking lot, a golf cart, a dark rainy night… and a dent that may or may not have been confessed to. 👀🚗 Is it karma? Is it survival? Is it community service credit? We debate.

From there, we spiral (naturally) into:

In this chaotic (and completely on-brand) episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, Jen and Ashten launch their brand-new segment “Jen’s Fever Dream Jukebox” — where they react to iconic (and slightly unhinged) music videos from the past. First up? The 80s one-hit wonder “Into the Night”… and let’s just say 👀 things get awkward fast. Between payphone serenades, magic carpet rides, and questionable age gaps, the girls ask the important question: How did we think this was romantic? 😂

But the episode doesn’t stop at retro cringe.

The conversation pivots into something deeper — ad...

Love is Dead, The Dog Ate My Jewelry, & The Lottery Husband Ritual
Buckle up, chaos gremlins, because this episode started with a plan and ended in a full-blown existential crisis. We kick things off with our absolute favorite new segment, Listeners Confessions, and let’s just say some of you need a priest, a lawyer, or at least a better hiding spot for your browser history.
We also announce our brand new Monday segment—a weekly dose of unhinged, concentrated chaos that only the two of us could possibly survive. If you thought we were loud before, just...

What starts as a simple debate over pineapple on pizza 🍍🍕 immediately spirals into Weight Watchers trauma 🧮, big-hair nostalgia 💇‍♀️, diet culture lies 😵‍💫, and the deeply unwell beauty standards of the 90s/early 2000s 👖✨.

In this episode, the hosts unpack everything from zero-point mushrooms 🍄 and post-weigh-in sabotage lunches 🌮🍟 to perms, bangs, and the emotional damage of low-rise jeans 😭. They also get into Kelly Clarkson news 🎤, Kelly Osbourne discourse 👀, celebrity body scrutiny 📸, grief in the public eye 💔, and why women are still expected to shrink themselves — quietly 🙃.

Along the way: kitchen-table gossip ☕️, childhood storytelling 🧙‍♀️📖, phone scanners 📡, confession-level nosiness 🕵️‍♀️, and a surprisingly emotional dive into ChatGPT-generated book titles 🤖📚 that feel way too...

This week’s Listener Confession Friday takes a sharp left turn into private-investigator territory 🕵️‍♀️ when an anonymous listener admits just how far they went to get the one thing no one would give them: a straight answer. What starts as unanswered texts and vague replies spirals into church livestreams ⛪, Instagram sleuthing 📸, and the kind of detective work that would make the FBI say, “okay… maybe chill.”

From there, Jen and Ashten unpack why people are so allergic to direct communication 🙄, how “lukewarm” answers keep people emotionally stuck 🫠, and why closure sometimes requires seeing the truth with your own two eyes 👀. The conversation g...

This week we solve absolutely nothing… but loudly.

We start off by discussing unresolved beef with people who don’t even know they’re in beef with us. You know the kind. No fight. No argument. Just vibes. Bad ones. And somehow we think the best conflict resolution strategy is walking up to someone and saying:

“What’s your problem?”

Which, historically, has never escalated anything. Ever. 🙂

From there we spiral into parenting stories where we admit that half of parenting is just trying not to say what you’re actually thinking out loud...

This episode starts exactly how you’d expect from two Texas women personally victimized by ice: road rage, sliding vehicles, and what we are now officially calling VEHICULAR IRRITATION. If you’ve ever white-knuckled a steering wheel while judging every other driver’s life choices, welcome home.

Then we hit a Listener Confession that is so diabolically organized it honestly deserves a filing cabinet and a paralegal. A sweet angel of a woman has been keeping a running diary of grievances in case she ever needs it for a divorce and we immediately agree: this is genius, this i...

This episode starts innocent enough with a simple question:
If you could only listen to ONE movie soundtrack for the rest of your life… what is it?

And somehow… SOMEHOW… we end up spiraling into a full psychological breakdown about super moms, sleep schedules, and why it is deeply offensive when their husbands admire them too.

Like sir???
You see her packing organic lunches at 5:12am and you’re impressed??
We are over here eating cheese sticks and drinking coffee like raccoons with Wi-Fi.

We discuss the moms who:
    •    Volunteer
 ...

🎙️ Episode: “Say Something Nice or Remain Silent (We Spiraled Instead)”
📅 January 24 – Compliment Day

This episode is sponsored by movie rentals, emotional damage caused by the 90s, and men who will never live up to Patrick Swayze. 🕯️💃🫠

We kick things off with a Listener Confession from Tina Green, who bravely admits that every time she listens to us, it directly impacts her husband’s bank account. 🎬💸 Between Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (Ashten is RIGHT—Ben is the hottest), Gone With the Wind (Jen is ALSO right—Scarlett is a certified brat), Oklahoma, and our cabaret-induced spiral into Beaches...

🚨🎙️ TODAYS EPISODE: PURE CHAOS, ZERO ELEVATION REQUIREMENTS 🎙️🚨

On this episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, Jen and Ashten start by asking the hard-hitting question absolutely no one needed answered: what is the actual difference between a mountain and a hill 🤔⛰️ Spoiler alert: ChatGPT gets involved, feelings get hurt, and we decide it’s less about height and more about ✨attitude✨.

From there, we spiral (naturally) into the unhinged world of cruise directors because apparently being aggressively cheerful while managing thousands of vacationing strangers sounds like a nightmare… but also a personality test?? We break down...

🚨🚨 WE DID IT. Our very first Listener Confession has entered the chat… and BABY, IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT. We’re still recovering. Emotionally. Spiritually. Legally.

From there, we spiral (naturally) into the Top 10 Reasons People Get Divorced and honestly??? We are CONFUSED how some of these couples even made it to the altar in the first place. Like sir… you hated her dog, her laugh, and her entire existence but still said “I do”?? Bold. Reckless. Unwell.

Then Ashten absolutely LOSES IT over modern-day proposals. You’re telling us the girl picked out the ring, approved the timel...

🚨 MONDAY’S EPISODE: ABSOLUTE CHAOS 🚨

TikTok decided to personally attack us with a trend that claims your entire year is predicted by the song that was #1 on your 10th birthday. Jen? Blissfully skipping through life with “Walk Like an Egyptian.” Ashten? Emotionally assaulted by “One Sweet Day.” So… that tracks. 🎶🫠

Then we spiral straight into a brand-new TLC experiment where normal people are dropped into the Amish community like it’s a reality-TV Hunger Games. Spoiler: we would not survive. Jen would be taken out immediately by the plain clothing rule and Ashten is deeply confused by several guidel...

🎙️ Episode Description:

Well friends… YouTube put us in time-out and honestly? Rude. BUT WE'RE BACK!!
This week we spiral (professionally) about our ongoing YouTube troubles, why scammers and catfish are thriving in 2026, and how technology has officially made everyone suspicious of emails, DMs, AND basic human interaction.

We deep dive into generational communication differences—why some people call, some people text, and some people just ✨don’t respond✨ and call it self-care.

We also learn that January 19th is Quitter’s Day (which feels aggressive but accurate), and Jen—our resident winter fairy—gives her ver...

🎙️ NEW YEAR, SAME CHAOS 🎉

New year… new resolutions… same unhinged hosts.
This episode Jen & Ashten absolutely spiral over our own New Year’s resolutions (spoiler: accountability was not invited). We break down the most common resolutions everyone swears they’ll keep (working out, saving money, drinking water 🙄) and then dive headfirst into the MOST unhinged resolutions we’ve ever heard—including deciding you’re getting married no matter what this year (??? ma’am???) and buying a pet snake to face your fears because therapy was apparently booked.

We also take a sharp left turn to talk about Ashten’s fami...

In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from beauty trends and personal experiences with Botox to the significance of vision boards and journaling. They share their thoughts on the importance of handwritten letters and personal connections, before diving into a shocking kidnapping case that raises questions about parental abduction. The conversation also touches on the influence of cults and concludes with reflections on popular TV shows and their impact on personal lives.

In this episode of 'This Is Why We Can't Have a Podcast,' Jen and Ashten discuss the joys and challenges of Christmas traditions, the importance of friendship, and the dynamics of their relationships. They share personal stories, explore unique holiday customs from around the world, and reflect on the significance of maintaining connections with loved ones. The conversation is filled with humor, warmth, and candid moments, offering listeners a relatable and entertaining experience.

🎙️ This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast — Episode Drop 🎙️

In this episode, Jen & Ashten spiral immediately and never recover. We start with a very serious adult problem: why windshield wipers only have “too slow,” “panic mode,” and “I guess we’re hydroplaning.” From there, we dream about luxury cars we absolutely do not need, complain about the audacity of car payments, and announce that in a perfect world we are both wildly rich and mildly unhinged.

Then things escalate.

Ashten presents Aubrey’s Boyfriend Manifesto (applications currently closed, background checks implied), while also delivering a passio...

In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from the excitement of new kittens to nostalgic millennial music and the emotional connections tied to favorite Christmas movies. They share personal stories about family traditions, holiday preparations, and the sometimes scary realities of the holiday season. The conversation flows into deeper reflections on music's role in processing emotions and memories, particularly around the holidays.

Welcome back to the podcast where logic comes to die and chaos pays rent.

This week, Ashten admits that crime scene photos have ruined her life because now she feels morally obligated to keep her house spotless in case she’s murdered and doesn’t want to be humiliated post-mortem by dusty blinds and a rogue Chick-Fil-A cup.

Then we deep-dive into the existential true-crime crisis of:
When someone gets found “not guilty”… does law enforcement just go, “Welp, mystery solved, lunch?”
Like HELLO?? Casey Anthony? OJ?
Are the real killers just out there livi...