Healing CPTSD
Healing CPTSD is a podcast dedicated to healing from childhood trauma and complex PTSD. Join your host, Bianca Winter-Mallari, a trauma informed counsellor, somatic therapist, founder of Embodied Self Therapy and fellow childhood trauma survivor. Here we’ll explore the nuanced world of trauma, unpacking topics such as toxic family systems, intergenerational trauma, attachment, dissociation and shame. We’ll also explore pathways to recovery through somatics and embodiment, nervous system regulation, parts work, community and trauma informed care.
103. How I Healed My Relationship With My Parent
In this episode, I share my personal journey of healing and rebuilding my relationship with a parent after years of no contact. We explore acceptance, managing expectations, and setting emotional boundaries, and how healing can sometimes happen through new experiences of connection rather than revisiting the past. I also reflect on why reconciliation isn't always possible or necessary, and learning to relate to a parent without abandoning yourself.
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102. Healing After a Toxic Relationship
In this episode, I’m sharing what helped me heal after leaving a toxic relationship, from allowing myself to grieve and leaning on my support system to rebuilding self trust, learning to enjoy my own company and reconnecting with who I am outside of a relationship. If you’re navigating a breakup and finding your way back to yourself, I hope this episode helps you feel less alone.
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101. Building a Healthy Relationship After Trauma | What I’m Learning
In this personal episode, I’m sharing what I’ve been learning about building a healthy relationship after trauma, including vulnerability, interdependence, triggers, uncertainty and letting someone truly matter to you. I also explore why you don’t have to be fully healed to experience healthy love.
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100. Celebrating 100 Episodes! (And Some Important Updates)
In this special episode, I’m sharing my gratitude for everyone who has listened, supported and connected with the podcast over the past two years. I’m also sharing some important updates about Embodied Self Therapy, including changes to my one to one availability, new ways to work with me, a 50% discount on my resources, and a new fortnightly rhythm for the podcast. Thank you for being here!
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99. Why Your Relationships Change When You Start Healing
In this episode, I'm talking about why some relationships deepen, why others fall away, and why relational healing isn’t always about setting boundaries or cutting people off. We explore intimacy, vulnerability, repair, self trust and learning how to stay connected to yourself while being connected to someone else.
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98. The Fawn Response & Appeasement
In this episode, we explore the fawn response and why agreement doesn’t always mean consent. We unpack how fawning and appeasement can become survival strategies, how power dynamics shape them, and what healing can look like when it comes to saying no, tolerating tension, and staying connected to yourself.
Article: When Agreement is Not Consent. Appeasement is the trauma response no one is talking about.
By Rae Johnson and Nkem Ndefo
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97. Don't Ignore The Basics
This week on Healing CPTSD, we explore the foundations of healing from complex trauma and why the basics matter. We unpack sleep, movement, nourishment, connection, nature, and meaning, and how trauma can disconnect us from our body’s needs. We also look at why therapy is only one part of healing and how small changes can support recovery.
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96. The Nervous System Trap: When Healing Becomes Another Thing to Achieve
This week, we explore the nervous system regulation trap: when healing becomes another productivity project. We unpack why being regulated all the time was never the goal, how self-awareness can become hypervigilance, and when regulation tools become another form of avoidance. We also look at systemic stress and what a more human approach to healing can look like: flexibility, capacity, embodiment, and actually living your life.
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95. Inside The Therapy Session: What I Actually Help Clients With
In this episode, we explore what trauma therapy actually looks like beyond simply talking about your childhood. We unpack the three core parts of the healing process: processing past experiences with safety and compassion, moving from insight into embodied healing through nervous system regulation, and reconnecting with who you are beyond survival mode.
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94. Who My Work Is For + How To Know You're Ready For Therapy
In this episode, we explore how to know if you're ready for therapy, what makes a therapeutic relationship the right fit, and how trauma-informed therapy helps you move beyond insight into lasting healing. I also share who I tend to work with, who my approach isn't for, and what you can expect from working together.
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93. Why You're Not Seeing Progress In Therapy
In this episode, we explore why you can spend months or even years in therapy and still feel stuck, the seven most common reasons healing can plateau, how to recognise when insight has become your comfort zone, why real change happens through practice and integration between sessions, and what meaningful progress in trauma recovery actually looks like.
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92. Self-Awareness Alone Isn't Enough (The Missing Pieces To Your Healing)
In this episode, we explore why self-awareness is only the beginning of trauma healing, why understanding your patterns doesn't automatically change them, and how embodiment and integration help you finally create lasting change. We unpack why you can know exactly why you react the way you do and still feel stuck in the same patterns, how awareness can sometimes become another survival strategy, and what it really takes to create lasting change in your nervous system.
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91. Not Seeking Support Is Costing You Your Life
In this episode of Healing CPTSD, we'll be talking about why so many trauma survivors struggle to ask for help and how hyper-independence, avoidance, and the fear of opening up can keep us stuck in survival mode. We also explore why some people have been hurt in therapy, the importance of trauma-informed support, and what becomes possible when healing happens through safety, relationship, and learning to receive help.
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90. Why High Functioning Trauma Is So Hard To Spot
In this episode of Healing CPTSD, we'll be talking about high-functioning trauma, why so many trauma survivors look like they have it all together while feeling disconnected, exhausted, or numb inside, and how survival mode can hide behind traits like independence, productivity, and people pleasing. We explore how trauma shapes our identity, why healing isn't about becoming a perfect version of yourself, and how embodiment, boundaries, rest, and self-connection can help you start landing back in your life again.
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89. Agency: Is Life Happening To You or For You?
In this episode, we'll explore the difference between blame and responsibility, and how trauma can leave us feeling powerless, stuck, frozen, or disconnected from our own sense of agency (minus the toxic positivity or denial of the very real systems and circumstances that shape our lives). And of course, we'll talk about the gradual process of reclaiming your ability to participate in your own life again after trauma.
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88. Overfunctioning In Relationships
In this week’s episode of Healing CPTSD, we'll be talking about over functioning in relationships – why trauma survivors often become the caretakers, fixers, and emotional managers, and how these patterns quietly disconnect us from our own needs. We explore how childhood trauma conditions us to associate love with usefulness, emotional labour, hypervigilance, and self abandonment – but most importantly, how we can start to break free from these patterns and start cultivating reciprocal relationships.
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87. Rest As Resistance
This episode of Healing CPTSD explores why so many trauma survivors struggle to slow down, why rest can feel deeply uncomfortable for the nervous system, and how our worth becomes tied to productivity inside systems that profit from our exhaustion. We talk about trauma, hypervigilance, burnout, late stage capitalism, and the ways we have been conditioned to override our body’s natural rhythms. This conversation is an invitation to reconnect with rest as something deeply human, necessary, and healing.
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86. Purpose: Why So Many of Us Feel Lost
Feeling lost? In this episode, we'll be talking about purpose, identity, and why so many trauma survivors feel disconnected from direction, meaning, and themselves. We unpack the pressure to tie purpose to productivity, success, or career achievement, and why healing often creates the capacity to reconnect with curiosity, creativity, play, and possibility again. This conversation is a gentle reminder that purpose does not have to be one grand calling! It can evolve across different seasons of life, and sometimes healing itself is the purpose.
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85. Mastering No Contact (You’re Allowed to Have Boundaries)
In this week’s episode of Healing CPTSD, we'll be talking about mastering no contact, why boundaries can feel so terrifying for trauma survivors, and how childhood trauma wires us to prioritise connection over authenticity and self protection. We explore the grief that often comes with distancing yourself from family, the guilt and self doubt that can surface, and why so many people stay in harmful dynamics far longer than they should.
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84. Rupture & Repair In Relationships: How To Get Better At Conflict
In this episode of Healing CPTSD, we'll talk about the cycle of rupture and repair in relationships and why repair, not avoiding conflict, builds trust, safety, and intimacy. With complex trauma, rupture can feel threatening and lead to shutdown, people pleasing, avoidance, or defensiveness, especially without healthy models of repair. I share how I approach repair by pausing when things escalate, coming back when I am regulated, naming what happened, taking accountability, and listening with curiosity. Over time, repair helps retrain the nervous system to see that conflict does not always mean loss and that reconnection is possible.
<...83. How To Build Self-Trust
In this short episode, we'll explore why self trust can feel difficult, especially if you grew up staying small, being shut down, or people pleasing to stay safe, and how to rebuild it. Self trust is not about perfect decisions, but about building a relationship with yourself by listening inward, recognising your needs, and following through on small consistent actions. Breaking small promises can weaken that trust, while keeping them builds an internal sense of reliability. Progress also includes repair, noticing when you slip and trying again with kindness.
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82. Is It My Intuition, Or Is It My Trauma?
In this short, we'll explore the difference between intuition and anxiety, and why it can feel so hard to tell them apart. We look at how overthinking can cloud our inner knowing and how coming back into the body can help bring more clarity. I also touch on the role of regulation and creating a bit more space in your day so you can actually hear yourself. A simple, reflective episode if you’ve been feeling unsure or second-guessing yourself.
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81. Day In The Life As A Therapist In Her Slow Era
This episode is more of a behind the scenes, day in the life of a therapist – a personal share about what’s been nourishing me lately. Life has been slowing down in some really beautiful ways and I've been leaning into a softer pace of living. I talk about the small rituals and practices that help me stay grounded while running a growing practice.
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80. How I Self-Regulate As A Somatic Therapist
In this episode of Healing CPTSD, I take you behind the scenes on how I self-regulate when I’m spiraling. As a somatic therapist, who tends to get stuck in her head, I ground myself by tuning into simple body sensations . I’ll share the approach and tools that help me reconnect, without overcomplicating things. If you’ve been caught in the headspace lately, come join me and let’s drop back into the body.
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79. Patriarchy Hurts Men Too: Toxic Masculinity and Healing the Masculine
Men aren’t the problem — patriarchy is. In this episode, I explore how patriarchy harms men by teaching boys that strength, stoicism, dominance, and achievement define their worth, while vulnerability is unsafe. When normal human needs for connection and support go unmet, that pressure can turn into shame, loneliness, anger, and disconnection, feeding toxic masculinity and making healthy relationships harder. I also touch on the rise of red pill ideology, which often validates men’s pain but redirects it into blame, domination, and misogyny. I close by talking about what healing masculinity could look like — expanding what men are allowed...
78. Breaking Up With Being "Good" – From People Pleasing To Authenticity
In this episode, I talk about what I call “goodness conditioning” — the pressure many of us feel to be easy, agreeable, and not rock the boat. For people with childhood trauma or CPTSD, these patterns often began as survival strategies. Over time this can create a disconnect between what you say yes to and what your body actually feels, often leading to burnout, resentment, and losing touch with yourself. In this episode, I share how we can begin gently shifting this pattern by noticing the body’s cues, giving ourselves time before responding, and practicing small moments of honesty that reb...
77. Anxiety
In this episode of Healing CPTSD, we unpack anxiety. Rather than focusing on labels or diagnosis, we'll understand anxiety through a trauma informed, nervous system lens, acknowledging it as a survival response. I also walk you through some gentle, practical ways to work with anxiety instead of against it.
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76. What Happens After Collapse? The Individual & Collective Body
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In this episode of Healing CPTSD, we’re talking about collapse — both in the nervous system and in societal systems. Many of us are carrying more than just our personal stories. I explore what shutdown can look like when things are just too much, or those “straw that broke the camel’s back” moments, and how our internal states are often shaped by the conditions we’re living in. Here, we reframe collapse not as failure, but as a threshold for recalibration. We also touch on activism and what sustainable resistance can look like when we honour the body’s need for both action and rest.
Ne...
75. Healing Isn't Linear
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In this episode, we're exploring what it really means when we say “healing isn’t linear,” and why recovery from complex PTSD often feels like one step forward and two steps back. I unpack the difference between a straight-line, productivity-based mindset (linked to perfectionism and wider cultural conditioning) and a more realistic view of healing as cyclical. One that moves more in spirals, seasons, and waves. From a trauma-informed, somatic therapy lens, I explain how the nervous system reveals and processes trauma in layers, only when we have enough safety, support and capacity, and why integration and rest are essential between periods of activatio...
74. F*ck The Patriarchy: Permission To Feel Your Feminine Rage
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In honour of Women’s Day, this episode gives you permission to feel and embody your feminine rage. It’s an honest conversation about patriarchy — not as an abstract idea, but as a system that lives in women’s bodies, shaping everything from hypervigilance to internalised misogyny, and leaving so many women exhausted and unseen. We can’t truly celebrate women without also demanding safety, respect, accountability and recognition. May this episode be a call to reflect on how we can uplift women and acknowledge our magic. Magic that thrives even within a world that continues to keep us small.
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73. What Are We Healing For? Imagining a World That Can Hold Us
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In this episode of Healing CPTSD, we're exploring the question: what are we actually healing for?
With everything happening in the world right now — the rise of right-wing fascism, late-stage capitalism doing what it does best, ongoing colonial harm, and the very real climate crisis — it can feel heavy, confusing, or even a bit pointless to focus on your own healing. So this is a gentle, honest conversation about why it still matters. We explore how healing isn’t just about coping or self-improvement, but about imagining and moving toward a world that’s more humane, relational, and su...
72. Trauma is Political
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This episode invites you into a very real, honest conversation about doesn't get named in therapy spaces enough — trauma is political. Your pain didn’t come out of nowhere, and it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. We talk about how your nervous system, your symptoms, and the way you’ve learned to survive are shaped by the world you’re living in. Racism, colonialism, patriarchy, fascism, and late-stage capitalism don’t just affect us “out there”, they land in the body. This episode unpacks why anxiety, burnout, anger, grief, and numbness are not personal failures, but deeply intelligent responses to chronic stre...
71. From Survival to Steadiness: Life Update + Setting The Tone For 2026
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This first episode of Healing CPTSD for 2026 is an unscripted reintroduction and a reflection on the personal and professional shifts that have shaped Embodied Self Therapy over the past few years. Here I share why community, slowness and relational safety have become even more central to how I practice. This episode also names something I’ll be returning to throughout the year: trauma does not exist in a vacuum. Our nervous systems are shaped by the larger systems that we live within, such as patriarchy, colonialism, capitalism and the rising tide of right-wing fascism globally, and individual healing is deeply entang...
70. 2025 Wrap Up + Thank You
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This episode is a gentle chat to reflect on the year that's been, to say thank you for being here, share some personal life updates and take a soft look ahead at what’s coming in 2026. Healing CPTSD will be taking a break until February, but don't you worry, I leave you with supportive resources you can lean on to get you through the holiday period with a little ease.
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69. Finding Your Sense Of Self
In this week’s episode, we’re looking at what it really means to have a sense of self, and why it can feel unclear or missing after complex trauma. When survival has shaped your identity, it’s common to lose touch with your needs, preferences, boundaries, and inner voice. We’ll talk about how trauma impacts identity development and explore practical ways to reconnect with who you are now: through embodiment, values, and small experiments in self-expression and choice.
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68. Exploring Embodiment: "How Do I Be In My Body?"
This episode invites you into a gentle exploration of the concept of embodiment — what it truly means to be in your body, and how you can begin cultivating safety, awareness and self-connection at a pace that honours your nervous system. We dive into how trauma impacts your ability to feel present in your body, why embodiment can feel difficult or unsafe, and the foundational steps that help you rebuild a sense of inner safety.
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67. Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?
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This episode explores what it really means to be a highly sensitive person (HSP) and how to embrace your sensitivity as a strength rather than a flaw.
We’ll unpack the science of sensory processing sensitivity, the link between trauma and heightened awareness, and why your sensitivity is deeply needed in today’s disconnected world. You’ll learn practical ways to support your nervous system, including sensory hygiene, boundary setting, and embodiment practices that help you stay grounded and resourced.
This episode invites you to see your tenderness not as a weakness but as a superpower – something that...
66. HALTS: A Simple Check-In Tool to Support Emotional Regulation
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Here I explain HALTS, an acronym that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sick/Stressed/Sensitive.
This simple framework helps you identify what’s really going on beneath dysregulation, anxiety or overwhelm. We’ll explore how each part of HALTS can reveal unmet needs and guide you back toward balance, care and self-awareness.
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65. Your Experience Is Valid: Understanding Emotional Invalidation and It's Impact
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In this episode, we explore the deep and lasting effects of invalidation — how being dismissed, minimised or misunderstood can shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us. We'll unpack what invalidation looks like, how it often begins in childhood, and the ways it continues to echo through our adult relationships and inner dialogue.
I share reflections and practical steps to help us begin reclaiming self-trust and learning how to validate our own emotions and experiences. We’ll talk about how to recognise the subtle signs of invalidation, how to reframe negative self-talk and how to creat...
64. Overcoming Perfectionism: Insights from a Recovering Perfectionist
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In this episode of Healing CPTSD, we explore the roots of perfectionism and how it often develops as a protective response to trauma and fear. We'll unpack how perfectionism can keep us stuck in cycles of pressure and self-criticism, even as we’re trying to feel safe, worthy or in control.
I share my own reflections as a recovering perfectionist and offer some gentle, practical tools to help us soften the need to always get it “right.” We’ll talk about how to reframe limiting beliefs, celebrate progress instead of perfection, and begin embracing the freedom...
