The Wise Mind Happy Hour

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If your default setting is “sorry to bother you,” this one is for you. We’re back from our break with plenty of life updates and laughs, but the core of the conversation gets practical fast: how to protect your self-respect when you’re asking for something, setting a boundary, or saying no.

We close out our three-part DBT interpersonal effectiveness series by focusing on self-respect effectiveness through the FAST skill (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): "F" (be fair,) "A" (no apologies), "S" (stick to values) and "T" (be truthful.)

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We'll be back next week with a FULLY ORIGINAL EPISODE!

In the meantime, we hope to offset your boredom with a well-timed rerun of our classic episode about BOREDOM (and the surprising value that can come from embracing it.)

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In honor of Halloween (and the fact that our schedules have been ESPECIALLY SPOOKY lately) we are airing a re-run of this WISE MIND classic.

Values...what even are they? We all talk about values, but do we really understand them? Values are an elusive beast. More abstract than goals, but ultimately at the core of our essence. On this EXTREMELY SPOOKY EPISODE, we talk about how to untangle our own values from those we've been taught, what we'd want people to say at our 80th birthdays, and whether or not...

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Welcome to Part 2 of our DBT "interpersonal effectiveness" series." Today we focus on the GIVE skill for healthier communication and relationship repair: be Gentle, act Interested, Validate, and use an Easy Manner. (And "watch that 'tude.") 😉 We break down what each part looks like in practice, how to stay in a hard conversation without escalating, and why validation is not the same thing as agreement.

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WHAT IS EMDR? Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. But...WHAT??? Don't worry, it'll all make more sense soon. EMDR-trained clinician Kelly Kilgallon, LCSW (and her NON-THERAPIST husband Josh Bayer) delve into the mysterious waters of EMDR therapy and how it helps “unstick” traumatic memories that still carry emotional charge in the present. If you’re curious about EMDR, want a clearer picture of what it feels like, or you’re wondering whether your experience “counts,” just hit play.

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No, DEAR MAN is not a feminist manifesto. It's a DBT tour de force. Designed for interpersonal effectiveness and developed by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan, its primary goal is "objective effectiveness"—helping you ask for what you need, say "no" to unwanted requests, and navigate conflict while keeping people on your side. Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce (DEAR) all while being Mindful, Appearing Confident, and remaining open to Negotiating (MAN.)

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A tenured professor, an open marriage with rules that suddenly don’t work, and a campus Title IX scandal that makes everyone pick a side. We just watched Netflix’s Vladimir (starring Rachel Weisz, Leo Woodall and John Slattery) and we couldn’t stop talking about it. Beneath the darkly playful humor is a surprisingly sharp look at what desire does to your mind, your body, and your sense of self.

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Your mind can be brilliant and still be wrong, especially when you’re hungry, tired, anxious, or feeling rejected. Let's "get serious" about the thought patterns that quietly run so many of our worst days: magnification and minimization, catastrophizing, overgeneralization, magical thinking, personalization, mind reading, fortune telling, emotional reasoning, disqualifying the positive, should statements, and all-or-nothing thinking. These thoughts can feel so convincing but can be protective, and a trauma-informed perspective can explain where they came from without letting them drive the car forever. 

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Love doesn’t fail loudly most of the time. It fails quietly, in the space between what we meant and what our partner actually felt. Where do you land on love languages and top sheets?

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Therapy is scary. If you're a therapist, if you're a client...SCARY. (Sorry we're releasing before Halloween.) We discuss some of the most common fears and delve deep into the rabbit hole of the vulnerabilities that therapy can unearth.

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So, in the name of PUSHING OURSELVES, we are pushing ourselves to run a re-run of an old episode and let go of our PERFECT PODCASTING STREAK ⚡️ is this wise? YOU TELL US. (New content coming next week!!!)

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Are you an ELDEST DAUGHTER? Have you ever felt like the world rests on your shoulders? Do you ever envy your middle and younger siblings (or...gasp...your BROTHERS?) Then this episode's for you. (And if you're a curious middle or inquisitive baby, please feel free to explore as well.) We all have something to learn here.

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Jon rejoins us for our robust analysis of the last 3 tenets of the DBT Consultation Agreement: 1) observing limits, 2) the non-judgmental stance and 3) the fallibility agreement.

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Y'all seen 2026 Hulu smash hit TV show "Alive and Steve" starring Jemaine Clement from "Flight of the Conchords?" Want HELLA SPOILERS? Conflicted about aging? Well then you've come to the right place.

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Jon is literally on vacation (he is sorely missed) so we decided to take this opportunity to talk about our fertility journey. How wise is THAT?

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The Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) consultation team agreements are the backbone of effective DBT consultation groups. Today we delve into 3 of these key agreements: 1) "no absolute truth, look for what’s left out," 2) "don't fragilize your clients" and 3) "leave room for multiple modalities."

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For those of you who roll your eyes at the term "self compassion"...this ep is worth a listen. (Or at least a read through the transcript.) Many of us are so stuck in a trance of unworthiness, that it might seem like self compassion is overly indulgent (or counter to our ambitions.) In this episode, we respectfully challenge this notion...and also dive into the wisdom of ironing clothes....or is steaming best?

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Today we explore a counterintuitive trend among women: intentionally seeking out straight, male therapists for their mental health care. Inspired by The Cut article "Why Would You Pay to Talk to a Man?" by Meaghan O'Connell, we dive deep into this phenomenon.  While a large majority of women still prefer female therapists, both clients and clinicians are making concrete use of gender dynamics inside the consulting room.

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Kelly Kilgallon (LCSW) and Jon Butz (LCPC) dive deep into “Therapeutic Presence: Therapists’ experience of presence in the psychotherapy encounter,” an article by Shari M. Gellar & Leslie S. Greenberg. What does it mean for a therapist to be TRULY PRESENT during a session? Should they “bracket” their personal lives and inner worlds during a session? Juggling one’s own subjective experience with the incredibly demanding clinical work of psychotherapy can be quite the tightrope to walk..so walk it with us.

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What if we told you that 96 % of your emotional impulses are counter to your values...would you be surprised? Better yet, what if we challenged you to act "in opposite" to your impulses? Maybe this sounds crazy, but studies show that it could change your life. (Let's just be a little loose with the definition of "opposite" 😉)

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Yiddishist Mikhl Yashinsky joins us to dissect the psychology of language...what if we all spoke every language (or at least tried?) Would we have global peace? And what if we approaching learning new languages through the lens of curiosity rather than the lens of conquest? PLUS: how wise is it to "read" Audiobooks?

www.yashinsky.com

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2 therapists get together to discuss the hit Apple TV show "Shrinking" ❤️‍🔥 did somebody say "spinoff potential?"

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Criticism can be hard to hear...but what about the criticism coming from inside our own brains? We all have our own unique form of "inner critic." And while a hateful internal monologue can be a tough beast to tame, perhaps the first step is understanding why it exists. Maybe it wants to help us more than we think.

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CBT, DBT, psychodynamic, ACT, EMDR...you might be familiar with some (or all) of these acronyms. Therapy can be taught in many forms, and we all have our preferences (both as therapists and clients.) BUT: is it possible that these various approaches have more in common than meets the eye? 

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How does it feel to literally STRETCH YOUR BRAIN? We all know what flexibility is...but what about "psychological flexibility?" OK, maybe it's not that confusing...but what if we make it EVEN LESS CONFUSING? Learn what can happen to your wise mind when you allow space to free yourself from the version of yourself you think you want to be...you might surprise yourself.

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Can I get that "woo woo?" Special guest Megan Fojo joins us for a deep dive into the wise world of manifestation. 

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We all have mixed feelings about our birthday...right? Whether it's mortality, aging, or simply "celebrate me / don't celebrate me," birthdays can bring out the best and/or worst in us. Dr. Alisa Bayer, PhD joins us for a deep-dive into the unpacking of what it means to celebrate one's birthday as an adult.

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Don't go to bed angry. Don't marry someone who's "moody." "If they love us enough, they'll JUST KNOW." These little nuggets of marriage advice are so ingrained in our brains that many of us take them for the gospel...but what if we debunk these myths? Relationship coach Monica Tanner unravels some of these cliches, and helps us get to the bottom of what actually makes a marriage strong and lasting.

www.monicatanner.com

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As we transition from the Age of Aquarius into the Age of Pisces, what better time is there than now to reflect on what makes us feel spiritually fulfilled? Perhaps we've spent the better part of the decade online shopping, and would be curious to plug more into our career...or perhaps we've decided we HATE board games, and could benefit from giving them a second chance. Pick your poison...nothin' wrong with an epiphany (and the best part is: we don't even need to do anything about it!)

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Getting married, having a baby, moving to another city (or country)...sometimes it can be hard (or close to impossible) to know when the timing is "right" to take the plunge into uncertainty. But can we still find meaning (and excitement) in the unknown?

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Therapists have problems too. This may seem obvious (on paper), but sitting with clients and truly being present with them when you're having an absolutely awful day can be and incredibly challenging (and sometimes ultimately rewarding.) Listen to our 3 old social work school buddies chew the fat on this topic (and more.)

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#adulting...WHAT IS IT?

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Teaching is TOUGH...how do you find your wise mind in a profession that is one of the most vital in existence, yet is somehow more and more discredited by our government with each passing year? PLUS: what's the deal with "bean soup?"

⚠️ AND SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ if you don't want to know the ending of "Bugonia," please skip the section from 16 min - 35 min 

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Maybe you hated math as kid...maybe you absolutely LOVED it. Maybe you've decided to make a profession out of mathematics, or perhaps you avoid it like the plague. Regardless, we all have a visceral response when it comes to the word "math." And on this episode, we UNPACK THE FEAR.

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Have you ever fantasized about knowing ALL OF THE INNER WORKINGS of your therapist's life? And do you ever wonder why they share NOTHING with you? (Or maybe they're more like an open book.) Regardless, a therapist revealing a little bit about themselves during a session can be both helpful and harmful (depending on the context) and the wise mind can be key in differentiating whether or not it's a proper moment to "self-disclose."

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In just over a year of existence, we've had some pretty noteworthy guests on our pod...in this first installment of our "best of guests," we feature Dr. Vijay Khilanani, MD; Dr. Alisa Bayer, PhD; Mia D'Agostino, LCSW; Alexandra Wallen, LCSW and Lori Tolan, LCPC.

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Have you ever compared your wise mind to a chess board? Or, how about: what if you stopped trying to win the game of chess and just BECAME THE CHESSBOARD? (And what if the game of chess is really...the game of life?)

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Have you ever stepped back and thought: "what if I stopped STRIVING so hard?" Yes? Well then this episode's for you.

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We all love the Take 5 candy bar (unless we have a peanut allergy). But what about being allergic to sitting in the uncertainty of how our partner feels about us? Sometimes, when the tension is rising (whether it's over money, in-laws or the thermostat) it can be incredibly helpful to "TAKE 5" (we'll explain.) So set a timer for 5 minutes (or 62 minutes) and get ready to immerse yourself in self energy...sometimes that's the best conflict resolution strategy of all.

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Cults are all around us...on TV, on our phones, and maybe even we're in one. James Hruska (LCSW) joins us for this rousing discussion about hit HBO cult docuseries "The Vow" and the affiliated NXIVM cult founded by Keith Raniere.

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