Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

World famous relationship therapist Esther Perel has been studying relationships for over 40 years. She joins Nicole to share the most common problems couples seek therapy for, the 3 types of conflicts we fight over, and how to productively resolve them. Esther discusses how to get over "icks" while dating, and challenges us to ask ourselves: what "icks" would people find in you? They also explore exactly why modern dating feels so incredibly tough right now, the fact that therapy speak has gone mainstream thanks to shows like The Sopranos, and whether that's a good or bad thing. Plus, Esther shares a...

Author Rachel Reid (Heated Rivalry) joins Nicole to chat about the wild, viral success of her steamy queer romance novels and the hit HBO adaptation. She shares how she met her husband while performing a smelly, hockey-themed burlesque act, and the dynamic that keeps their 20-year one sided open marriage working for them. She discusses the creative process behind writing explicit romance between men, and exactly why she absolutely does not want to hear your glowing reviews of her work. Plus, Rachel opens up about navigating her recent Parkinson's diagnosis.
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Comedian and actor Beck Bennett (SNL, What's Our Podcast?) joins Nicole to talk about meeting his wife on a sketch shoot and how his wallet-less first date turned into a romantic, fart-filled sleepover. Beck opens up about surviving long-distance dating while shooting SNL, why he believes "love is trust," and the Joshua Tree engagement trip that ended with them sleeping in separate twin beds. He shares the creative ways he jerked off as a kid (including using a Sock'em Bopper and a vibrating pen), and Nicole admits to stealing her first vibrator from Spencer’s Gifts.
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Voice actress Sarah Natochenny (Pokémon) joins Nicole for a chat about how voicing Ash Ketchum inspired her to become the adventurous protagonist of her own life. Sarah shares her method for vetting a first date, why she has absolutely zero tolerance for men who neg her, and why animal companions (like her cat, Pikachu) will always be better than a boyfriend. Plus, the gals discuss Cher's wild 40-year age gap relationship, share tips for traveling solo as a single woman, and Nicole recounts a horrifying road rage incident that still haunts her.
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Fashion icon Tan France (Queer Eye, Honorable Gays) joins Nicole for a chat about how a planned "slut tour" accidentally resulted in an 18-year marriage, his secret past designing clothes for Mormon women, and why he really, really didn't want to be on Queer Eye. Tan gets real about the intense racism he faced dating in the UK - including the multiple times guys forced him to keep their dates a secret. Plus, he shares a horrifying first date story that had him walking out of dinner early, and they rip apart the bizarre new "looksmaxxing" trend.
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Artist and actress Makhyli (Boys World) joins Nicole to chat about her experience dating while in a pop girl group. Makhyli shares how she literally created a "Build-A-Boy" slideshow presentation to manifest her current boyfriend - and it actually worked! The girls swap their worst car-date horror stories, from a guy so cheap he forced Makhyli to share a single McDonald's french fry, to a man who casually had rotting food in his backseat. Makhyli opens up about navigating relationship paranoia with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and the two discuss tips they've picked up for dating with ADHD. Plus they...

Actor Nathan Mitchell (The Boys, Ginny & Georgia) joins Nicole to discuss being in relationship limbo, and why it’s actually great to be on the same page about not being on the same page. He shares a date gone horribly wrong when his date air-humped a stranger, a make-out session that left him bloody, and he addresses the theories that he is AI. Nicole shares her experience with a man who thought a picture of a sandwich was an appropriate thirst trap. Plus, Nathan explains the importance of astrology in dating and gives Nicole a deep-dive birth chart reading that uncove...

Actor and director Danielle Fishel (Boy Meets World, Girl Meets World) joins Nicole for a chat about how it felt to be treated as a "sex symbol" in the 90s before she was even an adult. Danielle talks about the gross public countdowns to her 18th birthday, and the trauma of being mocked on her own show for being "fat" at a size 4.She shares what it was like taking Lance Bass to her high school prom during the absolute peak of *NSYNC, having Sabrina Carpenter and John Mayer in her wedding party, and details a 3-day nightmare date from...

Comedian Drew Droege (Search Party, Bob's Burgers) joins Nicole for a chat about why you should never blow out your own candle in a relationship, the creepy phenomenon of couples who look like twins, and how pop culture's been romanticized abusive relationships. Drew introduces Nicole to a new hookup app that is basically Yelp for blowjobs, and reads some of the incredible BJ reviews that are written like romance novels. Plus, they break down the new Alexander Skarsgård dom/sub rom-com movie, Pillion.Los Angeles! See Drew Droege's show, Theatre Idiot at Dynasty Typewriter on April 1st. Get tickets a...

Legendary comedian and actress Kym Whitley (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Young and Hungry) joins Nicole to chat about entering their healthy era. She fixes Nicole's hydration habits, shares easy ways she incorporates exercise into her routine, and they discuss their life post-weight loss. Kym shares her wildest dating stories, including jumping an ex's fence in a catsuit and cape, and the televised blind date she had with an unexpected star. Plus, Kym teaches us the lost art of flirting.
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Showgirl and drag queen Fantasia Royale Gaga (DIY Dungeon) joins Nicole to discuss her journey to becoming "The Body". Fantasia shares the realities of her dating life, explaining the difference between a man who is genuinely attracted to trans women versus a chaser just looking to fulfill a fetish. She reveals why she uses Grindr like a social media app, and shares experience building a BDSM dungeon.Plus, Fantasia opens up about the extreme measures strangers take to sneak photos of her in public, the intrusive questions people ask about her body, and surviving religious trauma from a church that...

Drag queen Sapphira Cristál (Drag Race S16) joins Nicole for an educational chat about being a dom, impact play, and the 12-hour prep cycle for bottoming - including how to douche properly and the secret medication trick for staying clean through the night.Sapphira tells the story of how she met her partner through an Instagram gym thirst trap originally meant for another drag queen, and the time she gave a blowjob so good that a man wrote a song about it.
See Sapphira on tour! Get tickets at seesapphira.com
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Legendary drag and meme queen Jasmine Masters (Drag Race S7, All-Stars 4) joins Nicole for a chat about being high for most of Drag Race season 7 and exactly how she snuck weed into the show. Jasmine spills on the origins of her viral "And I Oop-" video and recounts her absolute WORST hookup ever. Plus, we hear about the time her friends accidentally threw her a sold-out meet-and-greet at an Olive Garden on her birthday, and her strict rules for taking care of bad feet.
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Comedian and drag queen Nicholas Scheppard (Very Gay Paint, Art to Me) is fresh out of a breakup. He joins Nicole for a chat about the uphill climb out of it, why working with an ex-boyfriend is absolute torture, and the haunting theory that your partner will tell you exactly how they'll break your heart in the first week. Nicole shares the messy story about a situationship who didn't believe in monogamy, and her obsession with her Ninja Creami.
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Happy Galentine's Day! Comedian and best friend Sasheer Zamata (SNL, Best Friends) returns to the podcast to celebrate the most important relationship of all: female friendship. They do a quick catch up on Sasheer's love life, learn the origins and meaning behind Galentine's Day, and discuss the intimacy of female friendships that you just can't get from a romantic partner. They share some of their favorite Valentine's Day activities, and recount some of their recent dates together, including getting their tarot cards read, taking a jewelry making class and the time they got too high and went to Burger King.<...

Drag queen icon Heidi N Closet (RuPaul's Drag Race S12, All Stars 8) is dressed up like Jesse from Pokemon to geek out over her favorite anime and spill on her beef with Nicki Minaj. Heidi opens up about the rules that keep her open relationship working and shares stories from her pre-fame jobs, including the time she cleaned literal shit at a gas station and the reason she got fired from a hospital. They also discuss her favorite sex move called "The Finisher" and her love of being watched, while Nicole shares the time she sat on a man's face...

Designer and drag queen Danny Godoy is here! Known for creating iconic looks for queens like Bob the Drag Queen, Kim Chi, Kerri Colby, and more, Godoy talks about accidentally coughing and farting on Nicole, teaching her how to sew in a single day, and what happens at their drag queen craft nights.He shares the worst date of his life and explains why you should be keeping coconut oil in the bedroom. Nicole tells the details of her horrific dental drama.
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Rapper and songwriter Brooke Candy (host of Unwrapped) joins Nicole to discuss meeting her future husband in a desert shack and moving in with him after only a week. She shares the time her wig fell off mid-hookup, what made her go from open relationships to a monogamous one, and relationship texting styles.Brooke relives her jobs in the HUSTLER office, working as a stripper, and being a blunt-roller for a money laundering front. Plus, Nicole shares her theory on why she is murder-proof.Check out her podcast Unwrapped, with Nicole Byer.
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Queen of Cameo and Drag Race S17 star Kori King joins Nicole to spill her experience finding love on the set of Drag Race. Kori opens up about her on-and-off-screen romance with Lydia B. Kollins, revealing the exact moment their romance turned real, and why opposites attract.She shares wild stories from her hustling days - from dealing with naked customers while managing a Walgreens, having a drunk mom lick her armpit during a drag show, and her journey beating Nikki Blonsky as the Queen of Cameo.Plus, Kori breaks down the relationship drama inside her colony of 20 guinea pigs...

Drag queen icon Lushious Massacr joins Nicole to share how she fell in love last night with a man she met on Facebook Dating, getting charmed by a panty sniffer, and the reason she’s banned from Hinge and Tinder. She also breaks down how tapping into your feminine force is a superpower used to get exactly what you want.Lushious shares all of the terrible times men she's hooked up with who have tried to rob her, and how she's since learned to "trade proof" her home. Plus, Luscious explains her theory on why women pegging their men could le...

Drag queen icon Ginger Minj (Drag Race All Stars winner S10) joins Nicole to discuss the backlash she’s faced since winning the crown and addresses the "lying" accusations swirling around her - and why she’s done ignoring the drama. She opens up about losing 200 lbs this year, dealing with fans who still have nasty things to say about her body, and shares what it was like getting diagnosed with autism during her psychological review for All Stars.Plus, the wild details about her love life. Ginger talks about escaping a toxic 11-year relationship and finding happiness in a poly...

Emmy Award-winning interior designer Bobby Berk (Queer Eye, Junk or Jackpot?) joins Nicole to share the secrets of success behind his 22-year relationship. He discusses meeting his husband on Gay.com, his trick to manipulate a partner into having better taste, and the wild reason why everyone was throwing up during his marriage proposal. Plus, he explains why he refuses to give gifts or celebrate Valentine's Day, and why giving in to those societal pressures is actually the quickest way to ruin a relationship.
Watch Junk or Jackpot? Premiering today on HGTV, streaming on HBO Max.
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Happy holidays! You’re getting an xxxtra special xxxtra long holiday episode with Santa Claus himself (Mike Mitchell - Doughboys podcast, Twisted Metal). He joins Elf Nicole to complain about why Santas are getting too hot and buff, and Nicole reveals the time she was fired for being too jolly.They talk about Mitch’s journey with long COVID, the struggle of losing libido from medications, and their shared experiences losing weight. Has it helped their sexual health? Plus, Mitch shares a truly wild dating story where his date asked someone else to hook up with her. They discuss why the h...

Drag Race royalty Latrice Royale and her husband Christopher Hamblin join Nicole to discuss the wild story of how he went from a fan organizing a messy meet-and-greet to Latrice’s husband. They get real about what it's like to work and be married together, open up about the reception of their interracial marriage, and shut down the wild accusations they've received about their relationship.Latrice also reveals that Drag Race filming is so strict she actually had "more freedom in jail," and shares why she went from never wanting to get married to realizing she needed it in her li...

Drag Race winner Yvie Oddly (season 11) and co-host Ryan Mitchell (HIGHKEY!) join Nicole to overshare.Yvie discusses her reaction to Ariana Grande naming her a favorite, her thoughts on the internet's response to her season of Drag Race, the details of her open relationship, and getting stretched out by a didgeridoo. Ryan shares his history of dating terrible men, getting cheated on 7 times, and the time he followed a stranger to a hotel for a hookup that could’ve been a murder. They all discuss the craziest things a hookup has said while they were inside you, the hottest kind of...

When Nava Kavelin (host of Podcrushed) lost weight at 16, the shift in how the world treated her was immediate and jarring. She went from being invisible to having 10 boys aggressively pursuing her. She joins Nicole to unpack the complicated resentment of suddenly becoming "visible" to people who previously looked right through you.They get into why reciprocity is the bare minimum for a good relationship, the misery of dating someone long-term who won't commit, and how soap operas like Passions warped their brains into thinking it’s okay to chase people who don't like you. Nava also shares the time sh...

What happens when a porn actress comes after your drag name? Lexi Love (RuPaul's Drag Race S17) joins Nicole to talk through the legal fight she never expected to be in and what it is costing her to protect the career she's built. She opens up about the panic attacks she had while filming her season of Drag Race and shares the mistreatment she experienced in rehab, which became a traumatic part of her recovery journey. Plus, Lexi also talks about her past life teaching anti money laundering to bankers, her best dates, and the night she was left abandoned w...

In 2012, comedian Tig Notaro was diagnosed with invasive cancer, got pneumonia, contracted C. diff, went through a breakup, and then lost her mother - all within four months. Tig joins Nicole to talk about how surviving that period changed her outlook on life, how she rebuilt, and how an ironic “sweet dreams” text turned into the most adorable relationship with her wife Stephanie. They talk about how commitment ended up giving Tig a sense of freedom, finding comedy in the darkest moments in life, raising twins, and her new documentary Come See Me in the Good Light.
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Comedian and friend Oscar Montoya (Dropout TV, Drag Her) is back for another kiki. They talk about the best slutty Halloween costumes, the casual racism in early-2000s fashion, recounts stories of wild audience members, dating someone as a "bit", and Nicole shares the time she officiated a wedding proposal while soaked in toilet water. It's a nice fun time.See the Bad Drag Race finale in LA Nov 15th, co-hosted by Nicole, Oscar, and Mano. Get tickets here.
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Boo! Friend and comedian Mano Agapion (Drag Her, We Love Trash) joins Nicole for a Halloween special with a creepy ghost story, a "psychic" sex criminal, funeral planning, and lipstick teeth. Mano recounts the chilling time he saw a ghost in Greece, the so-called astrologer who stuck a finger up his bum, and Nicole shares her plan for a funeral birthday where friends give eulogies while she lies in a casket. Plus, Nicole realizes she's too clingy in her relationship. it’s our most haunted episode yet. Happy Halloween!
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Drag queen icon Kim Chi (RuPaul's Drag Race S8, author of Kim Chi Eats The World) joins Nicole to talk about what it’s like to have never dated anyone, and whether she even wants to. She opens up about being afraid to get hurt, growing up with crushes who didn’t like her back, and why are all the conspiracy nuts booed up? Kim shares wild stories from her drag-tour days (including the time she was recognized during a lap dance), having a twink convention show up at her hotel, and story about queens who skip meet-and-greets and cause chao...

Model and Drag Race pit crew member Bruno Alcantara joins Nicole to discuss his love for biting (and the time he got kicked out of a bar for it), being barefoot on set of Drag Race, working as a massage therapist and life coach, and discovering he was gay after having a couple of girlfriends. Plus, Bruno gives Nicole a happy ending massage while sharing his best advice as a life coach.Check out Happy Endings with Bruno on WOW Presents Plus.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcast
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Drag queen Angeria Paris VanMichaels (Winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars S9) wants your hole pic. She joins Nicole to talk about the etiquette of hooking up with a RuGirl, those confusing “boyfriend things” that blur situationships, and why being the one who always texts first is exhausting.Angeria opens up about what she really wants in a partner, how she’s manifesting real love after years of being single, and the thrill of the chase. Plus, Nicole receives a sandwich in her email.
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Nurse practitioner and pole dancer Neda Momeni is here and teaches Nicole a lot! From her years as a labor and delivery nurse, she explains what actually happens in the hospital during childbirth and what most people never hear about until they’re living it. She talks about Muslim dating, from family expectations to apps like Minder and her experience using an online matchmaker. Pressure pushed her to marry the wrong man, and she ended up going no-contact with her parents. After cutting ties, pole dancing became her outlet, and a video of her performing in a hijab went viral...

Drag queen, singer, and actress Adore Delano (RuPaul's Drag Race S6, All Stars 2, American Idol) joins Nicole to share stories about hooking up with go-go dancers, filming a sex tape she regrets, and her path to sobriety. She opens up about transitioning twice, the facial feminization surgery she underwent, and her current relationship with a trans man Nicole and Adore swap dating lessons, talk about why a healthy relationship can feel so strange, and discuss why an amusement park date is the ultimate compatibility test.
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Actress Rachel Bilson (The O.C., Broad Ideas) once lost a job over something she said on a podcast. She tells Nicole what that was like, current cancel culture, and why “free speech” doesn’t always apply to everyone. Rachel shares some of her wildest dating stories, from terrible first dates, rejected kisses, and men who love bomb too fast. Also, is it good to call before a first date, or is it unhinged? Rachel discusses what it's like to date in the spotlight, the time she got into a fight with a pig, and teaches Nicole all about Labubus.
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Rapper and friend Big Dipper (host of Sloppy Seconds) returns to the pod! He and Nicole dive into how he became a bear, the many “gaybels” that shape queer dating culture, and the highs and lows of Bear Week and pig events, from the wild parties to the moments that left him questioning everything. Dipper unpacks the twink vs. bear dynamic and explains compersion - the joy of watching your partner get pleasure from someone else.He also shares the wild story of a influencer showing up to his sex party to shoot content, why he won’t let Nicole work h...

Comedian, clown, and artist Jenson Titus (of @VeryGayPaint) tells Nicole what it was like to date someone who's in the process of transitioning. The experience made him realize he’s bi, and left him feeling “more queer” than ever. He talks about the challenges of having a "Very Gay" brand while dating a woman, launching his mural business, and the surreal job of painting RuPaul’s 1-bedroom, 5-closet mansion. They talk about their dream date ideas, the act of clowning, and Nicole shares her plan to lose her virginity to a gay.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://ww...

Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon (Winner of Dancing with the Stars) joins Nicole to share the dating life of a Olympian. He shares what it was like being one of the first openly gay U.S. Olympians, why the infamous Olympic condoms left him disappointed, and what the sex life in the Olympic Village is really like. He also breaks down for Nicole exactly what it takes to become an Olympian, and the incestuous nature of figure skaters. Meanwhile, Nicole and her boyfriend take a vacation where he gets to witness her true colors for the very first time.
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Co-writers Dan Gregor and Doug Mand (The Naked Gun) have been writing partners for twenty years - which is basically a marriage at this point. They tell Nicole about the time they were "dumped" by Adam Pally, how they’ve kept a friendship and business alive without burning each other out, and the rabbi who completely ruined a wedding by trying to do bits. They also shared the best marriage advice they’ve ever gotten, and what it feels like to spiral when you don’t think you’re worthy of love. Plus, while on vacation, Nicole overhears a couple fighting...