Not That Damn Show

There's something comforting about knowing Stroke has a plan for every emergency. Unfortunately, his current plan involves shit and Clorox.

We kicked off with anal bleaching and why putting vodka up your ass is a terrible idea. Then Stroke showed off his loose dental bridge and explained that if he swallowed it, he'd dig it out after it passed, bleach it, and put it right back in his mouth. The rest of us suggested literally any other option.

Jenn also received an anonymous Amazon package containing a framed frog with a...

Stroke and Ian survived a hurricane, which somehow leads directly to us announcing A Damn Warped Christmas, because apparently surviving natural disasters deserves an emo Christmas party.

(Tickets On Sale HERE Friday)

Then the entire show (minus Jenn because she would never agree to this) unites behind one important social cause: a grown man should absolutely be allowed to keep the foul ball he caught… Also who cares about that kid anyway he was like 3 🙄

Shane Gillis sends us into a completely necessary investigation of the difference between a whore and a hoe, Confe...

Aftershock is over, Jenn and Mike’s lungs are apparently full of Faygo and fecal dust, and somehow the bigger problem is people worrying about seeing an ass cheek at a rock festival.

Then Ian refuses to move his bar seat for four old ladies, which turns into a completely reasonable discussion about why everyone over 70 should apparently just stay home.

Mikey admits he told a local band with five followers that they suck, Jenn gets appointed official prostitute booker, and Florida delivers a FedEx driver replacing stolen packages with popcorn.

We turned a perfectly normal Christian debt relief commercial into “Jerking It for Jesus,” so that should give you a pretty accurate idea of how today’s show went.

Stroke gets a new job, Jenn joins the Cockgobblers’ Book Club, Mikey’s just surprised we even did a show, and one listener absolutely murders Ian in the comments without Ian even being there to defend himself.

Then Jenn brings us a Converse ad people thought looked like the KKK, a cheating car influencer whose affair ended in a flaming McLaren, 2,000 pounds of meth st...

Jenn’s ass loses a fight with a pair of pants, while Stroke’s ass brings home $220.

Ian wants to know why adults are still advertising “it’s complicated” on Facebook, which is a brave conversation to have immediately before Mikey explains why his wife went to eye surgery without him. The crew promptly blames the listeners for needing a podcast so badly.

Then they judge two actual criminal cases in Digital Dick of the Week, because apparently these four are qualified to assess other people’s decisions.

Unpopular...

We started this week by explaining why getting four adults with jobs, kids, side hustles, health stuff and actual lives together twice a week is harder than it sounds.

Somehow that turned into us becoming televangelists, offering miracle water, talking OnlyFans economics, and learning that one of the Dammits is allegedly a prostitute.

Then came confessions.

A guy claims he tells women a shark took one of his testicles. Somebody tasted their own semen more than once. Another listener says they physically cannot poop while listening to us, which...

If you think hating pickles is grounds for removal from a podcast, congratulations, you're already more reasonable than us.

Stroke somehow turns a haunted hotel story into admitting he can't have sex during Forensic Files, Ian declares war on a Panama City Beach cook named Scott over coleslaw and incorrectly sauced wings, and Florida Man shows up in his underwear hurling beef sticks at a Waffle House.

Then Jen brings us Pornhub comments from people named Cooter Destroyer and Semen Demon, which naturally leads into a much less funny conversation with...

There are complaints, and then there’s getting so pissed at a radio host that you handwrite a full-page letter, drive it to the station, and personally deliver the damn thing.

Somehow that isn’t even the weirdest part of this show.

Stroke starts things off by admitting he complained about his apartment maintenance and apparently got a 75-year-old pool guy fired. Ian gets blamed because karaoke customers keep picking old songs.

Then the comments arrive and we’re suddenly debating why women sound like they’re frying c...

The Gang Goes to Piggly Wiggly | Ep 116

Stroke went to Piggly Wiggly for cheap soda and somehow came home with Mountain Yeller, Mr. Pig, and a story about discussing his dick with a stranger in the meat department, so we’re off to a responsible start.

Then a robot vacuum catches a wife cheating, the husband somehow ends up in jail, and everybody realizes the technology in their house could probably destroy their life at any moment.

Confessions bring us a suspicious two-minute fart, Mikey bathwater, Ian ca...

Mikey leaves one bad pizza review and wakes up to an apology from the woman who cooked 90 pizzas, so naturally he spends the next few minutes feeling like shit.

Ian’s kid nearly passes out from heat exhaustion at school when it feels like 115 degrees outside, and that goes exactly as calmly as you’d expect.

Then a verified sugar daddy profile belonging to a radio host we already hate appears, Jessicles delivers “Emergency Jackoff Mode,” and Darth Vader shows up at a San Diego City Council meeting to go after Flock ca...

Some a**hole stole nearly two grand from Mikey’s bank account, which means he’s now willing to drink his wife’s bathwater for $1,000 and apparently sell the leftovers in tiny mason jars.

We also learned that somebody protects their couch with a handmade sex blanket from Mom, a Florida woman can fit 28 bags of fentanyl inside herself, and Stroke may be one bad paycheck away from FeetFinder.

Then Craigslust introduced us to a man searching for a fishing buddy who may occasionally need to fuck his wife, because adult friend...

Stroke got fired from radio, and because this show handles serious personal hardship with maturity, we immediately started planning his new career on the internet.

Apparently his choices are… selling thrift-store clothes while telling dick jokes, hosting story time from a bidet or showing his asshole until the bills are paid. You can prevent at least one of those things by supporting the show. Choose wisely.

We also tracked down our 21 listeners in Fairbanks, Alaska, where every 1,500 people apparently share one Dammit, one Thai restaurant and possibly a communal family shit bu...

Lawyer Rick joins Mikey and Ian, which immediately turns into a debate over $17 cigarettes, selling out, and why radio keeps replacing actual personalities with bland garbage between tampon commercials.

Florida contributes a machete duel over an ex, listeners drag us back through foot Parmesan and Stroke’s first bidet blast, and some guy named Chatty bravely discovers that the joke podcast is, in fact, a joke.

Then everybody compares the first major news story burned into their brain, from Challenger and Oklahoma City to O.J., Princess Diana, and Boston.

...

Stroke christens his new Florida place by testing a bidet live on camera…because apparently unpacking boxes was too normal.

Then a sold-out, 105-degree Boardwalk show turns into a debate over what could make you walk out of an event.

WTF News brings us an Utah bride who tried to torch her Mormon wedding venue with a stolen BIC lighter and a tampon, New Jersey cops dressing like clearance-bin shrubs, and Katy Perry getting rolled around inside a giant inflatable water bottle like a panicked gerbil.

The co...

On todays episode of Not That Damn Show we started with Dammits asking the important questions: who should pay for the condoms, whether Matt’s karaoke date is about to become a terrible decision, and why we call an animal a pet when “pet” is also what you do to it.

Then your comments dragged us back into last week’s horrifying racist and sexist commercials and one of our favorite radio pranks, when a fake cat meow had people pulling over their cars and trucks looking for an animal that wasn’t there.

A...

Let’s say you’re a virgin in your mid-20s and decide the best solution is spending $1,500 at a legal brothel.

Bold strategy.

Now imagine getting home afterward and thinking, “You know what? I need to leave a Yelp review.”

That’s where we begin.

We also found a married couple who went to the same brothel FOR DINNER and were significantly more upset about missing ranch than the fact that they were eating chicken strips surrounded by prostitutes.

Then Flo...

Family is important. Apparently not important enough to ask your brother to donate sperm without turning every future Christmas into a psychological hostage situation.

We also learned that powdered corpses used to count as medicine, a frightened whale can blast three gallons of intestinal “Ink”, and one German man somehow found room for 278 genital piercings.

Then a rabid bat landed on a teenager’s face, Mortimer wiped his ass with a turkey sandwich after shitting on a wall, and Russia held a wedding for two robots because gay people apparently still asked...

Stroke went to the Mayo Clinic, surrendered 32 vials of blood, and learned he has a tropical parasite that may have been living inside him for years. Most people would process that information privately. We immediately asked him to inspect his poop and send pictures if anything worm-shaped appears.

That somehow wasn’t the strangest part of the show.

Ian explains why calling yourself a “regular” does not magically earn you better service, a better table, or the right to jump an hour-long karaoke line when you tip like somebody’s disappointed uncle. Fair point, honestly.

Aft...

This is not a normal episode. After a heartbreaking loss in the NTDS community, we’re going live to talk, listen, and try to make sense of something awful together.

If you’re struggling or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 in the U.S.

We brought in the spouses for this episode and within five minutes we were trying to launch a diabetic pee whiskey brand called “The Sweetness”

From there, things somehow got worse.

We talked about the Folsom Rodeo skydiver who almost got turned into a patriotic tent stake, Mikey’s deep hatred of birthday sombreros, and whether a UPS driver throwing a box at a charging dog is self-defense or proof that humanity peaked with caller ID.

The confessions went from stolen doorknobs to a fake-burned-down Disneyland to butt douching, because the internet has given...

The whole gang is back, which means the episode immediately goes off the rails and never even pretends to recover.

It starts with Patreon math, starving African podcasters, Fourth of July jello shots, and the uncomfortable realization that OnlyFans has better analytics than most businesses.

Then Random Facts shows up and ruins everybody’s day with pearlfish living in sea cucumber butts, tapeworms growing 30 feet, itchy organs, sled dog mascara, and Aztec priests wearing human skin until it rotted off. Cute little family show.

The Dammits also delivered. Snow White got exposed as a...

We took a week off, came back with three hosts, and immediately started doing math on how this show costs about 75 cents an episode, which somehow turned into us being the cheapest whores in podcasting.

Mikey went to San Francisco for his birthday, saw lowrider gangsters blasting Miley Cyrus like the founding fathers intended, and somehow came home angry about some lying table-stealing breakfast goblin at Hot Off The Griddle in Rocklin CA.

Then Random Thoughts went completely off the rails with beavers, claptor, golden retrievers as middle management, Hitler as a gay panda, and...

Ian ditched us for work, so Arnie States showed up, which immediately made the show feel like somebody handed the mic to a man banned from several Costcos.

Stroke explained his Florida oyster pearl hustle like he’s running a seaside jewelry cartel, which somehow turned into “a pearl necklace from Stroke,” because this show has the maturity of a middle school locker room with Wi-Fi.

Jess the song girl sent in a song about Mikey getting tea bagged …apparently this fanbase has lost all shame.

Jenn showed up and explained why she was late...

Stroke was out this episode, so we did the responsible thing and replaced him with Rick, our actual lawyer. Smart move, honestly, because this episode probably needs legal supervision.

We started with a titties hat, then a dick hat, somehow invented “digital AIDS,” revisited the workplace phrase nobody should ever say out loud, and then took a hard turn into couples splitting bills 50/50. Joint accounts, separate accounts, who pays for dinner, who cleans the kitchen, who steals the money when everything goes sideways.

Romance is beautiful, folks.

Then Jenn gave us the news: Chin...

Everybody’s barely here, everybody’s allegedly mad at everybody, Stroke is late, Ian has to leave, and somehow that still counts as a functioning podcast… because standards are dead.

We’ve FINALLY got the June shirt of the month (Everything is Fake and Gay)

Mikey is throwing a party at the Boardwalk Fourth of July weekend, Jenn starts wondering if she’s in menopause.

an trying to start his new apartment life by getting rejected in a model unit like a horny real estate goblin.

Listener comments somehow drag us through Ja...

This episode started with a simple relationship question and somehow ended with cousin confessions and discussions about butthole licking.

The big debate: if someone ghosts you after three months, are they responsible when you completely lose your mind afterward?

The jury was divided.

We also discovered that Florida's most misspelled word is apparently "school," held a spelling bee for grown adults, argued about Michael Jordan vs Wayne Gretzky, and learned that some people are allergic to their own orgasms.

Then Ian delivered what may be one of the greatest stories in...

This episode started with Jenn disappearing before showtime and somehow got worse from there.

Stroke introduced a song called Don't Put Bananas In My Butt, which immediately destroyed whatever credibility we had left. Then we stumbled onto a Florida music festival charging $34 for a turkey leg and spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out whether that counts as theft.

We also uncovered America's forgotten government cheese mountain, discussed New Jersey's weird gas-pumping laws, debated speed cameras, and learned there's apparently a luxury anti-aging cream designed specifically for your penis.

No, that's...

Where’s Stroke? We don’t know so naturally we got into an unnecessarily long discussion about AI gender swaps, lesbian filters, whale sperm perfume, and whether a grown man deserves five million dollars because a cruise ship deck was hot in Florida.

We listen to voicemails, read your comments and check Craigslist where we find twinks and pregnant pillow princesses.

There’s also a guy using AI to fake Uber damage photos, another guy smearing s*it all over someone’s house, and a woman beating a cheating man with an entire tree branch while we...

After taking a week off, the gang comes back like four exhausted mall cops trying to process a world where people are emotionally cheating with AI girlfriends.

In this episode of Not That Damn Show a lawyer got caught doing deeply illegal things with the family dog, and somebody in Florida almost burned down an apartment over missing apple slices.

Ian launches into a full boomer meltdown over paper McFlurry cups and disappearing ketchup dispensers while Mikey casually explains there are apparently alien races living underground.

Jenn warns us about Ebola patients running...

We’re off this week, so we dug through the NTDS vault and pulled out one of the most catastrophically stupid games we’ve ever played.

Jen brought in inmate dating profiles and forced us to blindly pick our ideal prison soulmate without seeing pictures first. Which somehow turned into four grown adults profiling criminals based on hobbies, grammar, HVAC certifications, and whether somebody watches SpongeBob.

At one point Ian confidently explains why “Nikita” can’t possibly be a real woman’s name. Meanwhile Stroke spends the entire game desperately trying not to accidentally pick another tran...

Since we’re off this week, we figured it was the perfect time to revisit one of the dumbest things this show has ever done: reading viral BookTok smut novels out loud like emotionally damaged audiobook actors.

What started as “this should be funny” immediately turned into phrases like “wet slabs,” “intimate muscles,” and multiple conversations nobody wanted to have about fingers in asses.

Also, somebody needs to explain why these books all have cute Disney Channel covers while hiding absolute psychological warfare inside.

If you missed this disaster the first time, congratulations. Your suffering...

This episode of Not That Damn Show somehow starts with dead bodies getting goosebumps and ends with a grown man explaining why he refuses to eat “BBL ass” like he’s delivering a TED Talk from a gas station parking lot.

The gang falls down rabbit holes involving church fights, giraffes tasting piss, Pornhub page 448, HOA snitches losing their minds over Govee lights, and a law student secretly filming people in a bathroom because apparently society is hanging together with duct tape and and toothpicks from Dollar Tree.

Then things completely collapse during Digital Dump with a...

This week starts with Mikey accidentally turning NOT TDS into Pornhub Lite after trying to monetize the website and immediately getting greeted by a giant vagina and a “girl 3 miles away wants to fuck” popup.

Stroke’s getting his master’s degree while simultaneously questioning whether touring Thomas Jefferson’s slave mansion makes him racist by association.

Jenn gets “higher than giraffe pussy” off a Mother’s Day gummy while watching Sally Field movies, and Ian nearly declares war on a couple camping in his restaurant booth for four hours over a few PBRs and six-dollar tip m...

Look, if you came here for a healthy, emotionally mature show, you absolutely clicked the wrong thing. We start with breaking “news” about Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note like Mikey is CNN, then immediately derail into roasting Ian’s $20 couch mic until he straight-up disappears from the show like a pissed-off lesbian Bigfoot.

From there it somehow turns into dragonflies jetting water out of their asses, and a very real discussion on how your partner’s nut allergy can actually kill them via, uh… extracurricular activities.

We get voicemails about poop semantics, hair-based crime strategies, and confessi...

The show finally has ads, which means some poor brand may now be sponsoring a conversation about balloon fetishes, dolphin crimes, and whether being “shark-fucking rich” is the financial danger zone.

Mikey’s trying to sell everyone on the uncensored Patreon while also trying to get Stroke a new liver and maybe a sponsorship from those “we totally prevent hangovers, we swear” pregame shots.

Jenn gets everybody caught up on Spirit Airlines collapsing, a cartoonishly large cocaine bust, and a cruise ship virus that sounds like it came from rodent piss hell.

Then “Rick In The...

Stroke has a liver appointment coming up, so naturally the show turns into a practice psychological evaluation led by people who should not be allowed near medical paperwork.

Somehow that becomes a ride through deer murders, polar bear liver poison, gerbil erection math, Bob Ross hair fraud, and whether $100 million is worth being hunted forever by a death snail.

Then the Dammits bring problems involving blackout best friends trying to kiss boyfriends and landlords knocking at 9 p.m. like every true crime podcast warning sign learned to text.

By the end, there’s Co...

Jenn shows up half-poisoned by Popeyes and somehow that just turns into a full forensic breakdown of every fried chicken chain from KFC to shady gas station Dodges where dudes threaten to “shoot your ass” on the phone next to the heat lamp drumsticks.

Stroke gives a real update on his liver situation, which somehow turns into merch ideas, Stroke Aid, fake proposals for free dessert, and whether he should wear his graduation gown for six months. 

There’s also a cocaine-covered karaoke woman, a clothespin fetish mystery, kids running into traffic, nukes, dogs dying, and a s...

Ian’s gone, Jen’s digging chicken out of her teeth, and somehow that is still not the weirdest thing that happens here.

Stroke opens up about serious liver issues, Mayo Clinic testing, and the kind of stress that makes everybody shut up for five whole seconds. Naturally the show copes with that information by writing a song about him getting a black man’s liver and becoming better at basketball.

From there it gets right back to being deeply stupid in the most professional way possible, with dating app confessions, a possible Sacramento little person...

This week the show gets told it’s popular enough to monetize but apparently too dangerous to trust with ad money, which honestly feels pretty on-brand.

From there it somehow turns into random listeners asking the cast for cash like everybody’s secretly sitting on drug money.

Then the comments roll in, Stroke finally addresses the panic about his future on the show, and Jen brings in news that includes train wrecks, Lego theft with pasta decoys, and a protest movement called Operation Dildo Blitz because civilization has clearly stopped trying.

By the end...

We start off with the show shamelessly celebrating its top 3% status, which of course immediately turns into mocking radio hype, trying to decode whatever dumb TikTok slang “you the birthday” is, and somehow sliding straight into childhood trauma and stepdad roll call.

Then Florida shows up like it always does, with a doctor yanking the wrong organ out of a guy, a drunk idiot throwing beer bottles at a three-year-old, and a minivan pervert calmly explaining he jerks off in traffic because he “gets horny sometimes.”

Right when that already feels broken enough, the show gets liv...