Elis James and John Robins

In significant happenings John reveals the longest relationship of his life and what has caused it to break down. Namely, a Boggle addiction. We also discover the silent reality of what it’s like to be his neighbour.

Elsewhere, Dave has gone to a cuddly toy exhibition in Harrogate but we plough on in his absence. However the occasion where Dave can’t cut the tension when Elis tries to prove John wrong is noticeable.

Plus, we receive UK highways enthusiasm from the US of A. “Just tell me more about the roads.”

It’s a very prison-based episode today, as John reveals he might be going there for petty crime, and Elis draws parallels between Albert Camus’s prison-residing outsider Meursault and Johnny JR. Was Camus foreshadowing the life of our favourite Bristol-born broadcaster?

But don’t worry, it’s not all highbrow existentialism. John discovers another self-penned story on his hard drive that involves farts (but crucially, is not ABOUT farts).

Also expect answers to the questions: Can you Cymru Connect over a horse? Can you take your odd socks to a raffle? And is the s...

Robins has had a disaster. The sort of disaster that should only besiege Elis James. But what could it be? Tardiness? Something indicative of cognitive decline? Or maybe far worse?

We also receive some very weak vindication for Elis after the mockery he received for his book openings, and we ask, would a 20 year old with a heavy goods vehicle licence be permitted to drive The Sportage?

Got a £7 bag of crisps, a ham hock and an artisan cruffin to send in? Well jam them into an attachment to hello@elisandjohn.com

Well, well, well, well, well. Elis has officially completed the best gig of his life, and that’s even without his routine about Black Bart the pirate. A mere five and a half hours away by train, we have discovered his emotional hinterland: the Eisteddfod in Pembrokeshire.

But away from the crowds, the choirs and the clog dancers, away from the druids and the dairy farmers, can our Welsh Hero handle the pressure back in the studio and Cymru Connect away from the motherland?

Plus, is Dave the captain of a sinking ship? Jo...

The literary world has been set alight after a new best selling author was unveiled 30 years too late the other day. Is John Robins about to redefine the grounded motoring sci-fi genre for the 21st century? The first step is getting pointers from someone who’d consider 'thousands' of book sales to be small fry. 

Elsewhere, Elis is being consistently told how hot and sexy he is by the British population. Well Welsh Elis that is. John also gets corrected on the purpose of high speed rail, Adrian tells us about his superb clutch control and a M...

Elis may have been struggling with delayed trains, but fear not - it turns out our Producer Dave has a hotline to the Big Dog himself: Bandy Urnham. Nothing a quick phone call can’t fix…

Plus, if you thought John's now-legendary Bag of Death was but a distant memory, think again, as the boys uncover the beginnings of a creative endeavour that our Thornbury wordsmith began at the age of just 13. And lo, we enter the era of the Password Protected Bag of Digital Death.

But enough of passwords, protection and privacy. Elis...

John has shaken up the show at a big meeting in Elis’s absence. He should be prepared. In the meantime, comedy fans have been getting the true Elis James stand up experience: Having your joggers called s*** and then introducing Chris McCausland. Get ready Albert Hall. Maybe the mojo does need to return. 

Plus, the words reaping and sowing once again come to mind, as Buckinghamshire’s most hubristic man sees the warning light chickens come home to roost. 

Also, John has a frequent male escort and a new friend. They are not the sa...

Welcome to the silliest podcast around. It’s headphones filled with custard, it’s microphones made of cake, it’s stink bombs in the studio. And all because we have one of the nation’s silliest sausages in our midst: The Prince of Pranks, the goofiest goofball, Mr Elis James.

After all the hijinks and japes it’s down to serious chat: Elis and John map out the future of AI, which worryingly ends with us being breastfed by computers…

All this, plus Elis meets his Moriarty in the Cymru Connection, in an attempt to c...

If you like your podcasts jam-packed with top quality content, then boy do we have a show for you.

First up: what’s it like to be in a creative powerhouse couple? A quite stressed Elis lifts the lid. And he explains why he needs Daniel Kitson to pull his finger out.

Next John talks about being a lion of the plains, and walking into a saloon wearing all black. Admittedly it is quite confusing, but stick with it, as it leads to a big revelation and allows Elis to gleefully don his We...

Sad news everyone, Elis is retiring. We thought Johnny JR would go first, but Elis has beaten him to it. He’s peaked. He’s reached his zenith and there ain’t nowhere to go from there. 

But worry not, because he’s referring to his DJing career and not his podcasting one…

Then it’s onto kids' parties and the big question: is John’s conduct in the Bureau de Change of the Mind the best training ground for dealing with 20 hungry kids? 

All this plus some top tier shame, a crackin...

John, Dave and Calvin Harris are with you today to discuss all things DJ’ing. Incidentally, Calvin Harris can only DJ when there’s another wifi connection. If there isn’t then he rings his indie disco mate and the air turns blue. 

As well as hearing about all the hottest dance gigs, Dave drops an absolute bombshell within seconds of starting the record. Something he’s held back for years amidst the oceans of dross that this show has covered. 

Also, John deigns to tell Elis’s hero about his lovemaking backdrop, and ring the...

It’s not often you get to experience a world first. But here you go, you’re about to hear the first ever documented Sheffield-first, podcast-second, terrestrial-radio-third broadcast. Is this a defining moment for podcasting? For entertainment? For global culture as a whole? Only time will tell.

Elis, John and Dave recently graced the stage at Sheffield’s Crossed Wires festival, and here for your listening pleasure are some choice cuts. There’s all your podcast favourites; your Mad Dads, your Shame Wells, your Common Zense.

Plus, Elis does his damnedest to connect with a W...

Our trio are on the old remote tricast today and John is, again, incredibly keen to emphasise just how well he is getting on during Operation Heatwave. 

But it’s also hot hot hot broadcasting as we hear of tupperware audits and controversy in the Dads Race. Does Elis remain unbeaten? 

Also, sound the Heartwarming Radio Bell as one of the team shares a delightful addition to his week. 

Fancy dropping us a line? Well it’s hello@elisandjohn.com if you do!

And check out the latest...

It’s been a big old week for Johnny JR, but has he won again? Well it’s one in the win column for his much anticipated return to the small screen. But it would be helpful if he could remember the name of his own TV show…

And then there’s the small matter of updating the firmware on the CarPlay in the Sportage. Will John win against 2017 technology? Or will Theresa May-era software prove his downfall?

Elsewhere Elis attempts to remount the Cymru Connection horse, and there’s the return of Made Up Ga...

It’s an evening pre-record this week, and it would be a little bit more jazz, a little bit more Soho and a little bit more laid back…if Dave’s train hadn’t been held up by cows, and John’s stomach wasn’t in confusion mode.

And yet there’s no denying that we are totally committed to ‘keeping Britain moo-ving’ as we share treatments for tricky skin, reflect on Elis’s bed time pork pies and give yeast the big rebrand it has long-since deserved.

Finally, we feel that sense of calm as John read...

After doing what Status Quo failed to do, breaking America, Elis thinks it fitting to introduce the world of EJJR to those living stateside. So behold some dodgy accents, references to ‘mom’s apple tart’ and Elis, John and Dave’s personal Mount Rushmores.

But having made his name doing what he does best, Cymru Connecting, how will Elis fare with all this added pressure? Will the weight of American expectation weigh him down too much? Will the man be able to live up to the hype?

Then it’s onto a pair of all-tim...

The heat’s great isn’t it. As John points out, it’s no longer twee and fun headlines, instead it’s “Phew You’re All Going To Die Quite Soon”. What japes! Luckily we’ve got the cool cucumber balm of content for those toasty ears. 

And may we say, there’s some top notch correspondence today pertaining to love struck albums, lathes and crucial public health information on getting your bits checked every so often. After all it’s important to be health conscious. 

Plus there’s a fabulously topical Shame Well and a hot gloopy Ma...

After a bout of promiscuous and unprotected thinking, John’s been in a panic sphere. He’s only gone and given himself a mind STD, but could some watermelon body wash be to blame?

All this leads to a full circle moment for Elis. He might be headlining the Royal Albert Hall next year, but is the realisation of his long-touted ‘health podcast’ actually his career zenith?

Listener JB sends in a cracking impressions-based Made Up Game, and we take a harrowing trip down John’s Shame Well.

Do you want to fe...

It has been decreed that this is a football free zone. Well not until John nips out for a vape. Then when he returns, Elis, Dave and the production staff are all attentive and silent.

But in this chill zone we imagine a chill world. One in which John has 5.2m followers overnight and has a wellness brand whilst dating a Hollywood heavyweight. You might think it’s a leap but rather a reality that was only one swipe away.

Also, Elis also asks a very rare thing - a non-archaic question. Could Da...

Who’s that co-hosting this week’s podcast; is it Jean-Paul Sartre? Is it Hannah Arendt? Is it Ronan Keating? Sure, they’ve all opined on the nature of existence, but has our very own philosopher Johnny JR finally hit the nail on the head?

John presents a new thesis for existence, but Elis and Dave aren’t buying it…

After watching a room full of people cheer Paul McCartney’s every word, Elis is inspired to tap into his own musical talents. Plus a cracking zen-based Made Up Game and a return to the Cymru...

Elis is fresh from the jolly japes of being surprised with being made to do a headline set in front of 5,000 people at an iconic venue. He’s just soooo totally cool about it.

“Feel free to leave if it’s bad, but give the guy a chance.” So if you want to miss the rush during the gig then stay til the end. 

John revives an old, and at times deeply criticised, feature. We also hear some more good old fashioned Common Zense, which helps us ask the question, if the Dalai Lama spil...

Today’s show is all about one man: one of Wales’s greatest sons, one of the football terrace’s greatest sons, one of podcasting’s greatest sons. We’re talking about none other than the the cycling extraordinaire, the cagoule aficionado, the Cymru Connector-in-Chief, Mr Elis James. 

And what one thing does Elis hate above all else? Surprises. And what do we have in store for him? A surprise so big that John’s smirk can almost be heard from the opening drum beat. Josh Widdicombe is also on hand to crank up the tension. 

Strap...

The UK’s stagnant economy is about to have a huge injection of growth, because Elis has got a big idea and a big observation. Strap in and let’s make millions.

Whilst becoming billionaires is in the air, you know what are also in the air? Questions. Questions such as would you rather be a long boy or a boxy boy or a baggy boy? Is Christ going to be on Jools Holland? And do you have to ask what John’s mood is before you offer him a nice thing?

We also d...

Today’s podcast is brought to you by a couple of big cheeses, a couple of real movers and shakers in the audio game. Because Elis and John have redefined what it means to give a keynote presentation at a podcast industry event.

Elis will be pushing back on whatever you say, and John won’t be wearing no lanyard for no one; he’s the Lou Reed of the podcast-first-radio-second generation.

But what of Producer Dave? Well he’s been banned from doing any DIY (read: superglueing things to walls) by his wife, so...

A few weeks ago Elis refused to accept the Buddhist idiom ‘the glass is already broken’. In so doing, did he set back mindfulness 10,000 billion years, or did he inadvertently birth a great podcast-first feature? We’re hoping it’s the latter; welcome to Common Zense.

And top-tier podcasting doesn’t stop there, because Elis and John have also gone and created the Golden Texter, the Eagle Topic. Commercial digital indie radio, here we come (again).

Elsewhere, Elis wants to nationalise headphones, John dissects his love of cowboys, and there’s another cracking TV treatment...

It’s a show that asks more questions than it answers. For starters, could Elis and John host Strictly? How are the boys related to classic board game Guess Who? And can you spell catastrophe without top rate cash?

These amuse-bouches are followed up with meatier questions: why was John interviewed at a law firm? Why has Elis been under London’s strongest thumbs? And why is Dave telling a man called Ed that he’s ready to take his trousers off?

Most of these are answered, plus find out what John had errone...

Redemption for Elis James. After unspeakable failure 12 months ago, he rises from the ashes like a phoenix at this year’s charity football match. John also wears running shoes in goal and gets his baps out.

Plus, we hear of some of your late relationship icks, Dave’s been sent to jail with Gok Wan and would John actually like to be the COO of a medium sized business? He’d get reserved parking, but he also already has this at home.

Got a big ick relating to your partner of 35 years? Well get it...

After spending the last few weeks in the shadows of two of this country’s greatest runners, one podcaster has finally stepped out to make a name for himself.

Elis James, the great Cymru Connector himself, has saddled up and attempted to cycle the great nation he calls home. And somehow, despite raising bucketloads of cash for charity in the process, it’s left him in dire financial straits…

But he’s not the only one out of pocket, as Johnny Warbucks gets a dent in his wallet after a wily listener takes him up o...

“Life’s too short to drink bad wine, when people are wine, and drinking is being near them and having them in your life.” Another wise and pithy quote from the mind of John Robins. You’d think that’s included in his wise and pithy autobiography about alcohol. In fact it’s not, because he gives them out for free here. Gratis.

Speaking of all the relevant pith, John’s a bestseller! Isn’t that neat. No. 2 General Hardback. And No. 1 if you include a vast variety of audio platforms which Big Bird Book won’t care to mention...

We’re living in a Johnapalooza. With the release of his Blubography (trademark: Elis James) last week, John’s been touring the country. But do any of his shows bear resemblance to the hallowed 1976 Sex Pistols gig at the Lesser Free Trade Hall? Elis and Dave do their best to draw parallels. 

Away from book and tour shenanigans, Elis threatens to swear enough to make the show unusable in a bid to halt a guessing game, John imagines how he’d brush his hair if he were an 'odd king', and there’s a controversial Made Up Game...

It’s John Robins day. John Robins Contentaggedon. You simply can’t move for Robins. Because John sits at the crest of a content wave. Megatisation, another podcast series, marathon, birthday, millions of interviews and book release have all come as a quick flurry of jabs to the midriff.

But is he all tuckered out? Is it all too much? Clearly not because he’s got another mad mind game on the go that only Robins could formulate. He’s back. He’s back in the big time. He won 9 grand yesterday.

But it’s not a...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It’s a tale of two anecdotes today, and in a way both of them fall into the latter category. Elis has been donning his corporate hat on no sleep and nearly no thumb, while John has been encountering some very public acts of love.

With the dust finally settled on all things marathon, we’re back to regular programming: a Cymru Connection that’s literally staring Elis in the face, and a Made Up Game that leaves everyone giggling like school children.

...

They did it! The marathon has been conquered by the bravest and youngest boys around, Messrs John Robins and Dave Masterman. And due to the circular nature of this show’s recording schedule, just 5 days later we can finally bask in the glory of their amazing achievements! 

So strap in for a marathon debrief like no other, including a squat competition (which is the real quiz) that has disastrous results for one competitor, and an abandoned dusk run in Farringdon as a result of said squat competition. Elis also reveals whether he’ll be entering the ballo...

It’s a funny old episode today due to the circular way this podcast is recorded. In one sense you could say that John and Dave HAVE run the marathon (indeed post-mara John does make a brief appearance), but in another, very real sense you could argue that they HAVEN’T run the marathon.

Did they finish it? Who knows (yes they did). How did it go? We’ll have to find out (John was caught lubing his nether regions). Was a new world record achieved? Maybe (it was, but by whom?). All answers to be reveal...

It’s T-2 until Marathon Day. The trainers are being laced. The talc is being applied. And the Ass Magic is getting to work. This is the pre-game build up. That half an hour where Carragher and Neville talk about a variety of hypotheticals.

Do you find the marathon talk boring? Well it’s what we’re doing, so ‘jog on’. But that does mean we’re getting very close to the final boss of Running To Win and Hating Yourself.

And whisper it quietly, but no matter how he gets on this weekend, the...

Two towering national figures dominate today’s podcast; bloobs and David Attenborough. Bloobs because John has realised he lives in heaven and he backs the Chilterns. Attenborough because John’s been watching his new (filthy) TV show and Elis has been having nightmares about knocking him down the stairs.

Three other culturally significant totems also feature: First there’s the new DG who meets John (in a show intro that Elis labels ‘a real case study into the workings of John’s mind’).

Then there’s Steve Coogan and his historic aggressive vibing with Robins.<...

Huge news. Elis has nearly got into a fight. He nearly lamped a bloke because he confused Llanfairfechan with Penmaenmawr*. Of course he didn’t. Rather he was being a stand up citizen protecting this nation’s highways. 

But heroism doesn’t pay, because it’s also time for the semi-regular spousal Elis James rinse. Isy's been talking about Elis on other platforms, which means great insight for us all. What is he like away from the limelight of one of the UK’s most megatised podcasts? Until what time every morning is he in his boxers? Doe...

Quick hypothetical Q: If you’re running a marathon for the first time (because you’ve realised your bones actually aren’t too heavy to run) and you want to get advice from someone, who do you turn to?

Roger Bannister? Not possible. Forrest Gump? Not possible again. Oh, what about the world class athlete who held the record for the fastest women's marathon for 16 years? What, Paula Radcliffe? Yeah, just a bit mate! Strap in for some gold-plated advice from one of the best to ever do it.

Elsewhere Elis has been Cymru...

Elis has a hot chest and feels spacey, whilst John’s got his thrice a decade hay fever, which is a real problem now he’s in full vis. So that’s a great start to the second ever Megatisation era episode. 

Today’s a day for big questions, including and not limited to… Are their filthcentric studio sharers the antichrist? Has John nearly completed YouTube? Can he also win an Oscar with his sizzling bath content? Would you queue for a curry house before it opens in the mid afternoon? Do you like prawns? And where’s you...

It’s a big/normal day! Everything in Elis and John world just got bigger/stayed exactly the same as before! All praise the Brave New World/status quo!

John’s dressed up in a suit and tie to mark the (non-) occasion, and there’s a 100 points on offer to the listener who can decipher John’s scripted intro.

Beyond everything changing/staying exactly the same, Elis and John try to find the best non-threatening noise to make whilst running to alert non-runners, with some very surprising suggestions. Elis tries to pick himself...