Seniors in the Building

As seniors are we seeking more safe places or happy places than in our earlier lives? Do we have places that we like to go to when we are under stress or need a break? Is it a physical space? Is it something we create in our mind? Geographic places can give us a feeling of safety, belonging or a sense of peace, sometimes they are long standing for us and sometimes we discover them in surprising ways, places like Wales, Lake Michigan, or Newfoundland. When we are forced to find safer places to be due to a break...

A smile lights up our faces and according to science has positive health benefits. Smiling at someone else makes us approachable and often brings a smile in return. So, what makes us smile? Music, movies and tv shows make us smile. Favourite comedians make us smile. Grandchildren, gardening and telling stories make us smile. But sometimes we don’t feel like smiling or laughing and we must work at making a space for laughter. Health issues particularly pile up as we age and sometimes it is hard to remember what makes us smile. What we do know is that wh...

How do we stay informed about what is going on in the world without letting all the alarming news colonize and overwhelm our inner life? What do we do to stay centred in the face of what seems like chaos? We watch the news because we want to know and be engaged in what is happening around us. It influences actions we take, it calls us to use critical thinking, and it can make us very anxious and fearful. Building resilience means managing the news, at times censuring it to avoid visceral reactions or taking a time out from...

Do the seasons affect us differently as we grow older? Have we become more aware not only of the changing world around us, but also of the changing seasons of our own lives? In the northern hemisphere, we experience the changing of the seasons quite dramatically with four very distinct seasons and we are moving through the autumn into winter. We may say the same of our lives, but our conversation continues to reflect our own unique responses to the seasons and how those responses have changed somewhat over the years. With Rick and Elaine still out east, this...

In a departure from our usual focus on aspects of growing older, we wanted to talk about what it means to be Canadian at this time in history. Rick and Elaine join the conversation from Newfoundland, having just attended the 25th Anniversary Commemoration of 911 in Gander, Nfld. That event was a moving reminder of who we are as a welcoming, compassionate, get ‘er done kind of people who embrace difference and try to ease hardship. Jean Chretien, who spoke, is one of our country’s many heroes. We acknowledge our huge country and the landscape that shapes us, giving us r...

When we retire, others may think we have retreated from the world, but in fact we are now free from the versions of ourselves that we didn’t choose. So, what looks like retreating is simply being a more authentic self. This can be both freeing and daunting at the same time. Sometimes those masks are learned behaviour, or are based on gender or societal expectations which are all more difficult to shed. We may find that after wearing a particular mask for so long we aren’t sure who we are without it. As we talk through what it m...

In this brief but mighty podcast (cut short by construction noise) we not only share the things that we still look forward to, but also those things that keep us leaning toward tomorrow. We look forward to being with family, taking a nap, reading in bed, and oddly enough, doctor appointments, things that in the moment give us pleasure and satisfaction. Staying curious and excited about space exploration, new science discoveries and even our own adventures as we travel keep us looking forward. The knowledge that nothing lasts forever and that eventually things will shift gives us hope and...

Most of us have held beliefs and opinions that once seemed right to us. But then we meet new people, have new experiences and learn new things, discovering in the process that what we once were so certain about doesn’t seem so certain anymore. In this podcast we explore some of those areas where we have changed our minds. The women’s movement helped us to shift from having a career “to fall back on” to having a legitimate career in our own right as women. We have shifted our thinking about gender identity and sexual orientation and who gets...

What happens in our lives when we notice that fewer people need us? How do we measure our worth? We are loved and beloved by our family and friends and as we age and roles shift, we must somehow accept the limits in our ability to give back to them. It does not change who we are, but it does change how we think about ourselves which can affect our sense of self-worth. Do we feel useless? Can we shift from that to just being present? It’s a process and others who have gone before can be models fo...

A brief reminder that we're taking a brief break

We live in a challenging world with a lot coming at us from many directions. How do we keep our compassion, our hope and our joy alive? Or do we? We point out all the obvious ways to cope: using humour, taking a walk, reading a book, limiting the amount of bad news we watch and seeking out good news, or doing something nice for someone else. But we also acknowledge the importance of sitting with our distress and listening to the distress of others with open ears and heart. It is not so much about keeping it together...

What stops us from talking about death? What stops us from preparing for it? If we talk about death, can it change how we live? Do we talk about death more once we’ve experienced the death of someone close to us? As we answer these questions, our conversation moves from being aware of our death as something unique to the human species to how we are planning for our own death to sharing our stories of the deaths we’ve experienced. Talking about our own death is far easier than talking about the death of someone we love beca...

What we now think of as a good day is different than when we were younger. Now a good day can mean being able to roll with what comes, making connections with others, getting out and exercising, checking one thing off the list or simply acknowledging and accepting we are out of sorts. As we laugh and talk about not going to the emergency room as a good day and that eating ice cream makes everything better, we touch something deeper in the human condition. Acknowledging that we are complex as humans helps us understand that pain and joy...

What things do we keep, why do we keep them and how do we know when it’s time to let them go? That is the question we asked ourselves today. We have gathered and acquired things over a lifetime and now, as we transition from work to retirement and start downsizing, to make it easier for our children when we’re gone, we must figure out what to do with all this stuff. When are we going to get at all those boxes of photos that we have already moved several times? What about the things that belonged to o...

We are socialized to be competitive from an early age and given messages about being the smartest, most athletic, or best looking. Conversely, we are told that we are not smart enough to go to university, or athletic enough to make the team or that we are average looking. Were we competitive at a younger age to prove something? Are we still competitive? Can being competitive motivate us? Perhaps seniors are competitive in a different way than when we were young. It is hard to let go of the competitiveness that we once had, especially if we have health...

In earlier years we had bucket lists, things we put on a list and checked off as we accomplished them. In our 70’s we find our lists have become wishes or desires and each thing on it must be examined as to whether it is still possible. We now live under the shadow of health and financial circumstances that may be limiting, family realities and the shortening horizon of time. But that does not limit our wishes, desires or longings, we still have them and having them brings hope. Living by the ocean, becoming a personal trainer, reconciliation with a...

In our last podcast on what surprises us we discovered that we experience more fear than we had expected. So how do we thrive and live as full a life as possible in the face of things that make us fearful? What does feeling secure look like? Our discussion identified physical, financial and social components among others, that can create areas of uncertainty. We identified that knowing what our resources are and having a security plan that we can rely on as our needs change are both important. Some of our insecurities have come with us from childhood and...

Surprise! We are now in our 70’s and calling ourselves seniors. What are the surprises? What isn’t a surprise? While exploring these questions we discover that we are most surprised about how busy we are with less time than anticipated to pursue our own interests. We are also surprised that out of all the places we have once lived, we find ourselves in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. We are surprised by grandchildren. We are surprised by the nature of the health problems we have but not surprised that we have them. We are surprised by the increase in anxiety and...

Music can do many things; evoke memories, make us feel younger, connect us to others and help us express grief or joy. As we talk, we discover that music also connects us to our culture, to our parents and to our own story of a life lived. It can give us a shared experience with our children and grandchildren and serve as a vehicle to express political unrest. Music has always been there in the background and as we move through our senior years, we seek out the music that gives us what we need at this time in...

Is it a minefield or a walk in the park? Today we talk about navigating life’s ups and downs in the context of a long-term relationship. Starting with the dynamics that occur in the car as one person drives and the other is a passenger, we acknowledge the communication patterns that can linger as we navigate new challenges and continue to wrestle with old ones. What are we really saying when asking if the other wants to drive? How does knowing someone so well help or hinder working through problems and making decisions? What underlies the tension that ca...

“I believe that everyone’s grief is very unique & personal. But as seniors, we may mourn differently because our life experiences have taught us a variety of coping skills that are transferable now to help us mourn our losses.” That is from today’s guest Colette Howery, answering the question, “Do seniors grieve differently?” Colette is a retired registered nurse and companion to those who grieve. She has recently written a book called Running with the Angels: A bereaved mother’s journey from hopelessness to hope” and talks to us about that journey in today’s podcast. We learn about layered or p...

What are the brave things that we do every day? We often think of bravery as huge acts of courage in times of war or national disasters instead of something we use every day. Gloria Steinem referred to bravery as outrageous acts and everyday rebellions in her book of the same name. Every time we set a boundary with someone or speak out about something we are acting bravely. When we continue to live with dignity, tenderness, curiosity and hope we are acting bravely. When courage fails, we bravely find it again. As we talk about what it might...

We are retired and have done a lot among the four of us to contribute to the world. Do we still owe something? We have contributed to our community, to our professions, to the economy and we have prioritized our families, continuing to contribute to the lives of our children and grandchildren. We really don’t owe anything to the world, but we are still called to continue to fight for the big things we have been passionate about like equality and healing the environment. We do owe some things to ourselves and in our conversation, we discover our de...

What is it like navigating the health care system as we get older? Our Canadian system is different than other countries, but some aspects of caring for seniors is the same. There are typically more health issues to manage, so care can be complex. We see our doctors more, we are referred to specialists more, we get more tests and we may show up in emergency more often. Who is looking at our care wholistically? This typically rests with the family doctor, but our doctor may have a practice rule that you can only talk about one issue per...

Do we still have an inner critic in our 70’s? After three false starts we were finally able to have the conversation. It turns out that talking about our inner critic is painful and old messages surface. So yes, we do still have an inner critic in our 70’s, one that may be even harsher because we don’t have as many distractions to keep it at bay. The deeper task is to develop a more compassionate inner life and to care for ourselves with patience and kindness. We lean into the relationships that support us, and our passions, as wel...

Lines from a Blue Rodeo song, ‘Til I am Myself Again start off our conversation about letting go of control. There can be a lot of uncertainties in all areas of our life as we age and one of the biggest fears of aging is losing the ability to make decisions for ourselves. Do we have the option to choose what we let go of? Where do we have control? Where are we obsessive in keeping control?Being aware of any declines and making adaptations to keep ahead of them is part the process, hard as that may be. Wh...

Fifty Episodes of Seniors in the Building! We celebrate getting to 50 by talking about our journey and the process we use to make the podcast. We give you a sense of how we come up with topics as we brainstorm some ideas for future podcasts. We share what gets edited out and why, the dance around handling politics and religion and what it might be like to still be friends when we are in our 90s. Throughout it all, the importance of listening in the world, reaching out to connect and finding a community is paramount. We invite you...

“Glory Days” by Bruce Springstein is a song from our youth that laments getting old and telling stories of the past. But do we live in the past now that we are older more than we live in the present? Memory is fickle, which can lead to romanticizing the past. But looking back in history helps remind us of the reality, like women’s fight to gain the right to vote, to work after marriage, have a credit card, etc., an example of the past helping us to build our future. What lies in our past may influence how we vie...

Pride can take many forms, from a quiet sense of self-respect to something that looks like arrogance. As we’ve grown older and tamed some of the inner voices that warn us not to stand out or to think too highly of ourselves, we discover just how much there is to feel good about. It turns out that we have many things we are proud of including purposeful careers, raising healthy children, staying true to our values, overcoming adversity and continuing to learn. Even starting our podcast, challenging as that was, is a source of confidence and satisfaction, especially as...

Betty White said, “Growing old isn’t for sissies”. Indeed, it is easy to focus on the things that we can no longer do, that we have lost, or on our physical ailments, but is there a flip side? Can growing older be fun? Can it have delightful moments? The answer is unequivocally yes. Whether it’s being social and laughing out loud with friends, enjoying our grandchildren, marvelling at the creativity of AI, feeling freer to express ourselves, finding courage to do new things, or discovering that being a senior is not as bad as anticipated, having fun and bein...

We have lived over 70 years and know something about mess. We also know something about joy and laughter. Yes, the world is a mess and as children of parents who lived through World War II, we were aware of that from an early age. Conflicts, tensions and the continual rise and fall of democracies and dictatorships have been a part of our upbringing. What are the safe landing places that steady us and give us hope? We talk about the patriarchal underpinnings of conflict and the drive for power and control that fuels it. The feminist movement is primary...

As an antidote to what is going on in the world, we have a conversation about our favourite things. What are those things that we like to do, eat, listen to or look at? Can they become not so favourite things over time? Reading has been one of those things we have been doing for a long time and continues to bring pleasure. Running used to be fun, but no longer and other aerobic activities have taken its place. Favourite music becomes unbearable in its patriarchal context. Favourite things can change as we discover new interests or physical limitations...

Should we be concerned about the amount of TV that seniors watch in retirement? Are there benefits to watching TV or other media formats? What might be the down sides? Is other media also implicated? Watching TV can be entertaining and educational and It can be a window to the world. On the other hand does it reflect boredom or contribute to loss of mobility and chronic disease from sitting too long. Perhaps TV can be done with discernment, and in moderation that prioritizes activity first.

What does love and romance look like when we are older? How does it change over time? What are the hurdles to overcome? The month of February brings Valentine’s Day and a highly romantic notion of love with it. As two older couples who have collectively been married for 96 years, we talk about how love has grown and changed over those years. Citing respect, companionship and a deep understanding of the other person, love becomes broader in perspective and more subtle in its demonstration. Finding ways to keep the balance in the face of health issues and adapting to...

Seniors in the Building returns for Season 3! After a short break we begin with an episode on time.

How do we understand time? How is time both fact and fiction? The universe unfolds in its own time while we humans create all kinds of constructs around time like a 24-hour clock, calendars and deadlines. When we retire, we move from those constructs into a more fluid, universal sense of time. We may struggle to find the balance between establishing enough structure to shape our days while maintaining the flexibility to be spontaneous and free of constraints. We...

Forgiveness is a lifelong journey. Our perspective on forgiveness changes over time and when carrying our woundedness takes up too much space in our lives, we look to let go of it. What does it take to be free of the anger and hurt that we have brought along with us? Is forgiveness different than letting go? Can you forgive without reconciliation? How do we heal broken relationships? It is not always possible to forgive and reconcile, which makes letting go more difficult. Looking for a wider perspective helps and we explore the words of Rolo May, a 20th...

In addition to the many areas of decision making that we have carried all our lives like meal planning and preparation, car maintenance, house maintenance and travel, we now must consider new areas that are unique to aging. Decisions related to medical conditions, downsizing, end-of-life planning, finances and family relationships intrude on what is supposed to be a less stressful time of our lives. Continually having to make choices can be exhausting for any life stage but can be particularly exhausting as an older person. Having someone to share the decisions with can be both a help and a...

A big part of the holiday season are the traditions that we keep as a family, as a culture and as a nation. What are those traditions and what do they mean to us? Shopping for meaningful gifts and making sure we find the right gift is a big part of the holiday season, not to mention when those gifts are opened. Traditional foods of the season, often cultural, are also important as are the family gatherings around food. Taking time to be together, whether it’s eating, skating, playing games or hanging out helps us take a break fr...

Reading is a big part of all our lives, and we have thoughts on that! In this episode we share what reading means to us; how it helped us find calm in large, chaotic families; legitimized being introverted; and was a means to pursue knowledge. We talk about our reading journeys and what books mean to us now. We debate e-books versus physical books and discover a place for both. We laugh with a children’s book and see evidence that we have passed our love of reading on to our children and grandchildren. Reading to grandchildren is the be...

Is our world more chaotic now? Are we living in unprecedented times? How are we impacted? More to the point, how will our children and grandchildren be impacted? What will they inherit? After a brilliant introduction, our conversation wandered somewhat from climate change to Artificial Intelligence (AI) to whether there were any historical precedents to what we are experiencing to getting overwhelmed by news and how to discern whether it’s true or not, back to AI and then positivism. We conclude we are living in turbulent times and that they are unsettling but continue to be present to ou...