Messy Middlescence

To us here at Messy Middlescence, when we hear the word “reinvention”, it has a magical connotation to it. We are not sure why. Because when you look closely, reinvention isn’t easy - it involves tremendous work, determination, and a willingness to step into the unknown. Reinvention is a conscious process of transforming one’s life, career or mindset -- or sometimes all three. It requires letting go of what is familiar and comfortable and stepping toward something new without a clear map.

The desire to reinvent oneself, one’s mindset or one’s career can happen at an...

Earlier this season, in Episode #44, Tara and Tina interviewed Carl Richards — bestselling author, speaker, and host of the Behavior Gap Radio and 50 Fires podcasts. During that conversation, Tara asked Carl what single question might be most impactful for our audience. Carl suggested:

“What is your earliest memory of money?”

It’s a question often used by financial advisors to help uncover how early experiences may have shaped someone’s views about money. Carl described it as a simple but powerful way to begin meaningful conversations about money — without stress or conflict.

And honestly, it’s also ju...

Tina never could have imagined that Long Term Care (LTC) would be a frequent conversation topic within her social circles. But this past year – it seems to come up time and time again. It makes sense. As we move through middle age, many of us are watching our parents or other loved ones age. We begin to observe firsthand both the benefits of possessing long-term care coverage and the potential risks associated with lacking it. The overall topic of LTC can feel daunting. It touches health, money, independence, and the uncomfortable reality that none of us are immune to ag...

Tara and Tina are big readers. They come from a family of readers and books are always a part of their conversation when they are together. They love to share opinions about books they have read, are reading and hope to read. Last season, Tara and Tina did an episode where they discussed their favorite books of the previous year (episode #24). They had so much fun on that episode they wanted to do it again! So, on today’s episode they discuss the books from 2025 that touched, entertained and had an impact on them – both fiction and nonfiction. They also...

There’s something compelling about the idea of a clean slate or fresh start as we begin a new year. Rather than setting long lists of goals or resolutions, many people find that choosing a theme—or a single word—creates a more meaningful and sustainable way to invite change.

For the past two seasons of Messy Middlescence, Tara and Tina have shared their personal themes and words for the year ahead, and they continue that tradition in today’s short (but sweet) episode. Together, they reflect on their chosen words and the intentions behind them along with the...

Most of us know someone who seems to defy aging – a friend or relative who is around our age -- but appears many years younger and who radiates vitality and good health. We look at them with a mix of admiration and, perhaps, envy. For Tina and Tara, that person is their sister, Cindy, who is the healthiest person they know. Her natural beauty is enhanced by her healthy habits and active lifestyle. Cindy has always had a passion for organic foods, natural remedies and overall wellness but she also has a Master’s in Kinesiology (exercise science) and curr...

It is that time of year when “busyness” abounds. The days are short — and feel even shorter — as our to-do lists loom large. In recognition of the time constraints that December brings, and the natural reflections that come with the close of a year, Tara and Tina bring you a quick and timely episode of their favorite things from 2025.

You might remember a similar episode from their first season, and this felt like the perfect moment to do it again. Tara and Tina discuss their favorite things from the past year — the items and small discoveries that genuinely...

In this episode, Tara and Tina explore the longing so many of us feel for a simple gathering ritual — and the very real challenges that keep us from creating one. Inspired by Samin Nosrat’s reflections on the power of regular connection, they talk honestly about hosting anxieties, perfection pressure, and why gathering feels both beautiful and hard. A warm conversation about presence, friendship, and designing rituals that fit real life.

Earlier this fall, Tina accidentally found herself following Samin Nosrat’s entire media tour. Nosrat — the author of the bestselling cookbook and Netflix series Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat — has a new cookbook out called Good Things, and by pure coincidence Tina kept s...

Messy Middlescence is thrilled to share their conversation with Carl Richards.

Carl who? – you might ask.

Tina asked Tara that exact question when Tara – breathless with excitement – informed her over the summer that she had secured an interview with Carl. It turns out Tina did know of him through his 50 Fires podcast (which Tara often refers to here on Messy Middlescence) but was unaware of the VERY BIG DEAL that Carl Richards is in the world of finance/financial advising.

When you listen to the interview today, you will quickly understand why. This 27 minute...

We all know that person from high school who seemed infinitely connected — the one everyone knew, everyone liked, and who somehow managed to be everywhere at once. For Tara, that person was her dear friend and former swim-team co-captain, Shannon Douglass (now George).

 Tara and Tina invited Shannon to talk about connection as part of this season’s theme, but what unfolded was a conversation about something even more universal — reconnection. Shannon opens up about the ways we can lose touch with friends through family obligations, time constraints, and life transitions, and how hard it can be to rebu...

What comes to mind when you think of friendship?

Has your definition of a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?

Do different friendships meet different needs?

These are some of the questions sisters Tara and Tina explore in this episode of Messy Middlescence.

More and more research reminds us how vital friendships and social connections are as we age. But how we experience friendship — and what we need from it — shifts over time. Each of us brings our own mix of circumstances, energy, and values to the relationships that sustai...

After a long summer break, we’re back with Season 3 of Messy Middlescence! This first episode feels a bit like gathering at the kitchen table to catch up after being apart — we swap summer stories, reflect on the bittersweetness of how quickly it all went, and look ahead to the fresh start that fall always seems to bring.

One of the highlights: Tina shares her experience of completing her first-ever triathlon. It pushed her outside her comfort zone and reminded both of us how often, in midlife, we shy away from new challenges. Her story is a less...

It’s June! Tara and Tina are ready for swimsuits, sunscreen, and slower days. But before they head to the beach, they want to bring their second season of Messy Middlescence to a close. This season finale has no fireworks, cliffhangers or special guests. Just two sisters sitting down to process what this season has meant to them.

In this short but heartfelt finale, they look back on the 20 (!!) episodes of Season 2 and discuss their favorite episodes, the moments that moved them, and the conversations that made them laugh, cry, and grow. They also share some behind-the-scenes in...

What happens when the career you’ve built for 30 years suddenly and unexpectedly ends—and you’re not ready to retire?

In this episode of Messy Middlescence, we talk with our longtime friend Steve Toman about the unexpected turns of midlife and what it means to find purpose again. From mortgage banking to EMT training to smoking brisket at 4 a.m., Steve shares how listening to his interests opened up a whole new season of meaning, joy and contribution.

What shines most in this conversation is Steve’s unwavering love and admiration for his wife Kelly, h...

Last holiday season, Tara and Tina found themselves laughing over an ad for one of those quirky “Family Questions” games. One sample question stood out: “Who in your family would you ask for help if you needed to bury a body?” Without hesitation - and independently - we both came up with the same answer – our younger brother, Tim.

This may sound like an odd way to introduce Tim and our discussion with him --but it perfectly captures Tim’s unique personality and skill set. He’s the sibling you call in a pinch - resourceful, unflappable, and endlessly loyal.

Tim is the 5th of our 7 siblings (and coincidentally the 5th sibling to be intervi...

🎓 Graduation Gift Ideas for Every Graduate and Budget

In this timely episode, Tara Conti Bansal and Christina Conti Donovan dive into the whirlwind of graduation season, sharing personal stories, favorite traditions, and dozens of creative and meaningful gift ideas for high school and college grads. Whether you're shopping for your own child, a godchild, a family friend, or a neighbor, Tara and Tina offer insights that blend sentimentality with practicality — perfect for marking one of life's biggest transitions.

🎁 Topics Covered:

Questions such as “What is my purpose?” or “Why am I here” often gain importance as we age. These are big intimidating questions and the answers are unique for each individual. Many of our guests on Messy Middlescence have shared their own personal struggles and triumphs with these questions. Today, we discuss a different perspective on purpose which reframes "purpose" with a "little p" versus a "big P”. We at Messy Middlescence did not originate this idea of viewing purpose with a "little p," but it truly resonated with us.

So, it may seem a bit strange, but in our e...

The Cabernet Club, released in January 2025, is a novel that follows Debbie Gordon as she seeks big changes and fulfillment in the second half of her life. The book is a light, funny and captivating read that still manages to highlight and explore many of the more serious aspects of the middlescence journey. It is co-authored by the late Rona S. Zable and her daughter, Margie Zable Fisher.

In today’s episode we speak with Margie Zable Fisher about her new book, The Cabernet Club, her mother, writing fiction and Margie’s own middlescence journey. There are so ma...

One of the most difficult aspects of middle age is the continual reminder and realization of how fragile life is. This is not to say that terrible things do not happen to young people – they definitely do. However, for many of us – by the time we reach our 40’s and 50’s - we have either experienced or repeatedly witnessed lives that drastically change in an instant. It is almost as if a blindfold is removed and what we once thought of as “unthinkable” is more common than we believed. Tragic events, accidents, and diagnoses occur suddenly and then life as we know i...

There are numerous definitions of the word “seeker”. The one that resonated with us most describes a seeker as “…characterized by a persistent and often intense curiosity, a desire to understand and explore and a willingness to question and learn”.

In today’s episode we interview our sister-in-law, Dr. Alexa Dare, Ph.D (Alex is married to our brother, Patrick, the 6th of the 7 siblings in the Conti family). In the early minutes of our interview, Alex describes herself as a seeker and, as the interview unfolds, we learn exactly why. In describing her childhood, her professional life, her lo...

The hormonal changes men and women undergo in middle age is one of the defining aspects of middlescence. Similar to what teenagers/adolescents undergo entering puberty, the hormonal changes of (peri)menopause, particularly for women, are dramatic, significant and unique to each person. Western culture and medicine have until quite recently, largely ignored these changes and the symptoms that go along with (peri)menopause and andropause. 

In regard to (peri)menopause, it has been reported that most doctors receive only 1-2 hours total in their training. And while menopause is a natural process, there are at least 24 p...

In today’s episode, Tara and Tina take time to consider and contemplate the vast amount of both practical information and words of wisdom from the two previous episodes on grief and loss. We hope you were able to listen to our last 2 episodes: “Learning and Living Through Grief” with Brett Danko and “When Their World Stops From Grief” with Anne-Marie Lockmyer. We recommend that you listen to them before listening to this one.

Today’s episode highlights what we learned and experienced through these interviews with Brett and Anne-Marie. We hope our discussion helps bring more clarity and...

We are so inspired by and grateful for the many people willing to share their middlescence journey with us. We are humbled and amazed at their courage and willingness to open up and share their personal experiences, dreams and fears.

As we continue with this season’s theme of grief – we are especially grateful to our next guest. Brett Danko lost his beloved wife, Dawn, last March. She was 55 and had been fighting cancer for several years. Brett’s middlescence journey has been filled with what for many of us is our absolute worst nightmare.

Brett’...

We opened the 2nd season of our Messy Middlescence podcast discussing grief and loss. We continue with that topic – which will be a recurring theme this season – in our interview today with Anne-Marie Lockmyer (https://www.griefandtraumahealing.com/). Anne-Marie is a grief recovery specialist and award winning author of the book “When Their World Stops: The Essential Guide to Truly Helping Anyone in Grief”.

We feel strongly that our interview with Anne-Marie is one that every person – regardless of age and circumstance – can benefit from. At some point in our lives, someone we love or care deeply for will und...

Welcome to January! The end of the holidays can hit hard. Even when your holidays have been absolutely perfect, it can be challenging not to dread everything that awaits us in January. Whether it is taking down decorations, starting back on the work/school routine, saying goodbye to loved ones or even just facing those holiday bills – January is full of difficult tasks. We think for most people there is an inevitable sadness -- or perhaps cheerlessness is a better word - that permeates most people’s lives as January begins. It is so easy and tempting to shut the d...

The end of every calendar year sees “best of” lists for just about every cultural category imaginable. But “best” is not easily defined when it comes to art and culture — especially when used by critics. Most of the culture that Tara and Tina consume comes from reading and as a result they are continually searching for book recommendations.

Although critics’ lists are sometimes helpful, Tina and Tara have found that those books recommended by family and friends usually resonate far more than those on the critics’ lists. It is with this mindset that they chose to do their own “bes...

Is kindness overrated? We don’t think so. Maybe it is our age, maybe it is the world we currently live in – but it seems, if anything, that kindness is vastly underrated and something our society and communities could use more of.

 Cue Tracey Willis Gates – self-proclaimed “kindness ambassador” and author of the book “The Power of A Few Kind Words: Create a More Meaningful Life, One Letter at a Time” which shows how important, how easy, and how meaningful kindness can be.

Gates’ book documents her transformational journey of writing a handwritten, unexpected letter of appreciation t...

The Thanksgiving holiday is just around the corner. We know some people for whom this is their absolute favorite holiday — full of food, friends, and family without the financial and commercial concerns of Christmas or Hanukkah. Similarly, we also know people who dread Thanksgiving because it highlights family division and dysfunction and/or creates a difficult environment for those struggling with weight issues or addiction. We, along with most people, fall somewhere in between.

We love the idea of a day devoted to giving thanks but it is easy to lose sight of the true meaning of th...

We are thrilled to share our conversation with our sister-in-law, Mary Carolyn Conti. A true artist in every sense of the word, Mary Carolyn is a writer, singer, photographer and theater producer extraordinaire. And her joy and excitement about her middlescence years are downright palpable and, as a result, a bit contagious too. It is impossible not to get caught up in her energy and optimism as she talks about her plans and goals for her next phase.

In today’s episode we discuss with her:

Last season we interviewed our sister-in-law, Anne Mielke Conti, in the episode “Taking the Leap” about her momentous life change of leaving her corporate job to be at home. We promised at the end of that episode to touch base with Anne again in the future to see where her “leap” had taken her. Today, we fulfill that promise by talking with Anne about the good, the bad, and much in between, that has occurred for her and her family in the last 16 months.

 In “Being Able to Say Yes”, Anne recognizes how fortunate she is to have the oppo...

Season #2 of Messy Middlescence begins with a heavy and difficult topic: grief. It may seem like an odd choice for a season opener but Tina’s family and community experienced an unexpected and tragic loss just a few weeks ago. It was a personal reminder that these middlescence years are often full of painful and sorrowful events. We may encounter the loss of — not just older family members — but of friends, neighbors or colleagues. It caused us to think deeply and personally about how do we get through difficult times of grief and loss? How do we help people we car...

Send us a Text Message. We would love to hear what you think.

In the final episode of their debut season of Messy Middlescence, Tara and Tina conclude the Timeless Happiness series they have presented for the past few episodes.  

Here they return to the “5 Essential Elements of Well Being” and focus on the ones that have not been explored in the previous episodes: Health (physical and mental); Social Relationships, and Community Engagement. Tara defines each of these remaining categories and discusses the possible and various ways to achieve them.

Tara reiterates the need...

In the final episode of their debut season of Messy Middlescence, Tara and Tina conclude the Timeless Happiness series they have presented for the past few episodes. 

Here they return to the “5 Essential Elements of Well Being” and focus on the ones that have not been explored in the previous episodes: Health (physical and mental); Social Relationships, and Community Engagement. Tara defines each of these remaining categories and discusses the possible and various ways to achieve them.

Tara reiterates the need to just start thinking about these – not just from a retirement planning perspective – but for anyon...

If you are a regular Messy Middlescence listener – you have by now met many members of the extended Conti family. In this episode you will meet Tina and Tara’s father, Al Conti.

Al went through middlescence some time ago (he is 81) but Tara and Tina found they often referred to their father as they discussed retirement – particularly in the previous Timeless Happiness episodes. They realized that their parents exemplify many of the lessons Tara shares and discusses in her Timeless Happiness classes.

By focusing on Al’s retirement story (their mother declined to be interviewe...

Send us a Text Message. We would love to hear what you think.

If you are a regular Messy Middlescence listener – you have by now met many members of the extended Conti family. In this episode you will meet Tina and Tara’s father, Al Conti.

Al went through middlescence some time ago (he is 81) but Tara and Tina found they often referred to their father as they discussed retirement – particularly in the previous Timeless Happiness episodes. They realized that their parents exemplify many of the lessons Tara shares and discusses in her Timeless Happiness classe...

Tara puts on her “financial planner” hat once again but this time to discuss the “numbers” side of retirement planning in hopes of alleviating some of the mystery and anxiety that often surround this topic. 

Tara outlines the challenges and uncertainties that can affect financial retirement planning including longevity, inflation, market volatility and unexpected life events. She gives special attention to concerns around inflation and social security.

Together, Tara and Tina explore concepts such as net worth statements, retirement projections, and budget tracking. They stress the importance of using a financial advisor and how to find one...

Send us a Text Message. We would love to hear what you think.

Tara puts on her “financial planner” hat once again but this time to discuss the “numbers” side of retirement planning in hopes of alleviating some of the mystery and anxiety that often surround this topic.  

Tara outlines the challenges and uncertainties that can affect financial retirement planning including longevity, inflation, market volatility and unexpected life events. She gives special attention to concerns around inflation and social security. 

Together, Tara and Tina explore concepts such as net worth statements, retirement projections, and budget...

In class #3 of the Timeless Happiness series, Tara and Tina take on the topics of money and finances. Tara puts on her “financial planner hat” and walks us through the importance of effectively managing our economic life and the role of finances in our overall well-being. If you are hoping for hard numbers and figures — hold onto that hope for a future episode - because this episode concentrates more on the emotional side of money and finances.

Tara challenges us to consider our personal priorities and values in viewing our financial situations. She stresses the need for a heal...

Send us a Text Message. We would love to hear what you think.

In class #3 of the Timeless Happiness series, Tara and Tina take on the topics of money and finances. Tara puts on her “financial planner hat” and walks us through the importance of effectively managing our economic life and the role of finances in our overall well-being. If you are hoping for hard numbers and figures — hold onto that hope for a future episode - because this episode concentrates more on the emotional side of money and finances.

Tara challenges us to consider our pe...

On today’s episode, we talk to Matt Donovan, the husband of co-host Tina Donovan.  Tina has spoken quite frequently throughout our previous episodes about her marriage and her husband. In this episode, we hear Matt discuss, in his own words, his middlescence journey which has been defined by his desire for change and for more time.

In this episode we discuss with Matt the following: