The SelfWork Podcast

Today we're focusing on the psychological side of plastic surgery. This interview with renowned plastic surgeon Dr. Rady Rahban answers all your questions about the psychological side of choosing both reconstructive and plastic surgery. Understanding the motivations and emotional impacts of such decisions is crucial for anyone considering these procedures. The intersection of psychology and plastic surgery reveals much about our societal standards of beauty and self-acceptance.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your...

Today we’ll focus on what it means to be a licensed mental health professional. How are coaches and influencers different from licensed mental health professionals? And how has the rise of therapists themselves online affected the social media culture, while unlicensed influencers are offering mental health advice?

We'll focus on five major concerns of the online presence (and often persistence) of online 'therapists', be they the licensed kind, coaches, or unlicensed influencers, including the impact of licensed mental health professionals.

Our listener voicemail is from a listener who herself has been diagnosed with BPD – and...

(Note: We are focusing on sexual assault in this episode of SelfWork. If you have a history of sexual assault, please listen with care.)

Today we're going to introduce you to the concept of restorative justice. Our guest today is Marlee Liss. You may not have heard of her, unless you closely follow what's happening in the justice system concerning sexual assault.

But her voice is a strong one. As difficult and life-changing as her rape was for her, she describes the process of restorative justice as being equally healing and satisfying.

Order T...

Grit. What is it? How do you develop it? And how is it important for battling mental illness? And what role does it play in both outer success and inner victory?

These are the questions we're going to answer today on SelfWork.

Here's leading author Angela Duckworth 's definition of grit, described in her Ted talk.

"Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and work...

In this episode, Dr. Margaret talks with Dr. Tara Cousineau about perfectionism and "befriending your inner critic."

My guest today, Dr. Tara Cousineau, is an expert on perfectionism's treatment. She's a clinical psychologist, as well as a yogi and mom. And she's a staff psychologist at Harvard's Counseling and Mental Health Services. There are certainly a lot of perfectionists there. She's written a book, which I read cover to cover -The Perfectionist’s Dilemma: Learn the Art of Self-Compassion and Become a Happy Achiever. And it's wonderful.

Order my new The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A...

Today we're focusing on finding emotional stability and calm through self-love. Not narcissism – not grandiosity or some kind of over-the-top shouting to the world how great you are. But what exactly self-love is and what it can lead to is our focus. That's self-agency - the ability to act and to feel empowered to do so.

Even though we live in a world that repeatedly suggests you can’t be happy or feel valuable if you don’t have a partner, or followers, or live in a certain neighborhood or wear certain clothes or be thin – or countles...

In this episode, Dr. Margaret gives her best advice about enmeshment, Anne Burrell’s suicide, and perfectly hidden depression to those that have reached out to her in the past few months.

This episode is kind of a grab bag; one comment from a woman who loved Anne Burrell (as a response to a piece I wrote about her), another from a young man in an arranged marriage whose mother is harsh and who he feels very controlled by.

Then I’m also bringing in some comments from the TEDx on perfectly hidden depression – they’re so re...

Friendships are vital for your sense of well-being.

When you know that you have people that you can count on to be there for you when you need them, who you feel solidly connected to. that knowledge can offer a kind of grounding that's unshakeable.

Dr. Margaret invites Marisa Franco to SelfWork to discuss how she discovered this for herself, how friendships have provided her with steady caring and acceptance, and how she uses the science of attachment to help you understand how to create and keep friendships in your life.

Pre-order The...

Choosing a career is one thing. However, knowing if it's the right choice for you or if you need to consider other alternatives? That can be more difficult.

In this enlightening episode, Dr. Margaret speaks with Ashley Stahl, the author of the best-selling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career . They delve deep into the complexities of career choices and the transformative journey of discovering your true calling - one that more exactly fits with your core values. Throughout this conversation, listeners will gain invaluable insights on how to navigate these choices e...

Note: In this episode, Dr. Margaret talks with Penny Gray, who lost her husband to suicide. Please read/listen carefully. Here are international numbers of suicide hotlines.

Suicide is hard for all, and horrific for others. Why? Because someone they loved died by suicide, and they were absolutely shocked.

Not that suicide isn't always extremely hard on those that loved the person who took their own life. But when you suspect nothing... the emotions that come are hard to understand and accept.

Whether you're a parent, a wife, a friend, a partner...

Bipolar disorder can be very difficult to diagnose. But that pales in comparison to what it can be like to live with and manage.

This week, Dr. Margaret Rutherford is republishing her interview with Terri Cheney who writes about her own battle with bipolar disorder. Sometimes she's won that battle. But not every time. And she talks about mixed episodes, which are harder to understand and certainly harder to live through.

Pre-order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you...

Autism is a diagnosis that's feared by parents whose beloved child's development seems off.

Dr. Theresa Lyons, a scientist and autism parent and expert, has lived this life. She and Dr. Margaret discuss what it was like, how she coped, and the professional and personal advice she has to offer.

Dr. Lyons own words on discovering the autism diagnosis...

"I knew something was wrong with my daughter. I just had this intuition. This knowing. That things just weren’t going right. My daughter was developing but there was just something not right. I ha...

Self-blame - when it happens way too much - can be paralyzing.

Five paralyzing consequences of self-blame... 

The Bad People Bible  is a definitive guide to removing toxic people from your life.

Written by celebrity and renowned clinical and forensic psychologist Dr. Peter J. Favaro, “Bad People Bible” combines real-life stories, psychological insights, and actionable strategies to help people recognize toxic individuals and get out of relationships with narcissists and manipulators.

Dr. Favaro explained in in this interviews how many narcissists employ incredibly debilitating and manipulative strategies to their partners in marriage. And how very difficult it can be to get out of those marriages. He's seen it all.

As he sai...

Psychedelic-assisted therapy is being actively researched by mental health researchers for its efficacy. And where it's legal, it's reported to be highly effective in treating depression and suicide prevention. Suicide rates within our veteran and first responder communities are incredibly high, and I’ve had conversations before with several guests on SelfWork about this very painful fact. Research shows that traditional therapies often fall short for these individuals, leading to a search for alternative approaches. In recent years, psychedelic-assisted therapy has emerged as a promising option, harnessing substances like psilocybin and MDMA in controlled settings to facilitate profound psychological he...

Flashbacks and nightmares are primary symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) as well as CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) – and they’re extremely frightening to have.

Nightmares and flashbacks occur in different states of consciousness. Flashbacks happen when you’re awake and conscious; nightmares happen during sleep. Nightmares can involve a range of distressing themes, from feelings of helplessness to fears of abandonment. You don’t have to have experienced trauma to have a nightmare, whereas flashbacks are reliving the trauma itself.

We'll talk about the treatments available for both today on...

Messy marriages are all over the place – and living through them and maybe grieving them can at times be extremely complicated. In today’s SelfWork episode, whether you’re grieving the death of someone with whom you had a complex and even hurtful relationship or whether that relationship still exists, you are often needing to grieve that person’s impact on you. With Valentines Day fast approaching, a date that people often have great fun with or hate living through, it’s important to realize that not all grief belongs with “good” or “meaningful” relationships. Maybe you were estranged from them. Maybe t...

Today we're exploring what's termed "anticipatory grieving."

When you know something is going to happen that will bring its own kind of grief… whether it’s a loved one being diagnosed with a terminal illness, an unwanted divorce being filed, learning that a child will struggle with a learning difference – it can bring a slew of emotions, many of them moving in and out of your awareness quickly. Anticipatory grieving is a way to imagine, visualize, and begin to emotionally prepare for the loss that is to come.

We’ll focus today on the five steps of...

Self-criticism can take on a life of its own. And become so constant that you have to fight it on a daily or even hourly basis.

So today we’re going to focus on what may be keeping your self-criticism alive and well in ways that you don't realize.

There are two steps we’ll cover. The first is raising awareness of your own inner self-critical voice. The second is assessing what role or function it may have for you. What purpose might self-criticism have that weirdly protects you in some way or serves a role...

Are you being judgmental? Many of us would quickly say "no" to that question. But how many people do you know one thing about – and one thing only – and you categorize them as “bad” or “good”, "weak" or "strong," "smart" or "not the brightest bulb."

It doesn’t take long for us to form an opinion. And there are obvious situations – such as one where there’s the possibility of harm – where quick judgments are necessary and very helpful.

But what about the kind of judgment that you make because of your own biases? There are two mental mistak...

How do you know if someone with sociopathic traits is playing with your mind? Today on SelfWork we’re going to talk about just that.

The term cognitive dissonance has been around for quite a long time. What it’s describing is when you do something or say something that you believe to be wrong or unkind or unjust. But you do it or say it anyway. So, you’re not following or abiding by the values that you say you have.

The gaslighting technique of those with sociopathy... 

But cognitive dissonance can also be...

Disappointment. It’s a feeling in between hurt and shock. Why? Because you expect one thing – and you receive another. It doesn’t quite shock you - maybe it wasn’t totally unexpected. And it doesn’t crush you – it’s not exactly traumatic.

But expectation and disappointment are totally interrelated.

Some disappointment is normal of course. You don’t always win the prize or get what you were striving for, whether that’s a job, or a grade, a promotion, or a relationship moving ahead. But how do you feel it? And is it possible that you’r...

Grief is never easy. And it can be made harder by the many things that happen with grief that you’re not prepared for – or believe ‘should’ be happening or ‘shouldn’t’. Dr. Elizabeth Kübler Ross made the observation about terminally ill people that they seemed to go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But she never meant for that model, no matter how interactive or nonlinear we may think about it – to become what it’s become – some kind of standard yardstick where you’re supposed to measure if you’re grieving the ‘right’ way.

The...

“Low self-esteem” is one of the symptoms or reflections of classic depression. Of course, it goes along with other symptoms or signs - a negative self-image, feelings of helplessness and/or hopelessness, not enjoying much of anything – which is called anhedonia.

But how do you increase self-esteem? What is self-esteem anyway? It’s a recognition of your value – of your worth. You can have high self-esteem, low self-esteem, or an inflated sense of self-esteem where you think too highly of yourself and even see others as less valuable or worthy than you.

So, self-esteem often gets built...

Have you ever thought that intuition could be used for healing crisis?

Laura Day, the New York Times bestselling author is back with a long-awaited, life-altering book to help you learn how to do just that. In her past breakthrough book Practical Intuition, she explained how anyone can train themselves to gain full access to the powers of the intuitive brain. However, only Laura’s closest friends knew that behind the book’s phenomenal success was a dark family history.

In this, her first book in fifteen years, Day, shares her haunting and unforgettable family story...

Today we have a grab bag of questions and comments, with the topics being blame, perfectly hidden depression, and bipolar disorder.

The first is from a mom who lived through her daughter and yet also didn’t offer safety or a sense of security – even with the basic things. This listener is now sober for a year (much to her credit) and is asking about how to navigate her relationship with her mom – who's still chaotic. The second is from a therapist who attended one of my workshops on perfectly hidden depression and had a great comment to mak...

Anger has a place. It’s an important emotion to feel and know how to handle. It lets you know a boundary and maybe a very important boundary, value, or expectation has been ignored or crossed or threatened in a very real way. But it’s a skill then to think through what you’re going to do with that anger.

It seems that there are a lot more people these days who are angry. Maybe it’s because the immediacy that social media and texting have provided that have made it SO much easier to attack someone...

We’re talking about sexual abuse on SelfWork today – so please, if you have sexual abuse in your history or have somehow been affected by it, listen carefully.

Sometimes I receive a voicemail where I can hear the stark heartache that’s behind the message. And this week was no exception. The hurt expressed was so palpable for me. Not only hurt, but confusion and a huge sense of loss.

Who was it from? She’s a therapist. A mom. A daughter, not in that order. Let’s call her Lisa.

So, what had happen...

One of the most difficult things we all face is how to find meaning in the moments or experiences of our lives that are cruel or devastating, frightening or despairing. The very idea that that might be possible can seem to completely ignore the very real pain or injury of that moment.

A book all about finding meaning... 

One of the most eye-opening books I ever read, I was introduced to in a freshman class I took in college. The course was geared toward the study of how different writers and philosophers, both ancient and p...

Today we’re focusing on what are termed borderline traits as well as different types of borderline personality disorder.

There are many people, primarily women, who struggle with it, without knowing what to call it. In fact, it wasn’t a “diagnosis” until 1980. But that certainly doesn’t mean it wasn’t real before that date.

Having any kind of personality disorder is tough. What do those words “personality disorder” mean? We’ll go over that (you may be wondering if you or someone you love may struggle with that). And today, we'll be covering two distinct and c...

Are you going down the high-functioning nervous breakdown rabbit hole?

When I read these words, written by our guest on SelfWork today, I knew I wanted her on the show. She’s a pediatrician, a mom, an executive – and she gets it.

Most women feel like failures—always feeling like they’re not doing enough, but so exhausted from their over-functioning that they have no more to give. Their go-to solution? To double down on doing more for everyone but themselves. The result? A vicious cycle of work harder, grow resentful, explode at the kids or partn...

Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his mother. But asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there’s a very poignant voicemail from a woman who talked eloquently about her past relationships with two different types of narcissists, the first what she calls covert, the second malignant. I’ll describe those terms, so you’ll know what we’re talking a...

Shame may be one of the most, if not the most, devastating feeling about yourself that you can have. I was interviewed this week by a Swedish journalist who asked me some probing questions about my own history with shame – as she’d read an article I wrote in Psychology Today on just that topic. Here’s the last paragraph of that article: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you that you're so terrible. And that you must be the worst of the worst. So, when you meet someone that you like, trust, or res...

My guest for this episode of SelfWork is Leslie Gray Streeter, a woman I’ve “known” (or as she explains to me is a parasocial friend of mine) – since 2019 or 2020. Leslie’s first book, Black Widow, was about the death of her husband, Scott – and was told with such biting truth and gritty humor that I knew I wanted to keep up with her.

She's now written her second book, Families and Other Calamities. She weaves together her own life with her story line, and I once again found her writing - and the characters in this family - to b...

Today we'll cover the four different types of attachment styles, and how they're created in childhood.  As an adult, they influence what you seek in relationship, what you’re comfortable or secure with and what you’re not. But your style can also change – and that’s what we’ll focus on… what you can do about it. You can also click on a link to a questionnaire in your show notes that’s free and you can determine what your own attachment style is currently!

Here’s the link to the attachment questionnaire! Click this link!

Today on SelfWork, in this "second time around" episode, let's focus on a quartet of players in the self-sabotage realm: procrastination, perfectionism, a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, and of course, imposter syndrome. And as always, we'll talk about... what you can do about it. What's self-sabotage? When you're doing things or not doing things that seem to get in the way of achieving something or creating the life you say you want.

I want to talk more about the fear that’s underneath self-sabotage. Perhaps it’s not sabotage at all. It’s really one part of you – the part...

The goal of personal branding is being touted as the best way to ensure success in 2025. Here’s a statement put out by the Harvard Business Review in 2023.. “Much of professional and personal success depends on persuading others to recognize your value. You have to do this when you apply for jobs, ask for promotions, vie for leadership positions, or write your dating profile. For better or worse, in today’s world everyone is a brand, and you need to develop yours and get comfortable marketing it.”

Today we’re going to focus on the pressure involved in persona...

Today we’re going to focus on AI (Artificial Intelligence) and how it might be used as in psychology and specifically in therapy. It’s interesting to see how people are responding; some states are banning its use, either to protect the jobs of people who’ve studied and received degrees (as is happening in many professions) or to warn of mistakes that AI can make or harm it can do.

There was dramatic and heart-breaking example of this happening just this week. I'd already recorded this episode but then heard about 16 year-old Adam Raine who was alleged...

If you've ever wondered if you had it in you to stop drinking or change any destructive habit you have, Marci Hopkins wants to tell you that you can. She's the author of Chaos to Clarity, Seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles,  and an award-winning TV Personality, host, show creator and executive producer of "Wake Up with Marci." Wake Up is a talk show all about inspiration and empowerment, where Marci shares stories of triumph and transformation to spread hope.

Marci got very honest with herself (after getting a DWI) that her alcohol use had moved w...

Meeting Kyle Kittleson was an incredibly refreshing experience.

Why? Because he lives and breathes his passion for bettering the world. Whether it's through his work with animals (he's an animal trainer), his dedication to children's learning about animals on his very popular YouTube channel, BaBa Blast. Or his hosting of the incredibly informative MedCircle.com, where he interviews therapists and doctors and all kinds of people about mental health. About that, he says, "To help other struggle less through proper education has been a privilege."

As a child, he formed a club that he called th...