The ADHD Channel for Women

Are you mad at me? It’s a question “Hyperfocus” host Rae Jacobson has asked more times than she can count.

So when Rae saw a book with that exact title, she was a little unnerved. The book is by psychotherapist Meg Josephson, and it’s about the fawn response: a survival instinct that can look like people-pleasing.

In this conversation, Meg breaks down what fawning is and why it’s hard to spot — and even harder to stop doing

Meg explains how fawning overlaps with (but isn’t identical to) rejection sensitive dysphoria and w...

Research shows that girls with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience intimate partner violence.

Dr. Emily Rothman, who recently published a study on dating violence in neurodivergent youth, joins Cate to talk about what the research actually shows.

They discuss why ADHD symptoms might make it harder to recognize abuse. They also cover how to tell ordinary relationship conflict from patterns of coercive control.

Cate and Emily talk openly about why leaving is rarely a single decision, and how to support a friend or family member who’s trying to get out. Th...

Podcaster PJ Vogt has talked about his ADHD for years. Casually. Almost cheerfully. Then things changed. He decided to go off his ADHD medication, and he found the neuropsych report from when he was 13. It didn’t say what he thought.

On this episode of Hyperfocus, PJ, who’s spent his entire career making some of the most popular podcasts around – like Reply All and Search Engine — talks about his journey to understand his own brain. And how when he reread that old assessment, he found something messier than the story he’d been telling himself. 

Host Rae...

Ever been called selfish or a narcissist when you were trying your best? Some ADHD behaviors can look like narcissism from the outside: Interrupting, forgetting an important date, missing social cues, or talking at length about something you’re hyperfocused on can make it seem like you don’t care. But the behavior and the intention don’t always match.

Licensed psychologist Dr. J explains what narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, actually is, and why diagnosing it takes a full clinical evaluation, not an online checklist. Research suggests that for many adults with ADHD, the feeling of empathy...

Kink isn’t required to get something real out of a power dynamic. And for ADHD brains, it might be more than you’d expect

Sex and relationship coach Amanda Dames — The Kink Consultant — joins the show to talk about power dynamics and what dominance and submission can actually offer neurodivergent relationships once the stigma gets stripped away. Amanda and Cate start with the basics: what a power dynamic is, why it’s a negotiated role-play and not a real transfer of power, and how submission can function as agency rather than its opposite. 

From there, the...

Some weeks you can handle anything. Then, seemingly overnight, everything feels impossible. Your mood. Your focus. Your patience with yourself. If that shift keeps landing the same week of your cycle, it might not just be PMS.

In this episode, Dr. J — a licensed psychologist who works with people with ADHD — breaks down premenstrual dysphoric disorder. PMDD, a diagnosis recognized in the DSM-5-TR, goes well beyond typical PMS and shows up disproportionately in women with ADHD. Research suggests that 31–46% of women with ADHD also meet criteria for PMDD. And the overlap isn’t a coincidence. Both ADHD and PM...

In this episode, a complex conversation about ADHD, femininity, gender, and why talking about the hard stuff is important.

Cate sits down with Rae Jacobson, host of Understood.org’s Hyperfocus podcast, journalist, and a producer on this show. They talk about something they’ve both struggled to name: the collision between ADHD, femininity, and gender expression. They dig into what it felt like to watch other girls “get it.” The tidiness. The calm. The effortlessness. All things that executive dysfunction made feel out of reach. 

They talk about the pressure to be nurturing, organized, and endle...

If you’ve been seeing AuDHD everywhere online and wondering if it might describe you, you’ve come to the right place. What does it actually mean to have both ADHD and autism? Dr. J breaks down where these two conditions overlap, where they diverge, and why so many people are recognizing themselves in this label for the first time. We cover shared traits, what AuDHD can feel like day to day, and how to know when it’s time to talk to a professional about diagnosis.

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Your smartwatch tracks your steps and your pulse. Soon, devices like it could track your brainwaves, and even tell if the wearer is neurodivergent.

Brain-monitoring wearables that purport to help with focus, sleep, and even ADHD are already being sold online. This is called “neurotechnology,” and it’s a fast-moving market with almost zero regulation. Stephen Damianos of the Neurorights Foundation joins us to unpack the potential promise — and dangers — of this emerging technology. We discuss the unique risks it poses for neurodivergent people, and why your brain data might be the most valuable, and least protected, informatio...

We recorded our first-ever live show in front of a studio audience! Emmy Award–winning writer, director, and producer Adam Reid, co-creator of “Tiny Chef,” joined Cate to talk about ADHD creativity: what works, what doesn’t, when to dig in, when to let things go, and why finishing things isn't always the point.

Adam talked candidly about being diagnosed with ADHD at 45, after years of building an Emmy-winning creative career without knowing why his brain worked the way it did. And he and Cate shared how they make it work (or not) as neurodivergent creators. Check it out!<...

Why do small unfairnesses hit some people so much harder? Dr. J breaks down justice sensitivity: The intense reaction to perceived wrongdoing that’s especially common in ADHD and AuDHD brains. Learn about the four types of justice sensitivity, why emotional dysregulation, hyperfocus, and impulsivity make it stronger, and how lived experience shapes it. Plus, practical in-the-moment and long-term strategies to channel your sense of fairness — without burning out or blowing up.

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Many people with inattentive ADHD feel like something is missing from their diagnosis. That missing piece might be cognitive disengagement syndrome, or CDS: a cluster of symptoms including daydreaming, confusion, daytime sleepiness, and more.

CDS isn’t officially its own disorder. But scientists and clinicians are beginning to recognize it as something distinct from ADHD — though it often overlaps.

Pediatric psychologist Melissa Miller explains how CDS differs from ADHD, what it looks like, and why it’s linked to anxiety and depression. She also shares early research on treatment, plus the strengths that may come with it...

Ever notice your ADHD brain gets a little too excited during an argument? Like you’re not even mad anymore, you’re just... having a really good time being right? Yeah. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not a great one.

In this mailbag episode of Sorry, I Missed This, host Cate Osborn is digging into questions from our Understood Facebook group

Our amazing listeners wrote in (and had the chance to win a copy of Cate’s new book, The ADHD Field Guide for Adults). In this episode Cate tackles questions like how t...

“You’re not living up to your potential.” If those words have haunted you, you’re not alone — and the story you’ve been telling yourself about why might be wrong.

Dr. J breaks down two patterns she sees in her ADHD clients: the person who checked out after years of “you’re smart, you just don’t apply yourself”; and the high achiever whose color-coded planners are hiding total exhaustion. 

She digs into research on ADHD and perfectionism, and why so many women spend decades masking or overachieving without ever getting a diagnosis.

Then, five concrete...

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships — and for people with ADHD, it comes with an extra layer of shame most people don’t talk about.

Cate sits down with Dr. Christine Hargrove, a financial therapist who specializes in ADHD, to unpack why money fights escalate so fast, why who’s the “mental load carrier” matters more than who earns more, and why people with ADHD often give better financial advice to their friends than they follow themselves.

Christine breaks down the concept of “money meaning” — the idea that when couples fight about spen...

Does replying to a text feel harder than it should? Or do you struggle when someone reminds you to do something you were already planning to do? In this episode, Dr. J breaks down the real science behind ADHD avoidance: how the nervous system mistakes tasks for threats, why perfectionism makes starting feel risky, and what actually happens in your brain before a shutdown. Plus, practical strategies to interrupt the avoidance loop without shame, force, or another failed to-do list.

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Fidget toys, like NeeDohs, are sold out and  banned in classrooms. Journalist Anna North joins us to unpack how fidget toys went from gag gifts to a generational obsession, and what that shift reveals about neurodivergence, attention, and play. Plus, fidget toys are not just for kids. We look at how they are destigmatizing fidgeting for neurodivergent adults. And we dig into the science behind fidgeting, the history of the fidget spinner, and whether this wave of acceptance for sensory needs will survive. 

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Ever feel like you’re the “parent” in your relationship — managing everything while your partner just... coasts? You’re not alone. And it’s not just you being controlling. 

Host Cate Osborn talks with ADHD coach Kristen Carder (host of I Have ADHD, author of the upcoming You’re Not in Trouble) about why ADHD relationships so easily slide into parent-child dynamics, and how to climb back out.

They get into why resentment is the red flag to watch for, and Kristen’s favorite mantra for “de-centering” an overfunctioning partner (“there is no sun — we’re equals here”). Plus eldes...

Boredom isn’t just annoying for ADHD brains. It can feel unbearable, even painful. Dr. J breaks down the real science behind why: dopamine sensitivity, warped time perception, and an overactive default mode network. 

Learn why boredom fuels doomscrolling, impulsive spending, avoidance spirals, and relationship friction. Then get four practical strategies to work with your brain instead of against it, from micro-rewards to environmental design to building genuine boredom tolerance.

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Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder? 

Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore. 

They talk about why impulsivity in ADHD adults rarely looks like the textbook version (hi, compulsive shopping and 3 a.m. tattoo urges). How shame and anxiety make executive function worse. And why learning to work...

Family vacations are supposed to be fun. So why do they feel like a project you can’t stop managing?

If you have ADHD, travel is basically a multi-day test of your executive functions. Between planning paralysis, sensory overload, sleep disruptions, and lack of routine, vacations can leave you feeling more stressed than refreshed. And the strain can be even worse for women, who tend to carry a disproportionate amount of the mental load for a family.

In preparation for your Independence Day travels, Dr. J breaks down exactly why trips are so draining for ADH...

If your ADHD symptoms have spiked out of nowhere, perimenopause might be the culprit. Estrogen plays a direct role in dopamine regulation. When it fluctuates, your focus, memory, and emotional regulation take the hit. 

This episode breaks down exactly what’s happening in your brain, why the strategies that used to work may be failing you now, and how to adjust your support system for this stage of life.

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For a transcript and more resources, visit The ADHD Channel for Wom...

If you have ADHD, you’re probably exhausted — and there’s a real neurological reason for it. Sleep expert Marlee Boyle, co-founder of Sleep Works, joins us to explain why ADHD brains are wired against a good night’s rest. Plus how perimenopause can make it worse. She walks us through CBT-I techniques, the truth about melatonin, and some surprisingly low-tech tools that can fix your circadian rhythm. If you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, this one is for you.

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Did you know that women with ADHD consume explicit fiction at dramatically higher rates than neurotypical women — and there’s a neurological reason?

Dr. Erika Miley is a licensed mental health counselor, certified sex therapist, and author of the only dissertation published on ADHD and women’s sexuality. After surveying over 2,000 participants, one thing kept surfacing: smut. Romantasy, explicit romance, audio erotica — all of it.

In this episode, she explains why the ADHD brain is uniquely drawn to literary erotica, how smut raises the arousal threshold enough to sustain focus, and why neurodivergent women are using it f...

Do you feel like too much in social situations — and somehow also not enough? Socializing with ADHD or AuDHD can feel like a minefield. There are the impulsive comments. The missed cues and oversharing. And then the post-hang crash. In this episode, Dr. J breaks down what’s happening in the ADHD brain that makes socializing harder. And she offers practical strategies for creating stronger connections without the overwhelm, anxiety, or burnout. Whether you mask, steamroll, or avoid entirely, this episode helps you socialize on your own terms.

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Today’s episode is a crossover with Understood’s new podcast, Everyone Gets a Juice Box. Host Jessica Shaw interviewed Rae about something she rarely discusses on Hyperfocus: Being a mom to a fabulous kid with ADHD. Even with Rae’s 20 years of experience studying and writing about ADHD, getting help for her child in school has been really challenging. Here’s how she’s supporting her daughter while they wait for school services.

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Is ADHD self-diagnosis valid? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer, that’s the wrong question entirely. When access to diagnosis is limited by cost, insurance, stigma, and identity — and when the people who self-diagnose show higher rates of negative self-image and internalized stigma — the real conversation isn’t about validity. It’s about how we make sure people have access to good information.

Cate and Dr. Kilmer dig into what really happens when people research their own neurodivergence. They discuss research analyzing 452,000 Reddit posts that found self-diagnosed individuals seek more social validation. But they benefit less from it.

Content warning: This episode discusses self-harm and suicide.

ADHD doesn’t cause self-harm, but the research is clear: People with ADHD — especially women and girls — are significantly more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors, especially during adolescence. 

Why is ADHD so closely linked to self-harm? In this episode, Dr. J breaks down how the core features of ADHD — impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, sleep disruption, and difficulty with the “pause button” — can create a perfect storm for dangerous coping. She explains why big emotions hit harder and faster with ADHD, and how that can lead to self-harming behaviors.

Dr...

What if your brain had a volume knob? Researcher Dr. Zachary Gershon joins Rae to explain Homer1a, a gene variant that may hold the key to how we focus. When levels are lower during development, the brain gets better at filtering out distractions, or what scientists call “neural noise.” This discovery could one day lead to non-stimulant treatment options for ADHD. And it started with one scientist’s very personal question.

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If your home has ever felt like it’s working against you, this one’s for you. Certified professional organizer Alison Lush joins the show to unpack the ADHD relationship to stuff. Learn what chronic disorganization actually means, why the Marie Kondo method can backfire, and how to build systems that work with your brain. We also get into the emotional weight of clutter, organizing as a couples issue, and why community might be the most underrated tool of all.

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ADHD doesn’t clock out at bedtime. From delayed sleep phases and racing thoughts to stimulant timing and restless nights, sleep disruption is one of the most common (and most overlooked) challenges of living with ADHD. Plus, poor sleep makes every ADHD symptom worse! 

In this episode, Dr. J breaks down why ADHD and sleep don’t always get along. And she shares five science-backed strategies to help you finally get some rest.

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Rae puts on her most uncomfortable pants (on purpose!) to ask a fashion designer and former special ed teacher whether adults can actually get over sensory issues. Julia DeNey, founder of sensory clothing brand Sense-ational You, breaks down why tactile sensitivity doesn’t disappear at 18, what adaptive fashion can (and can’t) fix, and why telling yourself “today’s the day I get over it” is the worst possible strategy.

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Laura Mears-Reynolds, founder of ADHDAF and an award-winning community organizer, joins Cate to talk about online communication, building connection, and staying in touch when you have ADHD. They dig into rejection sensitive dysphoria and miscommunication, object permanence with people, time blindness in relationships — and why online community can be genuinely life-saving. Plus: the great voice memo debate, and why your calendar reminder system for friends is not sociopathic.

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Marijuana can feel like a miracle fix for ADHD, quieting the noise and taking the edge off. But this short-term relief comes with trade-offs. In this episode, Dr. J breaks down why ADHD brains are drawn to weed, what the research actually says about the long-term consequences, and healthier alternatives. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re self-medicating, this one’s worth your attention.

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For a transcript and more resources, visit MissUnderstood on Understood.org. You can also email us at podc...

Hyperfocus listener Jenna Plonsky opens a raw conversation about ADHD, late diagnosis, and the mental health struggles many women face in silence. 

From postpartum depression to PMDD, this episode explores how hormonal shifts intersect with neurodivergence — and why so many go undiagnosed for decades. It’s an honest look at shame, self-perception, and the turning point that comes with finally understanding your brain.

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For a transcript and more resources, visit Hyperfocus on Unders...

Content warning: This episode discusses self-harm. 

What does it actually take to finish a book with ADHD? 

Cate sits down with Erik Gude, her co-author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to unpack five years of starts, stops, and persistence. They get into taking advantage of accessibility options and overcoming the shame of looming, unfinished projects to get this one done. 

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For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Unders...

Every year, tax season arrives on schedule. Every year, you scramble to track down bank statements, W2s, receipts, and… UGH. If you have ADHD, that’s not laziness. It’s your brain working against a task it wasn’t built for. Procrastination, forgetfulness, overwhelm, and shame stack up fast. 

In this episode, Dr. J breaks down why taxes are so hard for the ADHD brain — and walks through practical systems to turn the annual chaos into a manageable to-do.

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Our team has been seeing something called “ring of fire” ADHD spreading across the internet. It’s a supposed subtype of ADHD promoted by Daniel Amen, a celebrity psychiatrist with clinics in multiple states and a huge online following.

But in reporting this episode, we found that “ring of fire” ADHD isn’t recognized by mainstream science. Nor are brain scans approved by the FDA as a diagnostic tool for ADHD.

Our guest today, clinical psychologist Roberto Olivardia, PhD, explains why he believes Dr. Amen’s approach is unethical — and how it may lead to real harm for pati...

As we know, Reddit is full of messy love stories, and we have thoughts. 

From gaslighting and age gaps to the weird magic of “new relationship energy,” we read posts that make us laugh, cringe, and wonder — can memory be used as a weapon in a relationship?

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For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org.

Getting your child the supp...

For people with ADHD, guilt can feel like a full-time job you never signed up for. 

In this episode, Dr. J digs into why your brain keeps hitting replay on minor mistakes, why “I shouldn’t have said that” can echo for hours, and how emotional overdrive makes tiny errors feel enormous. 

You’ll get clear strategies to pause, notice patterns, and respond without spiraling. 

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