Daughters Who Dare

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Coming home, after an annual visit to my birth family, USED to be an exercise in healing and rebuilding. My husband and a handful of friends (those in the know) would reach for the mop and bucket, along with the glue. Each year they would willingly mop up all of my tears and help me gather the broken pieces of my heart, patiently supporting me as I...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

One lesson I learned…very early on…was that Life doesn’t stop just because you have some figuring out to do. Being raised by narcissists can be compared to living with grief. Life doesn’t stop for that either.

Whether living with narcissists or living with grief, you never get over it, it’s not a competition with others experiencing it, there are no rewa...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

As a child raised by narcissists, it is far too easy to remember the difficult stuff. There are good times. There are happy memories. But…connecting that happiness to those who inflicted so much pain can be very confusing for the mind and heart!

Why should I credit any of my narcissistic parents with my happiness? Gratitude feels wrong and uncomfortable. I mean…imagi...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

This topic may not apply to ALL children raised by narcissists, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was experienced by many. Speaking from personal experience, my narcissistic parents’ favourite hiding place was/is religion.

For them - all of them - religion becomes an instant crowd of approval, a dedicated rule book, a crutch, a “See! I told you so!” reference, a threat of...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

As I have said in a previous episode, “Keep your receipts!” Receipts come in all shapes and sizes. Some look like damning letters or nasty texts, while others look like a harmless, thoughtful, sincere anniversary card. Looks are deceiving!

(as are those who sent it)

For those in the know, that Hallmark receipt is anything but harmless, thoughtful or sincere. It’s merely...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

This love letter may sound different to any you have heard before and that’s okay. This is the only “Dear Daughter” letter I will ever receive, so I poured my whole heart into it.

I imagined myself having a raw, honest, heartfelt conversation with younger me…but…younger me will change, age and transform as the conversation continues. 

Once you have listened to...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

In this episode, I discuss one of the biggest struggles of children raised by narcissists…the struggle for self-love. Although the struggle is real, it does not mean it is impossible or that we are incapable of loving ourselves. Quite the opposite is true. Narcissists do their best to control or manipulate everything, including our self-worth and self-confidence, but they don’t get to define who we ar...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

So…if I told you that the title of this episode is, “There’s No Place Like Home,” would you close your eyes, click your heels together three times and hope for the best like Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz”? I am quite fortunate. If I did that, I wouldn’t go anywhere. I am already home.

I can relate to Dorothy for many reasons. H...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Why have I chosen the saying, “We’re like chalk and cheese “ for this episode, you ask? Because it is the best way to describe the stark differences between a narcissistic parent and child. This is a British idiom used to describe two things or people that are COMPLETELY different despite perhaps looking similar. 

On the outside, we both look like humans. But, on the insi...

Living in the UK comes with its perks. Sunshine isn’t one of them (haha). But, knowing that I will never encounter a venomous snake is a perk that I appreciate, even though I don’t often think about it. I can’t say the same about the narcissists in my life. Their bites - both poisonous and repetitive - happen anytime and anywhere.

Unlike most people in the wild, children of narcissists aren’t just thinking/worrying about ONE snake or ONE bite. No such luck! We are wondering when the NEXT bite is coming. For a huge c...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

One thing that has become perfectly clear to me is that narcissists are great performers. And, just like performers, they need an audience. Narcissistic parents only require an audience of ONE.

These narcissistic performers or, as described in this episode, puppeteers, need a WILLING assistant (puppet). It’s natural to want to place full blame on the puppeteer because it is traditionally their hand…their...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

My birth family has never met me. 

I can hear you saying, “What do you mean? You talk about them on every episode.” Let me clarify.

My birth family have never met the REAL me.

I wasn’t playing roles, nor was I incognito. I have only ever been myself - living my truth and being authentic - but, for some ine...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Sometimes, I feel like I am sat in an eternal, never-ending waiting room on my own. I am anxiously awaiting my name to be called. I never know when it is going to happen or why. I can’t leave even though I am uncomfortable…so, I wait.

Sitting in that unique, imaginary waiting room evokes a mix of emotions…many of which are similar...

I have been dealing with my own worst enemy as long as I can remember. If I looked into mirrors, I would see her far too often. But, I didn’t need to see my reflection to know that she was right here. You guessed it! I am talking about me.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

As children, we believe every word our parents say. Why doubt them? We don...

For those navigating toxic, narcissistic family relationships, we are all too aware of the price we have paid and continue to pay.
In some very real ways, it feels like we are being robbed every single day.

What can cost that much?

I am referring to the LOSS that happens when - as a child of narcissists - you choose to stand up, speak out, speak your truth and, if necessary, cut ties altogether.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child...

In this episode, I talk about the deep-seated sadness or grief experienced as children of narcissistic parents. It’s a heartache that lasts a lifetime.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

You don’t have to be a parent yourself to ask the question, “Who is going to mother(parent) me?,” yet it is a familiar one asked by those raised by narcissists. We all know that being a child h...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

When I imagine myself as a Mama Bear, my mind is filled with animated, Disney-like characters, with a heart-warming soundtrack playing in the background.

However, if you asked my grown children for their versions of me as a Mama Bear, you would be transported to those infamous nature documentaries…the ones that should come with an 18 rating due to the copious amount of b...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

I know many people who detest swearing. I’m not one of them. I don’t swear to intentionally offend, upset or embarrass someone. But, I believe there are far uglier, more offensive and degrading words than the ones in my pirate vocabulary.

One of the nastiest words - in my opinion - isn’t even a four letter word. It has five letters.

...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Narcissistic parents often choose to cross, ignore or erase one boundary…the EMOTIONAL boundary…and that is one too many. They do everything in their power to engage in emotional warfare. As the parent, they know their child’s weaknesses all too well, so will be sure to choose their words carefully…pushing as many buttons and pulling as many heartstrings as possible.

My mind was...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

In this episode, I am going to explore why a certain two letter word used to get stuck in my throat.

As a child of narcissistic parents, NO really wasn’t an option. In my mind, that would lead to more rejection, more arguments and more alienation. However, once I realised that I was on this emotional rollercoaster ride ALONE, I knew that I had...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Can you believe it? We are celebrating 50 episodes of Daughters Who Dare!

In this episode, I am sharing a short story I felt compelled to write. I listened to my heart and put the words down on paper. 

Have a listen.

I hope it helps to demonstrate how it felt and continues to feel to be a daughter of narcissistic pa...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

We spend our lifetime ‘building ourselves’ …who we are - what we believe - what we think - who and what we love…and so on. If we step back a moment and look at what we’ve built - or should I say - who we built, we can be proud of the person we built…the person we have become. Whether we do that at 18, 25, 30...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

For the purpose of this episode, I want you to imagine me stood on my soapbox. 

I am about to preach!

I say these things to all of us…including me.

Having reached the ripe old age of 60, I have come to many conclusions. Today, I present you with 10 of them. I encourage you to listen and - if you want...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

In this episode, I am discussing the biggest decision I ever had to make and, the crazy thing is, I had to make it on four separate occasions. 

No one can tell you if, how or when to do it.

I am going to walk you through each decision…all 4 of them…because they all happened at different stages of my life and ea...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

This will come as no surprise!

No matter where we turn, there are countless injustices in the world. Whether we are walking down the high street in major cities, turning on the news or scrolling on our phone, we are bombarded with many examples of injustice.

All of the scenarios I mentioned are injustices that are happening around us. They ar...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

One of my favourite childhood books was written by Dr Seuss. I remember it being both endearing and hilarious. A baby bird falls out of the nest and begins a quest for his mother. Along the way, he asks a kitten, a cow, a plane, a tugboat and a digger. As he confronts each one, he asks, ‘Are you my mother?’

I didn’t fall ou...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

When I think about my grandparents, I am amazed at their choices…their actions…their words…and their gift of being truth seers.

What I love about those who dare, including my grandparents, is that there isn’t one script, one method or one set of rules. Those who DARE can look very different and sound very different.

The way my grandparents DARED loo...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

I can’t imagine that I am the only child who spent hours constructing the ‘perfect’ house of cards. It took patience, concentration and skill. Every time I found myself staring at a huge puddle of playing cards, I would become even more determined to make the next one stronger and more robust.

The more houses I built, the better my construction would become. It all...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

I need to have a serious conversation with my body - especially my heart. We have had different agendas for most of my life. I have only ever wanted to live a happy, peaceful, fun-filled life. My heart, on the other hand, decided to turn things into a life-long game of cat and mouse…without a reason to run. Somehow, my heart has convinced me that I a...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

One word that has been with me…every step of the way…is BELIEVE. It isn’t  just  about others believing me or believing in me, but is also about my journey of self-belief. I learned, early on, that trying to convince narcissistic parents to see the real me and recognise my truth was a hopeless cause. I had to look outside my given family to find those...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

We all have a story to tell. 

But, that doesn’t mean we HAVE to tell it.

Some stories have been written and never told…ever. Some have been told to a few trusted souls. And, some have been shared publicly, having been documented in print and/or on the screen.
There was a HUGE shift in my life when I realis...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

I believe everyone has one.

I say one, but, make no mistake. That one can encompass a minefield of things.

They can be played…and, goodness me…are they played! But, the many facets of who, why and when they are laid on the table can make all the difference.

Ironically, we don’t often see them. If we stood in a la...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

We all have a mountain to climb.

I feel like I am on the top of the mountain-the same mountain I have been climbing all my life. I look down and see many more climbers - all doing their best to overcome obstacles, face their demons and beat the odds, while demonstrating resilience and determination. I find myself shouting words of encouragement and affirmation...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Ever since I can remember, I have been an inquisitive person. Call me Nancy Drew. (just like the fictional character in those books written by Carolyn Keene and others)

When I began to recognise how different my mom was and, more importantly how different she was treating me, I wanted to know WHY. But, unlike Nancy’s, my investigation couldn’t be solved. Instead of cl...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

When most people think of their childhood fears, many lists would include monsters, ghosts, spiders and being in the dark. But, depending on anyone’s particular childhood experience, there may be a specific item that does not appear on anyone else’s list.

I have one such item.

For most of my life, I kept my greatest fear to myself, hoping and prayi...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Most often, when we attend a wedding, we have no say in the seating arrangements. As a result, many of us have spent entire days making small talk and experiencing awkward gaps in conversations. Weddings only last a day. Phew!
Life can be cruel. For nearly half of my life, the people who sat at my table were GIVEN to me. If I was surrounded b...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Can we talk about voices?

How often do we stop and think about how much voices matter in our lives? It would be safe to say we all have certain voices we long to hear, while others we dread hearing…even for a moment. Whether those voices are heard - literally - or can only be heard in our minds, they can turn our wor...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Winning Tug of War is dependent on several factors, such as:  an equal distribution of strength, the readiness of both parties and pre-existing wounds or scars. As a child of narcissistic parents, there isn’t a referee handy to check and monitor the equality, readiness or limitations of both parties, which creates an emotional imbalance from the start.

So much of this emotional tug of w...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

FACT:  Some things in life DO get easier. Being a child of narcissistic parents isn’t one of them. Sorry. 

Time, experience, learned wisdom and repetition can make learning a skill, raising a child or facing a tech demon not only bearable but - dare I say - easy. The same can not be said for these unique family relationships. This doesn’t get easier...

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent.  Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Life sends us ‘warning lights’ from time to time. Their intended purpose is to give us a gentle nudge, reminding us that something may need a bit of attention, a tweak, a ‘topping up,’ or a few new questions answered. I try not to panic each time one appears, but I often do. When they light up on my dashboard, I speed dial the garage. However, when my h...