Business Pants
Whether you love business news or feel like you’re supposed to know it but hate it, Business Pants is business news for humans. Snarky and irreverent, deeply researched and factual, a podcast devoted to market quirks and the humans that make up companies. Investing isn’t a what, it’s a who.
Tyson plant closure, Tim Cook still CEO, ISS should fight, Dollar General preach
LABOR DAY/STAKEHOLDER RULE STUFF (CARES/DON’T CARE)
Mamdani Opens Office of Worker Power DC
The new city agency intends to connect workers who want to unionize with resources and organizing contacts, and use worker stories of exploitation to inform policy.
Starbucks faces another union boycott, activist investor pressure C
The SOC Investment Group, an investment advisory group affiliated with the Strategic Organizing Center — a major coalition of North American trade unions — filed a shareholder proposal last week seeking to separate Starbucks’ CEO and board chair roles.
The i...
BLAME: Target’s costume, Callaway shoves a woman, Altria’s new director
DR
'We Know We Got This Wrong': Target Apologises and Pulls 'Offensive' Halloween Costume After Racist Backlash; Target Executive Chair Brian Cornell Sells 50,000 Shares for $8.2 Million; WHO DO YOU BLAME?
Executive Chair/former CEO (since 2014) Brian Cornell: still 21% influence!
CEO Michael Fiddelke: 16% influence; started at Target in 2003; formerly COO and CFO
Why does the corporate page not list his years of service in two separate bios??
Dmitri Stockton: 8 years tenure; the double-DEI hater (Deere & Company)
Mr. Stockton provides the Board with senior leadership, marketing / design / b...
Meta/Mark’s settlement, Target apologizes, and things we used to care about
Story of the Week (DR):
Meta settles social media addiction case with California, other states for $16.7 billion MM
5 Reasons to Be Happy
An $18 billion payout sets a historic legal precedent against Big Tech, directing billions in state funding toward youth mental health, counseling, and digital literacy programs.
Instagram and Facebook must enforce default two-hour daily usage limits and completely block account activity between midnight and 6 a.m. for users under 18.
Teens and parents gain the explicit right to disable addictive engagement algorithms in favor of a non-personalized, c...
GOOD? UHG lawsuit, Gen Z hates AI, Disney vs. FCC, anti-pervert glasses
G
UnitedHealth shareholders sue company over ‘corporate governance failures on a historic scale’
UBS fined record $125 million for money laundering violations
$125 million civil penalty to the U.S. Treasury's Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN) for willful violations of the Bank Secrecy Act (BSA), the primary U.S. anti-money laundering law.
FinCEN said the fine is the largest ever assessed against a broker-dealer for BSA violations.
The settlement marks FinCEN's second enforcement action against UBS Financial Services, a subsidiary of the Swiss bank UBS. The firm had previously paid...
L3Harris’ misconduct problem, Mark’s bad week, the SEC quits SEC’ing
Story of the Week (DR):
L3Harris ousts CEO after investigation into conduct MM
L3Harris Technologies, the company that overhauled a Qatari plane now used as Air Force One, has replaced Christopher Kubasik as chairman and chief executive after an investigation determined he violated the defense contractor’s code of conduct.
Kubasik’s alleged conduct didn’t involve and has no impact on the Melbourne, Fla., company’s financial reporting, controls, customer relationships or operational performance, L3Harris said Monday.
The company didn’t give details on when it receive...
L3 CEO out, SEC proposals out, Bezos philanthropy out, Zuck isn’t cool
DR1
THINGS WE MISSED
NERDY ESG STUFF
L3Harris ousts CEO after investigation into conduct CARES
L3Harris Technologies, the company that overhauled a Qatari plane now used as Air Force One, has replaced Christopher Kubasik as chairman and chief executive after an investigation determined he violated the defense contractor’s code of conduct.
Kubasik’s alleged conduct didn’t involve and has no impact on the Melbourne, Fla., company’s financial reporting, controls, customer relationships or operational performance, L3Harris said Monday.
The comp...
Meritocracy = boys, DOGE fraud, Zuck’s publicity stunt, simple minded governance
Story of the Week (DR):
Uber’s Strategy for Fighting Sexual Assault Suits: ‘What Were You Wearing?’
An aggressive defense strategy is being used in response to an avalanche of litigation, with over 4,000 lawsuits filed by passengers accusing Uber of failing to protect them from sexual assault
While Uber publicly champions itself as a "survivor-centric" ally and trains support staff against victim-blaming, its defense lawyers ruthlessly contradict this to protect the $145 billion company.
Uber’s attorneys aggressively interrogate survivors about their clothing (e.g., asking if they wore underwear or heels...
IN OR OUT: SpaceX earnings, Uber sex assault, governistas, meritocracy
DR
Matternet Appoints Starbucks EVP Sanjay Shah to Board of Directors
Developer of commercial drone delivery systems for urban and suburban environments
CEO/founder Andreas Raptopoulos: M.A. in Industrial Design Engineering; Diploma of Imperial College in Industrial Design Engineering; Diploma in Mechanical Engineering
Chris Dawson: M.B.A. from INSEAD.
Sanjay Kotte: B.B.A. in finance and management; M.B.A. and J.D.
Laurence Marton, M.D.: expert in drug development, polyamine metabolism, and cancer research,
Saurabh Ranjan: certification in...
Cracker Barrel hires Herschel, fake apologies, and AI will kill us by 2036
Story of the Week (DR):
Cracker Barrel CEO is out after MAGA backlash to "Uncle Herschel" logo change MM
Before Julie Masino was brought in, Cracker Barrel was facing a slow-moving existential crisis:
Their primary core customer base (older generations and rural highway travelers) was naturally shrinking, and younger diners were simply not replacing them.
Kitchen tech, supply chains, and digital ordering lag behind competitors like Texas Roadhouse or Olive Garden.
Some great fake populism from Fox: Cracker Barrel to pay for outgoing CEO’s security, $4.6M se...
Zuck reads your kids to sleep, pervert glasses, and dual class federal elections
DR1
CEO Overlords
In our 'Zuck saves kids from Mommies' headline of the week. Meta Working on Crushingly Sad AI App That Tells Bedtime Stories to Children, for “Tired” Parents***************
In our 'CEO overlords say the trick to getting a good career is figuring out how to please us' headline of the week. As millions of Gen Zers face unemployment, CEOs of Amazon, Citi, and McDonald’s say opportunity is still there—if you have the right mindset***************
In our 'If you have to ask why then y...
OpenAI’s rogue AI, Trump’s governance diarrhea, EEOC’s Andrea Lucas hates data
Story of the Week (DR):
Trump’s Explosive Diarrhea Scandal Is Getting Worse and Worse
Epidemiological data linked a widespread Cyclospora parasite outbreak—sickening over 1,600 people across multiple states—to shredded iceberg lettuce supplied by Taylor Farms de Mexico, triggering a voluntary 27-state recall.
The FDA briefly reported a positive lab test on a Taylor Farms sample before retracting it a day later as a "false positive" due to testing complexities. Taylor Farms claimed online that the FDA "apologized," but the agency denied issuing an official apology and stressed that outbreak data s...
BLAME: RJK Jr recalls, Zaslav’s summer camp, Target’s Swiss Army execs
DR
Warner Bros.’ Zaslav Offers $68 Million to Buy Summer Camp
new January 2026 employment agreement
$96M: Make-Whole RSU award to CEO Daivd Zaslav of 1,963,465 shares; after January 2 Follow-On Option award of 3,052,734 options because share price is down
Under a new employment agreement executed on June 12, 2025, Zaslav received a special award of 20,898,776 stock options with an exercise price of $10.16 (~$400M). Additionally, on January 2, 2026, he was granted 3,052,734 follow-on stock options with an exercise price of $28.51 (~$40M). To address the higher exercise price of these options compared to the initial grant, Zaslav re...
Tech exec fear, Paul Atkins’ war on you, Jamie Dimon says a lot
Story of the Week (DR):
‘We faltered’: IBM stock collapses after a grave warning about AI
Customers are Prioritizing AI Hardware: While IBM mostly sells software nowadays, businesses are currently cutting back on their software budgets. Instead, they are rushing to spend their money on physical computer parts (like chips and servers) needed to build new Artificial Intelligence systems.
Board skills/tenure
Former Intel CEO says the chipmaker went off the rails ‘when it started to be run by business people’
The inside story of IBM’s shocking p...
GOOD GAME: Zuck’s NOT a bozo, social media resistance, women to the rescue
Fun Headlines
Tesla Stock Is Waiting For Godot
Jim Cramer on Meta: “Zuckerberg’s Not a Bozo, You Can Quote Me on That”
Zuck Sucking
Meta Employees Burned $221M in AI Tokens in One Month: Now Big Tech Starts Counting Every AI Prompt
Mark Zuckerberg said AI agent tech is advancing more slowly than expected in an internal town hall
Fighting Back Against Big Data Middle School Bro Bullies
Japan enacts social media law requiring flagging of AI content in ele...
Zuck’s tough week, women save climate data, and Sonnenfeld fights for dictators
Story of the Week (DR):
Social Media's 'Big Tobacco Moment': Meta Faces $1.4 Trillion Fine for Allegedly Fueling Teen Suicide and Addiction
Meta is being sued by 33 US states, led by California, Colorado, Kentucky, and New Jersey.
12 blue/12 red/9 purple
The states allege that Meta deliberately designed Facebook and Instagram to be addictive to children and teens, fueling a youth mental health crisis (including anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicide).
They also accuse Meta of violating child privacy laws by collecting data from children under 13 without parental consent.
<...In or Out: JPM succession team, Nintendo, and iconic CEO clothes
DR1
THINGS WE MISSED
The meritocracy is still a lie: ‘Don’t look at the résumé’: Elon Musk admits he’s ‘fallen prey’ to flashy credentials and says conversation matters most when hiring
“Generally, what I tell people—I tell myself, I guess, aspirationally—is, don’t look at the résumé,” he said. “Just believe your interaction. The résumé may seem very impressive…but if the conversation after 20 minutes is not ‘Wow,’ you should believe the conversation, not the paper.”
“I think goodness of heart is important.”
Four Black women. Nin...
JPMorgan week, ESG ratings are back, AI doublespeak
Story of the Week (DR):
JP Morgan’s news week
The Lurid Lawsuit, Salami Scandal and Trash-Can Thief Vexing JPMorgan’s PR Department AND Meme of 'JPMorgan's HR Department in 2026' Has People in Stitches Amid Sex Scandal and Knicks Bin Incident
She Stole a Knicks Trash Can Off the Street and Lost Her Job at JPMorgan
The Trash Bin That Cost Her Career: Who Is Angie Báez? JPMorgan DEI Executive Fired After Viral Knicks Parade Video
The Trash-Can Thief: Angie Báez, an Execut...
NUGS: Zuck’s vending machine offer, Bezos hates everyone, Thiel does ESG ratings
DR1
Our Tech Overlords
In our 'Elon Musk's alibi to police was, "It couldn’t be my fault; I haven’t been at Tesla since they passed my pay package."' headline of the week. Tesla Under Fire After Car Smashes Into Texas Home and Kills 76-Year-Old Grandmother***************
In our 'Hello, my name is Jeff, I have a younger brother and sister, my favorite food is Betty Crocker pancakes, and I am a Coupon-ism major at Columbia University' headline of the week. Jeff Bezos Called Washi...
Conservative media dictatorships, manbaby secret clubs, and Zuck has a Casio
Story of the Week (DR):
Big Media Dictatorship Craziness MM
Justice Department Decision to Allow Paramount Deal Surprised Staff Investigators and US approval of Paramount/Warner Bros. deal surprised DOJ lawyers and The UFC’s Despicable Night at the White House
Senior Justice Department officials suddenly closed an eight-month antitrust investigation and approved Paramount’s $111 billion acquisition of Warner Bros. Discovery, shocking career staff attorneys who were preparing to recommend a lawsuit to block it.
DOJ investigators worried the combined company's massive debt would prevent it from honoring its prom...
SpaceX fetish IPO, Trump’s Chinese phone, beef vs. Ebola, AI religious exemption
Story of the Week (DR):
SuperBroIpoDystopia: Some key facts: MM
a record-breaking $135 per share with$1.8T valuation
To make that math make sense, analysts estimate the company needs to grow its sales by 50% every single year for the next decade
SpaceX lost $4.9B last year
Wall Street is Being Treated Like Order-Takers: Musk pre-set the IPO price strictly at $135 and dictating exactly which investors got allocations. This forced major investment banks like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley to act as glorified order-takers without even knowing their exact c...
BLAME: Carnival data breach, Danone methane reduction, GM loses a director
DAMION
Carnival Corporation's data breach exposed personal data of nearly 6 million customers: An April social engineering attack on an employee account compromised names, dates of birth, and government-issued ID numbers. WHO DO YOU BLAME
Skills: Technology & Cybersecurity: Experience with information technology and cybersecurity matters is increasingly important to mitigate the risks our business faces, promote innovation and maintain a competitive edge in a rapidly evolving technological age
Least represented 5/11
CEO Josh Weinstein
NO: at Carnival since 2002, started as General Counsel
Sir Johathon Band
<...BP’s bully pulpit, index funds hate your rights, Dell buys a contract, and baby name lies
Story of the Week (DR):
BP ousts chair over ‘serious’ governance, oversight concerns MM
The board said the decision was unanimous. In a statement, Amanda Blanc, BP's senior independent director, described the board as having been caught off guard by what it found: "The board has been surprised and disappointed to learn of governance oversight and conduct issues it deems unacceptable and has taken decisive action."
The oil giant’s board removed Albert Manifold from his roles as chair and director this week, effective immediately. He faced a contingent of investor opposi...
Bezos spouts, CEOs hate employees, SpaceX IPO gaslights
ESG Stuff
BP removes chairman Albert Manifold over governance issues 9
The board said the decision was unanimous. In a statement, Amanda Blanc, BP's senior independent director, described the board as having been caught off guard by what it found: "The board has been surprised and disappointed to learn of governance oversight and conduct issues it deems unacceptable and has taken decisive action."
The company did not elaborate on the specific nature of the concerns.
Ian Tyler has been named interim chair, BP said, with the board set to begin...
GOOD GAME: Booing AI, Musk loses, BYD and public transit win, empty Waymos
The Good Game
Former Google CEO Eric Schmidt booed by graduates at mention of AI
And yet: College students are booing commencement speakers celebrating AI, but the wave of hate hasn’t stopped them from using it to cheat on their exams
Elon Musk loses court battle against Sam Altman and OpenAI after 3-week trial
A federal jury in Oakland, California, on Monday said Elon Musk waited too long to sue OpenAI and its CEO Sam Altman over claims they allegedly violated an agreement to run their artificial intelligence ve...
Companies kill benefits, activist wants manly Victoria’s Secret, Buffett turns off the lights
Story of the Week (DR):
Trump is bringing Tim Cook, Elon Musk, and a dozen other CEOs to Beijing for his Xi summit
Technology & AI
Elon Musk – CEO, Tesla and SpaceX
Tim Cook – CEO, Apple
Jensen Huang – CEO, Nvidia (joined as a last-minute addition after a personal call from the President)
Cristiano Amon – CEO, Qualcomm
Sanjay Mehrotra – CEO, Micron Technology
Dina Powell McCormick – President, Meta
Jim Anderson – CEO, Coherent
Finance & Investment
Larry Fink – CEO, BlackRock
Stephen Sc...
BLAME: Coinbase’s AI job cuts, Starbucks’ $10 “affordable” coffee, Bezos at the Met
DR
Coinbase cuts headcount by 14% citing AI acceleration. The shares are gaining
Coinbase cuts headcount by 14% citing AI acceleration WHO DO YOU BLAME?
Cofounder/CEO/Chair Brian Armstrong: 49.6% voting power MM
In 2020, amidst global protests for racial justice, Armstrong issued a blog post that effectively banned employees from discussing social issues or activism at work: "We don't advocate for any particular causes or candidates internally that are unrelated to our mission, because it is a distraction from our mission... we won't engage in broader societal issues."
Brian...
CEOs silent millions, DEI dies, Altman’s sorry, Gorman’s Disney problem, Chip Wilson won’t leave
Story of the Week (DR):
Happy (?) May Day MM
May Day 2026: Top CEO pay increased 20 times faster than workers’ pay in 2025
Rivian Sold 42,247 Cars And Paid Its CEO [RJ Scaringe] $403 Million, Or 15 Jim Farleys
Comcast Co-CEO Mike Cavanagh Lands $72 Million Pay Package For 2025
Google co-founder [Sergey Brin] rips California billionaire tax: 'I fled socialism'
ONE-TIME wealth tax: The proposal would impose a 5% tax on net worth above the $1 billion threshold for people who were California residents as of Jan. 1, 2026, with some assets like real estate an...
IN OR OUT: New Rexnord and AIG CEOs, Dana White, Autodesk board refresh, Spirit Airlines
Regal Renord [sic] Corporation Names Aamir Paul As New CEO
IN: Louis Pinkham (24%) will also resign from the Board of Directors effective on his last day as CEO. IN
IN: Because of Chair Rakesh Sachdev (15%) OUT
A powerful counterpoint to a new CEO’s power
Axalta Coating Systems (27%)
Herc Holdings (14%)
Edgewell Personal Care (13%)
OUT: “On October 29, 2025, the Company announced that Mr. Pinkham, our CEO, will separate from his role with the Company in connection with a CEO sear...
CEO turnover boom, Texas rejection, and white guy leadership victimhood (man feelings)
Story of the Week (DR):
Apple names John Ternus as CEO to replace Tim Cook, who will become chairman
Apple CEO Tim Cook is stepping down
Meet John Ternus, the 51-year-old former swimming champ who will succeed Tim Cook as Apple CEO
Tim Cook to step down as Apple CEO. In letter, describes 15 years of emails
Tim Cook’s exit is part of a CEO reckoning sweeping Corporate America
Are internal CEOs the way to go?
Best Buy taps insider Jason Bonfig as ne...
Tim Cook steps over, Swiss envy Singapore, Ford’s EV oops, and the corporate groin
DR1
In our 'And in the biggest leadership transition of 2026' headline of the week. RPM Announces Appointment of Thomas C. Gentile, III to Board of Directors***************
In our 'When we told shareholders that keeping Jay Hoag on the board was in the best interests of shareholders right after they voted him off the board. Haha, suckers.' headline of the week. Reed Hastings Reveals His 'All-Time Favorite Memory' At Netflix As He Steps Down***************
"My all-time favorite memory was January 2016, when we enabled nearly the entire planet to en...
Allbirds’ pivot, Illinois’ AI law allows nuclear war, Amazon’s dead worker, Reed Hastings steps off
Story of the Week (DR):
Sneaker Company Allbirds Plans to Pivot to A.I. Yes, A.I. MM
After selling its business for $39 million last month, the company said it planned to buy powerful computer chips and rebrand itself NewBird AI.
Allbirds is ditching years of clean and green street cred
Each share of Class A common stock is entitled to one vote on each proposal and each share of Class B common stock is entitled to ten votes on each proposal
Classified: one Class I director...
BLAME GAME: Microsoft carbon fails, Booking.com hack, Amazon + OpenAI love, Sheriff and Feeler
DAMION
Booking.com warns customers of hack that exposed their data: WHO DO YOU BLAME?
CEO Glenn D. Fogel (2017-); no background in tech
Cybersecurity Subcommittee (Chair) Larry Quinlan MM
Global Chief Information Officer (2010 - 2021) Deloitte; but what was 2021 like Covid and masks? DEI hire
Cybersecurity Subcommittee member Nicholas J. Read (2018-): Technology not listed as qualification.
Cybersecurity Subcommittee member Vanessa Wittman: most recently (until 2022) CFO at Glossier, an online beauty product company; director at AIG but does not serve on Technology Committee
Sam Altman the sociopath, reasons for hope, McD’s CEO says it’s mom’s fault, and men failing up
Story of the Week (DR):
Jeff Shell, president and board director at Paramount Skydance, is stepping down after allegations of SEC violations
Shell came under scrutiny after gambler and whistleblower R.J. Cipriani filed a $150M lawsuit alleging Shell shared confidential information in violation of SEC rules.
Shell previously left his role as NBCUniversal CEO in 2023 after he admitted to having an “inappropriate relationship” with an employee.
The company said it did not find an SEC violation. Paramount added in a statement that the claims were “baseless” and said Shell is...
GOOD GAME: Activist takes our advice, EPA vs. microplastics, UA union deal, endless shrimp
The Good Game
Activist investor seeks to oust Americold Chair Mark Patterson over “problematic boardroom behavior”
Activist investor Sieve Capital is pushing Americold Realty Trust to remove board chair Mark Patterson, citing his tenure on the board of scandal-ridden office landlord Paramount Group.
OpenAI releases policy proposals aimed at addressing fallout from AI-driven job losses
The proposals, which OpenAI admits are “ambitious” and “intentionally early and exploratory,” include everything from a new industrial policy agenda to modernizing the tax system to expanding access to healthcare coverage and retirement s...
Oracle’s bloodbath, Musk’s SpaceX, company “overstaff” gaslight, Jamie Dimon says
Story of the Week (DR):
Elon Musk's SpaceX set to go public in $1 trillion share listing
Elon Musk’s rocket and satellite company SpaceX has confidentially filed for an initial public offering with the Securities and Exchange Commission
The firm could seek a valuation of $1.75 trillion with a public listing around June.
A confidential filing means that SpaceX will submit its financials to the SEC before revealing them to the public, which must occur at least 15 days before the IPO roadshow.
Musk owns 42% of the SpaceX now, ac...
QUIZ: Air Canada’s CEO step down, Xerox governance, and Starbuck’s investors hate sugar
Air Canada CEO [Michael Rousseau] to step down in 2026 amid recent controversy over French-language skills
The Board of Directors of Air Canada has announced that President and Chief Executive Officer Michael Rousseau will retire by the end of the third quarter of 2026, following nearly two decades with the airline.
Did the official press release mention the crash?
Did the official press release mention the CEO’s inability to speak French?
Will he remain on the board?
According to the Board, when did it start the internal su...
Meta is tobacco, Trump loves French oil, FedEx’s fake tariffs, “blame AI” CEOs, Larry Fink’s anxietywash
Story of the Week (DR):
Meta and YouTube Found Negligent in Landmark Social Media Addiction Case: A jury found the companies harmed a young user with design features that were addictive and led to her mental health distress. DR
Historic Financial Penalties
New Mexico: A jury ordered Meta to pay $375M in civil penalties ($5,000 per violation) for misleading the public about child safety.
Los Angeles: In the first social media addiction trial of its kind, the jury awarded $6M in total damages (compensatory and punitive) to a single 20-year-old...
BAD GAME: Zuck’s AI CEO, Larry Fink worries about capitalism, Grab’s double extra vote shares
Trump despises wind farms so much he’s paying a French energy giant $1 billion to stop building them and invest in natural gas instead
TotalEnergies says it will instead invest in the development of oil and gas production in the U.S.
Larry Fink says today’s economic anxiety stems from people increasingly feeling like capitalism isn’t working for them
"Statement on the Purpose of a Corporation" was announced on August 19, 2019
BlackRock's Fink warns AI boom could widen wealth divide without broader participation
Goo...
Return of the OG toxic bros, board pay security blankets, airlines whine, and wishing for EVs
Story of the Week (DR):
The dangers of not pouring water over your dropped out campfire:
Travis Kalanick sees benefits of being in stealth mode for 8 years. ‘You build a culture of people that want to build and do not need to be famous’
While studying at UCLA, Kalanick was a member of Theta Xi fraternity. In 1998, he dropped out
Only people mentioned all former Uber bros:
CTO Brian Attwell: CloudKitchens CTO says he might add an IQ test for job applicants
Eric Meyhofer
B...
NUGGS: Travis Kalanick is back, Peter Thiel takes back, airlines buyback, Starbucks union fights back
DR1
In our 'Asshole is selfish' headline of the week. Billionaire Uber co-founder Travis Kalanick admits strategically moving to Texas before California wealth tax***************
Kalanick was caught on camera in a heated argument with an Uber driver, who complained about falling fares and the company’s treatment of drivers: "Some people don't like to take responsibility for their own sh*t"
In our 'Top snarky podcast hosts plead with airline companies to stop the share buyback bullshit and pay airport workers. ‘Once again, air travel CEOs are bullshit artists’' head...
