Frontline Fifth
A read-along podcast where brand-spanking-new novitiates explore the Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir while a couple of dried-out bone witches cackle over how little they really know. How it Works: **The first half of each episode is SAFE for new readers!** In the first half of the episode, we will make our way through the details of a few Chapters a week (see https://frontlinefifth.podbean.com/p/reading-schedule/ for our schedule so you can read along!) **The second half is a labyrinth of SPOILERS!** In the second half of each episode, Marie and Hannah talk fan theories, conspiracies...
Muir Bibliographic Universe - The Woman in the Hill - “I Never Left”
This week we go searching for missing persons and our last remaining brain cell as we read Tamsyn Muir's short story "The Woman in the Hill." We really go off the rails a few times, so seriously, if you find that brain cell, please send it along through the post. Oh wait, we decided to get rid of the postal service.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available on our website, and you can follow us on Instagram...
Muir Bibliographic Universe - The Magician’s Apprentice
Continuing in the MBU, in this episode we recap another short story- The Magician's Apprentice.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available on our website, and you can follow us on Instagram@Frontline_Fifth, and on TikTok @frontlinefifth. If you want to rep your love for Frontline Fifth, you can purchase our merch designs on Redbubble. Finally, if you have any fun theories you'd like to share, or ideas for games we should play, feel free to email u...
Muir Bibliographic Universe - The House that Made the Sixteen Loops of Time
Kicking off a series of Tamsyn Muir's short stories, in this episode we recap her first online publication: a story of unrequited love in a petty and honestly kind of aggressive magical house.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available on our website, and you can follow us on Instagram@Frontline_Fifth, and on TikTok @frontlinefifth. If you want to rep your love for Frontline Fifth, you can purchase our merch designs on Redbubble. Finally, if you have...
MBU - Princess Floralinda and the Forty Flight Tower Part 2 - “That is exactly what I planned on doing”
SPOILER SECTION: This week has deep philosophical thinking on relationships and women's place in society nestled next to references to the toilet guy from Spice World and our imaginings of what a truly impossible modern princess tower might look like.
Join us next week for The House That Made the Sixteen Loops of Time but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want t...
Muir Bibliographic Universe - Princess Floralinda and the Forty Flight Tower Part 1 - “Butter-Coloured Curls and Eyes as Blue as Sapphires”
SAFE SECTION: We all speculate about the nature of the Alectopause, fart noises, and whether this is the worst ASMR experience possible, and we learn that none of us remember the lesson of any moral fable, while Brooke and Hannah puzzle over what the witch gets out of this situation.
SPOILER SECTION: John and Marie ruminate over the nature of witches, princesses, training montages, and the Cobweb of it all.
Join us next week to hear Part 2 of PFFFT but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs o...
State of the Pod - “We Do Bones...!"
In this episode we barely keep it on the rails as we try to steer into the skid of the Alectopause. Stay to hear all about our big plans for covering the MBU (Muir Bibliographic Universe) and a dive into a new book series we think you will enjoy. We also do a not-so-rapid-fire game section with some of our greatest hits.
Join us October 5 to enjoy Part I of Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, b...
Arcane S1Ep7-9 - “You Look Good for a Dead Girl”
SPOILER WARNING for the first season of the TV show Arcane.
This is the end of our review of the first season of the TV series Arcane! Join us for our Alectopause, as we try to fill the massive hole left behind after the rock was rolled away. Remember to stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us during the...
Arcane S1Ep4-6 - “She’s Here”
SPOILER WARNING for the first season of the TV show Arcane.
We dive deeper into Arcane this week and somehow manage to confuse fiddles vs violins, skateboards vs hoverboards and all manner of steampunk flying vehicles.
Remember to stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us during the break, follow us on Instagram@Frontline_Fifth, and on TikTok @f...
Arcane S1Ep1-3 - “There’s A Monster Inside All of Us”
SPOILER WARNING for the first three (ish) episodes of the TV show Arcane.
For the next three weeks, Hannah, Brooke, and John are reviewing the first season of the TV series Arcane. Join us for our Alectopause, as we try to fill the massive hole left behind after the rock was rolled away. Remember to stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow...
One Murderboard to Rule Them All - Part II
This episode contains spoilers for all currently published Locked Tomb books and short stories.
SPOILER SECTION: The gang pull out their string and pushpins and get to work! (cont.)
Join us next week in the Alectopause as we peruse the Netflix animated series Arcane, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar i...
One Murderboard to Rule Them All - Part I
This episode contains spoilers for all currently published Locked Tomb books and short stories.
SPOILER SECTION: The gang pull out their string and pushpins and get to work!
Join us next week to continue murderboarding along with us, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available on our website, and yo...
FF reviews Serenity, the movie
SPOILER WARNING: This episode contains spoilers for the 2005 movie "Serenity"
This week Hannah, Brooke, and Marie take a brief detour into a universe that parallels the Locked Tomb, before we return with our mega-murderboard session (i.e. entire episodes of rampant speculation).
Join us for our Alectopause, as we try to fill the massive hole left behind after the rock was rolled away. Remember to stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, b...
Season 3 Interstitial: Unwanted Guest
SPOILER WARNING: This episode contains spoilers for the ENTIRE LOCKED TOMB SERIES - Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, Alecto the Ninth, and all published short stories, including "The Unwanted Guest."
This week, all four bone witches talk through The Unwanted Guest and its...implications. We also play a game where we make a truly terrible story, and we all engage in RAMPANT SPECULATION together!
Join us after a break for additional speculation and more reading shenanigans as we all comfort each other in the Alectopause, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and...
NtN Chapter 31, 32, & Epilogue - “The Vow”
SPOILER SECTION: Marie sounds like she recorded on a potato (sorry) and ALLLL the bone witches can go ham on spoilers! There is no safe section!
Join us next week to read "The Unwanted Guest" but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available on our website, and you can follow us on In...
NtN Chapter John 5:4 & Chapter 30 - “To Love God”
SAFETY WARNING: There is heavy talk about mental health this episode. Proceed with caution, and if you need to talk to someone, help is available 24/7 in the US by dialing or texting 988.
SAFE SECTION: We almost talk ourselves into reading the Bible for the Alectopause (we won't); we all agree that Jod is a POS; Noodle is in the back; we all agree to launch immunologists into the sun.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hanna plot a new podcast, since this is their last solo spoiler sesh...
Join us next week to hear...
NtN Chapter 28 & 29 - “Something Very Nearly Perfect”
SAFE SECTION: Marie is a hater (we get it, but enough already), and we celebrate by giving gifts.
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah knows (and fears) what the message is.
Please note - we probably have some slip ups misgendering a new character - it is not malicious or intentional, and we do get better.
Join us next week as we draw the Tower in Nona the Ninth John 5:4 and Chapter 30 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
...
NtN Chapter 26, 27, & John 1:20 - “Now, the Deluge” SPOILER
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah look for the FTL ships and try on different names for G-.
Join us next week to find something very nearly perfect in Nona the Ninth Chapters 28 and 29 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available on our website, and you can follow us on Instagram@Frontline_F...
NtN Chapter 26, 27, & John 1:20 - “Now, the Deluge” SAFE
SAFE SECTION: Marie starts a cult, Brooke's heart broke five times, Hannah has goose bumps, and John will be writing a song called "Celestial Piece of Sh!t." Also, we are impossible to keep on task, topic, or focus this episode. Enjoy!
Join us next week to find something very nearly perfect in Nona the Ninth Chapters 28 and 29 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If...
NtN Chapter 24 & 25 - “"You F*cking Legend"
SAFE SECTION: We all think about defending Judith Deuteros and learn about the saddest girl in the world; John dibs a few band names; Marie, Hannah, and Brooke give an impromptu biology lesson; and Brooke and John do some soul math.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah do their own soul math and go searching for bodies while being insufferable pedants.
Join us next week to seek out some old friends in Nona the Ninth Chapters 26, 27, and John 1:20, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors witho...
NtN Chapter 22 & 23 - “Die Quick, Die Cold, Bring 'Em With You”
SAFETY WARNING: There is a lot of talk these chapters and this episode about self-harm. Proceed with caution, and if you need to talk to someone, help is available 24/7 in the US by dialing or texting 988.
SAFE SECTION: John is the bad cheese, and we all(?) strap on our swords and play our most depressing game to date.
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie speculate about what speculating with the newbies will be like.
Join us next week to kiss corpses in Nona the Ninth Chapters 24 and 25 but til then, stay safe my...
Sorry and Quick Announcement 4/27/26
Act None- Sorry penitents!
There has been a small delay. Please stay tuned. We are definitely back next week, and if you say some solid 9th House prayers, perhaps before then. Love you, bye!
NtN Chapter 21 & John 9:22 - “My Friend had Stipulations Once, but the Teacher Put a Cream on It”
SAFE SECTION: We come up with the absolute worst code words, but the best shows about the extras. Brooke and John muse about a "throuple" soul, while John searches for the center of the donut.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah muse about souls and identities, and our hopes for Alecto.
Join us next week to get in one last duel in Nona the Ninth Chapters 22 & 23, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episo...
NtN Chapter 19, John 3:20, and Chapter 20 - “Blood of Eden is Quite Impressed by Blood and Guts”
SAFE SECTION: Brooke and John are too sweet and innocent to throw a proper tantrum, but they do get enthusiastic about recipes for human flesh.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah muse about tantrums, dreams, and dogs.
Join us next week to make a deal in Nona the Ninth Chapter 21 and John 9:22 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow...
NtN Chapter 17, 18, & John 5:1 - “The Worst Day of School Ever”
SAFE SECTION: John promises "unholy vengeance" upon Marie and Hannah, we all get morose over Cam and Pal's recordings, and we show how much tact we can show in impossible situations.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah talk yet again about Cam and Pal, and Marie doesn't try (and succeeds?) to convince to Hannah about how Pash is an interesting and really cool character.
Join us next week to have a tantrum in Nona the Ninth Chapters 19 & 20 and John 3:20 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter...
NtN Chapter 16 and John 19:18 - “It’s Zombies, They’re Back! Holy Sh*t!”
SAFE SECTION: We go evo-devo on Noodle's arboreal legs, learn about cows, try to remember English history, and Marie is an insufferable know-it-all about cows.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah speculate about John, the nun, and the Angel.
Join us in TWO WEEKS to listen to other people’s messages in Nona the Ninth Chapters 17, 18, and John 5:1, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
...NtN Chapter 15 & John 8:1 - “A Shanty Town and an International Controversy”
SAFE SECTION: Oh boy. We end up spiraling about capitalism.
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie have yet another deep conversation about what love is, and what it is not.
Join us next week to sneak away to explore Nona the Ninth Chapter 16 and John 19:18 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is a...
NtN Chapter 13 & 14 - “I Like My Prison Cells More Obvious”
SAFE SECTION: We all peg each others' types in this week's game, and then Brooke and John are off and running into completely unhinged theoryland.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah get deep and philosophical thinking about what Crown really wants.
Pull up next week in the car with the grille in Chapter 15 and John 8:1, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you...
NtN Chapter 11 & 12 - “The Clock Starts”
SAFE SECTION: So many memes! A long conversation about holobionts! John hopped up on caffeine and pacing! This episode has it all!
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie talk about everyone's secrets and Marie almost convinces Hannah that two thigh machetes isn't terrible (or is terrible, but is at least interesting).
Join us next week to stop in on an old friend in Chapters 13 and 14 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode conta...
NtN Chapter 10 and John 5:18- “False Labour Pains”
SAFE SECTION: Marie develops a Mithraeum perfume. (Fun fact - you can find out what space smells like for yourself! Here on Earth! And heck, while we are linking things, here is a good article.) We explain NFTs to John (not really, but it sounds funnier that way). Honestly, so many tangents.
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie examine necro/cav relationships.
Join us next week to hear what is sexy in Chapters 11 and 12 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you kn...
NtN John 15:23 and Chapter 9 - “Regret and Self-Hatred and Sea Water”
SAFE SECTION: Brooke is an enchilada, John sweeps around his house in a cloak, we learn that Nona is good at making SMART goals.
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah has questions about eyes, and Marie rants about dogs.
Join us next week to keep Camilla home in Chapter 10 and John 5:18, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along...
NtN Chapter 7 & 8 - “Domestic Life is Immensely Depressing”
SAFE SECTION: The gang wants to know your opinions about oatmeal cookies, and then Brooke will explain her elaborate plan to steal restaurant dishes, John confesses to eating a stick of butter, and everyone except John is insufferable about PhDs.
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie are obsessed with Pyrrha.
Join us next week to watch us move some hands in Chapters 9, 10, and John 15:23 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones...
NtN Chapter 5, 6, & John 5:20 - “Being Unexpectedly Loved”
SAFE SECTION: We all compare notes on our daily ablutions and tell each other bedtime stories, John convinces Brooke of Crown's identity, and Brooke and John decide they know who Nona is.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah spend a lot of time talking about Pyrrha and picking apart Cam's bedtime story.
Next week, wake up with a wet sponge to the face in Chapters 7 and 8 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This...
NtN Chapter 2, 3, & 4 - “Good-looking and Dumb”
SAFE SECTION: Brooke and John are still frustrated, and getting used to a different pacing.
SPOILER SECTION: Marie and Hannah talk about names and puzzle through chapter icons.
Join us next week to hear a bedtime story in Chapters 5, 6, and John 5:20 but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available on o...
NtN John 20:8 and Chapter 1 - “Wannabe Heroes and Hairy Dogs”
SAFE SECTION: We all spend way too long reminiscing about the birth of the internet until we fall into an abyss of cringe. John is exasperated, Brooke is flabbergasted, Marie is enjoying this all too much, and Hannah continues to be the mastermind.
SPOILER SECTION: Hannah and Marie compare notes with the newbies nascent theories.
Join us next week to hear about gang initiation in Chapters 2, 3 & 4, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: Thi...
NtN Teaser - “Sleep, I’ll Wake You In the Morning”
Surprise! We are benevolent bone witches, and so we interrupt your longing with a leetle teaser episode. We all talk about the Dramatis Personae and new poem in Nona the Ninth, and then you can listen to Brooke and John as they give their live reactions to the first chapter in Nona the Ninth.
Join us next year when we meet Nona for real, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, b...
Season 2 Interstitial: Oops, All Games
SAFE SECTION: Kara, the Mastermind of Bone Island and other quality content, joins the cast to play a succession of exceedingly silly games.
Find Kara on TikTok, or listen to Lesbians are Brutal wherever you get your podcasts!
Join us in January when we start Nona the Ninth next season! You can tide yourself over with bonus content on our Patreon, but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, sm...
SPOILER Season 2 Interstitial: Do Fans Have Hinges?
SPOILER SECTION: Lizzi joins the bone witches as they go into RAMPANT SPECULATION land and trade their most favorite and close-held theories.
Follow Lizzi on TikTok or Tumblr!
Join us next week to hear a special games episode with guest star Kara but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading calendar is available...
SAFE Season 2 Interstitial: Do Fans Have Hinges?
SAFE SECTION: Lizzi joins the bone witches and newbies to rate fan theories by their level of unhinged on a scale of Brooke to John.
Follow Lizzi on TikTok or Tumblr!
Join us next week to hear a special games episode with guest star Kara but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut and swear words.
If you want to follow along with us, our reading c...
Season 2 Interstitial: Much Wanted Guests
SPOILER SECTION: This episode contains series spoilers through Nona the Ninth!
Recurring guest stars Sonia and Josh join Hannah and Marie for a performance in the theater of the absurd as we discuss the short story "The Unwanted Guest."
Join us next week for an episode of Fan Theories and Rampant Speculation! with special guest of niche-fandom TikTok fame, Lizzi! but til then, stay safe my Ninth necros, and remember not to unlock any tombs or enter any doors without permission, because, you know, ghosts.
Content warning: This episode contains bones, blood, smut a...
Season 2 Interstitial: “As Yet Still Unsent”
This episode is SAFE for anyone who has read Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, The Mysterious Study of Dr. Sex, and As Yet Unsent.
Update: John has said a decent number of dumb things in the history of this podcast, but nothing has been dumber and more terrible than his take on shipping. He has since seen the light and begs your forgiveness. Thank you.
In this episode, Brooke and John delve into the psyche of Judith F*cking Deuteros, try to understand the timeline, and make a few predictions for what this all m...
