Three Percent

What if your people pleasing isn't really about being kind? What if it's actually about protecting yourself from rejection, conflict, or disappointment? People pleasing often looks like kindness, generosity, and selflessness. But beneath the surface, it can be driven by fear, a need for control, and a habit of abandoning our own needs to keep others comfortable. In this episode of the Three Percent Podcast, therapists and best friends Jamie and Blake explore the uncomfortable truth about people pleasing—and why being nice isn't always the same as being kind. With Thanksgiving and the holidays approaching, they discuss how pe...

Why do we keep repeating the same relationship patterns, even when we desperately want things to change? In this episode of The Three Percent Podcast, Jamie and Blake sit down with Jimmy Knowles (Jimmy on Relationships) for an honest, funny, and surprisingly vulnerable conversation about marriage, anxious and avoidant attachment, emotional safety, and the patterns that keep us disconnected. Jimmy opens up about his own marriage nearly ending, what he's learned about his anxious attachment, and why even people who desperately want connection can struggle to create it. Together, they explore: Why anxious and avoidant partners often get stuck...

You know your patterns. You understand where they came from. So why is it still so hard to change? In Part 3 of The Three Percent Field Guide, Jamie and Blake explore what it actually takes to move from self-awareness to meaningful change. Recognizing our hidden fears, shame, unmet needs, and protective behaviors is important. But awareness is only the beginning. Real change requires intentional action, vulnerability, and safe relationships. In this episode, we explore: - Why understanding your patterns doesn't automatically change them - How our protective behaviors can keep us disconnected - Why vulnerability feels dangerous, even with...

What if being a great dad has less to do with getting everything right—and more to do with being willing to show up imperfectly? In this episode of the Three Percent Podcast, we sit down with Strider Patton, the artist and father behind Dad Braids, a community that began with a simple desire to connect more deeply with his daughter by learning to do her hair. But this conversation goes far beyond braiding. We explore what it really means to be present as a father, why play can be difficult for adults, how our own childhood experiences shape th...

What happened to you is in the past. But what did it leave behind? In Part 2 of The Field Guide series, Jamie and Blake explore “the 3% that’s in you now”—the ways past wounds and experiences continue to shape how you show up today. They look at four places where that 3% can live: your body, your beliefs, your relationships, and your behavior. Why can it be easier to explain what you think than notice what you’re actually feeling? Why do old protective strategies keep showing up in relationships that are different from the ones where those strategies were forme...

Family estrangement between parents and adult children is rarely simple. When a family relationship has caused real hurt, is cutting contact the healthiest choice—or can reconciliation still be possible? In this episode of Three Percent, Jamie and Blake sit down with therapist Matthias Barker for a nuanced conversation about family estrangement, strained parent-child relationships, forgiveness, boundaries, reconciliation, and relationship repair. Matthias explores what can happen when therapy, social media, family culture, and our own need for healing give us different ideas about what a healthy relationship should look like. They discuss when distance may be necessary, why an ap...

What if the way you relate to God has less to do with your theology — and everything to do with your attachment strategy?

Dr. Geoff Holsclaw is back, and this time the conversation goes somewhere none of them planned. In part one, Geoff laid out the attachment landscapes — the desert, the jungle, the war zone, and the pasture — and gave listeners a way to see themselves in their relational patterns. This episode takes that framework somewhere more personal: straight into the room where faith lives. How does your attachment strategy shape your picture of God? And what does i...

What if the most dangerous thing we can do around suicide isn't talking about it — but refusing to?

September is Suicide Awareness Month, and Jamie and Blake are kicking it off with someone they describe as the most accessible voice on this topic they've ever encountered: Jen Butler — real talk writer, comedian, and author of Volume Control — who has spent years refusing to let shame keep this conversation small. Both Blake and Jamie share openly from their own stories in this episode. Blake attempted suicide at 17. Jamie has experienced passive suicidality. Jen has had multiple attempts, multiple psych...

What happens when the anger showing up in your classroom has nothing to do with your students — and everything to do with a kid who never felt heard?

This week Jamie and Blake welcome Chris Winikka for a Top Plate episode — a live coaching call where a real member of the Three Percent community brings his actual 3% to the table. Chris who is in his 26th year of teaching high school computer science found the podcast while processing his own story, and somewhere along the way started noticing something he couldn't ignore: after decades of keeping his cool...

What can Spider-Man teach us about masculinity, mental health, vulnerability, and authentic connection?

In this special episode of the Three Percent Podcast, Jamie and Blake take a different approach: they react to the newest Spider-Man movie and unpack the deeper psychological and relational themes hiding underneath the superhero story.

Through Peter Parker's loneliness, rage, isolation, self-acceptance, and relationships, they explore what happens when we don't have safe places to process our emotions—and what can happen when we finally allow ourselves to be known.

They talk about the difference between fixing our emotions an...

What if your Enneagram type isn't the definition of who you are, but simply a strategy you learned to survive?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with therapist and Enneagram practitioner Katie Gustafson to explore the Enneagram as more than a personality test. Katie describes it as a “map of attention”—a way of understanding what we instinctively focus on, what we're trying to protect ourselves from, and what we may be missing as a result.

This is ultimately a conversation about authenticity, grace, healing, and becoming more fully human.

...

What does healing actually look like — not in theory, but right now, in the middle of your real life?

In part one, Jamie and Blake laid the foundation: the hidden rules they carried into healing, why they thought it meant fixing themselves, and how those expectations got in the way. Now they're back to answer the harder question — what does cultivating the garden actually look like for them today? Nearly a decade into their respective journeys through therapy, 12-step recovery, and story work, they're both currently going through it, and they're not pretending otherwise.

If you...

What if the most healing thing you can do in a season of pain isn't to fix it, process it, or even talk about it — but to make something?

Jamie and Blake are joined by two of their favorite people — artist Scott Erickson and musician, poet, and coach Justin McRoberts — for a conversation that goes places none of them planned. These four have been in each other's orbit for a while now, and it shows. What starts as a question about art and the low seasons of life quickly becomes one of the most honest, unexpected, and quietl...

What if the thing running your life isn't a choice — it's just the way your brain learned to stay safe?

Jamie and Blake are back with something a little different. Fresh off their annual retreat in Smithville, Tennessee, they're pulling back the curtain on a book they're writing — a field guide to the 3% — and using this episode to work through the big questions that anchor part one: the 3% that happened to you. No guest, no filter, just two friends and therapists getting into the neuroscience, the theology, and the deeply personal reality of why the past doesn't just s...

What if the reason your conversations keep going sideways has nothing to do with what you're saying — and everything to do with what you're actually feeling underneath it?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake welcome their friend Morgan Burch — relationship coach and creator of the SEEN Method — for a conversation recorded in person that feels less like an interview and more like a masterclass you didn't know you needed. Morgan breaks down the four-letter framework she developed out of her own marriage to help people move from barbed-wire communication to actual vulnerability. And what's wild is how simple...

What if healing doesn't look anything like you expected?

For many of us, healing starts with an unspoken goal: get rid of the anxiety, stop feeling angry, break the habit, or finally become the version of ourselves we think everyone else wants. But what if those expectations are actually keeping us stuck?

In this honest and unscripted conversation, Blake and Jamie explore the hidden "rules" they've carried about healing. They reflect on how they once believed healing meant becoming free from anger, discomfort, or unwanted behaviors, only to discover that true healing is far more...

What happens when two podcasts built around helping men flourish sit down together?

In this special crossover episode, Jamie and Blake join Hunter Leavine, founder of The Captains Collective, for a conversation about masculinity, emotional health, vulnerability, and the healing power of community. Hunter shares his personal story of rebuilding after failure, the lessons he's learned from life on the water, and why nature often becomes the classroom where men finally begin telling the truth.

Together they explore how outdoor adventure, emotional honesty, and meaningful brotherhood aren't competing paths—but complementary ones. Whether you're more co...

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and in this special episode, Blake and Jamie tackle a sobering reality: men are struggling, and many are doing it alone.

From higher suicide rates and lower treatment utilization to fewer close friendships and cultural expectations around self-sufficiency, the statistics tell an alarming story. But this conversation goes deeper than the data. Blake and Jamie explore why so many men resist asking for help, why vulnerability often feels like failure, and how shame keeps men isolated from the very relationships that could help them heal.

Along the wa...

Why do some people struggle to trust God, while others keep Him at a distance? Why do our relationships with people often mirror our relationship with God?

This week, Blake and Jamie sit down with author, pastor, and professor Geoff Holsclaw to explore the powerful connection between attachment theory and spiritual formation. Drawing from his book Landscapes of the Soul, Geoff explains how our early relational experiences shape the ways we pursue intimacy, handle anxiety, and experience God's presence.

Together, they discuss the four attachment "landscapes"—the Desert, Jungle, War Zone, and Pasture—and how God...

What if joy isn't waiting on the other side of your pain — but is actually woven through the middle of it?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with KJ Ramsey — trauma-informed licensed professional counselor, author, and self-described "increasingly feral mystic utterly devoted to the joy of being alive." KJ's newest book, The Place Between Our Pains: A Memoir of What Joy Can Survive, grew out of a personal dare: to discover that joy is more trustworthy than trauma. What followed was a cross-country adventure to revisit the national parks of her childhood, a near-death health cris...

What if the reason you can't lose weight, recover from workouts, or stay consistent with your health has nothing to do with discipline — and everything to do with what's unresolved in your story?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with their friend Conner Custodio — a holistic athletic coach who integrates faith, neuroscience, psychology, nutrition, and performance to help athletes regulate their nervous systems and get to the root of what's holding them back. Conner opens up about his own story: growing up in Bermuda in a chaotic household, being homeless at 15, attending six high schools in f...

Can AI help you understand yourself better? Absolutely. But can it replace real human connection?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake continue the AI & Mental Health series by exploring both the benefits and limitations of using AI for emotional support. They acknowledge the real value AI can offer—helping people name emotions, identify patterns, and even feel safe enough to begin opening up. But they also draw an important line: self-awareness alone isn’t healing.

Together, they unpack why anxiety, loneliness, and emotional pain are ultimately relational issues, not just intellectual problems to solve. AI may...

Why do the people we love most have the ability to trigger us the fastest?

In this conversation, Dr. Kelly Flanagan joins Jamie and Blake to explore what really happens when we move from connection into protection. Drawing from his new book, The Road Less Triggered, Kelly explains how our nervous systems react to perceived threats, why our hearts close in moments of conflict, and how we can learn to stay present instead of becoming defensive.

Together, they unpack why anger is often a doorway into deeper emotions, how sadness gets blocked for many men...

What actually makes someone feel safe?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake slow down to explore one of the questions they’ve been asked most recently: what does “safety” actually mean—and how does it connect to the core idea behind Three Percent?

Through personal stories, recovery experiences, parenting examples, and reflections on friendship, they unpack why vulnerability feels so difficult for most people. Not because something is wrong with us, but because many of us learned early on that honesty, emotion, or neediness didn’t feel safe. The result? We stay hidden, disconnected, and stuck carr...

What actually makes a man feel safe to others?

In this conversation, Amy Alexander—therapist, co-founder of The Refuge Center, and someone who has spent decades working with survivors of trauma and abuse—offers a perspective most men rarely hear. Not from theory, but from real stories of women navigating fear, harm, and healing.

Together, they explore the dynamics of power and control that often go unnoticed, and how even subtle patterns—people-pleasing, image management, avoidance, or lack of self-awareness—can erode safety in relationships over time.

Why does anger feel like the only emotion you can access?

In part two of the AI & Mental Health series, the guys take on one of the most common questions men are asking right now: “Why am I always angry?” It’s a question that often carries shame—but what if anger isn’t the problem?

Drawing from their work as therapists (and their own stories), they explore how anger often becomes the default emotion—not because it’s the only thing you feel, but because it’s the safest one to express. Underneath it is usually somet...

Why does friendship feel easier when you’re young—and harder when you need it most?

In this crossover episode with Dadville, the guys from Three Percent sit down with Dave Barnes and Jon McLaughlin for an honest conversation about friendship, fatherhood, and the quiet loneliness many men carry. From the outside, it can look like life is full—marriage, kids, work—but underneath, something is missing.

Together, they explore why relationships often drift in adulthood, how marriage and parenting subtly reshape your friendships, and why most men aren’t lacking relationships—they’re lacking depth.

...

What if the way you respond to your kids has less to do with them—and more to do with what’s unresolved in you?

In this conversation, Eli Harwood (aka “Attachment Nerd”) helps us see how our childhood experiences quietly shape the way we parent, relate, and react. From parentification and emotional neglect to people-pleasing and control, she unpacks how the patterns we learned early on don’t just disappear—they show up in our homes today.

But this isn’t about becoming a perfect parent. It’s about becoming an aware one. Eli shares a hopeful...

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Why do certain patterns in your life keep repeating—no matter how much you try to move forward?

In this conversation, Dan Allender and Rachel Clinton Chen invite us into the deeper work of understanding our stories. Not as something to “get over,” but as something that continues to shape how we relate to ourselves, God, and others. Through powerful personal examples and honest reflection, they explo...

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What happens when the version of Jesus you believe in always agrees with you?

In this conversation, Jon Guerra shares the quiet but unsettling realization that his faith had become too comfortable—too aligned with his own preferences, frustrations, and perspectives. What followed wasn’t a crisis, but a slow return. A reintroduction to the real Jesus through the Gospels. One who comforts, but also confronts. One who invites, but also ch...

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What happens when artificial intelligence meets emotional health?

In this episode, Jamie and Blake begin a new recurring series exploring the intersection of AI and mental health. Rather than offering quick answers or bold predictions, this conversation slows things down and asks better questions.

They reflect on how AI is already shaping the way people process emotions, seek support, and understand themselves. From...

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In this episode, Blake and Jamie sit down with poet, speaker, and author Tanner Olson for a conversation about suffering, hope, creativity, and the honest work of getting through difficult seasons.

Tanner shares the heart behind his new book Getting Through What You’re Going Through, a collection of poems, essays, and reflections meant to be a hopeful companion for people navigating life’s hardest moments. Rather than off...

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Season 2 of Three Percent is officially underway.

In this episode, Blake Roberts and Jamie Haigh pull back the curtain on what’s ahead for the podcast this year. After releasing nearly 40 episodes in their first season, they’re returning with a clearer structure, deeper conversations, and a brand-new way for listeners to engage beyond just listening.

They share the vision for Season 2, including a new rhythm o...

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Season 2 opens with a courageous and deeply important conversation with therapist and author Jay Stringer about unwanted sexual behavior, shame, trauma, and the pathway toward lasting healing.

Blake and Jamie sit down with Jay to unpack the often-hidden connection between sexual struggles and unresolved stories of pain, loneliness, and attachment wounds. Rather than reducing these behaviors to mere self-control issues, Jay reframes them as signposts, clues pointing toward deeper unmet needs and past experiences that shaped how we cope, se...

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We’re back.

In this short (but not that short) teaser episode, Blake and Jamie welcome listeners into Season 2 of Three Percent, reflecting on the break, naming the realities of life with young kids, and sharing what’s been happening behind the scenes while the podcast feed was quiet.

They talk about why they paused, what they’ve been building during the break, and...

In this end-of-year episode, Blake and Jamie look back on ten months of building the Three Percent community—30,000+ streams, 75 countries, countless vulnerable conversations, and a growing team that has made this project possible.

This episode is equal parts celebration, reflection, honest storytelling, and heartfelt gratitude. Blake and Jamie peel back the curtain on what it’s actually been like behind the scenes: the long mornings, the late nights, raising little kids, navigating personal hardships, and still choosing to show up every week because this work matters.

They share the origins of Three Percent, the goals they...

This week, Blake and Jamie invite listeners into a real-time Top Plate coaching call with 3% community member Dustin Duvall. In this session, Dustin brings his honest history about stress, being a good husband, overwhelm, and the pressure to carry everything at once.

Together they unpack what a Top Plate actually is—the one thing in your life that requires the most attention—and how naming it can radically shift the way you show up for your family, your work, and yourself.

This is a practical and deeply human episode about burnout, boundaries, internal narratives, and the...

This week, Blake and Jamie sit down with bestselling author and therapist Aundi Kolber for a powerful conversation about trauma, compassion, the inner critic, and learning to “try softer.”

Aundi shares openly about growing up in an abusive home, how her fierce inner critic helped her survive, and why healing doesn’t come through trying harder—but through a compassionate, regulated relationship with ourselves and others. They unpack attachment, window of tolerance, neurobiology, and why men especially struggle to let go of performance and self-hatred.

This is an episode about shifting from survival mode to connecti...

This week, Blake and Jamie sit down with Ben Zobrist, former MLB player and two-time World Series champion, for a vulnerable and deeply human conversation about identity, faith, and what happens when the cheering stops.

Ben shares openly about the transition out of professional baseball, the loss of structure and purpose that followed, and how faith became a place of wrestling rather than performance. Together, they explore the tension between success and surrender, what it means to be truly known, and the slow, humble work of healing when your identity is stripped away.

This isn’t...

This week, Blake and Jamie sit down with Justin Whitmel Earley—author, lawyer, and father of four—to talk about habits that shape the heart of a family. Justin shares his story of going from missionary life to corporate law, from breakdown to deep formation, and how he discovered that small, ordinary rhythms can become spiritual lifelines.

They unpack what it looks like to build a household of peace in a world that runs on hurry, noise, and distraction—and why habits of love, presence, and prayer matter more than ever. This conversation blends theology and practicality, inviti...