Please Don't Take Me Home
Please Don’t Take Me Home is a funny, nostalgic football podcast about the joy, misery and glorious absurdity of supporting a club.Hosted by Piers Hewitt, broadcaster, drummer with The Boxer Rebellion and lifelong Southend United fan, and comedian, presenter and Crystal Palace obsessive Jim Daly, each episode welcomes a well-known football fan from the worlds of comedy, music, sport and entertainment.Together, they revisit unforgettable away days, heartbreaking defeats, last-minute winners, lucky superstitions, terrible journeys, questionable scran and the moments that keep supporters coming back season after season.Formerly known as Away Days, Please Don’t Take Me Home...
The Dave Benson Phillips Mystery & the Bald XI: Correspondence Special
Piers and Jim open the postbag for the first ever Please Don’t Take Me Home Correspondence Special.
Listeners provide further evidence in the increasingly troubling Dave Benson Phillips and Chessington mystery, Piers takes a stand against football goals with wheels, and the boys attempt to assemble the ultimate Bald XI.
There are also contrasting away days at Worthing, Beşiktaş and a lower-league game in Mallorca, plus is Jobe Bellingham is “the Phil Neville of the Bellinghams”?
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...Dev from IDLES: The man who gave away 1000 football shirts
IDLES bassist and lifelong Newcastle supporter Adam "Dev" Devonshire joins Piers and Jim to celebrate football shirts, famous goals and the beautiful madness of following a team from the opposite end of the country.
Dev reveals how he amassed a collection of around 1,000 football shirts before giving them all away, remembers seeing Tony Yeboah score one of the greatest goals of the 1990s and explains why he wears Newcastle shirts on stage. He also talks about watching football while touring the world, being related to West Ham legend Alan Devonshire and flying from Bristol to Newcastle...
Annie McGrath is the new Alexis Sanchez
Comedian Annie McGrath joins Piers and Jim to talk about supporting Arsenal, playing up front for Clapton CFC and appearing in Ted Lasso.
Annie remembers Arsenal winning the league while she was backstage at a gig, watching England win the Euros at Wembley with her mum and getting a football tattoo alongside Jill Scott. She also reveals her phobia of half-time oranges and the former coach who compared her to Alexis Sánchez.
Plus, which England manager would make the best James Bond, the footballers Annie would choose as her maid-of-honour and best m...
Doc Brown: Meeting Ian Wright and getting done by Wayne Routledge
Comedian, actor and musician Doc Brown joins Piers and Jim to talk about his lifelong love of Crystal Palace.
Doc remembers Wayne Routledge denying him a goalscoring moment in a charity match, meeting Ian Wright at the end of his street and seeing John Barnes at his first ever football game. He also explains how Three Lions influenced the song he wrote for Palace’s FA Cup final and nominates Stoke as one of football’s most miserable away days.
Plus, the perfect time to score a goal, “Gherkin’s in a pickle” and an imp...
Chesney Hawkes: Timmy Mallett and the West Ham Firm
Singer-songwriter and lifelong West Ham supporter Chesney Hawkes joins Piers and Jim to celebrate the joy, pain and beautiful nonsense of following the Hammers.
Chesney remembers losing 4-0 at Spurs on his first away day, following West Ham home and away throughout the 1980s and performing for 50,000 supporters before the Conference League final in Prague. He also reveals why Matt Le Tissier keeps turning up at his gigs, attempts to build a touring band from former footballers and introduces us to the fearsome West Ham hard man known as The Mallet.
Plus, naming...
Who Is the Greatest Bald Footballer Ever? With Woody
Former Away Days co-host and Bastille drummer Woody returns to find out what Piers and Jim have done to the place.
They look back at England’s World Cup campaign, before Piers makes the horrifying discovery that neither Jim nor Woody watched the Mexico game live. There is also an examination of a vintage Billericay shirt, some shameless Wembley bragging and an important debate about the greatest bald footballer of all time.
Plus, the remarkable 34-year playing career of Barry Hayles, the footballers they first spotted in public, Dave Benson Phillips at Chessington’s re...
Alfie Dundas: Ben White would be my Best Man
Comedian and Arsenal fan Alfie Dundas joins Piers and Jim to answer the important questions: how much prison time would he serve to attend the 1966 World Cup final, which footballer would make the best man at his wedding, and how did anyone celebrate before the invention of the high-five?
Alfie assembles the ultimate footballer stag do, explains why being Jobe Bellingham would be dreadful, reviews the podcast’s questionable commitment to discussing football and reflects on the best and worst matches he has witnessed at the Emirates.
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Chloe Petts: “I’d Be a Corrupt Referee”
Comedian, Taskmaster contestant and lifelong Crystal Palace supporter Chloe Petts joins Piers Hewitt and Jim Daly to celebrate FA Cup glory, mysterious Roy Hodgson sightings and living on a desert island with Paul Scholes.
Chloe explains why she trained to become a referee before deciding the job required too much “cop energy” and reveals how corrupt she would be if asked to run the line at Palace.
She also relives the overwhelming emotion of watching Palace finally win the FA Cup, remembers the Arsenal defeat that taught her about boundaries and self-esteem, and Jim...
Alex Horne: Liverpool might be my Mummy
Taskmaster creator Alex Horne joins Jim Daly and Piers Hewitt at Chesham United for the first-ever episode of Please Don’t Take Me Home, the new name for Away Days with Woody and Piers.
Alex reveals how a Taskmaster event led to him joining the club’s board, why he thinks football is “90% dull” and whether Chesham now means more to him than Liverpool. He also picks his dream football Taskmaster line-up, recalls the club’s famous FA Cup giant-killing and explains how he was stood up by Peter Crouch.
Meanwhile, Jim reveals the Egg Un...
Please Don't Take Me Home Trailer
Please Don’t Take Me Home is a football podcast about the day, not the game.
Each week, Piers Hewitt and Jim Daly are joined by a notable football fan to celebrate the joy, pain and beautiful nonsense of supporting a team, from unforgettable matches and disastrous away days to pies, pints and questionable decisions.
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Hosted by Piers Hewitt and Jim Daly
Musi...
End of season wrap up, with Producer Will
It’s the final Away Days of the season and Producer Will steps out from behind the laptop to join Woody and Piers for a chaotic look back at the year. There’s talk of Southend’s Wembley glory and managerial heartbreak, Plymouth away days in the spring sunshine, and whether seeing Wealdstone four times in one season should be legally allowed.
The lads revisit some of the best stories from the series so far, including Joey Page’s hellish trip to Madrid, Charlie Baker’s Babacombe Model Village campaign, Terry Alderton’s unbelievable Marc Bosnich story, and the ongo...
Jon Beer - Is this the bleakest away day of all time?
This week, Woody and Piers are joined by Jon Beer, Exeter City fan and co-host of You Don’t Know What You’re Doing, for one of the bleakest away day stories the show has ever heard.
There’s plenty on lower-league obsession, Devon derby anxiety, Ollie Watkins pride, fan-owned football, why nobody needs a “Prem team”, and the strange burden of caring far too much about 11 men in shorts. Jon also explains why his family once travelled to Wembley during Covid to watch Exeter lose a play-off final on a laptop outside the stadium.
A truly he...
From the San Siro to Penrith - Felix White (Part Two)
Felix White returns for part two, taking Woody and Piers from the San Siro’s terrifyingly organised ultras to Penrith’s very accommodating chairman, via MK Dons vs AFC Wimbledon, FA Cup romance, away goals, train etiquette, service station literature and why being a Fulham fan feels very different to being a cricket fan.
There’s also playoff heartbreak for Piers, end-of-season maths for Woody, a cow-based football injury, David Platt appreciation, and a question every football fan needs to worry about: home games or away days forever?
Get Felix's incredible book here
Please d...
Felix White Hates Man United, Loves Fulham (Part One)
Felix White joins Woody and Piers for Part 1 of a brilliant chat about Fulham, first away days, Craven Cottage, the strange comfort of supporting a club that lets you suffer properly, and why football can explain who you are before you’ve even worked it out yourself.
Before that, Piers is deep in playoff anxiety, Woody is doing mathematical gymnastics, and the boys relive the chaos, limbs and full-body drama of Rochdale v York City, possibly the greatest away day of all time.
Part 2 with Felix continues next week.
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The A to Z of Away Days - J - St Johnstone, Juventus and Jamshedpur
This week, Piers and Woody take the letter J to some very interesting places.
First up it is St Johnstone, where the chat includes Perth, purpose-built stadiums, questionable celebrity fans and the sort of away day logistics that can make or break a Scottish football weekend.
Then it is on to Turin and Juventus, with grand history, glamour, Notts County roots, and the very real possibility of Piers accidentally planning an Italian minibreak entirely around pasta classes and Irish pubs.
And then things head to India. Thanks to former player Peter Hartley, the...
Is the Emirates full of hot air? With James Gardner
Comedian and Celtic fan James Gardner joins Woody and Piers to share his love for the SPL, disdain for Arsenal's lack of atmosphere (and it's hot air policy) and talks about the time he completed away days.
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From Bedford to United with Matt Donnelly (Don Broco)
Woody and Piers are joined by fellow drummer, Matt Donnelly, from Don Broco. Matt is a Bedford born Manchester United fan, but don't let that put you off! The episode is still full of fun stories from Coventry to LA. Enjoy!
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Producer - Will Nich...
The A to Z of Away Days - I - Inter, Ipswich and Inverness
Woody and Piers jump back on their alphabetical away days journey, this time taking on Inter Milan, Ipswich Town (with help from Ed from The Editors) and Inverness & Caledonian Thistle.
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Taking your foreign exchange student to Stockport - Jim Daly (Part Two)
It's part two of our Palace love in with the wonderful Jim Daly!
Check out https://www.jimdalycomedy.com/ for all things Jim.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Producer - Will Nichols
Production Company - Lock It In Studio
Artwork - St...
Scarf swapping with Jim Daly (Part One)
Stand up, podcast host, all-round-good-guy and Palace fan Jim Daly joins Woody and Piers for part one of this bumper episode of Away Days.
With Palace riding the European wave right now, Jim is living his best away day life, swapping scarves (or trying to) with the best of Europe.
He's also got some stories from the mean streets of Chesham, and a very impressive knowledge of the Spice Girls' football preferences.
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The A to Z of Away Days - H - Hereford, Hearts & Hertha Berlin
Woody and Piers are back on the alphabet road trip, this time paying homage to Hereford FC, Hearts and Hertha Berlin.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Producer - Will Nichols
Production Company - Lock It In Studio
Artwork - Stuart Byford, David Shields, Charlie Thomas
Learn more abou...
Return of the Mac, an FA Cup Special with Ross from The 1975
Ross MacDonald from The 1975 returns to the podcast to talk about Macclesfield’s remarkable FA Cup run this season. Ross was there for the huge win against holders Crystal Palace, and he relives the atmosphere, the euphoria and what the cup run has meant for the club and its supporters.
He also chats to Piers and Woody about an epic charity cycle ride he has coming up and plenty more besides.
Click here to sponsor Ross
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F...
Why James Graham from The Twilight Sad shaved his head after losing a game
This week, James Graham from The Twilight Sad joins Piers and Woody to talk Aberdeen, loyalty and full circle moments. A lifelong Dons fan who grew up in Glasgow, James recently moved back to Aberdeen for his family and for football, with the club now woven even deeper into his life.
He reflects on Aberdeen’s Scottish Cup win last year, the heartbreak of a previous final that saw him shave his hair off, and how going to games has taken on a completely new meaning now he’s taking his two young lads along.
We a...
Playing cricket with Spider-Man, with Barnaby Slater
This week, comedian, writer and football content creator Barnaby Slater joins Piers and Woody for a chat. Barnaby talks about supporting Tottenham, a memorable trip to Florence, how the under 11s game has changed since his playing days, and a cricket tour with Andrew Garfield.
He and Piers also bond over a shared love of football VHS tapes, reliving the strange joy of watching goals and gaff compilations.
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United fans draw the line at beating up kids, with The Wombats
Dan and Tord from The Wombats join Woody and Piers to chat about Manchester United, Everton and beyond.
Discussions include scaring kids, unlikely injuries and an embarrassing moment where Tord forgets losing the FA Cup final in 95.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
P...
Ditching Newcastle for Banbury with Matt Bragg (groundsman, sponsor, comedian)
Woody and Piers are joined by former Newcastle fan turned Banbury United sponsor.
Matt talks about getting drunk at an Indian and taking his kit off in Plymouth and how he came to be a sometime groundsman at Banbury.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Producer - Will Nichols
P...
Eating dinner in a football fish tank, with Andy Bush
This week, Andy Bush joins Piers and Woody. Best known from Guestimators, Scarred For Life and Absolute Radio, Andy is a lifelong Everton fan and has plenty to say about the move from Goodison Park to the new Hill Dickinson Stadium, comparing old memories with shiny new realities and picking apart some of the flaws along the way.
The conversation also drifts through Andy’s deep love for Everton and his general disdain for pretty much all other football. Plus chat about Canvey Island, watching players in the tunnel whilst you eat and more.
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The A-Z of Away Days - G - Gibraltar, Galatasaray and Gillingham
Woody and Piers jump back into the alphabet, this time with the classic combo of Galatasaray, Gillingham and the wonderful Gibraltar football league.
There's also an update on the worst team in English football and a truly nightmarish away day weekend for one of our listeners.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Marc Bosnich and one million pounds in cash, with Terry Alderton, the oldest person to sign for a club
This week, comedian Terry Alderton joins Piers and Woody to talk about his lifelong love of Southend United, a club he not only supports but once signed for.
Terry shares some wonderfully surreal stories from around the game, including an extraordinary tale involving Marc Bosnich and a million pounds in cash.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Terrible football themed presents and some of the worst football games ever
Woody and Piers are back for '26, delving into some of the truly terrible football related presents money can buy and discussing some of the worst games people have been to. Plus, another toilet story from Piers.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Producer - Will Nichols
Production Company - Lock It In Studio
A...
The worst away day ever? With Joey Page
This week, comedian and Spurs fan Joey Page joins Piers and Woody for one of the wildest Away Days yet. Joey is the other half of the Got A Problem Mate podcast and arrives with what might be the worst away day story we have ever heard, a truly hellish trip to Madrid via Zaragoza that goes rapidly downhill.
Thankfully, there is balance too. Joey relives one of his best football trips, travelling to the Euros in Germany in a camper van with his mates, and shares a brilliantly filthy coach journey up to Newcastle.
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Bilal Zafar - Maulings, tonkings and Arsenal
This episode, stand up, writer, actor, Pro Evo twitcher and Arsenal season ticket holder Bilal Zafar joins Piers and Woody for a chat.
Bilal co-hosts the brilliant Got A Problem Mate (GAPM) podcast, and although he has not clocked up loads of away trips, the ones he has done come with brilliant stories from Ewood Park, the Etihad and beyond.
The lads also get into the awkwardness of seeing the people you sit near at football out in the real world, and they try to decide once and for all whether a tonking is bigger...
The A to Z of Away Days - F - Fleetwood, Fiorentina and Fortuna Dusseldorf
It's our first foray into the alphabet this season, and we are talking all things F.
From Fleetwood Town to Fiorentina, with a stop-over at Fortuna Dusseldorf. We've got some cracking reviews of Fleetwood's stadium, Highbury, and we discuss the misfortunes of Fortuna.
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Hosts - Chris "Woody" Wood and Piers Hewitt
Producer...
Welcome to Wrexham (Before it got cool) with Bryn Law
This week, broadcaster and lifelong Wrexham fan Bryn Law joins Piers and Woody for a heartfelt and funny trip through his years on the road. Bryn talks with real passion about following Wrexham long before Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney made it cool, reporting on Leeds through their highs and lows, and the time he got carsick on the way to the City Ground for a match that ended up being postponed anyway.
He also shares tales from a weekend in Amsterdam with a brutal final result, and reflects on what it means to back your club...
Inside Football’s Biggest Divide with Twin Atlantic
Away Days welcomes its first ever double guests as Ross McNae and Sam McTrusty from Twin Atlantic join Woody and Piers. Ross is Celtic, Sam is Rangers, and somehow the two of them manage to keep things civil as they trade stories about football, touring and beyond.
Piers recalls travelling to Oldham with a stranger he met on the internet, Sam reveals the extreme lengths he once went to during a Twin Atlantic show to avoid hearing a Rangers result, and the lads compare derby loyalties with life on the road. Plus, there is another update from...
Strong Bladders, Gladiators and Brantham Ultras: Guy Mowbray’s Away Day Stories
Football (and Gladiators) commentary legend Guy Mowbray joins Woody and Piers for a proper away-day chat. A lifelong York City F.C. fan (living within walking distance from his club), Guy opens up on the realities of commentating from old-school stadium gantries (and his strong bladder), why taking his daughter to a 0-0 can still feel like magic, how his garden ended up with stadium seats and the moment José Mourinho surprised Marine during an FA Cup tie.
Plus we hear from our resident Brantham fan.
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...JJ Bull on Aberdeen, defending half and half scarves and lightning red cards
Writer, musician and "Scottish internet man" JJ Bull joins Woody and Piers for an Aberdeen-flavoured Away Days. JJ talks about the benefits of working the food stalls at Pittodrie, gets defensive about half and half scarves, and discusses the craft of turning niche football references into viral smashes, and the beautiful nonsense of quickfire red cards.
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Matt from The Amazons on Reading, the legend of Michael Owen and walkout anthems
Reading through and through. Matt Thomson from The Amazons joins Woody and Piers to talk hometown loyalty, away days and why Michael Owen still lives rent free in his head. Matt explains how Reading walk out to The Amazons’ “Black Magic,” and compares an away end to a Springsteen gig. There are stories from Stoke, Watford and a soul-sapping Coventry 0–0, ground-ticking rules, Barcelona dreams, Boca v River and a chat about old stadiums versus new.
The band are on tour now, with dates including London’s Roundhouse, Manchester, Leeds, Glasgow and more. Check out their website for more detai...
Wetsuits, Peter Shilton and model villages with Charlie Baker
Comedian and presenter Charlie Baker joins Woody and Piers for a gloriously chaotic episode of Away Days.
A proud Torquay United fan, Charlie reveals his campaign to get Torquay reinstated at Wembley… inside a local model village. He also explains why he no longer eats gluten (spoiler: it involves a wetsuit), swaps wild West Country stories with Woody, and recalls an unforgettable week in Argentina with England legend Peter Shilton.
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...James Threlfall: Banging buses at Bayer Leverkusen, F1 down the pub and losing more than just your luggage
This episode, the lads are joined by broadcaster, DJ and presenter James Threlfall MBE. Known for his work with the BBC, 433 Football and Formula 1, James has travelled the world covering some of the biggest events in sport and culture.
He chats about how his love for Tottenham Hotspur came later in life, the time he lost both his luggage and his dignity on an away trip, and why Carnival mixed with football in Cologne is one of his all-time favourite experiences.
The trio also dive into James’s inspiring new podcast Sports Greatest Underdogs, which ce...
