Unblock Your BS

You know getting defensive isn't helping.

You know shutting down makes things worse.

You know your wife wants you to listen instead of immediately explaining yourself.

So... why the hell do you keep doing it?

In this episode, Tara sits down with clinical hypnotherapist and transformational coach Joey Labossiere to talk about the subconscious stories and childhood conditioning that can take over when your nervous system feels threatened.

Before becoming a coach, Joey spent ten years working inside a maximum-security prison in Canada. Years of hypervigilance, drinking, numbing, anxiety...

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes a discussion of suicidal ideation and access to a firearm following the end of Billy's marriage. Please listen with care.

You can build a whole life around being the capable one.

The guy everyone depends on. The one who has it handled.

And still carry something underneath it that never got looked at.

This week, Healthy Men-tality member "Billy" reads the journal entry he shared inside our community, a reflection on his marriage, his childhood, and what 16 weeks in the program has shown him about himself.

Emotionally, I am your roommate. Legally, I am your wife.

That's the answer "Peter" got when he finally asked his wife directly where they stood. They're still living together, still separated, still in a gray area neither of them has fully committed to leaving.

This week Peter joins me for a coaching episode, and it goes deep. He's done real work on himself since the separation started, therapy, shadow work, rediscovering old hobbies, and still finds himself asking a hard question: am I doing this for me, or because I want everyone, including her, to...

You can be successful at work, disciplined with your goals, financially secure... and still have no idea why your relationship keeps falling apart.

Because the pattern causing problems at home might not actually be a "relationship problem."

In this episode, I'm joined by high-performance coach Brad Bizjack to talk about the subconscious beliefs and patterns running underneath how we show up in relationships, work, success and even the goals we say we want.

And because apparently interviewing Brad wasn't vulnerable enough, I volunteered myself for a little live coaching.

We get...

What if being "healed" doesn't mean you never get triggered again?

You can do therapy, nervous system work, breathwork, become incredibly self-aware... and still occasionally get defensive, shut down, raise your voice, say something you regret, or hurt your partner without intending to.

Because you're human.

In this episode, Tara breaks down the skill she thinks every relationship actually needs, and it's not "never get triggered again." 

You'll hear:

Danny loved his wife.

He worked 10–14-hour days to provide for his family. His wife stayed home raising and homeschooling their children. From his perspective, he was doing what a husband and father was supposed to do.

But emotionally, he kept everyone at arm's length.

Danny carried a belief that eventually everyone leaves. So without really realizing what he was doing, he protected himself by never letting his wife completely in.

When she was overwhelmed, he fixed. When conversations got uncomfortable, he checked out. When conflict showed up, he people-pleased.

This week's coaching episode is a behind-the-scenes look at an actual coaching call. 

Our guest came in wanting help moving on from a 12-year relationship, still holding onto the belief that if he could just do things differently, it could still work. What we uncover instead is a pattern of people-pleasing and self-abandonment that goes back much further than this relationship, and what it actually takes to start choosing himself.

In this coaching episode, we unpack:

Your wife wants a divorce.

She's cold. She won't talk. Maybe she refuses counseling. Maybe she's blaming you for everything that went wrong.

And your brain has decided there's one thing you need to do:

Figure her out.

Why is she doing this? What happened to the woman you married? What could you say that would finally make her understand?

In this episode, Tara is joined by divorce coach Rachael Sloan to talk about why men can become hyperfocused on their wife or ex during an unwanted divorce... and...

You can have buddies you golf with, hunt with, work with, grab beers with and still have absolutely nobody in your life who knows what's actually going on with you.

Chuck, Barrett, and Bob discovered the difference.

All three joined Healthy Men-tality in August 2025. A year later, they're still here... because they found something they didn't want to give up: a community of men willing to be open, call each other out, and actually hold one another accountable.

This week they join me to talk about why they stayed, what a year of...

What happens when you have the marriage, the family, the life you worked for... and somehow you still feel nothing?

That's where "Earl" found himself.

After more than 40 years with his wife, their marriage had been hanging by a thread. Earl knew something needed to change, but traditional therapy hadn't gotten him very far. Then he started looking at something he'd never really understood before: his own nervous system.

In this episode, "Earl" joins Tara to talk about his experience inside Healthy Men-tality program and the dots he began connecting between a traumatic...

Most people think nervous system regulation is just another wellness buzzword.

Take a deep breath. Meditate. Calm down.

But what does it actually mean to regulate your nervous system when your body feels like everything is an emergency?

In this week's episode, Tara sits down with Aleksandra Chojnicka, founder and CEO of Detox House, a nervous system resilience coach who helps high achievers build more capacity through breathwork, cold exposure, and practical somatic tools.

Inside the episode:

Why your nervous system mistakes uncertainty for danger

What actually...

One of the hardest parts of separation isn't the loss of the relationship... It's the desperate hope that one day they'll finally understand your side.

That they'll acknowledge what you carried. That they'll admit it wasn't all your fault.

"Rob" applied to come on for coaching while going through a separation. He'd already taken responsibility for his side, but he was stuck needing his wife to acknowledge hers, and couldn't feel okay until she did. Tara helps him see what that need is really about, and what it's costing him.

In this episode:<...

You did the work. You went to therapy, you changed how you show up, you really tried to become a better man. And it still wasn't enough to make her stay.

So now you're stuck asking yourself, why wasn't I enough?

If that question has been living in your head, this one's for you.

"Todd" came into Healthy Men-tality trying to save his marriage. Instead, his wife left and quickly moved another man into her home around their three young kids, and Todd was left wading through some of the ugliest parts of...

The relationship advice you've heard your whole life might actually be keeping you stuck.

"Happy wife, happy life."

"Never go to bed angry."

"Learn to compromise."

Most of us were handed these ideas long before we ever understood relationships. They sound loving. They sound wise. But what if they're quietly creating resentment, self-abandonment, scorekeeping, and emotional distance instead?

In this episode, Tara sits down with relationship and intimacy coach Monica Tanner to unpack some of the biggest myths couples still believe and what actually creates lasting connection.

...

How long are you going to keep punishing yourself for it? You hurt someone, or someone hurt you, and you're still carrying it, still replaying it, still waiting to feel like you've finally paid enough. If that's you, this one's worth your time.

In this week's episode, Tara goes deep on forgiveness, the kind people get completely wrong.

Not letting someone off the hook, not pretending it didn't hurt, but choosing to stop carrying the weight so the suffering finally gets an end date. Whether you're the one who caused the hurt or the one...

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes conversations about suicide, suicidal ideation, depression, pornography addiction, childhood trauma, emotional abuse, and divorce. Please listen at your own pace. If these topics feel overwhelming right now, it's okay to come back to this episode when you're ready.

You can spend years just getting through life, providing, showing up, going through the motions, while inside you don't feel much of anything at all. No real highs, no real lows, just a numbness you've stopped questioning. If that hits a little too close, this one's for you.

One of our Healthy Men...

You almost lost the whole thing. And now, somehow, it's good again. Better than it's ever been, even. So why can't you actually enjoy it? Why does part of you keep waiting for the floor to drop out?

In this week's coaching episode, "Steve" reached out to Tara while he was in the middle of filing for divorce after an affair. 

Months later, the divorce is off the table and he and his wife are more connected than they've ever been, but he doesn't quite trust it, and he came on to get coached through w...

You've been doing the work. So why does she still have her guard up like nothing's changed?

In this episode, Tara sits down with Coleman, one of the coaches inside Healthy Men-tality, and her own personal nervous system coach. Because he primarily supports women and Tara primarily supports men, the two of them get to see both sides of what happens inside a relationship when nervous systems start to heal.

The heart of this conversation is what happens when one partner is doing the work and the other isn't there yet. When a man starts...

You thought you were loving your family. But what if you were slowly abandoning yourself?

In today's episode, Tara reads a post from one of the men inside Healthy Men-tality, shared word-for-word, about what doing the work actually looks like in real time. The ups, the downs, and the slow peeling back of the patterns underneath his behavior.

He writes about self-sacrificing his own needs for years, keeping the peace at any cost, and slowly becoming someone he didn't recognize. A man who did everything he thought a good husband and father was supposed to...

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes open discussion of suicide and self-harm. If you're in a hard place right now, it's completely okay to skip this one and come back when you're ready, or pick a different episode. If you do listen, go gentle with yourself and take breaks if you need them.

"Tom" came into the Healthy Men-tality program looking, from the outside, like a man who had it all figured out. Successful career, two decades of marriage, the kind of life that checks every box. Underneath it, his marriage was falling apart, he was living out of a...

Most men don't lose their relationship overnight.

It happens slowly.

Long work hours. Emotional avoidance. Constant stress. Feeling like roommates instead of partners. One person asking for connection while the other thinks, "I'm doing all of this for us… why isn't it enough?"

In this episode, Marcus opens up about the collapse of his six-year relationship, discovering his partner was emotionally involved with someone else, and the spiral of shame, grief, panic, and self-blame that followed.

But this conversation goes deeper than cheating or heartbreak.

We unpack how childhood tr...

What happens when a man spends years trying to earn love by abandoning himself?

In this episode, I sit down with Healthy Men-tality member Carlos for an honest conversation about nervous system regulation, shame, people-pleasing, emotional burnout, marriage struggles, and learning how to stop losing yourself inside relationships.

Carlos shares what led him to the program after his wife hit a breaking point in their marriage, including isolation, depression, emotional shutdown, loss of identity, and feeling completely overwhelmed after moving his family internationally.

Together, we unpack:

Why people-pleasing eventually creates resentment<...

Most men were never taught how to stay present when emotions get big.

So when conflict happens in a relationship… they either shut down, try to fix it, disappear emotionally, or explode. Then comes the shame spiral.

"I'm failing." "I'm broken." "I can't do this right."

In this episode, Dave Lishansky and I unpack what's actually happening underneath those reactions, and why so many "nice guys" are really just men stuck in nervous system survival patterns.

We talk about emotional safety, boundaries, self-abandonment, attachment dynamics, men's groups, breathwork, and why relationships ev...

Some women spend years trying to explain the same pain.

Different wording. Different tone. Different timing.

Eventually the tears stop. The conversations get shorter. The resentment gets quieter. And then one day she says she's done.

That's usually when panic finally kicks in.

In this episode, Tara breaks down one of the hardest questions men face once they start healing after separation or divorce:

"Why did it take losing me for you to finally change?"

And honestly? Most men answer that question from shame instead of truth.<...

Joey didn't walk into this expecting anything emotional.

He thought he'd get a tactic. Maybe a business insight. Something useful he could apply.

Instead, he ended up face to face with something he hadn't fully processed in years.

His mom.

She passed away when he was 23. He's 48 now.

And somewhere along the way, without really realizing it, he'd been trying to recreate that connection. In relationships. In life. In the way he showed up.

That's the part that stuck.

Not the grief itself. The pattern...

This episode is what transformation actually sounds like in real time.

Not polished. Not filtered. Not "I've got it all figured out."

Just honest.

Glenn came into Healthy Men-tality in the middle of a brutal divorce after a 20+ year marriage that had slowly turned into disconnection, resentment, and survival mode.

What he didn't realize at the time?

He wasn't just leaving a relationship. He was leaving a version of himself.

Inside this conversation, we unpack:

How men get conditioned to tolerate unhealthy dynamics without realizing...

You're successful… so why is your relationship falling apart?

If you feel respected, valued, and confident in your career but disconnected, criticized, or unwanted at home…

This episode will explain why.

Inside this conversation, we break down the real root of "roommate marriages", and why traditional advice doesn't work

What You'll Learn:

Why your brain is wired to chase achievement over connection

How dopamine addiction keeps you focused on work instead of your relationship

The hidden reason presence and emotional intimacy feel uncomfortable

Why you feel...

She said she was done. No real explanation. Just "I'm unhappy." And everything Skippy thought was stable... wasn't.

In this episode, Tara sits down with Healthy Men-tality member Skippy to talk through what the early stages of separation actually looked like, and how he went from full panic mode to something he hadn't felt in years: clarity.

In this episode:

Why trying harder often makes things worse

The 30-day no-emotional-pressure reset and what it actually did

How nervous system regulation stopped the spiral

The childhood patterns that...

There's a moment when everything you thought was stable… isn't.

Not slowly. Not with warning. Just… gone!

That's where this conversation starts.

Bill was married for 16 years. He thought they had normal problems. Manageable ones.

Then one conversation changed everything.

His wife asked for a divorce… and he found out she had already moved on.

In this episode of Unblock Your BS, I sit down with listener Bill as he navigates the raw, real aftermath of being blindsided.

This isn't a polished success story.

Thi...

If your partner is constantly sending you relationship content… and your first instinct is to feel annoyed, confused, or defensive…

This episode is going to challenge that.

Because what looks like a "TikTok problem"… is usually a communication and emotional safety problem.

Inside this solo episode, we break down what's actually happening when someone avoids direct communication, and how your response might be reinforcing the very cycle you're frustrated with.

Why sending TikToks is often a safer form of communication

How social media algorithms reinfo...

Most people don't go into marriage expecting it to end. And when it does… they don't have a roadmap.

If you're a man facing divorce, you've probably heard the same story on repeat:

You'll lose your money. You'll lose your kids. The system is rigged against you.

But what if most of that is just noise?

In this episode of Unblock Your BS, I sit down with Joe Dillon, co-founder of Equitable Mediation Services, to break down what actually happens in divorce, and how to navigate it without destroying your finances, yo...

At 25, Coleman was cheating on his wife, chronically lying, and living in constant fight-or-flight.

He didn't just lose his marriage. He realized he didn't like who he had become.

This episode is the raw, unfiltered story of what it actually takes to change, not through mindset hacks, but through nervous system healing.

From rock bottom… to somatic work, subconscious reprogramming, breathwork, and rebuilding emotional integrity.

Today, Coleman helps women regulate their nervous systems, and teaches men how to create emotional safety instead of control.

This conversation goes beyond "self-improvement." It...

Some moments in life split your story into two chapters: Before. And after.

For Charlie, that moment happened the night he discovered his wife was having an affair.

After 15 years together, his marriage collapsed overnight. His nervous system spiraled. His identity shattered. And he found himself sitting in his car wondering how his life had fallen apart so quickly.

But that breakdown became the beginning of something unexpected.

In this episode, Charlie shares the real story behind his healing journey inside the Healthy Men-tality program, from emotional shutdown and codependency to...

Heartbreak has a way of exposing patterns we didn't even realize we were living inside of.

In this episode, Tara sits down with heartbreak and relationship coach Erica Wright to unpack the deeper dynamics that show up in relationships, especially after betrayal, divorce, or emotional disconnection. The conversation explores how codependency develops, why people often ignore their intuition in relationships, and what it actually takes to rebuild trust with yourself after a painful breakup.

Erica shares how she helps clients heal using parts work and inner child work, explaining how the different "parts" of our...

Divorce is messy. It's grief. It's a relief. It's rage. It's freedom. Sometimes all in the same week.

In this solo episode, I break down what really happens after divorce, especially for the men I work with inside Healthy Men-tality. The bitterness. The bargaining. The shame spiral. The temptation to jump into something new just to avoid being alone.

And here's the bold truth: Dating while you're still legally or emotionally tied to someone else often isn't healing… it's avoidance.

We talk about:

The 5 stages of grief in divorce (even when yo...

You're good teammates.Good parents.

But behind closed doors?Something's missing.

The spark.The fire.The "I can't wait to touch you" energy.

Most couples don't talk about sex or nobody knows how to actually talk about it.

In this episode, I sit down with sex and intimacy coach Dan Purcell to talk about what's really underneath the roommate marriage phase and why trying to "get more sex" is often the exact thing killing desire.

We unpack:

Why desire discrepancy is so common (and what it actually...

Two D' Days.

That's what Clayton calls them.

The day he discovered the sexual affair. And the day he found out it wasn't the only one.

She cheated. Twice.

When he found out about the affairs, his reality shattered. He stopped functioning. Sat on the couch. Scrolled TikTok for answers.

Six months later?

His marriage is still rocky.

But he's calm. Clear. Grounded. And not afraid anymore.

In this episode, Clayton shares what happened after joining Healthy Men-tality and how nervous system regulation...

You finally decided to do the work.

You're learning about nervous system regulation.

You're reflecting on your patterns.

You're trying to show up differently.

And instead of relief…

She says:

"Why now?"

"I've been asking for this for years."

In this episode, Tara breaks down:

Why resentment often shows up when growth begins

What emotional shutdown in women actually means

Why your healing doesn't automatically repair years of micro-betrayals

How to develop emotional range instead of...

If every conversation with your partner feels like an attack…

If feedback turns into defensiveness, shutdowns, or arguments…

If you keep asking yourself, "Why does this keep happening?"

This episode is for you.

In today's conversation, I break down why defensiveness isn't confidence or self-advocacy… it's a nervous system response rooted in shame and early childhood wiring.

We're unpacking:

Why your body reacts before your logic ever shows up

How defensiveness protects an identity wound, not your relationship

The difference between guilt ("I did so...

When life punches you in the throat (flu, ice storm, a branch through your roof at 5am… you know, casual "unprecedented times" stuff), you learn real fast what "emotional safety" actually means.

And here's the thing: emotional safety has become a buzzword. A lot of women use it. A lot of men hear it and instantly translate it as physical safety.

"I've never hit her." "I don't scream." "I would never hurt her."

Cool… but that's not the conversation your partner is trying to have.

In this episode, I'm breaking down what...