This Is It, I’m Just Me

Six years, countless memories, and a connection that never quite fit a label. After nearly two years apart, one Grindr message on August 22, 2026 brought us back together. We’ve both changed, but somehow the chemistry is still there. Maybe we’ll connect again. Maybe we won’t. You never know what the future holds.

They look confident. They work out. They take charge. They might run the show all day long… but behind closed doors? Some of them are ready to get on their knees and hand over the reins.

In this spicy and hilarious chapter, I explore a pattern I’ve noticed throughout years of dating and hookups: the supposedly dominant men who eventually reveal their submissive side. From online dating overshares and accidental BDSM interviews to discovering the difference between a little bedroom spice and someone looking for a full-time Domme, I ask one very important ques...

Dating as a trans woman isn’t simply about finding someone who’s attracted to you. It’s navigating chasers, DL men, married men, couples, fetishization, secrecy, labels, sex, and a dating pool where words don’t always match actions. In this chapter, I talk about the realities of dating men in Ottawa, the statistics behind trans dating and relationship stigma, and why I’m still searching for something real after years of disappointment. I’m not looking for breadcrumbs. I’m looking for the whole loaf.

If you Google Lana Poulson, you’re going to find quite a bit — articles, photographs, videos, podcasts, advocacy, art and pieces of a life lived publicly.

But finding someone isn’t the same as knowing them.

In this deeply personal chapter, I explore privacy, social media, growing older, ending friendships, changing opinions, past mistakes and the strange reality of having pieces of your life permanently searchable.

I also reflect on my photography project with Ruth Dick, the unexpected ways that work touched a cancer surviv...

Cancer doesn’t just affect the person who receives the diagnosis—it can change an entire family.

In this deeply personal chapter, I explore what it’s like to have watched cancer affect multiple generations of my family: losing my cousin to breast cancer and my aunt and godmother to pancreatic cancer, seeing two uncles survive prostate cancer, my maternal uncle undergo surgery for colon cancer, and watching my father continue his battle with lymphoma.

I talk about the impact cancer can have on families, children and caregivers, the realit...

Grindr is one of the easiest dating apps to actually connect on—no endless swiping, no waiting for a match, just people nearby and the ability to start a conversation. But that accessibility comes with another side.

In this episode of This Is It, I’m Just Me, I take an honest look at Grindr from the good, the bad and the downright ugly: hookups, dating, friendship, love, catfishing, stolen photos, harassment, transphobia, obsession, rejection and unwanted contact.

As a trans woman, I also explore why Grindr can sometimes make it easier to find men attr...

After decades of dating, I have learned that words can be beautiful—but they aren’t always evidence. From the disappearing “good morning gorgeous” to promises to call that never become phone calls, I explore what happens when the excitement of early dating fades and you’re left looking at someone’s actual behaviour.

Blending personal experience with current psychology and reflections on how dating has changed from the pre-texting 1990s to today’s apps, FaceTime and endless messaging, I talk about what trust, authenticity and genuine communication really look like. Because words can tell you what...

We’ve been taught that being single means something is missing — but does it?

In this chapter of This Is It, I’m Just Me, I explore singlehood, relationships, loneliness, and the changing ways people around the world seek connection.

From changing attitudes toward marriage and living alone to Japan’s companion robots and the growing role of AI, we look at what happens when people want connection but can’t always find it through another human being.

Because your relationship status does not determine...

Sometimes the people we grew up with become the people we no longer recognize. In this chapter, I explore sibling fallouts, resentment, aging parents, family expectations, caregiving, addiction and recovery, emotional exhaustion, and the difficult decision to step away from a sibling relationship. Because sharing blood doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your peace—and sometimes loving someone means accepting that you can’t save them, change their choices, or continue being part of the cycle.

In this deeply personal episode, I talk about where I’ve been, why the podcast has been quieter, and the unexpected shift happening in my life. After years of being visible, performing, creating, and sharing so much of myself publicly, I’m learning what it means to live a slower, softer, more peaceful life.

This isn’t a goodbye. It’s a reflection. It’s about burnout, depression, grief, healing, letting go of expectations, the realities of pet ownership, and discovering that a meaningful life doesn’t always have to be a loud one.

In this chapter, I talk about what happens when you step away from the noise—like leaving Instagram and barely using Facebook—and start hearing yourself again. When the constant input of social media quiets down, it changes how you see everything: identity, attraction, and even yourself.

Being in my own company lately has brought a sense of clarity and peace I didn’t expect. Without all that outside influence, I’m noticing who I am a little more clearly, without pressure to explain it or define it.

And I’m lear...

In this chapter, I talk about something that often gets misunderstood—living alone.

Not as loneliness… but as peace.

As intention.

As a life that’s been carefully shaped to feel calm, soft, and truly your own.

I share what it’s like to create a home that reflects your inner world, where quiet isn’t empty—it’s grounding. Where your space begins to hold you, instead of drain you.

And I also open up about a new kind of companionsh...

Continuing through the 1953 archives of Chatelaine, this chapter dives into two very different stories—The Story of Two Fat Men and From Merrie England to Massy by Judith Robinson. What starts as a simple reading quickly turns into something deeper, touching on health, identity, culture, and the way people thought and wrote back then. It’s fascinating to see how some things—like conversations around weight and lifestyle—haven’t changed much at all, while others feel completely of another time. Along the way, there’s also a look at the language, the personality in the writing, and even a vintage ad...

In this first episode of Chatelaine: The 1953 Archives, I open the March 1953 issue of Chatelaine and begin at the very beginning — including a section where readers take over and share their opinions, reactions, and perspectives. These letters give a fascinating glimpse into what people were thinking, discussing, and debating at the time. Some thoughts feel surprisingly familiar, while others clearly reflect a different era, making this a unique window into everyday life and conversation in 1953.

I didn’t post a farewell story. I didn’t announce a break. I just deleted Instagram. In this episode, I share why I made the clean cut, what it’s like stepping away from a platform that drains more than it gives, and how simplifying my digital life has helped me reclaim energy, focus, and real connection.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by scrolling, fake connections, or the constant highlight reels, this one’s for you. A quiet exit might just be the freedom you didn’t know you needed.

Lana dives into the Fire Horse energy—a bold, transformative force that shakes up life, clears old connections, and opens space for new beginnings. She shares her journey of letting go: ending draining relationships, shedding past selves, and even redesigning her space with a new dining table that reflects her evolving style. Blending Life Path 4 grounding with natural 8-year clearing cycles, this chapter is a guide to turning pages, releasing what no longer serves you, and stepping fully into the next chapter of your life.

I love writing poems and creating stories with words and sound. In this chapter, I talk about how I bring my poetry to life, why I started sharing it in new ways, and how I use tools like AI to shape the sound, effects, and atmosphere that make my work feel alive. I also introduce my alter ego, Velvet L, and the YouTube space where my poems meet sound.

https://youtube.com/@velvetlmusic

We’re living in a time where attention is currency and everything seems to come with a price tag.

In this chapter, I reflect on fame, monetization, social media metrics, privacy, and why I’ve chosen to keep my creative work free. Not because I can’t monetize it — but because I don’t want to lose the joy of it.

When the world measures your worth in engagement, how do you protect your soul?

🌍 Listeners Around the World

In this special chapter of my documentary, I celebrate all 32 countries where this podcast is being heard. Together, we reflect on the state of the world, honor resilience and beauty in every culture, and remind ourselves that love, equality, and human rights matter for everyone.

Sit back with your favorite drink or snack, no passport needed, and travel the world with me as we connect across continents, cultures, and hearts. From Canada to Ecuador, Ukraine to Australia—this chapter is a reminder that we are all human, we are a...

Lately, it feels like aging is treated as a personal failure and perfection is something we’re all expected to chase. Wrinkles aren’t just lines anymore — they’re seen as flaws. Bodies aren’t allowed to change. Faces aren’t allowed to move.

In this chapter, I talk honestly about how beauty standards have gotten out of control — from fillers and plastic surgery to filters, Instagram, TikTok, and the pressure to look young no matter the cost. I get into the disconnect between the “perfect” faces and bodies we see online and what’s often happening be...

In this chapter, I talk honestly about why I’ve stepped away from online dating—not from love, not from connection, but from the apps themselves. As a trans woman who later came into herself as a lesbian, online dating taught me a lot… and also showed me exactly what no longer aligns.

I reflect on two real experiences that shifted my perspective, why ENM and open dynamics—while valid for some—don’t fit who I am at my core, and how choosing depth, clarity, and self-respect has changed how I move through dating entir...

In “Aligned by Design,” explore astrology, numerology, and the inner guidance of energy and clarity. Discover how your Sun, Moon, Rising, Life Path, Soul, and Name numbers reveal patterns in love, work, and self. Learn why energy alignment matters more than surface attraction, how honoring your vibration strengthens your life, and why choosing yourself first is a powerful act of intentional living. A reflective, interactive journey to notice the signals your body, mind, and spirit are giving you — so nothing feels random, and everything feels aligned.

Siblings—the people we don’t choose, but who shape us in ways big and small. In this episode, Lana explores the ups and downs of sibling relationships, sharing personal stories, from celebrating her 19th birthday with her older brother to navigating transitions, support, and life’s challenges. She also dives into the psychology of sibling dynamics, including boundaries, partner relationships, and knowing when stepping back is the healthiest choice. This is a reflective, relatable conversation about love, growth, and caring for both yourself and the people you love.

Every poem has a heartbeat, and every word deserves to be heard. In Echoes of Me, I transform my original poetry into songs — blending voice, melody, and emotion into intimate soundscapes that invite you to listen closely. Each episode is a journey through thought, feeling, and rhythm, where the words linger, the music carries, and the experience is yours to feel. This isn’t just poetry, and it isn’t just music — it’s the space where they meet. Some of the musical elements are created with the help of a program, while the poetry and arrangement remain entirely mine.

Chapstick Lesbian is about choosing clarity over performance. I didn’t change my style, my personality, or my femininity — I just stopped centering men.

This chapter is about listening to your body, setting real boundaries, and allowing desire to tell the truth without shame. It’s honest, grounded, and about finally letting go of what no longer fits.

Therapy, diagnosis, and responsibility in modern trans healthcare.

In this chapter, Lana explores why medical transition must be treated as serious healthcare — not a social trend. Drawing from her lived experience as a medically transitioned trans woman, Canadian healthcare data, and real statistics, she discusses the importance of therapy, diagnosis, and responsible access to care. She also explains why medical transition and gender expression are not the same — and why protecting access to proper trans healthcare, especially for youth, matters.

🥀 They say all the right things, promise you they’re different, and make you believe there’s something real there. But what happens when their actions tell a completely different story? I’m talking about men who can sell you a dream but can’t deliver on a damn thing, what it feels like to be desired but not valued, and how repeated disappointment can make you stop believing a word they say. At some point, you get tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt. Welcome to Same Devil, Different Face.

🖤🥀 I’m tired of empty promises, big talk, and men who claim they’re different but keep proving otherwise. In this chapter, I’m talking about lost trust, being desired without being valued, and why I’ve reached the point where I’m done with dating period. Because it’s the same devil wearing a different face.

Authenticity & Being Original explores the difference between showing up as your true self and standing out as your own unique energy. Lana dives into why not everyone will understand your growth, why some people become background characters in your story, and how being real can be both empowering and lonely. This episode breaks down the pros, the cons, and the clarity that comes from seeing through people’s fakeness and protecting your peace.

Disclaimer: This episode discusses surgical procedures and personal medical decisions. It is for informational and storytelling purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional for your personal situation.

In this episode, I share a deeply personal chapter of my life — the challenges, discoveries, and milestones that have shaped my journey as a trans woman. From my early transition experiences to surgeries in my 30s, and now, at 46, discovering new medical options that give me clarity, peace, and the chance to feel whole in my body.

In this chapter, Lana explores the way music reaches the soul — from Malte Marten’s calming hand pan to SYML’s haunting emotion and Billie Eilish’s shadow-soft power. It’s an intimate look at why certain sounds give us chills, unlock memories, and stay with us long after the song ends.

Before closing, Lana invites you to play your favourite track and share one word for how music makes you feel. Drop your one word in the comments section and join the emotional landscape of this community.

In this chapter of This Is It, I’m Just Me, Lana opens up about how style is so much more than the outfits we put on. From her girl-next-door beginnings to her hot-goth era, from funky experimentation to the confidence her chest and neck tattoo awakened, she explores how fashion grows with you — and sometimes even outgrows who you used to be. This episode dives into identity, evolution, and the power of dressing for how you feel, not what’s trending.

A chapter about expression, rebellion, softness, power, and learning that the most authen...

We live in a world where our homes, phones, and daily routines are quietly connected to AI. In this chapter, I explore how tools like ChatGPT, Google Home, Siri, and even Alexa (for many people) can support us in ways we might not always notice — from organizing our day and tracking reminders to helping caregivers navigate medical care and offering guidance in tough moments. I reflect on how AI can boost creativity, provide perspective, and even offer emotional support, while also reminding us of the importance of balance and boundaries. A thoughtful look at living alongside technology, staying human, an...

In this episode, Lana dives deep into the complicated layers of modern friendship — the real ones, the close ones, the fading ones, and the ones that exist mostly on a screen. From taking accountability in your relationships to understanding how social media blurs the line between friend and acquaintance, Lana reflects on how connection used to be, how it feels now, and what it means to show up authentically in a world that’s always watching. Raw, warm, funny, and honest — this is friendship, unfiltered.

In this deeply personal episode of This Is It, I’m Just Me, I share the emotional weight of my dad’s latest PET scan — news that shows his lymphoma has become active again. I talk through what it feels like to hear those results, to watch someone you love fight through exhaustion, and to live in that quiet space between fear and hope.

This episode isn’t just about cancer; it’s about the human side of waiting, loving, coping, and showing up even when life feels uncertain.

If you’re navigating i...

In this episode, I’m sharing the shift that happened in me when I turned 46 — a quiet, powerful realignment that completely changed how I look at dating, relationships, intimacy, and the energy I allow into my life.

I talk about the standards I’ve raised, the red flags I no longer entertain, and why I’m choosing slow, intentional love over rushed chaos. I also dive into why friendship first matters to me now more than ever, and how connection feels different when it’s built on honesty, consistency, and real emotional alignment.

In this chapter of This Is It, I open up about my mental health — the shadows I’ve been walking through, and the light I’m slowly finding again. I also share a new piece I’ve written, a hauntingly imaginative poem-story perfect for Halloween. It’s raw, creative, and a little eerie… with a few extra thoughts and surprises along the way.

On today’s chapter, I talk about my recent trip to beautiful Montreal, Canada, a waiter who fancied me, the issue with Ottawa and the people in it, my happier moods, and an update on my dad’s cancer diagnosis now that he’s finished chemo. I also touch on my milestone streams on Spotify and share my views on dating and where I stand with that. See you in the next chapter.

As most of you know I’ve been alone for a while, I’ve been missing some furry companionship. And so I’ll be meeting a kitty sometime in September. Her names Pekoe and my friend owns her but needs to rehome her as she has some interesting qualities lol. Listen to this short chapter of my little life.

This chapter is about drifting away from things no longer relevant to my life and focusing on myself and my current needs. Actually doing things that are gentle for my mental health and wellbeing. Not being part of a lifestyle that doesn’t involve growth. This chapter is a short one. Please enjoy!