Single (not spiraling)

Seasonal depression hits hard when the time changes and it’s dark by 5pm, and this year I’ve been in a real funk. So for this episode I decided to try hopemaxing, which means letting myself be a little delusional that things are going to be okay, even before I can see how. I talk about why this time of year is so heavy for so many of us and what I’m seeing with my clients right now. I’ll give you some questions to think about for your own life, a few small things you can do on the d...

Celibacy might be the most useful thing you can try if you’re working on decentering men. In this episode, I’m talking about why I recommend celibacy to every client, what actually changes when you take sex off the table for a while, and how to tell whether you’re choosing it for yourself or using it to hide. I also get into the practical side, like whether you can still date, what to do if you slip, and how to know when you’re ready to have sex again.

If you’ve been curious about celibacy but aren’t...

Blocking him might be the most loving thing you can do for yourself, so why do so many of us wait so long to hit the button? In this episode of Single Not Spiraling, I’m talking about the block button, why it feels so loaded, and what keeps us holding onto men who’ve already shown us they’re not going to show up. We get into the guilt, the “what if he apologizes” thinking, and how much of your time and energy goes to someone who hasn’t earned it. I also talk about why choosing your own peace over a...

Black and white thinking about men can feel like the safest way to protect yourself, especially when the news has you furious and every headline makes it feel like you can't trust anyone. Your rage is valid, and I feel it too. Men need to be held accountable for the harm they cause, full stop. But if we actually want things to change and want to tear down patriarchy, I think we need a bigger conversation than sorting men into good guys and monsters. In this episode, I'm talking about how that split lets so much everyday harm slide, and...

You meet someone, it's going well, and somehow two weeks in you're checking your phone every ten minutes, replaying the last text, and low-key already spiraling and Obessesing. If that's you right now — this one's for you. in this episode we're talking about why early dating attachment hits so hard, how to tell the difference between real excitement and full-on obsessing, and what actually helps when you're mid-spiral over someone you barely know yet.

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There's a new dating trend everywhere right now, and on the surface it sounds like solid advice: date the guy who's less conventionally hot, because he'll treat you better. Lauren stumbled on it mid-scroll while hunting for this week's topic, and had a lot of thoughts. This episode breaks down where the trend actually falls apart, what you should be watching for instead in the first few dates, and how to tell the difference between attraction that's genuinely building and you just talking yourself into someone. Plus: how to figure out your actual non-negotiables, versus the preferences you've been treating...

Not every season calls for celibacy. Some call for community. Some call for a hoe phase. This one's about figuring out which season you're actually in, and why the advice going around right now isn't one-size-fits-all.

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Why is it so hard to just sit with yourself for one Tuesday night? This week I'm getting into what's actually happening when you reach for the dating apps — because half the time it's not about dating at all. It's about wanting proof someone's paying attention, wanting to feel wanted, wanting anything other than the quiet of being alone with yourself. I'm breaking down what you're really chasing when you open that app, and what to do instead of handing your attention over to a stranger.

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Okay, real talk — you think you're not a creative person. You're wrong, and this episode is me proving it. Not another "get back out there and date" ep — this one's about getting out of your slump by making stuff instead of waiting to feel inspired. Creativity is why we're alive, and I want you to create your world. And creativity has nothing to do with art — it can, but there's so much more you're creating. Your days, your routines, your relationships, the way you spend a random Tuesday — all of it. By the end, you'll realize you have something worth creating...

You're doing the work of decentering men, but who's actually in your corner while you do it? This week Lauren gets into the friendship gap nobody talks about — why it happens, why it's harder to fix than you'd think, and what it actually takes to build real community as an adult. Spoiler: it involves leaving your couch.

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Why is it so hard to walk away from something once you've put time into it — even when you already know it's not right? This week we're getting into the sunk cost fallacy, the concept that explains why staying can feel safer than leaving, even when staying is the actual cost. Inspired by a section in Amanda Montell's The Age of Magical Overthinking, we're talking about where this thinking comes from, how it shows up in dating whether you're single right now or looking back, and why the time you've already spent is the worst possible reason to spend more of...

You've been told your whole life that getting older is something to fight off. That your value has a shelf life. That younger is better, more desirable, more worth something. And most of us absorbed that without even questioning where it came from or who it was built to benefit. In this episode Lauren is blowing that up. We're getting into why the fear of aging makes complete sense given what we were taught — and why what we were taught was never actually about us. What aging really gives you. Why accepting yourself means feeling things you've probably been avoiding fo...

You're already in a relationship, whether you've clocked it or not — the one with yourself. This episode is about what happens when you start treating that relationship with the same attention you'd give someone you're dating, and what actually shifts when you do.

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We are consuming more than ever. More content, more frameworks, more steps, more systems. And a lot of it is genuinely useful — but at some point the volume of it stops helping you and starts working against you. Especially when you're a single woman who is already trying really hard.In this episode, Lauren breaks down what's actually happening when self-improvement content starts to feel like a project that never ends — and why so much of the content marketed to you as healing and empowerment still has a man buried at the finish line. Plus, what it looks like to star...

Putting yourself first sounds simple until you actually try to do it. If you've ever said yes when you meant no, shrunk your own needs down before anyone even asked you to, or felt a wave of guilt the second you did something for yourself — this episode is for you. Lauren breaks down why so many women struggle to make themselves the priority in their own lives, and why it has nothing to do with being weak or not knowing better. From the way we're conditioned from childhood to center everyone else, to codependency patterns that hide behind generosity, to th...

You've been spiraling and you know it — the overanalyzing, the waiting, the feeling like you have zero control over how your own life feels. This episode hands you the framework that changed everything for me and for so many of my clients. We're talking about the Drama Triangle, why you're probably living inside it right now, and the Empowerment Dynamic — the tool that actually gets you out. This is the episode I wish someone had handed me years ago.

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If you've been holding back from fully doing this work, this episode is for you. Today Lauren is getting into why a capable, secure man is not going to be threatened by you being a self-proclaimed man hater, where male insecurity actually comes from and why it has nothing to do with you, and why the version of you that keeps shrinking herself is not landing the relationship you actually want. Because the goal was never really a relationship. The goal is you, fully yourself, living a life that feels whole whether or not anyone shows up to share it...

Something Lauren keeps noticing: when women go through a breakup, they find themselves again. They go back to the things they'd stopped doing — the hobby, the book, the version of themselves that got a little buried somewhere in the relationship. This episode is a guide for anyone who's newly out of something, mid-way back to themselves, or reflecting on how they've come back before and wondering if there's a little more work to do. Four steps, in order. What to come back to, what to build, what to protect, and what to remember so you don't lose it the same wa...

In this episode Lauren gets real about what the work actually looks like — not the highlight reel version, not the "I healed and now everything is great" version, but the real thing. She walks you through the specific areas she works on with her clients every single day: breaking the fantasy of who you want someone to be, building self worth through values work, inner child work and what it actually means to reparent yourself, pleasure as a form of self knowledge, and releasing the shame that lives in your sxuality and your body. She also shares something that happened re...

You've been asking Lauren questions about decentering men — how to talk about it, what actually changed first, whether your relationships survive it — and today she's answering them. If you're on the fence about decentering men or you're already doing the work and want to go deeper, this is a must-listen. These are the questions women are actually sitting with, and Lauren's not holding back on the answers.

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You've been doing the work. Decentering men, healing, growing, showing up for yourself. But when's the last time your life actually felt magical? In this episode we're talking about whimsy — what it actually is, why your space matters more than you think, and how to stop living inside your Pinterest board and start building the life that's already on it. Lauren gets into why being away from her own space cracked something open, why choosing delight right now is not frivolous, and how romancing yourself is what decentering men actually looks like in practice. Plus how to whimsy out your li...

What does it actually look like to date a woman who is decentering men? My boyfriend Joey joins me to answer that — from his side. He's confident, he's not threatened, and he has some honest opinions about what being a good partner actually means (spoiler: it's not doing the dishes). If you've ever wondered whether decentering men and being in a relationship can coexist, this one's for you.

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Does your life actually suck or are you just on social media too much? Because I think for a lot of women it's the second one and we don't even realize it's happening. In this episode I get into what comparing yourself to everyone online is actually costing you, why it keeps getting mistaken for self improvement, and how to figure out which parts of your life are actually yours versus things you absorbed from a screen.

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This week's episode is Single (not spiraling), I'm answering a question a listener wrote in with — she'd seen a lot of manosphere content come across her feed, found it useful at first, and then realized she was just scared of men and didn't know how to navigate dating anymore. We get into why that fear is valid and not something to fix or push past, what's shifting in the world right now, and how to actually build discernment when you're dating.

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If you've been feeling flat, uninspired, and like everything — even the things you used to love — has started to feel like a chore, this episode is for you. Lauren recorded this one burnt out, seven clients deep into her week, because sometimes the most honest thing you can do is talk about the thing you're actually in. This episode is a real conversation about what burnout is, what it feels like in your body, and why it hits differently when you spend your days holding space for other people. Lauren pulls from the introduction of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the...

This week Lauren is just talking. No theme, no structure — she's sharing what's been on her mind lately: being tired of centering men in the conversation, and why increasing your pleasure as a single woman actually matters.

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You have started decentering men but something feels off. Weird. Like you are going against everything you were taught and even your own body is like — what are we doing. In this episode Lauren Samantha gets into exactly why decentering men feels so unnatural — and it has nothing to do with you being broken. We are talking patriarchy, misogyny, shame, capitalism, and what it actually looks like to start building a life that does not center men. If you are a single woman in your 30s and doing this work and wondering why it feels so hard — this one is for yo...

You understood everything we talked about in part one. And then you opened the apps and lost yourself in whether he texted back. That is exactly what this episode is about.We are getting into what decentering romance actually looks like when you are actively dating. The patterns you keep repeating even when you know better. The difference between wanting love from wholeness and wanting love to feel whole. And the question nobody told you to ask — not does he like me, but do you actually like him.Part two of a two part series. Go back and listen to pa...

If you've been doing the work of decentering men but feel like something isn't clicking, this is the episode you need. Because the first step to decentering men is decentering romance — and most of us have never even questioned the story we were sold about what our lives are supposed to look like.In this episode we're getting into where the conditioning actually started, how fairy tales, rom-coms, and even our mothers shaped us into women who were taught to wait to be found instead of building a life. We're talking about the male gaze we internalized without knowing it, wh...

What if your burnout isn't a personal failure — it's a system doing exactly what it was designed to do? In this episode, Lauren unpacks how patriarchy and capitalism condition women to over-function, under-rest, and tie their worth to productivity. She explores what a matriarchal value system would actually look like — not female domination, but a world where care, community, and emotional intelligence are treated as foundations, not afterthoughts.

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In your 30s, something shifts. You’ve done the therapy. You’ve built the self-worth. You’ve stopped settling for emotionally unavailable men. And now you find yourself in a strange in-between — loving your independence but still craving real partnership. In this episode, I’m talking about the tension of wanting love without losing yourself. The nervous system ease of being single. The fear of slipping back into old patterns. The grief that can come when something good disrupts the identity you built around doing life alone. And the cultural shift that’s made dating feel smaller, not because love isn’t real...

In this episode of Single, Not Spiraling, we’re talking about self-trust, standards, and what it actually means to stop settling for mediocre love. Decentering men isn’t about rejecting partnership — it’s about building enough internal safety that you’re no longer making decisions from anxiety, desperation, or fear of being alone. Self-trust is confidence, intuition, and believing your own thoughts, needs, and wants without immediately outsourcing them. It’s the steady feeling that even if a decision changes your life, you’ll be okay. We unpack how self-trust sharpens discernment in dating, how anxiety gets confused with intuition, and why raisin...

We talk a lot about “self-validation,” but no one really explains what that means in real life. This episode breaks down internal vs external validation, why relying on other people to confirm your feelings is so tempting, and how to start trusting your own reactions without over-explaining or second-guessing yourself. If you constantly ask, “Am I overreacting?” or need someone else to agree before you feel okay, this one’s for you.

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You’ve read the books. You’ve listened to the podcasts. You understand the concepts.
So why does it still feel hard to move? In this episode, we talk about the space between knowing and living — why consuming self-help can quietly turn into avoidance, how burnout and world chaos make action feel impossible, and what it actually looks like to start implementing the work in real life. This is about grounding, hope, community, and choosing to live with intention instead of staying stuck in insight mode.

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In this episode of Single (Not Spiraling), we talk about the moment you realize the things you once accepted in dating no longer feel okay. From inconsistency and emotional unavailability to over-explaining, self-abandonment, and confusing anxiety for chemistry, this episode explores what it actually looks like to stop normalizing behavior that keeps you disconnected from yourself. If you’re navigating dating, healing from codependency, decentering men, or learning to trust your body and boundaries again, this conversation is an invitation to notice what you’ve outgrown — and to honor the self-trust it took to get here.

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Can you date and still decenter men — or does one cancel out the other?
In this episode, I share what it’s actually looked like for me to date without losing myself, spiraling, or making romance the center of my life. We talk about how to stay grounded, how to notice when old patterns creep in, and how to date from a place of self-trust instead of urgency. This one’s for the women who haven’t sworn off love — they just don’t want to abandon themselves to get it.

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Are you single because your standards are too high — or because you finally have some?
In this short episode, we talk about why so many grounded women are told to lower the bar, how dating culture creates self-doubt, and how to tell the difference between having standards and self-abandoning just to be chosen. If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself in dating, this episode is for you.

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If you’re a single woman heading into the new year and feeling burned out by goals, pressure, and “fix yourself” energy — this episode is for you. In this episode, I talk about how to want more without turning your life into a constant self-improvement project. We unpack why joyless goals lead to burnout, how to choose direction without pressure, and what it looks like to build a life that actually feels good while you’re living it. I also share the yearly card spread I use to guide my year — a grounding tool I’ve used for years with myself and cli...

If you’re a single woman feeling pressure to have everything figured out at the start of the year, this episode is for you. In this episode of Single, Not Spiraling, Lauren de-influences New Year and January pressure, unpacks hustle culture and wellness overload, and explores how single women can slow down, think critically, and lead their lives with intention. This conversation is about decentering urgency, trusting your own timing, and choosing growth without burnout.

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In this episode, we’re getting real about the kind of holiday hurt no one talks about — the moment you’re surrounded by family and still feel invisible. When traditions change without you, everyone else is coupling up or having kids, and you’re left navigating a season that doesn’t feel like yours anymore. And in the middle of all that tenderness, the urge to text your ex creeps in… not because you want him, but because you want to feel seen. We talk about why these emotions hit so hard, how to tell the difference between loneliness and longing, and...