Raising Boys & Girls

The episode moves the Capable series from strengths to skills, which are things kids have to be taught and practice, like tying their shoes. Managing emotions comes first. Sissy and David ask parents to notice their own reflex when a child is upset. Are they a fixer, a matcher, a minimizer, or a regulator? They point to research on co-regulation showing that kids borrow an adult’s steadiness before they can calm themselves. From there they walk through the steps: name the feeling (“name it to tame it”), validate it without approving the behavior, and skip the lecture while a chil...

Sissy and David sit down in New York with Craig Melvin to talk about his book Pops, a love letter to his father, who is now in recovery after 15 years of addiction. Craig shares how growing up with an absent dad made him and his wife Lindsay put being present first, even though they sometimes overcorrect. His reminder to his family is “if everything is special, nothing is special.” He talks about helping his kids find their people, and about how years of covering tragedy taught him that the hills and valleys are what build resilience. He hopes his kids...

Gratitude can sound like the soft strength in the capability series. Sissy and David argue it’s an essential one, because it teaches kids to hold two realities at once instead of pretending the hard thing isn’t there. They warn against “you should be grateful” responses that shut down emotions and can leave kids feeling shame. Instead, they encourage parents to let feelings have room before helping kids “widen the lens.” Sissy shares how her family’s “wow” practice, borrowed from Kathryn Price’s “delight” finger, now has four-year-old Whit stopping to notice joy at Disney. The hosts offer concrete ideas: na...

As part of the Strengths, Skills, and Strategies podcast season, NBC's Vicky Nguyen shares her family's escape from Vietnam by boat and how growing up as the perpetual "new kid" built her grit. Now she and her husband "manufacture hardship" for their three daughters, like having their middle daughter tell her Taekwondo master herself that she was quitting, because "I can't pedal the bike for you and expect you to learn how to ride it." She also explains why she praises effort over achievement and how parents can help kids face scary news: ask questions first, don't over-explain, and...

In this episode, Sissy and David explore how kids build perseverance by sticking with hard things, and how parents can stay close without stepping in to rescue them. David tells the story of a freshman cross-country runner who finished her first meet long after everyone else, cheered in by teammates who ran back onto the course for her. They share practical ideas: let kids be beginners, look for small everyday chances to keep going, and ask whether it's your child or you who needs relief. They close with Romans 5 and a challenge to tell your kids one of your...

Amy Julia Becker explains why measuring kids against developmental milestones makes children with disabilities look incapable, and why asking "what's the next small step toward growth?" shows how capable they really are. She describes letting love "wrap around" fear and helping kids feel wanted, valued, and needed. She also shares how person-centered goal-setting turned 12-year-old Penny's dream of living with friends in Chicago into "Mondays, Penny does her own laundry." Her advice for overwhelmed parents is to pick one overwhelming thing, ask "who could help me?", and take one small step toward that person.

Resources mentioned:

Sissy and David open with a "How Flexible Are You Really?" quiz and explain that flexibility is what happens after disappointment. They say they've never seen kids, or parents, struggle with it this much, and they connect rigidity to anxiety's need for certainty and to the "control monster." They share four ways to build flexibility: name it, make it fun with low-stakes practice like a flexibility jar or a family points challenge, reward the practice, and model it yourself. They close with the idea that being capable means trusting yourself to find plan B.

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Dr. Shefali Tsabary, author of Raising Conscious Daughters and Raising Conscious Sons, explains how technology targets boys through their drive for achievement and girls through their need for approval. She describes girls struggling with perfectionism beneath polished exteriors, and boys caught between a culture that treats masculinity as a bad word and a manosphere that turns it into a cartoon. Instead of starting with a digital detox, she urges parents to build "havens" of connection: small shared tasks, side-by-side movement with boys, and seeing girls as their ordinary selves. She closes by reminding girls that they don't have to...

Kicking off a new stretch of their Capable series, Sissy Goff and David Thomas explore the strength of competence, distinguishing it from confidence: confidence says "I think I can," competence says "I've done hard things before," and it's built by practicing through real, manageable struggles rather than being rescued from them. They introduce "the capable pause" — asking whether a situation is truly unsafe or just uncomfortable before stepping in illustrated by David's story of coaching his daughter Lily through a recurring conflict with a classmate instead of solving it for her. The episode closes with a challenge to notice on...

Blake Brewer joins Sissy and David to tell the story of watching his father drown in Hawaii when he was 19, and how a letter his dad had written him, discovered in his briefcase hours later,  anchored him through grief and inspired the Legacy Letter Challenge. He shares what helped him grieve well, from adults who gave him space rather than pressure to still letting himself cry decades later, and reflects on the ripple effects of his dad's words now that he's a husband and father. He outlines the letter-writing process he teaches (apology, love, wisdom, memories) and how it's g...

Closing out their series on grief, Sissy Goff and David Thomas focus on remembering, living, and hoping. They encourage parents to follow a child's lead on keepsakes and conversations, try tangible practices like memory boxes and collecting stories from relatives, and mark anniversaries without a script for doing it "correctly." They also address the guilt that can come with living fully again, how grief shows up unevenly in kids, and remind parents they don't have to heal on the same timeline as their child. The episode ends with three truths to hold onto — you are not alone, you will be...

Pastor and author Tyler Staton joins David Thomas for an honest conversation about prayer, parenting, and his journey through advanced-stage cancer. Tyler shares creative ways families can help children engage with prayer, including prayer jars and prayer trees, while reminding parents that prayer is not only about the words spoken between “Dear God” and “Amen,” but about who we become afterward. He reflects on learning to release control, live more fully present, and allow prayer to shape him into a more patient and playful father. Together, Tyler and David encourage parents to trust that God loves their children even more tha...

Sissy Goff and David Thomas share four things grieving children need most: conversation, community, consistency, and coping. They explain how honest, age-appropriate conversations can help children feel grounded, why safe adults and peers are essential, and how familiar routines and boundaries create security during seasons of change. They also offer practical coping strategies for navigating big emotions and remind parents that children do not need perfect answers. They need adults who will stay present, make room for their grief, and remind them that they are safe, seen, and loved.

Resources mentioned:

Helping Kids Through Grief...

Sissy and David are joined by author and speaker Toni Collier for an honest and hope-filled conversation about the power of community in helping kids and families navigate grief and hardship. Drawing from her family’s experience with divorce, Toni shares how accepting support from safe people strengthened both her and her children. Together, they discuss why resilience is built over time, how to help kids recognize safe relationships, and the importance of balancing bravery with rest. Toni also offers practical ideas for building meaningful community, inviting children to contribute through service, and stepping into kids’ worlds so they feel...

Grief looks different at every age, and understanding a child’s developmental stage can help parents recognize what they need most. Sissy Goff and David Thomas explore how grief may appear in babies and toddlers, preschoolers, elementary-age children, middle schoolers, and teenagers—from regression and separation anxiety to withdrawal, risk-taking, and unexpected emotional reactions. They offer practical guidance for providing stability, addressing guilt, creating opportunities for side-by-side conversations, and surrounding kids with trusted support. Above all, they remind parents that children don’t need perfect words—they need adults who notice, remain close, and continually reassure them, “I see you, I’m h...

In this episode of Raising Boys and Girls, it features Sissy Goff and David Thomas in an in-person conversation with author and Duke professor Kate Bowler about her newest book, Joyful Anyway. Kate unpacks the difference between happiness (built from luck and circumstance) and joy (a surprising, embodied experience that can coexist with grief and hardship), drawing on her own journey through stage four cancer. She talks about letting go of the "professional happiness manager" role in parenting, how to be honest with kids about grief without burdening them, and how relinquishing control can open people up to deeper...

Grief can look very different in children than it does in adults. In this episode, Sissy Goff and David Thomas share five important ways kids process loss: in small doses, in the middle of everyday life, through emotions connected to secondary losses, through play, and in new ways as they grow and develop. They encourage parents to follow their child’s lead, offer language when grief unexpectedly surfaces, and remember that there is no “right” timetable or expression of grief. Rather than trying to make children grieve like adults, caregivers can remain close, make room for remembering, and reassure kids t...

Ginny Yurich, founder of 1000 Hours Outside, joins Sissy and David to explore how outdoor play, movement, and hands-on experiences prepare children to learn and grow. She shares how homeschooling has shaped her understanding of education, emphasizing that children learn constantly through their interests, relationships, everyday responsibilities, and time in nature. Ginny also explains how outdoor play builds problem-solving skills, agency, confidence, and the ability to assess healthy risks. In a rapidly changing, technology-driven world, she encourages parents to focus less on performance and more on developing distinctly human strengths such as creativity, empathy, communication, practical skills, and meaningful relationships.<...

Parent-teacher conferences can feel stressful for parents, but Sissy Goff and David Thomas encourage families to approach them as opportunities to build a supportive team around their child. They share practical ways to create a spirit of partnership with teachers, receive honest feedback without becoming defensive, and look beyond grades to understand how a child is growing academically, emotionally, and socially. They also remind parents to focus on a few meaningful next steps, involve children in solving problems, and recognize where stepping back may allow kids to develop greater independence, responsibility, and confidence.

Suggested parent-teacher conference questions:<...

In this episode, Sissy and David sit down with Michael and Melissa Kruger to talk about helping families build meaningful spiritual rhythms together. The Krugers share the heart behind their new book, The Good News Family Devotional: Fifty-Two Weeks Through the Gospel of Mark, and encourage parents that family discipleship doesn’t have to be perfect or complicated to make a lasting impact. They discuss creating space for kids to ask hard questions, building resilience through a loving and faith-filled home, and remembering that small, consistent steps over time can shape a child’s faith for years to come.

As kids head back to school, Sissy Goff and David Thomas share five practical ways parents can help them navigate the big emotions that often come with transition. They encourage parents to expect heightened feelings, lend kids their confidence, let feelings “ride but not drive,” protect margin for rest, and help kids collect evidence of their own capability. With simple scripts and questions parents can use at home, Sissy and David remind us that the goal isn’t for kids to become fearless—it’s for them to learn that they can feel nervous, overwhelmed, or uncertain and still move forwa...

Sissy Goff and David Thomas sit down with Lysa TerKeurst for a meaningful conversation about making peace with what we can’t control—especially as parents. Lysa shares what she’s learned through raising five children, walking through divorce, and now becoming a grandmother, including the importance of keeping kids talking, releasing the need to control outcomes, and allowing children to experience consequences and build resilience. She reminds parents that their children’s mistakes don’t define their parenting and encourages families to create a strong sense of belonging, pursue their own growth, and trust God with what they ultimately...

As kids head back to school, friendships can bring just as much anxiety as academics. In this episode, Sissy Goff and David Thomas share five practical ways parents can help kids build social confidence: practice the first few minutes of the day, teach kids to notice others, give them simple conversation starters, allow friendships time to grow, and celebrate courage instead of popularity. They remind parents that friendship is a skill that develops through practice, small risks, repeated interactions, and plenty of imperfect moments along the way.

Resources mentioned:

Capable by David Thomas and Sissy...

Melanie Shankle and Sophie Hudson join David and Sissy for a funny, honest conversation about raising capable kids without giving in to pressure, perfectionism, or the urge to rescue them from every hard moment. Drawing from their friendship and experiences parenting young adults, they discuss the importance of allowing kids to fail, advocate for themselves, handle responsibilities, and develop confidence in their own decision-making. They also share how laughter creates perspective and strengthens family relationships, making room for both lighthearted moments and harder conversations. Melanie and Sophie encourage parents to know their individual child, model an authentic faith, apologize...

As the new school year approaches, Sissy Goff and David Thomas help parents understand why transitions can bring big feelings, physical symptoms, and anxious thoughts for both kids and adults. They share an easy-to-remember “A+ Anxiety Plan”: anticipate anxiety, create an action plan, avoid avoidance, act it out through practice, and affirm courage. With practical scripts and strategies for navigating school drop-off, social situations, and after-school conversations, Sissy and David encourage parents to help kids take small, brave steps and collect evidence that they are capable of handling hard things.

Resources mentioned: 

Capable by David Thoma...

Dr. Dale Atkins joins David and Sissy to explore how speed, chronic stress, digital distraction, and intensive parenting are reshaping family relationships and contributing to a crisis of capability in kids. She shares practical wisdom for building stronger connections across generations, including listening without becoming defensive, respecting adult children as independent people, offering guidance without taking over, and staying curious when experiences or memories differ. The conversation also highlights the importance of unstructured family time, emotional safety, intergenerational relationships, and modeling kindness through small, everyday actions.

Resources mentioned:

Dr. Dale Atkins website

The...

Friendships are where kids practice being human, but social anxiety, screens, group dynamics, and “rollercoaster” relationships are making connection harder than ever. Sissy and David offer practical ways parents can help kids recognize healthy friendships, develop realistic expectations, practice conversation and initiation, understand reciprocity, set kind boundaries, and navigate awkward moments. Rather than managing every relationship, parents can coach kids to find good friends, have a “good picker,” and become the kind of friend they hope to have.

Resources mentioned

Capable by David Thomas and Sissy Goff

I Am Capable by David Thomas and Siss...

Katty and Hunter Connelly join Sissy and David to share what they have learned while raising four very different children. They discuss building capability through honesty, responsibility, hard work, and allowing kids to experience the consequences of their choices rather than constantly stepping in to fix things. They also offer encouragement for navigating sibling conflict, treating children fairly without treating them exactly the same, launching young adults, and trusting that strained sibling relationships can grow stronger over time. Through plenty of honesty about their own mistakes, Katty and Hunter remind parents that apologizing, letting go, and consistently communicating unconditional...

Sibling relationships can be some of the longest and most meaningful relationships in a person’s life, helping kids develop empathy, resilience, social skills, and healthy conflict resolution. Sissy and David encourage parents to see sibling comparison, fairness battles, and everyday arguments as opportunities to build lifelong skills rather than problems to eliminate. They share practical ways to strengthen sibling connection, including allowing kids time to work through disagreements, coaching rather than controlling conflict, practicing repair, creating shared experiences and responsibilities, protecting each child’s individuality, and looking beneath difficult behavior to understand what may really be going on.

David and Sissy talk with two beloved educators, kindergarten teacher Wheat Teller and high school history teacher Dan Carpenter, about what capability looks like in the classroom from the earliest years through high school. Together, they discuss the importance of letting kids struggle in age-appropriate ways, resist the urge to rescue, build emotional regulation, develop independence, and learn through challenge and even failure. Wheat and Dan also talk about the effects of busyness and screens, the need for reading, family dinners, focused study time, and slowing down enough for kids to experience the joy of learning.

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Sissy and David celebrate the powerful role teachers, coaches, mentors, and other trusted adults play in helping kids grow into capable, resilient people. They reflect on the teachers and mentors who made them feel seen, believed in, challenged, and loved, and they remind listeners that one steady, caring adult can change the trajectory of a child’s life. They also talk about the practical ways educators and coaches build capability in kids by helping them feel known beyond performance, offering safe challenge, supporting anxious children with calm and clear expectations, and offering hope. The episode closes with a challenge fo...

Sissy and David talk with Barbara “Babs” Costello, beloved social media creator, former preschool founder, mom of four, and grandmother of nine, about the lasting impact of words, the gift of intentional grandparenting, and creating a home that feels peaceful rather than perfect. Babs shares wisdom from her new children’s book, Did Your Mother Ever Tell You?, encouraging parents to make space for kids’ big feelings while speaking life-giving words over them. She also offers practical homemaking advice, including her simple “15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes at night” routine, and makes a strong case for screen-free family dinners as a...

In this conversation, John and Carole Ferguson and their daughters reflect on the rhythms that built a close, capable, faith-filled family across generations. They share how clear expectations, consistent family meals, chores, service, hospitality, gentle correction, and intentional time with extended family gave their children both security and responsibility. As grandparents, John and Carole emphasize the importance of prayer, showing up for meaningful moments, supporting without managing, welcoming spouses as family, and helping each grandchild feel deeply loved, accepted, and known.

Questions David mentions:

When you think about your family growing up, what did your...

In this conversation, David and Sissy explore the important role grandparents play in helping children grow into capable, resilient adults. They discuss how grandparents provide a unique source of wisdom, encouragement, and unconditional love while reinforcing the values parents are teaching at home. The episode also highlights the power of family stories, meaningful traditions, and intentional connection in helping kids develop a stronger sense of identity, belonging, and confidence.

Questions David mentions:

When you think about your family growing up, what did your parents do that made you feel most safe, seen, and known?

Sissy and David sit down with Sharon McMahon to discuss how parents can help children become informed, resilient, and capable in a complicated world. Sharon shares her journey from classroom teacher to becoming “America’s Government Teacher,” and talks about the importance of balancing protection and preparation as kids grow. Together, they explore how children can handle difficult topics when guided by trusted adults, why self-awareness is essential for modeling calm engagement, and how teaching kids to focus on “the next needed thing” helps build confidence and agency. Sharon also shares the inspiring story of civil rights leader Septima Clark and...

Builder and longtime Daystar friend Doug Durr joins his daughters, Allye Gray and Analise Glover, to reflect on the unique bond between fathers and daughters. They share stories of growing up on job sites, farms, and adventures with their dad while learning lessons about grit, resilience, service, and character. Doug discusses the importance of hard work, staying present through every season of life, and walking with his children through both joys and challenges. The family also opens up about grief, recovery, and the role counseling and honesty played in keeping them deeply connected. Ultimately, this conversation highlights how unwavering...

David and Sissy explore the unique role fathers play in helping daughters develop confidence, resilience, and capability. Through personal stories, research, and counseling insights, they discuss how dads build capability by spending time with their daughters, teaching practical skills, staying emotionally engaged, and continuing to pursue connection even during the challenging adolescent years. They also address common pitfalls, such as aligning with daughters against moms or withdrawing when daughters seem distant, and offer practical ways fathers can strengthen connection through shared experiences, curiosity, encouragement, and consistent presence. 

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In this Capable Connections conversation, Hunter Henry and his mom, Jenny Henry, reflect on the values and experiences that shaped Hunter from childhood to adulthood. They discuss the importance of faith, grace, character, perseverance, family dinners, and meaningful connection, as well as the challenges of giving kids increasing independence as they grow. Through stories about sports, family life, and parenting missteps, they highlight how strong relationships, encouragement, and trust help children develop confidence, resilience, and capability.

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David and Sissy explore the powerful relationship between moms and sons, emphasizing that moms are often a boy’s emotional home base and play a key role in shaping his confidence, emotional health, and future relationships. They discuss how boys often express their biggest emotions where they feel safest and encourage moms to respond with warmth, steadiness, and clear boundaries. The conversation also highlights the importance of helping boys build responsibility, self-regulation, and respect while avoiding unhealthy patterns of over-accommodation.

Resources mentioned

Capable by David Thomas and Sissy Goff

Strong and Smart: A Bo...

Sissy Goff and David Thomas sit down with father and son Randy and Scott Hearon for a deeply honest conversation about the father-son relationship. Through stories spanning childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, they explore the messages boys receive about identity, capability, performance, faith, and belonging. Randy reflects on his growth as a father, including the impact of addiction, sports culture, and grace, while Scott shares how his dad’s presence, vulnerability, encouragement, and willingness to grow alongside him shaped his life. Together they discuss the importance of helping boys know they have what it takes, the dangers of performance-based identity, an...