The Sex After Kids Podcast
Add more play to your couple connection and get back into the bedroom for more frequent and more satisfying naked sexy fun time after kids.Â
The 5 Questions I Would Ask You If You Wanted to Fix Your Sex Life
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If you sat down for a cup of coffee with me and said, “Sofia, fix our sex life,” you might expect me to start by asking how often you’re having sex, who initiates, or what exactly is happening in your bedroom.
I actually don’t start there.
In this episode, I share the five questions I ask every couple I work with. They’re probably not what you expect, and they tell me everything I need to know about the sex you’re having, how often you’re having it, and...
2 Years In: What I Hear From Listeners and Clients the Most
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Two years of the Sex After Kids Podcast! To celebrate, I'm sharing what I hear most often from both higher libido and lower libido partners in my DMs, on enrollment calls and in client sessions, and the surprising gap between what each of you thinks the other wants. (Hint: the most common "win" I hear isn't more sex.)
Then we explore a different kind of question - What if your partner isn't asking you to force yourself to want sex? What if they're asking you to open the...
Intimacy Is a Team Sport
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For many women, their relationship with sex was complicated long before kids entered the picture—or before they met their current partner.
In this episode, Sofia explores how cultural messages, fertility challenges, birth, past sexual experiences and years of feeling disconnected from the body can shape a woman’s experience of intimacy. She also explains why rebuilding that relationship cannot fall entirely on one person.
You’ll hear:
Why sex can feel easy and uncomplicated for one partner but overwhelming for the otherHow the body holds onto experiences of pre...The Small Skill That Makes the Sexy Stuff Work
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When you finally get a moment to yourself, do you choose something that fills you up or something that helps you check out?
In this episode, Sofia explores the difference between genuine pleasure, quick gratification and everyday dissociation. She breaks down how chronic stress disconnects us from our bodies, why pleasure can feel surprisingly difficult to access and how small moments of joy can help regulate the nervous system.
You’ll learn about four forms of pleasure: emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual, and why building your capacity for pleasure ou...
The 5 Stages of Your Sexual Relationship with Dan Purcell
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What if the best sex of your life is still ahead of you?
In this episode, Sofia revisits a favourite conversation from the Sex After Kids Summit with Dan Purcell, founder of Get Your Marriage On. Together, they explore the five stages a sexual relationship can move through, from the excitement of newness and the reality of maintenance sex to novelty, deeper meaning and complete surrender.
They talk about why having kids can shake couples out of sexual complacency, how to recognize the season you’re currently in and wh...
How To Go From Folding Laundry To A Yes
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Most parents can’t go from dishes, deadlines and daycare pickup brain to feeling sexy with the flip of a switch.
There is no switch. There’s a bridge.
In this episode, Sofia explores the art of the transition: how couples can move out of regular-life mode and into connection, pleasure and play without waiting for spontaneous desire or forcing themselves to push through.
You’ll learn:
Why waiting for your libido to magically return can keep you stuckThe difference between making an intentional choice and forcin...You Cannot Change What You Cannot Talk About
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You love each other, you’re committed to each other and there are still things you’re both quietly not saying.
The frustration you swallow.
The need you decide isn’t worth bringing up.
The disappointing sex you pretend was fine because talking about it somehow feels harder than just moving on.
But if it stays silent, it stays stuck.
In this episode, I’m sharing an excerpt from The Naked Fun Comeback (my signature program for couples) about one of the bigg...
Why Your Great Relationship Isn't Fixing Your Sex Life
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If you've ever thought, "We're best friends... so why is our sex life still struggling?" this episode is for you.
Many couples assume that a strong relationship should naturally lead to a great sex life. But what if being close emotionally isn't the same as knowing how to create desire, connection, and fulfilling intimacy?
In this episode, we unpack why so many happy, loving couples still struggle with sex. We talk about the hidden patterns that keep couples stuck, why date nights and...
You Think My Marriage Is Different. It's Not.
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Is marriage after kids harder than you expected? You're not alone.
In this episode of the Sex After Kids Podcast, I share the honest story of what our marriage looked like after becoming parents. We've experienced resentment, therapy, sleepless nights, postpartum struggles, the mental load, and moments where I questioned whether we'd make it.
I talk about what actually helped us move through those difficult seasons, from changing how we handled the mental load to learning how to communicate better, reconnect emotionally, and approach our...
Why waiting for your sex drive to come back is the hard way to a fun flirty relationship after kids
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In this episode Sofia explores why so many women are just "waiting for their sex drive to come back online" to have a better sex life. She explores why this thinking is the hard way back to a fun and flirty relationship and what couples who have a thriving sex life after kids do instead. She shares dispatches from her bedroom to illustrate how tuning into intention instead of desire, turning stop signs into yield signs in your body, and communicating playfully can get you back to the sex you crave after children.<...
10 Years and 3 kids later my libido was on ice
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From missmatched libidos and pelvic floors, to sexual fantasy and communication skills - your host Sofia Ashley - certified sex coach and educator - will walk you through her thoughts on it all in these solo (for now) episodes.
Today I introduce myself and give you the DL on my 10 year relationship and how my sex life has evolved throughout. Grab a cup of tea, and maybe some earbuds and let's get acquainted.Â
00:00 The Conversation You Are Avoiding
00:09 Navigating Tough Seasons
00:11 Staying Connected Through the Early Years
Sexless Marriage: How to Save Your Relationship Before Divorce
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Let’s just put it out there: If you’re in a sexless marriage, you’ve probably had at least one “Would this just be easier if we split up?” moment. Maybe you’ve even daydreamed about a solo life—until you remember that modern dating sounds absolutely exhausting. (No, thank you!)
If you’re even flirting with the D-word—even in your head—this episode is for you. Because keeping those worries secret just makes things worse, and you are NOT alone.
Join Sofia as she busts myths, calls out the mistak...
Foreplay Games for Couples: Playful Ways to Get Out of the Roommate Rut After Kids - Especially when it’s been a while
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Feeling awkward about intimacy after kids, or stuck in the “roommate rut?” You’re not alone. In this episode, I share why foreplay (and the “pre-game” before it) is the real secret to rekindling connection—and how to make it feel safe, pressure-free, and fun (especially for the lower libido partner).
What we cover:
01:06 — Rethinking Foreplay & Getting Started Again
02:11 — Zero Pressure: The Key to Connection
02:36 — Pre-Foreplay: Building Safety & Trust
03:25 — The Pre-Game: Flirty Connection & Melting Defenses
03:57 — Pressure-Free Scenarios: Massage Examples
06:30 — The Impact o...
The Four Secret Ingredients for a Fab Sex Life - After Kids
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In this episode of the Sex After Kids podcast, we explore the four secret ingredients essential for a fulfilling sex life post-parenthood. Listen in to find out what the nervous system, communication, your relationship to pleasure and your mindset have to do with reclaiming your sex life after kids.Â
00:00 Introduction to the Podcast
00:37 Setting the Stage with 'Easy'
07:24 The Naked Sexy Fun Times Cycle
14:43 Four Core Ingredients for a Fantastic Sex Life
15:10 Nervous System: The First Ingredient
19:50 Communication: The Second Ingredient
Most Couples Never Actually Learn Intimacy
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If s*x after kids feels awkward, disconnected, or harder than it used to… you are not alone.
In this episode, Sofia breaks down why most couples struggle with intimacy after kids — and why it’s NOT because you’re broken, selfish, or “bad at s*x.”
Most couples were never actually taught intimacy skills.
Instead, we relied on chemistry, novelty, alcohol, low stress, and spontaneity in our 20s… and then felt confused when those things stopped working in marriage and parenthood.
Inside this episode:
Why s*x afte...Why Women Shut Down Sexually — It’s Not What You Think
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Why do so many women shut down sexually in long-term relationships?
In this episode, we’re talking about the emotional dynamic underneath sexual shutdown, rejection loops, pressure, and disconnection… especially after kids.
This conversation explores:
why desire can “go underground”how women are taught to manage men’s emotionsthe connection between boundaries, sexuality, and emotional safetyhow pressure and shutdown cycles developwhy suppressing sexuality doesn’t actually solve the problemwhat both partners can do differentlyThis is not about blaming men or women.
It’s about understanding...
Why S*x After Kids Feels Awkward Sometimes (And Why That’s Normal)
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What does real intimacy after kids actually look like?
In this episode of the S*x After Kids podcast, I’m sharing a real-life bedroom dispatch — including the awkward moments, miscommunication, nervous system shutdown, and honest conversations that almost made us stop halfway through intimacy.
Because real s*x after kids doesn’t always look effortless or spontaneous.
Sometimes it looks like:
• feeling unsure
• struggling to get “in the mood”
• hitting pause
• communicating through awkward moments
• learning how to create connection without pressure
The 4 Traps Keeping Good Men Stuck in S*xless Marriages After Kids
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If you're a husband feeling rejected, lonely, or stuck in a s*xless marriage after kids, this episode is for you.
Many higher-libido men are trying everything they can to improve intimacy—helping more around the house, avoiding conflict, staying patient, and waiting for things to get better. But sometimes those efforts unintentionally keep couples trapped in the same cycle.
In this episode of the Sx After Kids Podcast, I break down the **4 biggest traps keeping good men stuck in sxless marriages**, including:
âś” The Peacekeeper Trap
âś”...
You’re Not “Low Libido” — You’re Over-Needed After Kids
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If you feel touched out, exhausted, and completely shut down by the end of the day… this episode is for you.
In this episode of the Sx After Kids Podcast, we’re talking about why so many moms and lower-libido partners stop wanting sx after kids — and why it’s often NOT actually a libido problem.
We’re unpacking:
Why desire disappears after kidsThe “over-needed” nervous systemWhy pressure kills intimacyHow parenting overload impacts s*x driveThe hidden ways people avoid intimacy without realizing itWhy feeling touched out changes how your body...5 Things Killing Your S*x Life After Kids (That Have Nothing to Do With S*x)
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If you feel like your relationship has turned into roommates after kids… this is for you.
This episode breaks down 5 things that are quietly killing your sx life after kids — that have nothing to do with sx.
Because for most couples, it’s not about desire, effort, or “trying harder.”
It’s about the patterns that build distance without you even realizing it.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why waiting for desire to come back oft...Why Therapy Didn’t Fix Your Sex Life (And What Actually Will)
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You’ve tried therapy. You’ve had the hard conversations. So why does your sex life still feel stuck?
If you feel like you’ve done everything “right” but still end up lying in bed feeling more like roommates than partners… this episode will help you understand why.
In this episode of the Sex After Kids podcast, we break down:
Why therapy doesn’t always fix intimacyThe real reason your sex life still feels off (even if you’re trying)Why intimacy isn’t automatic—and what actually needs...What Actually Changes When You Fix Your Sex Life (It’s Not What You Think)
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What actually changes when couples fix their sex life?
It’s not just more sex.
It’s how you talk about it. How you experience it. And how you feel with each other.
In this episode of the Sex After Kids podcast, we break down the real shifts couples experience when they rebuild intimacy—without pressure, awkwardness, or constant conflict.
This is not the “everything is fixed overnight” version.
This is what actually changes in real life.
Inside this episo...
Why Couples Stop Having Sex After Kids (And How to Fix It)
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Why does sex feel so much harder after kids—even when you still love each other?
Most couples don’t fall out of love.
They fall into patterns where connection gets replaced with pressure, shutdown, and silence.
In this episode of the Sex After Kids podcast, we break down:
Why intimacy changes after kidsThe real reason sex starts to feel complicated or avoidedThe pressure/shutdown dynamic that keeps couples stuckWhy trying harder often makes things worseHow to rebuild connection in a way that actually work...What Couples with Great Sex Lives Do Differently
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Are you and your partner amazing co-parents but struggling to feel like lovers—especially with kids in the mix? You're not alone! In this episode, I break down the five habits that help couples with kids move beyond survival mode and rediscover playful, connected intimacy, no matter how busy life gets.
We'll talk about radical curiosity, honest feedback, the power of laughter, quick repairs after tough moments, and how to protect your intimacy bubble—even when little ones are always nearby. Plus, I'll share practical tips you can use right away and...
Why am I avoiding sex after kids?
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This is a love letter for anyone who's lost touch with desire and feels the weight of expectation after kids. I know what it's like to feel shut down and alone in your relationship. You don't want sex, you don't know why and everytime he asks it feels like he’s making it a personal failure on your part. In this episode, I unpack the truth behind "not tonight," why it's not your fault, and how to rebuild intimacy one step at a time.
Let's start a real conversation—comment below or s...
The Silent Reversal: When You're the One Wanting More (And He Doesn't)
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Ever find yourself wanting intimacy more than your husband—and wondering what changed after kids? You're not alone. In this episode, I'm talking about the real reasons behind this shift, why "trying harder" isn’t working, and how to start changing the dynamic in your marriage without losing yourself.
If you're ready to break out of the cycle and reconnect without the pressure, join me for my masterclass, The Pressure Free Protocol. You'll get practical steps to help you feel seen, desired, and confident again.
GRAB IT HERE
Wh...
It's Not Your Libido—It's Your Relationship to Pleasure (Why Desire Disappears)
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"I just don't care about sex anymore."
If that thought has crossed your mind, you're not alone—and it might not be about libido at all. In this episode, we explore how pleasure often disappears from everyday life (especially for parents), and why that has a direct impact on desire.
We talk about stress, caretaker mode, and how reconnecting with small moments of enjoyment can start to bring desire back—without pressure or performance.
If you want a simple place to start, check out the Naked Fun Tool...
The Myth of Natural Sex: Why Great Sex Is Actually a Social Skill
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Most couples are walking into their sex life with the same quiet assumption:
If the relationship is good... And if there's love and attraction...Then sex should just work.
And when it doesn't?
It's easy to believe something is wrong—with you, your partner, or the relationship itself.
In this episode, we challenge that belief completely.
Because great sex isn't something you either "have" or you don't.
It's a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned.
We explore:
Wh...The Inner Critic Ruining Your Sex Life
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Ever feel like you're watching yourself during sex instead of actually enjoying it?
In this episode, we're diving into the concept of spectatoring—a form of sexual self-consciousness where you're mentally observing and judging yourself during intimate moments instead of being present in your body.
If you've ever found yourself thinking things like "What do I do with my hands?" or "Do I look weird right now?" you're not alone. These thoughts are incredibly common, and they can seriously interfere with pleasure and connection.
We'll explore where sp...
How to Rebuild Sexual Desire: The Positive Feedback Loop of Great Sex
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What if rebuilding sexual desire wasn't about trying harder — but about changing the experiences your body associates with sex?
In this episode, we explore the concept of the positive feedback loop of great sex and how your nervous system plays a powerful role in whether intimacy feels inviting or overwhelming. When sexual experiences feel safe, pleasurable, and connected, your body begins to associate sex with positive outcomes — making desire easier and more natural over time. But when stress, pressure, resentment, or past negative experiences are present, your body can fall into the...
[RETRO] Ready for More Fun, Play, and Connection? An Invitation to My Signature Program!
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Why does sex after kids suddenly feel so complicated?
Many couples fall into a quiet pattern after becoming parents: one partner keeps initiating, the other starts avoiding, and both end up feeling rejected, pressured, or disconnected.
Over time flirting disappears, intimacy becomes tense, and sex slowly fades out of the relationship.
In this throwback episode of the Sex After Kids Podcast, we unpack one of the most common dynamics couples experience after kids: the initiate–avoid cycle.
You'll learn why this pattern happens, why most ad...
[RETRO EPISODE] 5 Ways Shitty Sex-ed is Messing With Your Sex Life Post Kids
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In this throwback episode of the 'Sex After Kids' podcast, I delve into the significance of sex education and its lasting effects on adult sex lives, particularly after having children. We cover several key points, including the failure of sex education to address pleasure, the importance of self pleasure, the need for detailed anatomical knowledge, and the impact of societal shame on sexual well-being.Â
Go from not tonight to let's stay up late for less than a latte. Sign up now: https://intimacyafterkids.com/roommates-to-romance
Get my 14 day challenge to b...
Stop Fumbling in the Dark: Sex After Kids & Perimenopause (Low Desire, Arousal Changes & Intimacy After Kids)
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If sex after kids feels confusing, inconsistent, or like your body just isn't responding the way it used to — you're not broken.
Many women experience low desire, slower arousal, discomfort during sex, or a loss of libido during perimenopause and after having children. But most couples aren't taught how intimacy changes during this stage of life — so they assume something is wrong with the relationship.
In this episode, we talk about what's actually happening with desire, arousal, and intimacy after kids and during perimenopause — and how to stop fumbling in the...
How to Want Sex Again in Perimenopause — Without Forcing Yourself
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If sex feels like a chore in your 40s or 50s, you're not broken.
In this episode of the Sex After Kids Podcast, we're unpacking why desire disappears during perimenopause — even when love hasn't — and how to reconnect with intimacy without pushing through pain or guilt.
You'll learn:
How hormone shifts impact desire, arousal, and lubricationWhy stress and mental load can shut pleasure downThe "stress-sex loop" that makes everything harder (literally and emotionally)How orgasm can support your health — when it's actually wantedThe one shift that helped me move o...What Really Changes "Down There" After Childbirth and Menopause
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Why does sex feel different after having kids — or in perimenopause and midlife? Flatter, harder, painful, or just... off?
You're not broken. And your body isn't failing you.
In this episode, we talk about what actually happens to your body, brain, and nervous system after childbirth, postpartum, and hormonal shifts — and how to start rebuilding intimacy, even if things feel disconnected.
You'll learn:
Why most of us never learned how our pleasure actually worksWhat changes physically and hormonally after birth and during perimenopauseWhy "low libido" is ofte...Stop Being Quiet in Bed — It's Weird (Here's Why Perfection Kills Pleasure)
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What if the biggest mood killer in your sex life isn't lack of desire, time, or chemistry—but the pressure to be perfect?
In this episode, we're digging into why chasing "perfect sex" actually leads to more awkwardness, less connection, and way less fun. Plus, how to shift from performance mode into curiosity and communication.
We cover:
Why performance anxiety shows up even in long-term relationshipsHow to talk during sex without killing the vibeWhy perfectionism quietly shuts down pleasureWhat it really means to treat sex like a team sp...You're Secretly Sabotaging Your Sex Life (And You Don't Even Know It)
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Welcome to Season 2! We're kicking things off with a hard truth: If sex feels awkward, disconnected, or just plain off, you might be sabotaging your own sex life without realizing it.
In this episode, I'm sharing three traps that quietly kill intimacy — even in the most loving relationships — and what you can do to turn things around.
We'll talk about:
Why "special occasion sex" backfiresThe performance mindset that ruins the momentThe myth of instant arousalWhy mind reading is not a turn-on (spoiler: communication is)Plus, I've...
Season Preview: Make 2026 Your Best Year Together
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Is your relationship feeling more like roommates than romantic partners? You're not alone—and you're not stuck.
In this episode, I'm walking you through the proven framework that's helping couples reconnect and rebuild intimacy in a real, practical way. We'll talk about:
The four phases of intimacy every couple experiencesWhy sex after kids matters more than you think — for your whole familyHow to break out of frustration and get back to each otherThis is the episode for you if you're craving honest conversations, clear steps, and a renewed conn...
When Sex Brings Up Shutdown, Tears, or Rushing, What's Actually Happening
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Have you ever had sex end in shutdown, rushing, or unexpected emotion, and neither of you knew what just happened?
In this intimate episode of the Sex After Kids Podcast, I explore why sex can feel heavy, confusing, or emotionally charged for couples, even when there is love and desire on both sides.
This episode is for you if:
One partner shuts down, goes numb, or gets emotional during sexThe other feels rejected or unsure how to helpSex gets rushed just to get through itA body feels unfamiliar...Why You Feel Unchosen, Unsexy, and Alone (Even in a Good Relationship)
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Why do you feel unchosen, unsexy, and alone, even when your relationship looks "fine"?
If you're the one always initiating hard conversations, tracking emotional distance, or trying to "fix" disconnection... you may be managing the emotional labor of the relationship by yourself.
And over time, that role quietly erodes safety, intimacy, and desire, not because love disappears, but because the mutuality does.
In this final episode of our 4-part Mental Load series, we explore:
What "managing the relationship" actually looks like (hint: it's not just planning...