Thaestra - The Incursion War

Wherein our heroes fight to survive a deadly ambush!

Wherein our heroes find out that their covert incursion into enemy territory has not been as covert as they had hoped.

Wherein our Heroes collect their special-ordered armor, explore their faith, and have their identities questioned. (Not necessarily in that order.)

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Wherein our heroes find themselves with time to kill during a stopover in a small town. They visit a museum, discover new insights into Garst's background, and almost do a heist! HEY LISTENERS! Are you real? Not just a bot pulling our feeds down to train an AI? If so, we'd love to hear from you! Join our Listeners' Discord channel and introduce yourselves! We'd love to know why you're listening. (No, seriously... Why TF are you wasting your time with this TERRIBLE podcast?) https://discord.gg/SXrw27bHjB

Wherein our Heroes wrap up their battle with the deadly adult dragons attacking the train, and then navigate the complexities of avoiding attention for their heroic deeds. Nothing to see here, folks! Move along!

Wherein our Heroes engage in epic combat against the nigh-overwhelming forces of evil, and Niv'ek extols the virtues of appropriate footwear.

Wherein our Heroes arrive in the town of Teichos Aurista, where they will lay low and avoid as much attention as possible while waiting for the next Magi-Train departure and interrogating their "guest" about Targigoth's operation.

Wherein our heroes find themselves in yet another shopping episode, this time spending their hard-earned coin on enchanted armor, with everyone getting a little something for their trouble. (Except Garst, but he doesn't count.)

Wherein our intrepid heroes learn many things: The extent to which Prince Gordon can help us, some disturbing news about Volzzat's past, and the nature of loss and how it can affect a magic-user's conjurings. What we don't learn is what they're going to do for the next two days while they wait for the magic train to roll into town.

Wherein our heroes encounter a possible ally who wishes to first see what it's like to be our enemy... At least temporarily.

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Wherein much is discussed, little is decided, and virtually nothing actually happens. (There's a small shopping trip, but even that is pretty uneventful.)HEY LISTENERS! Are you real? Not just a bot pulling our feeds down to train an AI? If so, we'd love to hear from you! Join our Listeners' Discord channel and introduce yourselves! We'd love to know why you're listening. (No, seriously... Why TF are you wasting your time with this TERRIBLE podcast?)https://discord.gg/6panp2dh

Wherein new warriors join the cause, new enemies are revealed, and a new mission is assigned to us that comes with a revelation about a hero from another adventure. Oh, and Garst finds new ways to piss off his teammates.

Wherein our heroes are embroiled in an inter-dimensional war. A mighty battle ensues, and things look grim indeed!

Wherein we find our heroes still locked in mortal combat with a nigh invincible army of terrors from the deepest pits of hell. Garst is there, too.

A short-ish session, wherein Garst and Volzzat find themselves surrounded by assassins and must take swift and brutal action to escape.

Wherein our intrepid heroes return to the capital city of BLANK. There are some frank discussions about our future in the army and about Garst's "father", and some serious shopping in the magic markets. There is much haggling, bickering, and hemming & hawing.

A short interlude, in which plans are made for what we do while in town, and Garst tries to involve Volzzat in a capitalist scheme involving branded merchandise.

In which Garst, Ni'Vek, and Yoges decide to become gladiators in the arena, while Volzzat takes a back seat to their shenanigans.

Wherein our Heroes dither about, taking their sweet time making plans for scouting the island. Much is argued, little is agreed upon, but action is finally taken, and a terrifying discovery is made. Also, contrary to all prevailing wisdom, they split the party. Three ways.

Wherein our Heroes make quick work of the DM's mini-boss, much to his chagrin. And a long-awaited milestone is reached.

Wherein our heroes engage in dramatic combat with a host of fiendish enemies. There is much complaining about terrible rolls.

Wherein our vaunted team of heroes has landed after their harrowing battle on dragon-back. They debate rest length, celebrate Volzzat's lucky arrow strike, and argue over which tactics to employ in their final confrontation with their evil nemesis.

Wherein our Dragon-Mounted Heroes mop up the rest of the flying demons, but are forced to land on a bare volcanic island, wounded, tired, and unsure of the status of their primary target.

Wherein our intrepid squad is given an important mission, post-betrayal. In order to succeed, they'll need to make some new friends and take to the skies!

Technical Note: Missing some episodes? Confused about what's going on? We're posting this the same night we recorded it. We'll post the missing back episodes as time allows, but we want to make sure we're staying current on new episodes moving forward.

Wherein we join a new group of adventurers (and one familiar face) as they find themselves going toe-to-toe with a shredded shroom, a pumped peridium, a ripped rhizomorph: the dreaded Mycelium Macho! (And very nearly have their asses handed to them!)

Wherein the battle for Helm's Keep comes to a thrilling conclusion, and our weary adventurers experience JigglePhysics for the first time. (Not necessarily in that order.)

Wherein our heroes begin an epic, multi-session battle against an unspeakable evil, and Saika gives birth to a green, gooey baebae.

Wherein a truce is parleyed, basements are explored, traps are detonated, and monologues are recited.

Wherein another stage of combat is resolved, and more prisoners are captured (surely to be tortured by Garst, and then covertly released or euthanized by Volzzat.)

Wherein our party makes good it's escape from the clutches of Fort Helm and begin the siege proper. Ni'Vek once again shows us how good he is at falling great distances, and Volzzat is the slowest thing on the battlefield for a change.

Wherein Dragon Daddy returns for a one-night-only engagement, we split the party, and we burn the DMs plans to the ground.

Wherein our fractured band of warriors helps heal the divisions between two cultures. Also, Saika puts on her therapist hat and delves deep into Garst's psyche, while Volzzat and Yoges bond over the elicit release of yet another prisoner (this is starting to become a habit for Volzzat).

Wherein our DM sighs and shakes his head, and then reluctantly says "fine," and then we still go to extreme lengths to foil his best-laid plans. (In other words... Just another Wednesday.)

Wherein food is ordered and feelings are shared, Saika exercises her right to bear arms, and Vartha goes full muppet. Oh, and Garst pushes our DM to the breaking point.

Wherein our heroes meet a new friend, say good-bye to an old friend, tug on each others' belts while grunting, bicker like an old married couple, and engage in retail therapy.

Wherein Garst's investigation is further delayed by pesky demons, terrifying monstrosities are dispatched with ease, and we learn more about Vartha's personal biases.

Wherein a problematic new life is created, some weird new demons are destroyed, and we learn that demons are immune to pocket cinnamon.

Wherein our fractured troop does a whole lot of nothing, mostly because we're down two players. There's arguing, some combat, and it is established as canon that you cannot smell a lack of smell.

Wherein the shit hits the fan, new shit comes to light, old wounds are reopened, and the divide between characters (and players) grows deeper!

Wherein our exploration of the demon boat is cut short because Amber failed to provide adequate login credentials. Garst continues to be an ass, and the rest of the characters continue to put up with it. Barely.